Kaphiffy

Oh Spring , what a great organismic analogy for life?

I find it really hard when I get to this day. I constantly battle to whether I celebrate or not; obviously I can't buy chocolates or do hoovering or something for her because she isn't. Here. I mean walking to her grave and getting a card and flowers in hope that she will 'read' the card ,or if your mum was cremated then lighting a candle. Sometimes you figure what's the point. She isn't here. Everyone says that and that's true. My mum wouldn't want me 'wasting' my money ,but is it actually a wast? If I move away I can't visit her grave, and is this day just about making up out of guilt? It feels like a birthday without the special host you are celebrating it for more than an valentines being single. I can be single and proud; and I'm fine. Like I can deal with it and have grieved and hate sympathy but ... There's just a missing link and its making my heart explode with frustration. I don't usually get like this but I just, needed to vent because when I think of the word mum now ,I think what do I do.

Also whilst I’m here any Anime/manga’s you can recommend?