60 . take a gamble (written)
aeri and you had just arrived at the party. the pregame on the ride over had been pretty tame by your standards—a couple of shooters shared between the two of you.
"are we actually gambling?" aeri asked.
"i just wanna see what table yoonchae's doing, but i don't know if i feel like spending that much money today," you said.
"wait. it's real money?" aeri stopped walking
"oh yeah," you nodded. "it's like... really lowkey though."
"oh then we have to go all out."
"aeri..." you turned slowly to lookat her. "we talked about this."
"just for tonight," she said.
"and i only wanna be here for like two hours max."
"that's enough time for me," aeri smiled.
"just remember that we're saving for spring break," you told her.
"are you inviting anybody this year?"
"i mean... maybe lara if she wants," you shrugged.
"wait," aeri looked at you immediately, "are you gonna confess at spring break?"
"no, you should. that would be cute."
"i'm just not confessing to her at all," you groaned.
"why not?" she nudged your shoulder, "even if you confessed to me right now i'd be really happy."
"can we not," you sighed, rubbing your face.
"no but seriously. i do think you should finally stop being a little bitch and confess."
"or how about i suffer in silence."
"that's boring, plus everybody's drunk. worst case scenario you just act like you're joking tomorrow," aeri said.
you stopped walking and stared at her, "yeah but like... i'm nervous."
"at least we know you actually like her."
"what's that supposed to mean?" you frowned.
"you don't really get nervous around anybody else," aeri shrugged.
and you knew she wasn't wrong because you could flirt with random people, speak up at meetings, and even promote events in public, but for some reason, the idea of confessing to lara made you want to throw up.
"i have to end it all soon," you sighed dramatically.
"that's why it's time to finally get it over with."
"just because your situation worked out well doesn't mean mine will."
"but think about how messy and complicated mine was," she said as she pointed at herself, "if mine can work out, there's a chance yours can too."
"or i could just keep her as my best friend and distance myself again."
"or... you could finally get over your middle school crush."
you immediately started walking again, "let's get drinks."
you made it through the crowd without having to push through that many people before you reached the bar, where sophia was.
"make her something strong," aeri said as she sat down at the table.
"you need it," aeri patted your arm.
sophia looked between the two of you and laughed, "rough day?"
"i'm trying to give her motivation," aeri explained.
"okay," sophia nodded seriously.
"what type of motivation do you need?"
"i'm trying to get her to confess," aeri said.
you froze before hitting aeri's arm, "wait actually shut the fuck up."
"what? it's not like she knows."
"she literally does. they're friends."
"...oh," aeri's eyes widened.
sophia immediately started laughing, "i think you should confess."
"not you too," you dropped your head onto the table.
sophia grabbed a cup and started making something while looking way too entertained by this conversation.
"see? this is what i've been saying," aeri looked at her.
"we've all been saying it," sophia said.
"you don't even know each other," you said, lifting your head just enough to glare at both of them.
"not important right now," aeri said.
"she's just trying to change the topic," sophia said.
"she stays doing that," aeri rolled her eyes.
"i've noticed," sophia said, sliding a drink toward someone else before looking back at you.
"what's important is you liking lara for such an insane amount of time without even trying to confess."
you slowly lifted your head.
"i feel like we're talking about this way too publicly."
you glanced around the room instinctively. of course nobody was paying attention to your conversation, but still, it was the principal.
"here you go trying to change the topic again," aeri looked unimpressed.
"okay this time it's a valid concern," you defended yourself.
"took you however long to come out to her; i wonder how long the confession will take," sophia said.
"i feel like we're just here to shit on me."
"i love you. i just think since one secret is out, let's keep the ball rolling," aeri said.
"momentum," sophia added seriously.
"i don't like either one of y'all right now," you looked between them.
"maybe you need a manhattan," aeri snapped her fingers.
"kill me now because what the fuck."
sophia suddenly looked inspired, "wait actually..." she turned toward aeri and started whispering. now they were just whispering in front of you, and not even well, either.
"yeah wrap this up," you frowned.
"what we need to be wrapping up is your issues," aeri said.
"you're so mean to me," you pouted.
a minute later sophia slid a drink toward you, "this should help you be honest."
"because middle school is crazy," aeri pointed at you.
"middle school?" sophia paused.
"wait she didn't tell you?"
"middle school?" sophia turned to look at you slowly, "this is generational yearning."
you immediately regretted opening up to anyone ever.
"so what are we doing tonight?" aeri leaned forward.
"my plan is to keep things exactly as they are."
"how is that a plan?" sophia looked genuinely confused.
"because if i don't confess then nothing changes."
"because you already distanced yourself once."
"...but she doesn't even know about that."
"wait—you did?" sophia sked.
you grabbed the drink sophia made and took a long sip and immediately regretted it, because holy fuck was it strong. "there's a reason we got distant during college. i was hoping it would make me lose feelings for lara, but of course that didn't work."
"can i ask a question?" sophia leaned on the counter.
"depends," you narrowed your eyes.
"if she confessed to you right now what would happen?" you opened your mouth but nothing came out. you stared at the counter for a second before smiling without realizing it.
aeri immediately noticed, "oh that's bad."
you fixed your face instantly, "shut up."
"still waiting for an answer by the way," sophia looked way too pleased.
"okay but that's not fair because that's not happening," you looked down at your cup.
"why not?" sophia shrugged.
"because she doesn't like me," you answered immediately.
aeri and sophia looked at each other. then sophia started laughing in your face.
"what?" you looked at her seriously.
"so you can't just say nothing when i ask a question like that."
"i'm just saying..." sophia slid a drink toward aeri, "...i think there's a reason nobody's as surprised by this as you think."
"...what does that mean?"
"i think you should go take a gamble," sophia said as she waved you off, "i need to do my job."
"i feel like i'm being left out," you said, but stood up anyway.
"let's go gambling," aeri grabbed her drink.
you started walking with her. "...do you even know her name?"
"doesn't matter right now," aeri shrugged.
"sure man, " you took another sip, which you regretted immediately because it was, in fact, still strong as fuck.
"we should've asked her what table yoonchae was doing."
"i'm sure we'll find it," aeri said.
it didn't take long to find yoonchae because she somehow had one of the loudest tables in the room despite hosting blackjack. you and aeri followed the sound of it until you found her sitting behind a table with a stack of chips in front of her.
"you're here!" manon looked up immediately
"welcome to blackjack," yoonchae said, "buy in?"
"yes," aeri immediately stepped forward.
you bought in with an amount low enough to not feel guilty.
aeri immediately started playing aggressively, while you played like somebody trying not to lose actual money. which somehow meant you ended up doing better.
"you're counting cards," aeri accused after you won another hand.
"that's literally not possible; i don't know math," you laughed.
"i own this establishment now," manon raised her chips.
you ended up staying longer than expected, mostly to watch aeri lose money, win money, and then lose it all.
you were more shocked that manon somehow stayed exactly even the entire time.
you won enough to justify continuing and then immediately lost it because aeri told you to "follow your heart."
"yeah, i gotta leave after that," you said as you stood up.
"that wasn't my fault," aeri looked offended.
"you told me to trust my instincts," you pointed at the table. " and this happened."
"skill issue," aeri smiled.
"imma go find lara," you stood up, grabbing your cup.
aeri immediately lit up and gave you a thumbs up, "you got this."
"whatever that means," you left before she could elaborate.
the party had gotten louder since you first got there, people packed into every room and music carrying through the house. you made your way upstairs and eventually reached the dj booth.
you found lara standing behind the setup with headphones resting around her neck while she scrolled through tracks and adjusted settings. a couple people stood nearby talking to each other, but nobody was actually bothering her.
you walked over and she noticed almost immediately. before you could even say anything she reached over and pulled you into a quick side hug.
"you gamble?" she asked when you pulled away.
"for like twenty minutes," you shrugged.
"not enough to ruin my life."
you ended up standing next to her at the booth. you watched as lara adjusted levels and changed songs, all while looking annoyingly cool while doing almost nothing.
"how long have you been up here?" you leaned against the side.
"like a couple of hours now."
"do you ever hang out at parties?"
"...i am hanging out," lara glanced over.
she looked back at the setup, "...yeah. it's kinda my job."
"i think you could afford to let somebody take over for a couple minutes and party, right?" you smiled.
"you saying you want me to do that and party with you?"
"if you want," you shrugged and smiled.
instead of answering, she looked at the cup you had in your hand. "what did sophia make you?"
"i actually don't know," you swirled around what was left.
"you wanna finish it off for me?" you held it out for her.
"sure." she drank the rest, and her face immediately scrunched up.
"holy shit," she turned and threw the cup away.
"oh yeah," you started laughing.
"didn't even think to warn me," lara looked offended.
"where's the fun in that?" you smiled.
she shook her head then looked back at the booth.
"but hey," she looked over, "i'll be nearby if you ever decide to take that break."
she nodded at you, and you took that as your sign to head back downstairs.
you immediately ran into megan and daniela near the middle of the floor. megan was the first one to notice you, lighting up immediately. daniela reached for your arm like she had been waiting for you to show up so she could drag you into whatever she was doing next. you ended up mostly by megan's side, matching her energy. daniela kept talking and laughing just enough for you to actually answer her once before the music pulled everyone back into the same rhythm.
after that, the three of you were just dancing together without really thinking about it, moving with the crowd and feeding off each other's energy. megan kept pulling you back into the center whenever you started drifting, daniela kept finding ways to make you laugh, and the two of them made it feel like you had accidentally landed exactly where you were supposed to be.
you all stayed like that for a while, caught up in the rhythm and each other, until lara came downstairs. she caught your eye almost immediately, exchanged a brief look with daniela and megan, then moved in your direction and gently pulled you away from the middle of the crowd into a quieter section off to the side.
"i let manon act like she was djing so i could come down here," lara told you, leaning close enough that her voice reached you over the pounding music.
your arms slipped around her waist, "aww you'd do that for me."
"well i did invite you so of course we have to spend some time together," lara said, keeping your bodies pressed together as she swayed with the music.
"i was keeping myself busy," you said, brushing your thumb along her waist.
"hmm with who?" lara asked.
"aeri, megan, dani," you listed.
"oh so all you're lil girlfriends," lara said. "don't be making out with everybody here."
"so i didn't kiss dani," you replied.
"not yet," you joked but lara didn't find it based on the look she gave you afterwards.
"but they're not here right now; it's just us," you said.
"hey, don't use your lines on me."
you laughed and glanced toward the speakers as the song changed. "why the music kinda romantic?"
"oh some guy asked me slow it down," lara said.
"well it's perfect for us." your hand guided her into a spin before settling back on her hip.
"what'd i even do?" you laughed.
"you know what you're doing."
"hmm." you leaned closer, your mouth hovering beside her ear. "is it working?"
"maybe," lara admitted, tilting her head up to meet your gaze.
the song changed again, somehow becoming even slower than before. around you, people were pulling closer together, but your attention remained fixed entirely on her.
"y'know this reminds me of the first party we went to together," you said.
"the one where you kidnapped me when i was trying to be a good kid and go to sleep," lara replied.
"don't act like you didn't wanna go."
"like yeah but you could've at least told me my parents knew i was with you."
you buried your face briefly against her collarbone, "god forbid i wanna make sure you didn't get in trouble."
your fingers traced lightly above the waistband of her jeans and you felt her body tense.
"which i did love you for but it was so embarrassing when i thought i got away with it just for them to know i was with you," lara said.
"just a way for you to know i always have your back," you replied, sliding your hand up her back until your fingers caught in the loose strands of her hair.
lara rolled her hips against yours without hesitation, her grip tightening on your shirt. she looked like she was about to say something, but her attention got caught on how close you were standing.
"yeah, you're the best friend i could ever ask for," lara said.
"calling me your best friend right now is crazy," you groaned.
"what else would i call you?"
"i mean best friend is fine but i think i should be upgraded."
"upgraded to what?" lara's breath hitched slightly, and you couldn't help the smirk that spread across your face.
"can i admit something while drunk?"
"admit what?" she asked, her voice noticeably shakier than before.
"i just want you to know that talking to you again recently has been the best part of my life and i kinda never wanna lose you," you told her. "and i know i may act really confident with everybody else, but you're truly the only person i'm scared to share my true feelings with because of our friendship."
for once, lara didn't interrupt. she simply listened while the music thumped around you.
"and there's something else that im too scared to say so i'll just say that i really wanna kiss you right now."
"y/n..." lara trailed off.
"just please let me take a gamble."
for a moment, she stared at you before giving the smallest nod, and that was all it took. you closed the distance immediately, kissing her as if you'd been waiting forever for the chance. the kiss felt long overdue, fueled by years of unresolved feelings and all the moments that had almost led here. when you finally pulled back, both of you were left breathless.
you barely gave her a second to recover before your lips brushed along her jaw, earning a soft sound from her that made your heart race even faster. her hands tangled in your hair, slid down your sides, and settled on your hips, pulling you closer whenever there was even the slightest bit of space between you.
then lara's expression shifted as the reality came crashing back before she suddenly stepped away. you straightened instinctively, your chest still heaving as you waited for her to make the next move.
"you're drunk," she said.
"i'm very aware of every decision i'm making."
"are we sure?" lara tilted her head.
"never been more clear-minded."
"kissing means nothing to you though."
"unless i'm kissing you."
"i'm literally saying i do."
"maybe it's just the atmosphere and the drinks we've had," lara continued.
"you ever heard of drunk words being sober thoughts?"
"y/n. we can't do this we're best friends."
lara's eyes wandered around the room. "i just don't think this is right..."
"ok then..." you blinked, not expecting those words to hit you as hard as they did.
she reached for your arm, but you were already stepping away.
"i'm gonna go find aeri."
"yeah go back to your job."
"listen y/n just text me later," lara sighed.
"will do buddy," you turned before she could see how hurt you looked. there was no chance you were crying in front of her tonight. this whole interaction had just made you the sad type of drunk.
you considered staying and partying longer, maybe drinking enough to forget the entire night, but that would mean risking another run-in with lara or worse megan and manon. right now, that sounded like the worst possible thing that could happen.
so instead, you pushed your way through the crowd, weaving between strangers and trying not to think too hard about the way your chest ached. the music suddenly felt too loud, the room too hot, and every person you bumped into was starting to piss you off.
you just needed to find aeri. thankfully, your prayers were answered when you spotted the korean-japanese girl across the room talking to someone.
"let's go," you said, grabbing her arm.
"huh?" she looked at you.
"i need to get out of here before i crash out."
aeri took one look at your face and immediately let you pull her away, "okay yeah let's go."
she barely bothered saying goodbye to whoever she was with before following you out of the house. neither of you spoke until you were outside. the cool night air hit your face as you sat down on the curb to wait for an uber.
"what happened?" aeri finally looked over at you,
"can we go home first?" you stared down at the pavement.
"just tell me if you're okay?"
"not really," you admitted.
"do i need to fight?" aeri frowned.
"no. it's nothing like that," you chuckled at her.
"but you look like you're finna cry."
"did you call the uber?" you asked, quickly changing the subject.
"i did it as soon as we got out here."
you immediately leaned your head onto her shoulder, "thank you, i love you so much."
"i love you too baby," aeri said, wrapping an arm around you. the gesture almost made you cry for real.
"you think there's still food leftover from today?"
"if there's not i can order you something."
"if there's not we should get taco bell."
"if that's what you want."
the two of you sat there until the uber arrived. aeri simply let you ramble about whatever came to mind instead of pushing for answers. you appreciated that more than she probably realized. most people would've spent the entire time demanding explanations, but aeri was willing to wait on you.
the ride home passed in near silence. you spent most of it leaning against her while replaying the rejection over and over in your head.
once you got home aeri immediately marched you into the kitchen and pointed at one of the stools. "sit."
"okay so there's chicken wings, salad wraps, and pizza," aeri said while searching through the refrigerator.
she pulled out the pizza boxes, grabbed two plates, and started heating everything up.
"you want anything to drink?"
"do we have any of the cutwaters left?"
"yeah one more box left."
"let's do that then." aeri nodded and grabbed them.
the two of you waited in silence while the pizza heated up. you mostly stared blankly at the counter while aeri awkwardly scrolled through her phone, clearly trying to give you space while also making sure you didn't spontaneously start crying.
"so... you ready to talk or...?"
you took a bite of pizza before pointing accusingly at her, "it's your fault."
"me?" aeri pointed at herself.
"you finally did it," aeri's eyes widened.
"yes and it wasn't worth it."
"what happend," she asked just as ning shuffled into the kitchen, looking half asleep, asking the same thing at the exact same time.
"you texted her?" you immediately looked at aeri.
"at least you came perfect timing."
"y'all are still drinking?" ning glanced between the two of you.
without hesitation, ning stole a slice of aeri's pizza and took a bite. "alright inform me on what's going on."
"i was eating that," aeri said.
"we share in this household," ning replied before pointing at you. "anyway, y/n continue."
"how far did i get?" you asked before taking a long sip from your drink.
"you made a move on lara," aeri reminded you.
"you did what!" ning nearly choked.
"oh yeah so basically, she texted me to meet her at the dj booth which is why i left you," you pointed at aeri, "and then she lets manon take over so we can like hang out for a second."
both of them leaned forward focusing very intently on your story.
"so we were like talking and the vibe was like getting kinda romantic because the songs she preplayed were like really slow like what the fuck."
"it is giving she wanted that to be the vibe," aeri immediately nodded.
ning gestured for you to continue.
"and so we're like reminiscing and i'm sitting there thinking, okay, what if i just use being drunk as an excuse to finally confess?" you said. "because she calls me her best friend and i'm like, what if i don't wanna be your best friend? what if i wanna be more than that? so i ask if i can kiss her and she says yes."
you paused to take another sip of your drink.
"and y'know i was doing my fucking best to lock in because of how fucked up i felt, but i knew i wanted to do it. then we're kissing and i'm really into it and suddenly she pulls back and starts talking about how we can't do this because we're best friends and we're drunk and whatever other bullshit," you rolled your eyes as you remembered the whole thing.
"so then i'm trying to explain to her that i'm very aware of the decisions i'm making because, come on, we all know how in love with her i am. i was never scared of my feelings, i was scared of ruining our friendship."
"but she just kept going on about it, and eventually i'm like okay, fuck it. whatever. she obviously doesn't like me back even though everybody keeps telling me she does." you shrugged, looking down at your pizza. "so i told her goodbye and came to find you."
when you finally finished, ning slowly set her slice of pizza down and stared at you for a second. "well, is this a bad time to tell you to just join our relationship?"
"a bad time," aeri said immediately.
"would've made my life a whole lot easier," you muttered.
"always an option," aeri shrugged.
"not right now because i'm heartbroken."
"fair enough," ning nodded thoughtfully.
"what are you gonna do now?" aeri finally asked.
"i don't even know," you let out a long sigh and slumped farther into your chair. "i didn't even text her that i got home."
"well, start by doing that," aeri said.
"can i ghost her afterwards?" you groaned.
"i mean..." ning glanced at aeri. "if that's what's best for you."
"can we think about it first?" aeri said.
"don't be. this is literally your first rejection," ning said.
"everybody else could've rejected me but this one is the only one that affected me."
"yeah..." she said quietly. "that's rough."
you took another drink before finally grabbing your phone off the counter. "oh fuck," you said as you stared at the screen lit up with missed calls and messages.
"i didn't tell anybody i was leaving."
aeri leaned over to look at your screen, "oh, you're cooked."
"very cooked," ning agreed.
"i can't do this right now," you groaned and dropped your forehead against the counter.
"unfortunately," aeri said while reaching for another slice of pizza, "you're gonna have to."
"just text lara back, and then text that one groupchat. everybody else can wait until tomorrow," ning said.
"and then once you're done, we clean up, head up to your room, watch supernatural, and lay down," ning said and the thought alone did make you feel a little better.
"we did wake you up," you realized, feeling a little guilty.
"i would've been more mad if you didn't wake me up," ning said.
"that's actually true," aeri laughed. "she would've woken up tomorrow and started yelling about how nobody tells her anything."
"exactly," ning nodded. "you know me so well."
"this is why i love y'all so much," you smiled at them, feeling emotional.
"that's what friends are for," aeri added, nudging your shoulder.
"okay," you sighed, unlocking your phone. "let's get this over with."
"and then we sleep," ning said.
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