CW: Religious psychosis (If I wrote it right…), religious guilt, possesiveness. The Forgotten Man is Deltarune’s gaster, he’s in love with The Angel, he’s a bit of a freak (a given)
His daily routine was like any other in Hometown. He woke up, prayed for the day ahead of him…thankful for The Angel—and did whatever he had to do for the day. Tending to his patients as a child psychotherapist, being a highly acclaimed therapist by the other monsters in the town. They all looked to him for help, but in his eyes—he was just a man. A man who didn’t deserve the praise, not with how he truly feels. To them, he was normal. To them, he was just a normal guy…who prayed to The Angel and attended church like everybody else. They weren’t aware of just how deep this…fascination with the being is. How much his heart aches for someone…or something that couldn’t possibly care about a nobody like him. He simply couldn’t help this feeling of love. He goes on the internet and tries to search up questions regarding…anything and everything about The Angel. However, he is always met with vague and religious responses. That wasn’t what this was, that wasn’t what he wanted to know. Would The Angel love him, specifically…?
Despite being a well mannered and disciplined man, he finds himself being punished for nothing. He helps people and runs the ferris wheel during festivals, and yet…he still feels miserable. He watches happy couples get on the ferris wheel with a smile, however he longs for something like that as well—and often feels a gut wrenching sense of jealousy. The one he is most interested in, is completely out of his reach. One day, he overheard Father Alvin consoling a poor monster who was having doubts, like himself. Eavesdropping on Alvin telling the monster to never doubt The Angel…and that The Angel loved all, no matter what. That’s all he ever heard. Though strangely, he felt…jealous of this, as well. Was it selfish to feel this way? Of course it was, he thought to himself. It was incredibly foolish and he knew that, but he still couldn’t help himself. Come nightfall, and he prayed to The Angel once more…but more desperate than ever. Hands clasped together and got on his knees.
“…MIGHTY ANGEL, I CALL UPON YOU. IS IT TRUE…?”
“THAT YOU LOVE ALL…? EVEN SOMEONE LIKE ME?” His frown deepened.
“ARE YOU…SURE? THAT YOU LOVE ME, GREAT ANGEL…?”
His body trembled and his clasped hands started to weaken. Losing his resolve already, when he hasn’t even truly started the prayer. He was getting distracted…and so quickly, at that. There wasn’t any point in asking, he already knew he wouldn’t get a response.
“…RIGHT. GREAT ANGEL, CAN I ASK FOR YOUR GUIDANCE ONCE MORE? AND…YOUR STRENGTH.”
“I’M A POOR, FOOLISH MAN…LIFE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT KIND TO ME, AND YET…I STILL FEEL…”
His voice began to shake. Wavering with nearly every word he speaks. For some reason…he desperately wanted a sign or a response from The Angel. “The Angel sees all” is what he’s been told. But if it sees all…then why hasn’t it given a sign. Is it possible it’s been responding to other monsters’ prayers and not his…? Is that why everyone else seems far happier than he is? Has he not been blessed by The Angel? If that’s the case…then…
“AM I NOT DESERVING? GREAT ANGEL, I HAVE SEEN WHAT YOU’VE DONE FOR OTHERS. IS IT…BECAUSE I AM BEYOND SAVING?”
“I’VE BEEN UTTERLY DEVOTED TO YOU. I CHERISH YOU LIKE NO OTHER. I HATE TO SOUND SELFISH AND…ANGEL FORBID, ENVIOUS, BUT DON’T I DESERVE A SIGN, TOO?”
His chest tightened. Like someone was squeezing his soul with a force similar to a death grip. It certainly didn’t help with the already dreadful, hopeless feeling he was currently experiencing.
“I LOVE YOU…YOU KNOW THAT.”
He couldn’t stand this constant feeling of doubt. He hated to doubt the love of The Angel…but it was so hard for him to believe in it anymore. Waiting for signs and recognition that’ll never come. He let out a sigh of defeat and hid his face in his hands. Sobbing into his gloved palms, letting his emotions crash over him. Speaking up, woefully—muffled from his gloves.
“…ANGEL….DON’T LOOK AT ME.”
He shook his head and wiped the pitiful tears from his face. He felt…anger alongside a deep depression. Was it anger at The Angel? Of course not…He didn’t have that kind of courage. He couldn’t just get over this. He was angry with himself—upset that he felt this way to begin with. It complicated every aspect of his life.
“THANK YOU…FOR LISTENING, ANGEL. HOWEVER, I AM ONLY A MAN…I URGE YOU. FORGET ABOUT ME…”
But despite all of this, he would go back to the same cycle. He’ll be praying the next day again, and he knew it. He was completely, and utterly hopeless for something that was bigger than him. Greater than him. And he was just a man. A pathetic one…He slowly stood up from the floor, releasing a soft grunt upon being on his feet now. He had poor knees—and it didn’t exactly help that he was quite tall as well. Removing his glasses so he could properly clear his eyes from his tears. He sighed as he walked out of his bedroom and into the living room instead. He was supposed to pray and go to bed like other nights he spent on his own—but things were different now, after everything he just confessed. Approaching the sizable bookshelf next to the couch, plucking out books and putting them back in. He figured he should read a nice book and have some tea, to relax before he headed to bed. However, he was unsure of what to read—sure, he could go for his favorite, but…He wasn’t in the mood for reading it. He sat down at his couch, a bit defeated, for many, many different reasons. His mind was still stuck on everything he told The Angel just a moment before. He placed his glasses on the side table next to the couch, and leaned forward with his hands placed over his face with a groan. How humiliating. “WHAT DOES THE ANGEL THINK OF ME NOW…?” he spoke beneath his breath. Releasing a sigh as he lowered his hands and reached for his glasses again. Not without pinching his nasal bone in irritation with…everything about himself, before putting them back on.
What he didn’t realize—or perhaps, he had been ignoring, was the familiar heavily paged book on the small round table. A book adorned with the symbol of the Delta Rune. He stared at it with ambivalence, his hands twitching against the fabric of his slacks. He gulped, and looked away with shame. “NO, I SHOULDN’T…” He couldn’t deny the temptation of wanting to just…pick it up and read it like he had many times. It was simply just the fact that everything felt different for him now. He felt both relieved and scared after his confession. To get something like that off of his chest, even if it was sudden, it was incredibly gratifying. He shouldn’t have possibly felt that way at all, and he knew it. To love The Angel the way he did, was a taboo. He’s sure everyone in town would think he was insane, and at that—maybe he was. This was something he simply couldn’t hold back on…however, confessing was also terrifying as well. It was extremely careless of him and he knew this type of love for a being far more magnificent than he could ever be was unconventional. But it was also…unconditional love for The Angel. It almost felt…inevitable, especially for a lonely man such as himself. As much as the Legend of the Delta Rune had impacted his life so heavily…negatively and positively, he enjoyed reading it. Like everything else surrounding The Angel, it was a pleasurably torturous cycle that he’d never want to truly stop at all. He felt a small rush of excitement coursing through him—a telltale sign, that he certainly wasn’t going to just ignore his most intense desires. He chuckled quietly to himself and got up from the couch, ready to make himself some tea. Once it was finished…
He sat back down…and picked up the book.
Sitting there, sipping on his favorite tea while reading all about his Angel. He did feel better than he did earlier, to a certain degree. There was still a feeling of something else hanging over him, but for the most part he felt…happy, almost. He started feeling rather exhausted during his reading, however. So he used a bookmark to keep track of where he left off. One particular passage that reminded him of what Father Alvin had been telling that monster earlier that day. Perhaps…maybe his Angel will see and notice his devotion after what he confessed? Or was that wishful…maybe even selfish thinking? The mere potential of that made him very excited…but he knew he couldn’t let that feeling stay. He had to rest now…He stood up from the couch and washed his now empty teacup, then turned off all the lights. Now walking over to his bedroom. Where he changed his clothes and got comfortable, now tucked inside of his bed all cozy-like. His glasses set aside on his bedside table. He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling blankly. Letting his thoughts consume him, most were…strangely hopeful. Others were far more negative. Ones that were far too hard on himself. Wondering if he truly deserved the love of his Angel…He was a desperate, old man, with the selfish desire to be the only one The Angel loves. But he also had thoughts of the reminder that his Angel watches all, and that was something that made him giddy…He was utterly restless. He usually had difficulties sleeping, but tonight it seemed to be more difficult than normal. What could he possibly do now? He tried to read and drink tea to relax but that hadn’t helped at all! He still couldn’t truly relax his contradictory mind at this hour.
Maybe…he should just lay there in silence. Until, eventually…hopefully, the sun rose to the sky and shined on him once more.
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