if anyone needs me i'll be in my coffin

"you should be at the club" I can't go to the club I'll be in there saying shit like "perchance" and "thrice"

if someone gets killed by a grizzly bear or a polar bear it’s like “Damn, that’s unfortunate. Luck of the draw.” but if someone gets killed by a black bear you’re like “What did they do to that bear to make it that angry?”

australian sour patch kids have gluten in them i am truly at my fucking limit im crashing out im waging war against wheat idgaf anymore

oh is that one of those things where ableist companies put in traces of common allergens so they can just avoid the cost of making it safe

WHAT

i am not a psychiatrist but i do find it really weird how autism checklists are so often focused on "outward" signs of autism rather than what is going on internally. i don't know how to explain it but "do you make eye contact with other people" feels like a much less relevant question than "how does it feel when you have to make eye contact with other people?"

disabled ppl we need to start lying to nosy people okay? you tell me i'm too young to need a cane and i will tell you point blank that maybe you should tell that to the guy who ran me over. you don't get an explanation of my health issues you get lies and depending on how much of an asshole i want to be that lie will be anything from a humble car crash to a 1 billion lions attack. mind yr business.

"i could never live like that" well maybe you'll have to because this happened overnight. yeah you heard me i was the most able bodied man in the world but then one morning bam i woke up disabled. yeah you could have that too. there's no cure either you'll just wake up one morning and now you have to live like me

"what happened" well have you ever seen looney tunes? yeah an anvil landed on me and squished me flat.

i know everyone is tired of hearing it from me but i'll never be free from how people think you can only ship a het ship WOKELY if the man is a pathetic useless idiot and the girl babysits and pegs him and has the personality of a door. i promise you won't get your woke card revoked if you spend five minutes of your time to consider the girl has a personality and the guy might be a competent person. and maybe she likes getting dicked down and is a little pathetic too. have you considered also liking the girl and maybe wanting her to be a spoiled baby too? also I'll Kill You