ur therapist gf

hi again anonie <3

im so glad you went and communicated w him abt how you felt, its often hard to do so, and im so proud of you for taking the first step in clearing things up.

as for your decision of taking a break, as long as it resonates w what you want, its completely fine! 3 months is a long enough time to relearn how to be by yourself, and as you said, you wont have lingering feelings for him anymore bcz you will have adapted to continuing your life w/o him. do be mindful of going back to him during this period though, when youre still attached and might crave the comfort that the relationship gave you.

its valid to feel as if he cant provide you a secure relationship anymore bcz of the things he did, and its good that you are aware of his good and bad traits. in my opinion, the characteristics you dislike abt him might not appear to affect your relationship at first, but they might manifest in ugly ways in the future and you might get hurt bcz of it. if hes fully aware of the consequences of what he does and is focusing on changing that, and if you do have concrete evidence of him having changed over the break, then it might be worth giving a shot again.

however, you should be honest w yourself abt the insecurities that can be resolved through reassurance and communication, and ones that might keep coming up in the relationship and no amount of reassurance would solve it. you know yourself best, so try making an internal decision based on this.

if you are sure about why you dont want to get back with him, then i think you should set a boundary where it is apparent to him as well as you that the only reason you two are talking is for the project, and doing anything else would be way out of line, such as try to make you happy by being extra attentive or make small talk

letting go of someone can be hard, but you need to remember that this is not a connection that will fulfill you in any way, it's only temporary satisfaction. you two are no longer in a relationship, so unless you want to continue being friends w him or stay on good terms, maintaining a connection is not healthy for either of you. it will create false hope and an illusion of comfort that the two of you are still connected to each other, but the truth is that you no longer have a connection like that.

if you still want him to be in your life platonically then go for it, but romantically, you ended things for a reason, and ill assume it was a reason that is important to you, so dont lose sight of that

as for creating a boundary, id suggest taking it up w him if you can, mentioning how you noticed the conversation reverting to old patterns, and explaining that you dont want that bw the two of you

im so sorry you feel like this 🥹

i dont know you personally but take this from me, you are NOT replaceable, and you are important and necessary in your own way. if the people around you make you feel insecure or unworthy, then you are keeping the wrong company. in good company, you are going to truly feel valued and loved for being whatever way you are, period.

again, since i dont know you i cant be more specific, but what you're struggling with sounds like anxious attachment to me, where lack of reassurance and connection makes you feel on the edge.

there is no way to get out of this other than by being honest w yourself about why this is happening, and expressing how you feel and why you feel so to the person you're talking to, so that they can reassure you from time to time. also, a few things that help me when i overthink is to listen to music or take a quick walk, since both of these help in slowing down your thought process, as a result of which you can think clearer. if im in class or somewhere where i cant do either of these, i simply pause whenever i find myself overthinking, and try to bring back my focus to whats happening in the present.