This is going to be a pinned post: all updates, replies and reblogs will take place below) Just wanted to tackle some common questions & requests I get.Ā
Blog readabilityĀ
My blog has long since become a multi-fandom space. If you want to see posts about specific fandoms and you donāt want me to clutter your dash with discussions you arenāt interested in, please block the corresponding tags.
For Hannibal fandom: hannigram, hannibal
For Black Butler: sebaciel, black butler, kuroshitsuji
For Harry Potter: tomarry, harrymort
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Asks & support
I welcome practically all kinds of asks, the only problem I have is with antis. Iād rather not explain why fiction preferences have no relevant impact on reality, so if you think about asking these questions, please donāt)
Also, if you want to justify Ruzzian aggression against my country, Ukraine, then Iād appreciate not seeing this. I wonāt reply to such asks.Ā
Sometimes it takes me a really long time to reply, but please rest assured that I read and care about every ask I receive. If you suspect that Tumblr might have eaten your question, you can send me a follow-up message with a reminder, I donāt mind!
If you can and want to support me financially and/or youād like to read 10 chapters of my original dark romance novel: hereās my Patreon. I set it up as a version of Buy-me-a-coffee because PayPal wasnāt accessible in Ukraine. You can contribute $1 or change it to any amount you want & cancel the subscription or keep it up for whatever period of time you prefer.
An important note to this: Iām doing more or less okay at the moment, so there is nothing urgent happening. However, war has brought many negative changes into my life, and I deeply appreciate any help I get.Ā
Fic recs & TV series recsĀ
(Iāll keep updating these posts when I can)
Original books that I loved
Fic recs based on a fandomĀ
Devil Judge and To My Shore: some of my most favorite series
A list of TV shows that some of you recommended and which I watched: Stranger Things, What We Do in the Shadows, Succession, Wednesday, Luther, Interview with the Vampire, Versailles
Another list with mostly Asian series I watched: ABO Desire, Pit Babe, Revenged Love, My Stubborn, The Next Prince, My Stand-In
Strangers from Hell, Heated Rivalry, and Word of Honor
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I was hoping to respond to all the lovely and fascinating asks I've gotten, but my vacation is coming up in a few days, so the work is extremely busy right now! I'll try to do what I was planning tomorrow; meanwhile, here is the snippet for the next chapter of ATLWETD. If everything goes well, the chapter itself should be posted in about 2 weeks.
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āHere you go,ā Riddle handed him a hard enamel mug, smiling slightly. āYour surprise.ā
Harry accepted the mug, peering inside, and his brows shot up in astonishment.
Riddle brought him tea. It was obviously watery, but compared to the semi-transparent liquid sold at most bomb sites and shared with the orphanage, this drink looked almost luxurious. Harry hadnāt tried anything resembling actual tea since they left Hogwarts.
āIs this my birthday gift?ā he asked, a genuine smile touching his lips. Riddle paused for a moment, a strange expression flickering across his face.
āYou could be satisfied with a cup of tea as a birthday gift?ā
āWell, itās nice when someone remembers your birthday and cares enough to give you something, whatever it is.ā Harry clenched the mug with both hands, enjoying the warmth that began to seep under his skin. Today, the heat outside was tempered by the occasional rain, so holding something so warm felt almost cosy.
He was about to take a sip when Riddle stopped him.
āWhat does it smell like?ā he asked. His voice was brimming with something heavy and seductive, and Harry squinted at him curiously before sniffing the tea.
āIām not sure?ā he murmured, taking another sniff. āSomething sweet, I guess. And woody. Maybe a little bitter? Whatever it is, I like it. Where did you get it?ā Harry took a sip, only to frown a bit. For such a great smell, the taste was surprisingly bland.
He wasnāt going to say this to Riddle, though, so he hastened to take a few more sips, letting out a hum of appreciation.
Riddle licked his lips, staring at him intently. His pupils were blown wide, and Harry felt an answering tug in his stomach. He lowered the mug, thinking about stepping closer, when his mind suddenly plunged into a complete, white-coloured oblivion.
For a moment, he saw and thought of nothing, but then the image of Riddle exploded behind his eyelids like starlight. Every feature of his suddenly became ten, twenty, a hundred times more mesmerising.
His body shuddered with violent need, and distantly, Harry heard himself gasping from it. His hands shook as he dropped the mug and reached for Riddle, his heart slamming against his ribcage with increasingly desperate force. Adoration, pure and magnificent, bloomed in him. It filled every corner and crevice, overwhelmed him to the brim: Harry could feel it grow larger and larger and larger, taking roots in his bones and stretching until it possessed every part of him.
Riddle continued to stand there, watching him with dark, curious eyes. There was a flash of anticipation in them, and all Harry wanted⦠all he wanted wasā¦
What was he doing?
The weak twitch of a rational thought was quickly extinguished by more floods of white-hot adoration. However, the longer Harry basked in it, the more wrong it felt.
Wasnāt it like⦠like being under Imperio? The same floating sensation⦠the same impossible, endless feeling of happiness⦠the sameā¦
āIs something the matter?ā Riddle asked. His voice was like silk ā how could Harry ever resist it before? How could he not worship it properly? Riddle had the most beautiful voice in the world. And his lips⦠his nose⦠his eyesā¦
No. Something had to be wrong.
Harry tried to blink multiple times in a row, hoping that his vision would restore itself and heād be rid of this strange, rosy hue everything seemed to be painted with.
Imperio? But Riddle hadnāt cast it on him. The magic⦠they couldnāt use it, so what happened to him? Why was he unable to think?
The more Harry hesitated, the more Riddle frowned. Finally, he crossed the last step separating them, took Harry by his chin, and tilted his head up.
āIs that what youāre like when you are lovesick?ā he wondered. His thumb brushed against Harry's lips insistently, and Harry all but melted at the touch. āUncertain and passive? This doesnāt seem like you.ā
Riddleās thumb pressed down, and Harryās lips parted obediently, taking it in. However, at the same moment, another flash of realisation lit up in him, temporarily overshadowing Riddleās wonderful, glowing face.
Lovesick. Lovesick? He was being lovesick? Could it beā¦
Rationality split his mind apart. It wouldnāt last long, Harry could already feel it slipping away again, but before it had a chance to vanish entirely, he bit Riddleās finger harshly.
With a startled sound, Riddle recoiled from him, and Harry hastened to turn away and throw himself to the window. With the missing glass, it was easy to thrust his head outside: he gulped in some moist air and stretched as far as he could without falling, hoping that the rain would do something to cool him down.
Riddle⦠that bastard⦠He drugged him. Despite the promise heād made back at Hogwarts, he still drugged him. With Amortentia, of all things.
The worst thing was that it was working, and it seemed way more powerful than Imperio. His sanity was fading, that disgusting, stupid, blissed-out joy taking its place instead.
He had to do something! He had to⦠he couldnāt let Riddle win, not in this, never in this.Ā Ā
Panic spun around in his head, sending quick, short bursts of dread through his veins. Overrun by an adrenaline rush, Harry desperately scanned the yard outside with his eyes, hoping to find something, someone, anything to distract himself with.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
There was only Ted Anderson playing around with a ball there. The rain didnāt seem to bother him, so Harryās mind latched onto him with frantic desperation.
Ted Anderson was the brother of the older boy who used to bully Riddle when he was younger⦠Unlike him, he was quiet and timid⦠and he was⦠beautiful? So very beautiful.
The fight for sanity was lost. Something kept lurking at the back of Harryās mind, some acute sensation of wrongness, but the rest of him was fully focused on the new object of his adoration.
How come heād never paid attention to Ted Anderson before? He was so brave to still be out there, playing despite the rain⦠And wasnāt his red hair stunning? Harry always loved red hair. His Mom had red hair. Ron had red hair. Fred and George had it, and Ginny, andā¦
The image of Riddleās face swam before him for a moment, fighting for dominance. A flare of cold rationality followed immediately afterwards, only to be swallowed back by a fresh wave of fascination for Ted.Ā Ā
He was just so nice. Why had they never talked before? Harry had to speak to him immediately.
Determined, he stumbled away from the window, his eyes focused on the door, when Riddle suddenly blocked his path.
āWhere are you going?ā he asked. His brows were furrowed; he looked extremely dissatisfied for some reason, and Harryās eyes lingered on him as another surge of conflicting emotions flooded him.
His mind instantly rebelled. The insistent pull to Riddle faded, replaced by an even stronger need for the boy downstairs.
āI need to go talk to Ted Anderson,ā Harry murmured, trying to bypass Riddle and reach the door. āI really, really like him.ā
Since Riddle was blocking his path by standing directly in front of him, Harry saw the way he froze. Frowning, he took another step, but Riddleās hands suddenly squeezed his shoulders. His grip was hard and bruising, and the pain briefly cleared the confusing fog in Harryās mind.Ā Ā Ā
Who was he supposed to like? Was he supposed to like anyone at all? Surely not like this? This feeling of absolute blinding happiness couldnāt be real, so why was it clinging to him?
āSay it again,ā Riddle ordered. His voice was so cold that Harry shivered uncontrollably.Ā Ā
āI really likeā¦ā he began to say, but the rage on Riddleās face made him pause. Once again, the fog lifted, this time for long enough to let him get a grasp on reality.
Riddle. Amortentia.
He could fight off the Imperius curse, but he was failing to do so with Amortentia. The only thing he succeeded in was redirecting his artificially inflated feelings for Riddle to someone else, but this redirection was wobbly at best. It just added to the confusion; Harry felt like his head was about to split.
What should he do? Why couldnāt he fight it?
āLook at me and say it again.ā Riddle wasnāt speaking loudly, but it was like his voice exploded right inside Harryās ears. He winced and tried to pull away, but Riddle jerked him back so easily, as if he were some rag doll. āWho do you like?ā
Every cell in him vibrated with the need to answer. But what was he supposed to say? Who did he like?
At this specific moment, he couldnāt even remember that other orphanās name, but admitting he liked Riddle⦠No. Never.
āNot you,ā Harry growled. If he werenāt so busy trying to keep himself focused, he would have lashed out and punched this bastard already.Ā Ā Ā Ā
Giving this answer must have aggravated the traces of Amortentia in his body because it hit him even more viciously, forcibly thrusting the image of Riddle to the centre of his brain.
The resistance melted away, a sickening rush of fake adoration flooding in again. If Riddle wasnāt holding him so tightly, Harry would have probably thrown himself at him and suffocated him with a kiss by now.Ā Ā Ā Ā
āImpossible,ā Riddle spat. His eyes were alight with fury. āThatās not how this potion is supposed to work!ā
This potion.
The word was sobering. It let rationality stagger back up to the surface. Panting, Harry shut his eyes and tried to think of that other boy again.
Ted? Ted Anderson.
Even if he couldnāt shake off Amortentia entirely, he could at least stop Riddle from getting what he wanted. It was better to obsess over someone else than to let his real feelings for Riddle, uncertain but undeniable, be reduced to this cheap parody of infatuation.
The moment Harry came to this conclusion, the world faded from view. With the last bit of stubbornness, he held on to the image of Ted Anderson, and his lips twitched dreamily.
āI like Ted,ā he declared confidently. No words ever sounded so right. āSo hurry up and let go of me. I need to confess to him.ā
Riddle's face twisted into an expression so ugly, it was almost surprising enough to distract Harry from his object of affection. He felt a violent shift of magic in the air, but it dissipated almost immediately.
Taking a slow, deep breath, Riddle closed his eyes. A vein kept thrumming against his temple wildly.Ā Ā Ā Ā
āYou really thrive on defying my expectations, donāt you?ā he murmured. His voice was so low, like he was applying a titanic effort to restrain himself. āYou never do what I want.ā
āI just wantāā
āIf you say his name againā¦ā Riddleās voice trailed off, lips forming a strange, chilling smile. āWell. You will drive me to do something drastic. Very much so.ā Ā
Hello hello! I think you mentioned that you like listening to theories about the plot of ATLWETD?
I have one :D
I've read some of your responses, and I might be saying something completely nonsensical right now, but just hear me out!
We're getting closer to the middle of the story⦠(it will probably fall around the end of seventh year i guess). I think this is where Tom's betrayal will happen. I feel like it will be connected to just one thing: Tom ends up using Legilimency on Harry. Judging by your little spoilers, he finds out about the prophecy in some way (and even about Dudley Dursley! ahaha). And the only source of this information is Harry himself.
Sorry if this is outright nonsense, I just sometimes like to think about your stories ā they are beautifully written. Thank you so much for every single one you have shared with us ā¤ļø
Oh yes, I do! :D
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A note: those who don't want to see even small ATLWETD spoilers shouldn't read my response.
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I love your theory! Tom will indeed learn about the prophecy, and it will be one of the key reasons that will push him to react even more strongly than he would otherwise. Legilimency should also play its role: it won't be how Tom finds out the truth, but it will contribute to the betrayal.
Also, thanks to everyone else who sent their theories, it's so fascinating to read them! Today was a bad day, so I'll try to reply to everything tomorrow <3
hi I am currently re-reading WHGTB and I am also a huge Fan of ATLWETD. What is the greatest difference in Toms feelings regarding Harry right now? (Hope itās not a spoiler)
Hi! Do you mean the difference between how Tom felt for Harry in WHGTB vs. how he feels about him at the current stage of ATLWETD?
If so: in both stories, it takes about two years for Tom to fully decide that Harry is his person and that he will never let him go. However, this period of indecision is described briefly in WHGTB, so we spend most of the story watching how obsessed Tom is with Harry and how he worships the ground he walks on.
In ATLWETD, a big part of the story focuses on the slow burn. We're watching all the stages of how Tom's feelings develop, from fascination, possessiveness, attraction, and obsession to love, tenderness, and worship. Right now, we are in the stage of attraction and obsession.
The main difference is that in WHGTB, for the most part, Tom adored Harry and would never let him come to any physical harm. In ATLWETD, Tom hurts Harry himself repeatedly; I'd say his feelings are more physically abusive, and attraction plays a big role here. In this story, Harry started breaking through his walls after they had been carefully constructed and cultivated for years; Tom is unsettled by his own feelings, so while he's fascinated, he also resents Harry for throwing his mind into chaos.
He wants to dominate him, to overwhelm him; he thinks about Harry nearly all the time now, and he despises him for it. So there is always a touch of cruelty in his actions. He's also completely clueless about love and how to express it. In WHGTB, Harry raised Tom, so he learned what love is, even though his idea of it was still twisted; in ATLWETD, Tom is way more detached from this concept.
He'll also come to a stage where he abhors the very idea of harming even a strand of hair on Harry's head, but it will take him a while.
I desperately need to know more about the amortentia situation in atlwetd šš if you're willing to share of course
(Also sending my teeny little bit of moral support over the internet!)
Thank you <3 Maybe I'll post the snippet about Amortentia next.
In short, Tom will be getting extremely disturbed by his own feelings, so he'll want to orchestrate a situation where Harry is openly lovesick toward him to gauge how that makes him react and what he'll feel. Only things will go very, very wrong :D
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Will tgstlth be updated soon? Hope youāre doing well
Thank you <3 I'm afraid it'll be a while before the new chapter gets written! I need to finish the last update for my Tomarry first and then write the closing chapter for my Batjokes story. But I will probably combine the latter with writing TGSTLTH since I really, really miss Sebastian and Ciel, so hopefully, I'll start sharing some snippets relatively soon!
Hello!! I enjoyed reading your <What he grows to be> and your ongoing <And the living will envy the dead> so much but I have a questionš¤š¤ Is there a reason the knight of walpurgis have different personalities from the former story? Lestrange was practically smitten with Tom in whgtb but he's in love with Greengrass in atlwetd and Avery went from nonchalant to a bit desperate and bad at hiding his feelings and such. Is this because of the different timeline or because you saw the new personalities fit the story more?
Hi! Oh, that was on purpose because I didn't want the supporting characters from WHGTB and ATLETD to have the same personalities. We know practically nothing about them from canon, so this gives us a chance to reimagine them time and time again.
So, in a new plot, each of them has new looks and new traits)) This suits the story better, and hopefully, it feels different from WHGTB.
I love all of your tomarry fics. They are so beautifully written. WHGTB changed my brain chemistry forever, Iāll always remember the joy and exhilaration the first time Iāve read it. Nothing will compare to it. Yesterday I was reading the new update for TLWETD and I literally cannot contain my excitement. Ohh how I love how you characterize Tom. Giggling and kicking my feet. Amazing writing! I have several working theories and I canāt wait to find out what happens next!
On a different note, do you think you will write an Harrymort one day? Your Tom is weirdly relatable (complimentary) even tho heās a psychopath. The last few paragraph where he talked about war and how it frightens him made me teared up. His humanity shines through your words. So, circling back to Voldemort, Iām mostly curious how you would write him as a character?
Hope for safety for you and your family. ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
Hi! Thank you, I'm so glad that you've enjoyed both WHGTB and ATLWETD. Also, I'd love to hear your theories :D This always makes things so exciting to me.
Writing Tom is always a pleasure. I love psychopathic characters, and I especially love it when they fall in love. The more slowly Tom warms up to Harry, the harder he is going to fall, and once he finally does, his obsession will be unstoppable. He'll probably be willing to sell the remaining parts of his soul just to see Harry smile at him, and I highly anticipate getting to this point.
As for Harrymort: it's possible, but it would probably be something completely AU where Voldemort preserved his sanity and at least half of his looks :D Because to be honest, while I applaud the writers who write Harrymort convincingly with the canon version of Voldemort, that's not something I can see myself doing. I think Voldemort is too far gone, and that's the type of unpredictability and insanity that I'm not very interested in. I also really like for both partners to be equals - maybe not in every sense, but more or less so, and I can't see it happening between canon Harry and Voldemort.
If I were to write Harrymort, I would probably follow the trajectory of Train to Nowhere where Voldemort is really, really detached from humanity, but still pretty sane. He rules the world, and Harry grows up to be a highly interesting and unusual person who captures his attention.
I have no specific ideas yet because my feelings and my plans tend to change, but this is how I see it for now. Voldemort being a king of the world he conquered and Harry challenging him in the most unexpected ways.
I really, really hope you're safe.. Thank you for everything you have done despite literally having your life in danger constantly. We love you.
Another ask from @bbchlow: Hi! I hope you're doing well ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
Another ask: Hello Katrin, praying you and your loved ones are unharmed after the latest horrific attack on Kiyv. Absolutely disgusting how Russia's trying to justify these strikes as "retaliatory" when they've been bombing Ukraine's civilian infrastructure since the beginning of the war. As always, you're a brilliant writer and your stories have been bringing me and countless others joy for many years. Your resilience and the ability to find strength to stick to your long-term projects in these circumstances is truly admirable. You're the strongest person I know. I hope you and your loved ones can make it through to the end of this hell.
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Hi! Thank you so much for your support and your care <3 Yeah, Russia decided to break the record from two weeks ago, so this night my city was hit even harder. A lot of houses and people and animals suffered; some died.
Basically, this is how our night and morning started.
I won't lie, it's tough and infuriating to face this reality. But there are a lot of things holding me anchored, and my fandoms and my readers are a big part of it. I actually wrote a lot today!
I also want to use this chance to give a quick update on the situation with my harassing neighbor and to thank all the people who left me their words of support.
@lovely-lotus, @bbchlow, @heyooooookk, @eternemi, @luinehil, @sweetmoonbunny, @littlemissperfection813, @wonderxxlottie, @maryannjavier, @copeop, @nerthony, @thatknightwiththeoath, @cessly, and now @vitalhollow:
thank you so, so much for your care and compassion. I actually didn't expect to receive so many comforting notes, I just wanted to vent a bit, so it took me by surprise and it made me feel so warm and protected, even though you are all so far away.
And extra thanks to @holaolla1, @localkilljoy and @emeraldsea94, for your detailed advice and suggestions. I really appreciate them. My father used to be a police officer, so he instilled a strong sense of safety in me. In fact, I'm almost paranoid about it: I never go anywhere unarmed, and I'm wary of everyone unless I know them really well.
In this case, me being introverted and working from home helps. I rarely go outside, and since I'm extremely close with my family, I almost never do it alone. If no one is with me, I let my parents know where and when I'm going, and I often turn on a geo tracker to let them see me if they need it.
The creepy neighbor has forgotten about even a superficial sense of property: last time, he groped me right in front of my Mom, which prompted me to make that post. I haven't seen him since then, though, and hopefully, the number of our run-ins will be minimal. His brother returned, too, just a few days ago, so I'm relieved because he's a really good guy. I hope he'll be able to keep the creep in check, this is how it usually worked.
A few years back, before the war started, the creepy neighbor was on drugs and tried to break into my apartment. Fortunately, I heard the noise, so I held the door manually, tried to calm his ranting down, and called his brother. He came and took him away. Now that he's here, too, I feel a bit safer.
So, thank you all so much again! With all this stuff happening, I failed to finish writing the chapter in May, but I did make some progress. I'll share a snippet soon.
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Some of my personal venting because this week was really challenging, both mentally and physically :(
We lived through one of the biggest attacks on my city on May 14, and one of the Russian missiles hit the apartment building in my neighborhood. 24 people died, and some more are considered missing because there is nothing left to identify them from.
I actually did a short recording of myself during that night, as I sat in the hallway and tried to read a book. I don't like to do videos like these, but I still wanted to have a physical reminder of the times we go through.
It doesn't reflect the real volume of explosions, but it's really, really terrifying because you know your life might end every single moment. It's one big, endless, deadly lottery.
And there is another deeply unpleasant problem I've run into. I'm being sexually harassed by my neighbor. He always had a thing for me, but when the war started, he left to fight. Now he came back, and his harassment became really extreme.
I'm wary of snapping at him the way I want to because I consider him unstable and dangerous, and he lives literally next door and has a ton of equally suspicious friends. However, allowing myself to be harassed is also not an option, especially since it's clearly progressing at abnormal rates. This is grating on my nerves and making me feel unsafe.
My writing experienced a setback because of all this, but I hope to get back on track starting Monday. I have so many lovely and interesting asks and comments to respond to, and I'm so grateful to all of you for sending them and supporting me.
Hey, just popping by to remind you once again just how much and how often I think about you (as the wonderful author who, through her wonderful writing, gave me the push I needed to start writing a tomarry fic, smth that I'd always wanted (and needed, at a soul-level) to write.
Hope you are doing well. Hope you're safe and sound.
A lifetime of praises won't be enough to express my love, gratitude and regard for you.
Hi! Thank you for your lovely message, I appreciate your words so much! I'm happy that you continue to write your story, and I'm sure your readers are delighted as well. It's so gratifying to think how many stories our part of fandom has even now.
I desperately wanted to fit the hug in, but if I did that it would never get finished š hope this is okay regardless! Three years and this fic still has me in a chokeholdā¦
Wow!.. This is sooo beautiful and vivid and just plain amazing! I can never properly describe how surreal it feels to see the scenes I imagined and wrote down get a brilliant visual representation like this. I love every part of it, it's difficult to look away.
The vibes are just perfect, and the way they look at each other... Tom is such an intense, condescending, possessive jerk, and Harry is torn between anger and desire he increasingly can't control. As always, they are a disaster waiting to happen.
This is so deeply inspiring, way more than I can express in words, so thank you so much!! I love it!
I read somewhere here that you weāre watching āTo my Shoreā and Iām dyinggg to know your thoughts
Yes! Oh, I don't even know where to start with it. To My Shore is one of the best love stories I have ever watched; the book it's based on, Four-Faced Buddha, is also one of the best romances I've read. I have so much endless praise for both of them, I find myself getting incoherent with it, lol. So, if you find my babbling below confusing, this is why!
To My Shore is the pinnacle of obsession, love, angst, redemption, and worshipping the ground one's partner walks on. Both actors are amazing. This level of acting has rendered me entirely speechless; I genuinely cried with them, my heart kept getting broken, and my anxiety kept skyrocketing to the point where I had to hit pause time and time again to calm down and get myself in order. I don't even remember the last time I felt so affected. Chemistry and passion are also magnificent here, they are so palpable, wow.
Fan Xiao, to me, is a character with clear psychopathic and BPD traits. Manipulation is in his blood; he's cold, indifferent, cruel, and toxic in every way you look at him. What amazed me is that he's actually someone on the aro-ace spectrum! Gray-romantic and graysexual. Until You Shu Lang, he never felt sexual or romantic attraction to anyone. I've never seen it depicted in fiction, so I found it fascinating.
You Shu Lang himself is the perfection of a character. Very often, even if obsession is depicted well in some series, I remain skeptical of the reasons for it. The objects of other characters' obsession tend to be so ordinary that I just don't get what's so special about them to warrant this crazy level of devotion and adoration. With You Shu Lang, I totally get it, and I understand why Fan Xiao grows to worship him.
He's not perfect; he's really not the divine being Fan Xiao sees him as, but he's so deep and so fascinating. He's endlessly good, but he's the opposite of a pushover. He protects himself fiercely and he maintains very strong boundaries. He's unyielding in his decisions: using Fan Xiao's words from the book, if You Shu Lang says no, then it's a no. Hard stop.
You Shu Lang always wants to help people, but if he can't, he's not going to suffer or beat himself up over it. He'll accept it calmly because he understands how life works, and that sometimes we are hopeless in our effort to change something.
He loves his brother, but while he's willing to sacrifice a lot for him, he's not going to let him walk over him even if the price of this decision is high. You Shu Lang has so much dignity and quiet power that you can't help but admire him.
If he feels something is wrong, then he trusts his intuition. If he has difficulties, if he is beaten down, he gets up and carries on. If he is in a relationship, he's entirely devoted: I was amazed at how loyal he stayed to Lu Zhen (his initial boyfriend) even despite being clearly attracted to Fan Xiao at the start of the show. And then⦠he loved Fan Xiao so much. He took care of him in so many ways - only to get his heart broken and spat on and burned to ashes.
E8 killed me, I was so floored by the level of heartbreak and emotion in it⦠And Fan Xiao didn't stop after this; he didn't understand he was in love until it was way too late, and then he just couldn't let go because You Shu Lang became the center of his world. Threatening You Shu Lang, ruining his career, forcing him to have sex with him when he's clearly unwilling, all but keeping him hostage - all because Fan Xiao can't imagine how to live without him, and he can't bear to let him go. It was excruciating to watch.
But then the redemption arc began, and I believed it. I think it was done very masterfully. And the way Fan Xiao becomes by the end of the series⦠he's still psychopathic, he's still an obsessed stalker, but he'd also rather die than hurt You Shu Lang now. He's content to just stare at him for days and days; he forces himself to stay sane time and time again for the price of seeing You Shu Lang happy, even if it's not with him.
And You Shu Lang⦠being forced into cruelty, something alien to him; understanding he loves Fan Xiao and that Fan Xiao definitely loves him, but still being unable to forgive him⦠There are so many emotional struggles in To My Shore, and they are all so painful.
The show's ending, despite being happy, still feels a little bittersweet, so I can't wait for the special episodes! And I'm so grateful for the book because it expands on everything and shows what happens next.
So⦠yeah, I'm a huge, crazed fan now :D Endless thanks to people who recommended To My Shore to me. This show will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Forgive me for taking so long, I was too excited. God knows how many hardships I went through to find your account. English is not my native language, so please forgive my translator. I read the first chapter of WHGTB on my birthday in 2024, which was authorized to be translated into Chinese on software in China. I was immediately completely attracted, tempted by the devil, with stunning and unforgettable beautiful words. I have never seen Tom and Harry so close to the original work, they are vivid and lifelike. But due to the translatorās reasons, I was stuck in the most anxious chapter and had no idea where to read, which made me extremely regretful.Ā
Afterwards, I found the AO3 website and finally found the article. I was almost as thirsty as a traveler in the desert, reading all the chapters crazily. I saw that you updated the new chapter on Black Butler, and interestingly, my friend happens to be a loyal fan of Sebastian and Charles, so I immediately recommended you to her. I was hoping that you would update on their birthdays or Christmas, but my hopes fell through. I kept talking about this to my friends, which almost annoyed them, hahaha.Ā
After going through long and cruel exams and studies, I finally waited for the new chapter of your annual update. When I saw it in the computer class at school, I almost cried and scared my classmates around me. I cannot describe how many times I have tasted your words repeatedly. Perhaps you donāt know that itās not possible to log in to the Tumblr software in China, so after going through a lot of trouble, I was finally able to write this paragraph late at night. I am extremely anxious for the following chapters, wishing I could finish reading them all in one day, but of course, this is impossible. I donāt want to cause you any form of pressure, I just hope you can receive my love and support.Ā
At the same time, I am also paying attention to the Russia Ukraine war, and I am really worried about your situation. I hope you are doing well, taking care of your health, and perhaps considering immigrating to a safer country. I donāt know if you can see my message, but please keep going anyway. If you are willing, I hope you can come to my country for tourism or settlement. Also, I am really curious about what books you usually read to have such strong writing and expression abilities, or any music or film works.
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Response
Hi there! Oh, I can't even tell you how much your message touched me. Considering how difficult it was for you to even find a way to drop me a line, I'm completely in awe, and I appreciate the effort you went to so much.
Hearing how much you enjoyed my works makes me so, so happy. I experienced these situations by myself: reading a story and then seeing the translation ending at the worst possible moment, with no hope of being updated. Eventually, my fervent need to read everything made me learn English, and I'm so grateful that this is where I ended up. So knowing that my story became the reason for someone to go looking for the original, too, and then getting in touch despite the website not being easily accessible, is really the highest form of praise.
I love both my Tom/Harry and Ciel/Sebastian stories, so rest assured, the updates will keep coming! Ā
Funnily, lately, Chinese novels and series have completely stolen my heart, with Word of Honor andĀ To My Shore taking a very prominent space there. I even began to learn some basics of the Chinese language just out of my fascination. In fact, I just had a situation similar to what you described: I wanted to read the extra stories from the original novel that aren't translated into English yet, but the official Chinese website doesn't let people from Ukraine in, so I could only fume and obsess over it! These restrictions are so maddening, ugh.
If the world gets a little kinder, I would absolutely love to go to China one day. Relocating to another country is impossible for now due to my parents and our financial situation, but for now, everything is not bad as it could be.
As for my general reading/watching lists... Honestly, I think it's about quantity and practice :D I've been reading and writing practically since I remember myself; improving bit by bit is inevitable in this case. If you're interested in more specific recs, I have some at the bottom of this pinned post. It doesn't have everything, not at all, but it lists some books and shows I like and re-read/re-watch often. I really need to update it, though! Will try to do it soon.
Thank you so much, again, for everything you wrote. Wishing you the best of luck with your current and future studies, and if you want to discuss anything, I'm always around! Ā Ā
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hello! forgive me if this is too forwardā¦but Tom and Harry are definitely going to be having sex next chapter, right? ik you donāt like writing sex scenes and that you said youād write them chaste like you did in whgtb (which would be completely fine, i actually think it fits your writing flow perfectly!) so Iām wonderfully surprised with how bold Tomās getting.
it seems pretty unavoidable for them to not have sex bc wdym theyāre alone š in a small bedroom š and Tomās going to be so stressed and pent up from the bombs š and i remember you saying that theyād be super close after the summer? after that snippet you shared of them gearing up to kiss i literally cannot see them avoiding it afterwards. anyways, sorry for my ramblings! iām super excited for the next chapter if you couldnāt tell, and iām so ready for their orphanage arc
Haha, you are right, these characters did get way too intimate too fast, to the point where I have no choice but to give them what they want. I didn't plan on this at all, they were supposed to kiss around next Christmas for the first time, but here we are instead! They are already unable to keep their hands off each other, and it's just summer.
To avoid spoiling things... I changed the warnings of ATLWETD about a month ago to "Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings" all because of this mess. So something is definitely coming :D
I'm not sure if anyone has asked this question before. But I'm really curious, without spoilers, have you ever imagined how Tom would react if he finally found out that Harry had been lying? Hahaha, I really find it very interesting
Oh, that is something I always imagined in detail! Tom's reaction is crucial to the plot, so I knew how he was going to react even before I wrote anything :D Without spoilers, all I can say is... it will be bad. Very, very, very bad - and Tom will regret it.