Jamie Lo

how has it been? how are you? what are you up to nowadays? are you still as busy as i remember you? it was crazy back then i remember you use to have like 35 extracurriculars out of the 7 day week but you did it all because you were just so intelligent and determined to succeed. tonight i was looking back at old pictures and it made me really fucking sad because we had so many good memories that we just let slip away in an abyss because of highschool💔 it’s been so long i don’t even remember how long we’ve been friends, or your birthday or any of the things we would’ve been able to memorize 2 years ago .... i can’t help but blame myself for the distance and the lack of communication ... i’m sorry for letting our different environments completely drive a wedge between us to the point where if i ever saw you in public I’d avoid you rather than catch up. it’s funny because we’ve been friends for a while and they said childhood friends usually last a lifetime but there’s never been more silence. it’s been 2 years since grade eight graduation and i knew that day forward going to different schools would seperate us but i never gave it much thought and let it keep pushing us further and further away until you stopped being a thought for weeks at a time .... but less about me, what have you accomplished in the last while? where have you travelled? foods you ate? clothes you bought? do your new friends make up for all the silence and distance from your old friends? i saw you went to niagara during december, how was that? do you see a future with them? i remember we made a vow to be each other’s maid of honours but i don’t know if we will ever get that chance again.. wherever you are, just know, im forever changed by your existence and who you are or were as a person❤️ i wish you all the best AL, and i hope that one day we will meet again and start fresh ... sincerely, jamie

I think the worst part of this whole thing is that it’s been over 7 months since we first started talking and you still control my life more than you know. I know the shit you’ve done behind my back even though we were never exclusive and that shit hurt like a bitch lol because I would’ve never done the same to you. I rather swallow my pride than ever confront you because every time I try to talk about my feelings, the fingers suddenly stop typing and I can never bring myself to press send. I don’t understand why I love you so much. Maybe it’s the timing of when we first met and things in my life weren’t so well, I had grown an emotional attachment to someone that was there during a dark time. I truthfully think I could wait for you forever; for you to be sure of your feelings; but I think I owe it to myself to look for better. There’s been so many times you’ve done things that gave me a reason to leave right away, but I always find myself trying to justify your actions. It feels like I’m suffocating under everything sometimes because it feels like you really do love me, but the inconsistency is what throws me off. I see parts of you everywhere and it just makes it so much harder. The store we hugged in front of in May? The booth seats towards the back of the food court we sat for hours talking and laughing? It’s always haunting me and sometimes I find myself praying that one day I do eventually forget you. I can’t live the rest of my life like this — I rather go on without ever knowing you.