Remus John Lupin

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you to read the fine print?” James couldn’t help but grin, forgetting all about the world outside. That was the best part about being around Remus. He could get everything he needed to say out and then some. Jokes weren’t frowned upon but common. He only wished he could keep Moony around more often, for the moments where the silence became overwhelming. “But I’m the cutest stalker mum you’ll ever have, so I would count yourself lucky.”

Putting his hands up in the air, James leaned into his chair. “You say it louder and you’re the one who the kid’ll remember. Do you want to do that to the poor child Moony? What if he starts swearing young? You might ruin his innocence.” The teasing never stopped between the two of them and, for now, James was eternally grateful.

Although James would never admit to it, Remus was right. They were probably making fools out of themselves, but luckily enough James didn’t care. “They did teach me, but that doesn’t mean I listened.” He finally was able to swallow some of the cookie and he took a deep breath, grinning at Remus’ challenge. “Oh you’re completely on. Well do a race, yea? The backyard hasn’t gotten much use lately.” As if he remembered his fractured wrist, James subconsciously rubbed at it, smiling still even as he did so.

Remus hummed faintly, scrunching his nose and making a face as if he were trying to think hard about that. “Nah, that must have been during one of the lessons I missed and didn’t get any notes for,” He stated playfully, face sliding back into a soft grin. Remus couldn’t help but think again that he would be completely lost without the marauders, and how lucky he was to have them, to be sitting there joking with James, despite what else was going on in the world. He was lucky indeed. “I wouldn’t go that far,” He teased James then, “You’re not the cutest out of the group, Prongs, sorry.”

“You sure about that?” A smirk slid onto Remus’ face as he watched James, chuckling a bit. “I yell, he’ll look over, and he won’t be fast enough to see which of us yelled it,” He pointed out, “He’ll just have to make a guess, and it might be you.” He paused, then laughed and continued, “Besides, I’ve been swearing since you’ve met me, you think I ever worried about it?”

“Ah, that’s the problem,” Remus hummed out, nodding his head in understanding, “You heard it, but chose not to listen. Doesn’t surprise me.” He grinned good-naturally though, teasing James because he thought it was funny. “I suppose that’s what we must do,” he laughed out softly then, “So yes.” He gave James a look when the other boy rubbed at his wrist though, knowing that still he would make sure to keep an eye on James, even while they had their fun. Remus would worry and keep him safe, even while they were laughing.

“Oh blimey is this like a friend pact you all have?” Hestia teased. “Can’t mess up Potter’s hair. If anyone dare tries to mess with his perfect locks one of you has to jump into action?” The boys were a unit, sure, but Hestia couldn’t help but find it funny how well they seemed to know each other. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever known anyone in the same way before. “Well, as long as you promise.” Hestia winked.

The thought of surprising Potter into having to leave a party was almost enough to make her forget their other more serious topic of conversation. Then again, she found it easy enough to remember just what was going on. They were both safe here, in the Cauldron, with pies coming soon around the bend. “I bet Skeeter would buy it,” Hestia grinned, as pumpkin juice was served. She thanked the waitress and quickly took a sip.

At Remus’ words, Hestia couldn’t help but feel her cheeks turn just slightly red. She smiled softly at him, bringing her drink to her lips once more. “You sure know how to make someone feel good about themselves Lupin,” she teased, tilting her head. “I think you’ve gone and made me blush, even.” She pointed at her own cheeks, laughing lightly to herself. “The same goes to you. I’m grateful we became friends. Even if it means Potter is part of the deal.” Hestia rolled her eyes playfully.

“Oh yes,” Remus tried to put as much of a serious look on his face as possible, “We all have certain items in the pact that we have to make sure of. For James, it’s making sure that no one messes with his perfect hair. Mine is that they can’t let me eat over five chocolate bars in one sitting, so I don’t puke, but I have no self-control to do it myself.” He nodded his head, trying to keep the serious expression, but then snorted and started to crack up instead. “I promise,” He chuckled out, shaking his head lightly.

Remus, more than anything, enjoyed getting to laugh and have fun, and he was so grateful for his friends and being able to do that. Still, there was that ever looming sense of fear and worry, the anxiety that was constantly weighing his shoulders down, and the feeling like any moment he could be found out. However, over the years, he’d gotten much better at shoving all of those emotions down and focusing only on what good he could at the moment. Snorting again, he laughed and nodded. “I bet she would buy it up in a second,” He agreed, “James would kill me if she wrote a story about that.”

When he saw her cheeks turn slightly red, Remus didn’t comment, not wanting to embarrass her. However, when Hestia teased and brought it up herself, he grinned and playfully raised an eyebrow. “I see that,” he teased then in return, “Who would have thought I could manage that. I suppose it’s a good thing I can make people feel good, yeah?” He chuckled, grinning though and laughing at her words. “Even if I drag James along, yes,” He agreed, “I’m lucky to have you.”

Nimona smirked. “True, but what you guys do is pretty harmless. It’s not like the actual harm that some of the other guys do.” She said with a shake of her head. The boys’ fun was rooted in just that, fun. Slytherins tended to have more malicious motives to their fun, ones that often got people hurt. “I agree. You guys might get caught on a minor offense, but I couldn’t imagine you facing any substantial charge.” Nimona would be shocked if one of the four boys did something considered truly violent.

“I know. I just wish things could be different for them. It can’t be easy dealing with that.” She said a little sadly. Nimona thought a lot of people could be happier than they were but the number of burdens they carried prevented them from ever making any head way.  Fingers reached for another biscuit, selecting one before moving again to dip it in her tea so that it would be ready to go when the other began to tell his story. Golden flecked hues went up as the other, too, agreed that it would happen in the long run. She smiled, happy to know that she wasn’t the only one with hope out there. Maybe hope and persistence would win out this time. Nimona took a bite of her biscuit, silently sending up a good thought that that would be the case.

Nimona smiled wider with fondness as the other ducked his head. It wasn’t hard to detect that Remus was unaccustomed to receiving such high praise. Eventually, the redhead settled down enough that the other could get a word in edgewise. The whole story, Nimona was fighting to contain all of the laughter that was bubbling up inside her chest. She nodded, licking over her lower lip as he said it had happened more than once. It made sense; with all of the pranks that  they’d pulled over the years, a few of them must have gone awry. “Well, it seems like a pretty safe prank to end up on the wrong end of. At least it wasn’t one of your more complicated ones.” She shrugged. “I don’t chew on quills, but I’ve got my own little tics when I’m concentrating. So, I totally get it.”

“Very true,” Remus chuckled out, though he could recall some pranks that weren’t quiet as harmless. Still, compared to most of the Slytherins, he would agree more than anything that they were harmless and tried their best to just be silly, not hateful. “I can’t help but thinking we’d get caught on some minor offense, then charm our way out of it,” He laughed out at the thought, “We managed that through a lot of school, anyway.” They’d quickly become smooth talkers to get themselves out of trouble occasionally; that or the teachers had finally given up on punishing them for their pranks, Remus wasn’t entirely sure.

“I agree,” He stated softly, “I wish a lot of things could be different. However, we have what we have now, and I suppose the only thing we can do is work with it, yes? And rely on those of our friends who will always be there to pull us through the tough times.” He smiled, absently stirring his tea a little as he thought about it. All he wanted to do was help people, after all, to make them happy. There had to be hope in that, otherwise, what else was there?

Remus couldn’t help but laugh then, nodding his head. “Yes, a rather safe one to be on the wrong end of, compared to some of the other things we came up with. There were some complicated ones that did backfire on us, but nothing too awful that I can recall. We were pretty careful, or tried to be. I tried to be at least,” he amended, knowing the other boys were a bit more reckless than he was. “What are your tics?” He asked curiously, “If they’re not chewing on your writing utensils.” He chuckled.

    If there was one thing Alastor had to acknowledge in that moment, it was without a doubt how very open Remus was being. He hadn’t just dropped the news in the Auror’s lap and then suddenly clammed up. Remus was talking through intricate details, and, admittedly Alastor felt a little bad about it– like he was peeking into the young man’s life. Pulling back layers into private affairs that he didn’t necessarily have any business being let in on, but were offered in earnest nonetheless. 

Every now and then, as Remus explained, Alastor would wince. The idea of locking a kid up, werewolf or otherwise, was a hard pill for anyone with even some shred of empathy to comprehend. A seemingly necessary but still unsettling thing to imagine.  

“That’s hard to come by, isn’t it? Pricey, difficult to brew?” Wolfsbane, Alastor was pretty sure, was a very temperamental thing. Missing a single dose in the week leading up to a full moon would render it ineffective. Awkwardly, the dusty blonde cleared his throat. “That explains the job thing then.” Not the potion in question, just the fact that Remus would be missing days and had to assure his behavior wasn’t deemed suspicious in order to evade detection. 

They lived in a society that hardly accepted half-bloods or muggleborns, some wizarding schools besides Hogwarts not even permitting them, if people turned up their nose to something like that; surely they were happy to do so when it came to more easily ‘villainized’ individuals like a werewolf. Alastor shook his head, thinking on it. Hell, if it wasn’t Remus, the Auror probably would be more harsh in his opinion as well– but he was such a mild mannered young man it was hard to imagine Remus as some crazed animal looking for blood. 

To Remus, it only made sense to be as completely open and honest as he could be with Alastor about his secret; other than of course, the fact that his friends were animagi and had been the ones to keep him sane during their school years, because that was just going to bring trouble. Still, letting Alastor know what he could tell him, he thought maybe it was going to help ease things, calm the other from freaking out, and make it so he could understand a little better. After all, if Remus was trusting him with the secret, he should have all the facts.

When Alastor mentioned that wolfsbane was pricey and difficult to brew, Remus couldn’t help the wince before he nodded his head. “Yeah,” He breathed out with a sigh, “Pricey, difficult to get a hold of, and potions have honestly never been my strong suit, unfortunately. I had gotten some, but... it’s not enough.” He’d been rationing since the last time he got some, skipping months and then taking it again, and it only seemed to make it harder. He wasn’t going to tell the older man that though, not when he didn’t need to.

“Also yes, that is why it’s hard for me to keep, or get, a job. I’ve been looking, but... It’s not easy. Which is why I can’t afford the potion. But, I do have a place I go that is secure and away from everyone when the full moon happens. That’s why I missed the festival, because I was there. I do my best to make sure that I won’t ever hurt anyone. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, if I...” He shook his head, taking a shuddering breath at the thought.

She pursed her lips as she thought to herself for a moment. “It’s just heartbreaking you know?” Her voice slightly hushed. “Who would have thought that this is what was waiting for us when we left Hogwarts.” She looked back at him for a moment. “Sometimes I can’t help but wonder how different our lives might have been if none of this was happening around us.. I’m just glad we are all together in this either way. As corny as it sounds the past few months the idea of coming home to you all is really what keep me going on the harder days. And trust me, there were plenty of days like that”

Marlene placed her hand on top of his instantly, she gave him a soft smile. “Well, fingers crossed this face isn’t going anywhere anytime too soon” she rolled her eyes at the mention of James. “Five? Only five?! Sounds like Potter has gotten weak since I’ve been away. That’s going to have to change.” she teased. “As long as they’re staying out of trouble, but then again I swear trouble has a way of following you guys.”

There was never a week that went by at Hogwarts when she was either in detention with one of the boys, or trying to help them escape. “How about you Remus, how are you doing?”

His face softened as she spoke, giving her a gentle look and nodding his head slightly. “I know,” Remus said with a soft sigh, “It’s not what I ever imagined us leaving school to find, or for us all to end up doing. But... you’re right. I’m glad we’re all together, and that’s what is the most important thing. We have each others backs, and nothing is going to change that.” He gave her a soft smile, adding, “The idea of coming home is always a good one, especially when you were so missed. We should do something, make your return happy, yes?”

When she placed her hand over his, Remus gave her another gentle smile, then couldn’t help it as he stepped forward and tugged her into a hug. “I’ll keep my fingers crossed, and do my best to keep you around, hm?” He hummed softly. When she rolled her eyes and spoke about James, he couldn’t help the small laugh that left him. “In James’ defense, they were rather large cookies, and I was the one who told him he should try it in the first place,” He chuckled out, “But, as far as I’m aware, we’ve been staying out of trouble. I’ve been trying, at least. That counts for something, yes?”

He offered her another soft smile, since really, he had been at least making some sort of attempt to not cause as much trouble. Not that there was too much of an opportunity for it anyway. “I’m here,” He hummed out then, “Doing what I do best.”

“I just want to try and feel comfortable in my own skin for once.”

   After another long pause on his end, Alastor would nod– speaking so low in the moment his usually stern voice was hardly audible. “That’s likely for the best.” Here, they could speak more freely of their doubts; there was easily at least one person in the Ministry Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures that he wouldn’t trust with even an inkling of a reason to point a finger at Remus. Fucking Macnair, he inwardly swore. 

Dumbledore knew, of course he knew, that man somehow knew everything. Alastor was occasionally stuck standing there blinking at the sheer amount of information about other people’s lives that Dumbledore had at his disposal. The young Auror didn’t always agree with the wizard, a man who he deemed too rest assured in letting a bunch of kids fight a war without truly knowing what they may be in for. Dumbledore had told him once, that was his role, that surely no one in the Order could take it lightly with Alastor around. 

There was no hatred to be found in the dusty blonde’s features, mostly just a far away look of still trying to connect all the dots. Accepting the weight of the secret Remus had just dropped at his feet. 

Clearly, a lot had gone into keeping the secret over the years. There hadn’t been any incidents at Hogwarts as far as he knew, mysterious deaths that might otherwise be allocated suspiciously towards Remus. Hearing Severus listed among the names was a bit jarring, but Alastor chose not to press that topic. Snape had always seemed of the mind to stick his nose where it otherwise didn’t belong. “Do you remember?” He asked, again not necessarily a very sensitive sort of question to be asking the poor young man. “When you transform, do you remember?” 

Alastor wasn’t asking to be malicious, or to make Remus linger on what was likely a very painful aspect of his life; but he couldn’t quite shake the idea that if Remus didn’t remember– there was a chance he’d hurt someone without knowing he had. 

Remus had been nervous about how Alastor would feel about him not being registered, but hearing the words, however faint, made him feel a little better. Finally, finally, the younger boy lifted his head enough to look up at the older man, his heart pounding in his chest. He’d almost convinced himself that Alastor was just saying that and he was going to look up to see disgust or hatred... but he was met with just the far away look on the older man’s face and that took a rather huge weight off of Remus’ shoulders, making him feel like maybe this hadn’t been the worst idea he’d ever had then.

“Yes,” He spoke softly, at hearing the question, “I do.” He took a deep breath, straightening his shoulders a bit as he looked at him, deciding to explain it so that it would make more sense to Alastor. “When I was younger, not as much... as a child, my father would lock me in my room with wards up to keep me in. Of course, stronger spells were needed as I grew up. And.. every time the neighbors got too suspicious, we would move... another town, another place. It’s why I never had any friends. Until Dumbledore...”

Thinking about the professor, he could only think about how much he owed him his life, because it was only because of him that he even had one. “I never considered Hogwarts,” He admitted softly, “Never thought that I’d be able to go. No one wants a monster going to school along side their children. But.. shortly before my eleventh birthday, Dumbledore paid us a visit. My parents tried to keep him out, but...” he couldn’t help the faint chuckle as he remembered it, “They found him playing gobstones with me. He asked me if I wanted to go to Hogwarts. I told him I was a monster, and that I couldn’t.”

He took a deep breath, “But Dumbledore... he said he didn’t see a monster. Just a young boy that deserved to go to school. I wouldn’t have gone, no matter how desperately I wanted to go, if he hadn’t had a way to keep the other students safe. But, the Whomping Willow and the Shrieking Shack were brought to Hogwarts for me. Madame Pomfrey would smuggle me out before the full moon, and there were wards and the tree guarding the tunnel so that no one else would be hurt. I couldn’t leave the Shrieking Shack while I was transformed, so I was isolated and away from everyone.”

Well, that wasn’t completely true, but Remus wasn’t about to out his fellow Marauders as unregistered Animagi, because that was their secret to tell, not his. Not to mention, he was sure Alastor, let alone Dumbledore, wouldn’t be happy to hear what the Marauders had gotten up to. So, best to keep that a secret forever more.

“I remember everything when I turn,” He continued then, “I’m not in control of myself, but I can remember what the wolf has done. However, there is the wolfsbane potion. If I take that, then I am in control. I retain control of my mind, and I can just curl up and sleep through the full moon. So... yes to remembering always, and yes to being in control, when I have the potion.” He hoped that that answered the other’s question a bit better, and hoped that, hearing that Dumbledore had made provisions for the rest of the school to be safe, it might ease Alastor’s mind slightly.

Nimona grinned, obviously flattered by the other’s compliment. Funnily enough, smart wasn’t always the first adjective people used to describe her. The girl was by no means unintelligent, but a lot of her personal skills seemed to take the forefront over her academic inclinations. She’d always done a little above average in school, and that’d been good enough for her. So, to her Remus say he thought such a thing was a bit more of a compliment to her than if he would have mentioned something else. “Like you or i would’ve ended up in jail. If I was taking bets, I would’ve guessed one of the Slytherins would have beaten us there.” She chuckled, knowing that the pair of them weren’t the actual harm causing souls. No, they found themselves more aligned with pranks and good-hearted fun. 

“Kind of sad when you really think about it.” She wondered if there would be less conflict if everyone could see the good in themselves and others. It seemed like a solution. After all, if they were all too busy chasing the good, wouldn’t there be less time for the bad? Or, would it only make people more self-centered? Nimona shook her head, clearly aware that she was about to let her mind take off on an unnecessary tangent. “That’s what I believe. Otherwise, the continued trying to get it to stick would just be foolish.” Nimona could see that she got through to Alastor sometimes. It was never a lot or all at once, but she could see glimmers of all of her urging beginning to make their way into his life. That was enough to keep her going on her journey to get him to see himself as worthy of all the things she thought him to be.

Nimona grinned, leaning even more forward as she clapped her hands wildly together. She let the applause go on for a few more moments before she settled down. Sure, she was being a little over gracious with her praise before he even got to telling the story, but the tales from Hogwarts really did make her feel better in a way. It had been so easy and carefree back then, and now, she realized how much she’d taken all that for granted. Now, she was trying to at least get some of that nostalgia out of the way. When he started talking, Nimona kept her chin propped up on her hands, listening intently to every word that came from his lips. Laughter bubbled, threatening to escape her as he mentioned it back firing on him. She let it out only when he’d finished. “I-I’m sorry, but it’s kind of comedic gold that your own prank wound up pranking you. It’s almost like the whole thing went full circle.” Nimona hummed, biting into the flesh of her lower lip to stop the laughter after a few more moments.

Remus couldn’t help the laugh he let out at Nimona’s words. “With friends like James, Sirius, and even Peter, there’s really no full guarantee that I wouldn’t end up in jail,” He pointed out, “Though I don’t think I could ever see you going to jail for anything, no matter what.” He smiled, then added, “I do think one of the Slytherins might have been the ones to end up there, namely a few. They’d be in there for actual bad things, where I think the rest of the Marauders and I may have just been caught for trespassing or something silly instead of serious. However, that’s a big if still.”

“It is,” He agreed softly, “But it isn’t unheard of. Sometimes people just can’t see the good in themselves, because they’re so focused on trying to fix their own faults. It’s a tricky slope, really.” He wanted to kick himself; why was he able to give advice and say things, but never take his own words to heart? Maybe it was the fact that it wasn’t a fault, and he was just a monster, he thought to himself. “It’s not foolish,” He agreed then, “It’ll happen one day. Though, it may take awhile. Just have to be willing to stick it out.”

Remus flushed and ducked his head slightly as she began to clap her hands. He was laughing though, shaking his head even though he rather enjoyed it. He smiled as he finished telling the story, especially at hearing her laughter; it was all well worth it, just to hear that, he thought, to make people laugh. “Isn’t it?” he chuckled out then, “It’s happened more than just that one time, of course. We did get a lot smarter about things, but ah, well, things also just happen sometimes. Though, I still haven’t stopped chewing on quills, even though you’d hope that would have taught me a lesson about it.”

    Alastor’s brows furrowed into a deep crease, his innate attention to detail forcing him to pay attention to Remus’ choice of words here or there. Like, ‘who or what’ had his back. Along with a string of severe self-deprecation that Moody hadn’t realized the young man capable of allowing to roll of his tongue. 

If he wasn’t so stubbornly in the practise of not making promises he couldn’t keep, the Auror might have opened his own mouth sooner. Tried to assure Remus that Alastor wouldn’t hate him, that he wouldn’t ever try to push the young man out of the Order. Try to assure that he couldn’t possibly imagine a reason he wouldn’t be willing to stand by his side, or sit by him in meetings. It felt so very out of the realm of possibility, yet, he could not guarantee it so Alastor remained silent. Listening intently as Remus tiptoed into the otherwise sensitive topic. 

At some point during the rather vivid story, Alastor had already began to garnish a strong sense of knowing where it was going. Piece by piece, things began to fall into place. Surely, Remus wouldn’t have been sharing the details regarding Grayback if they had not so directly impacted his own life. 

For most of the tale, all Alastor could do was stew with irritability at the irresponsible behavior on the Ministry’s behalf. Overlooking such a clear suspect, turning their cheek on Remus’ father due to an emotional outburst – when they should have been listening. Paying attention. 

He would’ve noticed, Alastor assured himself as if it mattered. 

The Auror’s mouth went dry, the what making sense when it was used this time around. A werewolf. Pale blue hues blinked across at his company, partly having expected this exact truth to be revealed halfway through the tale being spun for him. Still, shock kept him planted in his seat staring at Remus with an indescribable expression. Speechless. 

He’d kick himself for the thought later on but suddenly Book Club wasn’t sounding like such a good idea for Nimona afterall. 

“Oh.” Alastor exhaled with all the grace of a herd of elephants. Words not seeming to be able to form, brows still furrowed in thought. He’d never been raised with the same biases a lot of purebloods held, but that didn’t mean part of him wouldn’t still equate them to danger. Alastor couldn’t exactly consider himself well-educated on the steps being taken by wizarding kind to minimize the aforementioned dangers. He soon would be, likely, as the best way to deal with this new piece of information was inevitably research. 

“Are you registered?” It was an odd question, words still feeling heavy on the tip of his tongue as he tried to process how he felt through the scope of his limited knowledge. 

Remus couldn’t bring himself to look up as he finished the story. His gaze stayed firmly fixed on the floor, blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall. He needed to look up, he told himself, to see Alastor’s reaction, to see how the older man was taking this... but as with the Marauders and Lily, he kept his head down, unable to face the other and what his reaction might be. He wasn’t sure his heart could take it, especially not if it was the disgust and anger he was always expecting the reaction to be. How could it be anything but?

He was quiet as he heard Alastor exhale, hunching his shoulders even more, as if to curl completely into himself to hide. Still, he didn’t look up, quiet and letting the information that he’d given the other man sink in, giving him time to process it, and what it meant exactly. He was on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to see if Alastor would leave, or do as Remus had said, and tell him he didn’t want him around anymore. Remus wouldn’t have blamed him, truthfully.

There was a slight flinch that crossed his features when Alastor finally spoke and asked the question, Remus closing his eyes for a moment and taking a shaky breath. “I...” He scrubbed at his face a bit, staying curled up and trying to think of how to word it. “Other than my parents, the numerous healers that my father took me to to try and fix me... The only people that know are Dumbledore, the teachers at Hogwarts, James, Sirius, Peter, Lily... and Severus. And, now you,” He spoke faintly, “All of whom have agreed to never speak of it with anyone else, and have kept the secret for me.”

That probably answered the question for Alastor, instead of his outright saying that he wasn’t. After all, had he been registered, he never would have been able to go to Hogwarts. Dumbledore helped him to get there, but only by hiding it from every other student and their parents, since obviously no one would have sent their children there if they knew there was a werewolf. That, and now that he was helping the order, the fact that people outside his circle didn’t know was a help, so he could do the missions Dumbledore asked of him.

“I’m not... I make sure not to put others in danger,” He spoke faintly then, “I never have. Not when I was a child, not at school, and not now. I.... I can answer whatever questions you have, about anything. I’m sure there are a lot of them. I have a place I go that’s warded during full moons. I’m not a danger at any other time. I lock myself up when a full moon happens. When I can, I take the potion.” He was trying to reassure the other, feeling almost as if, if he didn’t, the other would hate him.

   Few words in the known universe seemed to elicit as easy a grin as ‘you’re right’, but this time around Alastor remained neutral. A little guarded. Partly unsure if he was going to be able to react to this information Remus wished to share with the dignity the young man otherwise deserved. Alastor was not necessarily a graceful soul. He meant well, usually, but his mannerisms were often lacking. Too many blunt edges. 

“Careful with that.” Alastor hummed, pale blue eyes settled cautiously upon Remus. “Looking up to me, it’s best not ta’ be putting anyone on a pedestal.” Especially, he thought, not him. The young man before him was clever, well-read, and more likeable than Alastor would deem himself to be. “Wouldn’t want you mistaking my faults as strengths.” Moody got things done, he was effective and talented, had a clear head in otherwise stressful situations; but at the end of the day, he never knew how to turn it off and set aside his armor. Too much a fighter, too little a man. 

“Kid,” the word rolled off his tongue with an odd sense of affection. “If you’re doing this to prove something, ta’ prove you are reliable – it’s not necessary. Everybody that is signed up to put their life on the line around here is worth my respect.” Alright, he was a little skeptical of that Fletcher fella, but otherwise he gave credit where it was due. It took a lot out of a person to even want to be a part of the Order. “If it’ll make you feel better to speak your truth, do. Just don’t feel like you owe it to anybody, you hear? A lot of people have parts of themselves they aren’t laying out for everyone to see. Myself included.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Remus stated softly in return, “Though, I think maybe some of the rest of us can see you have more strengths than you believe you do.” He thought back to his conversation with Nimona, then took a shaky breath at Alastor’s words. “No,” he stated then, “Not to prove anything. I just think that... you should know who and what has your back, if we’re all going to be able to work together. Simple as that, really... Just... it feels important to share, to be a better team, I guess.” It made sense to him, at least; in battle they’d have to be able to work together if it came to that, and he wanted the other to know how much he trusted him, and how there would be no hesitation to help him.

He paused, then continued, “And... if at any point in this you decide you hate me... or that you don’t want to work with me anymore, or you don’t want me at meetings, or anything like that.. just tell me. I’ll speak to Dumbledore. I’m sure I can help without being actually at the meetings, and I’ll stay out of your way and out of sight, so that you won’t have to deal with me anymore. Just... let me know and I’ll do whatever it takes to make you comfortable.” He nodded slightly at that, already determined to do whatever it took. He was so nervous, so scared. With the Marauders, it’d been easy; after all, they’d come to him first. Lily was the only other person he’d chosen to tell like this, and the fear was huge.

Then, it was time for the story. Remus closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and clearing his throat. “When I was four,” He began then, “My father worked at the Ministry. Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. There was a group that the Aurors brought in; a group of werewolves, after the deaths of two children. Among those was a man by the name of Fenrir Grayback.” The mans name still sent a chill up his spine, and made him feel like he was being dunked into cold water. “However, due to the registry not being well-kept, it wasn’t known at the time what he was... instead, he managed to convince most of the committee that he was nothing but a muggle beggar who’d been swept up in the raid. Everyone, except my father.”

Remus dug at his nails slightly, ducking his head as he kept going. He could only remember when his father sat him down once he was old enough, telling him what he’d said and how it’d incurred the werewolf’s wrath on his son. “My father pointed out the signs of lycanthropy that the man showed, saying he should be held twenty-four hours until the next full moon, but... the committee... they laughed at him instead, chiding him about his being wrong. My father... My father lost his temper. He...” He swallowed thickly, hands shaking as he recounted the words, “Said that werewolves were ‘soulless, evil, deserved nothing but death’. He was removed from the room, while Fenrir was supposed to have his memory wiped, and then he was freed... Only the memory wipe didn’t work.”

As the memory of what had happened came back, Remus hunched his shoulders. He was trying to make himself look smaller, less of a threat, less dangerous... that maybe, that little boy, that child he’d been who’d been taken away, might somehow return. “Shortly before my fifth birthday, my mother had just put me to bed and was returning to the kitchen. I was asleep, when my window was forced open, and I...” His hands shook as he thought about it, shaking his head and feeling tears welling; why was it he still felt the need to cry as he remembered it? He wished it’d stop. “My father was able to rush in and stop Fenrir before he managed to murder me completely... but he wasn’t able to stop the rest of the damage, or what I’d... what I’d become.”

    As an Auror, all Alastor could dream of Remus telling him in this moment was that he had possibly unintentionally committed some kind of crime. In the grand scheme of things, he hated secrets. They just kept piling up, one after another, with the Order and even work related details he wasn’t allowed to share outside The Ministry. Nimona couldn’t even come to his home, at least not the hole-in-the-wall he lived in now as an Order hideout. Keeping things from her, from his mother; it was for the better but that didn’t make it easy to do.

“What’s one more on the pile?” Alastor asked, a little bitter in tone but not due to Remus asking it of him. He’d couldn’t hold that against the young man, not really, it was just the circumstances that kept demanding so much secrecy. Safety was more important than honesty, in most cases.

Pale blue eyes squinted pensively across at Remus, taking the moment in stride. “You don’t know me very well,” a too obvious statement. “So, I gotta’ respect that you’re even willing to tell me whatever it is this might be. The least I can do is assure to keep it to myself.” His company seemed timid, leaving Alastor admittedly a little nervous. How bad was it? He wasn’t exactly planning on being Let’s Bury A Body type acquaintances with Remus, but it certainly seemed like whatever it may be was trouble. Alastor inhaled, squaring his shoulders. “Bloody hell,” he finally swore. Waving an exasperated hand as he came to terms with how willing he was to do just about anything for the likes of most of those within the Order, “I promise.”

Remus couldn’t help the slight flinch and the way he ducked his head to look at the floor when he heard the slight bitter tone in Alastor’s voice. He was hopeful it wasn’t because it was him, but more so because of the whole secret thing. Remus got it; secrets were heavy and awkward, and weighed on you, no matter what. But, he supposed that unlike others, he’d had one since he was four, and had gotten very, very good at keeping it; other than the few friends and teachers, after all. Still, it wasn’t like it ever got any easier.

Looking back up at Alastor, Remus was quiet for a moment as the other spoke. When the other promise, he nodded his head slightly and took a deep breath. “You’re right,” He stated then, “I don’t know you very well. However, I do respect you, and I... I look up to you.” It almost felt a little silly to admit it, but he also thought that, maybe in admitting it to the other, it would help to make sense of why exactly he was telling the older man this. Or, if anything, soften the blow he would receive just slightly, if Alastor hated him after this.

“I think though... that I...” He paused for a moment, brows furrowed as he tried to figure out to explain this. “I want you to trust me,” He finally decided on, “I want you to know who has your back, and I want to be worthy of being a member of the order, and knowing that we’re keeping each other safe. And... I guess I just thought that, how are you supposed to trust me, if I’m keeping something from most of the group? How can you trust someone to have your back, if you don’t know this thing about them?” He was wringing his hands slightly, just trying to build back up that courage that he’d had to start with. Remus was hoping that what he was saying would make sense to Alastor, before he continued with the story he needed to tell him.

“it’s definitely a made up name, surely.. right?” she thought out loud. She pursed her lips as she actually had to think about it. “You know, you’ve given me a bit to think about that’s for sure, Remus” she wasn’t overly expecting on seeing anyone let alone one of the boys she spent her days at Hogwarts with. 

“Imagine how dull it would be to not know the majestic glory that is Queen” she said, smiling softly. This would have been the first conversation she had that was more than two sentences long in the past few months. She let out a deep breath, before her eyes met Remus’ “I’m just glad to be home.. for now” she responded. “It’s not getting any better out there. I’ve been north of Scotland for the past few months helping families relocate and also trying to locate some that have gone missing. How do people just go missing Remus? Like physically it’s not possible but they’re defied that. They’re just gone, as if they never existed” she told him, every night for the past month it was the thought that haunted her. The Ministry was denying any and all sorts of dark magic around the disappearances and mysterious deaths but Marlene knew better than that, she knew something more was happening but what exactly it is left her clueless. “It’s really good to see your face again, how is everyone? James? Sirius? Peter? I hope you lot have at least had some time to cause a little bit of trouble from time to time” 

“I mean, you’d assume so, right?” Remus chuckled out as he thought about it, “If only to keep people from finding out more about you or anything? Who knows though. It is an interesting thought.” He grinned softly at her, knowing that he’d be wondering about it himself as well.

Chuckling softly as she said that, he nodded his head. “It must be incredibly dull for those who haven’t heard it. I don’t think I’d want to be one of those people, do you?” He offered her a gentle smile, setting the magazine he’d been glancing at down, to focus his full attention on her. He felt an ache in his chest as she began to speak, and he fought the urge to reach out and squeeze her arm, not wanting it to be an unwelcome gesture to her. “I’m glad to see you’re home and in good health,” He spoke gently then, “I’m sorry. I...” he sighed and shook his head then. “I don’t know,” He stated honestly, “I never thought that it could happen like that. It doesn’t seem logical.”

He reached out then, unable to help it, as he put his hand softly on her arm. “It’s good to see you again too,” He agreed, “Your face is always needed around here, you know. James is doing alright, I think. Got him to fit five cookies in his mouth last time I hung out with him, before we went flying.” He smiled softly at that, hoping it’d make things a little brighter, then added, “As for Sirius and Peter, I haven’t seen them lately. I need to see how they’ve been. I’ve been trying to be good though, oddly enough, yeah?”

   Confusion would blanket his rugged features, blinking beneath knitted brows. The tension slowly leaving his shoulders as Remus’ words allowed Alastor to at least stop holding his breath like he was about to be told they’d lost someone. “Oh.” The blonde exhaled, giving an understanding nod. A talk did not quite seem befitting of the nerves rippling off his lanky frame in waves, but Moody was pressing himself to merely give the young man space to explain. 

For all his faults in never quite knowing what to say, Alastor could at the very least listen. “Yeah, that’s alright mate.” Giving a slow nod the rest of his previous tension shifted from his shoulders. “I don’t need a drink unless you do.” Surely, there was a bottle of something around the otherwise relatively abandoned hideout. Remus looked like, maybe, he might actually need it. Alastor on the other hand, often preferred to remain sober in most people’s presence. Especially, if he was about to be told something important. Turning briefly on his feet, the blonde took a few strides to plant himself into a chair. Its wood well-worn, creaking as his sturdy frame settled into it. 

Remus was grateful that it seemed like the tension Alastor was holding had gone away slightly. He was going to need the other to be at least more relaxed if he were going to tell him this, after all. Maybe then it wouldn’t turn out so badly, maybe then it might work out, or at least he hoped. Still, he took a deep breath, trying to also relax a little himself. His pacing probably wasn’t helping matters at all. “No,” He shook his head then, “I don’t need one. Just figured I’d offer.” He smiled gently at the older man. He was sure there was a bottle around somewhere, but he was going to need to focus to do this, and alcohol wouldn’t help him any.

Once Alastor moved to sit down, Remus took a shaky breath. He made his way to sit in a chair as well, facing the other man but looking down at the floor for a moment, before he looked up at him. “Before I tell you,” He spoke slowly, calculatedly, “I need you do to something for me. I need you to swear to me, that... that no matter what you think, no matter how you feel or react to what I’m about to tell you... I need you to swear to me that you won’t tell another soul. I need you to keep this secret for me, and not speak of it. I know it’s a lot to ask, but...” He took a deep breath, trying to focus, “I just need you to do that for me, before I tell you.”

James opened his mouth to talk, but couldn’t help but let a laugh escape at Remus’ next words. “Oh, you didn’t know that I follow all of you to make sure you’re alright?” he teased. “I thought I’d made that very clear in the terms of friendship.” Of course, James would never follow his boys like that. He just wanted to make sure they were doing alright. They were okay.

Laughing as soon as Remus told him to fuck off, James looked down, at his hand, eyebrows knit in confusion. “What’s that?” he asked, before raising his hand and quickly flipping Remus the bird. “Oh, man. I’m sorry, I couldn’t… I couldn’t hear you, mate.”

He missed moments like these. Blimey he missed it. Even the small, tiny, little competition they had with the cookies (even if it was slightly rigged) made him feel normal. The world outside this coffee shop might be preparing for war, but he and Remus were sitting on the benches in the Great Hall, joking about what strange hat Flitwick would be wearing that day.

As James chewed through the remainders of the cookie, he couldn’t help but grin at Remus’ words. “You’re going to make me choke,” he said, although it still came out garbled through the crumbs. Finally, though, he managed to smile and he grabbed a napkin to wipe off his face. “I promise I won’t let you fall off your broom, even if you give me a comment like that one. Don’t be a sore loser, Moony.”

Grinning as James laughed, Remus raised an eyebrow. “Was that in the contract somewhere that I didn’t read? Merlin knows I just signed that paper without even reading it. I knew that there must have been something in the fine print somewhere,” He snorted out, “That’ll teach me to read the terms of friendship better, so I don’t get a stalker mom.” He grinned wider at James, teasingly of course. He was grateful for the other boy looking out for the rest of them.

He’d paused for a second as James looked down in almost confusion, about to speak up again, when he was being flipped off. “Oi!” He laughed out, “You bloody prat. You want me to yell it louder so that the kid’ll actually hear it, and you’ll be embarrassed?” He was kidding, of course; Remus wouldn’t actually do that. Now, at Hogwarts he might have, but not here.

“You’re the one being impolite, Prongs,” He pointed out then, “Honestly, didn’t your parents ever tell you not to talk while you have food in your mouth? Or did you not hear that either?” He grinned though, letting out a playful sigh and laying his head on the table on his arms. “Fine,” He whined out with a chuckle, “I won’t be a sore loser. I’ll get on the broom and just show that I’m better than you.”

Hestia thought about a world where the Marauders hadn’t existed at Hogwarts. A world where she’d walked down the hallways, through the Gryffindor common room, without laughter and pranks and joy. While they could be annoying (bloody hell, Potter was sometimes up the wall), she appreciated the joy they brought. The life. “I hope so, because if Potter drinks all the booze again I will break a bottle over his perfectly curled head of hair,” she teased, unable to stop herself when it came to James.

Tilting her head thoughtfully, Hestia couldn’t help but wonder what it must be like to be best friends with someone like that. “Well, if you let him know, make sure you take a photo so I can see what it looks like when his head explodes. I’m sure it’d be a spectacle.” Then again, as much as Hestia gave the boys shit she did care about them. Remus especially always held a special place in her heart. He was easy to talk to, unlike the other three, who could be monsters if you let them.

There was something they could agree on. Someone being disappointed in Hestia was like someone ripping off her arm. Hestia could handle just about anything, but letting someone down made her feel as though the whole world was giving away. Unfortunately for her, that was exactly what she did too often. “I understand,” Hestia smiled, albeit a sad one. “It’s like the world doesn’t make any sense when you make someone feel that way. I feel like I do it more than not, though.”

Remus couldn’t help the snort and laugh he let out at Hestia’s words. “Ah, I’d have to stop you before you did that though. You can’t touch his perfect hair,” He snickered and laughed again, though shook his head, adding, “Don’t break a bottle over his head. I promise I won’t let him drink all the booze. If he does, I’ll just uninvited him and see the look on his face then.”

Grinning at her words, he chuckled and nodded his head. “Will do,” He hummed, “I’ll keep a camera ready so that as soon as I tell him, it’ll keep his reaction. I’m sure everyone would be clamoring to see that reaction. Maybe I could sell it and make some money off of it. Headline, watch James Potter’s head explode!” It was an amusing though, though he was sure it wouldn’t be nearly anything as bad as that.

Remus gave her a soft smile in return, gently giving her arm a squeeze again. “Exactly,” He spoke softly, “And I think that’s quite a common reaction to have, unfortunately. Keep in mind though, you could never make me feel that way. You’re an amazing woman and a great friend, and for that, I’ll always be grateful for you.” He smiled more at her, hoping to ease her mind a little.

“muggle music or not—  that freddie mercury fella is definitely one of us. have you not heard his voice or seen the way he moves, talk about magical” she had just spent the better part of the last two months away investigating disappearances in northern scotland on behalf of the order but for those not apart of the exclusive private group she had the story in place that marlene and her brother had been away visiting family. 

she was yet to report back into the order or let anyone know she was back from her trip as of yet but in true marlene mckinnon fashion she had managed to get herself distracted by a muggle magazine she purchased before dropping by diagon alley for a quick drink and potion supply shopping.

Chuckling softly, Remus raised an eyebrow as he glanced over at the girl from where he’d been glancing at the magazines as well. “You think so?” He hummed out, “You reckon that he uses his real name then, or do you think it’s a made up name, to distract from the muggles finding out?” He’d been a little surprised to see Marlene back, but happy to see her all the same. He wasn’t completely sure if she’d been directing the comment to him or not, but he figured that responding obviously couldn’t hurt.

“I’d also be a little worried if anyone around hadn’t heard him yet; though, I suppose maybe some who don’t prefer muggle music, and maybe hadn’t heard it play anywhere yet,” Remus stated thoughtfully, before shrugging a shoulder. “Have you been alright?” He asked her then, glancing over her again with a concerned look.