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Summary: A very bad day find Rose and James drinking to forget, but also push them together.
Warnings: Mention of alcohol.
Words: 3k. || This is a repost. The original story was posted in January/February 2025, I'm editing it.
The English bulldog was sleeping in her bed, snoring, as Rose had said, and didn't even noticed when James returned from the rooftop to her flat again about two hours later after his ex girlfriend went to sleep.
There was a dim light illuminating the living room that clearly she left on to help him to see where he was walking. After going to the kitchen for a glass of water, he stopped for a moment to look at her sleeping in her sofa apparently in peace. He looked her. He had forgotten how peaceful Rose looked when she was sleeping and he couldn't help but smile. That was her usual position to sleep for her. Her arm always curled against her chest, one of her knees slightly off the bed, or the sofa in this case, and her curly hair scattered over the pillow. It was then when he realised that he missed her. Really missed her.
Her presence in bed always calmed him. Even after an exhausting day working, coming back to their apartment had a positive impact on him including the times they didn't have sex. It was the tranquility of knowing that Rose was there. That he could hug her and forget all his problems and it was something he didn't have now. She was there, but he couldn't have her. So close but so far...
He caressed her cheek with his knuckles before turning the light down and going to her bedroom. Over the bed he found some towels and an old t-shirt of his that clearly she brought with her to NYC and that was the reason he couldn't find it anywhere in London.
Grabbing the towels, he went to her bathroom to take a well deserved shower. He needed it after a very long trip since he left his apartment less than 24 hours ago, although it felt a century. The hot water over his body, it felt good. But he couldn't calm his mind. James promised himself that he was going to be strong, that he was going to be completely sincere about the pain she caused on him but reality hit him harder. Rose wasn't the woman he knew and his best friend was right when he said to him that was worried about her. If depression made him abandon his daily routine and spend every second of his free time sleeping or watching tv, then depression hit her as bad as it did with him.
The sunshine entering through the window woke him up the next morning. He rolled in bed groaning and covered his head with the pillow but a crying sound made him look open his eyes. It wasn't his ex, but her dog who was looking at him with her big eyes trying to communicate with him.
"Morning, CP," he said, still sleepy, petting her big head.
It wasn't her dog barking, her alarm or the sound of the streets what made Rose wake up that morning but the smell of coffee. She smelled it before she opened her eyes. It was him, of course.
"James?" she asked from her couch.
"Hey. I was going to wake you up, I prepared the breakfast so you can eat before going to work. I'm sorry I invaded your kitchen but I wanted to be useful since I'm living here for free," he said placing the mug on table as she walked to there.
"You don't have to, you know? You're my guest. But thanks, Jamie. And you don't need my permission to use the things here."
"Thanks! Last night I used your bathroom. I really needed it. I appreciate that, Rose."
"The shirt, James," she started to say but his half smile made her stop talking "...I'm sorry. I didn't want to take it from you."
"It's okay, it's just a t-shirt and you wore it more than me but it was good that you had it because I didn't have any change of clothes... until I get my things back, of course."
"If they're still there," she said eating one of the toasts he prepared. "If I were you, I will leave all the things here. Except few cash. Including identification, credit cards, etc."
"It's a really bad place, isn't it?" he asked and she nodded. "I'm going to leave my stuff here, don't worry."
"And then? Did you decide the places you want to visit?"
"No. I'm a still tired, if you don't mind, I'm going to stay here."
"If that's what you want, James, then you can rest as much as you can. CP sometimes jumps on the bed but, she just wants to be friends."
"Who do you think woke me up this morning?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry! She's adorable but sometimes it's a bit too clingy."
"Don't apologise. I think she's a sweetheart. Do you have to go to work today?"
ā ā ā
"Yes. It's a very important day. I've been working on this dress for months and it's almost ready today is the day. The payment is really good, but it's not that, you know? I'm happy. It's for an important woman living here. There's a private event but the press will be there and it's a good opportunity for me to be seen through my work. Even if I'm not there."
"That sounds good, Rose."
She thanked him for his words and also the breakfast, she couldn't remember when was the last time she had a breakfast like that one.
While James went to the hotel to pick up his baggage, paid for the day and then returned to Rose's apartment; she went to the studio to finally finishing the last details of the dress she was sewing. For the last eight weeks that was her main project and Rose was quite proud of it. Without knowing a lot of details about the future owner of the dress, she worked day and night on it and the times Rose saw the woman to adjust measurements and talk about the little details, she was kind towards her.
Focus on that particular dress, helped her to avoid negative feelings for a long time and she was going to miss that.
"It's done," Rose informed about three hours later. The dress was now completely finished and stored in a box ready to be sent and to be wore that same night.
"Congratulations, Ms. Coldwell," the owner of the company said picking up the box and putting it over her desk. "I'll send you the check this week," the woman said.
"I thought it was going to be immediately after finishing the dress. That was part of the contract."
"Was it?" the old woman said "well, Ms. Coldwell that changed a bit now. I had a complicated week, honey. I think it's fair if you wait a bit a longer for your payment. It will be done but now go on."
"What?!"
"You heard me, Coldwell. Can't you be a bit more considerate of myself?"
Rose pressed her lips together. She controlled herself about giving an opinion and left the office before her boss could say another thing. She tried to calm herself before returning home. That was the most annoying woman she ever met and quite pathetic.
Things started to get worse when at night, while she was sitting on the couch with her laptop over her legs and Rose was watching the arrival of the different people, some of them celebrities, to this particular event she saw the woman wearing a dress but not the one she made. She didn't see it until that moment.
- - - - -
"That dress is stunning," the reporter commented while Rose was still trying to understand what was happening.
"It was made by the owner of Attire magazine herself," she replied, smiling.
Made by...
Rose felt was her stomach turn and the unmistakable symptoms of a panic attack. She couldn't breathe and her heart was racing absolutely crazy.
"THAT BITCH!! SHE AND HER FUCKING SOUL. FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"
In the kitchen, James was about to finish the dishes when he heard her and seconds later she entered there looking for something in one of the cabinets.
"What happened?"
"It happens, Jamie, that life is a shit. That happens! So, considering it's a shit and I don't give a crap. I decided to celebrate because I don't care anymore, James." He saw her grabbing two bottles of what seemed to be tequila "These are my new best friends tonight, Jamie. And we're going to have fun. Oh yes! You're more than welcome to join us."
"Rose..."
"No, don't. Tonight is about having fun! WE'RE HAVING FUN, JAMES! Because if I don't laugh, if I don't lose my conscience then I'm going to cry and I'm tired of crying."
James doubted about leaving her alone to deal with whatever happened to her. She didn't tell him what caused that explosion in her, but assumed it had to be with work.
When he finally climbed the stairs and went to the rooftop he saw drinking directly from the bottle with her legs crossed and even when she said she didn't want to cry, that was exactly what she was doing.
"Roseā¦ what happened?"
"My life happened. It's a series of unfortunate events one after the other. And it's shitā¦ it's all shit," she replied letting another sip of tequila burnt her throat.
She offered him the other bottle and he accepted. His life wasn't the best either so, why not?
"For the bad decisions, Jamie," she said raising her bottle "for the fuck up decisions ruining our lives."
Between hiccups and tears, she finally said to him what happened and how her dress, the one she spent several months working on it, ended in nothing, because for everyone the dress never existed and probably she wasn't going to receive a dollar for her work either.
"I'm sorry," James said. "Rose, maybe if you talk to HR, maybe ifā¦"
"No, it's not going to work this is her company, there's no one above her. I swear it's not the worst she did. Once took credit for something that wasn't not. I should've knownā¦ I'm fucking stupid."
"There's no way you could've known, Rose. The opportunity was goodā¦ Still is."
"I'm not sure anymore."
The playlist sounding in his phone while they were drinking could have meant that they were partying but it was the opposite. But music was in fact, helping them to forget their problems, for the night at least. It was a pathetic and sad way to deal with it, but not like they care.
"Give me, I want to try," she demanded when saw him lightening another cigarette.
"No, shit, Rose. I'm not going to let you smoke, this shit is addictive and I'm not going to let you fall for it."
"And what are you going to do, eh? I'm a fucking adult, James, and my life is completely ruined now. Let me try this shit."
The man looked at her. She was barefoot apparently not feeling the cold ground and her messy hair falling over her shoulders, her puffy eyes gave her the appearance of someone who was about to collapse.
"This isn't going to fix the problems, but here you go," he said offering her the one he was smoking.
The fact that she started to cough after trying two or three times, to the point he had to pat her back, made James laugh.
"This isn't for me," she said trying to breathe again. "I can't. You should quit."
"Yeah, I know, I'm on it, believe me."
Maybe she didn't try to smoke again but that night the bottle of tequila was her best friend and James accompanied her.
"FUCK YOU!" she yelled later, at top of her lungs near the cornice "FUCK YOU, YOU BIG SHIT."
"We can kill her. Revenge is a good to kill someone," James added changing his opinion about the situation. He was holding her hand. Intoxicated as he was, he was still aware that his ex was walking near the precipice.
"That's what she deserves," Rose said, finally accepting James' invitation to return to the safest zone of the rooftop. "She deserves to die, but she deserves to die in the most pathetic way possible. I don't know how. Piece of shit."
It wasn't until much later, when the adrenaline dropped and the fresh air started to clean her mind, that she calmed down. Both were resting on the stairs watching the buildings around them. The empty bottles were somewhere in the rooftop as a reminder of their attempt to forget everything.
"I'm freezing. Why the fuck am I barefoot?"
"You threw your shoes somewhere," he chuckled "I don't know why but come here." James picked her, sitting her between his legs and embracing her. "You should go to sleep."
"I can't walk and you neither. Besides, let me enjoy this, Jamie because I don't know how much it'll last" she replied snuggling against him.
James opened his mouth to talk but she did it first.
"I miss Patrick. His little fluffy face"
"Do you?" he asked, smirking "He's fine. He's the same as ever."
"It's sad to know he doesn't miss me" she said raising her head from his chest, to look at him. "Probably forgot me."
"I talked to him about you. A lot. He couldn't forget you."
"Did you?" she asked and he nodded. "I miss everything, Jamie. Fuckā¦ how could I be so stupid to ruin the life we had? For nothing! Will you ever forgive me?"
"Rose, I don't think I'm in conditions to answer this tonight. But I'm happy to be here right now even if I feel like shit."
"I'm happy, too. I feel safe, you make me feel safe," she confessed closing her eyes "No one hugged me like this in a very long timeā¦ Actually, you know? it was you, you were the last who hugged me like this, Jamie. You were my last everything. My last kiss, my last warm hug and the last time someone touched me, too."
He couldn't reply, that was the confirmation that all the things he imagined she was doing weren't real. Her life there wasn't so different from the one he was living in London.
"I'm sorry, Jamie," she said stroking his cheek.
For a moment, both of them stared at each other and even James leaned towards her and their lips almost touched. But he stopped.
"I want to do this but not under the influence of alcohol," he said.
Rose just nodded.
"Then you're right and it's time to sleep," she simply said.
.
"I swear I cannot move," Rose, plopped down on the sofa when they returned to her apartment and covered her eyes with her arm. "My world is spinning."
"You were never famous for holding tequila," he said, giggling. "Tomorrow you'll feel awful but hope you can sleep well."
"Gonna try, ketzele," she said, closing her eyes and immediately falling asleep.
Part of his brain realised the way she called him. Ketzele was a word he didn't hear in a very long time, but he was also drunk and probably just imagined it. It was something he wanted to hear really bad, so the most probably thing was that he just imagined it. He went to her bedroom and didn't waste energy in removing his clothes, he just laid down and following her steps, he also fall asleep.
The sound of a siren woke him up hours later. It was still dark. His head hurt and he felt his mouth dry but it wasn't just that. James opened his eyes completely when he felt the unmistakable presence of Rose next to him. She was curled up against his chest with her head resting on his shoulder.
Shit. When did that happen, if the last thing he remembered was her sleeping on the sofa? But there she was, next to him again. He took his time to admire her. The shape of her nose, her eyelashes, the way her mouth was slightly open and how was breathing calmlyā¦
There was a time when he woke her up kissing her neck and smiling against her skin. Both were early birds and it was almost a norm for them to start their day with the sunrise, so the playful mornings were a daily routine that both shared every day. But he couldn't do that now.
The memories of her crying the last night because her boss stole sabotaged her dress was still in his head. Same as the subsequent hug he gave her.
"No one hugged me like this in a very long timeā¦ Actually it was you, you were the last, Jamie. You were my last everything. My last kiss, my last warm hug and the last time someone touched me, too."
All the things he wanted to say when he put a feet in New York three days ago, vanished in the air. He just couldn't do it. Still sleeping, she cuddled up against his chest. James put an arm around her like in the old times and allowed himself to enjoy that.
When later Rose woke up and felt him hugging her, she didn't move. There will be time for explanations but not now. She planted a kiss on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
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Summary: They live in a paradise or so the government say. They live in happy land where people has no right to complain about because they have everything. Money, education, good jobs... Just the best, the government say. || Before her eviction two years ago, there was a night where Rose and James met.
Warnings: Explicit use of drugs -both, recreationally and not- drug addiction and alcohol. Mentions of depression, suicide. Implicit sex. Government manipulation. || Futuristic AU, everything here was created by me.
Words: 3k.
United West Nations, formerly Europe. Today is the year 3023 A.G.E -After the Great Explosion-
Almost three thousand years ago, a meteor destroyed big part of the Earth as it's was known until that moment, they call it "The Great Explosion." Almost all islands, countries and even a continent disappeared but humanity survived and they rebuilt. Those lands that remained united forces and constructed a new world. That generation said that they weren't going to make the same mistakes as the previous civilizations but people never learn. For centuries things went well, but then human ambition and avarice took the wheel.
Under the new regime, things began to change and those in power began to feel like Gods, as it happened before, only the fair benefits the citizens had prevent the rebellion. Free and good health care, high salaries, almost no unemployment, nice homes and excellent education for children and young adults. Free choice. No racism. All of that in exchange of living without love. What it began as an experiment soon showed the utilities and that never changed, because they determined that people were more useful when they didn't have distracting thoughts in their minds.
What they didn't tell people bit all knew about it was the high rate of suicide, the abuse of drugs and antidepressants. The alcoholism and the rage in the streets. They didn't speak how the elitism still existed and the richest had access to something that the rest didn't. All that wasn't something the new neon world talked about. It happened in the shadows.
The United West Nations were a beautiful place to live in if you ignored all that.
ā¢ 30 years ago. (2993 A.G.E)
Rose, five years old, was crying in his mother's arms after the blonde nurse took her blood for analysis for the first time. The candy the nurse gave her afterwards did nothing to calm the little girl but still Mary put it in her pocket to give it to her daughter later at home.
"It's over, Rosie. They won't touch you again, sweetheart," she said, holding her against her chest and keeping her there until her daughter slowly calmed down.
It was just routine, a healthy kid was going to be a valuable member of society in the future and if the kid had some sickness, the chances to detect it early could help to find a cure, if was one. Only that the little girl wearing that floral dress, was what they called a miracle. Even if they weren't a miracle but for sure it wasn't common at all.
Medics, chemists and members of the government opted to wait but they promised to keep that girl not far away from their sight. She was too young to understand how valuable she could be. Too soon to know if they were right or not, but everything in her showed the same signs other people like her did before her.
A case like hers deserved a special treatment, deserved the best. Mary Coldwell got a new modern flat, Rose was enrolled at a good school and the following year, when she was six, was going to start first grade there.
Mary knew better than say no. Rose's father disappeared one morning and she didn't hear of him since then. It was fine, Samuel was just a close friend that one night life and alcohol put together in bed and nine months later Rose came. He accepted his new duty as father and after Rose was born he became Mary's husband because it was his responsibility, he said. For four years they lived together in armony until he vanished in the air. Mary called the authorities, she called some friends but none heard from him. Police never found him, they swore.
One morning, when Mary knowing he wasn't coming back and was putting his things aside discovered that Samuel hadn't been taken his pills. Several boxes remained untouched, hidden in the bottom of the wardrobe and suddenly everything made sense to her. Mary had noticed some changes in him, the way his eyes looked softer, the way he touched her hair and the way he was with their daughter, but she preferred to ignore it. Mary understood that Samuel hadn't disappeared but someone made him disappear and he wasn't coming back, this time she was sure of it.
Mary accepted all the gifts they gave her just because her girl was special because Rose needed it, but inside herself despise it and promised herself that Rose was going to grow up knowing the truth about her father, the man who chose to love in silence but in the end lost everything.
Year: 3021. Two years before Rose's eviction.
Paris was the name. It was an exclusive place full of rich people and the building indeed was a VIP club. The wooden floor was shining after it was polished several times that day, the seafood was the best and the colorful drinks were waiting for the guests to arrive. Same as the drugs on their respective little boxes waiting for the costumers. Synthetic happiness in form of pink hearts, made to stimulate the brain and the hormones. In a world where love was eradicated, they created something to compensate that in a laboratory and people craved that.
James was there because his brother Jared invited him. As a doctor working for the government, Jared Walsh had free access to places where most citizens in Great London City had to pay a fortune. Jared was there because he helped to create the new and expensive drug that rich people were desperate to consume. He wasn't proud of it, but was forced to do it. Eventually he discovered that one of those little hearts helped to avoid guilt when he invited a young man to a hotel room and it was a good way to forget that he, as many others, had lost the moral compass long ago.
Rose was invited and decided to go because had nothing better to do and because, honestly speaking, she wanted a man to spend the night with. Paul Mendes was an engineer that designed the Tall Tower IV where important politicians lived in and invited Rose because he had met her during a birthday two weeks ago. She had designed the dress the birthday girl wore and he had been behind her since then. She found him infuriatingly dense. But no one, not even Rose, could deny that spending an evening in the Paris was a delightful chance to have something new to do.
The soft music playing in the back made the ambient more sophisticated. Men talking about business with others, women wearing dresses that showed more skin than what covered. Some people were dancing and others were drinking and chatting. Paul was talking to some men, one of which gave him the drug and he accepted. Rose rolled her eyes. At that point of her life, with 32 years, she had seen enough to know that people was desperate to feel something and had learnt to not judge. Maybe even herself did it twice or thrice, but she expected that at least he had wait a couple of hours before jumping directly into that. Whatever Paul wanted to do, wasn't going to be with her
Rose was sitting alone at the bar counter when looking around she saw him. Wearing a cream suit with a blue tie was a tall man that caught her attention. He was smoking and talking to another man with black hair that had a glass of champagne in his hand. It was him who said something to the the tallest one who turned his head to look at her.
---
"A pretty girl at your eight has been looking at you for some time, James," Jared said smirking and curiosity killed the cat.
When James saw Rose, on purpose, she let her shawl slid down her arms revelling her shoulders. As if her backless dress didn't stop exactly at the end of her back leaving him with the desire to see more.
A rushed "see you later" was all Jared heard of him before he went directly to where the girl was.
Rose felt his breath behind her and his fingers brushing her skin when he put her shawl back on her shoulders.
"Night is cold, sweetheart," he said, almost kissing her ear and a pleasant shiver ran down her spine. "What are you doing alone here, ā¦?"
"Rose."
"Rose, what are you doing alone?"
"The man who invented me found a new friend, I guess," she said pointing at Paul who had a brunette in his arms.
"Paul Mendes. He's such a prick."
"Do you know him?"
"I do. He hired me once to take photos of his buildings. I did it, but it was the last time I worked for him, he tried to scam me. So, it's good he found a new companion because it means you don't have to deal with him and because I can invite you a drink."
"I don't even know your name, stranger. All I know is you're a photographerā¦ and that you smell really well."
He chuckled and sat down on the high stool next to her, "I'm James, nice to meet you, Rose," he said as he was looking for his cigarette case. He offered her one but she shook her head.
"I don't smoke but I'll accept you a drink."
The red and green beverage both ordered came with four happy pills. Two for each of them. In clubs like Paris that came included with the ticket. That was why it was so expensive. They put them apart, for later if the circumstances allow them to take them. Although considering the way they were looking at each other, his hands on her knees and how she found any excuse to touch his arms then they were going to need it soon than they expected.
She did the first move when the topics to talk about something as excuse to be closer soon began to feel forced. James saw the moment she took one of the pills and put it inside her mouth, but didn't swallowed it, she showed her tongue at him. He smirked.
Same as Rose, James did it before too like most people around there. The heart shaped drug on the tip of her tongue was something he wasn't let it go, so he pushed her to him and kissed her. The sweet flavour of the pill soon reached his taste buds. He pressed his fingers on her lower back as he felt her hands on the back of his head.
They went to a dark corner of the Paris, on some couch she sat down on his lap and let out a moan when he kissed her neck as if he was a vampire thirsty for blood, after he crushed another of those pills and sprinkled it on her. James was thirsty only it was for her skin and the rest of the drug on her. In the future he was going to cursed that moment, but that night he felt alive probably for the first time in long time and he didn't know if it was the combination of the drug and Rose or if he simply should blame her.
"I pay for the hotel room, if you want" he said. His erection was so painful in that moment that he didn't care where, but he needed her.
"Yes, I want. I really want," she replied making him smile.
Jared was the only one who saw them leaving the Paris.
---
There was a hotel in front of the Club. Nice and expensive, perfect for them and luckily had some rooms available. The elevator left them in the third floor and James' hands couldn't be more quickly to open the door and slam the door right after they entered.
"Come here," he said, taking her in his arms. He lifted her and walked until her back hit the wall and Rose hugged his hips with her legs.
They kissed again as with one hand he tried to unbutton his trousers and she helped him to remove his jacket and shirt. Rose's dress was long gone, probably fell near the door, only her panties were on and James couldn't wait to make them disappear as well. Lucky for him that didn't take long.
Rose dig her nails in his shoulders when she finally felt him. The two shared one of the two remaining heart shaped pills. The other one was on her body, between her breasts and like a predator animal, he was taking care of it and also her. Both were high, to the point where reality began to vanish but were enjoying a sex encounter that was barely beginning.
She forgot how many times came, but the last one was when were in bed and felt her body relaxing, completely satisfied. His cock finally softened too and James plopped down on the mattress with her resting on his shoulder.
The effects of the drug were wearing off but they felt so well that they didn't care. That little pink heart was a miracle of modern science and it was worth to take one or two once in a while. Like that night.
Rose stroke his hair and he looked at her. His thumb brushed her cheek softly as they stared at each other.
"Thanks for this night, Jamie," was all she said before falling asleep.
James stayed awake for some time looking at her. The saddest part after a night like that one was that taking the Killer the next morning was like erasing all those happy moments and send them directly to the bin. Even if this time he didn't want to forget the feelings.
---
Rose had bought a shirt and pants in one of the stores inside the hotel itself because in the morning she couldn't wear that revealing dress that had the night before. Both were taking a breakfast in the bedroom before saying goodbye forever.
She noticed the change in James and couldn't help but feel sorry for him. The sparks in his eyes disappeared and the apathy she knew so well because had seen it in all the rest had taken the control of the man in front of her.
"I hope I can see you again," she said when, finally they left the hotel and they parted ways. "If not, I wish you the best. You're a good man, Jamie."
He smiled and kissed her cheek "and you're the nicest woman I ever met."
Rose saw him walk away and sighed. There was no words to describe how much she despised that awful transformation in just a couple of hours. True that she was also drugged but at least in her case the morning after didn't crash her soul. She wished she'd comfort him, something that didn't happen to her with another man before but she tried to ignore the feeling.
It wasn't until four months later that their paths crossed again.
Rose had been looking for new and prettier place to live for at least half a year, and found the perfect one in the sixth floor of a modern building that had been empty for three weeks since the previous owner died. It was sad, but someone had to take the chance and luckily they accepted her offer.
It was him who saw her this time. While some workers were dealing with her bed and the big furnitures, he saw her with some boxes in her hands. He had to look attentively to confirm it was her, but clearly was.
"Rose," he called.
Hearing her name was something she wasn't expecting and let alone that the one calling her was him.
"James? James! How are you? What are you doing here?"
"I live here and I see you're going to, too."
"Yes! I'm just moving inā¦ I can't believe it."
"Me either. And the only available space was in the sixth floor where Mr. Colemann lived, right? That's under my flat. I live in the seventh one."
She smiled at him when she heard that and even if he didn't respond the same way something in his eyes changed. "Let me help you with those boxes," James said and she nodded.
Rose was going to say in the future that the immunity in her disappeared when she realised that couldn't and didn't want to live without him, after a long time sharing time together but it happened in that clean elevator both shared when they were going to her apartment. When her hand found his. When that same night he invited her to have dinner in his place because her fridge was still empty.
It happened when they kissed that night. No drugs this time, just the desire to do it again.
@justrainandcoffee Your talent for world building continues to amaze me, Flor! However, as intrigued as I am by this futuristic society, I'm equally horrified. The story of Rose's father gutted me. He adored his wife and daughter and for that he was punished š Def frightened for Rose as she begins her acquaintance with James. Tho Paris took a bigger toll on him. These lines were like a knife to the heart! "James stayed awake for some time looking at her. The saddest part after a night like that one was that taking the Killer the next morning was like erasing all those happy moments and send them directly to the bin." I'm so excited to see where this goes!
š„ŗ. Thanks for commenting and sorry for the feelings, Lee!!
Samuel and Mary have a a really sad story in every timeline š. Sam loves his family, always, but always something happens š. Poor Mary, too because in the end she always ends alone š.
James isn't having a nice existence either (as per usual) and Rosebis about to play a dangerous game... The prologue already says that they're apart but I planned things š.
I did a travel to the past rewriting that š„ŗ. My past self had no fucking idea how these two were going to change everything regarding my writing and this blog and even me.
And how the characters themselves changed too.
Anyway now, at least, after 18 months sleeping in my drafts I can focus on that last chapter.
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Summary: James finally lands in NYC and sees Rose after a year apart.
Warnings: Mentions of depression.
Words: 3.8k. || This is a repost. I'm editing this story I wrote in January/February 2025.
2014. A day before the trip.
James didn't sleep and the sunrise found him printing the plane ticket his brother Jared bought to him. There, over the table, next to his fifth cup of coffee was his passport to happiness or to continue his miserable life, he didn't know yet.
Next to the door, he already had his baggage prepared. The next morning at that hour he was going to be flying to New York, a city he didn't know to see a person he did know very well but he wasn't sure how things were going to end.
He forced himself to go to the bathroom and open the cabinet where his shaving machine was. His long and unkempt beard slowly disappeared in front of his eyes. It's been a long time since he saw his face without beard. James watched himself in the mirror. He felt tired and it had nothing to do with his lack of sleep. Tired of everything. Tired to getting up from bed day after day, tired of having a fake smile on his face when he was working and even tired of lying to his brothers about how he was. Even feeding his chinchilla sometimes took energy from him that James didn't have.
Around 32 hours separated him from her. Maybe more, but just hours after almost a year apart. And it was those mixed feelings the things that were causing him extra stress. He was still angry, he still felt betrayed, with his heart broken in several pieces but he couldn't hate her for choosing something she fought her whole life to get for over his love for her. How many people lose opportunities for staying next to their partner instead of chasing their dreams? So, James couldn't blame her, not really. Still, he couldn't avoid those feelings either.
-
"Seems you left the homeless look behind you," the man sitting at the table in a pretty coffee shop said to James as soon as he saw him. "I barely recognised you without your Jesus' beard."
"Fuck you, Sasha."
"I'm joking. It's a good sign to take care of yourself again. How are you?"
"I don't know, but thanks for taking the time to talk to me face to face. How about you?"
"I'm fine, thanks. Of course, I'm here; In fact, I'm happy you want to talk in person and not just texting. After you self isolated we were worried about you. I wanted to see you, but Hev said maybe you needed time. But as time passed..."
"I'm sorry. It wasn't on purpose."
"Yes, I know. Don't worry. Are you still going to therapy?" Amos asked but in that moment the waitress came to take their orders.
"No," James said, once the girl left. "I just left everything except my work. I went to Dublin a couple of times but not as much as usual. My brothers came here, instead. But something happened last night: she called me."
"Fuck. Rose called you?" he asked and his friend nodded. "What did she say?"
"She was crying and just said 'sorry' and ended the call. I didn't call her back because I didn't know what to say. But I called Jared and him... Uhmā after some things he said to me, he surprised me buying a plane ticket to New York. I'm leaving tomorrow morning."
Amos was about to drink the first sip of coffee the waitresses left in front of him while James was talking, but the mug was now half way between the table and his mouth. "What? Are you going to New York?"
"Yes. I don't know what to expect, to be honest. Fuck, I don't even know if it's the right choice. I just... I'm a fucking mess, Amos and I need answers. My mind is a mix of thoughts and emotions. I can't remember the last time I slept well or the last time I didn't skip a meal. I have nightmares... The other night I laid with a woman that I can't remember her face nor even her name. I did it because I believed it'd help me. Obviously didn't work. Don't judge me. In top of that, I'm smoking again and it's bad."
"I'm not judging you. You're a free man, James, you can do whatever you want with any person. But smoking won't solve your problems in any case, it'll add another thing to worry about. Listen," Amos stared at his friend "Hev thinks Rose isn't telling her some things when they talk. And last time we made a video call, I was worried about her. She seems to be thinner than usual, so, she's obviously not living her best life either."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"When? I spoke more times with her living on the other side of the world than with you that we live in the same city. James, I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying, I know a thing or two about a messy head. Besides, it wasn't going to make any good if you know it. And Hev and me, we avoided talking about you with her too, so the conversations were about the most superfluous topics you can imagine."
James stirred his coffee and ate a muffin while Amos was looking at him and for a moment neither of the men said a word "Do you need money to go there?"
"No, thank you. But I need a favour because someone needs to feed Patrick and let him out of the cage for a bit to run. And if you can help with that, I'm going to be grateful. I can give you the spare keys of my apartment. I was going to ask this to Rose's brother, but I didn't dare to do it."
"Heaven will be delighted. She likes that fluffy thing," he said "Yes, I can do that. Give me the keys. But you have to promise me that even if this trip works the way you want, you're going to return to therapy because, James, we're going to deal with something worse than a broken heart if not. Believe me. Legal drugs can be your best friend, in your case maybe antidepressants."
"Promise."
"Then, we have a deal. Go and get your girl back, James. You're made for each other and after all this time I still can't believe you're still separated."
"I'm still hurt."
"And how do you think she is feeling?"
ā¦ā¦.
Next day in New York, Rose started her morning as usual. After after taking CPU out so the dog could pee, Rose prepared her breakfast as always. In her mind was still her call to James and the ulterior thoughts about it. She had no right to do that. They made a silent agreement and probably was implicit that they weren't bothering the other again. Because of that, Rose couldn't help but think she broke the aforementioned but inexistent promise. She didn't dare to call him back again. James probably hated her and he had every reason to do it. She sighed. One day, maybe, she was going to get over it but it wasn't now.
She turned the TV on and listened to the morning news because it was better than her own thoughts. Next to her and unaware of her owner's thoughts CPU was enjoying the first meal of the morning. Most of the times Rose wanted to be unaware of her own thoughts, too but she couldn't.
James' flight landed an hour later, the same time she was leaving to work.
He knew her adress thanks to Amos who gave it to him. Rose shared it with the Von Bismarcks not longer after she moved there in case they wanted to visit her some day. So, there he was. In a city he didn't know, looking for a person for whom he had mixed feelings and looking for a future he didn't know about.
After leaving the airport, went to the hotel Jared chose for him and his first thoughts were who was murdered there and the size of the cockroaches because that place was a pigsty. But he didn't want to complain nor have the energy to search for something better now. He did his check in and went to his bedroom to sleep. The jetlag was real and he was a victim of it.
By the time he opened his eyes again, it was getting dark. He changed his clothes and following the instructions in his phone, he went to the subway station that was going to take him to the place where Rose was living.
Already out of work and completely unaware James was just seconds away from her, Rose and her dog where returning from the park and the street market where she bought different things she needed for her and also her pet.
"If you don't stay calm, CP, I'm going to lose all the groceries we need to fill the kitchen. Can you please don't pull on your leash? What the hell is going with you? CP, stop!"
It was difficult enough to control a dog that clearly was stronger than her to, in top of that, grab the bags with only one hand. And to make everything more complicated, she felt the unpleasant presence of someone behind her.
"Seems you need help."
The stranger was closer and Rose could feel him breathing in her neck. The news almost every day showed a case of a woman being attacked in the streets in that same city and she didn't want to be part of the statistics.
"No, I don't need help," Rose grunted. Around the corner was her building and her apartment waiting for her. Just few more metres. She walked faster.
James was resting his back against the wall. Finally he was there. He crossed the ocean to see her and now he only needed courage to press the doorbell and announce his presence. Only he couldn't. Lighting up another cigarette, he let the first puff to calm him. Maybe it was a bad idea. But what was he going to do? Return to London that same night without seeing her? He wanted to see her despite his conflicted mind. There was a time, not so long ago, when James simply couldn't wait to see her. Like the times before they started to live together when he didn't even announce himself to see her. But now, there he was as if they didn't know eachother. As if he didn't know what her reaction could be.
But all his thoughts and his overthinking were interrupted when he heard voices coming from the other side of the street.
"Come on, let me help you. Don't be so proud," the man was that was walking behind her, said. Ć
"I said no."
"It won't hurt you, if you say yes."
James frowned and throw his cigarette away walking towards them.
"Leave me fucking alone! You creepy fucker! Leave me alone!" she didn't care that some people around her stared at her as she was crazy.
"I just want to help you, you don't need to overreact, sweetheart. New York isn't a safe place for a girl like you. Let m..." he couldn't say another word because a tall man he didn't see pushed him violently against the wall grabbing him by his lapels.
The bags Rose was carrying, finally fell down on the ground when she recognised him.
"Why are you bothering her when she told you to leave her alone? Why the fuck are you molesting my girl? Who the fuck are you?"
"I- I wasn't... I justā"
"You what? You what, fucker!! Is he being a nuisance, love?" James asked, but didn't look at her. His blue eyes full of hatred were fixed on the man in front of him.
"...Yes."
"Fuck you, then."
It was part of the rage he was trying to control for so long, part of his own mental health in that moment but when James' fist found the man's face this one ended on the floor nose bleeding and with a head concussion. But fine, because he ran away as soon as he could.
James shook his sore hand before turning around to finally see Rose. There she was, still standing in the same position with the bags at her feet and her dog next to her looking at him with curiosity. Rose and her brown eyes, full of tears, that she wiped away with her sleeve.
"Jamie..."
"Yes. It's me."
A lot of scenarios crossed James' mind imagining various alternatives to their reunion. One of them, was him telling her to fuck off. That if his life was miserable right now it was because of her. That she ruined his life in the worst way possible. But now that she was in front of him, he couldn't. Instead, when he saw her approaching him and how she put her arms around his body, resting her head on his chest; his response was to put an arm around her shoulders and caressing her hair with his free hand. They stayed still like that for several minutes, in silence, just feeling the other until James pushed her away gently.
"Your bags are still on the street."
"Yes, sorry, yes. Uhm... I was going to my place when he made my way back home a bit impossible." She said as she picked up the bags again, only this time James helped her.
"Who was he?"
"No idea. I think he has been following me for an hour or soā¦ I didn't recognise him."
"Don't worry now. I don't think he's coming back. Sorry for calling you 'my girl' or 'love' it was because I thought otherwise he wasn't going to leave you alone."
Those two words didn't pass unnoticed by her when James pronounced them. So now that he was apologising about it, it made her heart sunk. "It's okay," she said almost silently.
The building was only four floors and with an antique elevator that was out of service. But James had to admit that it was a nice place despite he felt tired after climbing the stairs till her apartment.
"It's a bit messy," Rose said turning the lights on and while CPU ran to the sofa to rest there after the unexpected evening she had. "I wasn't expecting...
You.
...visitors. Please, just move those things put them on the floor. It's just stuff. Nothing important, so you can sit comfortably."
Rose went to the kitchen and put the groceries over the table she had there. She also rested her hands on it and inhale deeply trying to remain calm. Her mind was spinning so fast that for a moment she felt sick. Rose breathed in and out to slow down her heart.
"Would you like some tea?" She asked raising her voice trying to hide she was trembling.
"Yes, it'd be nice, thanks, Rose."
While she was in the kitchen James looked around. All that place screamed Rose. The clothes all over the sofa, two mannequins with unfinished dresses over them, the white curtains with little blue flowers. The strawberry incense sticks... How much he hated that smell when they were together and how much he missed it when she left! To the point one day he bought several to put them in the apartment and feel that a part of her was still there, even if it was an illusion.
"She's pretty," James said regarding CPU when she returned to her living room with two cups of tea and a tray with cookies and muffins.
"CPU is the only one I trust here. She's a precious girl. I found her, someone abandoned her apparently and now is mine. She makes my life more bearable, even if she snores" Rose replied.
"How's life here?"
"What do you think?" she responded as if the answer wasn't in front of his eyes. Rose swallowed the cookie that was eating as she felt her eyes burning again. Only this time she couldn't disguise it "What are you doing here?" She finally asked.
Same as her, James felt his eyes full of tears but tried to ignore them. "I don't know, Rose. After your called me, my whole world ended to tear apart. I wasn't expecting it and when I talked to Jared, expecting to hear some words... instead of that he bought me the plane ticket and here I am. But I don't know why. Yesterday I talked to Amos, I didn't see him in a lot of months. Amos told me that he didn't see you well and also told me that you were thinner and if I had doubts to come here he made it disappear because suddenly I was worried. I fucking shouldn't, but I was. And I am. Because I can see that what he told me it's fucking true."
"The call was a moment of weakness. I didn't mean to bother you, even less to make you come here" Rose said sitting on her chair, hugging herself with her knees against her chest. "I'll be fine, don't worry about me."
"Don't worry about you?! How much are you weighting, Rose?"
"And you? How much are you smoking? Don't think I can't smell you! I know you started when you were a kid because of the trauma your father caused to you! And it breaks my heart that you're doing that shit again because of me now! And you didn't see your best friend in ages!! You reclused yourself. Fuck!" She stood up and went to the window. The sadness in her eyes, he realised, matched the way he felt, too. "I didn't want to hurt you, I never wanted that. Or this," she said motioning to her place "but it happened and I can't change it. I wish you could feel how much I regret it. I lost you. I fucking lost you and I can't forgive myself."
"What are you saying? I know you didn't want this fucking, Rose! I know who you are and I know it wasn't your intention. But it happened, too! And here we are. Both of us covered by the same shit," James left the cup of tea on the table and looked at her. "I'd like to say a lot of things but it can wait. Listen to me, you need to eat, Rose."
"Did you cross the ocean just to scold me?"
"If I have to, then, yes. When I return to London I want to do it knowing you're okay."
"When you...?" Rose looked at her empty cup of tea. 'You just arrived', she wanted to say. 'Please don't go so soon'. Stay. But she didn't allow her mind to speak.
"I don't have date for that."
"Then, maybe, you can stay a couple of days so you can see the city. Take some pictures, I know you'd like that. Google can show you the best places toā"
"Or you can show me."
"I'm not the best tourist guide, James. I barely left my apartment. My favourite place is the rooftop and that says a lot," she confessed. "Don't waste your opportunity to enjoy this beautiful city because of me."
"You can try."
Rose, who'd been avoiding looking at him, finally did it. His sad expression made her heart ache but she didn't avoided his eyes again. Not when they were speaking for him.
So she nodded because she knew that was the chance she had been waiting for. Rose told him that there was a pretty place where they could eat and they could visit the surroundings of the zone where she was living. There was always street musicians and different kinds of artists. They could visit the most important parts of the famous city the next days. If he wanted to.
The night was perfect for walking. The pub Rose mentioned was few blocks from her flat but unless it was take away, she never ate there.
After eating, they walked across the streets. It was a bohemian corner of New York that had nothing to do it with Times Square or the Fifth Avenue.
They had been in silence most of the time. Sharing occasional updates or talking about their works or pets, but anything related to their past. Nor how bad they still were.
"Where are you staying at?" she asked while they were looking at a man painting a woman and her kid.
As response, James gave her the card he had in his pocket and that the receptionist had given to him.
"Are you kidding me, right?" she asked again after reading it.
"Jared got it. It was a last minute decision, soā¦"
"You can't stay there. It's dangerous and you're a tourist. Probably right now they're sneaking into your baggage looking what they can steal from you."
"The camera is here with me. My money, credit cards, passport, etc, too. They're going to find anything there."
"Your brother hates you in secret. I'm serious, James, you can't stay there."
"Then?"
The same solution crossed their minds almost at the same time and it was the reason why Jared sent him to that hell branch: because he knew Rose could never allow his brother to stay in a place like that.
"Maybe you couldā" she started to say. "I have aā¦"
"For tonight," he stated. "Tomorrow I'm going to find a better hotel."
"Yes, for tonight. It's okay."
After all those months apart, the first night they saw each other again found them sleeping under the same roof.
It was midnight and Rose had to woke up in few hours to go to work, but back in her place, the ex couple was resting their backs on the rooftop. She was willing to show it to him and he accepted it.
"I understand why this is your favourite place," he said looking at the sky. "It's like a little paradise just for you."
"Yeah. I've been lucky, I guess. You can see the sunrise between the buildings over there and it's really pretty. It's not a bad place."
"Better than our old flat."
"I didn't say that," Rose replied.
"No, but it is. You didn't have these views there, so it's an upgrade."
"But I had you. And no views and sunrises can change that," she covered herself with the blanket and stared at the sky again. Some nights, stars were more visible than others and that was one of those occasions. Both witnessed the exact moment a shooting star crossed the dark sky, but they didn't mention it.
"I better go to sleep," she said standing up, minutes later. "Take the bed, James. The sofa is too small for you and it's not the first time I sleep there. Besides, I wake up early and my dog, too. That way, we don't bother you. You can stay here all the time you want by the way, not just tonight."
She gave him the blanket she had and opened the door that led her back down to her flat.
"Wait," he called and she stopped. "You didn't lose me, Rose, you know?" he said. "You didn't."
I was watching an episode of CSI and the protagonist made me think of James (don't ask. I have a thing for wet cats and emotionally bottled up fictional men) and I thought of him having a healthy relationship with Anya, an universe where she's not a crazy bitch, and then losing her in some kind of accident. Tragically.
I'm going to put emphasis on this again because James loved Anya, even in their unhealthy relationship. Rose is always his second love -even if she's the love of his life.
So if he tried to put emotional distance when met Rose in canon, let's add this idea of that he can lose her too like happened to Anya. It could cause him to be overprotective... Like a lot. Not to mention that the emotional distance at the beginning could be much worse because no way, he thinks, is going to fall in love again.
I do enjoy writing Anya and James being toxic, but I just imagined a what if they aren't and then boom! She dies.
I'm about to edit the whole story that tells when Rose went to NYC and left James behind. There are a lot of references there to things aren't canon anymore but when I wrote them back in January 2025 I didn't know.
Also, I wrote the last part of five back in February 2025 and never posted. It's in my drafts and it's haunting me since then, but I can't continue if I don't edit the first four first.
That means Evert and mother are gone, same as all references to Alfie there. It'll take me some days but it's something I want to do.
That way I'm going to be able to post finally the last one.
The one in my drafts: 16 feb. 2025. It's about timeā.
I'd like to talk to myself living in January '25 and tell her wtf she was thinking when added the Everts here. I mean, I understand now that it was completely unnecessary, I didn't back then but still !šāāļø.
It feels better erasing them, knowing that they don't exist here. Rose is still miserable af, but at least isn't dealing with them.
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Summary: It's 2014 when James, in London, received a call from Rose, in NYC, after a year since they broke up. A call that lasted few seconds but that could change everything. They swore they will never going to talk again but both of them even with resentment and regrets as big as the ocean in between can't forget the other, not even after a year apart.
Warnings: Angst.
Words: 3.8k || This is a repost. I'm editing this story written in January and February 2025. The premise is basically the same but I changed things that aren't canon anymore. Some minor plot changes.
2014.
"I'll get you an Uber."
"Can't I stay?"
"No."
"You're an asshole."
"Yes, that's who I am."
James sat down in bed and put his trousers on. On the table was his phone and he picked it up to open the app and get a car for the woman who was dressing behind him and which name he didn't remember. He didn't even know how he agreed to have sex with her in first place, but it happened after several drinks at his favourite pub. The same one he kissed Rose for the first time six years ago. But the circumstances were extremely different.
The girl opened the door and slammed it after her once she left his apartment. She didn't even said goodbye and she had every right. Not even having sex after almost a year, lightened up his soul. Quite the contrary.
Last time he smoked was when he was 18. He started when was 14 to cope with his own thoughts about his parents and he left once he moved to London. But now he returned to his old habits for the same reason: to quiet his mind, only this time he had nowhere to escape.
His watch said it was 3am. His mind reminded him that it was 10pm in New York. He was living a day ahead her. Ironically, he thought as her as his past. Like the day he already lived, but she still didn't finish.
"Fuck." James said resting his forehead against the edge of the balcony, "fuck". He threw the cigarette away feeling he wanted to scream.
Almost a year passed and nothing was easier as people said to him.
2013 ||
"What the hell!" Rose was resting on the couch and James was taking a shower when an unexpected email surprised her.
Rose started shouting and made James rushed out of the shower, only to find her hopping around the couch. Her laptop was now on the floor.
"Jesus Christ, I almost had a heart attack, RĆ³isĆn! what's happening!!"
"I'm sorry, ketzele! But! Oh, my god!! Do you remember few months ago I sent my CV to this magazine in New York? I told you that it was almost impossible to work for them but I had to try. It took them, I don't know, five months, but they said yes! I didn't confirm it, yet, but it's a yes!"
"Holy shit, love! Congratulations. Of course they accepted your application. You're the best." James exclaimed genuinely happy and sharing a smile with her.
"This is going to be huge, Jamie."
Both of them went out to dinner that night to celebrate this new beginning, but it was the last time that both of them were fine. Both, Rose and James, believed that it was a remote job. She'd send her designs to them and they'd select the best to publish them in the magazine. Living in New York wasn't an idea that either of them considered as a possibility.
James knew the bad news the following night when he arrived from work.
"They don't want me to send my things to them," she said as soon as he asked her what was happening. Rose was in her sofa hugging herself "they want me to work for them, there. It means, living in New York. They promised to give me an apartment. They gave me time to organise the things, including the legal papers and probably in two months I have to go."
Nothing remained from the joyful day they had 24 hours ago. James plopped down in a chair and looked at her.
"Did you say yes?"
"I didn't say anything yet. I wanted to talk to you first. We can move there, Jamie, you'll have a great opportunity there too, imagine ifā"
"I'm not going to leave my work, Rose. And I'm not going to leave England either. If I take a plane I'm just an hour away from my brothers, not like, how many hours? 10, at least, or whatever from that city. Shit. SHIT! Why the hell can't you send them your designs from here? It's the fucking same!"
"They want me to present my clothes in a runway, too. Not just a draw that I'd send via mail or sending a package with the clothes if necessary. But James, I didn't say yes... Iā."
"I'm not going to be the one between you and your dreams, Rose. If you say no to the opportunity of your life because of me, you're going to resent me forever. I saw you yesterday! Your eyes were shining, you fought your whole career for an opportunity like this one. I know that."
"I'm not going to resent you, James! What the fuck in the world are you saying? I don't know what to do, it's just that! I can't accept if you're not with me. I can say no, it's not a big deal."
James huffed. "Come on! You want to say yes, you told me that! Besides, how many people has this chance? So, it's indeed a big deal."
"Not job is worth if I don't have you, Jamie. My current job it's not that bad either."
"You hate it. And they don't even pay you what you deserve."
"But this is London. I can have a new opportunity I just need to find it," she said but not even her believed her words. In an oversaturated market, she was lucky to have that one. "I'll be fine. And maybe, I can open my own store if I manage to save enough money that's my ultimate goal after all."
Things started to complicate a week later when Rose told the woman in charge of the human resources department that she was declining the offer. It was a videocall and James overheard it.
"Are you sure, Ms. Coldwell? Is it about money? We can talk about it if you need more."
"I'm always willing to accept more money," she said honestly "but it's not the case. I can't leave my city, my place. Soā"
"Think about the opportunities you're not having now, Rose. The New York fashion week can be real for you in no time. Our CEO is really interested in your work, she personally chose you over hundreds of applications. This is once in a lifetime opportunity. I'll give you one day more to think about it. Tell me tomorrow your answer."
Rose closed her laptop and hid her face in her hands. She knew never again was going to have the chance to work in a place like that. 24 hours could make the difference between riding that train or let it go forever. It was James or it was her future and without saying out loud, she'd already made a choice and James knew it. He went to the balcony, closing the glass door behind him. Five years together ending like that.
2014.
One thing she liked from New York was sitting in the rooftop of the building she was living now and staying there for hours at night. Usually wrapped around a blanket and holding a cup of coffee. She always liked coffee, but living there increased the addiction.
It was always her, the city that never sleeps, her warm drink and her thoughts. And for the last two months, also CPU, her beloved English bulldog she found in the streets eating trash one night she decided to walk because her thoughts were tormenting her. It was like the dog was waiting for her. Rose took her to the vet the next day and they told her that the animal wasn't microchipped and considering she was underweight it was very probably that she was a stray dog or simply someone abandoned her. Who could do that to such a sweet girl was something Rose didn't understand, but at least now CPU had a place to stay, food everyday, a warm bed and Rose had company.
That wasn't the promise land she thought it'd be. The American dream it was less glamorous than Hollywood wanted people to believe it was. London wasn't a paradise either, but at least she was familiar with it. Her friends were there. He was there. The salary was actually good but the price she had to pay for it, it was higher. The CEO of the magazine was a woman who could make Miranda Priestly look like a good person and Rose didn't have a peaceful day thanks to her. What she had were opportunities that in London until the moment she left never had. Her name was part of several important magazines but her dog and regrets that was all she had at the end of the day.
Soon it was also clear how competitive the job was and how bitchy some people there could be. The major prize was appearing in the magazine cover and some people there were ready to trade their mother for it and it was something she hated it. It was also the racism, she faced and was facing.
No friends, no family and no James. The one who had it all, now had nothing. Her mother and brothers talked to her almost every day and she always texted her friends but she didn't spoke to James before she left London. It was an implicit agreement between them to make things easier for them but after all that time his absence still hurt her a lot.
It was the way she felt when was with him, the way he always managed to make her smile and feel better about herself, it was him encouraging her to do whatever made her happy. In that rooftop wrapped in her blanket and with CPU at her feet, Rose felt the familiar knot in her throat appearing again.
The vision of the city illuminated by the building was now blurry because of the tears. She missed him in ways she thought it wasn't possible to miss anyone.
She cleaned her eyes and stood up. "It's late, CP, let's go to bed. Come on, girl."
Another night alone. Another day alone. It was 10pm when she checked her phone. It was 3am in London, and Rose wondered what James was doing.
2013. ||
"Please, let me know how how's everything, sweetheart and call me as soon as you can. I'm going to be there in two weeks, ok?"
Rose and her family were at the airport. Mary Coldwell was embracing her daughter and trying not to cry in front of her.
"Ok, mum. Everything will be okay, I promise. I love you."
"I love you too, Rosie."
"Take care of our Bubbe, please. Tell her I'll send her some of the magazines as soon as I can but the chances of my name appearing there are very low."
"She knows, but you know she wants to presume about you in front of the other ladies in the synagogue. She's proud of you."
Both women smiled and hugged each other again. "And tell Jamesā¦ tell him, please, not to hate me," Rose whispered and Mary could feel her daughter sobbing against her shoulder.
"He doesn't hate you, Rosie. He could never hate you."
In movies, that was the moment when the beloved person runs through the airport to kiss their love and they say goodbye in a very bittersweet moment, but in real life that kind of things hardly ever happen. Hurt as he was, James didn't go to Heathrow because he was in Dublin seeking comfort at his brother' house. The presence of Rose in what once was their apartment was too high for him to tolerate. In fact, when the plane took off he was sleeping in Jared's couch after a night drinking alone.
2014.
The storm didn't stop and it was still raining when Rose went to bed several hours later after work that night.
"You need to see him again, Rose. You can't keep living like this. Call him."
"He doesn't want to talk to me."
"How do you know?"
"Because he never talked to his ex after they broke up. Because he tends to put distance between him and people he doesn't like."
"I'm sure it's not your case. Come on! What's the worst that can happen? He can ignore you, finish the callā¦ but that's it! For what you said he's not a bad man, he's not going to insult you, hurt you. And finishing the call is the worst scenario. But what if he responds? What if he wants to see you? Rose, listen to me, you need him."
Her friend was right, she needed him. Rose needed James because no other person on Earth could cure her sorrow and her soul and heart the same way he'd do it but she was also terrified of calling him and upset him somehow, even more. Yet, listening to his voice could make the difference between that night and the following day.
Alone in her bedroom and while her dog slept next to her, Rose grabbed her phone. It was the first time in months that she opened a file where she kept the photos that she and James took together. Rose looked at the person in those pictures and barely recognised herself: that girl there was happy. Her smile, her eyes, everything about her showed the happiness she was experiencing in those moments together. That Rose from not so long ago wouldn't believe that the one in bed now, trade everything she loved for a dream that wasn't what she imagined.
In the darkness of her bedroom and her life, Rose searched for his number after a year. The green button was shining in front of her eyes but she didn't tap on it. It was late in England, maybe he was sleeping, maybe he didn't want to talk.
But in the end she did it.
He was indeed in bed, but not sleeping at all. Her name written on the screen caught him off guard. He had the option to ignore the call or to answer it. He chose the latter, even if he wasn't sure why he did it.
Rose heard his breathing and imagined him in his bed waiting for her to spoke first but the knot in her throat prevented her to do it.
"Hi," he said when it was obvious she wasn't going to talk. James heard her crying despite she tried to muffling it. It also seemed to be raining there.
"I'm sorry," she finally said barely whispering. "I'm so sorry, Jamie."
She didn't say anything else and few seconds later Rose ended the call. James tried to ignore the feeling but her broken voice hit him in the face. He had dreams where Rose was happy in New York, smiling, making new friends and maybe finding comfort in another's man arms. But she didn't sound like a happy person. He remained in his bed trying to calm his mind but he couldn't.
He took his cigarettes and went to the balcony to breathe fresh air. He wasn't expecting to hear her ever again. Their last time together was a goodbye forever, he said to himself more than once. But he wasn't so sure now.
-
Jared heard his phone vibrating and grunted in bed. He was very tempted to ignore the call at that hour but his mind reminded him that only one person could call at 4am and it was James. His brother was depressed and his sleep schedule was a disaster.
"What happened?" Jared asked still hugging his pillow and with his eyes closed.
"Were you sleeping?"
"It's fucking 4 o'clock in the morning, James."
"I'm sorry. I-, it's just... Rose called me. She was crying."
The mention of his brother's ex, made Jared open his eyes and sat in bed "She called you?"
"Yes."
"Fuck. What did you say?"
"Nothing. She said sorry and ended the call. She sounded... Sad."
"James, listen to me for once. You can't keep living like this. You're a fucking mess, I don't know when was the last time you took a shower or shaved or clean your apartment but you need to live again. So, or you go to New York to see her again face to face or you put your shit together and forget her. The first option is easier than the second one and I know she's in the same shit as you are."
"She was the one who left me, Jared! I'd have never done that to her. I'm still angry!"
"Understandable and you're right. But also people make mistakes the whole time, James. We're humans, we are made to do stupid shit because no matter how smart a person is, we only learn from our mistakes when it's too late. She's a good person that's why she apologized and you miss her."
"I had sex with a woman yesterday. After all this time and she called me after all these fucking months the day after it! Like she knew!"
"But she doesn't know. Are you feeling better about yourself after last night?"
"No."
"I can't listen to you as psychiatric, James. I can't give you any professional advice because we're related but... Fuck, do something, I'm telling this as your brother." Jared sighed "You know what? Just wait there... I'll call in five minutes or so. Wait me."
It wasn't until about fifteen minutes later than James received a text message from Jared.
Check your email.
When he did it, along with the hundreds of unread emails he had he saw the lastest one was from his brother. It was a plane ticket to New York. In two days.
Jared called him back and didn't wait for him to say a thing. "I couldn't get one for tomorrow. But this is fine and it was the last seat available. So, make it count, James. It's my gift to you so you can fix your life. It's expensive as fuck, so you better go. Also made a reservation in a cheap hotel because they're going to ask where the fuck you're going to stay while you're there."
"But..."
"No buts. You'll shave, take a shower and prepare your baggage and put your ass in that plane, Thorne. What happens there, it's up to you."
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