I THINK, I HAVE, I MUST, SAY IT!

Hello again...  as I told y’all.. I don’t have someone to tell my story so yeah... a month ago, I matched someone on Tinder, he was younger than me and pretty handsome tho, quite smart ‘cause he studying in reputable university

yeah as usual (you know) if you matched someone in Tinder, the flow will be like ‘Introduction’ > ‘where you live’ > ‘move to other chat platform’ > ‘chatting and video callin’ > then ghosting (Lol) 

we didn’t chatted that much, but every night after we were done with our activities we had video call. he said he screenshoted some of picture in my social media that he think I was cool and good looking (the fact is he way more good looking than me) 

I stated to him that I wasn’t looking for ‘Fun’, so don’t expect me to do naughty thing such VCS or send naked picture. and he was agreed cause he pretty discreet tho. and it was his fist time playing Tinder and his first one was me (Idk it was bullshit or not) 

he put my picture on his wallpaper phone, and I said be careful... what if your friends or family see it. and he said don’t worry... and I was like “okay then whatever” 

one day he texted that he wanted to meet me tonight, and I was like “what’s the sudden?” and he was just “I want to tell something :(” with a sad emoji... wow I was kinda curious but he didn’t give me any clue. 

he came to the restaurant first (I’m typical late person), I walked to get close to him was smiling.. and I was like.. OMG let this be the one.. (at that we were not dating, sadly we never be :( ) he was so calm, he said ‘how are you’, ‘where you wanna go after this’ (I said on text, I’d go to my friend cafe to work)

he said ‘are you happy with me?’ and I was just like “hmmm yeah’ (inside my head: ofcourse motherfuccccker) he took a big breath and said ‘I have problems’ and I said ‘what’s that, tell me?’ ....’MY DAD SAW YOUR PICTURE AS MY WALLPAPER, and he asked who’s that?’............I was like whatt.........

I was upset and sad at the same time, ‘cause I told him to not put it, I have no words to say.. I didn’t know to help.. 

so as the person who older than him, I just ‘what you want me to do?’ 

he said ‘no no need’ but I think I will not chat or call you for couple days (couple days till now mthfucker) and I was like cool said ‘hmm okay... I can’t force you, and it also for you goodness’

I was kinda tbh, but what should I do tho? huh? begging him? oh seriously....

Hello.. I don’t know if this writing get any attention or not. I just want to spell it out. because I don’t have anyone to tell about this (discreet problem) 

Well, few months before I graduated, I met someone which is really interesting, so typical of me, a basketball player (wow) what a perfect one. 

I met this one at Supermarket near to my campus, he was picking a bottle from a refrigerator and I was looking for a snack. I went froze for a moment when he suddenly drank that water. like..... damn.... super cool. my heart beat fast if I meet him since then. 

I doesn’t know what his name is, I look up on my campus basketball team instagram and BOOM I found his name.. I was super happy but still don’t know what to do. shall I follow him ? damn it would be so odds. (btw I’m living in a country that LGBTQ isn’t accepted)  after weeks of thinking, I finally followed him by using my 2nd instagram, but he doesn’t follow me back :(, I turned on notifications for his updates and always be the first who seen or like his post/stories... sometimes I react but still no response..... 

its been years since I’m using Tinder or any other dating apps. dozens of matches but zero who stay and continue to another level.

I’m so insecure, since I’m not openly gay/bi which I’m not ready and probably never be ready. some of Tinder guys asked me to meet up and do things they called “Fun”. I refused it. I don’t thats what I’m looking for.... 

I felt like wasting my time swiping people on Tinder, until I matched with someone who I think had something in common with me. he’s as confused as me about this feeling. he never done anything with a guy, he’s just curious, he has a girlfriend, he said “just let it flow”. 

he’s so gentle to me, very sweet, acting very straight, treat me like I’m a girl, he’s wise and very mature. 

he once told me that he’s afraid that he’ll fall in love with me, and get a comfortable in me. 

he scared that I will be the one who get hurt. ‘cause he had a girlfriend and our relationship will never be accepted in our society. which he’ll leave me one way or another. 

but I said, “its okay, let’s just enjoy this moments... just tell me when youre about to leave, I will leave you too,, I will support you no matter what, I’ll be your friends” 

do you think I am too stupid ? or am I so bad ? knowing that he has a girlfriend but I still having an affair ? 

Hello guys, 

welcome 2019, time flies so fast. 

I haven’t even do all my 2018 resolutions, haha... well 2018 has been a good but not too good and bad but not too bad year of me. 

nothing really progressing for me in 2018, either for my love life, my gay feeling, money, and more. I’ve experiencing about my gayness a lot (thanks to Grindr and Tinder). but still no one stays, only for one night stand or we usually call it “JFF” (ahaha Grindr dudes must know it) 

I actually want a date, with someone that can understand each other, someone who can discreetly dating. 

I tried many web sites and gay apps just to find a right person to date, but still dont get one. its complicated,,,,,

I am a discreet. . . I don’t know actually. I’m guy who love guys and girls.. its perhaps called a bisex.  I can’t coming out and tell everyone that I am bi, they may will think I am sick and need to be cure. they may will say I need to pray more often. ask forgiven to God.  beside I won’t disappoint my family. they are not type of open minded family. ‘cause we livin’ in the east.  I play with guys (or maybe called as Straight Act) and I do what they do like football, hiking, diving, etc. I used to date a girl and I truly loved her. but things changed.. I broke up and my curiosity of dating a man growing bigger. it’s like I need someone who can love me and take care of me and protect me.  I want someone who is missing me when I am not around  I want someone who always worry if I dont text back and immediately call me up.  I want someone who pick me up at night for dinner or movie that’s all so girly, aren’t they ?