i physically can’t shut up

welcome to the place where i crash out

something that i’ve learned while trying to manage my depression and suicidality is to add The Outdoors to whatever i’m dealing with. what i mean by that is, for example, mentally spiraling on my back porch and letting the sun hit me. scrolling while laying in the grass. opening the window and just staring out of it for hours and getting some fresh air. sitting outside and staring at the moon at night instead of staring at my ceiling. it gives me a bit of dissonance sometimes, because i feel like “oh i am Outside so i should be doing Outside Things”, but the fresh air and sunshine has done me a lot of good. it definitely hasn’t fixed anything for me, but i’ve noticed it tends to make my spiraling or freaking out last a shorter amount of time. i think the goodness of The Outside counteracts The Awfulness into a sort of neutrality. haven’t seen any long-term improvement yet but it has helped short-term. so if you can manage to drag yourself outside or at least open a window, it might help a lot.