Hey, hope you're doing great! I need a mixture of school and life advice. So these days more than ever I just feel worthless and constantly compare my achievements to my friend's achievements, I just constantly remind myself that I'm not good enough in terms of studies and my social life. I know I'm being unreasonable because I've been getting high test scores and if you'd pick out 4 of the strongest students in the class one of them would be me. I've started cutting and am just really sad
aw pal, that’s rough. first let me approach this from a psychology point of view; the experience of comparing yourself to others is known as upward social comparison theory. on one hand, this can be a good thing. you see others doing great things and you want to be more like that; it’s how you get role models. on the other hand, it’s why we see others getting accomplishments and you think that you aren’t at the same level as them, so you feel bad. this emotion is known as depression. now this is a normal human experience, but when this emotion becomes permanent, things can get… tough. but the fact that it’s a normal human emotion means that you are not alone. you yourself said that you get high test scores and you’re one of your class’ strongest students. those. are. achievements. every day you do amazing things but we easily brush over them because we in turn focus on the negatives. it’s tough to switch your mindset from negative to positive, it’s not something that can be done overnight, but it can be done. i myself have had my bouts with depression and just feeling like shit all the time, but it does get better. i promise you.
here’s some tips that i do every day that help me and will hopefully help you (they may sound corny, but trust me):
say out loud 10+ things that you are grateful for and that make you happy. ex: “i’m grateful for that dog. it’s really cute and it makes me happy.” “i’m grateful for the new buzzfeed unsolved video. they’re always really fascinating and spooky” “i’m grateful for tea. it’s delicious.”
any time that you find yourself comparing you to someone else in a negative way, remind yourself of something that you’re good at or that you really like about yourself. ex: “i have one of the top grades in my english class” “i have really good taste in music” “i can recite all of hamilton without missing a beat”
remember that the people you are comparing yourself to have felt the exact same way, and could be even feeling it right now. everyone compares themselves to others on the daily. it’s a really bad habit, but the reality is that we all do it.
know that it’s fine not to feel like you have a strong social life! while socializing is a good think to do and is healthy, it’s not like it’s required. do you know how many friends i have now in college that i actually text and hang out with? one. and even then we don’t hang out that much. you don’t need a big bustling social life! personally, i find not having a social life to be quite satisfying ☺️ (can you tell i’m an introvert?)
**trigger warning but if you self harm i’d recommend reading**
for self harm, i’ve also been there. it’s a touchy subject for a lot of people, but it can be good to talk about it and it’s especially good to get help. here’s some things that i have done that have really helped me and i would recommend trying:
wear a rubber band or hair tie on your wrist at all times. whenever you feel the urge to self harm, you snap that rubber band until you feel done. it satisfies the urge the same way and it’s much safer.
if you have a celebrity/band/singer/actor/youtuber that you love, write their name or draw their logo on your arm/wherever you self harm. i found it works better than a butterfly.
know that i am rooting for you. self harming is kinda like an addiction. and it’s tough to get out off all addictions, but you absolutely can do it. if you ever need to vent or need a pep talk, feel free to message me and i’ll be more than happy to listen.
some videos i’d recommend:
3 ways to stay positive when you feel depressed & anxious (she has a ton of videos on staying positive on her channel, i’d recommend them all)
getting stuck in the negatives (and how to get unstuck)
if you need a reason to smile
accepting anxiety - [part 1] [part 2] (this one’s kinda corny but i love it)
i leave you with a quote from a fellow classmate that i heard just the other day: “when you come out of a long depression, you will know and love yourself better than you ever have before”.
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