*JustBreathe*

I can do this. Breathe. It will be ok. Now breathe again. And again….

I don’t like you very much right now. You need to leave. Everything can NOT be about you. Get over yourself.

I can’t breathe anymore. Pulling myself together is an ongoing need. I’m in pain. Mentally and physically. I’m so sorry I don’t know how to get through this.

You have no idea. I didn’t tell you because when I wanted to you were too busy telling me everything wrong with me. Too busy telling me what I’m doing wrong. I’m sorry. I’m doing this alone. It’s hard. I’m sorry it’s not good enough for you. And I’m sorry you don’t know what I’m dealing with because you can’t listen for one minute.

Yes. I am still a big mess. Shocked? Oh. Me neither. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

So fucking emotionally unstable right now. I hate losing control. 😢

I need to move on. You have NO right to be upset or act anything other than completely happy for me when I do. You chose this. I tried this time.

Idk what I am doing. It’s all a mess. No matter what I do or how hard I try. A mess. Work, personal life. I ALWAYS make the wrong decisions. How do people do this? I’d like to get just ONE THING right. 🤦🏻‍♀️

This is ridiculous. You wanted me to say it, I did. You wanted me to pursue more, I am. Here I am. Just feeling like a big idiot trying to tell you let’s try this. The absolute most TERRIFYING thing EVER. Let’s do it. I’m in. I’m ALL IN. What about you?

Where will I go when the darkness settles in? To you? You, who can’t handle the “baggage”? No. There is no one. I will be alone in the dark. As I have been my entire life. Alone in the dark. Really alone in the light too. Light just attracts bugs. Things that feed off your light. They don’t help you stay in the light. Fuck it all. Let the darkness come. I’m not ready yet though. This isn’t over. I will fight alone if that’s what it takes.

Something is not right. It’s been four days of this. What is happening to me??? Waiting for an answer is a nightmare. Help.

There are so many things you don’t know about me. There are things you wouldn’t want to handle. You don’t know me. No one does. 💔

I’m not ready for this. Also; I’m not really sure I can handle it.

Wtf world? Just W. T. F. ?????? I’m so broken. Someone or something please help me. I need to sleep.

YOU asked me a valid question. And you put the ball in my court. I am just barely hesitating but I might be FINALLY making the choice. Maybe. There’s just no way to know what is right. I feel like it wouldn’t work. We aren’t into the same things, you don’t know everything....to this day something you said to me years ago is STILL at the forefront of my mind when lever we bring this up again - you said I had too much baggage for you. From the military, of all things. The PTSD? I already had that from other things. It sounded like you weren’t willing to “put up with” that. I have never known what to say to that. I just go back and forth. The feelings are there; no question. The attraction is there. I just have no idea how you are in a relationship. And you have no idea how I am either - yes I know you THINK you do, but you definitely don’t. We have a really weird, but not bad thing. If we try and it doesn’t work out we will lose that thing. Idk if I can handle that. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Still mad. That’s all.