Anticipation

1. Party Drunk:

will talk to anyone and everyone

only does shots

has to literally be dragged home at the end of the night because they refuse to acknowledge that the party has ended and they’re the only person still there

2. Blissful Drunk

does nothing but laugh

just happy to be included

too good for this world

loves you so much even though they just met you four minutes ago

probably also does acid

3. Emotional Drunk

not great at parties

is either crying tears of sorrow bc there’s no chips left or crying tears of gratitude bc someone showed them where the bathroom is

brings out everyone’s inner mother

4. Parent Drunk

keeps everyone’s shit together

everyone thinks they’re sober but they’ve actually had 5 shots in an hour

knows when u need to go home and will make sure you get there

holds back your hair when you’re vomiting at 3am

5. Slutty Drunk

never gets cold

makeup never smudges

never has to buy their own drinks

you think they’re sloppy and have no idea what they’re doing but every move is calculated and intentional

6. Sloppy Drunk

wasted by 10pm

needs to be taken home early

will drink anything you give them as long as there’s alcohol in it

a Mess

A. neurotypical people

B. white people

C. straight people

Vaginas are not fruit salad bars lmao it’s not supposed to excrete sweet fluids. A vagina is normally acidic. This changes based on pH balance. Sweating, diet, periods etc. are factors that can change the ph balance. So yea, though a healthy diet is good for your vagina, a vagina will never taste “sweet.” The ph balance just takes the vagina back to its normal acidic state.

me *internally*: because i have deeply rooted emotional issues and a debilitating fear that im not good enough for anything