Transfem killer ramble(?)
And my own trans experience too, i guess
I do think there something to say about the loss of autonomy with killer. Not only does this happen to them in their og timeline when the player gets involved, but it even continues after the dust settles, and (in canon) nightmare taking them in and using killer as a tool. As a toy. The dehumanizion killer goes through (both by others and self inflicted) and their desperation to cut off their emotions after the result of horrific trauma only contributes to their coping mechanism of trying to self suppress who they truly are.
And.. in a way, I've really related to that feeling. Deep down in Something New, if you read between the lines, and use some of your imagination, I really do think that killer in a way can be used as a trans allegory. This of course is through my own interpersons, my own rosey pink and baby blue glassesā but for years I've always felt this connection to killer. And, for a long time, it had to do with gender.
Trans people do not choose to be trans, but we do choose the labels we decide to use for ourselves. Labels are never nessesary, but they do carry weight and power. It communicates what we feel inside and puts it into neat little boxes for people to see and understand. Though coming to terms with your identity, or even finding a label you feel drawn to... it can be scary. Especially if you aren't in a position where you feel safe enough to explore this new part of yourself. Especially, after a long period of chaos and uncertainty and experiencing horrific traumaā it can feel downright Terrifying to have Another Thing for you to grapple with.
I think killer would've been trans in their story regardless of the trauma and awful things they've done and been throughā the idea of someone being able to still come out the other side and still being able to find themself is the type of story that's gotten me through my darkest days. It's a story that only lived in my head for a very long time, but one that meant a lot to me either way. The idea of killer being able to heal after everything and find herself again with the people she loves, it's an idea that resonates with me more than most.
I do think Killer would only really be able to start processing and exploring her gender during a self healing arc (be that after escaping nightmare if it's canonmare with color, with nms crew if it's the found family route, or even the castle polycule if it's that instead) because killer desperately tries to cut themselves off from their emotions after getting rid of their human and everything that happened to their timeline. ONLY once she was finally in a position where things were finally safe, no longer in a constant state of fight or flight and fear, would she finally be able to actually start exploring herself and transition.
I think this also works for killer being transmasc or even transneuteral, but I lowkey prefer the transfem iteration as 1. I see so many transmasc hcs in the fandom but rarely transfem ones (which is fine, but I do like to try and diversify a bit with my own personal ideas) and 2. I heavily love/relate to killer, and it feels nice to explore my own experiences with being trans & desire for feminine expression with them :,)
Feel free to disagree with me, but that is my take. (Please also don't tag/comment with "yes but i hc them as...") I do know that "canon" killer isn't transfem but rahaf has said that any and all interpretations are canon and this is probably my favorite interpretation. I'll also add on that not every iteration of killer I think about fits this post (I have a few oc versions of killer who are both transfem, and some who are men, or even nonbinary/gender questioning) but... yknow. This post isn't about those versions of killer.
Tldr I love transfem killer sans and you should too āļøš that's all I have for now tho aaaghhnnh
