Hello! I’m Bailey (or B or Bay) and welcome to my blog!
I’m a 27-year-old, 5th grade teacher, with Rheumatoid Arthritis (as well as a few other things). Writing is my safe space, my coping mechanism.
I really do try to create a safe place for as many people as possible. Please try to do the same for me.
My asks and dms are always open for whatever people may need.
Please reach out if you have any questions.
Likes, comments, reblogs, asks, and dms are always welcome!
(You can find me also on Wattpad and AO3 under the same username. Though, I will warn you that not every one of my works are on the other two sites. Every one of my works can be found here on Tumblr.)
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I want to apologize because I don’t know if I’m going to be able to come back to writing like I want to.
Without being too specific: My life is blowing up and something is happening with my dad that is destroying my mom, me and my sisters. My sisters and I have essentially become my dad’s caregivers. I am only up with my parents for the summer as I am a teacher and they need my help. But it is hell and I am breaking.
I am getting help, or trying to, to help me personally deal with everything that is happening. But it is hard.
Writing used to be how I cooped with this like this and now I can’t put sentences on a page.
I am so sorry.
Please forgive me and I hope that one day I’ll be able to finish the stories.
Summary: The school year is over and you're struggling with it.
Warning(s): mental health problems, self esteem problems
Notes: This is very personal as this is how I'm feeling right now, except I have no one like Logan to help me.
Looking around your classroom, you sighed. It was all packed up for the summer. You were exhausted and ready for summer, as you always were when May came around. But there was something different about this year, something small, already festering in your heart and mind. After another sweep over your classroom, you grabbed your bag, turned off the light, and stepped into the hallway. The hallway was quiet— only a few teachers and students who stayed at the school over summer could be heard. You weren’t one of those as you had a small apartment about 30 minutes away from the school. Since you were tired and just wanted a nap, you tried to sneak out to the garage without getting caught. You made it there, only for Logan Howlett to be leaning against your car with his arms crossed and an unsurprised look.
You let out an annoyed sigh. “I really don’t have the energy for this, Logan. I’m exhausted.”
“Yeah, figured as much,” he muttered, straightening up. “That’s why I’m here to take you home.”
“I can drive myself.”
“Too dangerous with how tired you are, sweetheart.”
“Logan…”
“Y/N…”
“If you were to drive me, how would you get back here?”
“Walk.”
“You cannot be serious. You cannot just walk back here.”
Logan shrugged. “I’ve done worse.”
“No,” you shook your head. “I can drive myself home. Thank you for the offer.”
He studied you like he wanted to continue fighting, but chose not to. “Text me when you get home.”
You rolled your eyes as you walked around him to get into your car.
Logan gently grabbed your arm. “I’m serious. Text me.”
You nodded. “As soon as I walk through the door.”
He took a second before letting go and stepping back from the car. You finally got in the car, started it, and began driving away. You glanced in the rearview mirror, noting how Logan was watching as you drove away. As soon as you got home, you practically collapsed on the couch. Before falling asleep though, you let Logan know you got home.
~~~
The next few days of being completely alone were perfect. You got to sleep in, take naps, shower when you wanted to, as well as eat and use the restroom when you wanted to. All the perks of a teacher being off for the summer. You cleaned and did laundry and began making a list of things you could do to prepare for the next school year when you finally felt like it. But after almost a week, something began to happen that had never happened before. Your mental health was slipping. Thankfully, you could tell at first. So about a week and a half after school ended, you headed back to the mansion to see if anyone was available for lunch or just a chat. When you arrived at the mansion, you immediately noticed how quiet it was. You stepped in and began looking around for either Storm, Jean, or Logan. You couldn’t find any of them. Eventually, you ran into a student who told you that everyone was out for a government meeting the Professor wanted the X-Men to attend with him.
Instead of going straight home, you decided to go to your classroom and work on planning for the next school year. You stayed there for far too long, trying to distract your struggling mind. By the time you decided to head home, the jet was landing. You paused to watch everyone exit the jet like things had gone well at the meeting. Logan did a double take in your direction when he felt eyes on the jet. He was confused as he didn’t expect to see you.
“Y/N!” He called, jogging over.
“Hey, Logan,” you greeted, trying to act natural.
“What— uh, where are you going?”
“Home. I was just here to get a few things ready for next school year.”
Logan chuckled. “Already? We’ve barely been out.”
“Yeah… well… I don’t have much else to do.”
“I’m sure you have friends that you could catch up with.”
You shook your head. “I only have you guys here,” you motioned to the mansion.
Logan’s brows pinched in concern. “Y/N–”
“It’s no big deal though. You are all busy with X-Men stuff. I’m just the only human teacher at an all mutant school. I should have a life outside of here.”
“Y/N–” Logan tried again, stepping closer to you. But you were too far in your spiral.
“I’m only 28 and should have friends outside of work. But how do you even make friends anymore? And how do you get people to like you? To want to spend time with you or date you or talk to you?” Your breath was now coming unevenly with tears pricking your eyes. “What do I need to change to be likeable? I don’t even need to be lovable. I just need people to like to be around me occasionally. I need—”
“Y/N.” Logan grabbed your shoulders, stopping your rambling.
“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!”
“Hey, hey, hey,” his hands slid from your shoulders up your neck to gently hold your head.
“I shouldn’t have spilled everything like that. I’m so sorry. I need to go.”
“No, darlin’, I think you need to stay here.”
You shook your head from his grip and stepped away. “No, I really need to go home.”
“Y/N, listen to me. I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”
“Just forget I said anything, Logan. I’ll— I’ll see you later.”
You rushed to your car and sped up, leaving Logan standing there deeply concerned. Jean and Storm came up from behind Logan.
“What was that about?” Jean wondered.
“Y/N is not okay,” Logan replied, eyes still focused on where you drove off.
“What’s going on?” asked Storm.
“She doesn’t have anybody besides us. And she thinks she isn’t likable enough to be around.”
“That’s not true.”
“I’ve got to go to her apartment.” Logan turned to go to his bike, only to be stopped by Jean.
“Wait, Logan,” she said. “You can’t just show up. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”
He tore his arm from Jean’s grip. “Y/N’s clearly not okay. And I’m not letting her believe that she’s alone.”
“Be smart about this, Logan,” Storm advised. “You can’t let your feelings for Y/N get in the way of what’s going on with her.”
“Feelings? I don’t—”
“The only one at the mansion who doesn't know you have feelings for Y/N is Y/N. That’s how obvious you are. If you go in there the wrong way—”
“I am worried about her ‘Ro! End of story. She is not okay! So I’m goin’ over to her apartment to make sure she realizes she’s not alone. Ain’t nothing else about it.”
~~~
You cried the entire way home, embarrassed by your spiral in front of Logan and the emotions you were already feeling. You were shaking as you struggled to enter your apartment and immediately collapsed on the couch when you got there. You curled up and continued crying. You were so lonely— really no friends besides coworkers who all had lives of their own that you don’t believe you fit in. You don’t know how much time passed before you heard a strong knock on the door that made you flinch.
“Y/N?” Logan’s voice filtered through the door. “Open up.”
You squeezed your eyes closed and curled up impossibly tighter.
“I know you’re in there… I can smell the tears.”
“I’m f-fine!” You croaked, clearly not sounding fine.
“I don’t believe you. If you don’t open up, I’m coming in.”
You grabbed a nearby blanket and pulled it over your entire body, hiding underneath it.
Logan put his hand on the doorknob and turned it. He closed his eyes as he tried to bury his own worries when he realized the door was unlocked. Those types of safety concerns couldn’t be on the top of his list right now, he had to focus on your mental state. “I’m coming in,” he stated. He waited a moment to see if you’d respond and when you didn’t, he slipped into your apartment. His eyes immediately scanned the small living area to find you hiding under a blanket on the couch, heart breaking at the sight. He toed off his boots before slowly coming over to the couch and crouching down near your head.
“Sweetheart…” he rasped.
“Go away, Logan,” you muttered from underneath the blanket.
“Yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna.”
“I’m fine.”
“Sure coulda fooled me.”
You didn’t respond.
Logan sighed. “I’m just worried about you.”
“You don’t need to be.”
“Really? Because from what you told me, it seems you think you’re alone and unlikeable. Last time I checked, I was the alone and unlikeable one.”
You tossed the blanket off as you swiftly sat up. “You don’t own the rights to loneliness, Logan!” You jumped off the couch.
But before you could get anywhere, Logan gently grabbed your wrist. “I’m not lettin’ you run away again, darlin’. I’m staying until you decide to be honest.”
You closed your eyes, trying to bury your emotions though failing terribly. You finally let out a sob, causing Logan to quickly gather you into him. You willingly turned and hid your face into his neck. The sobs wracked your body quickly. Logan held you close, trying to keep your body as still as he could. Slowly, he moved to sit down on the couch, making sure you ended up curled in his lap.
“I’m just so lon–lonely,” you cried.
“I know, sweetheart,” Logan whispered. “I’m here now.”
“Everyone has obligations after work and I’m… I’m just me. I’m just a human who can’t even make human friends. I hang out with all of you while school’s in session but when classes end, you all have missions and meetings and I just have here. And I’ve really tried to make friends outside of the school. I promise, I really have. But people don’t like me. I’m not the most attractive or the most funny. I’m just a teacher. I’m just me… and it’s never enough.”
“That’s not true.”
You pushed away from Logan’s chest, sitting up. “But it is! I can’t even get a date. I’m not what guys want. I’m not who people want as a friend apparently.”
“Sweetheart,” Logan’s hands moved to cup your face. “All of those people who don’t give you a chance, are idiots.”
“But—”
“But nothing, darlin’. You are amazing. Everyone at school loves you— students and staff members. If you would just ask, any of us would drop everything to spend time with you.”
“That’s a whole another issue… No one invites me to anything… I’m always the one setting things up, so I’ve just stopped to see if people reach out to me… and no one does. So I don’t do anything because no one puts any effort in besides me.”
Logan’s eyes closed as he tried to manage his own heartbreak at your words, especially when he knew there was truth to your words.
You took his silence wrong and scrambled to get off his lap. “I’m sorry. I said too much. Just forget everything I said. I—”
His eyes snapped open as his arms quickly kept you close. “No, stop that. You should not be apologizing. Everyone else should be. I should be.”
You turned your head away, keeping your eyes down.
“I am sorry that no one treats you the way you deserve to be treated. You deserve to be treated with the love you so freely give out. You deserve friends and love and happiness and to not feel like you’re drowning in loneliness. So I’m here and I’m staying and I’m goin’ show you that you are not actually alone, even though it feels that way.”
“I don’t know if I can believe you…”
“That’s okay. I’m not leavin’ ‘til you do.”
You gave him a questioning look. “You’ll live here with me?”
He chuckled. “Okay, I mean that I’ll show you ‘til you believe it. I’ll text and call–”
“You? Logan Howlett? Text and call?”
“For you, I’ll do anything.”
You inhaled sharply, sensing the deeper meaning behind his words. You met his gaze, seeing how serious he was through his eyes.
“Movie nights,” he continued. “At least once a week, here or at the school. Just you and me or whoever else you want. Pizza, popcorn, whatever.”
“You’re serious.”
“Deadly.”
“...Are you just doing this to make me feel better?”
“Yes.”
“Then I—”
“And no. You deserve to know you’re likeable and that you’re not as lonely as you believe you are.”
“It’s going to take me a while to believe that.”
“That’s okay. I’ve got all the time in the world.”
My latex allergy used to just be if it touched my skin I would get red, swollen, itchy, hives or/and my skin would peel off.
Now I can't even be in the same room as latex balloons. Even just the smell of latex sets my skin off.
Which is a problem when every type of party (bachorlette, bridal shower, birthday, graduation, etc) are full of latex balloons. Why are balloon arches such a big thing?
I don't usually tell people about the allergy because I don't feel the need for everyone changing their plans around me. Though, I will say, most of my extended family do know and I understand why they don't remember all the time. I get it.
But it's sad when you can't actually attend anything. My weekends for the last two months have been parties that I show up to and have to leave because of the latex. It's just starting to weigh me down.
I just feel so lonely.
And, trust me, I've done the research and talked to doctors. There's nothing I can do about this allergy and unfortunately, it's getting worse as I get older.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Yeah, I know, surprise! Doesn't mean I'll put full chapters soon. But, the more interactions, the sooner things will come out.
Please send your thoughts, ideas, etc!
~~~
PETALS & CLAWS ~ 19
Logan woke up first. He was one his side, hand already moving to search for you before his eyes fully opened. Unable to find you within reach, Logan’s eyes snapped open. He immediately found you curled a few feet away on a bed of leaves. There were no signs of restraints. Just you and him, in the middle of some woods. Logan sat up slowly, scanning the area some more— only to find no signs of human life nearby. Not even Eli. The memories of the facility sat in his mind, but when he reached for the exact location, the details slipped away. He knew it had happened— your pain, the chains, the room like cell— but the location was gone.
Shaking his head, Logan pushed that problem to the side. He stood and hurried over to you— pulling you up, into his hold. Your breathing was steadier than it had been ever in the facility. Logan was grateful for that, knowing full well that much of it had to do with the woods around the two of you. He leaned down, brushing his forehead against yours.
“You’re alive,” he whispered, more to comfort himself than anything. “You made it out… You’re here.”
Your eyelids fluttered, brow knitting for a second like you expected bright lights and cold steel. Instead you saw the sky through branches and Logan’s face hovering near yours. Your hands lifted automatically.
~~~
NOT ACTUALLY ALONE ~ LOGAN HOWLETT X TEACHER!F!READER
The next few days of being completely alone were perfect. You got to sleep in, take naps, shower when you wanted to, as well as eat and use the restroom when you wanted to. All the perks of a teacher being off for the summer. You cleaned and did laundry and began making a list of things you could do to prepare for the next school year when you finally felt like it. But after almost a week, something began to happen that had never happened before. Your mental health was slipping. Thankfully, you could tell at first. So about a week and a half after school ended, you headed back to the mansion to see if anyone was available for lunch or just a chat. When you arrived at the mansion, you immediately noticed how quiet it was. You stepped in and began looking around for either Storm, Jean, or Logan. You couldn’t find any of them. Eventually, you ran into a student who told you that everyone was out for a government meeting the Professor wanted the X-Men to attend with him.
~~~
IRON CLAWS & THEIR GIRLS ~ 6
Before you could bolt, Logan closed the distance. He didn’t rip Lillie from your arms— he scooped you up, daughter and all.
“Put me down!” You struggled, a fist pounding against his chest, thrashing in panic. “Logan, let me go!”
“Not a chance.” His grip was iron, unshaken by your blows. “You’re spiralin’, darlin’. I ain’t lettin’ you do it in front of her like this.”
Lillie was sobbing now, caught between you and the storm of fear in your chest. Logan carried you both down the hall, ignoring your kicking and pleas. He shouldered into an empty sitting room and shut the door with his boot. He set you on your feet before finally easing Lillie from your arms and setting her gently on the couch. Then he turned back to you. You were still trembling, still trying to push away, but his hands anchored firmly on your shoulders.
“Breathe,” he ordered. “Right here, right now. Breathe.”
“I can’t,” you choked out, your knees buckling. “She’s all I have— and he’ll take her! And you’ll take her! And she won’t need me anymore!”
Logan crouched so you had no choice but to meet his gaze. “She’ll never stop needin’ you. But if you keep runnin’ from everyone else, you’re gonna lose yourself. And she’ll lose both her mama and her family. Is that what you want?”
~~~
LOVE THAT LASTS ~ PART 3
The day moved too slowly and too fast at the same time. You woke up before your alarm, stared at the ceiling, and immediately regretted checking the time. Twelve hours until seven. You rolled onto your side, closed your eyes, and tried to convince yourself this was just dinner. Just a date. A normal, ordinary thing people did every day without overthinking it. You lasted three minutes before grabbing your phone to check if Logan had messaged you. There were no new messages. You set it down and immediately picked it back up, scrolling through nothing. Your apartment suddenly felt unfamiliar— like you’d never had to get ready for something that wasn’t work or groceries or sleep. You opened your closet, then closed it, and then opened it again.
By noon, your bed looked like a clothing store had exploded on it. By three, you’d changed your mind thirteen times. By five, you were pacing with a cup of coffee you’d forgotten to drink. It wasn’t even about the outfit, it’s that this would be the first planned— intentional— time you and Logan would be spending together.
Across town, Logan had been awake since dawn. He’d gone for a run he didn’t need. He showered twice, then stared at his closet like it had personally offended him. The leather jacket was easy and familiar, even the jean jacket. The rest wasn’t. He pulled out one shirt, then another, and another before putting them all back.
“You’re nervous,” Rogue announced from the doorway without knocking.
“I ain’t.”
“You’ve pulled out the same shirt and hung it up five times.”
He glanced down. He was holding the same navy shirt.
She grinned. “You’re adorable when you're nervous.”
~~~
FROM NOW ON
I don't have any of the next chapter written. But I decided that this series will "end" after Iron Man 2. If I feel like continuing it on later, I'll make sure to end it on an ending that could work with continuing it on.
Hey! Just wanted to say that I absolutely love your work, and seeing you with very little interaction from other people is unbelievable. I hope you get more interactions on your work and feel more confident. 💝💝
Sometimes I really hate the internet because I feel like I’m not allowed to enjoy the things I love anymore.
Like my religion or Marvel or Disney or anything else.
Why can’t we let people enjoy things without putting everyone down?
Why can’t we let people have their own opinions?
I’m allowed to be excited for Doomsday, while others are not. I can be excited without putting people down for not being excited.
I’m allowed to believe in God while others don’t. And I don’t have to shame people for not because everyone’s beliefs are allowed to look different.
I’m allowed to love going to the Disney parks and understand I am privileged to go, while others don’t like it or struggle to get there. But I don’t have to be put down because I can afford it. I wish it was more affordable for everyone, trust me.
I can respect you and your opinions and your situations.
But why can’t I get the same respect?
(Sorry, I’m just done with all the negative and wish that I could find more positive people to follow on different social medias.)
To be honest, I have not been doing well in real life and I have let the lack of interactions on my fics get to me. So I stopped posting.
I will say that I'm getting hyped for Avengers Doomsday, and it's helping me get back some of my love for writing fanfiction.
I'm hoping that I can get back to writing slowly as I understand I do have many people waiting for me to update series. I have definitely started too many series and need to get to work on finishing them. If anyone has any thoughts, hopes, or ideas for any of the series, I would love to hear them!
I hope that everyone is okay. Please know I'm here if you need anything.
(Interactions = reblogs, comments, asks. Likes are not considered interactions to me.)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Hi! Sorry if this comes off para-social or weird. Just wanted to say that your writing really helped me get through a long rough patch in my life. The only escapism I really had was through fanfiction, specifically Logan fics.
Without getting into detail I was struggling in so many departments of life and reading your work was some of the only moments I felt any kind of joy. I also thought it was cool that we seem to be the same age and have the same interest. I know we don’t know each other and I don’t want to be presumptuous. I just felt less alone knowing someone else was out there.
I recently got good news and I am finally moving forward in life and it made me think of you and your work. So I just wanted to say thank you so much for creating and posting. I don’t expect a reply or anything to this. I’m too shy to not send this anonymously. I just wanted to express how grateful I am. I hope you’re doing well too. 💗💗💗
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this ❤️
For the last while, I have struggled to fully commit to posting because I haven't been getting interactions like I used to. I didn't know if people were truly enjoying my work at all.
This was everything I needed to hear.
I am so glad that my fics helped you in any way. That is always my hope that anything I post can at least help one person through something.
I am so glad that you are moving forward in life! That is so great! Thank you so much for reading my work! And please reach out if you ever need to talk.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
