I’m sorry I ghosted you. I never planned on it or ever dreamed I would’ve done what I did to you all. Honestly, if you would’ve told me this is how DB would’ve ended I prob would’ve slapped you. It was one of those things where the longer I went, the more scared I got to say something. Then I just thought I’d slowly become irrelevant and you all would move on anyway. But, it wasn’t right. I’ve written this post in my head a million times. My tummy hurts. I feel truly awful thinking of those of you who cared for me, and counted on me and I let you down. I made you worry for me and that is completely fucked up. I should’ve at least checked in.
So…everything is good with me. Just want to get that out of the way. My sweet daughter is almost a year and a half. She is an angel. She talks a lot. She says “please” and “thank you” without being told. She loves to snuggle. She loves animals, specifically cats (nee-nees) and dogs (woof woofs). She loves almost every food. She is also super bratty and loves the word “no.” I know everyone thinks their child is smart, but this girl is a genius. Not kidding.
NYG and I are great and happy. We recently celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary. We’ve moved to a bigger house that we love. He works very hard but comes home and only wants to play with Baby and help me out, he’s never once asked to just be left alone or wanted to rest. He is a saint. I am still staying home with baby. It is VERY challenging. I don’t have any help during the day. By Thursday I have lost my mind, pretty much every week.
Puppy and Kitty are as sweet as ever. They center me. Baby loves them both and gives them constant hugs. I have been volunteering with a pet rescue. We have a foster cat, currently.
I still struggle. I get depressed, I get anxious. I still have high highs and low lows. I try to hide it from Baby but she always notices and comforts me by repeatedly saying “Hi, momma” and hugging me. I worry that I’m damaging her. But I also know already that she is an empathetic and loving person. Most of the time, I’m good though. I’m a good mom. I know this.
I don’t feel like DB anymore, though. Not just because my life is hardly ever sexy or wild anymore, but I’m just in a different space mentally. This blog feels like an entirely different lifetime. Every part of my past always feels like a past life to me for some reason though. I don’t feel like I have anything to offer you anymore. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that DB is gone. I miss her too. Truly.
So, I found out about the Tumblr ban on the news and my heart sank. It feels like the apocalypse is coming on here. I have made peace with not being DB anymore (mostly), but I didn’t have a plan as to what I would do with the actual content. To think of it all just being deleted hurts. Just…gone??? My diary for like 5 years? These were some of the most exciting years of my life. What about the community? All of you?? Because anyone who has been around for awhile knows this blog is way more than just me. We created a safe space, that we all needed. Thousands of questions answered, moments shared. And so much cum. What about all the cum???
I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I thought I moved on but I’m still so sad thinking of DB being gone. I’m so sorry, Berdies. I really really am.
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