Turtle Pace

But I don’t.

I sit and stare at this phone that doesn’t ring.

Inhaling another cigarette as if there’s no worry in my mind.

That you would understand just how deeply,

Music affects me.

So when THAT is the song you chose to play.

It should be no surprise,

That here I sit, making choices I’ll soon regret.

Under the stars, beer in one hand

A cigarette in the other

Trying to keep my heart from breaking in two,

And my mind to understand

My heart still,

After all this time,

Skips a beat,

Every single time,

A waterfall of ideas,

I am a lot,

Challenging and at times a bit headstrong,

Easy breezy, I enjoy the simple life,

With a mind full of wonder,

I am usually full of words,

If you only knew the things I keep inside,

Terror and torment plague my soul,

Yet I always, find the time,

To brandish a smile, when complimenting a stranger.

Don’t ask, and I won’t tell.

The things I hold inside,

Stay awhile instead, tell me your problems,

Tell me your happiness,

Let your dreams take me away

Be my peace,

I can’t keep doing this, toxic repetitive behavior,

Over and over, here we go again,

I miss the way things were, but not you.

The way my heart felt, the smile my face wore with pride,

I miss the memories, of feeling cherished and loved,

But not you.

I just want to feel the way we made each other feel,

My heart skips a beat.

It’s been far too long since I last heard your voice,

Things will never be what I had hoped for back then,

But every time I see your name pop up on my phone,

I fall in love all over again.

You asked me why, once long ago.

Why what?

Why do you love me?

A loaded question with a hair pin answer,

You walked away.

I know why now, and now it does not matter.

But I will always love you, because of the way my heart smiles when your name crosses my mind.

For the way I feel when we have a conversation.

Someone so scared cares about how I’m doing after all this time,

Someone that has changed same as I,

Cares to keep in touch, even if from afar.

That my heart has suffered in turmoil

It’s been so long, that the smile on my face

Fades shortly after it sparks,

It’s been so long now,

Since the last time I truly felt okay,

It’s been so long…

Tonight was 1 of the good ones.

I haven’t laughed so hard my cheeks hurt in idk how long. But it’s been awhile.

I stepped out of my comfort zone and wore some *tight-ish” pants.

We laughed, they sang and danced.

Football in the parking lot after.

All around 10/10 would do it again.

I search for the words, but you’re so far away.

The radios gone silent, there’s no more music to play.

I had hoped you would change,

And that somehow I could too.

And maybe that’s why it cuts so deep,

That she gets everything I longed for in you.

Now that it’s all said and done,

I still can’t believe you weren’t the one.

And now my heart breaks,

Every single time I see your face.

For I can no longer find solace in your embrace.

I miss you so much,

Though you’re only six feet away,

Times like these,

I truly wonder if I will ever feel,