Juliane Nguyen

-

It was at the tip of his tongue, that other option. That very thing feeding into the hypocrisy of his thoughts. His want to protect Juli and not— “I have a sister,” there he had said it, and had Ian been anyone else, perhaps he would have felt relief. But as it stood then he didn’t. Not truly. For despite finally speaking that truth to someone other than his mother, and the ceiling of his apartment, the boy didn’t truly feel like he had gained something from it.

Ian trusted Juli. He did. There were no thoughts that she would go out and share such news, and yet there he sat in that pregnant silence still. Unsure where to go from there, but knowing he was supposed to speak. “Half-sister.” He added, voice quiet, and eyes failing to move from the water that stretched out before him. He couldn’t say that she was the only option–that either of them were, for deep down Ian knew what sat behind door number three. What would happen if they didn’t find a donor—if he chose not to look.

-

Juli’s eyes widened at the news, a mixture of hope and surprise stirring inside of her. Yet, she didn’t want to convey all those emotions outright. She knew Ian had a reason for keeping it a secret all these years and she almost felt bad coercing the information out of him on her terms. 

In the next few moments of silence, Juli thought very long about what to say next. This was good news, but looking at Ian, she worried what is actually going on in his head. “The odds are better, right? More prospects to find someone.” Juli extended her hands, reaching out to Ian’s and squeezing it gently. “But if you don’t feel comfortable reaching out to her, I’m here. I think I’m still a viable option. I’ll get my tests scheduled tomorrow and we can figure this out. It’s my choice and my mind is made up.” She said stubbornly.

-

            While Warren hadn’t really meant to comment on his observations of Juli’s… thoughts about Lip, it was something he’d picked up on during his limited time with the both of them, and from observing them from afar. It was hard to think about their relationship, and how it must have changed in the absence of himself and Juli’s brother, Jona. Only one of these absences was intentional. His own.

                                    Leave it to Juli, though, to distract him and divert his attention elsewhere. It would take little convincing for him to think about the very person he was mentioning, all but by name, but it would take far more coaxing to put words to his feelings. “Oh Jules, I dunno. A marriage is kind of a two-way street, and I am fairly certain she does not trust me as far as she could throw me right about now. And I can’t say that I blame her…” He trailed off then, falling silent for a moment before pressing on with his final conclusion. “But… if there was anyone I’d do any of this,” he paused to wave his hand around, as a gesture to their surroundings, “with, it’s her.” 

-

Juli tried her best to put a face to the mystery woman, but she wasn’t too aware of Warren’s love life. The only two people she’d ever witnessed him with was Sutton and Arya. While Warren spoke, Juli wondered if it was one of the two women or maybe... Could he have met someone while he was... dead? 

“Why wouldn’t she trust you?” Juli asked, trying to probe an answer to calm her curiosities. So far, everything warren had said only made her more curious. She had never witnessed Warren act this way before, so Juli figured maybe it was another woman. “Does she know you feel that way?” She asked, raising a brow. “This whole thing... It sounds very romantic... Maybe enough to move a woman’s heart.”

-

It was almost instant, that feeling that he had done something wrong. The tears that had found Juli’s eyes proof that such an instinct had been real. Just. Ian’s hand ran through the thickness of his curls then, nails biting against his scalp in his frustration, for in so many ways he didn’t truly understand. Couldn’t comprehend what exactly was going on. Not truly. For although he knew that bringing up his health would have brought concern and attempts to help—he hadn’t realized the thoughts Juli had been all but suffocating under. Notions of death and loss, all but lost to the boy that cared little about either. Unable to see how—beyond his absence and the pain that would follow—how much his not being there mattered.

He wanted to reach for her as she spoke. As that waver could be heard just beyond those words. A frame punctuating his earlier thoughts. Yes, he had made a mistake. A rather large one. That urge to touch her—to even hug his friend. Only grew, yet he would not be able to make good on such a want, for Juli was standing then. Green hues watched as she moved, as she made those declarations. Those threats.

“We lose everyone,” he started, the words that followed less blunt then the first—his frustration still present yet not aimed at her. Never her. “But you’re not going to lose me yet.” Ian meant those words, for they held a determination he knew he would need to have. Had exhibited since childhood—the memory of a promise made swam behind his eyes. His teary-eyed mother though replaced in that moment with his wife.  He looked at her then, indicating with his gaze that she should sit. Wanting her too.

After a long moment of silence—after waiting to see if she would stay, Ian’s lips would eventually part to speak. “There’s no guarantee that it’ll even work…” he trailed off, surrendering to her want to talk about it.

Juli’s chest began to ache. It felt like her heart had broken into a million pieces. “We lose everyone,” echoed in her mind in a loop that never ended... even after Ian began to speak again. Tears had now blurred her vision, no matter how hard she tried to push them away. Wiping her tears, Juli noticed Ian’s invitation to sit again. Even without words, it seemed that the the pair had build their own language in silence. It was slightly comforting to know that Ian didn’t want her to leave, but she decided it was her turn to be stubborn now. She stood her ground, not wavering, not moving an inch.

After a long silent battle, Juli almost caved. She began to wonder why she’s wasting her time fighting when she could be making an appointment to get tested. She was so close to begging Ian to let her help, but instead Ian spoke. When he did, Juli felt a moment of relief and slowly took her seat next to him. “But what if it does.” She coutnered, this time, catching his gaze. “What other options are there?”

How did she figure it out? It was hard to explain – she wasn’t sure if there was an exact moment that the butterflies decided to fly around her stomach. “Um… I don’t know. I just started getting all these butterflies whenever I was near them. Found it really hard not to look at them when they weren’t looking. And um, just found myself wanting to talk to them. Like all the time. Which I don’t want to seem like annoying or clingy or anything so I try not to do that. But doesn’t stop me from feeling it anyway.” Juli was her best friend, but they had been relatively on the same road of life when it came to romance. Layla had diverted for a moment there in high school, but after that failed attempt at romance, she was just as clueless as Juli was. But there was some comfort in venting to Juli at least. It helped her cope with these feelings she had, without feeling crazy for having them. She shook her head at Juli’s question. “No, we haven’t talked…” Layla frowned slightly. “I could… yeah, yeah I’ll text them.” She nodded, even though her anxiety shot through the roof at the idea of reaching out to them. But if they said yes to hanging out… maybe that was a good sign? “If they do come over, I could try to um… bring it up. The wedding, I mean. It’s just –” She sighed, breath shaky as she exhaled. “It’s scary, you know? Cuz we’ve been really great as friends. I mean, I feel like I’m gonna pass out every time they compliment me but besides that. I just don’t wanna make anything awkward.”

-

Juli stood up from the couch at Layla’s motion to action. “I’ll get us some ice cream while we wait for them to reply.” Quickly, Juli walked over to the kitchen, while she listened to Layla speaking from the couch. She grabbed a tub of ice cream along with two large spoons. When she made her way back to the couch, she handed a spoon to Layla. “It’s totally scary.” Juli said softly as she began to contemplate on her unusual feelings towards Lip... “You think things would be awkward if you confessed?” Juli asked. Her situation beginning to feel like a parallel to Layla’s. In an instant, she began to feel not as confident as she initially thought. Juli tried her best to hide her anxiety. Things are different between Layla and Riley. The way they were dancing at the wedding, they made it look like there was no one else in the room... That had to count for something, right? “I mean... they don’t seem like the type of person to shy away from feelings?”

𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: Sugar Daddy  𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄: 2pm October 31st  𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃: @julianewin​

         ❝ 𝐎𝐊𝐀𝐘 𝐈 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐙𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒. ❞ The platter she held was visual proof of that –– she’d gotten herself vegan versions of certain treats, and the rest for Juli. It’s on me, she’d insisted, already whipping out her credit card. A packed box was saved for the other staff back at Penny’s. Picking up a vegan version of the Brownie Bat Truffles, Lyric took a small bite. Immediately both her brows lifted with surprise. Behind her hand, she said, ❝ These are so good! You gotta try ‘em! ❞ Setting the rest of it down, she wiped away a few moist crumbs. ❝ Wow –– that was definitely worth the wait of ordering. Did you see that line? People from all over town must have come for these! ❞

-

There’s no such thing as a perfect boy, but there were plenty of perfect desserts to make her happy. “There’s no such thing as going crazy when it comes to Sugar Daddy. Everything here is amazing it’s so difficult to choose just one.” The sweet smell of the bakery was enough to put a huge grin on Juli’s face.  Luckily for her, the line began to get even longer after they reached the counter. “We came at just the right time! I didn’t think there would be enough by the time we got to the register.” 

-

Layla picked up her fork and playfully pointed it at Juli. “You’re damn right we look amazing. Especially you – who knew you could rock blonde locks? I mean, I did of course, but no one else did! Now look at you!” If only she could feel this comfortably complimenting people who weren’t her best friend. “If I become a super famous screenwriter in the next couple months, I will be writing a Clueless reboot and it’ll star us. We can still pass for fifteen. Well, Hollywood’s standard for fifteen anyway.” Meaning grown adults being passed off as children. Classic Hollywood. “I know you’re super bummed about… what happened. But, you deserve someone who treats you like the queen you are. Well, the Cher you are, in this case. A nice young Paul Rudd. We all deserve that, actually,” she chuckled. While she was never Lip’s biggest fan – even less now with this whole situation – she would always suck it up if that meant Juli was happy. But now she wasn’t happy, and she wished some preferably dressed exactly like Prince Charming today would randomly come in and sweep her best friend off her feet so she would forget all about Lip.

“There’s so much stuff to do today I don’t even know where to start. Nora’s gonna have some super cute Halloween stuff at the bakery, maybe after we stuff our faces here we can keep stuffing our faces over there. Or pet some piggies at the Everly farm since I can’t pet the doggies at Penny’s unless I want to die of an asthma attack.” When she heard that Penny’s was having a pet costume contest, Layla wanted to cry knowing she couldn’t be near the dogs that would likely participate. Of all allergies to have, why did it have to be dogs? Why couldn’t it be something she didn’t want to pet all the time, like an iguana? 

-

A genuine smile tugged at the corners of Juli’s lip. If it weren’t for Layla, the past few months would have been even more unbearable. She couldn’t help but feel so loved and cared for. “You are the queen of production. I don’t think I would have pulled any of this off if it weren’t for you. But also, you look damn amazing yourself!” She hyped Layla in return. “I’d totally love that, but would people be alright with an Asian Cher?” Juli laughed at Layla’s comments of Classic Hollywood. “With your genes and if we do it right, we can look young forever.”

Juli’s smile faded slowly into a forced smile at the mention of the current drama in her life. No matter how she looks at the situation, she couldn’t blame Lip for the strain in their relationship. It was just unfortunate timing that Juli started to realize her feelings, one that wasn’t reciprocated. It was just too embarrassing to deal with it so Juli decided to pull away. Then before she knew it, Lip and her barely spoke and she was packing her boxes to move to Layla’s apartment. “I would love a Paul Rudd regardless of his age,” Juli teased herself. “Thank you though... For helping me pick up the pieces. You always come through everytime and I want you to know that love you so much more than words can explain.”

“You had me at bakery.” Juli said, remembering the treats that Lyric had gotten her earlier in the morning. “I’m so sad you can’t see the cute dogs, so I actually took photos of them this morning! I don’t even know if this is possible, but when I become a very successful vet, I will find a cure to your dog allergies.” Juli turned on her phone and handed it over to Layla to show her the photos of all the pets in costume. “I love all of them, but Lizard Leia slaaaays!”

The compliment was genuine, and he had no idea Juli would look so good with a blonde wig. Who knew? “No, sorry, she was mostly talking to Riley so I didn’t really hear her mention anything about where she was going. I’m sure she’ll be back soon though. You can hang here in the mean time.” He nodded at her question. “Yeah, we do. You could try our Zombie cocktail if you want. It’s just rum and a bunch of juices.” He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to ask the next question. Especially since there were plenty of clues that implied the answer. But sometimes it was nice to ask anyway, even if she wouldn’t want to give him the real answer. He wouldn’t blame her if she thought he would go running to Lip with whatever she said. He would never do that, but he would understand. “So, how are you?

-

The mention of Riley put a smile on Juli’s face. She was glad to know that at least Layla was doing a better job in the love life department. She made a mental note to buy more notebooks as a joke to tease Layla. At the mention of hanging around, Juli felt her heart race just a tad bit. Focusing so much on Lip, she had forgotten that Matt was physically next to her and she didn’t faint. It was so easy to get lost in the boy’s face that Juli had to do everything she could not to make a fool of herself. Trying to play it cool, she nodded at the offer of hanging back.

“You know what, a drink sounds great.” Juli said, agreeing to the drink. “How did you guys come up with these drinks? They sound really creative.” Taking a seat by the bar, Juli stole glances at Matt, trying her best to keep up with the small talk. Everything about him was distracting... 

However, her mood dipped at his question. “How am I?” It was such a loaded question and she wasn’t sure how much Matt actually knew of her situation with Lip. Did he even really care for an answer or was he just trying to make more small talk? “I’m doing okay.” She said, flashing him a smile, one that wasn’t too convincing. “How about you? Witness anything crazy today?” She said, wondering if she needed more than one drink to not make a fool of herself.

Closed for: @julianewin​ Where: Rosie’s Diner When: 2PM

Juli had only recently moved in with Layla, and while Layla was ecstatic to have her best friend as a roommate now, she knew it took a bit of drama to get there. She was hoping today, being that it was Halloween, the best holiday in the history of humanity, would cheer her friend a bit given what was going on between her and Lip. Granted, Juli’s situation had some similarities to her own with Riley’s, and it served as a warning to Layla to please accept that her and Riley were friends. She would rather be their friend than nothing at all. That wasn’t sad, right? 

“So, I have a plan here. Let’s get the whole Lip thing out of our system for today, get this Devil’s Chicken in my tummy, and then proceed to dominate this town with our dope costumes. Deal?” she joked.

-

After the Jack and Rose’s wedding reception, everything seemed to change. Juli began to realize her feelings for her best friend and it scared her. It scared her to the point that all her advice she had given to Layla about love and following your heart became nothing but a hypocritical monolog she herself would not follow. Here she was a few months later and she was back to feeling like her whole world was upside down.

At Layla’s words, Juli opened her mouth to protest, but decided better against it. What’s the point of bumming around another few more weeks if she was the one that chose for things to be this way. She sighed and nodded at Layla. “Deal.” She picked up her fork and picked at her corn bread. “You’re right, we look amazing! I need to stop feeling this way.” Taking a huge piece of corn bread, Juli stuffs her mouth. There’s plenty of fish in the sea and one fear rejection shouldn’t derail her whole life... At least not when she’s kind of finally figuring out what she wanted to do with it. “What’s on the agenda for today anyways? After here, which runway are we showing off to next?”

Closed for:  @julianewin​ Where: Booze and Boos When: 7PM

Riley had gone somewhere to get a quick bite, so Matt was manning the fort in the mean time when Juli came by. He had heard about Juli moving out of the apartment she had with Lip, though Lip hadn’t mentioned too much about what happened. Yet, anyway. It must have been serious though, if Juli moved out. He wouldn’t ask about it, but he figured she was going to need a drink. “Hey Juli!” he greeted. “I saw Dionne earlier but I was wondering where her Cher was. Yellow is definitely your color. You look amazing!” He leaned against the counter, mainly to take off some of the weight on his bad leg since he was starting to feel the effects of standing for hours on end. “What can I get you? We have some specialty drinks but I can make pretty much anything you’d like.”

-

After having a glass or two of wine, Juli somehow managed to find herself drifting in at the Booze and Boos booth. It had been a long day and usually, Juli would rather be home than to be out all night. But with the recent move and clutter of boxes she still hasn’t been able to go through, making her new apartment with Layla feel like home right now was a little mentally taxing. 

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a greeting from a person a few feet away. “Oh, Matt. Hey,” she greeted back with a forced smile which was quickly replaced by a real one the more Matt spoke. Her cheeks turned a bright pink at the complement... A comment she was sad to think will never come from Lip himself. “Thanks,” she responded shyly. “I was actually supposed to meet her here again, did she mention where she was going?” She glanced at her phone quickly, noting the time and the nonexistent notifications that she wished appeared. She sighed quietly. “One drink woudln’t hurt,” she thought to herself before looking up at Matt. “Do you have anything sweet?”

Cher Horowitz (Clueless)

“No, she’s a full-on Monet. It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess”

-

He stiffened at the offer, knowing exactly what it would mean for her. The gift she wished to give him—if she were deemed able too–one that would affect her in so many ways beyond physically. Ian’s want to protect Juli reared its ugly head then, his own giving a determined shake as he eyed her. The silence that followed took on a new slant then, not angry though something akin to that emotion. Such things aimed anywhere but at the girl that sat beside him. His friend. That wife of his that looked at him with tears in her eyes.

“I won’t ask you to do that,” his words were absolute and yet at the same time held a hypocrisy that even Ian could see. For hadn’t he been looking to ask Arya the same thing. To give a piece of herself to him—a stranger that happened to be blood related—to put herself at risk? Perhaps it was easier to want to protect Juli because he knew her. She was a part of him, in more ways than one, and yet still as that notion made its way through his mind Ian couldn’t help but feel…well something.

His gaze trailed back out to the water as they sat there, head giving yet another shake, though this time the movement seemed more solemn than angry. Desolate. “Can we talk about something else…” he trailed off then, for those were not the words he wished to say. No, he wanted to tell her that there could be someone else he could ask. He wanted to mention Arya—tell her what he knew. Ian sat there wondering if he could say the things he’d only spoken aloud once. To the dark as he laid there waiting for sleep. It seemed a simple thing, to tell Juli then, and yet dangerous still for he wasn’t entirely certain anything would come from such a connection. If she would be able to help him—or if he even wanted to make himself known. 

The tears began to escape from Juli’s eyes at the reaction her offer had received. All her fears that could come to realization surfaced her mind all at once. One, a dear friend becoming angry with her and ruining their friendship. Two, she could be a match, but lose Ian if no one acted fast enough. And three, idly agreeing to spare her friend’s feelings in exchange of possibly regretting it would be too late. All three ended in the same way... losing Ian... But she can’t go through that again– no she refuses to go through that again. 

Her vision blurred, Juli wiped her eyes with the back of her hand when she finally heard Ian speak. “But you’re not asking me to do anything.” She said sternly, fighting the urge for her voice to waver or to cry . While she had no control over fear number one, getting tested can give her the power to control the situation. And if it so happens that she was a match, she openly accepts all the consequences that came with it.

“No Ian. Not this time. I almost lost you once. I’m not going to let it happen again.” She said before standing up from where she was sitting. “It’s either we talk this out right now or I’m leaving,” she threatened, the first and only threat she’d ever meant. But regardless of their conversation’s outcome, Juli was determined to get tested. “I won’t lose you too.”

Perhaps she had mentioned that tidbit of information in the past. Ian would have been surprised if she hadn’t considering how long Juli would say the pair had known each other, and yet the boy could not retrieve any memory of the brunette mentioning Layla. This could have been because he failed to catalog such information, her friends an interesting topic until they weren’t—many not truly liking him, Ian feeling the same, due to his quiet nature and apparent strangeness. No, it made sense for him to have forgotten—how was he to know that Layla had been her name? “She comes into the theatre,” he explained, “We met a week or so ago…and then again at the Hideout.”

Ian could feel the weight of that silence that stretched between them, how it would be interrupted by the shift in her thoughts. Moving away from the comfortable quiet to give in to the fear—the worry, he could imagine Juli to be feeling then. It was this concern that often kept him quiet over his health issues, the way it could consume the very image of himself in another’s eyes. Making him into nothing but a sick kid. He heard the question, or rather his mind would finish those words that had trailed off then. Her wanting to know how long he’d kept this rather large secret—and yet his answer to such a reasonable thing, would be forgotten in favour for her next string of words. “I’m on the list,” he explained, “No matches yet, but mom’s hopeful…” he trailed off then, his next words speaking the desperation of that elder women, “She found my incubator.” 

The mention of Ian’s birth mother set a bitter taste to his tongue, that woman so far from being what that word meant—nothing close the mother that had chosen him. “Wasn’t interested in getting tested,” there was no judgement in those words, for that woman deserved none of his attention. His emotion—beyond disdain. “But the incubator might have some family we could try, we’ll see,” he paused looking at her then, “We’ve done this dance before you know, so—” he shrugged at that, punctuating his lack of concern. Though his calm meant little for Ian had rarely held any concern for himself. For his health—much to his mother’s frustration.

-

To Juli, a sick kid was far from what he saw Ian as. He was much more than the some of his parts and the thought of him just vanishing from her life was enough to make her eyes water. Though she held it back by bitting the inside of her cheek. 

She listened anxiously at Ian’s answers to her questions. She understood all too well what it was like to have a mother that seemed to want nothing to do with her and her blood began to boil. She couldn’t understand what kind of person would force a child into the world and just abondon them after. However, she didn’t comment on it. Despite the anger she felt towards his “incubator”, she was still a reason Ian is in her life in this moment. Her facial feature softened at the bittersweet revelation. “No matches...” She repeated. Thoughts swirling in her mind.

“What if I got tested... to see if we would match?” She began to say, unsure where the words would lead, but very certain at the fact that she would be willing to give anything for Ian. In fact, she almost did all those years ago. The very first time she had learned Ian was in need of a kidney, she secretly scheduled an appointment to get tested, but before she was able to go through with it Ian informed her of the great news. “If we match, you wouldn’t have to wait much longer.”