A World Alone

A spilled tone cursed out of Elijah’s voice as he approached the strange face,  "I don’t mean to be a bother but I just had one quick question for you.“ By arrival close to the figure he fixed his structure and stood straight in front of them, "It’s been quite some time since I’ve been around these streets and to say they’ve gotten far more confusing would be an understatement. Anyway you don’t care much for that do you— I was hoping if you could tell me the store that used to be here, ‘Earnies’, do you have any idea where it is now?”

“I think you might be right. I’m…slowly learning these things about the world” he confessed, it seemed ridiculous that his age it was surprising to him that polygamous relationships weren’t ideal when things were unbalanced but at least he got there eventually. He chuckled and shook his head “It’s a word I would use- am using, it’s a word I am using, you’re adorable.” he insisted “You’re a good influence on me. Always have been” he deduced. Inspired by Julian’s reminder he corrected his posture, his eyebrows lifting as he did so “I do, I do and I have them too, I- yeah, my parents brought them over, I’ve got a bunch of ‘em.” he said, pleased about the fact, he’d flipped through them briefly but had decided to wait and leave it until Julian was with him so they could experience it all together, it would be more entertaining that way he deduced.

“You’re crazy,” he insisted, adorable no, awkward definitely. “And you are a bad influence on me, but in a good way,” he tilted his head, cat-like, trying to think of a better way to phrase what he was trying to say. Brian helped him loosen up, to live his life a little more spontaneously and without regret. He needed that. “Did that make any sense at all? Most things I say don’t.” Julian was beyond excited, if worried, to see the photo albums. It was a time of his life that he really did look back on warmly, even if it was a cliche and he wondered if seventeen year old Julian would have believed that years later he’d be sat in Brian Fleetwood’s living room reminiscing. Not likely. “You’re not allowed to look at me while we’re looking at them,” he shook his head, “I’m going to be so red.”

Brian shrugged his shoulders “Well that’s…that’s kind of exactly what happened” he reminded Julian, Brian had become second best and he couldn’t stand it so he’d pulled out in the end. “I’m never going through that again. If somebody wants to be with me then they better damn well want it enough to make it worth my time” he said with gusto as he fetched himself another slice of pizza as if to reward his newfound confidence in the matter. He chuckled at the rosy coloring of Julian’s cheeks “I noticed” he assured him smoothly “I just wasn’t sure if you wanted me to notice because you tend to respond just like that when I do” he teased, pointing at Julian and making light of his bashful demeanour. “Which is so cute by the way” he added to comfort Julian though it was utterly true.

“I think that security with someone’s really important,” he added, just his own opinion, with no intention to change how Brian felt. He mirrored him, grabbing another slice of pizza too, unsure how many he’d had now but not minding really. He knew Brian was laughing at how much he was blushing and he couldn’t stop his face burning up even more because of it. If he could stop any of his bodily functions this would be the one, it was so childish and made all of his emotions so obvious. “Thanks for humouring me,” he laughed with a sweet but embarrassed smile, “but cute is definitely not a word anyone would realistically use to describe me.” He nibbled at the crust of his pizza slowly. “Oh, speaking of cute - you need to show me those photo albums from high school.2

“It was- yeah, it was…we weren’t a thing, thing, it wasn’t exclusive…I mean, I was. For a time. I agreed to stop hooking up and I hoped that it might encourage her to do the same but she was too deeply invested in other people, it didn’t change anything and I think that’s probably what prompted me to end things more than anything. I was sacrificing and I guess I just wasn’t getting enough in return” he tried to explain himself but it was difficult to articulate, he found. He nodded his head “You might be right” he said, he didn’t know whether Julian was correct or not, he certainly didn’t claim to be any expert on love and couldn’t be sure either way. Julian had been married once, he knew more than Brian did and so he was willing to believe the other male for the sake of his own hope if nothing else. He laughed delicately at Julian’s obscure sort of a compliment “I’ll keep my face then” he teased in response, knowing how embarrassed Julian would be about his words, Julian so often seemed mortified by his own actions as soon as they’d been performed, Brian found it adorable.

“I just can’t imagine that,” he shook his head in a sort of disbelief, “not being exclusive, or whatever... I’d just be so worried the whole time that they’d change their mind and pick someone else - like that’s already a very real fear whenever a relationship is a thing for me, but... that probably just says something about me, as a person. Sorry. I wasn’t being judgmental, I promise.” He decided to shut up about it, but he really couldn’t get his head round the concept. For him a relationship was all about knowing that you were one person’s favourite person - that they had chosen you out of all the people - and to be not exclusive kind of took that away. He guessed his struggle to understand it probably just came from deep rooted confidence problem though, most things seemed to. “That was a compliment,” he bit his bottom lip, blush colouring his cheeks, “it just came out really wrong, so yes, please, keep the face.”

Brian nodded his head in agreement “It’ll pass” he said, an effort to convince himself as much as to convince Julian that in good time he would no longer feel an ache in his chest whenever he stood in the same room as Sasha or even thought about her for that matter. He chuckled at Julian’s words “No, she was seeing other people when we together. She’s seeing more people now that we’ve broken up but um, yeah- no, she’s always been more interested than her other boyfriends than in me…it just took me a while to realize that that wouldn’t change.” he said, wrinkling his nose at the fact of the matter, it was an unpleasant reality but a reality no less. Brian nodded once more in agreement “I do” he confirmed and he hated how long it had taken him to come to the realization but perhaps better late than never applied in this case. “She is, she’s lovely but it wasn’t right. Things weren’t right and I- I do, I have to find something that works for me…or it has to find me” he said with a soft laugh to encourage himself, it had been a trialling experience but he hoped to come out of it smarter than he had been before and more sensible about the relationships he got himself too heavily involved in.

“It will pass,” he agreed, very confidently. That was one thing he could be confident about, things did always pass, at least for the most part, even when they really seemed they wouldn’t. “She was seeing people while you were together?” He tried not to look as scandalised as he felt, but he was pretty certain it wasn’t working at all. “You like agreed to that and everything?” Again with the feeling that he really had no idea about anything at all and had lived a very sheltered life. He reminded himself that this was Brian, Brian who had taken them to a strip club for a regular night out. “I think things are always easier if you just let them happen to you, especially when it comes to love. If it’s going to happen, it will, and I would worry about that, especially with you being you and... having your face and stuff.” He gestured vaguely as if that would assist his horribly butchered point. 

Brian chuckled, imagining the scene as he spoke “Probably won’t be saying much of anything if I’ve got food poisoning” he reasoned, making a projectile gesture with his hand to mimic vomiting. He shrugged his shoulder as Julian spoke “Not a good thing either, I like spending time with you” he expressed with sincerity “I don’t have a lot of friends- that’s not the reason you’re my best friend but it does mean that when I’m not hanging out with you I’m hanging out with my brother or- time wasting” he explained without going into too much detail about what it was that he did to waste time. He nodded his head in humble agreement “It’s for the better, intelligently I know that it’s for the better, it’s just hard to get over residual feelings” he explained himself as best he could “I didn’t want to break up with her in a way, I do love her- I think she’s a wonderful person, I’m just not sure that she’s right for me or that I’m right for her, I don’t think we’re right for each other. We clash and she’s seeing other people anyway, other people that I think she’s a lot more interested in. I think I was wasting energy fighting a battle I just couldn’t win.” he said, thinking about it deeply now. “It wasn’t that she purposefully tried to change me, I think I just changed myself to fit what I thought she wanted from me and in the end…she just- I couldn’t be the person that she wanted, that person already exists, that person lives with her and no matter what I did or didn’t do, I was never gonna win her over.” he said and shrugged once more.

Julian nudged him, with a fond roll of his eyes, at his rather obscene vomiting mime. “I like spending time with you too, Bri,” he smiled, the expression taking over his whole face as if he was really surprised Brian would say such a thing, which he kind of was. “Residual feelings are the worst,” he replied quickly, kind of too quickly, without really considering what he was referring to with that. A light blush crept onto his cheeks. “She’s seeing other people already?” His eyebrows shot up his forehead, there were so many times around Brian where Julian honestly felt like he’d never lived at all, felt like his life was so boring and so not scandalous. Not that he’d want any of that drama, not really. He didn’t get angry or irritated hardly ever, it just wasn’t who he was, but he did find himself a little annoyed about what Brian had to deal with and that surprised him. He made sure to catch Brian’s eye and smiled a little sadly. “You deserve better,” he insisted, eyes wide and honest, “it’s not that I think she’s awful, I don’t at all, she’s lovely. It’s just... you deserve someone who thinks you hung the moon and who you never have to... try to win over. I just-.... you deserve the best, Bri. Honestly.”

“Better than nothing” he assured, he rarely actually treated himself to a home cooked meal- most often because it would mean going to Bobby’s place and allowing him to make some sort of vegan concoction and Brian couldn’t bear it. The thought of Julian cooking for him was great, he did grow tired of take out some nights. He chuckled at Julian’s signature bout of self deprecation and rolled his eyes “I’m sure you’re a lot better than you’re leading me to believe” he said and meant it, he always took whatever Julian said to be far, far lesser than the reality in terms of his abilities, it was just Jules’ way. “You’re right” he agreed, he had been a little off the radar as of late and he didn’t like the thought of that, Brian was a very social man and to think that he’d neglected the few friends that he had threw him off balance. “I’m slowly but surely getting my life back into order” he explained “I re-hired Violet which makes life a bit easier, my new assistant happens to be somewhat of an expert in media relations which again, serves me well” he explained, blowing gently on his pizza in between. “I’ve been working too much but I’ve been working to avoid stressing about Sasha and now I don’t have to stress about Sasha I can work normally and start reconstructing my normal social life without fear of doing something that’s gonna piss somebody off” he said, he’d grown tired of getting into trouble with his friends and family and wouldn’t allow it anymore, he was playing by his own rules once again.

“You won’t be saying that when you have food poisoning,” he laughed, but he was already reevaluating his offer - he wouldn’t be nearly as good as Sasha and what if it was awful? What if it was awful and Brian didn’t even say anything he just smiled and humoured him? That would be eve worse. Brian had this ridiculous faith in his abilities that really didn’t come from experience of Julian being better at things that he said he was, he often wondered where that came from, what he’d done to deserve such blind faith. “It’s not a bad thing,” he backtracked, feeling immediately guilty for saying something like that, “you’re so busy with your job and everything and that is great, it probably just seems like I don’t see you much to me because I don’t know many people or... do anything exciting very often.” He laughed at his own horrible awkwardness, he often considered that he should just stop talking to Brian ever because he was destined just to embarrass himself. “That’s great, Violet seems really great,” he nodded enthusiastically, “and you seem to be dealing everything so sensibly, really, and if she made you feel like you were constantly stepping on eggshells around her or... or if she was stopping you social life then it seems like a positive thing really.” 

Brian smiled at the old saying, it worked for him. He shook his head when Julian apologized “Don’t be, it was civil” he assured him “Things just…they weren’t meant to be” he said with a shrug of his shoulders, it was the best he could come up with. The break up had been his own doing and though he was certain it was the right thing for the both of them it still hurt, he missed Sasha deeply. He smiled at Julian’s offer “Probably not” he agreed with a warm laugh “But she is a professional after all, that’s kinda fair” he reminded Jules with a smile. “You cook a lot?” he asked curiously, he imagined Julian did, Brian was sure he was one of the few functioning adults that he knew of that still relied on take out and meals brought over by other people.

“Hopefully you’ll be able to deal with amateur cooking, even if you deserve a professional,” he nodded, accepting his own limitations. “I cook loads, it really relaxes me. Now that’s not tribute to how good I actually am at it, because no one ever eats it apart from me, and my taste buds could be just immune or something,” he shrugged, modestly, it wasn’t like Julian to really consider himself ‘good’ at anything - he’d kind of accepted from a young age that he wasn’t particularly good at anything special. “You should totally come over though,” he nodded, smiling into his lap, “I don’t see you as much as I’d like.” He took another slice of pizza to busy himself, successful this time in not burning himself.

doggy day camp - julian&cody

Cody’s dogs had their enthusiastic moments. Greeting people always seemed to be a thing they did best, they were all enthusiastic. Well, except Prince who, for the most part, was wary of any face he didn’t know for a long long time–protective, in other words. Cody chuckled, hugging Jules back. “You have to say I’m more exciting, I keep you and the dogs together.” she smiled, brightly turning her attention to the dogs. Shrugging her shoulders she nodded, “Yeah, they’re pretty aggressive with their hellos. It’s out of love.” Cody promised, patting Prince’s head as he stood beside her. As soon as they started walking, Cody’s dogs trotted alongside them at an easy pace. Normally, despite everyone telling her she shouldn’t, Cody would let the dogs run along without leashes–except Goon, who was still too tiny despite having grown significantly since she first got the dog. But, this new route was different, so Cody elected to have them all on leashes. And when she noticed Goon trotting closely to Jules Cody offered the leash to him. Smiling brightly Cody replied, “Oh, cupcakes sound delicious!” she smiled, watching as Goon woofed sadly at the sound of no treats for her. Tilting her head to the side, Cody looked at the dogs. “Don’t worry, I’ve got treats for you guys.” Which seemed to make them a little happier.

“I would always pick you over the dogs, he insisted, giving Prince a special smile almost to prove he was okay and not a threat. He wasn’t sure how much dogs understood. Jules wanted to laugh at how obediently the dogs trotted along at Cody’s side, she looked so funny with all those leads. “I can’t argue with aggressive love,” he shook his head, taking Goon’s lead with a nervous smile. He’d had a dog while he was growing up, so he wasn’t a stranger to all things dog-related, but he was still worried about messing something up - not that a lot could go wrong in the lead-holding process. He chuckled aloud at Goon’s forlorn noise, and then Cody’s gentle assurance that they’d get something. “So how are you doing?” He asked, gently curious, he didn’t want to push the subject if she didn’t want to speak about it. “In general, as well as with... everything that happened?”

Brian chuckled and nodded his head “I know, I know, I try to keep it discreet as best I can but it’s- you know, I run on the beach in the morning and I blow people’s heads off at night, helps me relax.” he explained, it was very therapeutic in an odd way, Brian enjoyed how the challenge took his mind off of other things that were twice as challenging in his daily life. “I was gonna order a pizza” he said, gesturing to the box as he sat back down comfortable “Are you reading my mind now, or what?” he teased, watching Julian as the man made himself comfortable. “I uh- I broke up with Sasha so my diet has become significantly more bland” he said, scrunching up his face a little, no longer could he rely on Sasha to cook for him nor did he feel comfortable going to her bistro for lunch or dinner, it was a shame but it would pass in time, he hoped. “God that smells good” he said, leaning over and taking a slice for himself, letting it cool in the palm of his hand as he spoke before he took a bite. 

“Great minds think alike,” he smiled and nudged him playfully, he hadn’t eaten since breakfast and his stomach made a gargling noise. “Sorry,” he blushed. The news of Brian’s break up with Sasha came as a shock to him, and he took a quiet second to let it settle. “What happened? If you don’t mind me asking?” He knew Brian probably did mind but his curiosity really was getting the better of him. He really thought Brian and Sasha had been that perfect couple, the sort you saw in television adverts or old films. “You don’t have to answer that. I’ll cook for you, you know,” he added, giving Brian’s leg a gentle squeeze, “you can come over to mine whenever, but I’m probably not as good as her.”

Brian had been entrenched in the depths of a battle, playing both against and alongside people who were surely half his age and yelling at him on the other side of his headphones during their online match. He hadn’t heard a thing and didn’t realize the presence of anyone else in his home until Julian poked his head in the door. “Shit, hi” he said with a laugh, pulling his headphones out of his ears and pausing his game, putting the controller down on the coffee table and standing up “Christ, it’s a good thing you’re not an assassin huh? Well- you know, you could be but the pizza might get in the way.” he said, pawing at Julian’s arm and giving him a friendly nudge on the shoulder. “Make yourself at home, I’m just-” he looked over at his XBOX “Yeah- wasting time, wasting a lot of time” he admitted with a laugh and a shrug, his shooting games were his guilty pleasure, they helped him to blow off steam and after the week he’d had he had plenty to expend. 

Jules chuckled when he realised what Brian had been doing, grinning at the carpet. “I didn’t really have you pinned down as an XBOX kind of a guy,” he admitted, “but you’re full of surprises.” He set the pizza down on the coffee table, nudging Brian back into his seat and flopping down next to him. “You can finish your game you know, I don’t mind,” he added, curling his legs up underneath him to keep his feet warm, “but I’m starting the pizza.” Jules was actually pretty good at shooter games, his husband had been a big fan and used to get endlessly frustrated when Julian would beat him without really trying. He cracked open the pizza box, scalding his mouth on the pizza as he went to take a bite but gritting his teeth so not to show it. He was so embarrassing. 

doggy day camp - julian&cody

While Jules was finishing up getting ready, Cody had taken to playing a little game with the dogs. She had a couple balls in her bag and found a certain whistle for each dog so they’d know how to respond. Except, it didn’t work as well has she had originally planned when she’d started doing this a couple months before and the only one who really understood the game at all was Prince, the loyal right by her side dalmatian. So, giving up, Cody threw the balls back into her bag and it seemed she had good timing because she heard Jules’ voice. Turning around Cody smiled brightly, and before she could even get a hello out, the four dogs were doing that for her barking and tails wagging, all jumping over one another to be the first to say hello to Jules. Though, Goon, the newest dog, was by far the most limber and had nearly knocked Bender out on her way to greet Jules. So, Cody took Bender to her side, and Prince quickly followed. Tilting her head to the side while Jules spoke Cody just laughed,  “I know. I know. The dogs are much more exciting than I am.” shaking her head, the girl continued, “Nope. Not long at all. You ready?” 

Jules was nearly being knocked over by the dog, but he appreciated the enthusiasm. He liked how dogs were always happy to see everyone. He managed to get himself upright again so he could wade over to give Cody a hug, laughing too. “Okay, first you are way more exciting, I promise. Secondly, they are just more forceful with their loving, they’re harder to ignore.” He crouched slightly to stroke Cody’s newest dog. “This one’s Goon right? I always get the names messed up, my memory is so awful.” He nodded, huge grin on his face, and motioned that he was ready to go. Just being outside was making him feel a lot happier, it was all blue skies and thick heat that day and controversially, all the smiling tourists actually put Jules in a better mood. “I made us cupcakes,” he added, remembering the bag in his hand, and then talking to Goon who was trotting contently by his side, “but I don’t know how dog-friendly they are.”