jen!!

I usually don’t like to make New Year resolutions because that suggests that these changes can’t be made throughout the rest of the year. However, now is as good of a time as any to set goals for myself so that I can live the life I want to have, rather than admiring these aspects of others’ lives without taking action to make myself happier and healthier!

1. Make health into a lifestyle habit rather than a conscious choice I have to consistently make. Body image and health concerns have been a huge on and off part of my life since high school. Growing up in an Asian culture combined with cutting weight in wrestling and negative influences from the internet have made me really uncomfortable in my body and wish that I was smaller. 2019 was a big year for me and I made a lot of improvements in my body image through rugby and valuing strength and how I feel rather than simply how I look or the number on the scale. I want to make living healthy my default rather than something I have to consciously strive towards. Rather than it being a habit, I want it to be the default that I exercise every day (without getting obsessed or ashamed if I don’t - that just means I had more important things to do that would help with my happiness), eat a colorful plate of food (cutting dessert but not completely so I still have that enjoyment), and maintain an active lifestyle. I want to place less importance on this in my mind, and have it be something natural rather than taking up energy. 

2. Digital minimization. I spend so much time on technology whether that be scrolling through Instagram on my phone or working on my computer. While work may be necessary, I want to make it less of a negative experience. I want to try working in well-lit libraries or outside rather than always in the same Dunster dining hall. I also want to spend less time on my phone. I’m proud of myself for basically cutting out Netflix in 2019, but there is still a lot of progress to make. I would like to reduce my social media usage, which is definitely creating negative social comparisons that aren’t great for my self-confidence. After a digital purge, I hope to really only use social media for my own mindful benefit (keeping a blog record or sharing photos with friends/family) rather than scrolling through my feed mindlessly.

3. Align how I feel about my own identity with how I display myself to others. My biggest goal in 2020 is to work on my self-confidence, which has always been one of my biggest weaknesses. This year, I really want to work on changing my appearance to reflect who I want to be and who I think I am (aka DAT bitch). I want to spend more effort on creating a unique fashion and makeup style without worrying about what others will think because this is for myself anyways. I want to be able to effortlessly display my true character without being anxious about others’ judgments, as these people won’t really matter in the future anyway. This year, I’m going to work on my confidence and self-worth so that I can love myself without needing acknowledgment from others.

4. Spend more time with family and friends. I’ve recently realized that I can become a homebody if I believe I am too busy or do not push myself enough. This year, I really want to push myself to become less awkward and put less weight on other people’s judgments. I want to truly enjoy my time spent with other people without worrying about what they are thinking of the time and instead optimizing the experience to give me the most happiness! It is my goal to have fun and speak to someone I’m not completely comfortable with at least once a day. I feel that through interacting with others I get the most self-growth, so 2020 is going to be a big year!

5. Becoming happy with my current state. Being surrounded in the toxic Harvard culture combined with Asian culture in I was raised has led me to believe that I can’t stop working and there’s always room to improve. I was taught that it isn’t acceptable to really relax and stop but to keep on pushing to be better - or the best - at everything. It’s taken me a lot of work and reflection to step back and realize this, and I am working on becoming more mindful and taking it easier on myself whether it be in appearance, school, rugby, or just the small daily things. This new year, I want to consciously work to make this a reality, whether that be through journaling, allowing myself to enjoy more or daily reminders. I want to become comfortable, proud, and happy with my current state rather than always thinking that I need to work on my appearance or body, that I’m missing a boyfriend, or that I need to prepare for an unknown future. To sum it up, I would like to be content in the present rather than wishing for the future. I guess this comes hand in hand with self-confidence!