LIONHEARTED

On a good day, James made a mental list to bother every person he knew well enough, so that the risk of getting clocked in the face was slim to none. It just so happened that one of the people high on his list of affections happened to cross in front of him as he made his way down the corridor and he was nothing if not incorrigible. He took his steps quietly, balancing his bag on his shoulder before sliding into place right beside Lily. “Look at this excellent timing.” James started, the hopelessly grin crinkling his eyes. 

Whether Lily wanted him to or not, James knew very well how to make her smile and he saw the corners of her lips twitch as if to hide her amusement. “Have I told you that you look beautiful today? Or can I not say that because I’m your not boyfriend?” He laid on thick, eyeing her with a teasing waggle of his brows. “Maybe carry your books as your not boyfriend?” 

The sarcasm dripped from James’ voice, heightening Severus’ discomfort. He’d never been the talkative type, constantly shot down by classmates and parent’s alike he generally assumed people didn’t want him to talk, but having it pointed out felt harsher than being blatantly ignored. Once again wishing the man had arrived to class on time, the Slytherin declined to comment, instead allowing the class to begin with silence at their table.

It didn’t last very long. For someone who appeared to possess an unfiltered hatred for Sev, he couldn’t seem to stop talking to him. The Gryffindor’s words made Severus’ expression fall into a scowl. He hadn’t thought he’d been making a face, but now that he knew he had been, he wondered vaguely if that’s why people found him so unapproachable. Not that he cared. “Didn’t know I was scowling,” he muttered under his breath, adjusting the plant’s pot unnecessarily as he avoided the other man’s eyes.

It was that curse of attention, the unbridled need to be noticed that had James pushing things too far sometimes. Pestering Snape just happened to be one of those things. It was easy, too easy and the other man just never seemed to laugh at any of his jokes, that it made James all the more persistent. “Just trying to help. One classmate to another.” Most people got the friend card or at least something more friendly than classmate but of course not know. They were most certainly not friends.

James shrugged at Snape’s lack of a response and thought to himself for a moment, his eyes casually side eyeing his plant and the other’s. He didn’t have to do this, behave this way, but there was no stopping the urge once it hit. Pretending to drop a book of his on the ground, James swore and came up just behind Snape with his eyes trained on his innocent Flitterbloom plant. 

With one hand on the wand in his pocket, James caused a bit of a commotion before muttering ‘Oppugno’ under his breath. It took a second but then the harmless plant seemed to shake, one of its tentacles coming up and smacking Snape in the shoulder. It took everything in James not to laugh as it came to life, quietly going back to his spot next to Snape as he waited for the fun to unfold. 

Peter went to laugh, but then was struck with how good of an idea that actually was. “Maybe I will. I mean, we’d need to come up with a whole new game to play using them since I reckon it’d be cheating in Quidditch, but.” He shrugged, inviting the idea. 

“Right,” he said, standing up from the bench and closing his borrowed locker. “I could use a drink. A cigarette, too.”

“As long as you remember who gave you the idea, yeah? And as if no one’s ever cheated at Quidditch before. Tossers are born every day.” James just laughed it off, already bouncing a bit with excitement. Even with a loss under his belt, he wasn’t about to let this be a bad time. “I’ll get you both. You’ve earned it.”

x-remus‌:

pterpettigrew‌:

He wished he hadn’t said it, noticing how the air in the room shifted as he did, but he couldn’t be the only one to suffer the thought. He’d needed to get it out, though he didn’t feel any better for having done so. 

What he really wanted to say was that he was glad it hadn’t been any of them, but he knew he didn’t need to voice it. From the way they all sat there together, comfortable together in their discomfort, he knew they knew. He settled for grabbing a stack of playing cards and shuffling them absentmindedly to busy himself. Red, he thought. He flipped the card. Black. Red, he thought again. Black, again. “Lady Luck’s a bitch,” he sighed vehemently, putting the cards down and laying all the way back so he was staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t talking about the cards, and he wasn’t really sure he was talking about luck, either.

@x-remus​

The air around him suddenly felt stiff and tight, as if Sirius’ words had the ability to physically press on the already small space. A dark part of the werewolf felt lucky— grateful, even, that he could look up and see their faces, knowing they were alright. James, Sirius, Peter— Lily, too. They were the few that he had allowed himself to grow close to since the start of term. The few that he had found himself caring for despite every promise he had made to himself at the start of term not to. The guilt that came with the thought almost made the moment worse.  Breathing in, Remus shut his eyes for a moment before standing up and crossing the short distance to the lavatory. It was only with the door shut and locked behind him that he was able to exhale. Leaning with his hands on either side of the sink, the werewolf’s eyes were carefully trained down to avoid the mirror as he turned the tap on, trying to avoid the pounding in his head. 

@messrsblacks​

Sirius finished rolling the joint and wasted no time in lighting it. He took a long drag, then another, and then passed it to James. His eyes went to the bathroom door Remus had disappeared behind. He jerked his chin towards it. “Do you think he’s okay?”

@jpctters​

James couldn’t help but watch Remus as he fled to the bathroom, letting out a long and heavy sigh. He took the joint from Sirius’ hand, taking his own drag from it before shaking his head. “Willing to bet the answer’s no. Just - give him a minute and if nothing, I’ll go check on him.” He held the joint out to Peter, an uneasy look in his eye. “Don’t even know if I’ll feel better if I know anything else.”

Remus took another drag from his blunt as James spoke, and it took most of his energy to resist the urge to laugh at the words. Shaking his head with an exhale, the werewolf grinned. “If anyone could pull off having an intro song, it would be you.” He meant the words when he said them.

Eyes shifting to the record, his expression softened at the selection, obviously pleased with the other wizard’s choice. Shooting the wizard a wry smile, he tilted his head. “Should that go before the intro song? Enter James Potter: he’s kind of a big deal.” 

With more sincerity, Remus leaned back against his headboard. “You’re going to be brilliant.” Of this, the werewolf had little doubt. “I’ve never actually been to a match before.” He admitted, eyes shifting to the lit end of the blunt as the music began to play around them. “Do you think most of the school will be there?”

“I was thinking of having it tattooed but my mum might lose it.” James shook his head, digging out some chocolates from under his bed and tossing one into Remus’ lap. “If I wasn’t accepted into the auror academy, I’d go pro. Find my way onto a team and make it big.” He shrugged. “Not sure if that’s in the cards for me though.”

x-remus·:

pterpettigrew·:

Peter wanted to latch onto James’ optimism not for the first time that night, but try as he might he couldn’t. Peter was a worrier by nature, and that made him an unwilling cynic in most cases. This was no exception. “Dunno what else they’d keep us all here for. Not unless—” He had a hard time saying it, mostly because he had a hard time imagining it. “Not unless it was true. They’d have told us if we were here ‘cause Peeves collapsed a stairwell or someone set an Acromantula loose. It’s gotta be serious, something they’d not want anyone knowing until the right people knew first. Family…” Peter swallowed hard.

@x-remus·

Remus’ shoulders went rigid at Sirius’ words, his eyes shifting back down to his textbook. The tension and unease hung heavy in the air, his lungs already burnt with the number of cigarettes he had smoked that night. 

He couldn’t shake the feeling of helplessness, a heavy guilt causing the werewolf’s stomach to twist. The harsh reality of the rumors and thoughts of a mourning family were too much, all of it ugly and painful and sickeningly real. He couldn’t shake the feeling that all of it was true.

@messrsblacks·

“Fuck,” Sirius groaned, Peter’s words settling uncomfortably in the room. He lifted a hand to rub his face, feeling exhausted suddenly. “The family. I hadn’t thought beyond dead students.” Just saying those two words made him feel slightly sick; he busied himself with rolling a joint instead, keeping his mind focused away from the thought of parents who had woken up this morning thinking the day would be normal, only to be told by the end their children were dead.

@jpctters·

Everything hung heavier once Peter vocalized his worries and a shiver ran up James’ spine involuntarily. “Bloody hell.” He felt himself only get more uneasy, an aching feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was one of them. Someone he might know, someone he passed in the halls. The thought of someone being gone, taken abruptly was unsettling to say the least. Eventually James sat up, motioning to Sirius. “Give me some of that, yeah?”

Peter smiled despite himself, nodding not just his head but his whole body once or twice to show James he’d take the advice. “Too bad they don’t make training wheels for them,” he laughed, now fully pulled from his funk, at least for the moment. “Or extendable arms, in my case.”

“Could you imagine? Would have made my childhood trying to learn much easier but hey, you could always invent them.” James chortled, smoothing out his clothes and brushing his hair out of his face. “We’ll make a Quidditch player out of you yet, you’ll see. Until then, it’s party time.”

x-remus‌:

pterpettigrew‌:

“Shit.” A long silence stretched between this word and the next. “And I thought Quidditch had been bad luck.” Peter sighed the words more than he spoke them, and stared down at his trainers. 

@x-remus​

Remus could hear the sound of footsteps climbing the staircase, shoulders tense as they entered the room. Lifting his head, his jaw hardened, eyes searching.

“Anything new?”

Sirius threw himself down on his bed, relishing in the peace and quiet of the dorm. He lay for a few moments on his back, then lifted himself onto one side so he could reach for his stash of weed. “Nothing. Still keeping us in there like caged animals, with no fucking information.” He sat up, pulling a rizla out his pack. “Do you really think people have died?”

@jpctters​

James let out a breath as he flopped back on his own bed, one hand going to cover his face. He was tempted to numb himself with something but he didn’t think it was going to suffice. “Big rumor to go around if it’s not true.” He mumbled, half garbled by his sleeve. “Hoping it’s just all stupid talk. Someone around here doing that? Kind of hard to believe.”

“I heard it was a first-year who drank too much Firewhiskey. There’s always one you know.” 

“They wouldn’t stuff us all in here over a firstie who partied too hard.”

“They would if it was serious. Besides, if it’s true. You know. About someone being dead. That’s enough for everything to get shut down.”

Lily tried to block out the voices of the gossiping witches near her. She pressed the heels of her palm into her eyes, barely biting back a comment about how irresponsible it was to be speculating. It would be a bit pot kettle though at this point, what with the tales her own mind was telling her. 

She couldn’t help but wonder, were they tales, really? Tales suggested fiction, but something in Lily’s gut had her wondering if this wasn’t harsh reality come to stay. 

For the first time in some time, Lily could hear a sneering voice ringing in her ears, grey eyes peering at her delightedly. 

“Or haven’t you seen the papers lately?”

Was this going to be another headline? One Dead at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: Cause of Death Unknown.

The cause was always unknown, unless of course it could be pinned on someone else. Werewolf, giant, vampire, so long as it wasn’t wizard the reporting was clear. 

The frustration and fear that roiled inside her was interrupted by the gentle call of Jame’s voice. Despite how softly he spoke, the intrusion startled her. She jumped, hands pulling away from her face and head-snapping upwards to meet the wizard’s concerned gaze. 

“What?” Lily blinked. Her eyes fell to the red carpet at her feet as James set next to her and her hand found its way back to her face as she bit nervously at her thumbnail. “I– yeah. Of course. It’s fine. Nice of you.” 

A strained silence fell between them which only served to racket up Lily’s nerves. With a forced smile, she tried to break through it. “Great match. I mean, we lost. But you scored. So.”

Seeing Lily there, the worry and stress written all over, had him recalling how simple and easy their conversation had been earlier. It was the type of thing you took for granted, never looked back on with more than a fond eye and yet now it seemed almost insensitive. “Sorry.” He muttered out quickly, his teeth chewing on his bottom lip for a moment. It was a curse within himself of not being able to ever sit still, only made worse by the somber news they were just waiting for confirmation on. 

James couldn’t pinpoint why but somehow seeing Lily this upset only made him feel a weird sort of twist in chest, nausea in his stomach. No one deserved to feel this way. No innocent student deserved to die and yet here they were, in the middle of it all. “Thanks. It was a nice moment while it lasted.” He paused, not sure what he was meant to say. “Kind of wish someone would just tell us what happened. The waiting just makes it worse. It makes it harder.” Maybe James knew a thing or two about waiting. About the imminence of death. The subject was harder to stomach when it was personal, when it involved someone you knew. 

“I’m sure it will be the last,” Peter said, head hanging. He expected Davey would be throwing another roll at his head tomorrow at breakfast, though with less of a proposition for subbing on the team and more of a suggestion not to bother coming back. He let himself feel badly about it for a beat longer, but found it hard to stay sullen in James’ company. Whether it was because the other was kind enough to offer encouraging words, or because Peter felt bad dragging James down with him (for a second time that night, mind) remained to be seen. “Yeah, alright, I could go for that. And, uh—” He cast a glance at the borrowed broom he’d ridden in the game. “Maybe you can teach me something or other once that poor broom has been given a leave of absence from me for a while?” He’d really rather abused it. If it had an engine on it, it’d have stalled. Sirius should never let him near the motorbike, he thought.

If there was one trait James never had a good hold on, it was his ability to always attempt to look on the bright side. If not for himself, at least for others. He knew Peter was bullying himself over it, seemed to do that quite often about a string of things but that wasn’t a deterrent in any way. Peter’s idea had a twinkle lighting up James’ gaze and he nodded enthusiastically. 

“Pete. Of course. I’ll do you one better and let you use my broom. It’s better than that ruddy old thing. Maybe it’ll help.” James shook Peter gently, one hand still on his shoulder. “Keep up the moping and you’ll never get any better. You gotta pick yourself up, mate. Keep going when the going gets tough or whatever they say.”

Marlene had expected to see James on the day of his first Quidditch match—just not until after. She stuffed her right hand into one of her mittens and cocked an eyebrow at her cousin. 

“Is it whether or not I have anything to stop your nervous Nelly nausea?” Marlene teased. “‘Cause I don’t.”

“Who said I’m nervous? I’m not nervous.” James puffed up his chest to feign that he was 100% great and not bothered but he knew Marlene was likely to see through it. 

He sighed after a second, pushing his glasses up on his nose. “Madam Commentator, do a poor Gryffindor a favor and only say nice things about him, even if he does something stupid during the match, which he really hopes he doesn’t. Please and thank you.”

Lifting his head, Remus’ expression warmed at the other wizard’s words, a soft flush spreading across his scarred cheeks and a smile pulling at his lips. To anyone else, the gesture and comment might seem simple or commonplace: listening to a song and enjoying a snack and a smoke. You might blink and miss it. However, in this moment, Remus wasn’t alone. And better yet, James had called him mate and meant the words when he said them. He wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to way that sounded. He had never considered himself a lucky person, but the last few months felt had the werewolf doubting everything he had known before. Letting out an exhale of smoke with a unfading smile, Remus nodded.

“I can’t wait to see that. Maybe some News of the World— the opening number seems like it’d fit for a match.

“Just a few days until the game now, right?”

It went without saying that James got along with most people but he could also say that he hadn’t ever met anyone like Remus. He was interesting while closed off and James wanted to extend his friendship. He wanted them to be friends. It was seemingly working out for him, little bits and pieces of Remus becoming revealed to him slowly but surely. “Imagine if Davey let me have an intro song. The ladies would love it.” He teased, flipping one of the records around in his hands.

“What do you say to a little Mr. Blue Sky?” James moved only to switch the record carefully, having learned how to use one of these only recently. “And yeah, couple of days. Mad nervous being the first and all but you’ll see, I’m kind of a big deal.” He chuckled, waiting for the song to start up. “You gonna cheer me on?”

Getting his brain to stop running at a hundred miles an hour, was proving difficult for James at this rate. He peered across the common room and all he could see were the worried faces of his friends, each of them muttering about the rumors. A sigh left James’ lips as he got up and out of his chair, unable to sit still for the time being.  He scanned his surroundings for a second time until his eyes fell on a familiar face.

“Lily?” James spoke her name more softly than he ever had before, more sullen in voice and expression. He thought for a moment before sitting down beside her, unsure of what to even say to her. “I thought I’d come see how you’re doing. If that’s alright.”

Peter looked up at James, and though he wanted there to be gratefulness plastered on his face the closest he managed was ‘gratefully skeptical’. “Counts for rather a lot,” he agreed. “if you’re taking your first flying lesson in Primary.” He slipped his hands from the borrowed riding gloves, and placed them on the bench. He hadn’t planned on playing in the first place, so he couldn’t justify being disappointed. Even so, he was. “You were brilliant though. Really. I’m just going to be bummed about it anyway, I think.” It was rather an emotionally mature thing for someone who was often emotionally immature to say. 

James shook his head, unable to stop himself from chortling softly. “Come on, mate. You stood your own. You can’t give yourself shit like that. We lost, just gotta make sure it’s the last, you know?” He clapped Peter on the back, shaking his head. He thought he’d be more brokenhearted but this was just the start of the season. No blaming Peter for spilled milk. “I was pretty good, wasn’t I?” James lightly joked with him, poking him in the ribs. “We’ll get you something at the after party, see if we can’t make it sting less, yeah?”