I Love young Men!

This works.

I didn’t even want to go to the party. My roommate dragged me there. I had just been dumped by a girl, and he thought a night out would do me some good. The music sucked. The beer sucked. I wanted to go home. And then this guy showed up. Fuck, he was hot. I knew I had stirrings in me. Desires. I’d never been with a guy, but I was starting to want that. And I wanted him.

I tried to talk to him, but I couldn’t get up the nerve. I can be such a pussy at times. And then some drunk sorority girl announced a game of “Spin the Bottle,” which I hadn’t played since high school. “The only rule is you HAVE to kiss whomever the bottle points to,” she drunkenly squawked. “And YES, boys might have to kiss boys and girls might have to kiss girls. Grow up, people!”

We all got in a circle, and the game started. I took a swig of Natty Light and suddenly everyone was looking at me. I looked down and the bottle was pointing right at me. I then looked up and the hot-as-fuck guy was crossing the circle to kiss me. Fuck.

“KISS HIM … KISS HIM,” erupted in chant around us. The hot guy was then in my face. “I’m Gabe,” he said. “Looks like we gotta kiss, bro.” He asked if I was afraid. I shook my head. Then suddenly … suddenly I was experiencing the most amazing kiss of my life. As Gabe’s tongue probed my mouth, an electric charge burst through me. Time stopped. My heart stopped. And then … WHAM.

Our lips had parted and I was sucked back to reality. Gabe was smiling at me as cheers erupted around us. “Get a room,” some drunk frat guy jeered, and then everyone laughed, and the game continued. I thought I was going to pass out. Or puke. I couldn’t breathe, so I made a quick exit to the cool air on the apartment’s balcony. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

“That was pretty intense,” a voice came from behind me. It was Gabe. “Was that your first time … uh … kissing a guy?” he asked softly. I nodded. “Wow. I kinda got the feeling you liked it,” he smiled. I nodded again. “Hey, you wanna get out of here?” he offered. “Maybe get some coffee?”

Gabe took me to a nearby, all-night coffee shop, where we talked non-stop for three hours straight. A bond grew between us, stronger than anything I had ever experienced. Gabe then took me home to my apartment … and kissed me at my door. We didn’t fuck. Well, not that night at least.

The girl who had dumped me texted the next morning wanting to get back together. I told her I had moved on, that I’m seeing someone else. His name is Gabe.

This works.

With this new voicemail, gooner goon’d revealed that he’s not coy and that he is a fucking gooner with the voice of a real stud. Yeah, we do wanna fucking monkeygoon with him.