JOY ââŽïžËïœĄâ '99 â she/her â filipina â infp â taurus â usa
‿ writing + reading fics about my fave boys for fun and occasionally crashing out
‿ asks are open, come say hi!
â this blog is 18+ â minors dni!
â twit/x - let's be moots!
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A heat advisory remains in effect until further notice. Meteorologists have confirmed that this season's unusually high temperatures can be traced to a persistent system known as Stray Kids. Residents should expect long days, warm nights, lowered inhibitions, and a sharp decline in good judgment.
Management has been advised to remind guests that @binniebb and @joyracha cannot be held liable for any poor decisions, questionable behavior, or unexpected entanglements resulting from prolonged exposure. Proceed with caution.
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âïž DEEP END âź BINNIEBB
bang chan x reader
summer mvp was supposed to be a harmless summer incentive until chris bang turned it into war. now the only thing hotter than the country club pool deck is how badly you want your smug, shirtless rival to lose control first.
đ„ WHEN THE SMOKE CLEARS âź JOYRACHA
‷ part one ⟠part two
lee know x reader ; smau
you take up a new summer jobâbeing a fire lookout for the forest service at a national park. youâre added to a group chat and get to know the man in the neighboring tower.
đïž CABIN FEVER âź BINNIEBB
changbin x reader
camp skz has rules for swimming, hiking, campfires, and pretty much every possible disaster. too bad thereâs no rule against falling for the counselor who carries you out of the woods and into a summer-long problem.
đą TEQUILA SUNRISE âź JOYRACHA
hyunjin x reader
being a travel blogger has its perks; you get to travel the world, eat delicious food, andâŠdance with a mysterious, handsome stranger on a cruise?
đĄ DUNK HIM! âź JOYRACHA
han x reader
youâre just trying to volunteer for a summer charity event at the pier, but you meet an infuriatingly handsome guy who makes it his mission to get under your skin
đ° PROOFING TIME âź BINNIEBB
felix x reader
at honeycrumb bakery, the ovens arenât the only thing making the kitchen unbearably hot. unfortunately, your biggest weakness wears a flour-covered apron and answers to the name felix.
âŸïž IT STARTED OUT WITH A KISS âź JOYRACHA
seungmin x reader
you meet by chance at a baseball game, so he asks you to be his plus one for a wedding. the catch? pretending to be his girlfriend for a whole weekend. what happens when you actually start to like him?
đĄ GOOD âOL NEIGHBORLY CONDUCT âź BINNIEBB
i.n x reader
the whole neighborhood wants jeongin mowing their lawns, fixing their fences, and cleaning their pools for the summer. you just want him shirtless in your yard, forgetting every good manner he has.
weather officials confirm: the humidity is rising, the tension is building, and conditions are becoming increasingly slippery. due to dangerously high levels of stray kids activity, viewers are encouraged to stay hydrated and keep their hands to themselves...
Remember when joining fandom as a younger person meant lurking for a bit and figuring out the vibe and etiquette instead of coming in on day one and calling people weirdos for liking weirdo shit in the weirdo factory.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
summary: four ex-couples are brought together to test whether love can end, restart or transform. youâre not sure which path is yours yet - closure, a new beginning or the courage to try again
< part 13 | alternative ending >
âfive more minutesâ, you mumble against his chest, your voice still heavy with sleep.
seungmin laughs softly under you, one of his hands moving through your hair while the other stays wrapped around your waist beneath the sheets.
âmmhm, you said that ten minutes agoâ, he says and you can tell heâs smiling.
âi know, but i mean it this timeâ, you say, getting even closer to him, and he knows you donât mean it this time either.
ây/n, you have an interview in two hoursâ
you groan and bury your face deeper into him immediately, your arms tightening around his body.
âplease, donât remind meâ
his chest shakes under you as he laughs again and then you feel him tilting his head to look down at you.
âyouâre nervousâ, he says, matter of fact.
âno, iâm notâ
âyes, you areâ
you sigh and snuggle closer to him, âokay⊠maybe a littleâ
âa little?â, he laughs, amused.
you lift your head just enough to glare at him weakly, âthis is my future weâre talking about, kim seungminâ
his expression softens at that, like it always does with you now. one year later and he still looks at you like your feelings are the most important thing in the world.
âyouâre gonna do amazingâ, he says quietly.
you shake your head, âyou donât know thatâ
âbut i know you and youâre amazingâ
your chest warms at his words and you have to look away for a second because somehow he still affects you too much, especially now, after everything.
âiâm seriousâ, he says, âiâm sure they already love your book and they will want to publish itâ
you sigh again, your fingers absentmindedly playing with his t-shirt, âbut what if they donât?â
âthen theyâre stupidâ
you laugh at that, âseungmin!â
âiâm seriousâ, he says again, pulling you closer against him, âyouâve worked on this book for almost a year. youâve stayed up all night countless times, just writing and then writing again when you didnât like something. youâve put your whole heart into thisâ, he says as his fingers brush gently against your cheek, âand i know you, and you donât do things halfwayâ
you stare at him and god, you love him so much. and maybe the most beautiful part is that now you can finally love him without fear attached to it, without confusion or constantly feeling like he might disappear again.
everything that once hurt between you had healed slowly after the show ended. it wasnât magically or overnight, no, but patiently, carefully, you two kept choosing each other again and again until it became easy, until loving each other stopped feeling terrifying or something that could shatter and just started feeling safe.
the show ended exactly a year ago, a whole year since seungmin walked through that white door and looked at you like you still were his whole world. you both left together that night, no hesitation or doubts anymore, you just left together, your hands intertwined while the cameras followed you outside for the last time.Â
two months after that, you moved back in together, back into this apartment that was your home together, then became your constant reminder of him when he wasnât there, and now itâs your home again. but now you know what it feels like to lose each other and neither of you wants to go through that again.
your life together after the show has been beautiful - quiet mornings, late night convenience store runs, falling asleep tangled together on the sofa, cooking dinner together while played in the background, seungmin editing photos at his desk while you wrote beside him for hours in silence.
home, thatâs what it became again, your home.
and now here he is beside you in bed, his hair messy from sleep and his eyes still warm and soft while he looks at you like you the most precious thing heâs ever had.
you groan and hide your face in his neck, âwhat if i embarrass myself?â
âyou wonâtâ
âwhat if they hate me?â
âthey wonâtâ, he says, quicker this time, no room for hesitation.
âwhat if i faint?â
at that he laughs again, much harder than before, a full laugh, bright and beautiful.Â
âbaby, youâre being dramaticâ
you gasp against his neck, âiâm notâ
âyou absolutely areâ
you lift your head and narrow your eyes at him before you try to pull away from his arms.
âokay then, since youâve decided to bully me this early in the morning-â
but before you can finish speaking, seungmin suddenly grabs your waist tighter and then, attacks his fingers dig into your sides mercilessly and you immediately shriek.
âseungmin-â
âwhat?â
âs-stop- n-no, pleaseâ
you break into uncontrollable laughter as you try to escape him while he just keeps tickling you under the sheets.
âminnie, p-pleaseâ
ânoâ, he says, laughing as much as you.
ây-youâre impossibleâ
âand youâre dramaticâ
âb-but you l-love me!â
âi doâ, he says immediately.
the words come so naturally now, so easy that it seems like theyâre engraved in his lips. and it doesnât matter that youâve heard them a thousand times before, they still make your heart stumble every single time.
you stop laughing and look at him, seungmin looking at you the moment he sees you watching him. his hands slow against your waist as you try to catch your breath while he looks at you with those eyes that always undo you completely.
his fingers brush gently against your cheek and then he lends down and kisses you, making you melt against his lips. one of your hands slides into his hair while his arm wraps tighter around your waist beneath the sheets, pulling you fully against him. you kiss him again and again, your kisses mixed with your laughter every time one of you smiles too much against the otherâs lips to keep kissing properly.
âiâm so in love with youâ, you whisper against his lips.
he smiles, âgoodâ
you laugh and pull away, âgood?â
âyeahâ, he says, kissing you once more, âgoodâ
âthatâs it? thatâs all you have to say?â
âwhat else do you want me to say, huh?â, he says, leaning in trying to kiss you again but you just push his chest while you shake your head.
âi donât know, something like you love me too or that you love me even more or something like-â
he doesnât let you finish, because he leans in again and succeeds this time when he presses your lips together this time, making you smile against them.
âiâm so in love with you, y/n, you have no ideaâ
your heart feels so full it almost hurts so you do the only thing you can think of, you kiss him again and again until he groans against your lips and then collapses fully on top of you now, this time itâs his turn to cling.
âyou know what?â, he mumbles, âactually forget the interview. stay here with meâ
you burst out laughing, âoh my god, minnieâ
âjust five more minutesâ
âyou⊠hypocriteâ
âpleaseâ, he whines, tightening his arms around you, âiâm just a man in loveâ
you laugh harder, your fingers sliding through his messy hair while he buries his face against your chest.
âyouâre unbelievableâ
âmmhmâ, he mumbles against you, âbut iâm still not letting you leaveâ
you smile so hard your cheeks hurt as your fingers continue brushing through his hair gently while the sunlight keeps filling the room around you. seungmin closes his eyes beneath your touch like he never wants to move again, like this is all he ever needed - you, your home together, in peace, finally.
the editor smiles at you from across the table and closes the printed manuscript carefully before placing both of her hands over it.Â
âi loved itâ, she says smiling at you.
you blink at her, almost like you didnât hear her properly.
âwhat?â
she laughs softly at your expression, âyour bookâ, she says again, âi loved itâ
you feel your entire body go warm and she takes the opportunity to continue speaking.
âyou write emotions beautifullyâ, she says, flipping one of the pages open again briefly, âand the relationship of the main characters feels very real. painfully real at times i would sayâ
you let out a nervous laugh because if she only knew.
âthereâs something very honest about it, especially the way you write about love after loss. most people usually write second chance romances like fantasy, but yours feelsâŠâ, she pauses for a moment, searching for the right word, âlived⊠realâ
your throat tightens immediately because it was lived, every page and chapter of your book, every heartbreak was definitely lived. you poured yourself into this book when you didn't know what else to do with your feelings. when loving seungmin felt impossible when he left, when your heart had nowhere to go except onto paper, when the show felt too complicated to even exist there, when seungmin came back and loving him felt like something you could never escape from.
the editor smiles softly again, âwe still need to have a final meeting with the rest of the team but personally? i think this has a lot of potentialâ, she says as you stare at her, still trying to understand that this is finally happening, âweâd really like to publish it, y/nâ
and suddenly your eyes burn. you bow quickly in your seat, completely overwhelmed and not sure of what to do.
âthank youâ, you say breathlessly, âreally, thank you so muchâ
she smiles again, âweâll contact you soon after the meeting, but you should be really proud of yourselfâ
proud.
you feel like you could cry there and then, so you just shake hands politely, bow once more and then manage to leave her office without completely bursting into tears - you donât really know how you pull that off to be honest.
the second the door closes behind you, you grab your phone and immediately call seungmin, your fingers shaking as you do it, and he answers instantly, like he was already waiting for your call.
âwell?â
you laugh breathlessly, âshe loved itâ
âwhat?â
âseungmin, she loved it!â, you repeat louder now, unable to stop smiling, âand she said they want to publish itâ
thereâs a second of silence and then-
âi knew it!
you burst out laughing in the middle of the hallway, hearing seungmin screaming and cheering for you on the other end of the line.
âi knew it, i knew it!â, seungmin continues loudly, âi told you, baby, i told you theyâd love itâ
your smile hurts now but youâre so happy, so fucking happy.
âshe said they still need to have another meetingâ, you explain quickly while walking towards the lifts, âbut she said it has potential and that she wants to publish it and-â
âiâm proud of youâ
his words make you stop completely and you stand there in the middle of the hallway, your smile impossibly bigger and your eyes finally letting some tears fall down your face. seungminâs voice grows quieter after that.
âiâm really proud of you babyâ
you close your eyes while your tears still fall, âi love you, minnieâ, you whisper and he can hear the smile on your voice.
he laughs softly through the phone, âi love you too, babyâ
you hear movement on his side of the call, the keys jingling you think.
âwhere are you?â, you ask him as you start walking again.Â
âiâm coming to pick you upâ, he says and you hear the door closing.
âwhat?â
âi already spoke to minhoâ, he says, âweâre meeting all of them in like an hour anyway, so we have some timeâ
you smile instantly, âminnieâ
âwhat?â
âyou donât need to come get me, i can go home and then we can leave togetherâ
âi know i donât have to, but i want toâ
your heart melts completely and you can hear his smile through the phone.
âiâll meet you downstairs in fifteen minutesâ
you laugh softly, âokay, iâll wait for you in the cafeteriaâ
âokay⊠and baby?âÂ
âyes?â
âyou did itâ
the words hit you harder than anything else today, because itâs true - you did it. you swallow quickly, then smile to yourself again.
âyeahâ, you whisper softly while stepping inside the lift, âi did itâ
you end the call and then the lift begins descending. you lean back against the mirrored wall, staring at your reflection while your heartbeat slowly calms. itâs crazy to think that itâs been one year since everything fell apart and somehow led you exactly where you were always meant to be.Â
you think about that version of yourself sometimes - the girl crying against windows while storms raged outside who was terrified of hurting everyone, the girl who thought love had become something painful and impossible for her.Â
you barely recognise her now, not because she disappeared, no. but because she survived and she finally found peace afterwards. the show changed everything for you.
it forced you and seungmin to finally face everything you had been too afraid to admit before - the hurt, the love, the fear, the longing, all of it. and somehow after all that chaos, after all the tears and the heartbreak, what remained was simple, you loved him and he loved you and your love survived anyway.Â
the show also gave you a new found family - lily, minho and han. they were the people you met in the middle of heartbreak and became your family afterwards. and lily and minho could both say the same thing, because no longer after the show ended, they started dating and now theyâre looking for places to move in together.Â
you still see yuna and changbin sometimes too, but their lives are a bit more hectic than yours. youâve seen them in occasional dinners and your birthday parties, and you text a lot, but still, they are some of the people you really want to keep in your life.
you saw yeong a bit more right after the show ended, but youâre not really in contact with her now. you think it might be because of minho and lily dating, so you donât really blame her for becoming more distant now. feelings are feelings after all.Â
you obviously donât see hae or havenât heard from her, like⊠none, zero, nada. not that youâre interested in seeing her to be honest.
and chanâŠ
your chest softens slightly at the thought. things ended peacefully between you in the end, painfully but peacefully. the last time you saw him was the day before the show ended, when you went to their lodge looking for seungmin and you found him there instead. he had told changbin he needed distance to move on properly and you understood.Â
youâll probably always care about him in some way, but you know some people arenât meant to stay forever in your life. some people arrive in your life to help you understand something before letting you go. and maybe that was what chan had been for you - a lesson, a comfort during a moment where you felt completely lost.
but seungmin⊠seungmin was your home, and he always had been.
the show gave you love again, your home, it gave you people who stayed and also, in the middle of all that chaos, your heartbreak became a book. a book that someone now wanted to publish - your dream, your love story, your second chance, your opportunity to love again, all of it became real.
who knows if someone could read your book and hope that it would be the same for them too.Â
the doors finally open downstairs and you start walking towards the cafeteria, which is much quieter than usual when you walk in. thereâs soft music playing somewhere in the background and when you look to the counter, you see felix and jeongin working there, both of them workers there who you have met during the last months, whenever you came to the meetings and such.Â
the moment they see you, both of them straighten immediately behind the counter.
âand?â, felix asks you, his eyes wide and hopeful, âhow did it go?â
you canât even stop your smile before it spreads across your face again and apparently thatâs enough answer for them because both of them react immediately.
âno way!â, jeongin says loudly, smiling big and bright at you.
felix gasps and then points at you, âthey liked it!?â
you laugh again, still feeling like none of this is actually real and youâre gonna wake up any moment now.
âshe said they want to publish itâ, you tell them.
felix lets out the loudest scream and jeongin walks towards you, grabbing your shoulders the moment he gets close enough.
âcongratulation, y/n!â, jeongin says.
âi knew it!â, felix says, walking towards you too, âi told you the last time you came hereâ
you laugh harder as both of them start talking over each other excitedly.
âthis is so cool, y/n!â, felix says.
âyouâre gonna be a published authorâ, jeongin says.
âa real author now!â
your cheeks hurt from smiling so much. the three of you end up laughing together in the cafeteria, while both of them just keep congratulating you and celebrating.
âyou will have to sign my copy when itâs outâ, felix says.
âno, you have to sign mine firstâ, jeongin argues.
âno, mine! i met her first, you werenât here the first day she came!â, felix says.
âwell, i met seungmin first so thatâs 1-1â, jeongin says.
you laugh softly and shake your head. god, everything feels so good today, almost perfect, thereâs no way this day could get any better.
felix leans back against the counter and smiles at you more softly after a moment.
âseriously thoughâ, he says, âiâm sure you must have worked really hard for this, y/n, you should be proud of yourselfâ
you look down shyly for a second, âthank you, felixâ
âi canât wait to read itâ, jeongin adds, âno, seriously, the way you talked about it every time you came here me want to read it and iâm not really a book guy to be honestâ
you laugh, âthatâs bad, you know?â
âyeah, really badâ, felix says, teasing him too, âwe work in the cafeteria of a publishing house, you should be ashamed of yourselfâ
jeongin flips felix off and you start laughing again, shaking your head looking at the scene.Â
âokay, so before you two continue judging meâ, jeongin says, gesturing towards the menu behind felix, âmiss author, coffee? cake? tea? ice cream?â
you smile and shake your head again, âno, thank you. seungminâs picking me up in a bitâ
both of them look at each other and smirk knowingly.
âooohâ, felix says, smirking at you now.Â
âdate nightâ, jeongin says.
âjeongin, itâs middayâ, you tell him.
âand? love doesnât know timeâ, you burst out laughing again, and he continues, âyouâre disgusting actually, both of youâ
âyouâre just jealous of themâ, felix says, hitting his shoulder softly.
âthat would be correct but letâs pretend itâs notâ, jeongin answers, making you all laugh again.Â
felix suddenly looks over you shoulder then and smiles brightly, âoh, hiâ
you turn and there he is, seungmin, walking towards you with that soft smile already on his face. your heart reacts to it instantly, it always will. heâs wearing simple black jeans and one of his shirts you keep stealing from him in the mornings when itâs the first thing your hands can reach to cover your naked body after you made love until late hours in the night.Â
he reaches you and immediately leans down to kiss your cheek softly.
âhi, babyâ
âhiâ, you say, smiling up at him.
he greets felix and jeongin warmly, bowing politely while they start teasing him.
âseungmin, youâre gonna have a famous girlfriend nowâ, felix says, grinning at both of you.
seungmin looks at you proudly, âi knowâ
your chest melts but you donât get to say anything before jeongin speaks this time.
âyou better spoil her tonight, okay?â, he tells seungmin.
seungmin nods his head, âalready planning toâ
you laugh while jeongin groans again, âi hate couplesâ
âyouâll survive, donât worryâ, you tell him, all of you laughing.Â
after another few minutes of talking and teasing, seungmin reaches for your hand, naturally and effortlessly, like it belongs there, which it does.
âcome onâ, he says softly, âwe should goâ
you say goodbye to felix and jeongin while they keep yelling congratulations after you and then leave the building together. the second you walk outside, you turn to seungmin but you barely even get a chance to speak because he pulls you gently towards him and kisses you, properly this time, so slow and soft that it steals your breath completely.Â
you move your fingers to his shirt, curling there instinctively while he kisses you like heâs waiting to do that since the moment he arrived, even since the moment you left your apartment that morning. you melt into his lips, feeling like you could fly away at any moment, but his lips against yours are the only thing keeping you there. when he pulls away, youâre breathless, blinking up at him while he smiles softly against your lips.
âwhat was that for?â, you whisper, so out of it that youâre not even sure if you said those words out loud or only in your head.
âthatâ, he says, brushing his nose against yours, âwas to tell you how proud i am of youâ
âseungminâŠâ
âi mean itâ, he says, âyou did it, my loveâ
you look at him and then smile again, so hard it hurts your face, but you donât care. he smiles too, that soft and beautiful smile that once destroyed you and now only makes you feel safe. then he intertwines your fingers together and starts walking slowly beside you.
âthe restaurantâs closeâ, he says, âand we have time, so i thought we could walk thereâ
you squeeze his hand gently, âiâd like thatâ
he lifts your joined hands and kisses your knuckles softly before continuing down the street with you beside him, like he plans to do for the rest of his life. you honestly donât think heâll ever stop touching you whenever he can and you donât think youâll ever get tired of it.Â
âyou knowâ, he says beside you, âi think i need to start preparing mentallyâ
you look at him, confused, âfor what?â
he sighs dramatically, and you know then heâs joking.
âfor what felix saidâ, he says, âmy girlfriend becoming famousâ
you burst out laughing, âseungmin-â
âno, seriouslyâ, he continues with complete seriousness now, or at least as much as he can pretend, âsoon people are gonna stop us on the streetâ
âoh my godâ
âyouâll become this huge authorâ, he continues, âand then iâll have to protect youâ
you laugh harder, âprotect me from what exactly?â
âthe paparazzi obviouslyâ
âthere are no paparazzi, seungminâ
ânot right now, but there will beâ, he says and nods to himself confidently, âiâll become your bodyguardâ
you snort, âyou?â
âyesâ, he says and squeezes your hand, âiâll wear sunglasses indoors and stand behind you like thisâ
he suddenly straightens his posture dramatically and places his free hand on his ears like heâs listening to someone saying something and then scans the river like he's a security personnel.
you laugh so hard your stomach hurts, âyouâre ridiculousâ
âsome would say iâm the perfect boyfriend but whateverâ
âdebatableâ
he gasps softly beside you, âyou wound meâ
you shake your head while smiling helplessly and seungmin looks at you with that fond expression he always gets now whenever you laugh too hard, like your happiness is the most beautiful thing heâll ever see. then his fingers brush softly against yours again.
âsoâ, he says more quietly after a moment, âwhat now?â
you look at him, âwhat do you mean?â
âthe bookâ, he shrugs casually, but you know him too well, âwhat happens now?â
you narrow your eyes suspiciously, âyou mean the story?â
âmmhmâ
but thereâs something in his voice, something much softer, almost delicate. you stare at him for another second before realisation settles inside your chest and you smile faintly to yourself because you know what heâs really asking.Â
itâs not about the book, itâs about you and him, about your future. the book had always been inspired by both of you, the characters and their heartbreak and then their second chance. anyone reading it would never fully know, but seungmin does. he sees himself hidden between the pages every time he reads it and now heâs asking you what comes after the ending.Â
âwhat do you think happens?â, you ask him softly.
he smiles a little at that. to anyone else it would sound like youâre discussing fictional characters but neither of you is really talking about fiction anymore.
âi thinkâ, he says slowly, âthe sequel should be less traumaticâ
you laugh quietly, âyeah, definitely less traumaticâ, you smile while looking ahead the river again and continue talking, âi think⊠that maybe they finally learn how to love each other properlyâ
seungminâs face softens instantly beside you, âthey already doâ
your heart stumbles softly but you continue anyway because suddenly this conversation feels fragile somehow, much more important.
âand i also think that theyâŠâ, you say quietly, âthey move to a different place, a big house this timeâ
âmmhmâ
âwith lots of windowsâ
âbecause the girl loves the sunlightâ, he says simply but his words hit you gently, deeply, because you do love the sunlight and itâs something that you told him on your first date and he hasnât forgotten.
you look down for a second because somehow after all this time he can still make you shy.
âand maybeâŠâ, you continue softly, âthey stop being scared all the timeâ
seungmin looks at you then, âthey definitely do thatâ
you smile faintly.
âand maybe they get married eventuallyâ
the words leave your mouth casually, too fast, you donât even think about them, but your heart starts beating faster and seungmin notices so he tightens his hand around yours softly.
âyeah?â, he asks you carefully.
you try to act normal, âyeahâ
âwhat kind of wedding would they have?â
you look at him suspiciously now because heâs way too invested in this.
âseungminâ
âwhat? i wanna know all the details of the sequel, i donât care if theyâre spoilersâ
you laugh and pretend to think for a moment before you answer him.Â
âmaybe something smallâ, you say.
âsmall?â
âyeahâ
he thinks for a second and adds, ânear the oceanâ
your chest warms at that, ânear the ocean, yeahâ
âwith terrible weatherâ
you laugh, âabsolutely terrible weatherâ
âyeah, like a storm maybeâ, he says, laughing too.
âthat rings a bellâ
he grins proudly and then after a moment he says something else, casually, but itâs not.
âand they would probably have children, right?â
you choke slightly, âchildren?â
âyeahâ
you stare at him now and heâs trying so hard not to smile.
âyouâre insaneâ
âwhat? iâm just brainstorming hereâ
âsureâ
you both keep walking slowly beside the river while people pass around you and the sky shines bright above you.
âhow many?â, he asks you.
âwhat?â
âkidsâ
you laugh in disbelief, âminnieâ
âoh come on, this is important for the plotâ
you shake your head while smiling helplessly, âi donât know⊠maybe two?â
he immediately shakes his head, ânoâ
you blink, âno?â
âthreeâ
you stare at him in shock, âthree!?â
âyesâ, he says, nodding his head.Â
âthatâs a lot of childrenâ
âitâs literally one more childâ
âthatâs still a whole person, kim seungminâ
he laughs loudly beside you, âyouâd be beautiful pregnantâ
your jaw drops immediately, âoh my god?â, he laughs even harder now while you hit his arm repeatedly, âyou canât just say things like that!â
âwhy not?â
âbecause⊠because you just canât, okay?â
heâs still laughing while pulling you closer against him.
âokay, okayâ
âunbelievableâ, you say, shaking your head, but you canât hide the smile on your face.
âbut imagine it thoughâ
you look at him and you can see heâs not joking anymore. thereâs something softer in his eyes now, like he can actually see everything youâve been talking about - a home, children running around, you beside him, all of that forever.Â
âwhat would their names be?â, you ask him quietly, before you can stop yourself.
his expression changes instantly because now he knows youâre imagining it too and the realisation makes him smile so softly it almost makes you cry just looking at him.
âwellâ, he says thoughtfully, âwe would have two girls and a boy and-
âyou already planned it?â
âobviouslyâ
you laugh again, âhow many times have you thought about this?â
âiâve lost track to be honestâ, he says smiling softly and looking down shy for a moment before continuing, âfor the girls i like bada and soyunâ
you blink and you can feel your heart getting warmer and you have to stop yourself from crying.
âthatâs actually really pretty, minnieâ
he grins shyly at you before continuing, âand for the boy i like yoojinâ
somehow it becomes this whole conversation after that, and you go from names to schools to whose personality the kids would inherit to who should be the one reading bed time stories each night. and through all of it, both of you know what this conversation really is. neither of you says it out loud but every glance lingers for too long and every smile feels to knowing because somehow without directly saying it, youâre talking about forever and the beautiful part is that you both want the same version of it.
eventually seungmin looks ahead and suddenly brightens.
âice cream!â, he says, pointing at something ahead of you.
you follow his gaze and spot the small stall near the path and start laughing.
âseriously? weâre meeting the others to eat in a bitâ
âand?â
âand you want ice cream now?â
he looks genuinely confused, âyesâ
you shake your head fondly and he just grins when you finally nod.
âokay, fineâ
âwait there for meâ, he says, pointing towards the safety railing surrounding the han river.
you smile softly at him, âyes, mr. bodyguardâ
âsee? youâre already respecting my authorityâ
you laugh while walking towards the railing and seungmin heads towards the ice cream stall still smiling to himself. you rest your arms against the railing and smile to yourself while watching the sunlight dance across the water. this, this right here, is everything you used to dream about when you were younger.
you think about the conversation you just had with seungmin, about the weddings and children and books and sequels and forever disguised as jokes, and you smile again because deep down, you know that no matter what your future looks like, itâs going to be okay because heâll be there.Â
you hear your phone buzz in your pocket and you already start laughing before even checking it.
âunbelievableâ, you mumble to yourself.
perks of dating a photographer, apparently. you pull your phone out and unlock it, already expecting exactly what it is - a text from seungmin, a photo to be exact. you shake your head fondly while opening the text and seeing the photo. in it, youâre standing by the railing with your back turned towards the camera, your hair moving in the breeze while the sunlight melts into the river in front of you.
your heart melts instantly because somehow he always captures you exactly the way he sees you, like youâre the most precious thing heâs ever loved.
you smile at the photo before your eyes drift lower and then freeze.
at the very bottom of the photo, slightly blurred but still visible enough for you to see it, thereâs something in the corner of the frame.
a small open box and inside it, a ring.
your breath catches so suddenly it hurts and your eyes widen as your brain tries to process what youâre seeing.
no.
no way.
your heart starts pounding violently against your ribs and you look up from your phone, and then you turn around so fast your stomach flips and there he is.
seungmin, right in front of you.
on one knee.
the same ring box in his hands.
your breath leaves your lungs completely, âseungminâŠâ
his eyes are already glassy, red around the edges, emotional in that way he always gets when heâs trying very hard not to cry. everything feels blurred and distant now because all you can see is him, just him there in front of you.
you cover your mouth with both hands as tears flood your eyes, âoh my god, minnie-â
âbabyâ, he says quickly, already laughing nervously through his own tears, please let me talk before i start crying too muchâ
you laugh helplessly, the sound breaking apart with your sobs while you nod your head rapidly. he exhales shakily and looks at you like youâre the only thing keeping him breathing, and maybe you are.
âi had this whole speech plannedâ, he admits, laughing breathlessly, âand now i canât remember any of it because youâre crying and now iâm crying tooâ
you shake your head while tears stream down your cheeks and then he smiles at you, that damn smile. the smile that survived everything, the smile that once broke your heart and then spent a lot of time finding its way back to you.
âyou knowâ, he says softly, âwhen we talked about the sequel just nowâŠâ, you laugh through your tears again, âthe wedding, the kids⊠our futureâ, he says, his voice shaking, âi wasnât really talking about the bookâ
your chest caves in completely, âi knowâ, you say, your voice not much louder than a whisper.
he looks down for a second, collecting himself, before looking back at you again. and thereâs so much love in his face that it nearly destroys you, but itâs also enough to pull all of your pieces back together again.
ây/n⊠you are the love of my lifeâ, he says quietly, and the world stops, âyou always have beenâ
your tears fall harder and he continues talking, smiling at you.
âi knew it even back thenâ, he says, his voice trembling now, âwhen we first met and we were younger and stupid and thought love was supposed to be easyâ, he laughs weakly, âbut even when everything fell apart⊠even when we lost each other⊠even when i thought i ruined everything beyond repair⊠even when i thought i was going to lose you againâŠâ, his eyes shine, âit was still youâ
your knees feel weak as a sob leaves your lips.
âi tried so hard to survive without youâ, he whispers, âbut nothing ever felt fully right without you thereâ, he wipes at his eyes quickly with the back of his hand before continuing, âand then we found each other againâ, your chest aches so painfully it feels beautiful, it almost feels poetic, âwe went through hell to get back here, literally national hellâ, he says with a shaky laugh.
you laugh loudly through your crying and he smiles at hearing it.
âbut i would do all of it again if it meant ending up with youâ, the sun catches against the tears on his cheeks as he whispers, âyouâre my home, y/n. youâre my safest place. my favourite person. my best friend. my foreverâ, his voice cracks then, âand i donât want a single future that doesnât have you in itâ
you cry harder at his words.
âi want all of it with youâ, he says, âi want the wedding. i want the house getting too noisy because our kids inherited your personality and my inability to say no to themâ
you laugh wetly and he laughs with you.
âi want to eat ice cream with you at midnight. i want to edit my photos while you write your books next to me. i want to wake up next to you when weâre old and we need to get ready to eat with our children and grandchildren tooâ
his tears fall freely now too.
âi just want youâ, he says helplessly, âfor the rest of my lifeâ
youâre sobbing now, your hands still covering your mouth while your entire body shakes as you look at him.
âand i know we already found our way back to each other onceâ, he says softly, âbut this timeâŠâ, he opens the ring box and the diamond catches the sunlight, âthis time i never want to lose you againâ, his voice breaks completely, âso, y/nâŠâ, he laughs shakily through his tears, âwill you marry me?â
you nod your head before he even finishes speaking.
âyesâ, your voice breaks, âyes, yes-â, you laugh and cry at the same time, âof course i willâ
his entire face crumbles with emotion, âreally?â
âyes!â, you cry, âseungmin, yesâ
he stands up so quickly he nearly loses balance and you both laugh through your tears before he grabs your face with both of his hands. your hands clutch at his shirt and you realise both of you are crying uncontrollably now.
âyouâre really gonna marry me?â, he whispers like he still canât believe it.
you nod your head desperately, âin every lifetimeâ
that breaks him completely and he canât do anything else but kiss you right then and there.
nothing in your life has ever felt like this kiss. not your first kiss, not your kiss after you found your way back to each other, not the storm, not the heartbreak, nothing.
this kiss holds everything - every day apart, every chance, every âi miss youâ, every fear, every apology, every moment you spent finding your way back to each other.
his hand shake against your cheeks while he kisses you like he still canât believe you said yes, that youâre gonna spend your lives together. and at this moment, all you know is him and his mouth against yours and his tears mixing with yours and the sound of his shaky laugh when you smile against his lips becomes your favourite sound in the world.
âi love youâ, he whispers desperately between kissesâ
âi love you tooâ, you whisper in the same way.
and again.
and again.
like neither of you will ever get tired of hearing it.
he pulls away just enough to take the ring out of the box with trembling fingers and your breathing stutters when he gently takes your hand. the ring slides onto your finger perfectly and then he looks at it, looks at you, and starts crying all over again.
âoh my godâ, he laughs breathlessly, hiding his face in your neck, âyouâre really gonna marry meâ
you burst into laughter through your tears and throw your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you, and then he lifts his head just enough to catch your lips with his again.
âiâm so happyâ, you whisper against his lips, your voice trembling as fresh tears gather in your eyes.
seungmin laughs softly, his own eyes still wet as he presses his forehead against yours.
âi knowâ, he says, âi can feel your heartbeat from hereâ
you let out a watery laugh and hold onto him tighter, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt like you still need to make sure heâs really there and this is real, that after everything, after all the heartbreak and fear and almost losing each other forever, this is where you ended up.Â
together and engaged, still hopelessly in love.Â
âi love you so muchâ, you say and the words come out broken because thereâs simply too much emotion inside you now to say anything properly.
his entire expression softens immediately, a softness reserved only for you.
âi love you moreâ, he says.
âthatâs impossibleâ
ânoâ, he says seriously, wiping another tear from your cheek with his thumb, âyou donât understand. iâm obsessed with youâ
you burst into laughter through your tears and he smiles at the sound and then his eyes widen.
âwe have to go!â
âwhat?â
âwe have to goâ, he says again, âtheyâre waiting for usâ
your brain takes a second to catch up and then your eyes widen too, âwait-â
seungmin starts laughing immediately because he already know what youâre about to ask.
âthey knew?â
he tries to look innocent, âwellâŠâ
âkim seungminâ, he laughs harder while you stare at him in complete betrayal, âyou told them!? you told them you were gonna propose?â
âi had to!â
âoh my godâ
he grabs your hand again before you can walk away from him and presses another quick kiss to your lips.
âi didnât tell them when i was gonna do it thoughâ, he defends himself between laughs, âI just told them it was gonna happen eventuallyâ
your chest aches so hard it feels like your heart is physically overflowing. you grab his face and kiss him again, long and soft, smiling against his mouth halfway through because neither of you can stop smiling now. when you pull away, he brushes his nose against yours gently.
âi really did have this whole speech planned, by the wayâ, he says.
you laugh, âi know, minnieâ
âno, seriously. i practised in front of the mirror when you werenât homeâ
âthatâs adorableâ
âand it was good tooâ, he complains softly, âlike award winning levelâ
you laugh harder as he intertwines your fingers again and finally starts walking with you down the river and this time you stay impossibly close to him. your joined hands swing between you while your other hand wraps around his arm, holding onto him like you never want even an inch of distance between you again. seungmin looks down at you and immediately melts a little at how close youâre standing, then he kisses the top of your head softly.
âwhen did you even decide to do it?â, you ask him after a moment.
he smiles to himself, âhonestly?â
âyeahâ
âiâve known for a while nowâ, he admits, âbut todayâŠâ, his fingers squeeze yours gently, âwhen you called me after your meeting, you sounded so happyâ, he says softly, âand i just kept thinking about how badly i wanted to spend every version of your future beside youâ
your eyes burn instantly again.
âand then we had that conversation about the sequelâ, he continues, laughing softly, âand our fake definitely-not-real childrenâ
âexcuse you, theyâre very real nowâ
he grins, âright, sorryâ
âyou literally named all of themâ
âi did, yeahâ
you laugh again while he just looks ahead, a proud smile on his face. then your expression changes and you gasp loudly.
âwait the ice cream-â
seungmin immediately bursts into laughter.
âyou lied to me!?â
âiâm sorry, baby, i had to!â, he says as he doubles over laughing while you hit his arm lightly.
âyou were never gonna get ice cream, were you?â
ânoâ
âoh godâŠâ
âiâm sorry! i had to distract you somehow to ask you to become my future wifeâ
you cover your face while he laughs harder, âugh, i hate you so muchâ
âno, you donâtâ
you smile because, well, you obviously donât, you could never hate him, not in this lifetime, not in any of them. as you continue walking towards the restaurant, seungmin glances sideways at you with a mischievous smile.
âyou knowâ, he says casually, âyouâre gonna have people fighting to be your maid of honourâ
you start laughing, âoh god, youâre rightâ
âlilyâs gonna get violentâ
âshe absolutely willâ
âand han tooâ, he says laughing.
you snort loudly, âhe canât be my maid of honour, heâs a boyâ
âand you think that will stop him?â
you stare at him, âyeah, youâre right, he would definitely do itâ
you both burst into laughter just imagining it.
âlily would actually kill him, it would ruin the weddingâ, you say.
âi think itâd improve the wedding actuallyâ, he says.
you laugh so hard you have to stop walking for a second and seungmin watches you with the softest expression imaginable. when your laughter finally calms, he steps closer to you again, very close. his hand moves to your cheek and then the noise of the city feels distant again.
âi love you so muchâ he says quietly, but itâs as honest and certain like breathing.
your chest tightens at his words, âi love you too, seungminâ
he smiles and then lends down and kisses you again beneath the bright sky while the han river glows beside you and the city moves endlessly around the two of you.Â
and for the first time in your life, forever no longer feels frightening, because now you know exactly who youâll spend it with.
a/n: and this, my loves, is how reader and seungmin's love story ends đ„č we made it!! they're happy, together again and ENGAGED! howeverrrr... this is NOT the end of this series because there's ONE CHAPTER MORE: AN ALTERNATIVE ENDING 𫣠but i will tell you more about this in my next post because i don't want to make this a/n long so see you there vroooom vroooom
the library
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àż haven't you heard? I'm the internet girl! (MDNI)
joining chan in his... money earning side hustle turned out to be so much more fun than you expected.
"Welcome back, you degenerates," chan drawled to his audience, you were seated next to him on his bed, shy smile in place, "Miss me? Or just miss the view?"
alwaysbr1ckedup: omg is that his girlfriend shes so cute
user6969: same one as last time?
"And yes, user6969," he said, "donât think I didnât catch your little comment. â same one as last time?â" He snorted, shaking his head, then turning to you, "As if Iâd replace you after that performance. Youâre stuck with me, sweetheart."
He straightened up, rolling his shoulders, and the camera caught the way his shirt pulled tight across his chest. "Alright, enough nostalgia," he announced, clapping his hands once. "Tonightâs agenda? Making sure our guest here forgets her own name." He finally turned to you fully, "Hands behind your back, sweatheart."
The command wasnât harsh, but it wasnât optional either. You obeyed, and the moment your wrists settled against the small of your back, his fingers were there, looping the cuffs around them, soft fur tickling your wrist, the buckle clicking shut.
Then came a blindfold â silky fabric, warm from being tucked in his pocket, pressing gently over your eyes, drowning you in darkness and in turn heightening all your other senses.
quokktoobig: ready, set, goon!
hentaib00bs: Gojo who??
infinite_v0id: ^ Gojo mentioned?!
his fingers lingered at the back of your head for a second, adjusting the knot with a quiet hum. "There," he murmured, "Perfect." Then he was guiding you backward, his hands firm on your shoulders until your spine met the pillows.
Chan's weight dipped the mattress beside you, his knee brushing your thigh as he shifted to reach for something off camera. he clicked a button open, the quiet buzz of a vibrator turning on sent an immediate shiver down your spine â you knew that sound too well already.
The vibrator lingered just above your clit, the thin fabric of your panties doing nothing to dull the heat of it, the tease of it. Chan let it hover there, the vibrations dialed low, just enough to make your hips twitch up toward it instinctively. "Uh uh," he chided, his thumb pressing into the softness of your hip to hold you still. "You donât get to rush this."
he traced lazy circles, the pressure maddeningly light, it had your thighs tensing, your breath coming quicker. You could already feel the dampness between your legs, the way your body was reacting even before heâd really started.
Then, without warning, he increased the speed. The buzz deepened, rougher now, and your back arched off the bed as the vibrations shot straight through you. "hnnghâ" you gasped, your fingers twisting against the cuffs.
"Thatâs more like it," he mused, angling the toy a little lower, letting it grind against you in slow strokes. The fabric was soaked through now, and you could feel yourself getting closer with every pass â your muscles tightening, your pulse thudding in your ears.
Just as your hips started rocking up into it, Chan pulled it away. The sudden absence of it was almost painful, your body jerking forward trying to chase it, a whine tearing from your throat before you could stop it. "Oh, come on," you panted, shaking your head against the pillows.
"Oh, donât give me that," he said, and you could hear the grin in his voice. "You think I didnât see you edging yourself on the couch earlier? Trying to get a head start?" His fingers tapped once against your inner thigh, "No cheating, sweetheart. Youâre gonna earn it." The vibrator clicked off entirely, and you groaned, your thighs pressing together instinctively.
"Youâre so mean," the words barely left your lips before the vibrator clicked back on â higher this time, a sharper buzz that sent an instant jolt through you, your entire body jerking like youâd been shocked. "Fuckâ!" The sound punched out of you, and Chan laughed, the toy already circling mercilessly against your clit through the soaked fabric.
"You were saying?" he mused, his free hand splaying across your stomach to hold you down as your hips bucked uncontrollably. The vibrations were relentless, buzzing straight through your nerves, lighting you up from the inside out.
Every muscle tensed, your thighs trembling, your fingers clawing uselessly at the cuffs â it was too much and not enough all at once, the pleasure cresting so fast it left you gasping.
he kept the pressure just shy of unbearable, the toy grinding against you with the kind of precision that made your toes curl into the sheets. "There we go," he murmured, his voice dripping with satisfaction as your hips twitched helplessly under his hand. "Listen to you âgetting so loud for me already."
And you were. Every gasp, every whine, every broken half word spilling from your lips was magnified by the blindfold, by the cuffs, by the sheer need coiling low in your stomach.
You could hear yourself â desperate, shameless â and it only made the heat pool deeper between your thighs. "you sound pretty like this," he mused, angling the toy just enough to make your back arch off the bed. "Bet the chatâs losing their minds over it."
lixonfire: losing mind AND my pants
probablyflickingmybean: stole my moms credit card for this and now I think Im bi
squirtlord: wait put me in the middle
The pleasure was building again, you could feel it â the tension coiling tighter, your muscles trembling, your pulse pounding everywhere the vibrator touched. You were so close, so fucking closeâ
Then it was gone.
The toy lifted away, a wounded noise tearing from your throat "noâ!", the buzz fading just as your body jerked forward, "Chanâ please â" you choked out, your voice cracking on the word.
"Please what?" he teased, dragging the vibrator in one slow, torturous line down your inner thigh, "Use your words, sweetheart."
slave4u: the things I'd let this man do to me set women back generations.
changtitties: MAKE HER BEG MORE
You swallowed hard, your throat dry, your hips twitching uselessly toward the sensation. "Pleaseâ i wanna cum," you managed, the words barely more than a whisper.
Chan let the vibrator hover just above your skin, "Hmm? Didnât catch that," he mused, his voice dripping with false innocence.
The toy traced a slow, teasing circle in the air, close enough that you could feel the heat of it radiating against your damp skin. "Youâre gonna have to speak up, sweetheart. The micâs not that good."
Your hips jerked uselessly toward the sensation, your breath hitching as the vibrations teased the edge of your clit . "Please," you gasped, louder this time, the word cracking under the weight of how badly you needed it. "Please, Chanâ let me cum." The plea tumbled out ragged, your voice breaking halfway through, Chan made a soft, approving noise in the back of his throat.
"There it is," he purred, rewarding you by shoving your soaked panties aside and pressing the vibrator directly on you all at once, the full force of it grinding against you without warning.
You cried out, your body arching off the bed as the pleasure slammed into you so sudden that your vision blurred at the edges. Chanâs free hand pinned your hip to the mattress, his grip firm as he held you in place, the toy working mercilessly against you. "Good girl," he murmured, his voice rough with satisfaction. "Knew you could beg pretty."
The praise lit you up as much as the vibrator did, warmth flooding your chest even as your thighs trembled under the relentless stimulation. "don't stop â don't stop please!" You were so close already, your muscles tightening, your breath coming in short, frantic gasps. it wouldnât take much more, just a little longer, justâ
And then the pressure shifted, the toy angling just right, and your entire body locked up as pleasure crashed over you in a dizzying wave. "chanâ!" Your voice shattered around his name, your back bowing off the bed as you came, the vibrations wringing every last drop of pleasure from you until you were limp and shaking beneath him.
But he didnât stop.
The vibrator kept going, the buzz dialed up even higher now, and your hips jerked wildly as oversensitivity clawed at your nerves. "Waitâ fuck," you sobbed, your thighs trying to clamp together instinctively, but free hand kept them spread.
"Too muchâ ah âplease," The words spilled out in a tangled mess, your body torn between pushing into the sensation and writhing away from it, your breath coming in ragged, punched out gasps.
âAw, baby,â he cooed, the vibrator never letting up its ruthless rhythm against your oversensitive clit. âThought you didnât want me to stop?â His fingers dug into the plush of your thighs, holding you steady as your body jerked, every nerve alight with too much, too muchâ
more noises punched out of you in a shattered moan as the toy angled harder, the vibrations ratcheting up another notch just to hear you break.
âCâmon,â he coaxed, his hand skating up your stomach to splay over your ribs, his palm warm through the damp fabric of your shirt. âYou can take one more.â The vibrator flicked higher, the buzz sharpening to a near painful edge, and your back arched off the bed as pleasure coiled tight in your gut againâ too soon, too soon, but your body was already responding.
âyes yes, fuckâ I can take itâ you gasped, your hips rolling up despite yourself, chasing the dizzying high even as oversensitivity burned under your skin.
âKnew you had it in you.â His fingers flexed against your ribs, his grip bruising as he pinned you down, the vibrator working you relentlessly toward the edge again.
Then you came for the second time, hard, Your thighs trembled violently against his knee, the cuffs digging into your wrists as you twisted helplessly into the sheets.
The blindfold was damp now, clinging to your temples with sweatâ or tears, or maybe both, the fabric sticking uncomfortably as you gasped for air. Chan didnât let up, the vibrator still humming mercilessly against your oversensitive clit until you sobbed, your hips jerking in aborted little spasms. "Enoughâplease, enoughâ"
he finally lifted the toy away. The sudden absence of sensation left you shuddering, your body limp and twitching.
His fingers brushed the damp hair off your face, his touch almost tender as he thumbed away the moisture at the edge of the blindfold and gave you a sweet kiss at your forehead.
He shifted, the mattress dipping as he leaned over you to address the chat. "Alright, you animals, thatâs our show for tonight," he announced, his tone shifting back into that performative, cocky lilt. "This pretty girlâs done â canât have her passing out on me." The camera caught the way his grin softened when he glanced down at you, his fingers idly tracing the line of your jaw. "Say goodbye, sweetheart."
You mumbled something incoherent into the pillows, your voice wrecked, and Chan laughed, turning back to the screen. "Yeah, yeah, sheâs real articulate right now."
hentaib00bs: bye mommy and daddy
zendaddy123: NO DON'T GO PLS
c00chieslayer: it's all over the screen
seungmininthepornsight: invite me next time
maknae0ntopofyou: ^^^ what he said
his thumb hovered over the end stream button. "Next time, maybe weâll see if she can make it to four. Night, degenerates."
a/n: okay okay last one before I convince myself I hate it, based of this and this
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summary: four ex-couples are brought together to test whether love can end, restart or transform. youâre not sure which path is yours yet - closure, a new beginning or the courage to try again
< part 12 | epilogue
you donât remember falling asleep or how you even got to your bed last night, you only remember fragments of everything. you remember the sound of the rain against the windows, your wet clothes abandoned somewhere on the floor, your hands shaking while you curled into yourself beneath the sheets that seemed unfamiliar.Â
and thunder, you remember so much thunder, and it followed you even in your sleep.Â
you wake up the next morning with a pain in your chest so heavy that it feels like itâs gonna burst. you lie in your bed staring blankly at the window while the storm continues outside, softer now but constant, the rain tapping endlessly against the glass like fingers that refuse to stop knocking.
your body feels exhausted, your eyes burning and your head aching, and your throat is raw from all your crying. and then it all comes back at once - seungminâs face, his voice, how he kissed your forehead, how he left and never came back.
you shut your eyes immediately like maybe you can stop the memories if you do, but that only makes them worse, because now they flash behind your eyelids in sharp pieces, quick and blinding like lightning splitting open the dark.
seungmin crying in front of you, his hands shaking as you held him, his voice cracking when he tried to speak, how he looked at you before he walked away.
you inhale sharply and sit up too quickly, pressing one of your hands against your chest like maybe you can physically hold yourself together before you come apart again.
outside, the sky is still dark with storm clouds. the sea stretches beyond the window, grey and furious beneath the rain, the waves crashing against the rocks below like theyâre trying to destroy themselves. the ocean looks exactly how you feel, restless and wild, unable to calm down no matter how exhausted it becomes.Â
the rain slides endlessly down the glass, distorting everything outside into something blurred and fractured. the horizon disappears every few seconds beneath sheets of rain before reappearing again like a wound reopening.Â
another flash of lightning cuts across the sky and you mind flashes with a new memory again, seungmin pressing his forehead against yours as you both cried.
thunder follows seconds later, loud enough to shake the glass a bit. you stand up and walk towards the window, standing there barefoot while the storm rages outside. the sea below is violent this morning, the waves throwing themselves against the shore over and over again despite knowing theyâll break apart every single time, but you understand that feeling now.Â
another flash.
seungminâs lip against your forehead.
another one.Â
the look on his face before he left.
another.
him leaving and not coming back.
and god, that part is the one that hurts the most. you squeeze your eyes shut hard as the rain outside grows heavier, hitting the windows as the wind howls somewhere beyond the glass.
the storm never really stopped last night, just changed, just like the storm inside you did. because even now, hours later, your thoughts still feel loud and impossible to escape from, and every memory crashes into the next one endlessly.
chan screaming.
seungmin crying.
your own voice begging seungmin to stay.Â
the terrifying feeling of his hands pulling yours away from his face.
you wonder if he slept at all, you wonder if he regrets coming back to kiss your forehead, and this last thought nearly destroys you again.
you press your forehead weakly against the cold glass window and stare out at the ocean while tears burn behind your eyes all over again. everything outside feels haunted by him somehow . the grey sky, the trembling thunder, the waves against the shore, the rain running down the glass in uneven paths like tears no one bothered wiping away.
even the sea looks heartbroken, and when a sudden crack of thunder splits through the air again, much louder this time, you flinch and another memory flashes through you so vividly it steals your breath.Â
âiâm sorry. iâm so sorryâ
your eyes squeeze shut at the memory. you can still hear his voice perfectly, still feel his hands on your body. you still feel the ache of him walking away and the devastation of you not running after him.
maybe this is what heartbreak really is, not just one clean break, but just surviving hundreds of tiny hauntings afterwards. the way someone keeps existing everywhere even after they leave, the way your body still reaches for them automatically, the way your mind keeps replaying every single moment together, the way love lingers in every silence after it no longer has anywhere to go.Â
outside, lightning tears across the sky once more, illuminating the sea in bright silver for half a second before darkness swallows it again. itâs beautiful but itâs gone too quickly, just like seungmin.
you hear the door opening behind you and you turn just in time to see lily stepping into the room and then closing the door. none of you speak at first, the storm fills the silence for you instead, the rain striking the windows while the thunder rolls somewhere far across the sea.
youâre still standing by the window when she looks at you properly, and the moment her eyes soften, your burn again.
âheyâ, she says quietly, walking towards you, âhow are you feeling?â
the question almost makes you laugh because you donât even know how to answer it anymore, so you look away from her and just shake your head.
âi donât knowâ
your voice sounds destroyed and lilyâs face falls at the sound of it.
âcome hereâ, she whispers.
she takes your hand and leads you back towards your bed. you sit down beside her, pulling the sheets tighter around yourself while the storm keeps raging outside the windows.Â
âyou really scared me a lot last nightâ, she says.
you blink at her, âwhat?â
her brows pull together, âyou donât remember?â, you shake your head and she continues, âwhen minho, han and i came outside the bar⊠you were just standing there crying, full sobbing, iâve never seen you cry like that, you were shaking so much, y/nâ
the image of seungmin walking away from you flashes through your mind again and your breathing becomes uneven again. lily notices immediately and reaches for your hand.
âyou couldnât even talk properlyâ, she says, âhan kept trying to get you to breathe and minho gave you his jacket because you were freezing and shakingâ
you genuinely donât remember any of that, you just remember seungmin leaving and then collapsing inside yourself after that. everything after feels blurred and fractured, like shattered glass you canât piece back together.
âwe brought you homeâ, lily continues, âbut you just kept crying the whole way backâ
your eyes fill again, âoh my god, lilyâŠâ
âheyâ, she says quickly, squeezing your hand harder, âitâs okayâ
but you know itâs not, nothing feels okay anymore. you press your palms against your eyes because the tears are coming too fast again.Â
âi canât do this anymore. iâm so tiredâ, you whisper, your words coming out broken and shaking, âso so tired, lilyâ
her face crumbles when she hears you and she moves closer, wrapping her arms around you while you break apart against her shoulder again.
âi knowâ, she whispers, rubbing your back, âi know, love, i knowâ
âhe looked so broken, lilyâ, you say through your tears, âand i⊠iâd never seen him like that. and chan-â, your voice cracks painfully, âeverything just exploded and i- i didnât know what to do and i-â
âyou donât have to explain it to meâ
âbut i hurt everyoneâ
ânoâ, she cuts in and you pull back to look at her, âno, y/n. what happened last night wasnât your faultâ
âbut-â
âwhat chan did was wrongâ, she says, her voice much firmer this time, making your tears stop for a moment, âlook, i understand that heâs hurting tooâ, she says carefully and then sighs, âi really do. he likes you and watching all of this happen canât have been easy for him either. but seungminâŠâ
she pauses and pulls your hair away from your face.
ây/n, seungmin has been drowning since the beginning of this show. he had to watch you get close to someone else while pretending he didnât even know youâ, she says, âhe had to sit there every day acting normal while you were hurting and he couldnât comfort you properlyâ, you close your eyes at her words, âand then last night⊠godâ
you start crying again when she pauses.
âhe loves you so much, y/n, so so muchâ
the words hit like lightning inside your chest and you cover your face as sobs leave you harder now.
âi knowâ, you cry, âi knowâ Â
you can still see him so clearly - his shaking hands, his red eyes, everything. you press your hand against your mouth trying to stop yourself from crying harder. lily lets you cry with her until the tears slow naturally, until your breathing steadies enough that youâre no longer shaking with every inhale.
âlily, iâŠâ, you whisper helplessly, âi canât keep doing this to him, âyour voice cracks apart on the last word, âi need to talk to him, i canât let him goâ
she brushes your hair back gently, âokay, but youâre taking a shower firstâ
âno, lily, i need to see himâ
âand you willâ
âbut- what if he leaves? what if he-â
ây/n, the show is ending tomorrow, and letâs be honest, heâs not leaving without youâ
you look away from her before she speaks again.
âiâm serious, y/n, youâre exhausted and youâve been crying for hours. take a shower firstâ, she says gently, âlet me make you some breakfast. let your body calm down for⊠ten minutes before you go and talk to him, okay?â
you look at her again and try to shake your head, but sheâs right, youâre exhausted.
âi promise you youâre not gonna lose himâ, she says, âpleaseâ
you want to run out of the house and find seungmin immediately but you just nod your head and smile softly at her. she pulls you into a hug and then you both stand up, before she leaves your room and you walk to the bathroom to take a shower.Â
the hot water falls against your skin while your thoughts continue spinning in your head, too loud to drown even beneath the sound of the water from the shower and the storm outside. you lean one hand against the wall and close your eyes as steam curls around you, but every time you do, you see seungmin again.
when you finally leave the bathroom, you get dressed quickly in a hoodie and some shorts and then leave your room, the smell of food reaching you from downstairs. you walk there and find lily with minho and han in the kitchen. han is standing near the stove holding a spatula while minho looks one second away from taking it away from him forever.
âhanâŠâ, minho sighs.
âwhat? iâm not doing anything wrongâ, han says, his eyes widening as he turns towards minho but minho just stares at him.
âhi..â, you say, feeling shy all of a sudden, and your voice much lower than you wanted to.
âhiâ, han says when he sees you, the three of them looking at you with soft and tender faces when they see you, âhow are you? well, i know the answer but still-â
âi knowâ, you say, laughing a bit, but thereâs no humour in your voice, âiâm⊠well, iâm badâ, you say, answering honestly
minho walks towards you and pulls out a chair for you, âcome on, sit down and eat somethingâ
you do and then reach for the coffee that lily places in front of you, warming you up instantly. you stare at your cup for a moment before you speak again.
âthank youâ, the three of them look at you, âfor last night, even if i apparently donât remember any of itâ
âyou really scared us, y/nâ, han says.
minho nods his head, âyeah, but you donât have to thank us for helping you. youâre our friend, we wanted to help youâ
lily sits down next to you and squeezes your arm gently, youâve found itâs her way of telling you sheâs there for you. you look at her and your eyes start burning again, so you look down at the coffee again before you start crying. you drink your coffee quickly and by the time you finish, the rain has stopped. the clouds still hang low and dark, heavy with another storm waiting to happen, but the world outside the lodge is no longer drowning.
âiâm gonna go nowâ, you say as you stand up.Â
lily looks at you, âdo you want one of us to go with you?â
you shake your head, âno, i need to do this aloneâ
she reaches for your hand and then squeezes before she lets you go, then you turn to look at the boys, who are still fighting with the stove, trying not to destroy the kitchen.
âgood luckâ, han says as minho smiles at you.
you smile at them and then walk towards the entrance, putting on your shoes and then leaving the house. as you walk to the other lodge, you can smell the wet pavement and sea salt in the air, which is cold against your skin. the water still drips from some of the rooftops you pass on your way there as well as from the trees around you. you can hear distant thunder rolling somewhere beyond the cliffs, the storm waiting to begin again.Â
your heart beats harder with every step you take and when you reach the lodge, your hands are trembling again. you type the code into the lock and then the door opens. you barely even close the door behind you before heading straight towards seungminâs room, but when you get there and you knock on the door, thereâs no answer. you wait a second longer and knock again, but still, nothing.
âseungmin?â
silence.
you knock again and when thereâs no answer this time either, you open the door and step inside. the room is completely empty, the bed still unmade.Â
âseungmin?â, you ask the empty room, but still, nothing.
you move towards the bathroom thatâs connected to the room and knock before opening the door when you donât get an answer here either.
itâs empty as well, and your heartbeat starts speeding up harder now.
where is he?
you turn and leave the bathroom, anxiety beginning to crawl painfully up your throat, your hands trembling again. but just when you leave his room and close the door, you find chan in the hallway.Â
you both freeze, he wasnât expecting to see you there, and you, in your rush to see seungmin and talk with him, hadnât thought about the possibility of seeing chan there. his face changes when he sees you standing there, nervous and breathless and clearly searching for someone else, someone thatâs not him.
you swallow hard, you honestly donât wanna talk to him now, but you need to find seungmin, and your mind prioritises that.Â
âdo you know where seungmin is?â
chan hesitates, then shakes his head, ânoâ
you nod your head, âokayâ
you move to walk past him, too focused on finding seungmin, too focused on talking to him, but chan speaks again before you can leave.
ây/nâ
you stop but donât turn around, you stay with your back turned towards him.
âi⊠i need to talk to youâ, he says, his voice shaking and much lower than youâve ever heard him.Â
you close your eyes and sigh, shaking your head, âi canât do this right now, chan, i need to find seungminâ
you try to walk away again.
âpleaseâ, he says, and something in his voice makes you stop, âi⊠iâm sorryâ
slowly, your turn around to look at him and heâs still standing in the middle of the hallway. his hair is messy like heâs been running his hands through it for hours and there are dark circles beneath his eyes that werenât there these past few days. for the first time since you met him, he doesnât look calm and sure of himself. he looks completely heartbroken.Â
the silence stretches between you quietly while distant thunder rolls somewhere outside again, then he exhales and looks down at the floor before speaking again.
ây/n, iâm really sorry about last night, about everything i saidâ, his jaw tightens after that, like even hearing himself say it hurts, âi shouldn't have done that. i shouldnât have pushed you like that in front of everyoneâ, his eyes lift to yours finally, âand I shouldn't have gone after seungmin the way i didâ
the guilt in his face makes your chest ache, then, he laughs under his breath, but thereâs nothing amused about it.
âi think i justâŠâ, he stops for a second, trying to find the words, âi think i kept telling myself i could handle it. but then, the dates yesterday, and seeing you coming with him⊠you looked so happy, y/n. and i know that shouldn't have made me angry, but it didâ, his voice cracks a little after that, "because i realised i was sitting there watching the person i like finding her way back to the person she has been in love with all this timeâ
you inhale sharply and your eyes start blurring again, but chan shakes his head when he notices.
âno, donât-â, he says, âplease, donât look at me like that. iâm not saying this to make you feel guiltyâ
âchanâŠâ
âiâm notâŠâ, he repeats softly and then swallows hard, âi just⊠i think something in me snapped yesterdayâ, you stare at him while he struggles through the words, âand i just kept watching you both, and i knewâ, his eyes meet yours again then, âi think i knew before you didâ
he gives you a small smile after that, but it looks so sad that it breaks something inside you.
âhow you looked at him yesterdayâŠâ, he says quietly, âwell, how youâve looked at him since the beginning if iâm honestâ, your eyes burn and a couple of tears run down your face, âand then seeing him look at you in the same wayâ, he exhales shakily, âi think i was just in denial, i didnât wanna admit even to myself that i had lost before i ever really had a chanceâ
the words hurt so much you almost physically feel them inside your chest and you shake your head immediately.
ânoâ
chan smiles again, this time weaker, ây/n, itâs okayâ
âno, no itâs notâ, your voice breaks a bit, âyou didnât deserve thatâ
his expression softens as he keeps looking at you, âyou donât have to defend me right now, y/nâ
âiâm not defending what happenedâ, you say, âwhat you did last night wasnât okayâÂ
he nods his head, âi knowâ
âbutâŠâ, your voice weakens, âi think i understand why you explodedâ
because the truth is ugly sometimes but itâs also human.
âthis show⊠it has been pulling all of us apart for weeksâ, you lower your eyes for a second before you continue, âand i should apologise tooâ
chanâs brows pull together, âwhat?â
you force yourself to continue anyway, âi gave you false hopeâ
âno, you didnâtâ
âi did, chan, i just⊠didnât realise it at the timeâ, he watches you while you struggle to find the right words, âi thought i was just trying to move on, that i was meeting someone else, and when i was with youâŠâ, you smile sadly, your throat burning painfully, âthings felt easy, âhis eyes soften when he hears you saying that, âyou made me feel calm, safe⊠even happyâ
your confession clearly hurts him and comforts him at the same time.
âand i think part of me wanted that so badly that i kept trying to believe it was enoughâ, you swallow before you continue, âbut my feelings for seungmin never actually disappeared. iâm sorryâ
chan closes his eyes briefly after hearing your words, like heâs finally accepting something he already knew, and when he opens them again, they look shinier than before.
ây/n, you donât need to apologise for loving someoneâ, he says quietly.
your tears start falling again, guilt twisting painfully inside you, âbut i hurt you, i hurt both of youâ
âyou knowâ, he starts, taking a step closer to you, but thatâs it, thatâs the closest he will get to you now, âi think thatâs the problem with this show, or one of them at leastâ, he laughs softly, making you laugh too, âit makes everyone feel guilty for being human, for feelingâ
maybe heâs right, maybe all of you have spent so long trying to avoid hurting each other that you forgot feelings donât always happen cleanly, they donât happen how you plan them.Â
chan looks at you for another moment and then smiles faintly again, âi really hope you can be happy, y/nâ
the sincerity in his voice nearly breaks you, because you can see he clearly isnât okay right now, but heâs still saying it anyway.
your vision blurs slightly again, âi hope you can be happy too, chanâ
he laughs softly through his nose, âi willâ
you both stand there quietly after that, two people at the end of something that never started, not enemies or strangers, just two people who found each other at the wrong time maybe.
thunder rumbles outside again, getting louder now, the next storm coming.
chan notices you, your hands tightening around the sleeves of your hoodie and this time, instead of pain crossing his face, something softer does - acceptance.
âgo and find him, before he loses his mind completelyâ, he says. smiling faintly despite everything.
you look at him one last time before nodding softly and then you turn and walk away, your heartbeat growing louder with every step as you go searching for seungmin, as you finally leave chan behind. when you step outside the lodge, the wind hits you so hard it makes you stop for a moment. the storm is coming back, and you can feel it everywhere, and your heart is already beating too fast.
seungmin.
his name repeats inside your head over and over again while you hurry down the wet street, your hands shaking as you pull your phone out and call him. once, twice, three times, but nothing, the line doesnât even ring properly. it says that the person you are calling is unavailable.Â
âno, no, no, noâŠâ
you try again while you start walking faster, but still nothing, and the fear inside you starts growing and then spreads through your body like ice water. you know him and something feels wrong.
you walk faster, then even faster, almost running now, the streets blurring around you while thunder cracks loud overhead. the storm had waited just long enough for you to start searching for seungmin and now it finally breaks open completely. the rain starts falling hard and cold, and within seconds, your hair is soaked and your hoodie sticks to your skin, but you barely notice it.
you keep calling him, still unavailable.
âplease, seungmin, please pick upâÂ
the words leave your mouth brokenly while you hurry down the streets towards the beach.
thatâs it, the beach.
of course.
that place had always been yours, you loved going there, you always ended up there somehow. you remember late nights sitting on the sand together sharing ramen from the convenience store nearby, you remember seungmin taking photos of the sea while pretending not to take photos of you too. you remember seungmin laughing while waves soaked both of your shoes because you kept walking too close to the water, and you also remember him kissing you there once during another storm years ago.
your chest hurts so bad now you almost canât breathe.
you start running as the rain grows heavier and thunder shakes the sky again. you hear some cars passing somewhere nearby but everything is blurred by your panic and the rain and all of your memories. your shoes splash against puddles while your fingers keep trembling around your phone.
call failed.
again.
again.
âfuck-â
your voice cracks apart and when you finally reach the beach, youâre breathing so hard your lungs burn. the ocean looks brutal and savage today - huge waves crash against the shore beneath the dark sky while the rain lashes against the sand almost sideways because of the wind. the entire beach looks endless and terrifying, even though youâve been there countless times before.
your eyes start searching everywhere - the shore, the rocks, the port further away, but nothing, no sign of him.
âseungmin!â
your voice disappears into the storm and then you start walking faster across the wet sand, then running again.
âkim seungmin!â
nothing answers back except thunder. panic climbs higher inside your throat and you call his phone again while turning in circles desperately, trying to see through the rain.
unavailable.
your breathing starts breaking apart completely now.
âseungmin!â
this time you scream it even louder than before, more desperate, but the wind tears the sound away. you keep moving along the shore, the rain blurring your vision while fear starts becoming something uglier now, something unbearable. your mind begins thinking things you donât want to think, but then, you stop, your entire body freezes.Â
something is lying near the water, half soaked by the waves, and your stomach drops. at first your brain canât process what youâre seeing through the rain, then lightning flashes across the sky and you realise what it is.
clothes.
someoneâs clothes, abandoned near the shoreline, dangerously close to where the waves keep crashing forward again and again.
your heartbeat stops because you know those clothes, you would recognise those clothes anywhere. you run towards them so fast you nearly fall, the rain lashing against your face while your shoes sink into the wet sand, your breathing already breaking apart before you even reach them.
âno, please no, it- it canât beâ
your hands shake as you drop to your knees beside the pile and when you touch the dark fabric, your entire body goes cold. itâs seungminâs jacket, you had seen him wear it a hundred times before, you had even worn it sometimes, when you went out and it was cold and you didnât bring a jacket with you.Â
your fingers tremble harder as you grab it desperately, turning it over quickly until you find something heavy in the pocket - his phone. you pull it out and press the button with shaking hands, but nothing, itâs turned off.
ânoâŠâ, you say, the word barely leaving your mouth now.
you look around wildly, the shore, the rocks, but nothing, no oneâs there.
âseungmin!â
the waves crash harder against the shore and you stand up too fast, almost stumbling while panic explodes completely inside your chest now, you feel like youâre gonna faint any minute now. you bring his jacket to your chest and your fingers clutch it so tightly your knuckles ache.
âkim seungmin!â
nothing, only thunder and rain, only the sea destroying itself in front of you. and then, your eyes move towards the water, towards the dark ocean stretching beneath the storm, and you feel the air leaving your lungs because your mind finally says the thing you had been trying not to think.
ânoâŠâ
your voice breaks and the jacket slips from your fingers, falling back onto the sand beside his phone. then you start running, straight towards the ocean. you donât even think or stop to breathe, you donât even take your shoes off. you just run into the freezing water while screaming his name, your voice completely destroyed by panic now.
âseungmin!â
the waves crash against your legs immediately, soaking you further while the storm roars overhead.
âseungmin!â
you keep moving deeper, the water pushing hard against your body, but youâre so out of it that you barely feel it. youâre crying now, but you donât realise that either. you only notice when your screams start breaking apart completely.
âplease! seungmin!â
thunder cracks violently across the sky and the rain falls harder now. your chest hurts so much you think you might collapse right there into the ocean.
âkim seungmin!â
and then, somewhere behind you-
ây/n!â
your entire body jerks and you turn so fast you nearly lose balance in the water. and there, on the sand-
seungmin.
running towards you.Â
your breath leaves your lungs so sharp it hurts and you see him, sprinting across the sand desperately, completely soaked from the rain, his face pale with terror as he screams your name again.Â
ây/n!â
you start sobbing because heâs there, heâs there and alive and well. you see something fall from his hands onto the sand while he runs towards you, but you donât care enough to wonder what it is because the only thing your body understands now is him.
âseungmin!â
you start running towards him too, the water fighting against your legs while your vision blurs from your tears and the rain, but none of it matters because he keeps getting closer to you, closer and closer, until finally-
you crash into him so hard you almost both fall.
seungmin catches you immediately with a broken sound leaving his throat, his arms wrapping around you desperately while your hands grab fistfuls of his soaked t-shirt like youâre terrified something will happen to him if you let go.
âoh my god, seungmin-â
you canât breathe, you canât think, you just hold onto him while your body shakes against his.Â
âwhat were you doing?â, he sobs into you, ây/n? what were you thinking?â
heâs crying just like you, but you pull back just enough to push at his chest desperately, while you start sobbing harder.
âi was looking for you!â, your voice cracks as you say those words, âi thought something had happened to youâ
seungmin stares at you breathlessly, the rain dripping down his face while panic still fills his eyes too.
âi-i went to your lodge and you werenât there⊠and then i kept calling you but you never answered and then i came here and i⊠you⊠i saw your jacket⊠you left it here with your phone and i thought-â, a sob interrupts you violently, âi thought-â
you canât even say it, and your breathing becomes uneven as you try to push the words out, but you canât, your sharp panicked gasps wonât fully reach your lungs while your tears mix with the rain on your face.
âseungmin, i couldnât find youâ, you cry, âi called you so many times and you didnât answer and i thought you-â
âhey, hey-â, seungmin says as he grabs you face, âhey, y/n breatheâ
but you just canât, everything is too much right now.
âyou scared me!â, you nearly scream at him now, your voice completely shattered, âyou scared me so bad-â
and then seungmin pulls you against him again, one of his hands pressing against the back of your head while the other wraps tightly around your waist, holding you so close you can barely breathe through the crushing relief of it.
âiâm hereâ, he says shakily against your wet hair, âiâm here, baby, iâm hereâ
the nickname destroys you further and you break down against his chest. your fingers clutch the back of his t-shirt while thunder shakes the sky again above you, but this time you don't care because heâs here, heâs here with you. seungmin keeps holding your head against his chest while you cry uncontrollably, his own tears falling down his face too.
âiâm sorryâ, he whispers, his voice broken just like yours, âiâm so sorry, babyâ
you shake your head against his chest, unable to stop crying. your body still trembles from fear and adrenaline while he keeps one hand protectively around your head like heâs trying to shield you from the entire storm itself, and when you cling to him harder, he holds you even closer.Â
you stand there in the middle of the storm, shaking in each otherâs arms while the rain pours over both of you, and every time your grip loosens even slightly, his arms tighten around you, bringing you closer.
thunder cracks above the ocean again and suddenly everything inside you finally breaks. a sob tears out of your chest so violently it almost folds you in half and seungmin immediately pulls back just enough to look at you.
âbaby-â
âIâm exhaustedâ, you cry, you face crumpling while your tears keep falling faster than you can breathe through them, âiâm so fucking tired, seungminâŠâ, he opens his mouth to speak but you just shake your head, âi canât do this anymore. i canât keep hurting you and myself and everyone around us and i-â
âhey-â
âiâm sorryâ, you say, âiâm so sorryâ, rainwater runs down both of your face while the storm screams around you, âiâm sorry i made you cry and for every second you spent thinking i didnât love you anymore because i do, oh god i love you so much seungmin-â, your voice breaks and you struggle to push the next words out but you do it anyway, because you need to, âi never stopped loving you, seungminâ
his face changes when you say that, like something inside him physically aches hearing that, and then your hands grab onto his soaked t-shirt harder.
âi tried-â, you whisper through sobs, âi tried to move on and i would just tell myself that we could be friends, have a good memory of us. and then chan was there and i was confused because you were there too but you werenât actually there and i donât know-â, you shake your head desperately, knowing youâre not making any sense, âbut every time something happened, every time i laughed or smiled or wanted to talk to someone or wanted to be with someone, i kept looking for you. every single timeâ, you look at him, his eyes red and his tears still falling, âyouâre still the person i look for firstâ
the storm crashes violently behind you, the waves breaking against the shore as the wind screams through the air, but seungmin just stands there, looking at you like the whole world stopped moving entirely.
âi love you, seungminâ, you sob finally, the words leaving your mouth like theyâve been trapped there since the moment you two broke up, âi love you so much and i never stopped and iâve been trying to survive without you this whole time instead of actually livingâ
seungmin closes his eyes and you start crying harder, if thatâs even possible at this point.
âand⊠maybe i ruined everythingâ, you whisper brokenly, âmaybe i messed this up too much and maybe you hate me now for getting close to chan and maybe you donât even want me anymore and i honestly would understand if you didnât because i hurt you so much and i-â
âstopâ, he says as he grabs your face firmly with both of his hands, like he needs you to really look at him and understand what heâs gonna say, âdonât say that again, you hear me?â
his voice breaks apart halfway through the sentence and rain rips from his hair onto his cheeks while his eyes search yours.
âthere is nothingâ, he says shakily, ânothing you could ever do that would make me hate you, do you hear me?â, his thumb trembles against your skin, âyou are the love of my lifeâ
the words destroy whatever was left of you and fresh tears spill down your cheeks immediately.
âi tried to survive without you tooâ, he continues, his voice barely a whisper now, âand it was the worst thing thatâs ever happened to meâ, he shakes his head, his eyes burning as he looks at you, âwhen we broke up, i thought i was doing the right thing. i thought that maybe if i let you go, youâd become happy againâ, a broken laugh leaves him and his forehead drops against yours, âbut every single day without you felt wrong. i kept reaching for my phone to text you and i kept seeing things and wanting to tell you everything i didâ, his breathing shudders, âi kept loving you even when i was trying not toâ
you sob softly at that and he continues.Â
âand then you told me about this show and suddenly you were there againâ, he whispers, âand i had to pretend not to know you while watching someone else stand where i used to standâ, pain flashes across his face, âand it killed meâ, your hands slide shakily up his arms, ây/n, there was never gonna be anyone else for me after youâ
the storm crashes louder overhead and lightning flashes across the ocean, and seungmin looks at you like heâs terrified that this moment isnât real, that heâs gone mad and heâs just imagining everything.
âi need youâ, he whispers, âi love you so fucking muchâ
you face breaks again, âi need you tooâ, you cry softly, âi love you too, seungmin, so so muchâ
something inside him snaps at those words and you see it happen, right there in his eyes - the fear, the grief, the longing, the love heâs been holding back for too long. and then he pulls you closer to him and finally kisses you.
the entire world breaks open with it.
the kiss is desperate immediately, like both of you are trying to make up for every second youâve spent apart. his hands hold your face as your fingers clutch his soaked t-shirt again, pulling him impossibly closer as sobs still shake through both of you between kisses.
the rain pours down around you, the thunder roars above the ocean, but none of it compares to this, to him. his lips are warm despite the cold rain, familiar despite all the time apart, and the moment you kiss him back fully, seungmin breaks completely against you.
he kisses you harder, like heâs been dying for this, like heâs been surviving on memories of you for too long. your hands slide shakily into his wet hair while he pulls your body flush against his, and then, every almost kiss, every longing glance, every sleepless night, every text, every moment of yearning and jealousy crashes into this single moment all at once.
this.
this is what all the pain had been leading to.
and beneath the storm, with the ocean raging beside you and the rain soaking through your clothes and the thunder splitting the sky apart above your heads, you find your way back to each other at last.Â
you pull away just enough to breathe but neither of you really lets go. your foreheads stay pressed together, both of you breathless and shaking and smiling in disbelief at the exact same time. he laughs softly at first, overwhelmed but happy, and just hearing him makes you start laughing too.
âgod, i love you so muchâ, he whispers, smiling so hard it almost looks painful.
âi love you tooâ, you say back.
he lets out another breathless laugh before leaning forward to steal another kiss from you. then another one right after because apparently neither of you can stop anymore.
âyou have no idea how long iâve wanted to do that againâ, he murmurs against your lips.
âi think i doâ, you whisper.
he kisses you once more after that and then a cold gust of wind hits both of you at once and you shiver hard enough for him to notice immediately, and then he pulls back, his eyes widening.
ây/nâ, he says, looking at you properly now, âyouâre freezingâ
you laugh weakly, âso are youâ
your clothes are completely drenched from both the rain and the ocean, your shoes squelching against the wet sand every time you move. seungmin grabs your hand and intertwines his fingers with yours, and then turns around to start walking, leading you away from the shore.
âcome onâ
you smile at him, letting him pull you along, âwhere are we going?â
he just turns back towards you with that smile again, that soft impossible smile you thought you had lost forever.
seungmin fumbles blindly for the door lock while kissing you and you laugh against his mouth when he misses the lock entirely for the eighth time.
âi think youâre a bit distractedâ, you whisper teasing him.
âyou think?â, he says against your lips before he kisses you again.Â
he presses you back against the door you had crossed a hundred times before, his parentâs houseâs door, the same place you always went to whenever you were in jeju. thank god itâs close to the place you were.Â
your back presses against the door again as he finally manages to unlock it, but even then he doesnât pull away from you. his body stays close to yours, trapping you between him and the door while his lips keep moving against yours like heâs starving for it, like heâs trying to make up for every moment he spent without you.
your fingers slide into his wet hair and he lets out the softest sound against your mouth at the feeling. you stumble inside together, half laughing, half kissing,soaked from head to toe while the storm rages outside and then close the door behind you.
seungmin grabs your waist and turns you quickly, pressing you against the wall near the entrance before kissing you again, harder and needier this time. his hands slide along your soaked body carefully and desperately at the same time, like he canât believe heâs allowed to touch you like this again, and maybe you canât believe it either, because every time the kiss breaks, even for a second, both of you just end up smiling at each other before kissing again.
you laugh when he kisses the corner of your mouth and he smiles against your lips and then he kisses you again and again.
âgodâ, he whispers between kisses, his forehead falling against yours, âi missed you so muchâ
âi missed you tooâ, you whisper.
then he kisses you like hearing those words nearly destroy him again and everything else disappears, itâs only you and him there. it all feels impossibly far away now compared to the way seungmin is holding you.
your hands grip his shoulders while he slowly walks you backwards through the familiar hallway, both of you still kissing and laughing whenever you bump into something.
âcarefulâ, you laugh breathlessly.
âiâm tryingâ, he says, clearly not trying at all, his entire focus on your lips.
you finally reach his room and when you close the door, he pulls you close again immediately. his lips move slower now against yours, much deeper. you reach for the hem of his soaked t-shirt, trying to pull it off him, but the fabric clings stubbornly to his skin from the rain.
âwait-â, you groan between laughs, âlet me just-â
seungmin laughs too, breathless and beautiful, while trying to peel your wet hoodie from your body, but thereâs no use.
âthis is actually ridiculousâ, he says laughing.
you start laughing again with him and he moves to capture your lips again in another kiss. then he pulls away and looks at you and you blink and look up at him, his face undoing you.
the rainwater still drips from his dark hair onto his cheeks, his lips swollen from kissing you, his hands are warm against your waist despite the cold, and heâs just standing there, looking at you with so much emotion inside his eyes - love, relief, adoration, want.
you touch his face, âwhat?â
seungmin shakes his head like he doesnât even know where to start.
ânothing, iâm justâŠâ, he lets out a shaky laugh, âiâm really happy right nowâ
you smile again, âme tooâ
he keeps looking at you and then the smile fades slowly from his lips and his hands slide carefully along your waist while his gaze drops to your mouth and when he kisses you again, itâs full of everything he had been holding back. you tug at his t-shirt again, determined this time, and he breaks the kiss just long enough to let you pull it over his head with his help.
the fabric falls to the floor with a wet sound, and then you stay there, just looking at him, but you donât realise youâre staring until he laughs softly and reaches out to brush a strand of wet hair from your face.Â
âyour turnâ, he says.
he helps you peel your hoodie off and when your skin meets the cool air of the room, you shiver, but then his hands are on your waist, pulling you close, and the warmth of his palms against your bare skin makes you forget the chill entirely. his eyes travel from your face down to your neck, your collarbones, the curve of your breasts still hidden beneath your bra.
âyouâre so beautiful, y/nâ, he says.
you feel heat rise to your cheeks but you donât look away, instead, you reach for the button of his jeans, your fingers bruising against his stomach, and he inhales sharply. he mirrors your actions, his hands finding your shorts, and together you work each other out of the remaining clothes until thereâs nothing left but skin against skin.
he steps back for just a second, just to take you in. his lips part, his eyes darken and you see the exact moment his heart overflows because he steps forward again and cups your face in both of his hands, kissing you like heâs breathing for the first time.
âi canât believe youâre hereâ, he says against your lips, his voice breaking.
âiâm here, seungmin, iâm hereâ, you say and you kiss him again to prove it.
he walks you backwards, his hands never leaving your body. the back of your knees hit the edge of the bed and you sink onto it, pulling him down with you so he follows you, his body covering yours. he props himself up on one elbow, looking down at you. his hair is still damp, falling across his forehead, and his lips are swollen from kissing you.
âi though about this so many timesâ, he says, âi thought about you, me, us, thisâ, he swallows, âi didnât think it would ever happen againâ
you reach up and touch his cheek, âiâm here nowâ, you say again.
he lowers his head and kisses you again. his tongue slides against yours and you sigh into his mouth, your arms wrapping around his neck. his hand drifts down, touching your collarbone, your breasts, your ribs, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. he kisses his way along your jaw, down your throat, and you tilt your head back to give him more space, a soft moan escaping your lips when he finds the sensitive spot below your ear, the spot he knows all too well.Â
âseungminâŠâ, you moan, and the sound of his name on your lips makes him groan against your skin.
his mouth travels lower, pressing open-mouthed kisses along your collarbone and the swell of your chest. he takes his time there and when his lips finally move to your breast and close around your nipple, your back arches off the bed as a broken scream leaves your mouth. he flicks his tongue over your nipple and then sucks gently, and your fingers tangle in his hair, holding him there.
âgodâ, you gasp, âi- i need youâ
he lifts his head to look at you, his eyes dark and full of want.
âi need you tooâ, his voice is rough, desperate.
his hand slides down your stomach and then his fingers brush against the heat between your legs and your breath catches. heâs slow and deliberate, tracing your folds with the lightest touch, watching your face trying to memorise every single of your reactions to him. you whimper, your hips shifting towards his hand and he just smiles at you.
he circles your clit with his thumb and you moan again, your hands gripping his shoulders. then he slides one finger inside you, slow and deep, and you cry out, your head falling back against the pillow.
âseungmin- ah-â
âshhâ, he whispers, leaning down to kiss you again, swallowing your moans, âiâve got you, babyâ
he moves his finger in and out, curling it just right, and you buck against his hand already so close to the edge, but you want more, you want him.
your hand finds his cock, already hard and heavy against your thigh, and you wrap your fingers around him, stroking him slowly. he gasps into your mouth, his hips jerking forward, and you feel him pulse in your grip.
âfuckâ, he moans, his forehead dropping to yours as he looks at you, âyouâre gonna make me lose my mindâ
you smile, your thumb brushing over the tip, âgoodâ
he pulls his finger out of you and you groan at the loss. he catches your hand, stopping it, and looks down at you with such raw emotion that it makes your chest ache.
âi need youâ, he says, his voice already on the edge, âi- i need you right now. but i need to know, are you sure?â, he searches your eyes, vulnerable and open, âbecause i donât think i can come back from this again. i want it to be us, forever this timeâ
your eyes sting again but you smile, reaching up to trace his bottom lip with your thumb.
âiâm sureâ, you whisper, âi love you, seungmin. i never stopped and i never willâ
something breaks inside him and he kisses you fiercely, desperately, before pulling back just enough to position himself at your entrance. the head of his cock presses against your folds and then, he pushes in slowly, stretching you, filling you, and you both let out a shuddering breath at the feeling of being connected again after all this time.
your eyes lock and for a long moment, neither of you moves. heâs buried deep inside you, his body flush against yours, and you feel so complete itâs almost overwhelming.
âi love you too, y/nâ, he says, his voice breaking, âi love you so so muchâ
he begins to move, deep and unhurried strokes that rock your body with each thrust. his hips roll against yours and you wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper and then he buries his face in your neck, his breath hot against your skin.
itâs not frantic, itâs not just sex. itâs him telling you with his body everything he canât quite put into words right now - that he missed you, that heâs sorry, that he never wants to let you go again, that heâs going to love you forever. and you answer him with your hands in his hair, your lips on his shoulder, your sighs and whimpers singing back to him.Â
you donât realise youâre crying again until you feel your tears rolling down your face. they slip from the corners of your eyes, silent and warm, and when they touch seungminâs skin, he freezes, panic flashing across his face.
âwait, y/n- did- oh god, did i hurt you?â, he stops and pulls back, searching your face, his hands on your cheeks, âbaby, tell me-â
ânoâ, you say, laughing through the tears, âno, iâm happy, seungmin, i promise you. iâm just- iâm so happy. i love you. i need you. please donât stopâ
his eyes glisten and you see him swallow hard, a muscle moving in his jaw. he blinks then and you know heâs fighting tears of his own again.
âi love youâ, he says again, âi love you, i love youâ
he kisses you again and when he starts moving, itâs even more tender, if thatâs even possible. he interlocks his fingers with yours, pressing your hands into the mattress on either side of your head. every thrust is deep and slow, hitting that perfect spot inside you, and the pleasure builds like a wave, gentle at first, then growing more and more.Â
your moans grow louder, more desperate and he matches your rhythm, his forehead pressed to yours, his breath mingling with yours.Â
âcome for meâ, he says, almost begging you, âlet go, baby. iâve got youâ
youâre so close, the tension coiling tight in your stomach, and when he grinds his hips against yours again, you finally shatter. your orgasm rolls through you in waves, your body arching as you cry out, but itâs swallowed by his kiss. he follows moments later, his hips stuttering as he spills inside you, his groan muffled against your lips.Â
he collapses against you and you hold each other, shaking and breathless. the rain continues outside, but inside this room, thereâs only the sound of your breathing together and the steady beat of his heart against yours. after a long moment, he lift his head, his eyes red rimmed but soft.
âhiâ, he whispers, smiling softly at you.
you smile, brushing his hair back from his forehead, âhiâ
he kisses your nose, your lips and then your forehead before he rests his forehead against yours.
âiâm never letting you go againâ, he says, âi mean itâ
âyou better notâ, you tease him, but he can hear the emotion in your voice.Â
he laughs and pulls you closer, burying his face in your neck. you wrap your arms around him, your fingers tracing idle patterns on his back, and then slowly, without realising, you both fall asleep together.
your eyes open lazily and for a few seconds, you just stay still, your cheek resting against seungminâs chest while his arms remain wrapped around your waist even in your sleep. at some point, he had rolled onto his back and pulled you with him until you were half laying on top of him, like even asleep he needed you close.
you tilt your head to look at him, to see his messy hair against the pillow and his lips parted slightly in his sleep. he looks so peaceful that something inside your chest warms at the sight.Â
carefully, trying not to wake him, you lift yourself from his chest but his arm tightens around your waist instinctively, making you smile.
âshh, itâs okay, iâm here, minnieâ, you whisper.
he relaxes again after that, so you move slowly off the bed and shiver a little at the cold against your skin. your clothes are still abandoned somewhere on the floor, still damp from the rain and the ocean, and you laugh quietly under your breath before walking towards the wardrobe.Â
when you open it, memories hit you instantly - some of his clothes are hanging there, and yours too, the clothes that you left the last time you came here, and itâs like a part of you had always been waiting there for you to come back.Â
you put on some fresh underwear and one of seungminâs t-shirts, the fabric smelling like him, like home. you turn back towards the bed and see heâs still asleep exactly where you left him. you walk closer to him and brush your fingers through his hair gently before leaning down and kissing his forehead. his brows twitch a little and a tiny sleepy sound escapes his lips. your heart melts completely at that.
âi love youâ, you whisper against his forehead.
you quietly leave the room and walk towards the kitchen, your eyes moving towards the clock on the wall the moment you get there and you see that you had only slept for a little over an hour. you move around the kitchen, opening cupboards and the frigde while trying to figure out if thereâs anything you can make. but thereâs barely anything there, you only see a few drinks and some snacks.
âlooking for something?â
you jump so hard you almost break the fridge door when you close it. a gasp leaves you as strong arms wrap around your waist from behind.
âoh my god, seungmin-â
he laughs quietly against your neck while pulling you back against his chest.
âyou scared me, you idiotâ
âoh please, donât be such a babyâ
âyou nearly killed meâ
he hums distractedly against your skin before kissing the side of your neck, then again, and then one more time.Â
you can already hear the smile in his voice when he asks you, âwhat are you doing?â
you try to answer but his lips keep brushing against your neck while his hands slide slowly along your waist beneath his t-shirt.
âi was trying to-â
he kisses your jaw.
âfind some food-â
another kiss.
âbut apparently you wonât let me speak-â
before you can even finish, he turns you around until your back presses against the counter and then he kisses your lips. your hands slide into his hair while his body settles between your legs, like you still fit together perfectly even after everything.
âseungminâ, you mumble against his lips, trying really hard not to laugh.
âhm?â
âare you gonna let me explain or not?â
ânoâ
you laugh at his immediate answer. he lifts you onto the kitchen counter and steps closer between your knees before kissing you again and you smile against his lips helplessly. heâs only wearing his boxers now, his hair still messy from sleep and his lips swollen from kissing you too much.Â
he breaks the kiss and presses his forehead against yours, and puts his hands on your thighs, warm and soft against your skin. then he pulls back a bit, his face a bit more careful now.
âdo you regret this?â
your heart hurts at the nervous tone on his voice and you grab his face between your hands.
âno, i donâtâ, you say, not even a second of hesitation, âi donât regret any of thisâ
his eyes closes briefly and then he nods his head before he opens them, âgood, because i donât eitherâ
emotion rises in your chest and you look down before speaking again.
âiâm still sorry thoughâ
his brows pull together, âfor what?â
âfor everythingâ, you say as your fingers twist together, âfor the show, for chan, for hurting youâ
âheyâ, he says softly.
you look up at him again.
âi mean itâ, you continue, âi hate that i made you doubt yourself, minnie. i hate that i made you feel like you were losing meâ
seungminâs face breaks a little at that, âitâs not entirely your fault, i did that tooâ
you shake your head but he just brushes his thumb softly against your thigh.
ânoâ, he says, âlet me say this tooâ, his voice stays calm as he speaks, âwhen we broke up⊠i thought i was doing the right thing, that it was the best for you. i thought that i had to let you go because things got hard, but thatâs not what love isâ, he whispers, âi shouldâve stayed, i shouldâve fought harder for usâ
your eyes burn instantly, âthatâs my fault too, i shouldâve fought harder for us tooâ
âbut weâre here nowâ, he says softly, âand if you still want me after all thisâŠâ, he smiles then, âi wanna do this right this timeâ
your chest aches painfully, but itâs not the same pain youâve had since you started the show, itâs a different kind of pain, beautiful even.
âme too, minnieâ
you slide your arms around his neck while he moves closer again, his forehead against yours once more.
âwe canât lose ourselves againâ, you say.
âwe wonâtâ, he says, âand if we do, the other one has to find usâ
you look at him, your eyes shining as you nod your head, âdealâ
he smiles at you and then kisses you again, both of you smiling against your lips.
âiâm so in love with you, seungminâ, you whisper.
he laughs quietly, almost overwhelmed by it.
âgoodâ, he says against your mouth, âbecause iâm ridiculously in love with you too, y/nâ
you laugh again and then you hear his stomach growling loudly between you and you both burst into laughter. seungmin groans and buries his face against your shoulder.
âoh my god, minnie, youâre starvingâ
âmhm, i amâ
you laugh harder, brushing your fingers through his hair while he keeps holding you close.
âi was trying to find food when you came hereâ, you tell him, âbut thereâs basically⊠nothingâ
he hums thoughtfully against your neck and then lifts his head again, a mischievous look in his eyes, dangerously familiar.
âwellâ, he says casually, his hands sliding slowly along your thighs, âif thereâs no food here, i think we could entertain ourselves with something elseâŠâ
your breath catches and then you laugh, shaking your head while he grins against your lips before kissing you again and biting your lower lip jokingly. before you can even tease him properly, he lifts you off the counter into his arms and you laugh in surprise, your arms wrapping around his shoulders while he kisses you again walking towards his room.
âseungmin-â
âwhat?â
âyouâre impossibleâ
âyeahâ, he says easily, âbut you love meâ
you smile helplessly against his mouth, âi really doâ
he carries you back into his room while kissing you between your laughter and whispered i love yous, and when you close the door behind you once more, the rest of the world disappears completely again.
âwellâ, you say, standing outside the door of your lodge, âyou should probably go before someone sees usâ
âmmhmâ, seungmin hums absentmindedly, clearly not listening at all because his eyes are fixed on your lips again.
you laugh quietly, âseungminâ
âwhat?â
âyou have to goâ
âbut i donât want toâ
you roll your eyes affectionately while he steals another kiss anyway, one of his hands sliding around your waist to pull you closer to him.
âyouâre unbelievableâ, you mumble against his lips as you laugh again.
your laugh gets swallowed by his mouth when he kisses you again, the kiss dangerously addictive, because neither of you is trying to hold back anymore. when he pulses away, your lips are tingling and your heartbeat feels like it will escape your chest at any minute now.
âitâs almost midnightâ, you whisper weakly, even though your hands are still gripping the front of his hoodie, because you donât want him to leave either.Â
âokayâ, he says, then kisses you again.
âseungmin!â
âwhat? iâm saying good nightâ
âthis is like your⊠tenth good nightâ
âand itâs still not enoughâ
his voice is teasing, but thereâs something softer underneath it too, something that makes your chest ache in a good way.Â
tomorrow is the final choice day, and the thought hangs quietly between you both for a second, but right now, under the porch light with both of his hands on your waist now and his smile pressed into your skin, none of it feels scary anymore.
âiâll see you tomorrowâ, you whisper.
a small smile spreads across his face, fond and almost disbelieving, like he still canât fully process that youâre here, choosing him back, together again.
âyeahâ, he says.
then he presses one last kiss to the corner of your mouth before finally stepping away from you and you have to say you miss his warmth immediately.
âthereâ, you say, pointing towards the path behind him, âgo little puppyâ
he sighs dramatically but obeys, slowly walking backwards down the path while still holding onto your hand for as long as possible.
âyouâre being clingy todayâ, you tell him.Â
âyou love itâ, he says, and unfortunately, heâs right.
you laugh softly as your fingers finally slip apart.
âgood night, minnieâ
âgood night, babyâ
you shake your head and then turn towards the door, ready to type the code into the lock while you try to ignore the stupid smile pulling at your mouth. but before you get the chance to-
ây/nâ
you turn around and seungmin is back in front of you again. you donât get the chance to ask what happened before he grabs your face gently and kisses you one more time, like he just needed this one more moment with you before he left for the night. just one more reminder, one more chance to love you before the night ended.
your fingers curl weakly into his hoodie as he kisses you and when he pulls away, both of you are smiling helplessly again.
âi love youâ, he says, resting his forehead against yours.
âi love you tooâ, you say as your heart melts completely.
then, he steps away again and this time he actually leaves. you stand there, watching him disappear down the path with your lips swollen from kissing him and your entire chest warm unbearably before you finally turn back towards the door and type the code. you walk inside the lodge and close the door, and god, every time you think about the way he looked at you today, your stomach flips all over again.
you bite back a smile to yourself as you start walking down the hallway towards the stairs, trying not to make too much noise. youâre halfway there when-
âwell, look who finally came homeâ
you jump so hard you almost scream. your head snaps towards the kitchen and you find lily sitting there in one of the chairs, illuminated only by the small lamp above the stove. sheâs holding a mug in both hands while she watches you with the most knowing expression youâve ever seen.
âoh my god, lily! you scared meâ
she bursts out laughing, âyouâre being dramaticâ
you walk towards her, unable to stop smiling. the happiness inside you feels too big now, too impossible to hide, and lily notices it.
âwhere were you all day?â
you bite your lip and then pull out the chair beside her and sit down, trying and failing to hide your smile.Â
âi was with seungminâ
âoh my godâ, she gasps.
you laugh, looking down at your hands.
âoh my god!â, she repeats, grabbing your arm now, âtell me everything right nowâ
you laugh harder, shaking your head.
âthereâs not that much to tell-â
âliarâ
you cover your face with both hands as you laugh and lily gasps again.
âyou got back together, didnât you?â
your heart stumbles at the words.
back together.
it feels unreal hearing it out loud.
slowly, you lower your hands and look at her before you nod your head.
âi knew it!â
you laugh harder as she hugs you tightly from the side.
âi knew it, i knew it, i knew it, i knew itâ, she keeps saying.
you laugh against her shoulder, suddenly emotional all over again, because after everything you had been through - all the confusion, the pain, the fear, the heartbreak - you found your way back to him.
lily pulls back to look at you properly now, her eyes softer, not joking this time.
âare you okay?â
you nod your head, âyeah, iâm okayâ
lily smiles at you so warmly it nearly makes you cry again, âwere you with him this whole time?â
your face heats up, âyesâ
âand how is he?â
your smile grows again, âheâs good. we talked, a lot. i went to his lodge and he wasnât there, then i went to the beach and he was there and from there we went to his parentsâ house and just.. talkedâ
lily watches you while you continue.
âand i talked to chan too, when i went to the lodgeâ
that makes her expression change, âoh, and how did that go?â
you exhale softly.
âhe apologisedâ, you tell her, âand i apologised tooâ, you look down before continuing, âwe just⊠understood each other, i guessâ
lily nods slowly, âand now?â
you smile before you can stop yourself, feeling relieved, âand now itâs doneâ
chan had let go and you had finally stopped running in circles and had run towards seungmin instead.Â
lily reaches over and squeezes your hand, ây/n iâm really happy for youâ
you look at her and you know she really means it.
âi couldnât have done this without youâ
lily shakes her head, âyes, you could haveâ
ânoâ, you laugh weakly, âseriously lilyâ, you squeeze her hand back, âyou were there when i completely lost my mind and you stayed with me through everythingâ
lily smiles softly now, âthatâs what friends are forâ
friends.
your chest aches warmly, because this show gave you heartbreak and confusion and pain and exhaustion. but it also gave you her, and somehow you know lily is going to stay in your life long after all of this ends. Â
you stand up then, exhausted now that the adrenaline is fading.
âokay, iâm gonna shower and sleep for⊠i donât know, one year, i thinkâ
lily snorts, âyeah, good ideaâ
you laugh again and start walking towards the stairs but just before you disappear-
âhey, y/n?â
you turn around and see lily trying very hard not to smile.
âwhat?â
she lifts one brow innocently, âso⊠seungmin and you⊠were you just talking or should i assume that seungminâs parents are gonna need new sheets?â
âlily!â
you stare at her in horror while your face burns so hot you think you might actually die. sheâs bent over laughing now while you now cover your face with both of your hands.Â
âo- oh my god, lily. youâre insane!â
âdo they prefer dark ones or lighter ones?â
youâre laughing so hard now you can barely breathe and lily keeps laughing from the kitchen. you turn around and hurry upstairs while she keeps screaming after you, and you can still hear her, even when you finally reach your room with your cheeks hurting from smiling too much.
the next morning, you wake up to the sound of voices downstairs, not angry voices or people fighting, just being loud, very loud. you stay in your bed for a few seconds, blinking sleep out of your eyes while the sunlight slips through the glass of the window, the storm long gone now.
every time you move, memories from yesterday flash through you all over again - seungminâs hand on your body, his lips on yours, his voice in your ear, his body becoming one with yours.
âoh my godâ, you mumble to yourself as you bite your lip, burying your face into the pillow for one second before another loud laugh echoes from downstairs.Â
han and lily.
you groan softly before finally dragging yourself out of bed. you throw on an oversized hoodie you took from seungmin yesterday and walk downstairs, still half asleep, rubbing one of your eyes as the voices grow louder the closer you get to the kitchen and you stop the moment you see han and lily arguing over breakfast.
âi want this oneâ, lily says.
âno, i want this oneâ, han says, trying to take the plate away from her, but lily is faster and moves away from him.
you stare at them for a second before speaking, âdo you two actually remember there are other people living in this house, right?â
both of them turn to look at you and han jumps slightly, âoh shit, sorry, y/nâ
âoh donât apologiseâ, she says, waving him off casually before looking directly at you with a grin, âshe got some yesterdayâ
you freeze and hanâs eyes widen.
âwait what?â, he asks.
âlily!â
âyeah, with seungminâ, she says.
you let out the loudest groan imaginable while han nearly chokes laughing.
âno wayâ, he says, staring at you in complete disbelief, âno actual wayâ
âoh my godâ, you mumble, covering your face with your hands, âi hate both of youâ
lily looks delighted with herself and han is laughing so hard now he has to grab the counter.
âthis is better than a movie, i love thisâ, he says laughing.
you move and throw a napkin at him but he dodges it easily, surprisingly you have to say.Â
âbut y/nâŠâ, lily says, smirking and you already know where this is going.
ânoâ
âiâm not gonna ask for detailsâ, she says, âiâm just asking for a numberâ
âlily!â
han loses it again, âa number?â, he repeats, laughing.
âyesâ, lily says seriously, âone to ten. you broke up a long time ago, a lot of orgasms were lost along the way, he has to make up for lost timeâ
you hide your face in your hands again while both of them laugh harder.
âthatâs it, iâm leavingâ, you mumble.
âno, youâre notâ, han says, walking towards you and pulling you towards the table, âsit down and suffer with usâ
lily slides a plate towards you with the brightest smile imaginable, âyouâre welcome by the wayâ
you glare at her while sitting down and she only grins wider. the three of you continue laughing and teasing each other while you eat breakfast together, but then, you realise something.
âwaitâ, you say, looking around, âwhereâs minho?â
lily goes quiet and you and han look at her as she tries to act casual, âhe got the text earlierâ
your stomach flips softly, âthe final choice?â
she nods her head and you and han exchange one quick look because you both understand whatâs happening beneath her calm expression.
sheâs terrified.
lily laughs nervously after a second, âitâs stupid, right? i know itâs stupidâ
âitâs not stupid, lilyâ, you say and han nods his head.
she presses her lips together, âbut what if-â
âheâs gonna choose youâ, han says before she can even finish.
the certainty in his voice makes all of you pause. lily looks at him and thereâs something so soft in hanâs expression when he looks back at her, no bitterness or regret, just affection for her, for everything they were.
âyou really think so?â, she asks him.
âyeahâ, he says, âhe would be stupid not toâ
your heart aches a little at the sight of them, because this is what loving someone could look like too, even after everything has ended.Â
lilyâs eyes get suspiciously shiny and she quickly looks away right as her phone vibrates loudly. she grabs it immediately and then her entire face changes.
âoh my godâ
you grin, âgo and get your manâ
han laughs as she stands up, âbut breathe first, lily, come onâ
âi canât!â, she says, her voice almost screaming, and sheâs already rushing towards the hallway before turning back around, âhow do i look?â
âbeautifulâ, you and han answer at the same time.
she grabs her bag and then rushes back towards you, hugging you tightly first, then han, and then sheâs gone, the front door slamming shut behind her.
âshe really likes himâ, han says as he leans back in his chair with a small smile.
âyeah, she really doesâ, you say and then you turn to look at him, âyouâre really sweet you know that? you know, the way you support her like thisâŠâ
he shrugs softly, looking down at his cup for a second.
âsheâs a great girl and we were together a long time ago. i justâŠâ, he exhales softly, âi just want her to be happy, and minho is a great guyâ
you nod your head, âyeah, i think so tooâ
he nods his head too and then looks at you, âbut itâs actually tragic, thoughâ
âwhat is?â
âthat you were still so into seungminâ, he says and you burst out laughing because you know heâs joking, âand then chan happened⊠i think we couldâve been perfect, our love for cheesecakes is our bondâ
you laugh harder and throw another napkin at him, this time hitting his face directly.
âokay, yeah, this is violenceâ, he says, laughing now too.
âyou deserve worseâ
the two of you continue joking around while cleaning the kitchen together afterwards, the morning feeling strangely peaceful despite everything waiting for all of you later today.
the final choice, the end of the show.
you try not to think about it too much but eventually both of you go to your rooms to get ready anyway. and an hour later, just as youâre finishing getting dressed, your phone vibrates and you already know what it is before you look at it.Â
exchange: please arrive at the following address in 15 minutes
itâs time.Â
you go downstairs and find han in the living room, and the moment he sees you, his face softens, because he already knows, you donât even need to say anything.
a small and nervous smile appears on your face and han lets out a quiet breath through his nose before he opens his arms for you.
âcome hereâ
you laugh softly, feeling emotional already, and then walk straight into his hug. he wraps his arms around you tightly and you just stay there holding onto him.
âyou okay?â, he asks you.
you nod against his shoulder, âyeah, i think soâ
he pulls away to look at you and then smiles, âgood, you deserve to be happyâ, he then fixes a strand of hair away from your face and speaks again, âgood luck, okay?â
your throat tightens and you nod your head, âthank youâ
he knows those two words carry everything inside them - thank you for staying, thank you for helping me survive this, thank you for being my friend, thank you for not giving up. han understands all of it without you saying any of it out loud and then nods his head and squeezes your shoulders gently before letting you go.
ânow goâ, he says, âbefore i get emotional tooâ
you laugh again and finally leave the lodge. the sky is quiet after yesterdayâs storm and the streets are almost empty and the closer you get to the address they sent you, the louder your heartbeat becomes. itâs nearby, just a few streets away from the lodges and when you finally arrive, you stop completely.
itâs a house, beautiful in a strangely intimate way. you walk towards it and find the front door already unlocked, clearly waiting for you. you push it open and step inside, and when you do, a screen lights up in front of you and a simple message appears.Â
exchange: please go to the room with the white door
your breathing grows uneven immediately, your nerves getting worse by the minute, and you walk through the hallway until you finally find it.
the white door.
your hand hesitates a bit over the handle before you finally push it open and when you step inside, everything inside you breaks apart quietly.
the room is full of memories, itâs full of your photos, everywhere - they are pinned to the walls, hanging from strings with little lights around them, spread across tables. there are polaroids of seungmin and you, printed pictures, old phone photos, photos from years ago, your entire relationship stretched around the room.
you stop moving completely and your eyes start burning.
âoh my godâŠâ
thereâs a picture of you both at the beach years ago, seungmin holding you over his shoulder while you scream laughing. thereâs another one of him asleep on your lap during a road trip with your friends. once where both of you are wearing matching christmas pyjamas at his parentsâ house. thereâs one blurry picture taken at four in the morning where both of you are laughing so hard neither of you is properly visible.
you see little moments captured there, cooking together, your hands intertwined, you sleeping against his chest, you dancing in a wedding, little moments of your life together. you remember most of these photos, but there are also some of them that you forgot even existed, photos that no one had access to unless-
hyunjin.
of course he helped with this.
you walk around the room, staring at every single memory like the memory stares right back at you. they are not just photos of you together, they are moments of your life, proof that your love existed, that it was real, that it was beautiful and it was the best thing youâve ever had.
your fingers brush over one picture of seungmin kissing your cheek while you grin at the camera, completely unaware of how loved you looked. tears spill down your face before you can stop them and even though you wipe them quickly, more follow anyway.
you move through the room almost like youâre walking through moments of your life one step at at time and then you notice another screen at the far end of the room and it lights up as you get closer to it, a question appearing there.
exchange: what do you think love is?
you stare at it for a moment and then slowly answer.
âi thinkâŠâ, your voice shakes slightly, âi think love is choosing someone over and over againâ
the screen changes.
exchange: can love change?
you swallow and then answer again.
âyesâ, you whisper, âpeople change, relationships change. love changes tooâ
exchange: can love survive pain?
you close your eyes briefly before you open them again, âyesâ
exchange: can love be reborn?
you think about the storms, about the beach, about crying in seungminâs arms, about kissing him like the world was ending.Â
âyesâ, you whisper again, tears slipping down your cheeks, âi think sometimes love can break first before it finds its way backâ
the screen goes quiet for a moment before another question appears.
exchange: can love ever truly end?
your breath catches and then your eyes drift slowly around the walls again - all those years, all those memories, all those moments, all that love.
ânoâ, your voice breaks completely now, âi donât think real love ever disappearsâ
silence fills the room after that. you wipe your face quickly, trying to breathe properly again, trying to calm your heartbeat and then, you hear the door opening behind you. you already know who it is before you even turn around but somehow your heart still explodes the moment you do.
seungmin stands there in the doorway, his eyes moving across the room quickly - the photographs, the memories hanging everywhere around you both like pieces of a life neither of you ever truly let go of.
and then his eyes find you and everything else just disappears.
âheyâ, he says, the word so soft it almost breaks you all over again.
you try to smile at him through your tears but your lips tremble too hard to hold it properly and the second he sees that look on your face, he starts walking towards you, like there was never any other direction for him to go.
seungmin crosses the room quickly until heâs standing right in front of you, both of his hands reaching for your face.
âthere you areâ, he whispers shakily.
his palms are warm against your cheeks, careful and protective. his thumbs wipe beneath your eyes automatically, catching your tears before they can fall further down your skin.Â
âheyâ, he says, his voice gentler now, âare you okay?â
you nod quickly despite the tears still slipping down your face, âyeah, iâm okayâ
he smiles a little then, while his thumb brushes beneath your eye again. his forehead nearly drops against yours right there, and itâs like he has to physically stop himself from pulling you into his arms immediately, but then the screen lights up again and you both turn towards it.
exchange: what do you think love is?
you look at seungmin and heâs already looking at you. his hand slides carefully to the small of your back then, grounding you there beside him, his thumb rubbing slow and comforting circles against your spine before he answers.
âi think love isâŠâ, he pauses softly, his eyes still on yours, âwanting someone to be in every version of your future. itâs waking up every day and choosing the same person even after things get difficult, even after things breakâ
the screen changes again.
exchange: can love change?
seungmin smiles faintly at that, âyeah, it changes constantlyâ, his eyes drift around the room, âat first itâs really exciting, then itâs comfort, then safety. then it becomes the person that feels like home to youâ
your eyes immediately fill again.
exchange: can love survive pain?
this time seungmin doesnât hesitate.
âyesâ, his answer is immediate, "because if it couldnât, we wouldnât be standing here right nowâ
the words hit you so hard your breathing stumbles. you feel his hand slide more firmly around your waist then, pulling you closer to his side.
exchange: can love be reborn?
seungmin lets out the smallest laugh and then looks at you again.
âi think sometimes people need to lose each other for a while before they understand how to love each other properlyâ
tears blur your vision then and he continues.
âi think love can come back stronger after pain if both people are willing to fight for itâ; his eyes shine as he says it, âand i would fight for y/n foreverâ
exchange: can love ever truly end?
âno, real love never disappearsâ, he says.
the screen pauses for a second and then a new question appears.
exchange: y/n, did you ever move on from seungmin?
you feel seungminâs eyes turn towards you again while your own heartbeat pounds in your chest.
âi thought i did, at the beginningâ, you say as your voice trembles, âi really thought i hadâ, your eyes drift around the room again, towards all those memories pinned to the walls, âbut i think⊠i never stopped loving him. i just convinced myself that i had to pretend that i didnât want him anymore, but it was there the whole timeâ
your voice cracks completely at the end and seungminâs hand tightens around your waist.Â
exchange: and now?
you look at him fully then - at the boy who cried in your arms, the boy who kissed you in the rain, the boy who fought for you, the boy who kept choosing you even when he thought he was losing you.
ânow i know that heâs the person i want beside me foreverâ, you say and seungminâs face breaks, âand iâm happyâ, you whisper through your tears, âbecause somehow, even after everything weâve been through⊠i still get to love himâ
a tear slips down seungminâs face and he wipes yours away at the same time. the screen changes again.Â
exchange: seungmin, what was your real purpose on this show?
seungmin laughs softly under his breath, emotional already.
âherâ, he doesnât have to think about it, he knows, âi came here because i didnât wanna move on. i tried to convince myself she was happier without me but even then, i was in love with her and i didnât want it to stop. then she told me about the show andâŠâ, he says, his voice shaking, âi took the chance, as selfish as it couldâve been, but i came because i knew that if i didnât fight for her at least once, iâd regret it for the rest of my lifeâ
the screen changes again.
exchange: weâve saved your nightly texts for the past few days and during these days, you have consistently chosen to text each other every night
you turn towards each other and somehow that completely breaks both of you again because of course you did. even when you were confused and hurting, even when other people entered your lives, at the end of every single day, you still reached for each other.
seungmin lets out the softest disbelieving laugh while tears fall down his face again, much harder this time, relief written all over his face.
âoh godâ, he whispers, âthank youâ
youâre crying too hard to speak. he cups your face again, wiping your tears with his thumbs while he looks at you like his entire heart is visible in his eyes.
âi love you so much, y/nâ, he whispers.
you smile through your tears, âi love you tooâ
his forehead drops against yours while you both laugh and cry at the same time and then, the final question appears.
exchange: how do you want to leave the show?
seungmin turns towards you and his eyes soften again, destroying you completely for the thousandth time.
âwith y/nâ, his voice is quiet but unwavering, âthereâs no version of this where i donât choose herâ
your breath catches sharply as he continues.
âyouâreâŠâ, he pauses, completely overwhelmed, his tears falling faster now as all of the emotions visibly crash into him all over again, âyouâre the love of my lifeâ, tears continue falling down your face and seungmin smiles helplessly through his own, âand i knew that from the beginningâ, his voice cracks softly, âyouâre my home, y/nâ
a sob escapes you before you can stop it and seungmin pulls you against his chest with a soft and broken laugh.
âhey, heyâŠâ
you bury your face against his chest while he holds you tightly, one of his hands cradling the back of your head. when you finally pull back enough to answer and look at him, your entire body is trembling.
âi want to leave with you too, there's nobody else for meâ, you whisper through your tears, âthere never wasâ, his face completely falls apart, âeverything makes me think of you and even when i thought we were over foreverâŠâ, your voice cracks again, âi still loved youâ
seungmin is openly crying now and you try to wipe his tears with your thumbs, just like he did with you.
no more questions appear after that, now thereâs only the soft glow of the lights around your memories and the quiet sound of both of you breathing. seungmin looks at you like he canât believe this is real and then, he rubs your cheek and your eyes close into his touch.
âi love youâ, he whispers, and this time it sounds complete, and they are the most beautiful words youâve ever heard.Â
âi love you tooâ, you say.
and then, he kisses you, he finally kisses you. his hand stays against your cheek while your fingers curl into the front of his shirt, both of you melting into each other like every broken piece has finally found where it belonged again.Â
years of love and heartbreak and longing and yearning are poured into the kiss all at once. you can taste his tears when he kisses you deeper. you can feel his hands shaking where they hold you closer.
and when you finally break apart just enough to breathe, both of you are still crying softly against each other, finally finding each other again after being lost for too long.
âwe really made it back to each otherâ, he whispers.
âyeah, we really didâ, you whisper back.
and surrounded by every version of your love story hanging on the walls around you, with his hands holding you like he never wants to let go again, you realise something quietly devastating and beautiful at the same time-
some loves really do survive everything.
a/n: and this is it my loves đ we made it to the end, seungmin and y/n got back together and we're all crying. thank you SO much for reading this, you have no idea how much this has meant to me and i honestly can't thank you enough. this is the end of their journey in the show HOWEVER... we still have some story left because we can't let them go now that they're back together, can we? that's why an epilogue will come out shortly because you know me and you know i'm always hiding something and this is part of it (and who knows what else i might be hiding đ«Ł)
the library
likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated đ
if you want me to add you to the taglist let me know in the comments âșïž
i was like đ and then i was like đ„č and now iâm like đ
all happy tears!!! andy this story was gold and perfection and i loved it so so much thank you for writing it đ«¶đ» a little sad itâs over but GAHHHHHHH itâs so good pls everyone read it đ
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ohemgee hai idk if u do emoji anons but cna i be đ (ik u saw me in lenes post)
omg hihi!!! iâve never had anyone ask before đ„č i would love to do emoji anons đ«¶đ» but yes ofc you can be đ since you are indeed the first đââïž
yes yes i did tysm for coming by and saying hi!!! đ
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summary: four ex-couples are brought together to test whether love can end, restart or transform. youâre not sure which path is yours yet - closure, a new beginning or the courage to try again
< part 11 | part 13 >
ready.
one word, five letters, but it feels much bigger than it really is. because itâs not just a date - itâs your first real date since you broke up, since you entered the show, since you had to pretend not to know each other, since his tears and your lips almost pressed together the other night.Â
ready? no, youâre not ready, but still, you nod your head.
âyeahâ
âgoodâ, he says then smiles as he steps aside, gesturing for you to walk with him.
you walk together, leaving the lodge behind you, as the air presses on your skin and the sunlight warms the streets slowly. neither of you says much at first, but itâs because you both feel like there are too many things between you and neither of you knows where to begin. so instead, you walk side by side as your shoulders keep brushing each other, until you glance at him.
âsoâ, you start, âwhere are we going?â
seungmin immediately shakes his head.
ânoâ
you narrow your eyes as you look at him, âwhat? what do you mean ânoâ?â
âit means that iâm not telling youâ
âkim seungminâ
he laughs softly at the way you say his name, âalways so impatient. youâll see when we get thereâ
âyouâre annoyingâ
âthatâs okayâ, he says, smiling again, âyou like me that wayâ
and all the while, you keep trying to guess where youâre going.
âitâs the aquarium, isnât it?â
ânoâ
âthe museum near the beach?â
ây/nâ, he says dryly, âyou really think iâd plan a museum date? iâm not hyunjin you knowâ
âyeah, i guess youâre rightâ, you say, laughing a bit when you think about your friend.
he glances at you then and a small smile appears on his face. you look at him and your heart starts racing as you think about the other night again, then your thoughts start spiralling all over again because he still hasnât mentioned it - nothing about your lips almost touching or his hand on your waist pulling you closer.
he has said absolutely nothing.
you know he was drunk, but he was not that drunk⊠right?
you continue looking at him as he walks beside you, completely relaxed, with one of his hands tucked into his pocket while the other swings beside him.
does he really not remember it?Â
does he remember it but heâs embarrassed?Â
does he regret it?Â
is he waiting for you to say something first?Â
the questions keep piling up in your chest, the pressure becoming almost unbearable, but before your mind can keep spiralling even further, you finally realise where you are. the closer you get to the coast, the louder the ocean becomes and the faster the salty air reaches you. you hear the sound of the waves, crashing against the shore, and then you see the beach itself opening up ahead.Â
âyou figured it out?â, seungmin asks you.
ânoâ, you answer honestly, looking around.
you follow him further down the shore, towards a smaller area near the water where a tiny wooden port stretches out over the sea and then you see them - the clear kayaks. small transparent boats resting against the dock as the sunlight reflects beautifully across their surfaces while the ocean glimmers beneath them.Â
âoh my god!â, you say as you stop walking, your eyes and smile growing.
seungmin turns towards you just in time to see your expression completely change, excitement flashing across your face so openly it makes him laugh, loud and bright, the same excitement flashing across his face now too.
âyou remember?â, you ask him, turning fully towards him now.
âof course i rememberâ, he says.
your heart squeezes at the memory while this flashes in your mind - you two standing near this exact place years ago during your first trip to jeju together, staring at the water while talking about renting one of those boats, but it had gotten late that day and they were just closing. and the next time you went, it was cold. and the next one, something else you donât remember happened. and somehow, time after time, it never happened. it became one of those tiny things life keeps postponing until suddenly years pass.
you look back at the boats again, your excitement still growing inside you.
âwe always wanted to try thisâ
seungmin keeps watching you with a smile on his face and when you turn back towards him again, heâs looking at you with something unbearably soft in his eyes, almost emotional, like the same memory of you in that place is flashing in his mind too.
âyeahâ, he says, âand we never did it until nowâ
you look at the boats again, as the sunlight keeps reflecting against the water beneath them. it feels strangely unreal, not because of the place, but because of him, because after everything that had happened between you, after all the hurt and distance and heartbreak, youâre still here beside him, standing on the shore like this and somehow, it still feels natural.
seungmin nudges your shoulder, âcome on, before someone else takes the good onesâ
you laugh and follow him towards the small rental stall near the dock. the woman there smiles politely while seungmin talks to her, renting one of the boats for an hour. you stand beside him listening absentmindedly as your eyes keep drifting towards the ocean again and again.
the water is beautiful today, clean and bright, calm enough that the boats glide gently over the surface near the shore. seungmin finishes paying and then turns back to you, smiling again.
âokay, you ready?â
you grin immediately, âyesâ
he laughs at how excited you sound and then leads you towards one of the transparent kayaks resting beside the dock. he helps you step in first and the boat rocks a little when you do.
âbe carefulâ, he says quickly, his grip tightening on your arm.
âiâm fineâ, you say, laughing at how nervous he sounds.
âyou say that nowâ
âwell, youâre the clumsy one between usâ
âthatâs slanderâ
you sit in one seat while seungmin settles in front of you, grabbing the paddles with exaggerated confidence.
âokay, iâve got this, trust meâ
you huff jokingly as you shake your head, âthat doesnât sound very convincingâ
âno, no, iâve got thisâ
he absolutely does not have this.
the moment he tries pushing away from the dock properly, the kayak turns awkwardly sideways instead and you start laughing.
âoh my god, seungminâ
âwaitâ, he says, trying to fix it, âjust⊠hold onâ
âweâre spinningâ
âwe are not spinningâ
the kayak spins again.
youâre laughing so hard your stomach starts hurting and seungmin finally breaks too, dropping his head as he laughs with you.
âokay⊠i swear this looked much easier onlineâ
âonline?â, you repeat between laughs, âyou searched this?â
âof course i did!â
âand how are you so bad at this?â
âokay, wow. thatâs enough from the passenger princessâ
you laugh even harder then and the sound carries across the water, bright and real. you look at seungmin again and everything else disappears, everything fades beneath the sunlight and the ocean and seungmin laughing with you like you used to.
after several failed attempts and one near collision with another kayak, he finally starts getting the hang of it and the boat steadies a little, the movements becoming smoother now.Â
âyou see?â, he says proudly, ânatural talentâ
âseungmin, you almost killed us ten minutes agoâ
âbut i didnât, did i?â
you stick your tongue at him and he grins immediately, completely pleased with himself. the further you drift from the shore, the prettier everything becomes as the ocean glimmers beneath you. you can see shadows moving under the water sometimes, little fish darting through the sunlight, as the breeze is soft against your skin.
seungmin keeps looking at you when he thinks youâre not paying attention, but you notice every single time, thereâs no way you could ever miss it. you reach for the other set of paddles resting beside you and try to help him.
âi can do this too, you knowâ
âdonât worry, itâs okayâ
âbut youâre doing all the workâ
âthatâs the pointâ, he says.
you look at him suspiciously, âand what exactly is the point?â
he shrugs his shoulders, âfor you to enjoy itâ, he says and then adds without thinking, âjust relax, baby, iâve got itâ
baby.
your nickname, just like you called him minnie the other day.Â
your heart stops and you see seungmin freezing in front of you, the word hanging between you, familiar and devastating at the same time. you feel the heat rushing to your face, and he tries to look anywhere but you, trying to avoid your eyes at him. you both know what he has said, but none of you mentions it. itâs like the walls between you keep slipping down without permission.
trying to break the moment, to stop things from becoming awkward, you pull out your phone and seungmin looks at you again, narrowing his eyes when he realises what youâre doing.Â
ây/n? what-â
âpose for meâ, you say, already opening the camera on your phone.
âwhat? noâ
âyesâ
âyou are just gonna take horrible pictures of meâ
âthatâs actually offensive considering youâre the one who taught me photographyâ
itâs his turn to huff now, shaking his head before he looks at you again.
âthatâs because i know youâre gonna ignore everything i ever taught youâ
âokay, whateverâ, you say, lifting your phone now, âpose, modelâ
âi hate youâ
âyou love meâ
your words slip out naturally and he goes quiet for a second, then smiles softly instead of answering.
you spend the next minutes taking pictures of him while he rows and some of them are genuinely beautiful, while others are just awful because the boat keeps moving. you catch him mid-laugh in one of the pictures, just after you almost drop your phone into the ocean, and when you show it to him, he stares at it and then hums.
âokay⊠this one is actually really goodâ, he says.
âiâll have you know youâre not the only photographer hereâ
he laughs as he looks at you, âyeah, well⊠and you always were good at capturing thingsâ
the compliment feels much bigger than it is, your chest tightening again as he says it and you have to look away and before you realise it, the hour has already passed. one moment youâre laughing while seungmin complains about his arms hurting and the next youâre already nearing the shore again, the dock getting closer and closer.
seungmin helps you out of the kayak once you reach the dock and his hand stays in yours longer than necessary after you step onto the wood but you donât let it go, and neither of you points it out.Â
the woman at the stall thanks you as seungmin returns the paddles and you stand there watching the ocean again, the sunlight still dancing across the water. then you look at him again - you look at the way he smiles politely while speaking to her, at the way his hair moves with the breeze, at the way his hands move while he talks.
something inside you shifts again, like itâs something that had been lost for a very long time and is now slowly trying to find its way back home.
âheyâ, seungmin says when he turns back to you.
you blink softly, pulled out of your thoughts, âhm?â
he steps closer, âare you hungry?â
âyeah, a littleâ
you smile before you can stop yourself and the second he sees your smile, his expression softens completely.
âcome onâ, he says, âi know where we should goâ
you follow him without questioning and the two of you walk away from the shore slowly, falling into step beside each other naturally, much closer than before. so closer that your arms brush, even your hands almost touch now, but none of you dare to take the next step, and whether that is to pull them together or apart⊠you donât know.
the streets near the coast are full of people, you see tourists carrying shopping bags as well as families walking near the sea, carrying everything they need for the beach. you see couples standing beside little stalls selling handmade jewellery and food and postcards and you think how once upon a time, you two were one of those couples.
âyou knowâ, you hear seungmin talking, âi think i deserve some praise for surviving the whole kayak thingâ
âwhy? it was your fault we were in that situationâ, you say, teasing him.
âthatâs not the pointâ
you laugh, âyou almost crashed us into a family, seungminâ
âthey were in our way! there was nothing i could do to stop itâ
you laugh which makes him laugh too and then you realise how much youâve missed this. not just him, this, in general. youâve missed the ease of him and how he always made you laugh without trying, how much youâve missed the way being beside him used to feel like breathing.Â
you turn down a smaller street near the seafront and your eyes water a bit when you recognise the restaurant.
âseungminâŠâ
he smiles proudly because this was one of your favourite places in jeju, a place you always went whenever you came to jeju. itâs a tiny seafood restaurant hidden between colourful buildings, close enough to the water that you could hear the waves from outside. you came here so constantly during your trips together that even the owner even used to recognise you both, you donât know if that will happen today.Â
you walk inside together and then seungmin quietly follows you to one of the tables. the restaurant is warm and cozy compared to the bright streets outside, and when you sit across from each near the windows, your body still remembers this place too well.Â
you start reading the menu, even though you already know what youâre gonna order, but you just do it so you can avoid seungminâs eyes, because he just keeps looking at you.
âwhat?â
ânothingâ, he says, looking away now that youâve caught him.
âyouâre staring, seungminâ
âno, iâm notâ
âyes you areâ
he smiles a little into his menu as he shakes his head. you shake your head too, trying to ignore the way your heartbeat keeps reacting to every little thing he does. once your food arrives, you start talking about old trips together, just funny memories, like the time you both missed your train because he insisted on taking pictures of the sunset or the time it rained so hard in busan you spent an entire day inside watching movies together beneath the blankets.
your conversation quiets naturally at some point, becoming more honest, and you look down at your food for a second before speaking carefully.
âseungmin, can i, um⊠can i ask you something?â
he looks up immediately, âwhat?â
you hesitate briefly before you speak, âthe first days in the house, i⊠i heard youâ
his brows pull together, âheard me?â
âtalking with chan and minhoâ, you say as your fingers move lightly against the table, âyou said you were grateful for me, well, not me because we couldnât reveal our exes, you know, butâŠâ, you see seungmin going completely still but you keep speaking before you lose courage, âyou said that what you were grateful and that even if⊠even if we didnât last forever, we were still important and uh⊠did you⊠did you mean it?â
seungmin looks down briefly before letting out a small breath.Â
âyeah, i meant itâ
âokay, i just⊠i wanted to know...â
ây/nâŠâ, he pauses then sighs before speaking again, âyou were one of the best things that ever happened to meâ
your chest aches so suddenly it almost hurts to breathe and when you look at him again, you realise he isnât trying to romanticise the past. heâs just telling the truth, the simplest version of it and you just smile, feeling emotional already.Â
âand i think that⊠even when we were breaking each otherâs hearts⊠i was still grateful for youâ
seungmin stares at you after that, hoping his words reached somewhere deep inside you, then he smiles, and he looks small and devastatingly beautiful.
âiâll always be grateful for you, y/nâ
you look at him as one tear escapes your eye, âiâll always be grateful for you too, seungminâ
he smiles again and itâs like the pieces of yourselves that are lost in the other are clicking together, all the love and memories, the parts of each other that you still carry.
maybe thatâs what makes all of this feel so dangerous, because there in that same place you used to go to, you can feel yourself remembering why you loved him so much in the first place, and he can feel himself remembering why he came to this show, just for you.Â
you keep eating as the hours pass and the people keep leaving the restaurant and the seafront gets busier. you stand up together and when you reach the door, he holds it open for you but you just stop there, looking at him.
âyou still do thatâ, you say softly.
âwhat?â
âtake care of me before yourselfâ
âsome things never changeâ
your heart stumbles painfully and then you leave the restaurant, him following you right after. once youâre outside, neither of you rushes to go anywhere, you just walk along the seafront, watching the people around you and the food stalls and the lights reflecting against the ocean.
you walk beside each other comfortably, your shoulders brushing every now and then as you continue walking. you look at seungmin from the corner of your eye and he looks happy, thereâs not a forced smile on his face or quiet sadness behind his eyes, he just looks happy. you turn your head to look away from him and then your eyes catch something further ahead.
âseungmin, look!â
he looks at you immediately, âwhat?â
you point excitedly towards a tiny shop between two convenience stores - a photobooth with bright lights and little stickers and photo strips taped everywhere, covering the windows.Â
you donât even think before reacting and immediately grab his hand.
âcome on!â
the second your fingers wrap around his, seungmin freezes completely. you donât notice him doing that, or what you have just done, but his body goes completely still because you just grabbed his hand like you used to do.Â
you keep pulling him towards the shop, âseungmin, come on!â
ây/n-â
âwe have to do it, come on!â
you tug his hand again and seungmin follows you, not knowing what heâs doing, because he barely hears what youâre saying anymore, heâs too focused on your hand holding his. your hand, warm and soft against his. your hand, real and holding his.
âokayâ, you say once youâre inside the tiny shop, turning towards him with a grin, âthis is really importantâ
seungmin looks down at your joined hands before looking back at you again.
âis it?â
âof courseâ
you tug him towards the booth and he just lets you keep holding him. once you get inside, you both squeeze together and itâs so small that your knees brush immediately when you sit down side by side. you close the curtain and then the little screen in front of you lights up while the countdown starts.
you smile brightly at the camera but seungmin just sits there looking slightly startled, his eyes big and round. the picture flashes and you burst out laughing.
âoh my god, seungminâ
âwhat?â
âyou look terrifiedâ
âi- i wasnât readyâ
âthere was a countdownâ
you laugh again when the next countdown begins but this time, you lean closer towards him and he looks at you quickly, too stiff and careful. you feel it now, his hesitation, how he doesnât know how much heâs allowed to do or how close heâs allowed to get. he doesnât know where the line is anymore, but neither do you.
the next picture flashes and then another one. you start making funny faces to get him to relax until he finally laughs after you puff your cheeks in one of the pictures.
âthere you areâ, you say softly.
âwhat?â
âyou disappeared for a second, but i got you backâ, you say, smiling at him now.
he looks at you quietly after that and then little by little, he starts losing up, the pictures now coming out much better. youâre both laughing inside the tiny booth while the camera keeps flashing and you lean closer to him until one of your arms wraps loosely around his shoulders. seungminâs eyes widen slightly at the contact before his hand settles carefully against your waist, tentative at first, like heâs asking permission without words, but when you donât move away, his grip tightens, pulling you closer to him.Â
your breath catches and you turn your head to look at him and he does the same and thatâs when the next flash goes off, with both of you looking at each other instead of the camera.Â
you wrap your other arm around his neck and seungmin pulls you fully against him, one of his hands warm against your waist as he laughs quietly beside your ear.
âyouâre cheatingâ, he says, âyou keep distracting meâ
âthat sounds like a you problemâ
the final picture flashes just as both of you burst into laughter again. you keep laughing until the screen announces the photos are printing and then silence settles inside the booth. you become aware of how close you actually are, of seungminâs hand resting on your waist, your arms around his neck, and your faces only inches apart. youâre so close that you can feel his breathing next to you, so close that your heart starts pounding all over again.
the printed photo strips slide out below the screen and you pull away first to grab them, but itâs mostly because your brain needs a second to function again.
âseungmin look! we look so cuteâ, you laugh softly while looking at them.
seungmin leans closer behind you and your breath catches again, because you look so happy, so fucking happy, in every picture, especially in the blurry ones where youâre just looking at the other with the biggest smiles on your faces.Â
you continue staring at the pictures then you look sideways at seungmin and you realise heâs already looking at you. heâs much closer than before and then his eyes drop briefly, but not to the pictures, they drop to your lips, and you think maybe heâs going to kiss you this time, and maybe you want him to.
your eyes start lowering too, the space between you shrinking slowly, youâre getting closer and closer, and then-
your phones beep loudly at the exact same time and the moment breaks. you both pull apart too quickly, breathing unevenly while reality crashes back in around you. seungmin clears his throat first and then you look down at your phone, trying to steady your heartbeat.Â
exchange: please arrive at the following address in 30 minutes
you swallow softly. thatâs it, this is the end of the dates, the end of you date with seungmin. you look back at seungmin and judging by the look in his eyes, you know he is thinking the exact same thing you are thinking.
âwellâŠâ, he starts, looking away from you now as he rubs his neck, âshould we, umm⊠should we go?â
you sigh, and move away from him, letting some distance between you.
âyeah, we should go nowâ
you leave the shop together and start walking to the address exchange had texted you, which is not that far from the place youâre at, just a twenty minute walk. your fingers still hold your photo strip as you walk to the place and seungmin walks beside you, his strip tucked safely in his pocket. but every now and then, you catch him stealing glances at the pictures in your hand, and every single time, he smiles to himself.Â
when you get to the address, you see that itâs a bar near the coast and not too far from your lodges, the warm lights that decorate the place already glowing behind wide glass windows. you follow seungmin through the entrance and realise youâre the last ones there, everyone is already gathered in a large lounge area towards the back. when you get closer, you see that everyone is sitting next to their ex and thereâs an empty sofa left for you and seungmin, and that sofa is directly in front of chan, whose eyes lift immediately when he sees you walk in.
âlook who finally decided to join usâ, han says, grinning at you.
âwe came as soon as we got the textâ, seungmin says.
you and seungmin walk towards the sofa and then he looks at you and gestures towards it.
âsit downâ
you do it without thinking and then he sits down too. the sofa is not really big, so you two have to squeeze in together, the sofa dipping under both of you as you settle together, with han sitting on your other side in an armchair. across from you, chan watches the scene quietly, not angry or upset, but you realise youâve never seen him like this.
the waiter comes by a few minutes later with drinks and snacks while you all talk about your dates today, everyone laughing and joking together after spending the day with just your exes.
âi almost died todayâ, changbin says, making all of you laugh.
âoh, come one, bin, you just tripped over a rockâ, yuna says, crying from how much she was laughing.Â
âand? i could have died!â, he says, turning to look at her as he now laughs too.
âyouâre such a drama queenâ, minho says, teasing him as he laughs.
âyouâre one to talkâ, changbin says, turning to minho now, âcome and say it to my face if you dareâ
both of them stand up and get close, pretending to fight, making all of you laugh even harder now, your stomach hurting from how hard youâre laughing. then they stop and sit down, laughing too.
âbut it was fun, i really enjoyed it, yunaâ, changbin says, looking at her smiling.
she returns the smile, âi did tooâ
youâre still looking at them when you feel seungmin leaning closer to you.
âand you?â, he asks you.
you turn your head to look at him, âwhat about me?â
âdid you have fun today?â
the way heâs looking at you makes it feel like the answer matters too much, like it could break him if itâs not the answer he wants, so you just smile, so big that it almost hurts.
âyeah, i really didâ, you say, nodding your head.
seungminâs face melts instantly and across from you, chan notices but before he can say something, the waiter approaches the table again, this time carrying the now familiar envelope youâve grown to love or hate, youâre not really sure.Â
âoh, please, not againâ, yeong says.
âwe can never know peaceâ, minho sighs.
the waiter places the envelope in the middle of the table and then leaves without saying a word. you all stare at it before yuna reaches for it first.
âokay, here it goesâ, she says as she opens it and starts reading.Â
âparticipants, tonight, each participant will have the opportunity to ask three questions to anyone they chooseâ
han sits up straighter in his seat next to you, âoh, this is gonna be funâ
but yuna isnât finished reading yet.
âeach person may refuse to answer only one questionâ
âonly one?â, lily asks, her brows furrowed.
âthatâs evilâ, changbin says.
you laugh softly despite yourself while everyone reacts differently around the table, some laughing like you. but beneath the laughter, tension begins settling slowly into the room too, because what do you ask when honesty is finally allowed?
your eyes move briefly across the table, taking the reactions in - you see yeong looking thoughtful now, hae suddenly seems very interested in her drink, chan leans against his seat and looks to the drink in his hands and beside you, seungmin has gone still, completely alert now.
âokayâ, han says, getting everyoneâs attention, âwho wants to ruin the friendship first?âÂ
hanâs words hang in the air and no one answers, the laughter fading little by little until only the music from the bar fills the silence around you. everyone avoids looking at each other directly, because questions mean answers and answers mean truths people may net be ready to hear.Â
you can feel the tension and fear growing inside you, not just of what you might ask but of what someone else might ask you. you keep thinking about the endless possibilities when changbin clears his throat.
âiâll startâ
everyone looks at him.
âbrave manâ, han mutters.
changbin laughs quietly before his eyes move towards you and that makes your stomach tighten even more than it already is.
âmy first question is for y/nâ
you blink, not knowing what to expect, and surprised that he chose you. beside you, you feel seungmin tensing and his gaze lifts towards him, not knowing what to expect either.
ây/n, did you enjoy your dates with me?â, changbin asks you.
the question catches you off guard a little and changbin scratches the back of his neck awkwardly before continuing.
âi know we already said that weâre friends and all thatâ, he says, smiling faintly, âbut still⊠i wanna make sure you were okay there⊠that i wasnât making you uncomfortable or anything like thatâ
your expression softens immediately and you smile at him.
ânoâ, you say honestly and he watches you as you answer him, âyou didnât. i had a really good time with you. you made things easy and fun, and i⊠i really needed thatâ
changbinâs shoulders relax visibly after hearing you say that.
âokayâ, he says, smiling properly now, âgoodâ
beside you, seungmin stays silent but you feel him relaxing a little. changbin asks his next question after that, directing it towards han, and the questions and answers keep moving. people laugh sometimes and others hesitate longer before answering.Â
yeongâs turn passes, then minhoâs. the atmosphere constantly moving between playful and dangerous, where everyone is teasing each other one second and then the next someone asks something too honest and then everyone keeps quiet again.
meanwhile, your mind keeps drifting further away from the table, because all you can think about is your own turn, what you can ask and the possibility of someone asking you something that you canât answer.
you barely hear minho asking his last question before han looks around the table again.
âwhoâs next?â, he asks.Â
your heart starts beating louder inside your chest and before you can lose your courage, you raise your hand lightly and speak.Â
âiâll go nowâ
several heads turn towards you at once, including seungmin. you straighten in your seat, trying to ignore how fast your heartbeat is now.
âokay⊠my first question is for lilyâ
lily blinks, clearly surprised, âwhat? me?â
you laugh softly, âitâs easy, donât worryâ
she narrows her eyes suspiciously anyway.
âif you had the chance to go on another dateâ, you ask carefully, âwho would you choose?â
han starts grinning instantly, and you have to say you really admire the relationship they both have even after breaking up, seeing how they support each other and want the other to be happy is truly beautiful.
you see minho sighing quietly like he already knows where this is going, and your smile just gets bigger. lily looks at you for a second before realising exactly what youâre doing and then she starts laughing.
âoh my god, youâre evil you know that?â, she tells you, pointing at you as you both laugh.
âjust answer the question before you break my heart moreâ, han says jokingly, placing his hand over his heart making all of you laugh harder.
lily covers part of her face, her cheeks already pink before she looks sideways towards minho.
âminhoâ, she simply says.
han slaps the table loudly, âi knew it!â
minho smiles softly at her while everyone laughs around them.
lily turns her face again and groans into her hands, âugh, this is horrible, i hate all of youâ
minho laughs then too, but the softness in his face makes the teasing even worse.
âaww, you two are so cuteâ, han says, pretending to wipe some tears away.
âshut upâ, both lily and minho say at the exact same time and that only makes everyone laugh even harder.Â
then you look towards minho, âmy second question is for youâ
minho raises an eyebrow, âyouâre continuing your attack?â
âyesâ
he sighs as he shakes his head, then looks at you, âgo aheadâ
you smile at him, teasingly, âsame questionâ
âoh, this is better than a movie, i need popcornâ, han says, losing it again.Â
but minho doesnât even hesitate, not for a second.
âiâd choose lilyâ
lily immediately hides her face again while everyone starts laughing again.
âyou two are disgustingly cuteâ, changbin says fondly.
minho laughs quietly at that while lily throws a napkin at changbinâs face. the mood softens a bit after that, just enough that you almost forget your last question, but you donât.
your eyes start moving slowly across the table again, towards hae, and the second you find hers, the atmosphere shifts again, and hae notices. you can tell by the way her posture changes and the way her eyes sharpen. seungmin goes tense instantly beside you but you ignore it because finally, you have the chance to ask her.
âmy last question is for haeâ
the table quiet completely now, feeling the tension between you two.
hae looks at you, âokayâ
âare you interested in seungmin?â
the silence after your question is immediate, heavy and dangerous, but you donât stop there, not now that youâve started.
âi know you wanted him to be your date, and youâve been on dates together a couple of timesâ, you continue, âand i also know you said some⊠thingsâ
haeâs expression shifts at that, not much but itâs noticeable, because she understands exactly what youâre implying.Â
that you know what she said, what she told seungmin that night during their date.
maybe you donât know everything she said, but you know enough. she can see it written all over your face, that youâre not happy about it.
the room stays painfully quiet, no one dares interrupt or joke this time. hae looks down briefly at her drink before finally answering.
âi was interestedâ
was.
past tense.
sheâs not interested now, or at least pretends not to be. your chest hurts when she says that, even though you already knew and even though she seems to not be interested anymore.
âbutâ, she continues, her voice tighter now, âyou donât have to worry. he made it very clear that i didnât stand a chanceâ
her eyes lift towards yours then, and thereâs a lot of bitterness there, frustration and embarrassment too. but beneath all of it, thereâs anger, not just towards seungmin, but towards you too. because she knows why she never had a chance, because of you, seungmin had told her that very clearly.
you hold her gaze anyway, none of you wanting to be the first one to look away. then han clears his throat awkwardly, trying to cut through the tension gathering around the table.
âwell, umâŠâ, he says, âwho- whoâs next?â
silence again, much thicker this time after your moment with hae but then, across from you, chan finally speaks.
âiâll do itâ
the second he says it, you look at him and something inside your stomach drops because the look on his face feels different, youâve never seen him like that before. itâs a completely different chan from the one youâve been getting to know these days and you donât know how this can go.Â
you feel seungmin sitting a little straighter unconsciously, his shoulder brushing yours for a second before he pulls back again.
âmy first question is for y/nâ, he says, keeping his eyes on you.
youâre not sure why, but the way he says your name makes your body tremble, because he says it like he already knows that this is going to hurt. he exhales softly before speaking.
âwhen you came hereâŠâ, he starts slowly, âwere you actually trying to move on from seungmin?â
your breath catches and then he finishes his question.
âor were you secretly hoping you would get back together?â
silence, complete and real silence, making your ears ring and your body completely still. you hadnât expected that, not from him, not here, not in front of everyone.
your lips part but no sound comes out at first because everything in your mind is racing too fast - the breakup, the nights crying alone after that, the months that kept passing, you and seungmin meeting before you started the show, meeting chan, seungmin getting you your favourite flowers, the almost kiss, chan confessing.Â
everything.
all at once.
you open your mouth again, âi-â
nothing comes out properly and your chest tightens harder as everyone looks at you, waiting for you to say something. and the worst part is that you donât know the answer, or maybe you do, you just donât know how to find it.Â
beside you, seungmin has gone completely rigid, you can feel the tension radiating off him. you swallow hard and force yourself to breathe.
âiâŠâ, you try again, your voice quieter now, almost broken, âi- i think iâm gonna pass this oneâ
the moment the words leave your mouth, something changes in chanâs face - heâs hurt.
ây/nâ, he says, leaning forward slightly, âyou donât have to avoid thisâ
your heartbeat spikes, âiâm not avoiding itâ, you say, though even to yourself it doesnât sound convincing.
âthen just answer meâ
âchan-â
âbecause i think that answer matters and i-â
âbang chanâ
seungminâs voice cuts through the room instantly, sharp and warning, making everyone freeze. you turn your head and see that seungmin is staring directly at chan now, his jaw tight enough to hurt and his eyes dark. and for the first time since you came to this show, you can actually see anger in him.
chan looks back at him immediately, neither of them moves.
âdonât push herâ, seungmin says quietly.
the quietness is somehow worse than if he had shouted. chan keeps looking at him, not wanting to be the one to break, and neither does seungmin. the air between them feels unbearable, heavy, like something is seconds away from snapping. then chan nods his head once.
âfineâ, he says, his eyes still on seungmin, âmy second question is for youâ
he keeps his eyes on chan, his expression never changing as he asks him.
âare you afraid that she could still choose me over you?â
your breath catches again when the question lands brutally, directly, and thatâs the moment where everyone feels that this isnât a game anymore, that this stopped being a game a long time ago.Â
seungmin doesnât answer immediately and you turn your head to look at him and you can see everything that he is trying to hide - that he is exhausted, not physically, heâs emotionally exhausted, like these past days have been tearing pieces off him one by one.
âyesâ
the honesty in his voice shocks the room silent again, even chan looks a bit surprised with his answer. seungmin laughs once under his breath, but thereâs nothing amused about it.Â
âof course iâm afraidâ, he says, his voice completely calm, âwhen you love someone that much, youâre always afraid of losing themâ
your chest aches when you look at seungminâs face, his expression almost breaking you apart. everything hurts so much that youâre sure itâs breaking inside you, that youâre gonna have to pick up the pieces from the floor when all of this is over and you can only wish that this will be over soon.
âbut if thatâs what she choosesâ, he continues, âthen iâll respect itâ, you can barely breathe as he keeps talking, you feel like youâre suffocating, âbecause at the end of the day, itâs her choiceâ
chanâs jaw tightens, you can tell that answer affected him more than he expected. you feel sick, completely sick, because neither of them are lying or playing around.
chan nods his head again and then asks his last question, and this time the room shifts before he even finishes speaking.
âand if you love her so much, just like you say you do, then⊠if you knew she was hurting so much after the breakupâŠâ, he starts, before he finally lets everything out, âwhy didnât you fight for her harder back then?â
you stop breathing, and you can tell that everyone around you does the same. seungmin goes completely still beside you, and then you see it.
the crack.
the one that finally breaks something inside him.
he lets out a hollow laugh under his breath and looks away for a second, shaking his head.
âthatâs your question?â
chan doesnât answer, they just keep looking at each other.
ânoâ, he says, his voice rougher now, âactually, no, fuck thatâ
âseungmin-â, minho starts carefully.
but seungmin just ignores him completely.
âyou think i donât ask myself that every single day?â, he says, glaring at chan, the emotion in his voice shocking everyone silent, âyou think i donât wake up everyday thinking about that?â
chanâs expression hardens too now, âthen why didnât you?â, he asks back immediately.Â
and then the tension explodes.
âbecause i thought letting her go was the right thing!â, seungmin snaps.Â
your entire body jolts. youâve never heard him raise his voice like that before, ever.Â
âi thought she hated me!â, he continues, his eyes watering a bit, âshe was hurting because of me and i thought staying away would hurt her lessâÂ
âyeah, well, look how well that worked outâ, chan says sarcastically, making seungmin even more angry.
âdonâtâ, he says, painting at chan, âdonât act like you know our relationship better than i doâ
âshe must have cried a lot because of you and you never tried to be there for her, to fix things back thenâ
âokay- okay-â, han says, trying to stop things from escalating, but itâs too late now, thereâs no way you can stop this.
âguysâ, minho says sharpy, but neither of them are listening anymore.
âand now?â, chan continues, his words bitter and full of anger, ânow you suddenly decide to fight for her because someone else showed up and did what you couldnât do because you were a coward?â
seungmin laughs bitterly, âyou know that she still loves me and yet you still kept pushing herâ
âyou knew she was lonely and you didnât give a fuck about her!â
the words hit like glass shattering and then both of them stand up, the sofĂĄs scraping violently against the floor. seungmin steps forward and chan steps forward too and suddenly more chairs and sofas are moving loudly.
minho grabs chan immediately and han gets between them, as changbin pulls seungmin back before he can get any closer.
âhey!â, yeong shuts.
âenough!â, lily says.
your heart is pounding so hard it physically hurts, and you feel like youâre going to faint when you stand up and the room spins around you.Â
âs- stop itâ, you say, your voice cracking with the tears you didnât realise were falling already.
but neither of them seem able to stop anymore, because this isnât just about tonight. itâs everything - the breakup, the jealousy, the fear, the exhaustion, the love. all of it finally exploding at once.Â
you move before you even realise it, pushing past until youâre standing right in front of seungmin.
âseungmin-â
you grab his face, your cold fingers against his burning skin, forcing him to look at you.
âstop, please- just stop-â
but heâs breathing too hard to hear you properly. his chest is rising violently, his eyes glassy with rage and hurt, his jaw trembling while chan keeps shouting.
âyou abandoned her when she needed you-â
âshut up!â, seungmin snaps back, his voice cracking so hard it barely sounds like him anymore, âyou donât know anything about usâ
âseungminâ, you keep saying desperately, your thumbs shaking against his cheeks, âplease, look at meâ
for one second, his eyes flicker towards yours. but itâs only that, just one second. then chan says something else, something cruel and furious, and seungmin tries to move again.
âenoughâ, changbin shouts, physically dragging him back before he can lunge forward again, ây/n, get him out of hereâÂ
the room is chaos now - voices overlapping, han trying to calm down, minho yelling at everyone to shut up and your ears are ringing too loudly to understand any of it.
âcome onâ, changbin tells you quickly, pushing seungmin towards you, âtake him outsideâ
you grab seungminâs hand in yours, âseungmin, please, come with meâ
at first he resists, you feel it in the tension of his arm, in the way his entire body shakes with adrenaline and anger. but then his fingers close around yours like heâs drowning and youâre the only thing keeping him above water.
so you pull him away, out of the noise and the lights, out of the suffocating heat of the bar.
behind you, chan is still shouting something, his voice rough with emotion, but by then your anxiety is so overwhelming that the words blur together into meaningless sound. you canât process anything anymore.
the cold night air hits you both the second the door swings shut behind you and then seungmin breaks and you watch it happen piece by piece. his breathing turns uneven first, then his knees nearly buckle, and then, heâs covering his face with one of his hands like he physically cannot hold himself together anymore.
a broken sound leaves him, half gasp and half sob, and it tears straight through your chest.
âhey- hey-â
you walk towards him and grab him immediately before he can fold into himself completely.
âseungmin, just look at me, please, look at meâ
heâs crying now, his body shaking, and heâs completely breathless and devastated. seeing him like this destroys you too and your own tears wonât stop falling now. panic claws up your throat as you cup both sides of his face again.Â
âseungminâ
your voice comes out trembling but he canât even answer you anyway. his eyes squeeze shut as another sob rips out of him and you feel his forehead fall weakly against yours when you pull him closer.
âpleaseâ, you whisper, desperate, your hands threading into his hair, âplease- please come back to meâ
his breathing stutters painfully.
âiâm hereâ, you keep begging softly, even while youâre crying too, âiâm here, okay? just stay with me, pleaseâ
but thereâs no use, heâs completely falling apart in your arms. months of heartbreak and guilt and jealousy and grief pouring out all at once like heâs been holding it inside for too long and now his body doesnât know how to contain it anymore.
and no matter how tightly you hold him, you canât stop it. you can only stand there with him under the dim lights, with your forehead pressed against his, while he breaks down completely in your arms.Â
âi⊠i- i canât do this anymoreâ, he says, his voice completely broken.
seungmin turns away from you, running both hands through his hair so harshly it looks painful, and for the first time since youâve known him, he looks completely lost.
the noise from inside the bar still spills faintly into the street, muffled music and distant voices and laughter that sound wrong now, completely wrong compared to the way heâs standing in front of you falling apart.
âseungmin-â
âi canât do this anymoreâ, he says again, louder this time, his voice cracking again halfway through the sentence.
his eyes are red, wet, his breathing completely uneven. youâve seen him emotional before, youâve seen him cry too, but never like this. never like someone whoâs drowning while trying to stay standing.
you step closer to him again and grab his wrists before he can pull further away.
âlook at meâ
he shakes his head.
âpleaseâ
ây/nâ, he laughs suddenly, but it sounds horrible, it sounds broken and breathless, âiâm trying so hard hereâ
your chest tightens painfully as he speaks.Â
âso hardâ
his voice trembles with every word.
âi came here for youâ, he says as his eyes lift to yours again and you almost with they hadnât because thereâs so much pain there it pulls you apart, âi stayed here because of youâ
you shake your head quickly, your tears burning your eyes again.
âi know-â
âno, listen to meâ, he says desperately, stepping closer now, âbecause i donât think you understand how bad this is getting for meâ
your breath catches but you let him continue.
âi wake up every day and i tell myself to calm down. i tell myself to trust you, to trust us. and then i see chan with youâ, his jaw tightens, âand you smile at himâ, you close your eyes for a second as he continues, âand then i try to be understanding because i know we broke up and i know i donât own you and i know i lost the right to ask anything from you when i let you go but-â
his voice shatters completely.
âbut then you look at me tooâ, your eyes fill instantly, âand when you look at me like thatâŠâ, he whispers, his tears falling down his face, âit feels like nothing has changedâ
the wind around you feels freezing suddenly and you can barely think. seungmin laughs again softly through his tears and then frees his hands from yours to wipe at his face angrily.
âand then you almost kissed me the other nightâ, your heartbeat stumbles as he keeps talking, âand i swear to god, y/n, i havenât stopped thinking about it since that nightâ
you stare at him through your tears, âyou remember that?â
he looks at you like the question hurts him, âof course i remember it. i replay it in my head constantlyâ
your breathing starts shaking, your tears falling harder and faster now.
âi keep thinking about what wouldâve happened if that door hadnât openedâ, his eyes drop to your lips before returning to your eyes again, âi keep thinking that maybe i shouldâve just kissed you anywayâ
the confession wrecks something inside you.
âbut i got scaredâ, he says quietly.
your brows pull together, âscared?â
he nods his head once.
âi thought that maybe you only did that because i was breaking downâ
your face falls immediately, âseungmin-â
âi thought you only did it because you felt guiltyâ
ânoâ
âi thought that maybe if i kissed you and you regretted it after, i would lose you completelyâ, his voice becomes even smaller, weaker somehow, âand i canât survive thatâ
the tears keep falling down your faces, completely uncontrollably. you move forward and grab his face with your hands again.
âlook at me, pleaseâ
this time he does, barely holding himself together.
ânothing that happened that night was because you were breaking downâ
his eyes search yours desperately.
âyou hear me?â, you ask him, needing to make him understand.
his breathing shakes as more tears fall.
âi almost kissed you because i wanted to kiss youâ
you see something crack open inside him at your words, raw and hopeful, but also terrified. you press your forehead against his again.
âso stop spiraling", you whisper through your tears, âstop spiraling and come back to me, pleaseâ
but he just shakes his head weakly and closes his eyes.
âi donât know howâ
your heart breaks, you did this, heâs like this because of you, thatâs the only thing you can think.
ây/n, i see you with chan and i feel like iâm losing my mindâ, he says, âand then you come to me and hold me like this and i donât know whatâs real anymoreâ
his hands finally reach for you then, shaking, settling on your waist carefully, afraid of making you disappear if he makes one wrong move.
âwe almost kissedâŠâ, he says, his voice so quiet now, âso tell me what iâm supposed to do after thatâ
you cry harder at that because you donât know how to fix this, how to fix him, how to fix someone you broke. everything hurts so fucking much, and it feels impossible.
âiâm tryingâŠâ, you whisper.
âi knowâ, he says, closing his eyes tightly, âi know you areâ
âthen donât leave meâ, your words come out desperate and you feel him tense under your hands, âdonât leave me, pleaseâ
his eyes open again slowly.
âyou said you were gonna fight for meâ, you whisper, âso fight for meâ
his face crumples, youâve never seen someone look so exhausted.
âhold onto meâ, you say through your tears, âfind me. stay with meâ
his breathing breaks completely then and he starts crying even harder now, the sound completely destroying you.
âiâm so tiredâ, he whispers brokenly.
you hold him tighter, âi knowâ
âi donât know how to do this anymoreâ
âyou donât have to do it aloneâ
âbut what if you choose him?â, he says and your eyes shut painfully at the doubts on his voice, âwhat if one day you look at me and realise iâm not enough anymore?
your throat closes completely but you fight to push the words through, âseungmin, you are enoughâ
âbut what if iâm not what makes you happiest?â
you pull back just enough to look at him, "why are you deciding that for me?â, he goes quiet and you wipe his tears with your trembling fingers, âyou have to stay with meâ
his eyes burn into yours as your voice shakes harder when you speak again.
âjust stay with me, and then we will figure this out. togetherâ
he stares at you for a long time after that and then finally, quietly, devastated beyond words, he whispers again.
âi need to goâ
your hands tighten around his face immediately, ânoâ
the word leaves you before you can stop it, raw and terrified.
âno, seungmin, please- d-donât say thatâ
his expression crumples harder at the sound of your voice. he looks exhausted beyond words now, like every emotion heâs been suppressing has finally hollowed him out from the inside. his eyes are swollen red, his tears still slipping down his cheeks.
âi need to goâ, he whispers again.
you shake your head quickly, panic rising so fast it makes you dizzy.
âno, no- we can fix this, okay? we can talk about this somewhere else, we can-â
âi canâtâ, he says, his voice breaking again, âi canât do this right nowâ
your fingers tremble against his skin. the street around you feels strangely empty, despite the laughter and the music that come from inside the bar. everything continues like normal while your entire world collapses in front of you.
âpleaseâ, you whisper weakly.
his eyes shut tightly, like he canât bear it anymore.
âplease, seungmin⊠please donât walk away from me like thisâ
the words destroy him and you see it happen instantly, you see the way his breathing falters again and the way his jaw clenches so hard it shakes. but then he opens his eyes and there's something awful in them now.Â
resignation.
like heâs already forcing himself to leave before he loses the strength to.
âi have toâ, he whispers.
âno-â
âi need spaceâ, his words come out trembling, âi need to breathe because right now i feel like iâm losing you and iâm losing my fucking mindâ
your tears fall harder immediately, âno, no seungmin, youâre not losing meâ
âbut it feels like i am, you just canât see itâ
his voice cracks again and he looks away from you then, his chest heaving unevenly as he moves his hands to drag both of them over his face again, pulling away from you.
âi canât keep standing in front of you while wanting things i donât know if iâm allowed to want anymoreâ
your heart twists so painfully it feels unbearable.
âbut you are allowed toâ, you say, âiâm telling you. you are allowed-â
âbut what if iâm wrong? what if youâre wrong?â, his eyes find yours again, devastated and broken, âwhat if i hold onto his and you wake up one day and realise you were supposed to choose him all along?â
âstopâ, you whisper, shaking your head and crying harder, âplease stop saying thatâ
âbut itâs trueâ
âno, itâs notâ
âyou donât know thatâ
âyou donât know either!â, you say.
the desperation in your voice echoes louder than you intended. for a second both of you just stand there crying in the middle of the street, completely unraveling under the glow of the streetlights. and suddenly he looks so tired, not angry anymore or jealous, just tired, like loving you has become something painful and beautiful but also impossible all at the same time.Â
you move closer to him, holding his face between your hands again, carefully and slowly, because youâre afraid that if you let go now, heâll disappear forever.
âstay with meâ, you whisper again.
the plea nearly cracks you open from the inside.
âplease, stayâ
seungmin lets out a shaky breath that sounds dangerously close to another sob. then slowly, so slowly it feels cruel, he reaches up and wraps his fingers gently around your wrists, but itâs not to hold you there, itâs to pull your hands away.Â
your breath catches then, âseungminâŠâ
he shakes his head weakly. his hands lingers around your wrists for one extra second, his thumbs brushing your skin like he canât bear to let go completely. then he finally lowers your hands away from his face and the absence of his warmth destroys you.
âi need to goâ, he says again, his voice barely audible now.
and before you can stop him this time, he takes a step back, and then another one, and your entire body panics.
âno-â
you move forward immediately but he shakes his head harder now, his tears falling uncontrollably again.
âdonâtâ, he whispers painfully, âplease, donât make this harderâ
your chest feels like itâs caving in, âseungmin-â
but heâs already turning away from you.
for one horrible second you just stand there frozen, staring at his back while the reality finally crashes into you - heâs leaving.
the boy who promised to fight for you.
the boy you still love so much it physically hurts.
the boy who looks at you like you are still his entire world.
the boy that is in love with you.
the boy you are in love with.
heâs leaving anyway.
your knees almost give out, âseungmin!â
your voice breaks apart completely when you call after him and then he stops walking, but he doesnât turn around.Â
then, finally, he does and the sight of your face absolutely destroys him, you can see it on his face. because his expression falls apart the second he sees you standing there crying openly under the streetlights, your arms wrapped around yourself like youâre trying to hold your own heart together.Â
a broken sound escapes him and then heâs walking back towards you again, fast, like he canât physically keep leaving after all.
your breath shakes when he reaches you and before you can even speak, his hands are on your face, careful and desperate, firm despite how bad heâs shaking. you let out a sob at the feeling of him touching you again.
he looks wrecked, absolutely wrecked, with tears sliding endlessly down his face while he tries to memorise every inch of yours at the same time.
then he leans down and presses a kiss against your forehead, soft and devastating. a sob tears out of your chest as your hands clutch weakly at his wrists, trying to keep him close even while he trembles against you.
he stays there for a second longer than he should, his lips pressed to your skin, like heâs trying to burn this moment into himself forever. then he pulls back just enough to rest his forehead against yours, both of you crying so hard that neither of you can breathe properly anymore.
âiâm sorryâ, he whispers, the words shattering inside you, âiâm so sorryâ
you shake your head, crying harder, but he just closes his eyes. for one impossible moment, it feels like he wants to stay, like he might stay. you feel it in the way his hands tighten against your face and how his forehead remains pressed against yours, like every part of him is screaming not to leave you.
but then, he takes another shaky breath, another broken look at you, and then slowly and painfully, he pulls away from you again. and this time, when he steps away, he doesnât turn back.
you watch him leave through your blurred vision, your tears pouring endlessly down your cheeks while your body screams at you to run after him. but you canât move, you can only stand there watching him disappear further down the empty street. and then-
thunder cracks across the sky, low and heavy, violent enough to make you flinch.
you look up and see that dark clouds have swallowed the sky completely now, the wind much colder than before, sharp against your wet skin.
another rumble follows seconds later, deeper this time, closer, like the storm has finally arrived.Â
you stand there alone while the first drops of rain begin to fall around you and then, you realise the sky sounds exactly like your heart does right now, splitting open.
a/n: absolutely devastating and i know you're gonna come for me and i just can't believe we only have ONE CHAPTER LEFT đ
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đœwang đœyunjin x đ°đ».áreader driving wc: 1.7k ËËË ê°18+ê± mdni « sex on the driver's seat » riding overstim âžâžâž "good girl"
the city lights were just a blurry mess of blue, red and yellow through the rain on the window, bleeding into the dark night.
when your boyfriend had pulled up in front of your house at 1 am, tapping his rings against the steering wheel with that lazy grin of his, you had seriously thought it was just a late night drive.
but twenty minutes in, and here you were.
sat in the passenger seat with your heartbeat climbing up as the vehicle raced forward, the driver stealing all your attention.
hyunjin stopped looking at the road altogether, his dark eyes cutting sideways to catch the frantic way your breath hitched whenever he hit the gas a little harder.
every time he shifted gears, his knuckles brushed your bare knee, a slight graze that left you shuddering, while his left hand held the wheel totally relaxed. he kept track of every shiver that ran down your body until the tension in the car was so thick you could barely breathe.
holy fuck, his hands â
"hyun," you murmured, your voice thicker than usual as you tried to focus on anything but his fingers. "w-we're gonna get a ticket if you keep staring at me instead of the road."
he let out a low chuckle as he pulled the car abruptly off the highway and down a dark, secluded overlooked trail. the engine suddenly cut out, leaving just the headlights casting a misty glow through the wet windshield.
"road's empty, sweetheart," hyunjin said, the sharp click of his seatbelt unbuckling cutting through the quiet. "and i'm tired of driving."
jesus christ
he looked so hot under these dim dashboard lights itâs actually unfair.
hyunjin slid his seat back, creating a space on the driver's side that seemed a little too inviting. moreover, he ushered you towards him, patting his thighs with a slow look that made your stomach flip.
your heart did a frantic jump. "oh ? i-i thought you wanted a long ride ?"
"i do," he purred, his voice dropping an octave as he reached across to unbuckle yours next â and before you could even protest, his long fingers wrapped firmly around your waist, tugging you gently over into his space.
"but i think it's your turn to take the wheel."
oh
oh â
di-did he want you to â
straddling the center console was clumsy, but he made sure it didn't matter as his hands guided your hips down until you were draped right over his lap. your knees bracketed his waist against the heavy leather while the steering wheel pressed firmly into your lower back, locking you completely in place.
"hyun â"
he cut you off with a kiss that tasted like mint and raw hunger. as his tongue tangled with yours, deep and heavy, his large hands slid right under your top, his palms searing hot against your bare skin while you whimpered into his mouth, shifting your hips instinctively against the hard bulge pressing through his denim.
hyunjin groaned against your lips, his grip tightening on your waist until his fingers dug into your skin. "yeah, just like that â fuck â come here."
clothes became an afterthought, pushed aside just enough to fix the ache that had been building ever since he picked you up â and when he finally guided you down onto his cock, the sheer fullness of him filled you so completely that your eyes fluttered shut, your head dropping back.
"look at me baby," hyunjin commanded softly, his thumbs sweeping over your cheekbones as he held your face still.
you opened your eyes to find him watching you with an intensity that burns â his jaw clenched, a faint flush creeping up his throat as you began to move, setting a slow, agonizingly perfect pace while the leather squeaked softly beneath him, creating a rhythmic counterpoint to your heavy breathing and the steady patter of rain on the roof.
hyunjin looked ethereal â hair slightly disheveled, lips parted, his chest rising and falling sharply â and every time you sank completely onto him. his hands gripped your hips, guiding your rhythm while lifting you just to bring you back down on his cock with a deeper, harder thrust â filling you upto the hilt â making you whine as your warm walls fluttered around his length.
"oh fuck, fuck baby," hyunjin groaned, his voice completely wrecked as he buried his face in your neck, his chest heaving against yours. "you're so tight, itâs driving me fucking crazy. please â"
"ugh, 's so deep," you gasped out, your fingers digging into his shoulders as he drove upward, meeting every single one of your movements with an unyielding pressure. "shit, hyun â mmmh â fuck baby..."
"you're so good to me, baby" he choked out, his fingers bruising your thighs as the friction pushed both of you right over the edge â and the heat inside the car was stifling now, the windows fogging up completely and isolating you in your own private world.
the pace broke into something frantic and desperate as hyunjin's hips began to meet yours halfway, driving up into you with a raw power that had you crying out his name, your fingers tangling tight in his soft hair.
"oh god â my sweetheart â you feel so fucking good, gripping me so well... fuck baby â"
you triggered the avalanche â and he followed a second later with a low, ragged shout, his body shuddering violently beneath yours as he held you impossibly close, burying his face in your shoulder while the final waves rippled through you both.
for a long time, the only sound was the hum of the heater and the heavy, synchronized thumping of your chests.
hyunjin slowly pressed a row of soft, lingering kisses along your jawline, his arms still wrapped securely around your waist to keep you anchored right where you belonged â and a lazy, thoroughly satisfied smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.
the heater hummed a low, steady note, doing absolutely nothing to cool down the thick, heavy heat trapped inside the foggy glass. you were completely paralyzed against him, every muscle in your legs trembling from the aftershocks, your forehead resting heavily against his shoulder as you tried to remember how to draw a normal breath.
hyunjin wasnât letting you go anytime soon. his hands, still impossibly hot, remained locked around your waist, his long fingers pressing deep into your skin as if ensuring you wouldn't move an inch away from him.
"you're completely burning up, sweetheart," he murmured, his voice a low, gravelly vibration against your collarbone.
he tilted his head back against the headrest, looking up at you through a curtain of disheveled hair. the lazy smirk was still playing on his lips, but his dark eyes were heavy, entirely consumed by you. slowly, his thumb traced a line up your ribs, making your stomach instinctively ripple and a soft gasp leave your throat.
"still so sensitive," he teased softly, the smugness in his tone making you want to bite him.
"shut up," you breathed out, shifting slightly on his lap. "my legs feel like jelly."
the small movement caused a sudden, sharp hitch in hyunjin's breath. his smirk vanished in an instant, replaced by a low, warning growl that rumbled deep in his chest. his grip on your hips tightened until it was borderline bruising, locking you dead in place before you could pull away.
"did i say you could move ?" he whispered, his jaw clenching as he looked up at you, his pupils completely blown out.
the heat between you hadn't died down â if anything, the friction of that slight shift had sparked it right back to life. you could feel his cock swelling inside you again, stretching you open, filling the ache you thought had just been satisfied. your eyes widened slightly, your fingers digging right back into the leather of his jacket.
"hyun â"
"i told you," he purred, his fingers sliding down to cup the back of your thighs, lifting you just a fraction of an inch before pulling you back down, sliding deeper than before. "i'm tired of driving. and we're nowhere near done."
a ragged whimper caught in your throat as he began to move again, his hips tilting up in a slow, agonizingly deliberate rhythm that had you clutching his shoulders for dear life. the leather squeaked beneath him once more, a steady, sinful tempo in the quiet night, drowned out only by the heavy downpour rattling against the roof and the sound of your ruined, breathless gasps.
"p-please," you gasped, your head dropping back against his shoulder as he hit that perfect spot over and over. "hyunjin, t's t-too much."
"look at me," he commanded again, his voice dropping an octave, thicker than before. when you forced your eyes open, he was staring up at you with a raw hunger that made your core tighten around him. "tell me it's too much when you're squeezing me like this. tell me you want me to stop."
"i-i don't," you confessed, a tear of sheer pleasure slipping down your cheek. "d-don't stop... fuck hyun p..please"
"good girl," he choked out, "good fucking girl", his pace breaking from slow torture into something fierce and demanding. his hands guided your hips faster, meeting you with hard, unyielding thrusts that had you crying out into the foggy car, the rain outside completely erasing the rest of the world.
the frantic pace finally shattered you both. hyunjin's hips drove up one last time, deep and unyielding, meeting your descent with a raw power that triggered another intense wave of pleasure throughout your whole body.
you cried out his name, your fingers digging hard into his shoulders as you completely lost control.
the sudden, tight squeeze was enough to push him over the absolute edge one more time. hyunjin let out a low, ragged shout against your neck, his body seizing violently beneath yours as he came inside you, holding you so impossibly close it felt like he wanted to pull you right through his skin.
neither of you moved, just sinking into each other as the heavy, synchronized thumping of your chests slowly slowed down against the steady, quiet rhythm of the rain.
"best ride of my life," he whispered against your skin.
smartass.
kysa's note: had another driver fic lined up after driver.áminho (read here) and we had max votes for hyun so here we are. not getting a lot of time to churn entire fics so hope you all make do with these drabbles (,,>ăź<,,)! let me know your thoughts in the comments â xoxo.