@fixated_f

If i caught fire this very instant, i woudnt have the energy to even attempt to put it out.

I know everything will be ok eventually but its going to take time energy effort and a strong will but i am tired. I really cant.

8 years ago when i started self harming it was different. I was still highly motivated highly functioning. Id put on a high energy facade and kept myself busy with goals and aims and alone i would punish myself for not attaining them. I would starve. Cut. Drink. Run. Self medicate. Cross at red lights without looking. Drive fast in storms. Anything that could induce some sort of feeling, a reminder to keep going. But now i dont even have the energy to lift a blade. I just want to lay here and sleep. There's no point in anything.

I feel like ive lost my drive motivation passion. Slowly from the things i would force myself to do that took huge amounts of effort to the things that i used to love doing. Nothing makes me happy anymore and nothing is enjoyable. I feel like a waste of space time money. There is nothing i want. Whats the point of life if you feel numb.