If I Could Fly

She listened to his words, the vibrating in his chest under her ear. She hated the pain in his voice, but more than that she hated that there were things he was hiding from her. It wasn’t that she was worried about the things he was hiding, it was that she hated there was something he thought he couldn’t tell her. “You don’t use your powers for a reason, and there isn’t anything wrong with that. You don’t know that fighting would have done anything. You don’t know that it would have mattered. More than that, there isn’t a goddamn thing that you could tell me that would change how I feel about you. You’re the father of my children, you’re the first person I’ve ever fallen in love with. I don’t care what it is, I don’t. I love you, and I’m here for you, and I don’t give a damn about anything else.”

“I don’t use my powers because I’m weak,” he replied, his tone changing quickly as he sat up, careful to not hurt or move her too quickly in the process. “I’m too weak to understand how to control it. Fighting would have done something. Nathan fought for me and he lost his life because of it.. how is that fair? How is any of this fair?” he asked. He kept his gaze away from her as she spoke. He didn’t deserve her love. “You deserve better..” he mumbled, his voice low as he ran a hand through his hair. “Those babies deserve better.. and I’m not just saying that. You know it’s true.”

“Both.” Her voice was quiet as she rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand, shifting so that her face was pressed against his neck, her legs tangled with his. “There wasn’t even anything that I could do, there wouldn’t have been anything you could do. You got there in time, that’s all that matters.” She wrapped the fingers of her free hand in his shirt, distracting herself with the feeling of the fabric. “I don’t know what happened with Nathan, but I know it wasn’t your fault.” 

Holding her tightly as she shuffled closer to him, her limbs tangling with his, he closed his eyes tightly. “It was my fault, Cat..” he murmured. “You don’t understand.. you weren’t there.. if I had fought with him.. if I hadn’t been scared to use my ability we both could have gotten away.” he trailed off, shaking his head and taking a deep breath. “There’s so much I’m hiding from you.. and I know you said I don’t have to.. I know we’re in all of this together, but I can’t let you see this side of me.. I can’t..”

She could feel the anxiety coming off of him in waves, and being too tired to use her powers, she shifted to pull one of his hands off of the steering wheel, tangling their fingers together in her lap. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to stop his worrying, that there was little about it that even he could control, but she would do her best to keep him calm, as much as she could. She smiled as he helped her out of the car, and she stayed silent until she was halfway up the stairs, and she glanced back at him. “Okay.” She furrowed her eyebrows slightly, making it the rest of the way to her room, changing out of her costume and into leggings and a sweatshirt when she winced, pressing a hand to her chest as she picked up on his thoughts. She could hear Duke growling as he watched her, and she absentmindedly reached out to him, setting her hand on his side. “I’m okay, kiddo, it’s all good.” It wasn’t, that much was easy to understand, and as she climbed into bed, setting herself against the headboard, she let the warmth of Duke’s body distract her from everything that had happened. She grabbed the remote from the bedside table, flicking the tv on and letting the background noise drown out the loudest of her thoughts, letting other people’s petty drama provide her with some form of entertainment. She already felt better, with his head in her lap, and his body pressed against her leg, and when Josh came back into the room, she tried for a smile. “Thank you.” She shifted slightly, making room for him next to her, snorting lightly at the groaning noises her dog made as she jostled him. He was never satisfied unless he was directly next to her, and she was lucky to have found such an incredible dog. She waited until he had sat down next to her to shift again, her head on his shoulder, her arm resting on his leg. “It wasn’t your fault.” She said the words again because she’d felt the surge of guilt, and she knew that all of it wasn’t directed at her, or what had happened that night, but she knew better than to push the subject of Nathan. 

Josh smiled a weak smile at the grumble Duke made as Cat shoved over slightly to make room for him, and he kicked his shoes off before climbing into bed, his fingers linking with hers as he rested his head on top of hers. He stared at the TV for a moment, but as she spoke, a lump formed in his throat. “Tonight... or what happened with Nath?” he asked, his voice cracking slightly. 

“He’s a big baby.” She wanted nothing more than to curl up with her dog, and aimlessly watch tv, and and make a conscious effort to put the night’s events behind her. She stayed quiet on the way to the car, her head tiredly leaned on his shoulder, wondering if it was possible to be tired enough to fall asleep standing up. She clambered into the passenger seat when they got to the car, buckling herself in, pulling her legs up onto the seat next to her. The ride was short, but she was exhausted, and it took a lot of effort to climb out of the car and move towards the house, opening the door as Duke came sprinting towards her. “Duke, buddy, did you miss me?” She asked, crouching down to scratch behind his ears, pressing kisses to his head. “Come on, bed time.” He took off up the stairs as she trailed after. 

“He is, but it means he’ll be great with the kids,” he smiled softly, keeping an arm around her and glancing around slightly as they walked to the car. He stood there as she clicked herself in the car before gently closing the door and walking around to the drivers side. He stayed quiet throughout the whole ride home, glancing over at her every minute or so. Her exhaustion worried him which was evident due to the fact that he was chewing his lip and gripping onto the wheel of his jeep tightly. When they got to her house, he jumped out of the car, making his way around to her side and offering a hand to help her out. As she walked towards the house he stayed close behind her. He couldn’t help but smile as the excitable dog greeted her, and as she started up the stairs he paused, watching the girl he loved and her dog getting higher as they neared the second level. As much as he wanted to follow them, something stopped him, and he swallowed thickly as a lump formed in his throat. “I’ll be up in a sec,” he called quietly, turning and making his way to the kitchen. Once there he grabbed two glasses, taking them to the sink to fill them with water, but instead of turning the tap on he put them down just next to the sink, his hands gripping the metal edge tightly as he leaned against it and lowered his head. Quick flashes of the night he lost Nathan plagued his mind, as well at the guilt he had felt - guilt that had resurfaced when he thought he could have lost Cat. Taking a deep but shaky breath, his eyes burned with tears, but as always he held it in. It took a few long moments for him to recollect himself, but once he did he filled the glasses and made his way upstairs, knocking softly on Cat’s door before pushing it open slowly. “I uh- got you some water.” 

“Mine? I’ll feel better with Duke around. Plus, if we leave him alone for too long he’ll eat my pillow. You know he gets weird about that.” She was trying for some kind of humor, though she had a feeling the dog would be on edge for days. She wasn’t sure where he had been before the shelter, but he was the most perceptive animal she’d ever seen. He hated when strangers came up to her, and he always slept with his head on her leg, as close to her stomach as he could get. 

She felt herself slowly coming down, her heart-rate slowing as the adrenaline started fading out of her system. She knew that she’d be exhausted in a few minutes, that she’d crash, that she’d want nothing more than to curl up in bed and never leave, but she could admit that she felt at home with his arms wrapped around her. “Don’t. Don’t do that, it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyones. Thinking like that will just make things harder. Okay? Promise you won’t think that.” She kept one of her arms wrapped around his waist, turning to face in the direction of her apartment, glancing up at him. “Home?”

“Okay, we can go to yours,” he said softly, kissing her forehead gently and chuckling lightly as she spoke about Duke. “It took so long to find you a body pillow, if he eats it I might cry,” he joked lightly, his eyes still holding no humour. He could tell that she was getting very tired very quickly, which worried him a lot. He didn’t want to argue with her about the fact that he was blaming himself, but he couldn’t promise her that he wouldn’t blame himself, so instead he just nodded once. “Yeah let’s go home,” he murmured, keeping an arm around her and walking towards where his car was parked. 

She couldn’t process anything, not completely, not with the chaos around them, and she was exhausted, worn out from the emotional roller coaster that she’d gone through. She’d been terrified, more scared than she had been in a very long time, and she hadn’t been able to do anything about it. She’d thought that she was going to die, that she wasn’t going to make it, that her kids weren’t going to make it, and the thought of never seeing Josh again had been enough to break her heart. It didn’t matter that they hadn’t been together that long, or that they were still trying to find their way; he was the love of her life, and she didn’t want to ever spend a day anywhere other than right next to him.

“I want to go home.” Her voice was quiet, muffled even more by his shirt as she clung onto him, listening to his heart beat in his chest. “I don’t want to go to the hospital, I just want to go home.” She knew that she was okay, that the twins were okay, one of the good things about her powers. “I’ll go tomorrow, if that makes you feel better, but I can’t do it tonight.” She didn’t want to go because it would solidify what had happened, it would make it more real than it already was, and it wasn’t something that she wanted to dwell on. It could’ve been her that died, it could’ve been Josh and Ade who were mourning instead of Imogen and Kitty. She pulled back slightly, moving her hands to either side of Josh’s neck, resting her forehead against his. “I love you.” She had to say it, there, where it all could’ve ended because she almost hadn’t gotten the chance to, and if anything it had proven that their lives were too short, and she would never waste a chance to say it again.

As soon as she said she wanted to go home, Josh frowned slightly. His immediate thought was that she had just been through a massive trauma and who knows what could have happened to her between the time he lost her and when he had found her, but he also knew with her abilities she would know if something was wrong and there wasn’t a chance in hell she would stay away from the hospital if their children were in any danger.  “Okay..” he said softly, kissing the side of her head. “Your place or mine..?” he asked gently. As she rested her forehead against his, he pulled her closer, his eyes locked onto hers, his heart beating rapidly at those three little words. “I love you too..” he replied, giving her a gentle squeeze. “I’m so sorry this happened- I should have protected you..” 

@joshyy-baker

She blinked against the lights of the police cars, the bright reds and blues leaving streaks across her vision as she looked at the rubble around them. She could feel herself shaking, and she could hear Imogen and Kitty, and there was an officer in front of her, smaller than even she was, but she radiated power, and respect, and she felt slightly better that she was there. She nodded her head at whatever she officer said to her, and the officer rubbed her shoulder for a second and she was almost surprised at how gentle she was. 

She wiped at her face as she looked around again, trying her best to drown out the sounds of everything around her. It was her fault that Lily had been near the church, that Lily was now dead, and if she had just paid more attention she wouldn’t have been taken, and no one would have died. She flinched when she felt someone touch her arm, but as she turned she realized that it was only Josh. She could barely hear what he was saying as she leaned forward, resting her head on his chest, twisting her fingers into the front of his shirt. “Josh…”

Josh’s hands hadn’t stopped shaking from the minute Cat had gone missing in the harbour. He should have listened to her when she said she felt like someone was following her.. he should have kept a closer eye out, but instead he had brushed it off and because of that he had almost lost her and their twins. While a paramedic checked him over to make sure he wasn’t hurt after the barrier spell threw him back, his mind ran over the events of the night, from that initial moment where he couldn’t see her anywhere, to when they were doing the locator spell, to when he first saw her in the church.. All he wanted to do was be near her, but no matter how many times he told the man he was fine, he didn’t let him go until all the checks were done.  Walking over to where Cat was, he put a hand on her arm, pulling back quickly as she flinched. “It’s just me..” he said softly, wrapping his arms around her as she leaned into his chest. “You’re okay.. you’re going to be okay... I’m so sorry I let this happen to you..” he murmured softly, burying his face in her hair.