Josh's Breadcrumbs

150 years ago today, Lincoln gave his legendary Gettysburg Address. I still owe thanks to my 3rd grade teacher, Mr. Sparks, who required us to memorize this monumental speech. Our class discussed the implications and the impact this short speech had on our nation during a most turbulent, formative moment in American history.

Lincoln ascribes meaningfulness and purposefulness to the lives lost in pursuit of equality and freedom, then charges his listeners to “highly resolve that the dead shall not have died in vain. That the nation shall, under God, have a new birth of freedom, and that the government of the people, by the people and for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

My feeble comments couldn’t begin to do this masterful rhetoric justice. His charge is empowering and inspiring.

When I think of the Civil War period of our nation, I think of this speech as symbolic of its time. I wonder what speech(es) people will identify as indicative/symbolic of our current era–our Zeitgeist.

The first thing that comes to mind is the WWDC 2007 keynote speech. I remember watching Steve Jobs as a 16 year old via live Quicktime stream on the family Mac Mini. After I converted to Apple and began following their products, I prided myself in my predictions of products Apple would eventually come out with. I had always thought that Apple should come out with a phone and on June 29th, 2007, they did. I remember even at 16 realizing that this was bigger than I could imagine–the implications of the speech I was watching would have global repercussions. Forever.

Today, it’s hard to imagine life pre-iPhone. I know I sound like a grumpy old man and you have to understand that I’ve been an iPhone user since the original, I was a part of the original jailbreak community (as a user, not developer!), I’m a dilettante iOS app developer, and I’m writing this blog post on a MacBook. I’m not “anti-Apple”.

I’m simply positing the significance of this keynote. Jobs’s delivery was brilliant (watch).

He set up an introduction for three things:

Widescreen iPod with touch controls

Revolutionary mobile phone

Breakthrough Internet Communications Device

He cycled through them until it became clear that these three things were all in the same device.

All in one. Jobs even threw in some humor, showing a picture of an old iPod with a rotary dial. It’s amazing watching this again now and looking at the smart phones that have become archaic and laughable by today’s standards (only 6 years ago).

Pragmatism. Convenience. Entertainment.

I was oozing with joy when I considered how wonderful this device would make my life–sincerely elated. I wouldn’t have guessed that it would have been a key factor in the zombie apocalypse. What do I mean?

Watch this video.

Sobering.

I heard a man who was standing in line at a ticket booth yell to get the attention of his kids who were rather far, but were still in earshot. I was jarred–I couldn’t remember the last time I heard anybody yell that loud to get somebody’s attention. I would just have called or texted.

I sat behind a family on the Pirates of the Caribbean in Disneyland once–mom, dad, and a little girl who seemed to have been enjoying her first time on the ride. The little girl was excited and pointing at things and taking in the amazing world around her. Her mother was on Facebook.

I’m guilty of it too. My phone is a burden. I try to intentionally get time away from it, but I feel like I’m always putting a strain on my friendships when I ignore texts/calls/messages/emails/snapchats/tweets/instapics/vines/stupidthings. I despise texting–I’ve become known for my poor communication. It’s not uncommon for me to wait until I have 35+ texts before I sit down and bracket out time to answer people back. I simply can’t shift gears so quickly from whatever I’m doing to a conversation with different people immediately! I don’t get anything done like that! Yet this is a problem because I feel the burden of expectation as these texts linger and I frequently feel guilt and frustration–it becomes another series of tasks on my to-do list. Most of the time it’s people I like and want to talk to, too. Just not when I’m supposed to be eating lunch with somebody or reading a book for class or whatever.

This conversation came up toward the beginning of our time in IRIS this semester–very shrewd of the IRIS Team to address this early on. Dr. Thoennes explained how deficient our generation is of attentiveness and how crucial attentiveness is in the learning process. It seems like a no-brainer. But really, when you’re online during class, you are a “no-brainer”. Did that work just then? I was trying to insinuate that you are brainless during class if you’re not mentally present in whatever the subject matter is but instead on the internet somewhere… Did the quotation marks give it away?

Attentiveness is a rare commodity these days. It’s disheartening to be in a conversation with somebody and then see them whip out their phone. It shouts, “Whatever you have to say, this is more important right now–so keep talking, but… uh-huh….yeah…sorry, what did you say?”

I’m preaching to myself. The iPhone is a wonderful gift and a powerful tool. I can use it to build up others and to do great things or I can get lazy with it and just serve myself. I can let it devour the quiet spaces where I might normally–heaven forbid–have to just think about things. Or I can use it well. That’s a hard thing to figure out how to do. What does thoughtful use of technology look like? This ties in nicely with the book we just read for IRIS, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress.

Spoiler alert.

I’m certain that my fellow #BiolaIRIS students have prudently completed their Handmaid’s Tale drafts in order to freely enjoy Halloween festivities (which may include dressing as a Handmaid). Whether my certainty qualifies as a properly justified true belief may be up for debate. In any event, I trust I can share some thoughts that have arisen amidst my writing process without fear of plagiarism. Plagiarism is the least of my fears; it’s fear itself I fear the most (plagiarized from FDR). I chose the prompt concerning control. I’m arguing that fear is a device used by the society of The Handmaid’s Tale as a means of control. My choice to make this argument was reinforced after watching Atwood in a recent interview.

Two fascinating insights from Atwood:

1. Fear should be feared: “One of the lessons of history always is: ‘Scare people enough, and they will give up civil liberties.’”

This is emphasized in Offred’s words on page 286:

I don’t want to be a doll hung up on the Wall, I don’t want to be a wingless angel. I want to keep on living, in any form. I resign my body freely, to the uses of others. They can do what they like with me. I am abject. I feel, for the first time, their true power.

2. This idea of fear as a means of control isn’t too foreign for us. Terrorism was a reality of our childhood and we’re afraid. We’re willing to take off our shoes and belts--our privacy is gladly forfeited in the pursuit of national security. Atwood explains: “[9/11] made it possible to introduce a lot more surveillance and a lot more control than people in America would have tolerated before that time.”

Fear is powerful and it can make people do crazy things. I think of the Cold War and the fear of the Bomb. Perhaps you’ve heard of Project A-119. Last year, a friend of mine shared an article with me about the recently declassified government project that was a plan to nuke the moon. 

Why? Well, primarily to improve American morale. You have to understand the context:

Traditionally, the brains/headquarters of military command have been in the center of a landmass--this is because attacks/invasions historically have come from the coasts, and it’s strategic to put the head of the military where it would take longest to get to. This all changed when Russia launched Sputnik in 1957. The first man-made satellite in orbit was a major source of fear for America--it meant that Russia had the potential to drop a nuclear bomb from space onto the middle of military headquarters (side note: it was this realization that prompted the need for a decentralized network of communication where a network would still operate even if one site was down; this need spawned ARPANET, which was a forerunner to the internet! No Sputnik = no memes).

The U.S. Air Force tried to match Russia by sending their own satellite into space but failed miserably, twice. America needed to act fast. We didn’t have the technology to launch a satellite, but we could nuke the moon. Project A-119 was carefully designed to be as visually spectacular as possible--it'd make a huge plume of dust on the surface of the moon where the sun would backlight it for the whole earth to see. That way, everyone would know ‘murica’s number one. This project was on track to launch even though there was a considerable chance of the bomb missing the moon and crashing back down to earth.

Thankfully, the plan was scrapped. We ended up completing the space race with a much more graceful moon landing in ’69. Quite a story. I think I heard somewhere that there’s a film about Project A-119 coming out soon or something...

What a gift to be free from fear. No matter what may come, our trust is not in our own control, but in the One who is ultimately in control--the One who bids us, “Do not be afraid,” again and again. What can the prospect of death do to the child who’s mortal life is but a blip in comparison to the life to come? We’re not alone. As the Psalmist writes:

“The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” 

Ps. 118:6

I’ll end quoting the words of one of my favorite songs:

What a fellowship, what a joy divine, Leaning on the everlasting arms; What a blessedness, what a peace is mine, Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms; Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

O how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way, Leaning on the everlasting arms; O how bright the path grows from day to day, Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms; Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear, Leaning on the everlasting arms; I have blessed peace with my Lord so near, Leaning on the everlasting arms.

I don't understand how people are able to just jump into the creation of a blog--I admire that ability, but for the longest time I haven't been able to do it. It's the daunting "first post"… It seems that the first blog post should be indicative of what the nature of the blog will be. Akin to an introductory paragraph in a research paper, a first blog post should make an assertion or prove that the following content has something to say and is worth reading. This is easier done when writing a paper, because you can tailor your introduction according to the body of a paper, but for a blog, you can't change what a reader may have already read (technically, yes, you can change the content, but you can't undo their reading of the original content). 

I've approached this place a few times… I create a username, grab a domain, then get to the first post--my daunting barrier… Damn that blinking cursor--impatiently tapping its foot in its sneering way. I know that I have things to say--I even have the audacity, at times, to think them meaningful. But what does meaningful mean? How can I qualify that statement when I'm not even sure what Blog post #2 will contain? How do I begin to introduce myself? How tedious the art of introduction! How dare I attempt to introduce something that I do not know exhaustively? I suppose, since we're putting our philosopher glasses on, I can't know anything exhaustively. For instance, I could tell you that the laptop I'm currently using is roughly 3.5 years old and has been used for a series of projects and assignments--I could tell you how I nearly lost it for good at a favorite Mexican establishment, but was reunited with it when a worker saw my cellphone number on a piece of paper I had in the space between my translucent plastic case and my laptop screen (a precaution that brought me months of mockery previously) but I couldn't begin to tell you the details behind every part and function of my laptop. I couldn't tell you with any detail about the decisions that were made to make Objective C what it is today, nor could I tell you story behind the choices for the fan speed--or any of the parts. Though it suffices, if I were to sell my computer online for instance, to give a limited description of its features and functionality. I would mention the scratch near the trackpad, but I would certainly not begin to tell the story of how I sat next to Philip Narveson on his bed in the men's ten room at Bodenseehof after a adventurous travel weekend in Alicante and while we were laughing quite hard at some of the memories we'd made, a rock on the shelf fell on my laptop. Why I had my laptop there in the first place, I can't remember--perhaps we were hoping to play StarCraft. I could tell you that the RAM had been upgraded, but I wouldn't begin to tell you of the grueling frustration that was my laptop in early Nuke The Moon (an upcoming short film) postproduction--I wouldn't tell you about how Lindsey Eastburg and I scarcely slept as we cut down our hours of footage into what will be our first film together and how it took hours to do what should have been basic functions, but NO--I had to insist on doing everything natively in 4K. I digress… Fascinating that we say "I digress" instead of "I've digressed". Seems to me more a confession of an ongoing problem than an acknowledgement of a crime committed. 

The thought of even having a blog seems a bit brash to me… With the torrential influx of available information in the past twenty years, what difference would my droplet make in the midst of an ocean? What would a blog with the thoughts of Josh Nelson give to a world-wide web brimming with revolutionary insights, transforming commentaries, and powerful stories? Why exert the energy? 

Then I think about how analogous this is to my existence. The 7 billion + lives in this world eating, thinking, sleeping, dreaming, hoping, crying, laughing, dying. Also, you'd be amazed how many "Josh Nelson's" there are in the world. We could inhabit a small town in Nebraska. 

So is the existential crisis that arises in the writing of a first blog post. 

I've a professor who claims that American's are pragmatists at heart. Efficiency, stability, and immediacy. He didn't say those last three words--those are closer to the words of Mustapha Mond. Anyway, I feel the burden of naming the function or "point" of this blog. 

I'm curious what the "point" is of other blogs. Is it for the "common good"? Is it a form of therapy--for the author or the reader? Is it a way to gain a sense of significance or control by having your thoughts and ideas publicized to the potential masses? Does it mask insecurity? Does it celebrate beauty? Does it wrestle with the difficult realities of this world? Does it point to something greater than itself? 

What's my point? How dare I be so presumptuous as to open this blog? Breadcrumbs. I'm not sure how your life experience is for you, but in recent memory, life seems to move faster than I can process it. I believe that I get these moments where I get a glimpse of something meaningful, and then too quickly march onward to the next thing that commands my attention. I briefly revisit substantive thoughts and ideas through meager conversations, but those conversations aren't properly preserved for expansion, nor are they in a place where they can be shared. I catch myself returning to recurring themes and relearning important lessons because I am so prone to forget. I hope to create a space where I can leave a trail of breadcrumbs so that I can trace back to different relics in my journey that bore life with an invitation for others to join me.

These vague, ethereal experiences or "relics" that I'm referring to are conversation points that have been significant in my relationships. That I could invite even one person to join me in conversation and that he/she would benefit at all, this blog would have fulfilled its purpose. Likewise, if I were to come back to it to be reminded of something important, it would also be purposeful--but this is secondary, because this is something that can already be accomplished in a journal--something that must never be made public! I don't endorse that kind of blogging and hope to never be guilty of it.

A journal should be a place where an individual can be honest about every and any thought that nags at him--it is a deeply intimate and personal practice. It would be exceedingly inappropriate to display private parts of your consciousness to the whole world. I'll be open and honest on this blog, and I'll even open up to a measure of vulnerability, but don't anticipate "full disclosure". 

You'll notice I'm making some big assertions without backing them up with sufficient evidence--for example, I stated that it'd be "exceedingly inappropriate to display private parts of your consciousness to the whole world," yet I didn't prove that. I didn't definite what "inappropriate" means. I also don't intend to. This blog is not a collection of scholastic treatises.