A WORLD BEYOND OUR BONES

yeah guys sorry if you found my blog through peterick im actually just sad and kinda really into bmth. this was all a trap

i miss bmth :( i miss them sooo bad

oughh thinking about when oli asked what songs people wanna hear and someone said medicine and he asked if they were alright :( he also called it shit but . OUGHHHHH he gets itHE GETS ITTT (he literally wrote it about his ex wife cheating. of course he gets the song.) also i hate people getting mad he called it shit and acting like its an attack on amo as a whole. of course he wont want to sing a song about his ex wife every night hes moved on with his life Hellooooooo

gonna just start using this as a dump for my thoughts i think. sorry if you followed me for art/peterick related stuff tumblr scares me too much to pursue actually posting consistently. ive also been drawing too much bmth to be able to qualify as peterick art poster

i look like such a fake bmth fan because i listen to suicide season and cyb on cd because it feels more appropriate. those cds are played to DEATH but i get humbled anytime i bring up my plays on like. last fm or fm bot

HANG OUT IN THE GALLOWS STUCK IN A LOOP FOR ETERNITY DO YOU KNOW WHY THE FLOWERS NEVER BLOOM WILL YOU RETRY OR LET THE PAIN RESUMEE??????? I NEED A NEW LEADER WE NEED A NEW LUDEN NEW LUDEN YEAH SOME COME OUTSIDE ITS TIME TO SEE THE TIDE ITS OUT OF SIGHT BUT NEVER OUT OF MIND I NEED A NEW LEADER WE NEED A NEW LUDEN A NEW LUDEN NEW LUDEN YEAHH A NEW LUDEN NEW LUDEN YEAHH A NEW LUDEN NEW LUDEN YEAHH A NEW LUDEN NEW LUDEN YEAHHHHHH :3333 !!!!!!!! alright ^_^ you call this a connection? you call this a connection? okay YOU CALL THIS A CONNECTION? OUGH GIVE A BREAK OUGHH GIVE ME A BREAK UGH GIVE ME A BREAAAAKKKKKKKKK UHHHGGHHHHHH OH ^_^

jordan leaving the band also makes me feel sick. jordan was always there for oli through everything (i am aware the rest of the band was but even theyve said how close they were as a duo). him answering questions for oli sometimes when he obviously didnt want to and him always just Understanding what oli wanted in songs and AGRGHRHSGSHQ. saw a clip during drown where olis eyes quickly go up to where jordan used to be on stage and to be honest it might just be me making shit up cause of how much i watched the clip / what i wanted the clip to be but it was when jj did the backing vocals jordan used to do and :(( i miss them im so upset ill never see jordan live. also the announcement saying there was no bad blood between them to the nme interview where oli says theres shit on both sides but hed always be to sort the problems out if jordan wanted to MAKES ME ILL!!!!!!! i miss them so so much the fact oli didnt want to replace him and said theyd rather stay as a 5 piece (4 piece off tour) now makes me want to vomit GODDDD. dont get me wrong i love koolaid and how mat got to humanise the samples they were otherwise gonna use and how lee got way more freedom with breakdowns and stuff but i Miss Jordan being in the band a Lot. Like A Lot i feel violently ill when i think about it for too long

nex gen to me is a constant reminder i have to keep living and nobody i mean nobody will ever understand that album like me. oli got better after thinking he never would and it was because he loved himself and Kept living until he did. i cant articulate it well at all but god bmth makes me feel such Strong Feelings. their songs make me feel so incredibly ill because of how close they hit to home (i hate using that saying but whateverr). nex gen being entirely about how comforting an addiction / mental illness can be and how nobody but yourself can truly fix you no matter how much you wish they could makes my stomach turn every time i listen to it

something about oli talking so surely about how rehab saved him post sempiternal era and how he was recovered to interviews now where he says he was just distracted by the band and it all hit him again when he was in lockdown makes me sick. i cant really watch interviews of oli when he got out of rehab and had to talk about it a lot because it just makes me feel Ill. same with the videos / video diaries filmed in lockdown idk. the special interest x mental illness combination is not one for the weak. it isnt obviously drugs and stuff but i was sooo convinced i was better and then lockdown just disproved it entirely. oli sykes gets me in a way nobody else could ever get me and its sickening

sadly bmth special interest is so bad ive started almost going into full blown panic attacks if i dont listen to them for an extended amount of time. spent all night yesterday and all day today with a friend and started feeling sick because i felt rude listening to music while i was out with him and his family. i have nowhere to talk about this so im resorting to my entirely dead tumblr. expect somewhat spam idk i wont be tagging anything sooo sorry! just block me or whatever i dont use tumblr enough to care sorryyy