His Voice

I am here mainly because I have something to get off my chest. I wish I could get help for it but I don’t have friends to talk to so this is my best chance at posibly letting go. 

11 months ago I broke up with my ex boyfriend, someone I had been dating at that point for 3 years. The reasons why I broke up with him are long and confusing but I will do my best to summerize. For about a year prior to the breakup we had begun having constant fights, it seemed that every time I saw him I became annoyed or irritated and then covid happened and I sunk into a deep depression. I stopped eating, I couldn’t sleep and of course I was more irritable than ever. We fought way more during this period. This fights had no good reason, they were meaningless. I think for that last year I already knew that the realtionship was ending and I was just hoping I could extend it a littble bit longer because this dude was the love of my life. I tried everything, I even tried to change who I was so that I would not be so problematic anymore. I wanted to change for him, but I think that by then it was too late. The damage that could be done to our relationship was done. It had to be ended but he wouldn’t do it, he kept me on edge for 3 weeks, making me cry every weekend and making me feel guilty for not ending it. 

I ended it. August and, September and October were the worst months I have ever experience. But I pulled through. I pulled througha no matter how many times i thought of just endig it all. I pulled trough, I didn’t beg, I didnt speak to him. I promised I’d be his friend so I never blocked him but everytime I wanted to tell him something, I stopped myself, I didnt want to hurt him anymore. I didn’t want to hurt anymore even though I was already hurting so much. Towards the end of october I wrote him a letter which I never sent, this letter spoke about how I felt about him, how much I had endured and I put the responsability of his actions on him and the responsibility of my actions on me. I felt FREE.

With the pandemic still on going, and me being as friendless I ever. I signed up for Tinder to match with girls. I was not getting any luck so I addes boys to the mix and that is when I met my now boyfriend. 

My boyfriend is perfect. He is the best boyfriend I have ever had. He listens to me, he visits me everyday, he buys me junk food when Im in the mood. He is just the sweetest and most caring boy ever and I fell in love with him. I started a relationship and I put it all over my social media. I became really happy. 

Seven months later and my sister HAD to come and tell me she saw my ex with his new girlfriend which is my sisters friend. It hurt. It really hurt to hear that. I hope he is happy dont get me wrong, I think the love that i have left for my ex is one that truly wishes him the best. Wishes him to succed with everything. But it still hurt. I actually cried, I’ve actually been feeling down.