Indifferent

Girls

With their curves

Small hands

Shining eyes

Underneath alluring, bountiful eyelashes

Perky breasts

Handfuls of supple, round ass

Buttery skin

My hands flow gently

Across its silkiness

Waves of pure pleasure

Radiate from every direction

When my body

Connects

With the luscious female from

Muscles covered by sweet layers

Of delicious surfacing

Shaven legs

With surprising strength

Envelope my waist

Heat circulates throughout my veins

Death should not be feared

But welcomed

Death is not a masked thief

Stealing vitality

Running off with your happiness

Indeed death is a gift

An escape

Yes

The beautiful will be missed

The joys will be fading memories

Don't have fear though

There is good alongside the bad

Death still holds beauty

Death can still accompany joy

Through life's hurricanes

A peaceful ending

Returns you to death's eternal

Sunny blue skies

You know the person who says there should be more love in the world? Every one knows one. Let's not stereotype. It doesnt have to be a hippie or some psycho treehugger. Just someone who thinks there is too much hate in the world. Now, lets think about it. We have liars, cheaters, racists, murderes, rapists, genocide, bombings...this list could go on and on. And we dont have just one person doing all of these heinous things. We have the women...the mean. Black, white, and yellow. The rich. The poor. The gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, and transsexuals. The people with multiple personalities. The people that say God told them to (oh yes, the power of God is a scary one) The people who wake up with nothing left to lose. The people who have everything that dont know what else to do with themselves. We have the angry, depressed, and the selfish. And above all--we have the selfish. Thats right. We arent leaving anybody out. We are humans...and by that, we are not perfect. So very far from it. And while striving to reach perfection is a horrible waste of your limited time on this degrading Earth....you should at least TRY to be as good as YOU can be. And I know everyone is above lying, cheating, murder, and rape. You arent just born with a lying bump on your head that destines you to become a liar--although this was a widely accepted theory back in the day...it is complete rubbish.

In the days of Martin Luther King, Jr., he led many people to see the injustice in this country. From the beginning days of the Montgomery bus boycotts, King not only impacted and helped change local discrepanciesbut also ones on the national level. In his day when all too many black people were being degraded, segregated, and discriminated against laid down to be walked over, King brought attention to problems. Influenced by Gandhi, King was passive in his attempts to equalize society. King's "attract more bees with honey than vinegar" method wasn't the first time it was put in use, but it was surely the most real and most publicized. We still reference such ways to attain what we desire. This is because King thoroughly proved the effectiveness of it. In his speeches and sermons, Martin Luther King Jr. addressed the wrong-doings of the rest of society, namely whites. This caused most of America to really think about not just their actions but what they saw, heard, and accepted in their every day life. When America truly thought about these atrocities, many banned together behind King to end them. King fought hard to close the gap between white and black, and even though the gap never officially closed by time of his abrupt death, he helped bring together the people with the same intentions to continue his fight. Without King, the Civil Rights Movement might have been put, unfortunately, on hold. To this day, there is still a gap among the races, but thanks to Martin Luther King Jr. many people have the inspiration to continue to correct the wrongs that have been going on for too long.

So I just woke up...well finally did. I always wake up too many times during the night. So I had this dream, part of the dream had happened before...but then at the end, my mother died. I woke up in tears. I mean I literally flew out of bed to go downstairs to give my mother a hug. I was bawling. What I would love to know, what made my mind conjure up those thoughts?? It seems cruel. Sigmund Freud (a great man in the world of Psychology) is partly to blame for my over analytical ways. But only I am to blame for having such awful thoughts!! Who can help wondering the "why's" of the world? I know I cant...Lord knows that it gets me in trouble, too.

Now my mind has wandered to the things that make people feel better. No necessarily happy...because, in my eyes, those are two different things. For me...a hug almost always makes me happy...sometimes I just want to be left alone. My girlfriend tells me that I make her feel better....but sometimes I dont. What causes these changes? Then, as aforementioned, I love hugs, but my mother hates receiving hugs when she is upset. Now, granted her and I arent the same person, but we have many many things in common. Why the difference? People always ask me why I want to be a psychiatrist...besides the fact that I love helping people, I love medicine, and I hate dealing with death...this is one of the main reasons. I just love the mind (not the brain. two different things. Although the brain does feel good) The mind and how it works and all that good stuff...its just so fascinating. My dad swears I will become a surgeon like him. He is probably right (though I wont tell him that) I do admitt-I love the body. And blood--not in a psycho, serial killer way. Its just so cool.

Well there I go getting all sidetracked again. I am taking the ACT with the writing section on February 12....*sigh* Wish me luck.

So...I didnt Offish make a New Years resolution...but if I were to...it would probably be something like 'be more open', 'stop thinking so much', or 'write regularly'.

So I can hit two birds with one stone right now. Often times..I keep my poetry to myself...I dont even really like people to know that I write...then they expect me to be all 'profound' or something. I am far from profound. That's my brother's job. So I'm not a poet. I am just an extremely emotional person who cant express myself for two craps if I have to out loud.

The other reason I refrain from sharing...(besides with my beautiful girlfriend) is because I have a mega difficult time letting people in like that. You can ward people off with a fake smile. Say 'oh I am just fine'..and after a while...you really just convince people. Heck, if you're really good, you can even convince yourself. I never got that good. But with what I write, thats like opening not only the door...all the windows the garage..Hell...why not just rip off the front wall so everybody can run in and see what you really are. I dont know if its just me..but that is scary as I dont know what.

Plus another reason why I dont share them is because...well the fact that they are about 'personal things' doesnt bother me...its just that I only write about either REALLY depressing things...or REALLY lovey things...makes me feel like a have multiple personalities: a little schoolgirl in love and some suicidal sadist. And since, I assure you, I am neither...its weird sharing my 'poetry.

I would love to share like my first bam poem of 2011...but yeah...is 9:56...so I havent gotten there...so instead I will tribute 2010 by sharing my favorite poem of last year.

Deal? Cool...better be.

*flips through journal* Ugh..choices...sad/happy..about someone/general..

Okay..after much deliberation (its now 10:36) I have chosen one that I wrote on January 21, 2010.

I want to scream

Just to make sure I'm still here

The world seems so loud

All around me

Blocking my additional volume

Like I have been put on mute

But I can still hear

I can still see

I've become invisible

When I wanted to be invinsible

I want to scream

Not only as a reminder to myself

But to others

I am longing to tell them

I'm still here

I still know

I still care

But why would I do that?

For it would only bring along attention

Just what I crave

Yet trying so hard to ignore

I'll just keep my screams inside

Away from the world

That has forgotten me

Okay...so Levana, my fat*ss cat knocked orange juice all over my keyboard. This is my first attempt at typing with it. Not doing so hot. This thing has deleted twice actually. Ugh and it messes up some of the letters. Now that I notice its actually mainly just the right side thats messed up. Hmm..maybe I can buy a new keyboard with that 50 gift card Banks got me...

Anyways. I actually had a point to this before I went off on that little tangent..Im always doing that...(ugh the period key keeps typing c's) I am pretty sure I am ADD...never got tested though. Okay. well this is annoying. No more elipses for me :(

There I go again. Point is. I love days like these..I just wake up and get up...which is very unusual (that looks wrong) because I have a very bad tendency of lying in bed for hours until I actually get up. I have too much on my mind. I really need more ways...preferably interesting ones..to clear my head. I think a lot. Too much I would say. That has always been my main problem. I think too much..and typically when I think, I get upset. Very bad little symbiotic relationship I have going on there. Definitely not mututal.