escapism

A silver lining?

I’m completely speechless rn.

All i can say is that im amazed, grateful, and faithful even though I haven’t seen it yet, my heart knows I’ll get there someday.

Reading my birth chart and asking chatgpt for assistance is so interesting

Look at that:

👀

While reading this.. a song called “Bituing walang ningning” plays in the background ✨

The most frequent question I ask myself.

Picture this: A single lady in her thirties, unmarried, no kids, and zero investments. Now, sitting alone and sipping iced matcha in the nearest cafe in the city where she’s lived since 2011. Paying rent for almost 14 years now! What a waste of money, right? Hmm. Depends. Part of me also enjoyed living alone and away from my hometown, away from my parents. But now that I turned 30, I realized that I think it’s time for me to go back living with my parents instead of renting to save some money. There’s no shame on that. Also, it’s good to be spending more time with them especially because they’re getting older. They obviously need my presence and help with some house chores.

“Imposter syndrome is real!”

I’ve been working as an accounts receivable analyst for the past 8 years… now that I’ve switched into another accountant role with heavier workload, it made me feel like a fraud. I know for real that I am not good in this role no matter how hard I try to push myself and be better at it. My heart and mind is never at ease. Deep down, I know there’s more to life than being a burnout corporate employee who works in a 9-5 job with no passion and is slowly feeling dead inside.

Who am I supposed to be?

No fucking 100% certainty of who I am supposed to be. I have many interests but zero mastery. A jack of all trades and a master of none.

I know for sure that being an accountant is not for me.

“I want to be a Teacher!”

I left my laptop in a room sa isa ka apartment building. Went back to get my laptop pero got lost because i forgot unsa to na room. Couldn’t find it esp. nga identical ang mga rooms almost every rooms have the same style. All I could remember is naa ko sa 3rd floor and i know dili to sya sa corner na room. Naa sa middle. Went back and forth wala jud nako nakit an ang laptop ug ang room. While searching, nasaag nakos lain lugar lol naa gani toy mermaid 😂

Another dream scene, naa daw koy baby super gamay lik newborn rat lol nag breastfeeding daw ko and i felt hadlok kay it was so unfamiliar. I don’t know if im doing it right. And i got no one but myself.

I can’t stop thinking about resigning and start something new.

As I was eating my home cooked vegetable soup as my breakfast, I realized how blessed I am that I’m able to cook my own food and not only make it a healthier meal but also make it taste so good! Plus it doesn’t even cost that much and it only has a few healthy ingredients like squash, sayote, ginger, red onion, garlic, salt, and powdered pepper. I partnered it with corn rice to balance the taste. I devoured all of it! Haha nothing left for later

Cooking

It’s satisfying when you have to cook for yourself to:

Save money

Save your health

Save your taste buds

Bought the following from FB Marketplace.

Golden Pothos, 5pcs. ₱150 + ₱91 DF

Homalomena, 1pc. ₱180 + ₱60 DF

Laxiflora, 1pc. ₱75

Rose cabbage succulent, 1pc. ₱60

Tricolors, 2pcs. Freebie

Thanks to ChatGPT for some guidance lol

Homalomena

🌱 Care Guide

• Light: Bright, indirect light. Tolerates medium–low light, but avoid harsh sun (burns the leaves).

• Water: Keep soil evenly moist but not soggy. Water when the top inch of soil feels dry.

• Humidity: Loves higher humidity (ideal for bathrooms or near a humidifier).

• Temperature: Warm and stable (18–27°C / 65–80°F). Doesn’t like cold drafts.

• Soil: Well-draining potting mix with peat, perlite, or orchid bark.

• Toxicity: Toxic to pets (like most aroids).

Golden Pothos

🌱 Care Guide

• Light: Thrives in bright, indirect light, but also does well in low light (variegation fades if it’s too dark).

• Water: Let the top 1–2 inches of soil dry before watering. Overwatering = root rot.

• Humidity: Average household humidity is fine, but it appreciates more.

• Temperature: 18–30°C (65–85°F). Keep away from cold drafts.

• Soil: Well-draining mix (regular potting soil with perlite works).

• Fertilizer: Once a month during growing season (spring–summer).

• Toxicity: Toxic to pets if ingested.

🌿 Fun Facts

• Can grow 10+ feet indoors if left to trail or climb.

• Easy to propagate — just cut below a node and stick in water or soil.

• NASA listed it as an air-purifying plant (filters formaldehyde, benzene, etc.).

When I was younger, back when newspapers were still a thing before social media became popular, I used to read them, flip through the pages straight to the horoscope section. I would read my horoscope and half-heartedly believe in it, not fully aware that it was highly discouraged in our Christian faith.

Years passed, and I tried not to think about it much anymore. But as an adult, I’m slowly getting back into it. I can’t recall exactly when my fascination with astrology started, but I remember my curiosity about the astrological term “Saturn Return” sparked even more when I kept hearing it in the songs of my two favorite female artists, Ari and SZA.

I think I first heard it in SZA’s lyrics and then again in Ariana Grande’s album Eternal Sunshine, which included the Saturn Return Interlude. Both songs were released in 2024. Out of curiosity, I googled it and found out that astrologically, Saturn is the planet of discipline, responsibility, structure, and karma. Its return marks a period when you’re pushed to grow up, face reality, and align with your life purpose. This happens approximately every 27-30 years when Saturn returns to the exact position in the sky where it was when you were born.

In my case, I was born in May 1995, which means my Saturn Return is in the sign of Pisces. My first Saturn return happens from March 2023 to May 2025. Saturn will then move into the fire sign Aries but will retrograde back to Pisces from September 2025 to February 2026. What are the odds!

>> BTW, thanks to Almost30! for the free Saturn Return Calculator.

Looking back at 2023 and 2024, there were quite a few major shifts in my life. I started changing my habits, went on a strict diet and exercise routine, went through a breakup, changed my hair back to its natural color (lol), traveled abroad for the first time, found a new hobby, lost a significant amount of weight, went through a vehicle accident and miraculously survived, and became a semi-breadwinner of the family again, and built a new romantic relationship with someone in private.

This year (2025), career-wise, I’m transitioning into a different role after five long years of being stuck as an AR analyst.

I have a lot more to say but I’ll pause here because I need to sleep lol and im running lateeee.

Anyway, I feel so blessed! I couldn’t be more proud of what I’ve accomplished so far. Sometimes, we forgot to celebrate little wins in life.

Photos with stamped dates in it as proof that Saturn return could be real lol

Mind blown. 🤯

I remember when I first got my lotus flower tattoo, it was around first week of January 2023. The same year when I’ve intentionally changed my lifestyle. A changed mindset. A total rebirth. I think it was around April of the same year when I’ve started reading a self-help book entitled “What Now?” By Yael Shy in which there was a hint of Buddhism practices in it. Since then, I’ve been a consistent believer in meditation. I’ve tried yoga exercises (at home with YT Videos) and enrolled yoga classes twice. Surprisingly, I enjoyed how relaxing yoga is! I viewed my body as a temple so I started clean-eating, exercising, and building good habits.

Around August of the same year, I sadly had a major heartbreak from an almost-lover. I cut my hair and changed color from blonde to black. I've lost weight from 80 kilos to 60 kilos. Same year when I've started hiking trips (influenced by my workmate friend) lol.

The whole 2023—I've changed a lot mentally and physically. Around September to December, right after that painful breakup, I’ve started seeing a big improvement in myself. I’ve became more disciplined. For the first time after a long time, I went to church for a confession. I started to pray the rosary every morning. I felt lighter, calmer. No more heavy heart, no heavy weight (pun intended). But seriously, a total rebirth! 🤯 🪷

It was December on the same year when me and friends travelled to Taiwan. We’ve visited temples where we found huge Buddha statues.