escapism

The most frequent question I ask myself.

Picture this: A single lady in her thirties, unmarried, no kids, and zero investments. Now, sitting alone and sipping iced matcha in the nearest cafe in the city where she’s lived since 2011. Paying rent for almost 14 years now! What a waste of money, right? Hmm. Depends. Part of me also enjoyed living alone and away from my hometown, away from my parents. But now that I turned 30, I realized that I think it’s time for me to go back living with my parents instead of renting to save some money. There’s no shame on that. Also, it’s good to be spending more time with them especially because they’re getting older. They obviously need my presence and help with some house chores.

“Imposter syndrome is real!”

I’ve been working as an accounts receivable analyst for the past 8 years… now that I’ve switched into another accountant role with heavier workload, it made me feel like a fraud. I know for real that I am not good in this role no matter how hard I try to push myself and be better at it. My heart and mind is never at ease. Deep down, I know there’s more to life than being a burnout corporate employee who works in a 9-5 job with no passion and is slowly feeling dead inside.

Who am I supposed to be?

No fucking 100% certainty of who I am supposed to be. I have many interests but zero mastery. A jack of all trades and a master of none.

I know for sure that being an accountant is not for me.

“I want to be a Teacher!”

I left my laptop in a room sa isa ka apartment building. Went back to get my laptop pero got lost because i forgot unsa to na room. Couldn’t find it esp. nga identical ang mga rooms almost every rooms have the same style. All I could remember is naa ko sa 3rd floor and i know dili to sya sa corner na room. Naa sa middle. Went back and forth wala jud nako nakit an ang laptop ug ang room. While searching, nasaag nakos lain lugar lol naa gani toy mermaid 😂

Another dream scene, naa daw koy baby super gamay lik newborn rat lol nag breastfeeding daw ko and i felt hadlok kay it was so unfamiliar. I don’t know if im doing it right. And i got no one but myself.

I can’t stop thinking about resigning and start something new.

As I was eating my home cooked vegetable soup as my breakfast, I realized how blessed I am that I’m able to cook my own food and not only make it a healthier meal but also make it taste so good! Plus it doesn’t even cost that much and it only has a few healthy ingredients like squash, sayote, ginger, red onion, garlic, salt, and powdered pepper. I partnered it with corn rice to balance the taste. I devoured all of it! Haha nothing left for later

Cooking

It’s satisfying when you have to cook for yourself to:

Save money

Save your health

Save your taste buds

Bought the following from FB Marketplace.

Golden Pothos, 5pcs. ₱150 + ₱91 DF

Homalomena, 1pc. ₱180 + ₱60 DF

Laxiflora, 1pc. ₱75

Rose cabbage succulent, 1pc. ₱60

Tricolors, 2pcs. Freebie

Thanks to ChatGPT for some guidance lol

Homalomena

🌱 Care Guide

• Light: Bright, indirect light. Tolerates medium–low light, but avoid harsh sun (burns the leaves).

• Water: Keep soil evenly moist but not soggy. Water when the top inch of soil feels dry.

• Humidity: Loves higher humidity (ideal for bathrooms or near a humidifier).

• Temperature: Warm and stable (18–27°C / 65–80°F). Doesn’t like cold drafts.

• Soil: Well-draining potting mix with peat, perlite, or orchid bark.

• Toxicity: Toxic to pets (like most aroids).

Golden Pothos

🌱 Care Guide

• Light: Thrives in bright, indirect light, but also does well in low light (variegation fades if it’s too dark).

• Water: Let the top 1–2 inches of soil dry before watering. Overwatering = root rot.

• Humidity: Average household humidity is fine, but it appreciates more.

• Temperature: 18–30°C (65–85°F). Keep away from cold drafts.

• Soil: Well-draining mix (regular potting soil with perlite works).

• Fertilizer: Once a month during growing season (spring–summer).

• Toxicity: Toxic to pets if ingested.

🌿 Fun Facts

• Can grow 10+ feet indoors if left to trail or climb.

• Easy to propagate — just cut below a node and stick in water or soil.

• NASA listed it as an air-purifying plant (filters formaldehyde, benzene, etc.).

When I was younger, back when newspapers were still a thing before social media became popular, I used to read them, flip through the pages straight to the horoscope section. I would read my horoscope and half-heartedly believe in it, not fully aware that it was highly discouraged in our Christian faith.

Years passed, and I tried not to think about it much anymore. But as an adult, I’m slowly getting back into it. I can’t recall exactly when my fascination with astrology started, but I remember my curiosity about the astrological term “Saturn Return” sparked even more when I kept hearing it in the songs of my two favorite female artists, Ari and SZA.

I think I first heard it in SZA’s lyrics and then again in Ariana Grande’s album Eternal Sunshine, which included the Saturn Return Interlude. Both songs were released in 2024. Out of curiosity, I googled it and found out that astrologically, Saturn is the planet of discipline, responsibility, structure, and karma. Its return marks a period when you’re pushed to grow up, face reality, and align with your life purpose. This happens approximately every 27-30 years when Saturn returns to the exact position in the sky where it was when you were born.

In my case, I was born in May 1995, which means my Saturn Return is in the sign of Pisces. My first Saturn return happens from March 2023 to May 2025. Saturn will then move into the fire sign Aries but will retrograde back to Pisces from September 2025 to February 2026. What are the odds!

>> BTW, thanks to Almost30! for the free Saturn Return Calculator.

Looking back at 2023 and 2024, there were quite a few major shifts in my life. I started changing my habits, went on a strict diet and exercise routine, went through a breakup, changed my hair back to its natural color (lol), traveled abroad for the first time, found a new hobby, lost a significant amount of weight, went through a vehicle accident and miraculously survived, and became a semi-breadwinner of the family again, and built a new romantic relationship with someone in private.

This year (2025), career-wise, I’m transitioning into a different role after five long years of being stuck as an AR analyst.

I have a lot more to say but I’ll pause here because I need to sleep lol and im running lateeee.

Anyway, I feel so blessed! I couldn’t be more proud of what I’ve accomplished so far. Sometimes, we forgot to celebrate little wins in life.

Photos with stamped dates in it as proof that Saturn return could be real lol

Mind blown. 🤯

I remember when I first got my lotus flower tattoo, it was around first week of January 2023. The same year when I’ve intentionally changed my lifestyle. A changed mindset. A total rebirth. I think it was around April of the same year when I’ve started reading a self-help book entitled “What Now?” By Yael Shy in which there was a hint of Buddhism practices in it. Since then, I’ve been a consistent believer in meditation. I’ve tried yoga exercises (at home with YT Videos) and enrolled yoga classes twice. Surprisingly, I enjoyed how relaxing yoga is! I viewed my body as a temple so I started clean-eating, exercising, and building good habits.

Around August of the same year, I sadly had a major heartbreak from an almost-lover. I cut my hair and changed color from blonde to black. I've lost weight from 80 kilos to 60 kilos. Same year when I've started hiking trips (influenced by my workmate friend) lol.

The whole 2023—I've changed a lot mentally and physically. Around September to December, right after that painful breakup, I’ve started seeing a big improvement in myself. I’ve became more disciplined. For the first time after a long time, I went to church for a confession. I started to pray the rosary every morning. I felt lighter, calmer. No more heavy heart, no heavy weight (pun intended). But seriously, a total rebirth! 🤯 🪷

It was December on the same year when me and friends travelled to Taiwan. We’ve visited temples where we found huge Buddha statues.

I was so happy seeing my newly adopted Persian cat purring beside me.. so cute and sweet. While i was trying to get that thread-like thing out from my doggy’s teeth, I can’t seem to pull it out, so I decided to have him checked with a vet doctor.

Ang una ana kay nag adopt kog lain2 pets sa usa ka vet doctor. Ni adopt kog mga iro mga iring ug kana scary creatures like frankenstein doll nya mulihok jd like naa gyuy life ba. Duha gae to kabuok jigsaw dolls ako gipalit. Mga buotan rmn to sila nuon. Ang doctor kay kuyaw kau supervisor nko sauna sa Johndorf hahhaha naa diay syay dghan kaau collections love nga mga scary creatures, mga vintage stuffs, books, couches etc. nya dghan jd sya pet dogs and cats. Nya nakoy usa ka dog need jd ipa adtog vet doctor kay naa daw nasangit sa iya teeth di jd nako makuha. Sa ka busy ug broke nako, di na nko makaya ug buhi sila tnan. Nay 1 cat ug 2 dogs sud sa ako room. Pag gawas nako sa room, nakalimot ko dghan man diay kaau kog gi adopt na dogs and cats, not knowing nga gutom na diay kaau sila na pa bayaan nagyud nako. Mao to ga wild btaw na. Gutom jd daw kaau sila. Nya mao to ni contact ko ni vet doctor, maugne accommodating ra sad kaau gi tubag rko then mao to niadto kos iya clinic nagdala sako usa ka iro nga need ug help sa iya teeth. Before ani nga scene kay naa pa gae toy scene nga mag hiking ta ko pdung, nag change nko clothes nya nag wait hantud di diay madaun amo hike hahaha nya weird kau naa si mariz imo manghud ga hgda sa double deck sud sa room sko amiga na bayot nga si Gab. HAHAH