“Numbers Make Ya Laugh Sometimes”- joey b

I looked around at all of the people I went to high school with, spotting people I've kept in contact with and those who I haven't spoken to since high school graduation. As I scanned the entire, overly crowded place, I kept spotting people I thought I'd never see again: Katie, Megan, Iris, mark, Isaac. Most of the people here stayed in Athens after graduation, but not me, and certainly not after college. The only reason I was back here was because one of my close friends was getting married. In honor of their wedding in October, they decided to have a little get together in the summer with everyone from high school that they invited to the wedding since they knew it would be hard to spend time with all of us on their actual wedding day.

"Oh my gosh, you're here?" Someone practically screamed over to me from across the bar set up in the corner of the venue, tearing me away from my thoughts. I furrowed my brows and turned my head in the direction of the voice that caught my attention. As soon as I turned, I recognized those chunky glasses and wild curly red hair immediately. Once we both spotted each other, she ran over to me as I grabbed my water from the bartender and then set it on the bar top. "Rachel? No way!" I said, my mouth practically dropping open as I flung my arms around her and pulled her to me, sharing her shocked expression. "I didn't know you would be here!" She told me as she threw her arms around me and held me tightly to her, both of us laughing together.

"Of course I came, why wouldn't I? It's not every day I get to come back and see all of my friends from high school." I told her and then we both pulled away to look at each other. We both wore huge smiles and we couldn't stop laughing. "I know, I know, but you haven't been back here since- well y'know." She said and then shook her head, shaking off what she said as soon as she saw my smile start to fade. Haven't been back here since. Just say it. Everyone's thinking it. Even now, as I catch people's eyes lingering on me for a second too long, I can tell they're all thinking it. I can't blame them though. I would too. "Yeah, well, I haven't really had a reason to come back. I figured that this was a great time to break that streak." I said with a small laugh and then grabbed my water and took a small sip of it, suddenly wishing it were full of vodka.

"Well if it's any consolation, I'm glad you're here. And everyone else is too. He wasn't even supposed to show to be honest, you both surprised us." She told me and then started to rub my arm in a comforting gesture. I looked up at her and opened my mouth to say something, but just as I was about to tell her that I was glad that I was here too, my heart sank in my chest and I froze, all of my previous thoughts leaving my head in an instant. My eyes widened slightly and I let out an uneasy laugh, not being able to say anything in this moment. I could feel my hands start to get sweaty and suddenly, I became aware that I would have to see him tonight. After three years, I would finally see him again, and it made a wave of anxiety mixed with anger wash over me.

"What did you just say?" I asked her quietly, not knowing if my mind was playing tricks on me or if she was referring to another man. With a small nonchalant shrug, Rachel looked down at me and then said, "yeah I know, nobody expected him to show up. I guess he was able to slip away from Cincinnati for a little bit." As soon as she said this, I looked down at the ground as I started to pick at the skin around my nails, not wanting to look anywhere but the ground in the fear of spotting him. I wasn't ready for this. I hadn't prepared myself mentally. Walking into this place tonight, filled with so many of my friends from years ago, the possibility of seeing him never crossed my mind; He was always too preoccupied with his busy life to actually be able to make an appearance at these kinds of things. Of course it had to be when I came, though.

If I had known, I would have either, one, not come altogether, or two...you know what, there wasn't even a second option. There was only one option to choose from, and that was to avoid the possibility of coming face to face with him again by simply not going. But now, I'm standing here, frozen in front of Rachel who probably has no idea how much I am regretting making an appearance today, with the knowledge that he is here. Somewhere in here is the one person who I never wanted to see again. Three years ago I made myself two promises. One, that I wouldn't step foot in Cincinnati, and Two, that I wouldn't allow myself to see him again. I didn't want to break the second one tonight.

Finally, I was able to conjure up some more words as Rachel still stood there, oblivious to all of these thoughts that were running through my head. "I'll be right back." I told her, planning on finding the nearest bathroom where I could hide out for a few minutes and then leave altogether and go to my hotel I booked for tonight. "Okay, I'll save your spot." She told me, that big smile still never leaving her face, although mine left a long time ago. Quickly, I turned around and scanned the entire place, trying to find the bathroom. My heart beat sped up in my chest: the room was too crowded, too loud, too full of people who were reminders of him.

The air in the crowded room hummed with chatter, laughter, and the occasional sound of glasses clinking together, but all I could focus on was finding the bathroom. Without knowing where I wanted to go, I began to place one foot in front of the other in the hopes that I would somehow find the bathroom. My eyes then shifted to the left slightly, and suddenly...my eyes met his.

Joe Burrow.

Flashback- freshman year

"Truth, dare, spin bottles. You know how to ball, I know Aristotle."

The basement smelled of popcorn, alcohol, and Bryce's mom's lavender detergent. String lights drooped lazily from the ceiling, giving the small basement the perfect glow. I held a red solo cup filled with the most disgusting beer I've ever tasted in my right hand and my left was holding onto my only friend and neighbors hand, Mya. After moving to Athens only yesterday - which was two days before I start my freshman year of high school - she insisted that we go to our first ever high school party to kick off what Mya called 'the American experience.' She was definitely a character but I loved her for treating me like I didn't just move into town a day ago.

We have been here for at least an hour and still nothing fun was happening. Kids were leaning against the walls with red solo cups in their hands, some double fisting, others making out, and some looking like they wanted to go home. Although it was a pretty poor excuse for a high school party, it was still amazing. My eyes darted around, soaking it all in: the jocks, the mismatched furniture, spilled red solo cups, the guy with the dyed hair trying his best at being the DJ, and of course the smell of teenage sweat. It wasn't glamorous, but it was my first ever high school party. What can I say?

"Okay, okay! Let's play a game!" Someone said loudly, trying to make his voice overpower the talking and music and reach everyone's ears. "Spin the bottle!" A girl yelled. I looked excitedly over at Mya who looked around nervously. I nudged her shoulder with a smile and said, "c'mon it'll be fun." Still, she gave me an unsure look so I just shrugged it off. "We can just watch then." I said, not wanting her to feel guilty or pressured into playing if she didn't want to. "You know what, let's do it." She said. We both smiled excitedly and walked over to the already forming circle. Mya and I squeezed into the circle and then sat criss cross applesauce next to each other.

In the middle of the circle was a beer bottle, the lights from the ceiling making it look shiny. My heart began to thud quickly in my chest and I questioned whether or not I wanted to stay or leave, but I decided to stay. No way I was going to chicken out at my first party. My knees brushed against mya's and the person next to me while I watched a man's hand reach for the bottle. The man wasn't in my direct line of sight so I just watched the bottle, waiting to see who it would land on. The bottle rattled against the ground as it spun. We all watched in anticipation, waiting to see who it would land on. Then the bottle finally began to slow to a stop.

*clink* *clink* *clink* The bottle finally slowed to a stop. My heart began to speed up in my chest and I swallowed the small lump in my throat, my nerves rising. The neck of the bottle was pointing right at me. Not Mya. Not the person next to me. Right at me. My whole body locked up for a few seconds as everyone's eyes landed on me. "Go kiss your girl!" A boy said. I could hear the boy slap the back of the person I was supposed to kiss. Still, I couldn't see the man, so I slowly leaned forwards. My eyes were still glued to the bottle but when I knew I would be able to see the boy I was going to have to kiss, I raised my eyes up slowly. While I slowly looked up, I contemplated leaving the party altogether to avoid having to kiss someone. I knew I still had time to leave. I could set my cup down and run out of the door and go back to my house.

Then I saw him. Those blue eyes were already looking straight into mine when I looked at him. The boys hair was short and messy; not short enough to be a buzz cut but it looked like it was growing back after having one. His lips were the perfect shade of pink and shaped perfectly. The tip of his nose and ears were slightly red, along with his cheeks, and I could tell he was nervous just like I was. And his jawline- his jawline was perfect. I could tell he was around my age and based on his nervous body language, probably a freshman too. "Go on Joe. Stand up you two." The boy said again. Joe. We both continued to look into each others eyes, studying each other. He wore an Athens high school sweatshirt with the sleeves pushed up passed his elbows, and his smile was small and kind.

I swear - swear on every diary entry I've ever written and on all of my family members - that time slowed down. I've seen a million faces before. A million eyes. A million smiles. But never ones like the boy sitting right there looking back at me. I couldn't help but wonder if he was feeling the same things or if I was doomed to have a crush all four years of high school. I smiled shyly at the boy who began to stand up, so I followed his lead. My heart was beating so fast in my chest that I put a hand over my heart, hoping I wouldn't have a heart attack and ruin this moment. Now both standing up, Joe began to walk over to me, that small and kind smile never leaving his face and his soft eyes never leaving mine. I tried not to forget how to breathe.

Once he reached me, we both stood in front of each other. I felt speechless. "You're tall." I said quietly, having to look up to meet his eyes now that we were extremely close to each other. Joe began to laugh and I couldn't help but look down at his smile now that his teeth were showing. My face began to get hot and butterflies started to swarm in my stomach. He had the most perfectly imperfect smile ever. "You're short." He laughed softly in response. "Ouch- take it back." I joked with him. Then, both of our laughter began to fade and he glanced down at my lips before bringing his eyes back up to mine. "Is it okay if I kiss you?" He asked me. And he was respectful too? "Isn't that the point of the game?" I joked with him again but then nodded, "yeah."

Slowly, he started to inch closer and closer to me and before I knew it, he placed his hand on the side of my face and angled my face up gently. I closed my eyes as his lips pressed softly against mine. I placed one hand just above his hip and pulled at his sweatshirt, suddenly not remembering what to do with my hands. I've kissed boys before, sure. But it never felt like this. Ever. The kiss was warm and slow. Respectful. The world around me began to fade and I didn't even hear the people in the circle cheering us on, and even if Joe did or not, he didn't pay attention.

After a few seconds we began to pull away so I opened my eyes and looked into those bright blue ones that were gazing into mine. We were still inches away. Joe smiled softly at me, his cheeks even more red than before we kissed. "Wow." He whispered, furrowing his eyebrows slightly in disbelief. I think I smiled back. I hope I did. I didn't know what this was. If this was the beginning of something or if we would never talk to each other again and only glance at each other as we passed in the hall. But I did know two things. One: I didn't want this to be the only time I ever spoke to him. Two: I would never forget this moment. Ever.

End of flashback

My breath caught in my throat, the world blurring around me as if it were just him and I. Just the two of us, just like it used to be. Suddenly, I couldn't move: My once long strides were replaced with my feet staying planted on the ground. I couldn't blink: my eyes were locked on his blue eyes as they stared into mine from across the room, not even people walking in between us made our gazes falter. Suddenly, I wasn't able to do anything but stand here, frozen under the weight of all of the memories crashing down on me, making it hard to breathe.

The late-night drives through Athens when Joe had to drive over the speed limit so I didn't miss curfew. Singing off key together to all of our favorite songs. Watching 'American Pie' together and not realizing what the movie was about. The long night study sessions in high school and then college where we would spend more time laughing and messing around than actually studying. The way he used to look at me after winning on friday night as the whole school treated him like he was the only person in the world that mattered. The way he looked at me after he won the national championship at LSU...like I was the only person in the entire world that mattered to him.

Then, the nights I spend alone after he cheated on me and then decided he wanted a fresh start after getting drafted. Clean slate. Nothing holding him back. What he really meant: cheating on me made him realize he knew he could find someone new. Different. Better. Someone who wasn't just your average, every day girl working a 9-5. I knew he was slipping through my fingers even before I found out about Chelsie, no matter how tightly I tried to hold on or how much I tried to convince myself that he would keep his promise: that he would marry me one day when the world knew his name. But after he got drafted, he became a different person. Someone I didn't want to be around. Someone who suddenly thought that just because their name meant something now, that they somehow had the right to act like a complete and total jerk. What did that one song say? 'From strangers to friends, friends into lovers, and strangers again?' Well, that pretty much sums it up.

It's been three years.

I thought I had moved on.

I told myself I had moved on. That I wasn't still hurt by what he did. That there wasn't a part of me that was still holding onto what we had even though he broke my heart twice: by cheating on me and then breaking up with me in the same day.

But, as Joe stood there across the room, mirroring my shocked expression, I knew the truth: the past never really left either of us. Neither of us could escape all of the memories we shared together. Slipping into the backseat of his car. Spin the bottle freshman year of high school where we first met. Trying to search for each other in a sea of people after Joe won the national championship game. No matter how much I tried to push down those thoughts and memories, they were always looming over me. And now, as I looked into Joe's telling eyes and the way they said more than words ever could, I knew he couldn't forget about them too. There were way too many things left unsaid when he ended things between us. Too many questions left unanswered. Whether Joe wanted to admit it or not, he was still holding onto what we had. What he ruined.

The sound of glass shattering on the floor quickly tore me away from my thoughts. I blinked rapidly and broke eye contact with Joe before looking to my left to see the bartender squatted down on the ground, cleaning up the remnants of the glass cup he had dropped on the floor. As memories flooded my head and made it impossible to think straight while tears formed in my eyes, I began to look around for the nearest exit. While I tried to spot a way out, it felt like the air turned thick and heavy and I felt claustrophobic while being surrounded by everyone. Then, as I looked slightly to the right of me, I found a door labeled 'roof entrance,' so I grabbed ahold of my purse I had set down on the bar top and then headed straight for it, needing to get away from everyone and clear my mind.

Once I reached the door, I opened it up and then sped walked up the stairs until it led to another door. Quickly, I pushed open the door, and as soon as I did, the cool summer wind hit my face, making me close my eyes and instantly take a deep breath. I stood there for a few seconds while I took deep breaths, feeling my lungs fill up with the cold air. I could feel the tears start to roll down my cheeks, so I quickly opened up my eyes and then headed for the edge of the building. Three years ago I made myself a promise that I could never see Joe again. A part of me always knew I would run into him again: maybe when I was in Athens to visit my parents which I rarely did anymore or maybe in New York when he flew in for football. I never thought I would see him like this, though, surrounded by people who were also reminders of him.

My heart physically felt heavy as I leaned on the railing at the edge of the building, my vision going blurry from the tears that filled my eyes while memories ran around in my head. Joe was my first real love. The person who made me realize that love truly existed and that I wasn't dumb for thinking that it did. All of my firsts were with Joe. My first kiss. My first 'I love you.' My first time having sex - hell, I was even his first too. But he was also my first heartbreak. My first heartbreak which hurt me so much that I haven't been able to trust anyone else since. The thought of getting hurt like that again outweighs the thoughts that tell me to let someone in again, because not falling in love again at all is better than having to go through what I went through three years ago and having to learn how to be alone after eight years of being with the same person.

After a few seconds of failing to push all of the thoughts down so I could go back downstairs and stop thinking about Joe, I quickly reached into my purse, needing to do something in order to get my mind off of him; a feeling of dread filled me that quietly lingered, like a constant fog I couldn't get rid of. Once I reached into my purse, I blindly fiddled around with the many things in my purse until I felt the familiar shape of the pack of cigarettes I brought with me, having a feeling I might need them after being surrounded by people who were constant reminders of Joe. Grabbing them out of my purse, I opened up the small pack and pulled out a cigarette and then put it back into my bag and grabbed out the blue lighter.

I let out a small shaky breath as I placed the very end of the cigarette between my lips and then I cupped my hand around the opposite end, shielding it from the wind. Without hesitation, I brought the lighter up towards my hand, my eyes concentrating on both the cigarette and the lighter. The metallic click of the flint wheel broke the silence surrounding me, following by the brief flare of orange that lit up my face. In seconds the very tip of the cigarette caught fire, so I instantly drew in the first inhale while I dropped my hand with the lighter in it and then gently brought my other hand forwards until the cigarette rested between my middle and pointer finger. The bitter smoke hit the back of my throat and tongue, making me close my eyes as I savored this feeling that washed over me.

Once I drew in enough smoke, I dropped my hand down slowly that held the cigarette and inhaled the smoke into my lungs, instantly feeling better. My shoulders dropped and I opened my eyes back up. My heart beat slowed down and the chaos that flooded my brain slowly dissipated. While facing the edge, I slid my lighter back into my purse and then rested my hand on the railing. I parted my lips while slowly exhaling and watched the smoke curl up and then disappear into the night sky. "Fuck." I swore to myself while I began to shake my head, not knowing how I was going to go back downstairs and face the one person I wasn't prepared to see tonight.

All of a sudden from behind me, I could hear the door that led up here open up slowly, followed by the sound of light - almost hesitant - footsteps. I turned my head to see who had made their way up here, needing to see who it was before I made the decision to stay or leave. With a small furrow of my eyebrows, I turned my head to see who was behind me, and then I saw him. I saw him before he even saw me- of course I did. Three years, and my stomach still had the nerve to twist at the sight of him...and my heart fluttered like it used to do every time I saw him walk into a room, the two things I thought I had surely gotten over. After the way things ended between us, I hated that he still had this effect on me, because he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve the rush of emotion that clawed its way up immediately after I spotted him.

Then, he looked to the right, and once again our eyes met.

Flashback- sophomore year

"I feel like laughing in the middle of practice. Do that impression you did of your dad again. I'm hearing voices like a madman."

"Okay! Go take a water break ladies!" The coach said. All of the girls around me, including me, dropped our pom poms. "Oh my gosh I'm sweating so much." Mya said when she reached me, wiping off the little beads of sweat that decorated her forehead. "Girl me too. It's been so hot. Can you image how bad it's going to be on Friday night?" I said, breathing heavily and wiping the sweat off of my forehead. We began to walk towards the table where the water and small cups were. "Maybe I should just quit now." She laughed. "Me too, me too." I laughed.

All of a sudden I could hear Joe talking loudly from somewhere else on the football field, so I instantly looked up. "Set! Hut!" Joe yelled. I watched as he caught the ball and then dropped back. After taking a few steps backwards and then another few steps forwards, he spotted a man downfield and then threw the ball in the air. My eyes followed the ball as it soared through the air in a tight spiral until it landed perfectly in the receivers hands. "Yeah Joey B!" I yelled but then quickly looked around and shut my mouth, forgetting that we were at practice. Instantly recognizing my voice, Joe took off his helmet and then looked over at me with a big smile. "Alright, water break boys. Make it quick." The coach said.

Without hesitating, Joe began to run to the sidelines where I was, his helmet in hand. "I'll let you lovebirds talk." Mya nudged my arm. I gave her a smile and then when I looked back over in the direction Joe was, I let out a small gasp when I saw how close he was to me, not expecting it. "Jumpy much." He joked with me and then wrapped his arm around me. "I think you would be pretty shocked too if you weren't expecting a tall man to run towards you." I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck. Just as fast as I wrapped my arms around his neck I dropped them and began to wipe them on his jersey. "Dude you sweat so fucking much." I laughed. "You're pretty sweaty too, there's a heat wave you dummy." Joe said and began to shake his head.

Little sweat droplets began to scatter in every direction, some landing on my face. "Hey!" I laughed. While I laughed, Joe leaned down and placed a small kiss on my lips. "Okay you're forgiven." I said. "Good." He smiled down at me. We began to walk to the table so we could get some water. "I can't believe your parents caught us yesterday." I said, remembering back to last night when his mom and dad weren't supposed to be home. When I was over, the rule was that his bedroom door stays wide open. Not shut. Not cracked. Not even almost all the way open. Wide open. Robin and Jimmy may love me, but they know how teenagers act and therefore have rules laid out for us, which we respect.

But, last night his parents weren't supposed to be home until 9 since they had dinner reservations, so Joe and I told his parents we would be over my house and we told my parents we would be over his house. Seems practical, right? I would just leave before his parents got home so they thought Joe had just gotten home when they did. So, we figured that instead of technically breaking the rules, we wouldn't shut his bedroom door. We wouldn't even go into his bedroom. Unbeknownst to Joe and I, though, they left early because Robin started to feel sick during the dinner. When they got home, we were a little preoccupied so we didn't even realize someone had pulled into the driveway until Robin and Jimmy walked in on me straddling Joe on the couch. In our defense we were just making out and technically we didn't break the rules since they never said kissing was off limits, but they were still upset, mostly at the fact that we lied to them.

"I can't believe how mad my dad was. My mom at least tried to give me the benefit of the doubt." Joe laughed. When we got to the table Joe filled up my cup with some water so I took it and began to take big sips out of it, instantly feeling more refreshed. While Joe filled up his cup, I started to laugh while imagining the impression he did of his dad at lunch today. "Oh my gosh, do that impression you did of your dad again." I laughed. After Joe filled his water up, he turned to me and started to get all serious, getting into character. He stepped towards me and then pointed at me and furrowed his eyebrows. Then, he started to talk in the best Jimmy Burrow voice he could muster up. "There's no buts, Joseph. Straddling while making out leads to sex! Sex leads to kids! Kids leads to no diploma which leads to no scholarship!" The both of started to laugh uncontrollably at his impression of his dad.

"You try, you try." Joe encouraged me, wanting me to try and do an impression of his dad. I set my water down on the table and cleared my throat. While we messed around, we were completely oblivious to the sounds of our coaches whistles ending the water break. Joe watched me intently while I tried to get into character. I stood up straighter and made myself look all mean. "There's no buts, Joseph. Straddling while making out leads to sex! Sex leads to kids! Kids leads to no diploma which leads to no scholarship!" Once again, the both of us started to laugh uncontrollably. From laughing so hard, Joe grabbed ahold of his stomach and began to scrunch his face up in pain, so I laughed even harder at the fact that his laughter was hurting him.

"Excuse me! Stop harassing my cheer captain!" My coach yelled at Joe. Joe and I quickly stopped laughing and whipped our heads over in the direction of my coach. I noticed that I was the only one not standing in a circle next to my couch. "Shit." I said. "Excuse me! Stop harassing my quarterback!" Joe's coach yelled at me. Now, we whipped our heads over in the direction of his coach. Joe realized that he was the only one not in formation and that the center couldn't snap the ball without Joe there. "Shit." Joe said.

Finally, Joe and I looked back at each other. "Y'know, our coaches should get married. They're a lot alike." I said as I started to walk backwards. Joe followed my lead and began to walk backwards too. The both of us started to laugh again at what I said before Joe said those three words I didn't expect to hear come out of his mouth, at least not yet. It came out innocently while he looked down at me with that wild smile on his face. The smile dropped from my face and my legs stopped moving as soon as I heard the words 'I love you,' slip between his parted lips.

As soon as Joe realized what he had said and that it startled me, the smile dropped from his face and I could tell he was starting to panic. "I love you." I said without even thinking about it, knowing I truly did love him. Joe raised his eyebrows out of surprise and smiles spread across both of our faces again. Joe began to shake his head in disbelief and I could see him mouth the words 'I love you,' again, not realizing I felt quite the same way. "Any day now!" His coach yelled at him. Snapping out of it, Joe gave me a small wink and then slipped his helmet on and started to jog back over to all of the other players. Turning around, I finally joined my teammates, picking up my Pom poms on the way. Once I reached Mya I looked at her and said slowly, "we just said I love you." I said, still not quite wrapping my head around it. "Yeah, we heard." She said with a small giggle. I realized all of the girls were staring at me. Then I looked behind me to find Joe and saw that he was already looking at me with that soft and perfectly imperfect smile on his face.

End of flashback

Once again all of the air felt like it left my lungs and we both froze, only Joe was prepared to see me this time since he was the one who followed me up here. There was a few seconds of silence between us as I struggled to stand here like this in front of Joe, and then, Joe finally spoke. "You started smoking again?" Joe asked me in a hesitant tone as he gestured to the cigarette resting between my fingers. I couldn't help but let out a small laugh while shaking my head. "You lost the right to ask questions like that a long fucking time ago." I told him as I let out a small scoff and then turned my head back around, breaking eye contact with him.

With another small and upset laugh, I brought the cigarette up and drew in some more smoke. This time, I inhaled longer and held it in my lungs for a few more seconds before I let the smoke out through my parted lips. "I didn't mean it like that- I'm sorry." Joe said. "Whatever, Joe." I told him. There was another period of silence before Joe spoke up once again. "I wasn't expecting to see you here." Joe told me. I quickly turned around and leaned against the railing as I crossed my arms over my chest, making sure not to move to fast and put out my cigarette. "Can we not do this?" I asked him and gestured between the both of us. Joe furrowed his brows while he looked me up and down slightly, confused at what I meant. "We're just talking." He told me.

"Yeah, exactly." I told him and inhaled some more smoke from my cigarette, the feeling providing some much needed comfort that I knew I wasn't going to get from this interaction. "We can't talk? It's been three years." He told me and then stepped closer to me. Three years. Suddenly, three years away from Joe somehow felt way too short in this moment. "You didn't want to talk things through three years ago but you want to talk now? Fuck you Joe." I spat at him while looking him up and down, taking in his perfect hair and cross body he always wore everywhere. Without another word, I turned around slightly and pushed the end of the cigarette into the concrete railing. I watched the ashes scatter and then get caught in the wind before I flicked what was left of the cigarette on the ground and then headed for the door.

“Oh come on, don't- don't be like that." Joe said quickly and then stepped closer to the door so I wasn't able to leave. "Get away from the door. I am so not in the mood right now." I told him, but he still wouldn't move. Joe stood there with his arms cross over his chest, looking down at me with those bright blue eyes that somehow looked more blue than the last time I saw them. "Can we just please talk?" He asked me, his eyebrows slightly upturned as he struggled to come up with a way to keep me up here with him. "About what? What the fuck is there to talk about? Huh?" I asked him angrily. Joe threw his hands up slightly as he tried to come up with something to talk about while I looked at him like he was crazy.

I didn't get why he was trying to keep me on the roof with him so we could talk. Like I said, what was there to talk about? We may have left a lot of things up in the air when he ended things between us by basically telling me he wanted me to move out, but after years of us not seeing each other, I stopped caring. I stopped caring and wondering why he ended things the way he did and, although it took over two years, accepted it for how it was: Joe knew I wasn't good enough for him but didn't know how to tell me, so he decided it was easier to cheat and end things the way he did rather than explain it. No matter how mad I was at him for treating me the way he did in the end, I had truly accepted the fact that I would never find out, so it wasn't fair that he was trying to get me to stay here and talk to him. I didn't deserve that.

"Anything, we can talk about anything. How have you been? How's New York?" He asked me. I let out a small scoff and looked down at my feet as I kicked around the gravel that covered the ground, finding it hard to come up with things to say to him. "New York? Really?" I asked him before I looked back up at him. While I struggled to keep it together and not push past him in order to get to the door, Joe looked down at me with that desperate look in his eyes. After years of being with him, I knew by his expression and body language that he was trying to have a genuine conversation and interaction with me, but he should've known that wasn't possible. "Yeah, how's New York? How's your new job?" He asked me. New job? New job?

Once again, I couldn't help but let out a small scoff as I began to laugh a little bit, not knowing how he even knew that I quit my old job and started working somewhere else. We haven't seen or talked to each other since the breakup and it definitely wasn't a 'staying friends,' kind of breakup. When we ended things, the fact that we wouldn't be able to stay friends was extremely evident and undeniable. We unfollowed each other on all socials, deleted all of our posts together, and, I can't say on behalf of Joe, but got rid of all of the reminders of him. And can you blame me? My boyfriend of around eight years who told me time and time again how much he wanted to marry me, starts distancing himself from me, eventually cheats, and then tells me to move out of the house before I could open my mouth to tell him I was breaking up with him.

I could tell joe was able to read the confused look on my face as I tried to think of how he knew personal things about my life, so without me having to tell him, Joe admitted, "I saw your instagram post a few weeks ago." I brought my hand up towards my mouth and ran my finger across my bottom lip before saying, "get out of my fucking way. I mean it Joe." My gaze quickly went from calm and patient, to upset and agitated as I looked up angrily at him. I knew that if I stayed on this roof with him any longer I wouldn't be able to hold these feelings down and would eventually snap at him, which, if it weren't for the fact that I was here because one of my good friends was getting married, I would have done the second I saw him. Still, Joe stayed right in front of the door, not moving an inch even though I made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with him.

Not breaking eye contact with him, I stepped closer to him until I had to angle my head up in order to not break eye contact. Joe bit the side of his cheek as he looked down at me with a look of regret on his face. I clenched my jaw while glaring up at him and said, "How's Chelsie?" I raised my eyebrows up at him and tilted my head slightly. As soon as Joe heard the name Chelsie, he perked up slightly and opened his mouth to say something but then shut it as soon as he realized he had absolutely nothing to say to me, knowing there wasn't anything he could say that could change the outcome of this interaction. Joe then looked down at the ground, breaking eye contact with me. I could feel tears begin to form in my eyes, so in an attempt to try and hide it from him, I looked away too so that if he looked back up at me, he couldn't see the tears. "Three years and you still can't even talk about her." I told him and then started to walk forwards once more.

Instead of walking into him and pushing him like I so badly wanted to, I instead walked all the way around him to get to the door. My fists were clenched at my sides, making my knuckles white. My eyes were wide and glistening with the tears that I tried so hard not to let roll down my cheeks. As I reached for the door handle, my bottom lip began to quiver ever so slightly so I pulled it between my teeth and bit down on it, hard. My chest rose and fell with my uneven and painful breaths as I tried to push down the sob in my throat. I opened the door but before I walked back inside, I turned my head back around as I blinked quickly, and saw Joe standing in the same spot, frozen, with his head hung low and eyes still fixed on the ground.

Before he could turn around and see me looking back at him, I walked inside and let the door shut behind me. I then leaned on the wall and took a few deep breaths as I struggled so hard to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. After three years I had convinced myself that I hated him. That I didn't feel anything for him because of what he did and most importantly, how he did it. After three years the pain and empty feeling never went away but it got easier to ignore over time. After all of that I knew I should hate him. I should resent him for what he did to me and how he made me feel. Instead of breaking up with me, he cheated, and that crushed me. But, no matter how much I hated him for what he did, I still loved him.

The memories - his belly laugh when his eyes and nose scrunched up, the way he used to say my name, the warmth of his body in my bed - made me feel things for him. They made me feel things for him because in his absence, I didn't get to experience those things anymore. They were just...gone. Even after what he did to me and how hard I've tried to convince myself that I hate him, the love I once felt for him overpowered those feelings. I wasn't able to hate him more than I longed for the feeling of being with him and that was the worse part of it all, because he didn't deserve it.

After a few seconds of trying to collect myself and succeeding at pushing down the sob in my throat, I opened my eyes and then pushed off of the wall and continued down the stairs so I could join Rachel. The entire way back to the area where everyone else was, I tried my hardest to push Joe out of my head, but it was no use. After seeing him today, he was probably going to be in my head for at least a week and I knew I would be seeing him again today and at the wedding in October. It was inevitable, and, as much as I hoped I could get by without seeing him, unavoidable.

As soon as I got back downstairs, I walked towards the bar where Rachel was still at. While I walked over to her, she stood there with a drink in her hand with one of those mini umbrellas in it and a smile on her face as she people watched. Out of the corner of her eye she caught me walking back over to her so she looked over at me immediately and gave me an uncertain look, not knowing what had happened. I knew that when I got to her she would ask a million questions. While, yes, she was my friend, we weren't on a sharing secrets level and she didn't know a single thing about privacy.

Just like I expected, as soon as I reached her she set her drink on the table and asked me all of the things that were going through her head, "girl where did you go with Joe? Are you guys seeing each other again? Did ya'll get back together after he broke up with you? Nobody really knew why you guys broke up." I closed my eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath before opening them back up, hiding my dismay behind a small smile. No. No we aren't seeing each other again and no we aren't back together. He cheated on me. When we broke up we both kept the cheating between us and of course our close friends and families, so not many people here knew about the cheating. The people that did know, however, were currently giving me questionable glances and wondering why Joe followed me out to the roof as well. Yeah, you and me both.

"No, we definitely are not seeing each other again," I told her, although I could see her eyebrows start to furrow slightly in wonder, "we were just catching up. We haven't seen each other in a while." I mean, it wasn't a total lie, Joe at least was acting like he wanted to catch up. I should've known that telling her that wasn't enough to get her to change the subject though. "Why did you guys even break up anyways?" She asked me. With a small sigh, I squinted my eyes a little bit and sucked in my lips slightly. There was no way I was answering her question. All she had to do was wait until someone that knew about the cheating got drunk so she could ask them. Immediately after seeing my facial expression change, she nodded quickly and then gave me a thumbs up. "Got it, changing the subject," she said and then gestured down to her drink, "do you want one?"

I glanced down at what she gestured at and then shook my head quickly, realizing she was offering me alcohol. "Oh, no thank you. I don't drink." I said with a small smile, relieved that we were able to change the subject and that I was able to continue to hide the fact that Joe was a horrible person under that amazing smile and - no, nope. We are so not doing that. "Really? You stopped drinking? You always drank at the high school parties. I mean do you remember getting plastered after prom and falling into the bushes?" She asked me with a laugh after imagining me falling. I started to laugh with her while imagining 18 year old me throwing back so many shots of pink Whitney that I could barely stand up straight and fell into a bush. "Yeah, that's why I quit," I joked with her, "no, but uh- I just don't like drinking. Plus I'm a lightweight so I used to accidentally get drunk a lot during college which only increased my hatred for pink Whitney."

The both of us continued to laugh as we reminisced about our high school and college days. Telling stories of getting drunk on too many random Tuesday's, falling into all sorts of bushes, showing up to exams hungover, showing up to homecoming drunk and getting escorted home. There were so many stories to tell and memories to rehash. So many memories that we forgot about and remembering them only brought light to related stories. The both of us were a laughing mess as we continued to talk for basically the whole night, only leaving to go to the bathroom, partake in a toast, or say hi to people who walked up to us. Although my laughs and smiles were genuine, my mind wasn't completely on our conversations. Sure, I never had trouble focussing on what she said, adding onto a story, or sharing my own, but my eyes kept looking beyond her. To somewhere on the other side of the bar.

Somewhere on the other side of the bar, Joe sat, alone, throwing back drink after drink after drink. The entire time me and Rachel talked about the time we spent together and then the time we spent apart when she chose to go to Ohio University, Joe sat on that same bar stool. There was a look on his face that I couldn't quite place. It may have been our time apart causing me to not pick up on the look, or it may be because i've just never seen it before. But between that tough guy act he was trying to put on and the amount of alcohol he's had in a short period of time, his true feelings were able to surface on his face. It drove me crazy that I couldn't tell what the look meant. I knew I shouldn't let it have any effect on me, but I still let it, knowing that trying to stop myself would only drive me even more crazy.

By the time the bride and groom came by and thanked us all for coming and that they couldn't wait to see us all again in a few months, I was exhausted and couldn't wait to get to my hotel room and pass out. After looking around and seeing all of the people who looked intoxicated, I suddenly realized how grateful I was that I didn't drink and therefore would be able to elude a hangover tomorrow. Rachel and me said our goodbyes and then I headed to the bathroom one final time so I didn't have to stop and go on the drive since my hotel was about 30 minutes away since it was the closest one to the airport. Since there was a big crowd of people leaving, I took my time in the bathroom. If there was anything I hated more than the terrible hangovers I used to have in college, was traffic, and I knew that right now it would be madness out there.

After talking with some girls for about five minutes and then standing in front of the bathroom mirror for another five - fixing my hair and putting on some more lipgloss of course - I finally headed out of the bathroom. As soon as I walked out, I fixed my purse on my shoulder, making sure it wouldn't fall off on the walk outside, and then I looked towards the bar to see Michael. When I looked at him, he perked up immediately and then pushed off of the bar and walked over towards me, looking like he was waiting for me to walk out of the bathroom. Why? I had no idea. I haven't seen him in a few years and even then, we only hung out because I was with....joe. With a small scowl, I stood on my tippy toes and then looked to the right to see him. Joe, still at the bar, sat there with an extremely intoxicated toothy grin on his face. "No. No way." I told him as soon as I looked back over at him, not even needing him to tell me the reason he was looking for me.

"Oh come on you don't even know what I'm going to say." Michael said. I raised an eyebrow slightly up at him and began to stare him down. Eventually, he began to crack. "Someone's gotta take him home, and so far, there's no takers. I literally would not be asking this if it wasn't dire." He told me. "I am so- no, I'm not even sorry. No. I will not take that drunk back to his hotel or wherever he's staying." I said and then went to walk away. I walked past Michael and then stopped as soon as I saw Joe who was looking at me. As soon as he realized I had caught him and was looking back, his face turned a bright shade of red and he quickly looked down at the bar top and started to laugh before covering his face with his hands.

"Why can't you take him back to his hotel?" I asked him as he walked next to my side. The both of us stared at Joe and watched as he began to point at the little stones that were built into the bar top, counting them until he couldn't see any more. "He's a toddler, he's a fucking toddler. I mean the man get's high, he doesn't get drunk. Stick to the thing you know best am I right?" I said, mainly talking to myself, but since Michael was next to me he said, "boys sad- anyways, I can't. My car is going to be full because I'm the dd tonight." When I looked up at him and didn't answer, he added in, "designated driver? Like...I'm the sober one?" I let out a small scoff and then elbowed him in the arm. "I know what a fucking dd is, I'm not stupid." The both of us laughed before we went back to looking over at Joe who was trying not to look at either of us, knowing we were both staring at him.

Alone at the bar sat Joe, drunk and smiling like he was a high school kid who doesn't know how to drink yet, who didn't have a ride home. Not only did he not have a ride home since he wasn't planning on drinking - or at least not this much - but we couldn't call an uber for him. There was no way we could get him into the uber and then expect him to walk into the hotel and know where his room was without help. If we did that, he'd surely be on the news tomorrow with the headline, 'quarterback Joe Burrow found dead in the parking lot of an Athens hotel after friends thought it was okay to call an uber for him when he clearly had way to much to drink,' Okay, it probably wouldn't be exactly like that, but it would be pretty fucking close.

"Fine. But you owe me big time, and I mean paying for my boob job big time. You got it?" I told him hesitantly while scowling up at him. As much as I resented Joe for what he did to me, I couldn't just leave him without anyone knowing what to do with him. "But your boobs are great." He said in a confused tone as he looked down at my chest. "Just shut the fuck up and help me get him into my car at least." I said and punched him in the stomach but couldn't help but laugh with him when he doubled over and laughed.

The both of us headed over to Joe who finally looked up from recounting all of the stones in the bar top that he could see from his position at the bar. When he looked up at us, that blush never left his face as he locked eyes with me. I kept reminding myself that I was doing this, not for Joe, but because I was a good person, which actually kind of helped. "Ok. Come on big man, let's get you to your hotel." Michael said and spun Joe's bar stool around so he was facing us. Joe looked away from me and then up at Michael before he planted both of his feet on the ground and then stood up. When he stood up, I suddenly became more aware of just how tall he was. Now standing, he towered over me and even Michael. I took a step back, not knowing how stable he was on his feet and took a deep breath. Again, those butterflies flew around in my stomach, making me look away from Joe to reel myself back in. You hate him, remember?

"I can drive what do you mean?" Joe said with a laugh and then went to take a step but started to go down, his knee instantly giving out. "Oh my gosh." I said and slapped my hands over my mouth and prepared for Joe to fall to the ground and surely break his nose. Michael, realizing that Joe was going to go down before he even started to, immediately put his hands on his chest and held him upright. "Woah." Joe started to belly laugh as he put his arm around Michael. I dropped my arms down to my sides and then looked up at Joe who laughed like this was the funniest thing ever. "Yeah, so funny." I said in a serious tone. Both Michael and Joe looked down at me as I stood there looking back and forth between the both of them.

"It's funny. You can't lie." Joe told me, still laughing. As I fixed my eyes on Joe and focussed on that toothy smile and the way he rested his hand on his stomach because it hurt to laugh so much, I couldn't help but laugh with him. "See, I told you. You always struggled to be serious around me." Joe said. He said it so simply. So easily. Like it didn't matter to him because he was so drunk and saying random things as the three of us stood here meant nothing. But it was true. There was never a moment where I wasn't smiling or laughing around Joe, even when we fought. I would try to be mad at him over something he did or he would try to be mad at me over something I did but I always ended up laughing in the end which ended the fight before it even could ever really start. It's why we lasted so long- that, or because the fights were really never that serious when we were younger.

I took a few seconds to get my head in the right place again and not think about the past. While I focussed on trying not to think about when Joe and me were together, Michael started to guide a very wobbly Joe to the door who kept tripping over his big feet. During the walk to the door, Joe talked to Michael the entire time but he kept laughing as well. I knew he would regret this in the morning, but for now, it was extremely funny to see him like this. "Are you coming?" Joe asked me, turning his head back towards me as they reached the door. Snapping out of it, I nodded quickly and then walked towards them. "Duh, I have to drive your drunk ass." I said with a small eye roll, but I couldn't help but smile once I reached him and looked into those blue eyes.

After reaching the door, I opened it up and then held the door so Michael could focus on getting Joe to my car without any accidents. The last thing we needed was for Joe to fall and break his nose, or even worse, mess up his wrist again. “I wanna get high right now," Joe mumbled as he walked next to Michael who appeared to be struggling slightly, "Hey, do you guys -guy and lady - want to smoke a joint with me?" I closed the door behind them and then directed them to where my car was parked. Of course I got here late and therefore was parked extremely far away. "The last thing you need is to be crossed buddy." Michael chuckled as he walked. "Joe...the last time you got crossed you threw up all over my dorm room. Let's not do that." I said, thinking back to when I had to scrub for hours on my hands and knees in order to rid my dorm room of the horrid smell. Plus, the college fined me for it since the stain never fully came out, although Joe gladly paid for it.

Joe gasped at what I said, obviously forgetting that that happened. "I remember that! You acted like you were so mad at me." Joe laughed. While we walked, Joe looked at me with those slow to react, red and dazed eyes with those dilated pupils I always loved to look at when he got drunk. It was hard not to stare at him as he lost his balance frequently yet somehow continued to look at me with that face that always put butterflies in my stomach: the one I fell for. I would never admit it to anyone, but Joseph Lee Burrow still made my cheeks turn a shade of red and butterflies swarm in my stomach: both of which were feelings I hated now because it was Joe who was always the one to conjure them up. "I didn't act like I was mad at you, Joseph, I was mad." I said.

When we reached the car, I unlocked the doors and then began to walk in front of Michael and Joe in order to get to the passenger side door and open it up. "No you- you weren't. Liar." Joe said but then immediately after his foot got wrapped up in Michael's foot. I let out a small gasp as Joe and Michael started to stumble forwards, only to get caught by Michael who regained his footing and continued to try his absolute hardest to keep Joe upright. Not only was Joe significantly taller than Michael, but he was also significantly heavier due to his job. "Oh my gosh, Michael are you okay?" I asked Michael who was straining while bringing Joe around the front of my car.

Once I reached the passenger side, I opened the door and then grabbed ahold of Joes arm and guided him towards the door. "Wow, thanks for asking if I'm okay- oh shit guys I just forgot something." Joe said. I rolled my eyes but continued to look up at Michael who gave me a reassuring nod. "You wouldn't even feel it if you fell. Tomorrow though, tomorrow's another story." I said. When Michael got Joe close enough to the car, he helped Joe get into it. There were many words I could use to describe what it was like to watch Michael practically shove Joe into my car. Graceful and quick were definitely not ones I could use though. "What did you forget?" I asked him and then grabbed ahold of his seat belt and pulled it halfway across his chest. After reaching up, Joe grabbed the seatbelt and then pulled it the rest of the way before clicking it into place.

Both me and Michael stepped back and waited for Joe to tell us that he forgot his phone or wallet inside so we could go and grab it. But, looking into his eyes, I could tell that it was something he felt bad about. Even though he was drunk and probably wouldn't remember some events that occurred here tomorrow, he was still able to realize the thing that he was about to tell me would probably not make me feel too good, which only made me even more nervous. "C'mon, it's getting late." Michael said, leaning on the car door. I looked up at Michael who was looking back and forth between Joe and then somewhere else in the parking lot. I could only assume he was looking at his car full of intoxicated people who were also waiting for a ride home.

"I didn't book a hotel for tonight." He said, slurring over his words like crazy as his right leg that was dangling out of my car swung back and forth. My eyes then looked up and I noticed he was rubbing his hands together and messing with the bracelets on his hands.  He was always fidgety, especially when he was nervous or anxious about something. "That's okay, most allow walk ins." I told him, trying to reassure him since I didn't know if that was the thing that was making him on edge. "I'm staying at my parent's house." He said. My heart immediately dropped in my chest and I dropped my eyes to the ground, not able to look at Joe right now.

Seeing Joe today after not seeing him for three years was a lot. Hell, more than a lot. It was a miracle that I didn't up and leave the second I saw Joe. But now I have to face his parents who I also haven't seen in three years? How could I possibly do that? It was easier being around Joe now. He was drunk which made him forget about all the bad blood between us- the bad blood being mainly the cheating, of course. But his parents, on the other hand, were completely sober and thinking clearly, and I knew for 100% certain that I would be the last person they would ever expect to see with their son again. When I came by for the last time to pack up my remaining possessions over their house, they were so extremely kind and sympathetic. They understood me not wanting to ever give Joe a second chance and most importantly they themselves didn't want me to. But that was it. We haven't contacted each other or seen each other since then. How was I going to face Joe and his parents in the same day?

While I was stuck in my own head and thinking about what it would be like to see them again and hope they wouldn't think I had moved on from the cheating, I felt a hand on my arm and was pulled back to reality. I looked to my right to see Michael who was now standing next to me with a hand on my arm. "I can find someone to take him home, it's okay. I shouldn't have asked you." He said, realizing how nervous I was to see them. I would love nothing more than for someone else to take Joe home. For them to take him home and never have to see them again, because I knew even just looking at them would bring back memories I wanted to keep buried deep down inside of me.

But I was already here with Joe and everyone was leaving. If anyone was going to take Joe to his parent's house and explain to them why he was so incredibly drunk for a get together before a friends wedding, it should be someone they know and trust. So, I pushed down all of the thoughts that told me to take the out and get the hell away from here and looked up at Michael. "It's fine. He's already in my car." I said. Still, Michael looked down at me with a small frown, not fully convinced that I was fine with taking Joe to his parent's house. "Truly, it's fine. I'm probably over reacting anyways." I said. He began to shake his head while stepping away from me. I watched as he shoved Joe's leg back in the car and then shut the door.

“You're not overreacting. Everything you felt and still feel are completely validated after what he did to you." Michael said. I looked over at the car window and saw Joe pressing his forehead up to the glass and staring at us while me and Michael talked. "Thank you Michael." I said, but was hoping he would leave so I wouldn't have to keep being reminded of that night. My facial expression must've given it away because he nodded and then gestured over to Joe. "Drive safe and please text me when you get back to your hotel so I know you made it safely." He said. "Yeah of course. Wish me luck." I said with a small laugh and then followed him when he started to walk around the front of my car but looked at me the entire time.

"Good luck," He said with a small laugh but before I could open up my car door he said, "if I don't say this now I never will- I know it's bad timing but uh- would- would you want to get dinner or lunch before you leave for New York tomorrow?" I froze in place with my eyes glued to his. I didn't move and I barely breathed for a few seconds while I tried to think of a response. Sure, I've hooked up with people since the breakup, but I haven't dated. I've tried to convince myself to start dating again, but ever since Joe I haven't been able to let my guard down enough to let a new person in. I'm so afraid of getting hurt again that I haven't let anyone get close to me. So I've had random hookups while trying to work on myself, which, even after three years, hasn't seemed to fucking work.

After I hesitated for a second too long, Michael got the hint and started to walk backwards. "I'll take that as a no," he laughed and then when I opened my mouth to say something he added, "no hard feelings. Don't forget to text me." I watched him as he turned around and headed over to his car which was full of people. There was even someone laying across everyone's lap due to there not being enough room in his three row suv. "You idiot." I told myself and then turned around. Opening up my car door, I quickly hopped in without looking at Joe and then buckled up. Finally, I looked to my right and made eye contact with Joe who was staring at me intently. "Can we get Taco Bell? I really want Taco Bell." He said and began to rub his stomach. "Sure. What do you want?" I asked him and then put my car in drive. "Uhhh- uhhhh- ooh...well- uhhh." He said and continued on with that for a few seconds before I stopped him. "A large nacho fry, chicken quesadilla, spicy soft potato taco, a crunch wrap supreme, and 13 packets of hot sauce?" I asked him.

All throughout high school and then the years we spent together in college before he went to Louisiana, Taco Bell was always the food we got when we were drunk. It started our sophomore year of high school when our parents let us get drunk for the first time on my birthday. Jimmy and my dad went to get Taco Bell for Joe and I and when they came back with bags full of tacos, fries, and burritos, we ate so much food that we both got terrible stomach aches and passed out drunk on the couch together. After that day Taco Bell became a staple food for when we got drunk, which is why I know Joe's order down to the exact number of hot sauce packets.

"Wow- I mean...wow. You're good. You're really good." He said, his eyes wide and mouth open. "You really think I could forget an order that good?" I laughed and then started driving. Joe and I talked non stop the whole way to Taco Bell which was in the opposite direction of his house. Per usual, he was extremely chatty since he was drunk and rambled on about anything and everything, which made the car ride extremely entertaining. On the way to Joe's house, Joe scarfed down the food so instead of sitting in silence that was surprisingly not awkward, I turned on the radio and flipped through a couple of channels before a Taylor Swift song started playing. I didn't recognize it at first, but when I did, my heart sank in my chest when I listened to the lyrics.

‘I feel so high school every time I look at you. I wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you.’

‘And in a blink of a crinkling eye. I'm sinking, our fingers entwined.’

‘From smoking your jokes all damn night. The brink of a wrinkle in time. Bittersweet sixteen suddenly.’

Tears started to fill my eyes. I didn't blink. I didn't fight the tears. I didn't even reach forwards to change the channel. It reminded me of high school. Of meeting Joe and falling in love with him. All of the memories we shared together. I gripped the wheel tighter as memories started to flood my head again, which went unnoticed by Joe who was sitting next to me preoccupied with his Taco Bell.

'Cause I feel so high school every time I look at you'

I wiped away a tear that escaped and began to roll down my cheek.

Flashback- senior year

"Then pull me to the backseat. No one's ever had me...not like you."

"What are you doing?" I asked and began to look around as soon as Joe pulled into an empty parking lot. I furrowed my eyebrows and then looked over to check if any of his dashboard lights were lit up. When I didn't see any of them lit up to indicate that something was wrong with the car, I looked over at Joe as soon as he parked the car in the back of the parking lot. "I just don't want to drop you off yet. As soon as I drop you off that means I'm not going to be able to see you for a week." Joe said as he looked over at me. His hand that was still on my thigh began to squeeze gently. The look in his eyes made me roll mine and I shook my head at him. "Joseph Lee Burrow there's going to be cell service in Florida." I said. I couldn't help but let out a small laugh when he stuck out his bottom lip jokingly. "Florida...don't remind me."

For my senior trip my parents were taking me to Florida for a week. It may not feel like a long time, especially for a high school couple, but in the four years we've been together we haven't been apart for longer than two days. We tried to convince my parents as well as Joe's parents to let Joe come with us. We even suggested that both of our families could go together. But we were of course turned down, which meant I was going without Joe. "I guess it's a good thing I'm going to Ohio state too. I don't think I can do long distance." I told him. I reached up and wrapped my arm around his neck and began to run my fingers through his soft hair. With a small hum of approval, Joe smiled and then gave my thigh another squeeze. "I wouldn't let go you to another college. We're sticking together. Forever." He told me.

"Good. Then after college you'll be in the NFL and we'll have our house we always talk about." I said. Even thinking about our future and what it would look like - no matter how uncertain and unpredictable - always made me so excited. There were so many possibilities. So many ups and downs that were waiting for us. But through it all one thing I knew for certain was that we would come out on the other side of it together. "And you'll be on the sidelines cheering me on." He said with the biggest smile ever. I couldn't help but giggle when I saw that adorable smile on his face and the way it made the skin around the corners of his eyes bunch up. We held eye contact for a few seconds before Joe reached up and placed his hand gently on the side of my face.

With the thumb that was resting on my face, he began to swipe it gently across my cheek. My breathing picked up and my heartbeat sped up in my chest. The car was silent whereas my head was loud with the many thoughts that were running through it. I blinked quickly and before I knew it, I leaned forwards and pressed my lips to his. After realizing I was thinking the same thing as him, Joe leaned over towards me some more and tangled his hand in my hair, kissing me back deeply. The smell of Joe's cologne filled my nose as I took a small breath in through my nose and tugged gently at the hair on the back of his head. While Joe kept his one hand tangled in my hair, I dropped my one hand down and grabbed ahold of his shirt and yanked him closer to me.

All of a sudden I felt Joes tongue swipe gently across my bottom lip so I parted my lips more. I let out a small hum when I felt Joe's tongue glide against mine. I loved to let Joe take the lead with these things. He was always so good at it; always knew what to do with his hands, his tongue, and he always knew when to push things farther. But today, I wanted something different. I wanted more. Instead of letting Joe take the lead, I gently bit at his bottom lip which made him groan into the kiss. "Hey Joe?" I asked as best as I could into the kiss, not wanting to part just yet. "Mhm?" He asked me into the kiss as well. "Can I tell you something?" I asked him. As soon as I said this Joe pulled back and his eyes opened up. "Anything. What is it? Did I do something wrong?" He asked me.

In the four years we've been together we haven't had sex. Not once. When we first got together we were both freshman and the both of us were still virgins. Sure, we've gone to first and second, but we haven't gone to third and all the way before. It wasn't Joe, it was me. I knew Joe thought about it a lot. I mean how could he not? I knew he was thinking about it every time I made him get hard and I knew he was probably thinking about it right now, though he would never bring it up in fear that he would pressure me into it. For a while I didn't think I would ever be ready, not even to give him a blow job, but now we were both 18, and, sitting in the car with him, knowing that I fully trust Joe with my entire being, I suddenly felt ready. After four years together Joe knew everything about me and I knew everything about him, so there was no one I trusted more with this than him.

After a few moments of silence, I finally spoke up after knowing this was truly what I wanted. "I think I'm ready. For...that." I told him quietly, suddenly feeling nervous to actually come out and say it. As soon as I said this, Joe's eyes widened some and he swallowed hard. "Like- like ready ready? For sex?" He asked me. The way he looked at me with those wide and never blinking eyes made me even more nervous, like I was being interrogated by him, and suddenly I felt like he didn't want this. Was I crazy for asking him to take my virginity now? "Maybe? Are you?" I said, accidentally making it seem like a question than an answer. The way Joe's eyes lit up made me let out a small laugh of relief, realizing that he also wanted this and that I wasn't crazy. "Of course I'm ready. I can't stop thinking about it," He told me, though I could hear a hint of uneasiness in his voice, "but I don't want you to feel pressured into it just because I pulled into this empty parking lot. I promise this wasn't my intention."

"I know it wasn't. This is the first time I have ever truly been ready." I told him. Joe let out a sigh of relief and then began to fidget a little bit. "I know you know I've never done this before either but uh.... I'm not 100% sure what to do. I just want to make sure you feel good." He said with a small unsure laugh. As soon as I realized that he was also nervous, I let out a small laugh and then shrugged, "Me either. We can be clueless together." Joe took a small deep breath and then opened up the center console. I furrowed my eyebrows and watched as he grabbed out his wallet from inside of it. "I don't want to mess this up. Or hurt you. What if I hurt you? I heard it hurts when girls have sex for the first time." He told me.

I reached forwards and ran my fingers through his hair which instantly pulled him out of his thoughts. Those blue eyes quickly met mine again and when he saw my calm ones, I could see the tension leave his face and shoulders. "We'll figure it out together, okay?" I asked him. With a small nod, Joe opened up his wallet. Something fell out from it and landed on the center console and when I looked down I noticed that it was a condom. A small laugh fell from my lips as soon as I realized that Joe had been carrying a condom with him wherever he went just in case a moment like this ever happened. "Wallet condom." Joe said with a small wink.

As carefully as we could, the both of us slipped into the small backseat. I laid flat on the seats and once Joe got into the back with me he rested over top of me and placed both of his forearms on either side of my head and kissed my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and began to run my fingers through his hair and occasionally tug at his locks. While we kissed I could feel his dick pressing up against one of my legs so I lifted up my leg some more to put some more pressure on it. From the feeling Joe instantly let out a small groan into the kiss and began to roll his hips gently into my leg to find any relief he could. Joes lips then left mine and began to trail along my jaw and then down to my neck where he began to place open mouthed kisses. When he got to a certain spot on my neck, he began to suck gently, making me let out small sighs.

My core began to ache and I could feel my own arousal soaking through my panties. "I need you Joe." I sighed out, tucking hard at his hair on the back of his head. As soon as I said this, Joe removed one of his arms from next to my head and moved it down until it disappeared under us. I then felt his hand rubbing against my clothed clit. I angled my hips up and let out an anticipatory moan while he put the perfect amount of pressure on my aching bundle of nerves. Reaching down myself, I unbuttoned and unzipped the jeans I was wearing and began to pull them down. When Joe realized what I was doing he sat up and then grabbed the sides of my pants, so I lifted my butt up so he could slide them all the way off.

Once they were off his eyes trailed up and down my entire body, starting at my face and going all the way down to my red panties. After a few seconds, Joe trailed his eyes back up to meet mine where he maintained eye contact with me while he began to move his hand up my thigh. A small breath hitched in my throat once his hand inched closer and closer to my core. With his thumb, Joe put the smallest amount of pressure on my clit and began to rub the tiniest circles around it. I let out a sigh and bit down on my bottom lip, my eyes locked on his hand. Meanwhile, Joe kept his eyes on mine the entire time, trying to read my facial expression. "Can I take them off?" Joe asked quietly, gesturing down to my red panties.

"Yes please." I said. Instantly, my face started to flush red as soon as I realized what I had said. Yes please. Yes please? Why would I say that? Realizing that I was embarrassed by what I said, Joe removed his thumb and then placed both of his hands on my thighs and gave them a small squeeze while chuckling. "I guess I have to get better at my dirty talk." I said with a small laugh. No matter what I said or what Joe said that may have embarrassed us, I was so comfortable in this moment with him. When I used to think about having sex with him, I never realized that the first time didn't have to be awkward or uncomfortable. "You're perfect." Joe shook his head at what I said, not wanting me to try and change in the slightest just because I thought he would like it more.

While maintaining eye contact, Joe hooked his fingers around the sides of my panties and then began to pull them down. Like with my pants, I lifted my butt up a little bit, and once I did he was able to remove them completely. Once I was only left in a shirt, I propped myself up on my elbows. Now in this position I could see how uncomfortable Joe's position looked in this car. With Joe being tall and the car being, well, small, he had to get a little creative with the way he was positioned. Although he looked a little uncomfortable because of the position he was in, it seemed like that was the least of his worries.

"Can I touch you?" He asked me. When I nodded quickly in anticipation, Joe looked down between us and then slid his two fingers through my folds, gathering my arousal on his fingers. After running through and along my folds, he moved them up and then gently rubbed a few small circles onto my clit. I let out a sigh and gripped ahold of my shirt tightly since I needed something to squeeze and it was the closest thing. Then, he removed his fingers from my clit and then slid them back through my folds until I could feel them tease at my entrance. My breathing picked up and the anticipation inside of me grew as soon I could feel his fingers get closer to my entrance.

Before I was able to speak up and tell him he could continue, Joe carefully sunk his middle finger inside of me and then began to work it in and out of me while curling it up so the pad of his finger pressed up against my walls. I let out a small whimper and as soon as Joe heard, he looked up into my eyes in order to read my expression and know if it was too much or if I was enjoying it. When he realized I was enjoying it, he slowly slid his ring finger inside of me as well. I dug my heels into the seat and let out a breathy moan as he pushed his fingers deep inside of me after I got used to the feeling of having two of his fingers inside of me. "Does this feel okay?" Joe asked me. I nodded quickly and bit down on my lip hard, putting more pressure on it every time his fingers curled upwards and pressed against my soft wall.

While he worked his fingers inside of me, he placed his thumb on my clit again and began to rub gentle circles into it. The initial feeling made me arch my back and I couldn't help but reach down and grab ahold of Joe's forearm. "Joe." I moaned out. Once again Joe studied my face some more before his head lowered between my legs. When his head dropped down, he removed his thumb from my clit. I let out a groan, craving that feeling again, but then I felt his tongue flick over my aching bud instead. "Holy shit." I gasped and fell back against the seat, unable to keep myself propped up any longer. My knuckles were white from gripping ahold of my shirt so tightly and I continued to arch my back.

When the pleasure completely consumed me and made my eyes roll into the back of my head, I began to fidget under Joe and move my hips away from his mouth unintentionally. To stop me from moving, Joe repositioned himself and placed his other hand on my hip to stop me from moving. Once I was unable to move, Joe sunk his fingers deeper inside of me and curled them up even more, putting more pressure on my walls than ever before. "Don't stop." I moaned out. As soon as I could feel a small knot in my stomach, Joe put his mouth around my clit and started to suck gentle at it. "Holy." I moaned out. I reached up and covered my mouth with my hand in order to try and quiet myself down a little bit, but it only muffled my moans slightly.

The knot in my stomach started to build and build until my eyes were completely in the back of my head and I could feel my head begin to move forwards and backwards unintentionally. With one more thrust and curl of Joe's fingers with his mouth still on my clit, I stopped teetering on the edge and let go of the knot in my stomach. I let out a loud moan as my legs and then whole body began to tremble under Joe who continued to thrust his fingers inside of me and flick his tongue over my clit, allowing me to ride out my high as long as possible. Once I came down from my high, my whole body went limp. Whimpers escaped through my parted lips and Joe slid his fingers out of me and then looked up at me as soon as he knew I came down from my high. "Holy shit, Joe." I breathed out and propped myself up on my elbows once again to look at him better.

"Was that okay?" Joe asked me, rubbing his hand up and down my thigh. I couldn't help but let out a small laugh as soon as he asked me this. "That was better than okay." I sat up a little bit and pressed my lips to his. Joe let out a sigh into the kiss and then placed his hand on my shoulder and pushed me down gently until I was laying flat across the seats again. Joe's hand reached up and tangled in my hair and his tongue slid across my lower lip. I parted my lips and immediately Joe pressed his tongue to mine. One of Joe's hands was tangled in my hair and the other one was on my hip, digging his fingers into my skin.

A few minutes passed and my core began to clench down around nothing, and I could feel my own arousal coating the inside of my thighs. I let out a small sigh into the kiss and then gently pushed his shoulders back until he realized what I was doing and leaned back. Those blue eyes looked deeply into mine which made my cheeks flush red. My nerves were still high, but after calming myself down by looking into his calm eyes, I built up the courage to move forward. "I'm ready Joe." I told him quietly. I ran my hand over Joe's arm and then shoulder before reaching behind him and running my fingers through his hair. "Tell me if it hurts or if you're uncomfortable at any point and I'll stop. Okay?" He asked me. "Okay."

Joe sat up so he wasn't over top of me anymore and in one swift motion removed his shirt and then unzipped and unbuttoned his pants. Since the backseat was very tight, it took a little bit for him to take his pants off, but once he did he threw them on the floor. My eyes trailed over his entire body until they reached the large bulge in his boxers, then I froze. I blinked quickly at the size of it and then looked up into his eyes immediately after. Upon realizing why I suddenly looked more nervous, Joe struggled to hold back a smile while he pulled down his boxers. As soon as Joe freed himself from his boxers, his dick sprung free but then became weighed down by the size of it.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from his dick as Joe reached for the center console and grabbed the 'wallet condom' he always carried with him just in case a moment like this ever came. The swollen and red tip of his dick was already dotted with precum and I couldn't stop a shuttered breath from slipping through my lips. I imagined myself reaching down and wrapping my hand around the base of his dick. Sliding my hand up and down and running my thumb along that long vein that started at the tip and went all the way down to the base. Just as I was about to reach down and do what I was imagining, I chickened out in fear of doing the wrong thing. "I promise you, anything you do is going to feel good." Joe said after reading my facial expression. I looked up quickly into his eyes, not realizing he caught me staring, and instantly got nervous since I had no clue what to do.

"I don't- I don't know what to do." I told him. With a small chuckle at how unsure I was, Joe reached towards me and then gently grabbed ahold of my hand. I watched as he turned my hand so my palm was facing up and then brought it up towards my face. "Spit." He instructed. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked back and forth between him and my hand. "The fuck?" I asked him, having no idea why he would want me to spit into my hand. Joe gave me a small nod in response which confirmed that he meant exactly what he said. He wanted me to spit in my hand. "Okay then." With a small sigh, I leaned my head forwards slightly and then spit into my palm.

Once the warm spit was in my palm, Joe looked down at it but then a small smile spread across his face. I quickly looked between him and then the spit in my palm. Was that not what I was supposed to do? "That's all?" Joe asked with a small chuckle. Upon realizing that I in fact did what he wanted but just not satisfactory enough for him, I rolled my eyes and then flicked his arm. "Shut up." I laughed. With a laugh, Joe raised my hand up and then, while maintaining eye contact with me, spit directly into my palm so his saliva mixed with mine. Once again my core clenched down around nothing and the pulsating sensation got stronger. To find any relief I could, I pushed my thighs together and immediately let out a small sigh of relief.

"Like this." He told me and then guided my hand down to his dick. I let him guide my hand where he wanted it and then he wrapped my hand around the base of his dick. At the feeling, Joe let out a quiet groan and then he began to slide my hand up and down. The mixture of our spit in my palm spread from tip to base as he helped me, and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Joe moved my hand up and down in a steady motion while letting out soft groans unintentionally. Every once in a while his hips buckled and thrusted back into my hand gently. After he guided my hand a few more times, I began to move my own hand the way I wanted, so Joe removed his and let me take control. Now that I could control what I was doing, I copied the movements Joe did but this time put a little more pressure as I made my way down to the base and twisted my hand ever so slightly.

A soft groan left Joe's lips and he quickly grabbed ahold of the head rest tightly in order to fight the urge to thrust into my hand. Though he wasn't used to it, he wanted to let me have full control. I furrowed my eyebrows in concentration and bit down on my bottom lip, trying to think of a way to make Joe feel good. Upon reaching the tip again, I began to shorten my strokes and then I took my thumb and rubbed a small circle across the tip of his dick, spreading the precum around the entirety of the tip. "Fuck." Joe groaned out and then quickly reached down and grabbed ahold of my wrist. "I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?" I asked quickly, immediately releasing my hand from his dick.

Joe immediately let out a sigh of relief as soon as I let go but then he shook his head at what I asked him. "No, the opposite actually." Joe said with a small chuckle and then dug his fingers into my hip. After taking in my confused expression, Joe leaned down and placed a small kiss on the base of my throat and then trailed open mouthed kisses up my neck until he was close to my ear. "A few more seconds and you were going to make me cum already." Joe whispered into my ear. I let out a small sigh and pressed my thighs together even tighter to relief the strong aching in my core that kept intensifying. "I need you, Joe." I breathed out. Joe leaned back and then looked into my eyes, his expression getting serious all of a sudden.

"Please tell me if it hurts too much or if you're uncomfortable." Joe said and then grabbed the condom and ripped the package open, careful not to rip the condom inside of it. "Okay. Can you go slow?" I asked him, getting a little more nervous that it would hurt. "I'll go slow, I promise." He told me and placed a small kiss on my temple. Once he took the condom out of the package he brought his hand down and then slid the condom onto the length of his dick. I kept my eyes on his dick until it was all the way on and then he leaned down so he was over top of me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and bit down on my bottom lip until it started to hurt, trying to take my mind off of the pain I was about to feel initially.

"Are you ready?" Joe asked me, looking a little bit nervous, but as the same time he's never looked more ready to do something. The look he was unintentionally giving me as his eyes stared straight into mine made me even wetter and I nodded quickly. My own arousal was practically getting on the seat under me, but right now that was the absolute least of our worries. As soon as Joe saw my nod of approval that let him know I was ready, he reached down and at the same time looked down as well. I knew he was aligning himself up with my entrance so I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled slightly while I took deep breathes, trying not to tense up since I knew it would only make it hurt more. Then I could feel the tip of his dick press against my clit. I sucked in a small breath and let it out as a small sigh while Joe guided his dick through my slick folds until I knew he was aligned with my entrance.

Then, I could feel the tip of his dick start to push inside of me. Once Joe was inside of me a little bit he once again returned fully over top of me and looked into my eyes so he could tell if he was hurting me. After he was overtop of me, he started to move his hips and I could feel his dick push further inside of me. I let out a small cry and sealed my eyes shut from the pain of being stretched out. As soon as he knew I was in pain he pulled out of me slightly so only the tip of his dick was inside of me. Unlike the pain it caused me, Joe let out a groan at the feeling my walls around his dick created but then he placed his thumb on my bottom lip and pulled it down slightly. "Look at me baby. Are you okay?" He asked me. I grabbed ahold of his arm and then opened up my eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm okay. Just keep going slow please." I told him. Even though it hurt, I wanted this. I wanted him. I wanted him more than anything.

Joe nodded slowly and then began to push father inside of my walls. Another deep groan fell from Joe's lips and a moan slipped past mine. I lifted up my head from the seat and hid it in the crook of Joe's neck, trying my hardest to wait until the pain went away. "I'm sorry." Joe told me. I knew he hated that right now this only felt good for him and was only causing me pain. And a lot of pain at that. Just as he said this he started to push inside of me a little bit more, but pain started to radiate through me. I winced and shook my head, so Joe immediately stopped. "Okay-okay. I won't go in any further." Joe said. I took a deep breath and then forced my head back down on the seat where it originally was. Joe continued to keep his eyes on my face so he could see if anything was causing me too much pain.

Although it felt like I was being stretched to my limit, I nodded up at Joe. Reluctantly, Joe started to roll his hips into me, thrusting slowly into me, but only with the length of his dick that I could take. Instead of running my fingers through his hair, I put them on his back and shoulders and dug my finger nails into his skin so hard that I knew I was leaving red streaks and maybe even blood in their wake. Looking into Joes blue eyes, I could tell he was trying not to show me how good this felt for him since he knew it wasn't fun for me right now. But, after a few minutes of trying to focus on taking deep breaths in order to not be tense, the uncomfortable stretch and aching pain that never left and intensified with every small and slow thrust of his hips, started to go away while he kissed my jaw and neck.

As soon as some of the pain and uncomfortable feeling of being overly stretched and full was replaced with something else, something that felt good, almost intoxicating, it was like Joe knew. Joe could read my facial expression and even more than that he could feel my walls relax around him - still clenched around him, just not as tense. For the first time since Joe's been inside of me, I let out my first small gasp of pleasure. "Holy fuck." I moaned out quietly, noticing that as soon as I started to feel good even more of that uncomfortable pain went away. I looked down to where we were connected and I noticed just how little Joe was inside of me. "I can take more." I told Joe. Joe instantly pulled back away from my neck and looked into my eyes. "Are you sure?" He asked me.

Instead of being flat and uncomfortable on the back seat, I lifted my legs and put them around Joe's waist. "Mhm." I said, now needing more of him. I wanted to see just how good he could make me feel and how much more of him I could take. One of Joe's hands was placed on my thigh in order to keep it around his waist and the other he rested near my head. I could feel joe's fingers dig into the skin on my thigh and rub up and down, like he was trying so hard to stay grounded. All of a sudden Joe rolled his hips into mine with a deep groan, and went deeper than before. I let out a loud moan and arched my back instantly. "Fuck- don't stop." I moaned out as he started to find a good rhythm with his hips. It wasn't fast, but it also wasn't as slow as it previously was.

With each roll of his hips into me, the tip of his dick hit my g spot, causing me to angle my head up and let out loud and open mouthed moans. I knew Joe's eyes were focused on my face the entire time in order to see if a change in position felt better for me or if I was in pain, but I struggled to keep my eyes on him. That was until I looked at him and saw the look on his face. Joe's lips were parted slightly and with each roll of his hips his bottom lip trembled slightly and he let out small groans. His eyebrows were drawn together in a deep furrow. His eyes unintentionally fluttered closed occasionally before he forced himself to open them back up and look into my eyes. It almost looked like he was in pain, but it was only because this was the most pleasure he's ever felt, and he was trying to stop himself from losing control.

I put one hand on Joe's waist and pulled him closer to me and with the other I slid my fingers through his hand and then pulled his head down and pressed my lips to his. Once he sunk deeper inside of me, I let out a moan into the kiss and furrowed my eyebrows before Joe pressed his tongue to mine. When our lips parted - and while making eye contact with Joe - I bit down on Joe's bottom lip gently and pulled at it a little bit. Joe let out a groan and in response thrusted into me a little harder. The tip of his dick hit my g- spot even harder and made me let out a loud moan, making me drop his lip. The way he filled me up and stretched me out perfectly every time he thrusted inside of me made my eyes roll into the back of my head.

Pure ecstasy coursed through my veins and in no time, that all too familiar knot came back, but this time it felt like it was all throughout my entire body. Able to tell based on the way I reacted, Joe dropped his hand down and began to rub gentle and slow circles onto my aching and puffy clit. "Oh my gosh." I practically cried out at the feeling of him rubbing my clit and thrusting inside of me. "Cum for me baby. Let go." Joe groaned. I let the feeling in my whole body consume me until I tensed up and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. I let out a few gasps and then I fell over the edge. A loud moan fell from my lips and at the same time I could feel a twitch inside of me followed by Joe letting out a loud groan into my ear. "Fuck." Joe groaned loudly.

My legs fell off of joes waist and landed on the seat under me and my whole body began to tremble underneath of Joe. While whimpers left my mouth, Joe practically collapsed on me as he breathed deeply next to my ear. In order not to crush me, Joe tried to hold himself up, but I could tell he was so out of it right now. Once we both came down from our climax's, Joe pulled out of me and then he leaned back on his heels. "Oh my gosh." I said quietly while looking into his tired eyes. I couldn't help but laugh at the look on his face and that delirious smile. "Fuck- That was amazing." Joe breathed out as he ran his fingers through his sweaty hair. "Fuck- I know." I said, copying him. The both of us continued to breathe heavily in the back seat of the car.

After a few minutes Joe helped to clean me up as best as we could and then we put our clothes back on and repositioned ourselves so Joe was sitting on the seat and I was laying with my head in his lap. The both of us gazed into each other's eyes while Joe ran his fingers through my hair. "Are you okay? Are you in pain?" He asked me, scanning his eyes over my body. "Little sore, but I feel good." I hummed, trying my hardest not to fall asleep in joe's lap while we were parked in an abandoned parking lot. There was a moment of silence between us as we continued to hold eye contact, the both of us just soaking up this moment and thinking about what just happened. "I love you so much, Joe. I'm so glad the bottle landed on me." I told him, breaking the silence. "I'm glad it landed on you too. I love you- always."

End of flashback.

I quickly reached forwards and skipped the song, forcing myself to be pulled back to reality. My mind couldn't stop thinking about what Joe and I used to have- what he ruined. Then, I was pulled from my thoughts when Joe said, "T-thanks for skipping that s-song." He said. With a small sigh, I looked over at Joe. His whole demeanor had changed. Instead of being lighthearted and carefree, he looked...sad. I looked back and forth between him and the road and soon realized that, just like me, that song brought up a lot of memories he would rather forget. I know that Joe regrets the way things went down. I didn't know if he wished things ended differently or didn't end all, but I did know that those memories still hurt him.

All of a sudden, his facial expression changed. Instead of that once tan skin, his face was pale and his lips were pressed into a thin tight line. Joe's jaw clenched over and over again and he continuously swallowed - hard - like he was trying to stop the inevitable. "Joe?" I asked, knowing exactly what was about to happen. Joe didn't answer, all he did was stare down at the ground with a worried look on his face while shaking his head. "It's okay." I said and then without a second thought, I pulled over on the side of the road - which thankfully wasn't busy at all - and reached into the backseat. Knowing Joe couldn't hold it in any longer, I quickly grabbed the trash can I always had in my car and then handed it to Joe.

As soon as he had it in his hands, Joe lurched forwards and began to throw up into the trash can. My face scrunched up unconsciously and I placed my hand on Joe's back and started to rub gentle circles into it. "There you go. Get all of it out. It's okay." I said, trying to soothe him as best as I could, knowing he absolutely hated throwing up or watching other people throw up. My stomach began to turn at the sound and smell as he puked up all of the contents in his stomach, but I continued to stay close to him and rub his back like I always used to do. Suddenly, Joe reached for my other hand. I pulled away instinctively and looked down at his hand as it closed around nothing. With a small sigh, I placed my hand on his. Before he threw up again, he wrapped his hand around mine and gave it a squeeze before throwing up some more.

Joe began to mumble inaudible things into the trash can, his voice sounding so pitiful. I knew he felt terrible so I began to rub his back harder. "It's okay. Better in my trash can than in your bed or your parent's carpet." I said. "But it stinks." He said, finally something I could understand. I began to laugh while continuing to rub his back. "You're right about that," I said but then got more serious, "it's okay Joe. Just get it all out." After a few more minutes of Joes head being in the trash can and throwing up everything in his stomach, he leaned back against the headrest and wiped his mouth off with the paper towels from the Taco Bell bag. "I'm so sorry." He said and placed the trash can by his feet before melting into the seat.

"Joe it's okay. Remember when I threw up in your Porsche?" I asked him. Joe looked up at me with the saddest look on his face that I've ever seen. Joe nodded. Of course he remembered, it was the day after he got it. "I think we both can agree that that was way worse." I said, trying to make him feel better. Once I knew that he wasn't going to throw up anymore - at least not for a few minutes - I continued on. While driving, I continuously looked over at Joe who was staring straight out at the road in front of him. Tears filled his eyes and he looked like he was in deep thought about something. I felt bad for him, I really did. I wasn't the only one who wasn't prepared to see my ex today, even if the circumstances were entirely different.

"I fucked up. I fucked up so bad." He said, his voice trembling slightly. I looked over at him while he struggled to hold back the tears that were threatening to roll down his cheeks. "I promise you it's okay. It's only puke. Getting plastered one night won't kill you." I said, though he still wouldn't meet my eyes. Once again, I took turns between looking at the road and glancing over at Joe, just trying to read his expression. But the problem was that I couldn't, so I didn't know why he was so upset. While it may have been uncharacteristic of Joe to get drunk like this, it happened to everyone. It wasn't the first time and it certainly wouldn't be his last. "That's not what I mean." He said quietly. For the millionth time tonight, my heart sank in my chest and I felt tears fill my eyes once again. I looked back at the road but out of the corner of my eye I could see Joe pull his legs up onto the seat and then lean against the door, hiding his face from me. After that, the car ride was filled with both of our sniffles and us wiping off our fresh tears.

Finally, I pulled into Joe's parent's house. Despite it being 1am and past the time they are normally asleep by, all of the lights were on in their house: they were waiting for their son to get home safely. By now I had stopped crying so after I turned the car off, I looked over at Joe who looked so incredibly out of it. His bloodshot eyes were heavy and out of focus and almost shut, he had a frown on his face, his face was clammy and pale, his breathing was deep, he wasn't talking at all, and I could tell he felt like absolute shit, physically and mentally. For a few seconds I just sat here, looking back and forth between the front door and then Joe who continued to look at me with that pitiful looking face, trying to mentally prepare myself for who were about to open the door when I knocked.

When I waited long enough and felt like I could finally face the people in the house, I opened my door. Before I got out, I turned to Joe. "Can you sit up?" I asked him. With a weak nod, he began to sit up but immediately reached for the bucket. When nothing came out, thankfully, he dropped it back down and remained in an upright position, though it looked hard for him. "There you go. Stay right there, I'll open the door for you." I said and when he gave me another nod I stepped out of the car and then shut my door. I took a deep breath while I walked around the front of my car and then I opened up the passenger side door. "You think you can stand?" I asked him, but wasn't sure with how his legs were folded awkwardly. With another nod, he began to swing his feet out of the car and then he planted both of his feet on the ground.

I took a few seconds to think about how I wanted to go about this, and then I finally realized what I needed to do. "Oh boy." I said to myself, knowing that the only way I could get Joe up due to his size was going to be awkward. I stepped in between Joe's legs and then got in extremely close to him and wrapped my arms around him. After a few seconds of preparing, I began to countdown. "1...2...3." On three, I pulled with all of the strength I had and Joe lifted himself up with all of the strength he had, which proved to be very little. Once Joe was standing upright, I quickly repositioned myself next to him and wrapped his arm around me and then wrapped my arms around him. Joe's head immediately hung low and his eyes closed almost fully.

I began to groan and breathe heavily when he leaned his weight into me. "Please help me out here. You're heavy." I said. With a weak groan, Joe tried a little harder to keep a lot of the weight off of me, which was still a lot of weight. After managing to shut the door, we both took extremely slow and careful steps up to the front door, which took a significantly long time due to me not being very strong. "Where's Michael when you need him?" I asked, my voice very strained. Joe let out a very quiet and weak chuckle in response. I began to laugh but then quickly stopped when I got to the door. Looking over at Joe, I contemplated leaving him by the door, knocking, and then bolting to my car, but I knew he would fall to the ground if I wasn't here helping him. So I instead reluctantly raised up my fist.

The sound of knuckles connecting with the door made my stomach turn, but I stood in front of it and held Joe up who was having an extremely hard time even keeping his eyes open. I could hear footsteps getting closer and closer to the door and then finally, the door handle turned and the door swung open with a small creaking sound. Then, I saw her. Robin. After three years I finally saw her in person again, and it made my heart ache. She looked almost exactly the same with that same warm and loving and welcoming smile she always wore. When she saw Joe, though, her smile began to drop and she looked shocked and worried. Then she looked down at the person holding her son up and our eyes met. I almost forgot how much they resembled Joe's.

"Oh you're for sure coming with me tonight. I'm not taking no for an answer." My best friend Lily said as she walked around the hotel we were currently staying in for our weekend trip in Vegas. "You already drug me here, can't I miss out on one night? We got drunk last night." I said with a groan and collapsed on the couch, still feeling tired and somewhat hungover from the previous day. From across the room, Lily walked out of the bathroom shaking her head and then grabbed onto an apple from the fruit bowl on the table. "Don't you dare." I laughed and put my hands up in defense. With a laugh, Lily threw the apple right at me, making me roll quickly to the side so I didn't get hit by it. "It's Vegas. Getting drunk every night is a must. We have one more night to go. So, bitch, get your ass up and get into that gorgeous outfit I helped pick out for you. This ain't even vip shit, this is more of a low key type thing." She told me with a stern look on her face.

How did we manage to become 'very important people', you may ask? Well, because Lily just so happens to be a well known actress. Weird, right? We met in college our freshman year and we've been best friends ever since. So, for the six years we've been best friends, she has drug me all over the place with me as her plus one to almost every single event she goes to: Movie premiers, signings, red carpets, interviews, and everything else in between. I've seen so many celebrities over the past six years who all were at these same events and most of them know Lily by name. They walk up to her. They get to know each other for a few minutes. Share a few laughs over an alcoholic beverage. Lily makes a note in her phone of the new celebrity so she can brag about it to her family. And, occasionally, very much to my dismay, she drags me into their conversation because she says I deserve to feel famous too.

"I don't know how you live like this? Doesn't it get exhausting?" I asked her while standing up so I could get dressed. I already had makeup on from lunch so all I needed to do was touch it up and I would be ready to go, unlike Lily who brought her stylist with her so she always looked good in the public eye. It wasn't something she necessarily liked to do, but she was always worried about her public image, and I understood that. "Hell yeah, all the time. But then I remember all that green cash I'm receiving and it becomes less painful." She joked with me. One of the things I loved about Lily was that no matter how easy it would be for her to let the fame get to her head and change her, she has remained humble and grounded throughout her young but growing career.

"So by low key, who are you referring to?" I asked her once I got into the bathroom connected to my room, making sure to speak loudly so she could hear me from the opposite side of the hotel room where her bathroom was. "Y'know, little bit of this and a little bit of that. I mean it when I say low key. Still lot's of hot people for you to pick from though." She said and I knew if we were next to each other she would wink at me with that fast eyebrow raise she always does that makes me laugh. "Okay good, because famous people are too stuck up for my liking - except for you, obviously." I said and leaned my head out of the bathroom to look at her apologetically, and at the same time she peaked her head around the door to look at me too. "Yeah, that's what I thought bitch." She joked with me, the both of us laughing.

Once we were all ready to go, we got into our car service she got for us and then we were off. On the way there, Lily filled me in on the details about the event and what truly to expect since she knew I always wanted to know what to expect when I walked into these places. Relief washed over me when I realized that this truly wasn't an event like usual: one that would usually spike Lily's interest due to multiple different reasons. Hearing that it wouldn't be filled with all kinds of stuck up actors whose egos were way too high, I couldn't help but get excited. For the first time in a while at one of these events I wouldn't have to feel like I had to somehow uphold a certain image while being with Lily. I can walk in without a care in the world, order a few drinks, dance, maybe meet someone I can mess around with for a while, and have the time of my life for a few hours. I don't like to do this every weekend like lily, but every now and then never hurt anyone.

When we walked in side by side past the security officers holding the doors open for us, I couldn't contain my smile. There were various people making small conversation in every direction, a champagne tower in the middle of the event, multiple bars in almost every corner of the place, a disco ball above the dance floor with flashing lights, a DJ playing nostalgic music, and everything else one would expect to find in a high end club in Vegas. "Isn't this the life girl?" She asked me with a wild smile on her face as she nudged my arm. I looked over at her with a wild smile of my own and then shook my head up at her with a small laugh. "I thought you said 'low key'." I said once I turned my head and saw the security officers close the door behind us before I started eyeing out all of the expensive shit in here.

"I said low key, not trashy. Live it up girl." She said with a small wink. We walked in a few more steps before Lily started to look for a place for us to sit so we could get a few alcoholic beverages in our systems before going to the dance floor to dance. While she looked around past the various people in order to find somewhere to sit, I noticed that there were in fact multiple floors to this place that held even more people. "I'm going to get us some drinks, there's a ton of people at the bar. I'll find you." I said and then gestured over to the packed bar. As soon as I looked over at the bar, I felt a sense of relief when I wasn't able to identify anyone by name. Meaning they were either nobodies like me or less known people. But guaranteed, we were all here to have fun. "Perfect babes, feel free to get distracted." She winked down at me with a small smirk on her face and then raised her eyes to the bar to the left of me. "I won't." I told her sternly before walking in the opposite direction to get to the bar.

While making my way over to the bar, I grabbed the bottom of my black skirt and pulled it down slightly before looking down at my breasts and fixing the top of my small and revealing top as discreetly as I possibly could. In no time, I made it to the bar and found myself a spot in between two very tall and expensive looking men; one wore an all black suite and the other a dark red one, and next to them were four girls surrounding them. They definitely weren't nobodies considering that they weren't necessarily 'lookers.' With a sigh, I looked around before I caught a bartenders eye who came walking over to me. "One dry martini and one cosmopolitan please," I said and just as she was about to walk away, I added in a quick, "and a lemon drop please." The faster I felt the alcohol, the faster I could feel confident enough to go out on the dance floor with Lily and have some fun.

With a nod, the bartender walked away so while I waited, I leaned on the bar some while singing along to the music that was playing in the background. "Yeah I'm getting neck on a yacht, hunnid foot parked at the dock. Bad ho poppin' they twat, I'm gettin' this shit back on lock." I sang to myself while bobbing my head to the music slightly. Since I was able to stand at the bar with a perfect view of the people around me, I suddenly felt more comfortable here. Just like Lily told me, it was more 'low key.' While, yes, there were still various famous people, there were also people just like me looking to have a good time, and it felt refreshing.

While I waited for my drinks to arrive with a ton of people around me also waiting for the same thing, someone next to me walked away and a few seconds later, it was immediately filled. "I'm in London at the Harris send a photo, I'm rockin' a jacket let it drag to the floor. Poppin' the tags in the tes' they like 'no more,' add it up fast and don't tell em' what's the total." I sang quietly to myself before the bartender arrived with my two drinks in her hands. "I'll get that lemon drop for you in just one second." She told me before going off to make some more drinks. I gave her a small smile and nodded before grabbing onto my drinks and then I lifted mine up to my lips. I immediately let out a sigh as I felt the alcohol sting the back of my throat on the way down before the man next to me let out a small chuckle.

"You've got good taste." He told me. With a small raise of my eyebrow, I slowly looked over to my right and then up at the man. The man wore Cartier shades inside the dim club, either hiding who he was or the discoloration of his eyes from the joint he probably smoked before coming here. Maybe both. On his head he wore a black bucket hat which without a doubt did not match his outfit, but alas, was worn in an effort to avoid attention being put on him. My eyes scanned over the man's face and then his mannerisms, noticing the small details in the way he carried himself: confident yet timid, obviously trying not to be noticed. I then dropped my eyes down to the man's clothes. Looser fitting blue jeans with a long sleeve black loose-fitted button down shirt which revealed the perfect amount of neck and chest: although more casual for this kind of club, he knew he was attractive but didn't want to draw too much attention to himself. With this full coverage outfit, there was no doubt in my mind that he would be staying as far away from the dance floor as he possibly could...unless heavily persuaded.

"Good taste in alcohol? Something's telling me that you don't fancy a cosmopolitan or a dry martini." I said with a small laugh up at the man before lifting the drink up to my lips and taking another small sip of it, feeling the alcohol once again sting slightly as it traveled down. "I was talking about the song, but please...enlighten me. What kind of alcohol do you think I 'fancy?'" He asked me while leaning on the bar, towering over me in his white and black pro blaze high top converse shoes and my go to clubbing heels that still allowed me to look good while still being able to dance. "Hmm, let's see," I said before looking him up and down some more merely for my own enjoyment, taking in his features once again, "you seem like you care about what you look like - not overly concerned but just the right amount - You're definitely not into the fruity stuff and while you don't mind cracking open a beer every once in a while, it's definitely not your go to drink of choice. I'm going to say a simple vodka soda." I said while narrowing my eyes in on him with a small smile.

While I was finishing up my sentence, the bartender came walking our way with my lemon drop shot and just as she set it down, the man raised his hand slightly to get her attention. "What can I get you sir?" She asked him with flushed cheeks. "A vodka soda please." He said, keeping his eyes on me the entire time with an amused smile on his face. I could tell he was furrowing his brows behind those cartier shades, wondering how I could possibly know what his drink of choice was. "How," he said but I cut him off, "when you walked up here you handed someone an empty glass and it looked like vodka soda was in it. You should've see your face though, you really believed I was able to tell what your go to drink is." I said and was unable to hold back a laugh, getting him to also laugh with me.

"Wow, okay. That's a little embarrassing that I fully believed you. Thought you were some detective or sum' shit." He laughed before I grabbed onto the lemon drop shot that the bartender dropped off. I let out a small laugh before throwing the shot back and letting it sting the back of my throat. "Oh wow, no. I'm literally just a flight attendant. An observant flight attendant." I said. The man watched me the entire time as I downed my drink, never taking his eyes off of me and always keeping that smirk on his face. "Why do you say 'just' a flight attendant. I think that's pretty amazing, right? Getting to travel and shit." He said with a small unsure shrug. With a small scoff, I shook my head and then took another sip of my drink. "It's kind of funny, but uh- my best friend is kind of an actress. So y'know, there's her and then there's, well, me." I laughed some before I turned around, trying to find where she was so I didn't keep her waiting. "Don't sell yourself short just because your friend's name is bigger than yours. Status doesn't mean shit." He said.

I squinted my eyes up at him before making little 'tsk, tsk, tsk,' sounds with my mouth. "What?" he chuckled down at me. I shook my head before grabbing onto my drinks, wanting to meet up with Lily since this is supposed to be our night. "Someone how I feel like that's easy for you to say. It was nice talking to you but I have to go meet up with a friend." I said with a small wink and backed up some."Wait, can I at least introduce myself?" He called out to me. I gave him a small smile and said, "I know who you are," while turning on my heel, not giving myself a chance to get caught up with him tonight. After reading him and figuring out that he's definitely not a nobody like me who is only trying to go unnoticed, I was able to connect the dots and realize who I was talking to. I could also tell that he was only looking for one thing tonight, and, since I wasn't particularly fond of one night stands, I was only willing to get into his head a little bit tonight.

While I walked away from him and headed in the direction that Lily had gone when we separated, I turned my head around slightly. Once I looked towards the bar and found the Joe, I noticed that he hadn't taken his eyes off of me yet, and when I finally looked back at him, he smiled some. With a small shake of my head, I turned my head back around and then started to look around for Lily. After a few seconds of looking around, I finally made eye contact with her and she gave me that look she always gave me when I talked to a man she approved of. I couldn't help but laugh as I set her drink on the small table she picked out for us in the corner and then I gently slid it over to her before sitting down across from her.

When I sat down, she continued to stare straight at me with a confused look on her face. "What?" I finally asked while taking another sip of my drink. Lily's mouth dropped open before she scoffed at me and then looked towards the bar. "Do you realize who you were just talking to? Or, correction, do you know who was just flirting with you?" She asked me, not knowing why I wasn't acting excited or at least bragging about it. "Yeah? So?" I asked with a small laugh as she took a big sip of her drink. Once she swallowed the liquid in her mouth and set the glass back down on the table, she said, "I know you're messing with me. It's okay to brag."

"I can't lie, he's fine shit, but he's just looking to get laid. There's not much to brag about." I said with a shrug. "Oh bitch you're way better than me. I would be trying to jump his bones if I were you." The both of us laughed while I looked back over at Joe who just got his vodka soda and was walking over to a group of people he came here with. "Okay, well let's drink quickly, I wanna go dance." I said excitedly before throwing my drink back and taking big sips until my drink was empty. "Damn. You got it." She said, matching my energy and throwing her drink back right along with me.

After getting another drink and ordering a round of shots, we finally felt ready to go to the packed dance floor. I walked ahead of Lily while grabbing ahold of her hand and holding it above my head. While heading towards the sea of people dancing, I started to dance while walking. Once we made it to the dance floor, we stood in front of each other and started to dance to the music that the DJ was playing in his little booth in front of the dance floor. As soon as we started dancing, the song, 'love in this club,' started to play and both Lily and me started to squeal slightly as we held hands. "It's our song!" I laughed excitedly before I dropped her hands and then raised mine above my head and started swaying my hips seductively. "This is my mother fucking jam." She said and started to run her hands through her hair while dancing.

There was a never ending smile on my face as I danced to the music and matched the beat with my movements. With people all over the dance floor, it was a little hard to move my body too much, but there was enough room for me to feel myself. The music that flooded my ears mixed with the alcohol that was making my head feel fuzzy allowed me to dance without a care in the world. Was I the best dancer in the world? Absolutely not. But was I able to mask that with a little bit of rhythm and some alcohol? Absolutely. In this moment I couldn't remember why I complained so much about going out with Lily. Once I made it on the dance floor and I realized just how much fun I was having, the last thing I was thinking about was going home.

The strobe lights and disco ball above me made for a flurry of colors inside the dim lit and upbeat club. As I continued dancing to the music with Lily, I turned to the left while dancing and just as I did, I made eye contact with the person who I was talking with earlier. Only this time he wasn't wearing his Cartier classes any more, and instead placed them on his black button down shirt. A small breath got caught in my throat and I froze for a split second before I realized that I stopped and then quickly started dancing again. All joe did while he was leaned up against the wall behind him - with his drink in his hands - was look into my eyes with that small smirk on his face, amused by the effect he knew he had on me. For a few seconds his eyes followed mine as I continued to dance, and, although his intense gaze that was fixed on me made me nervous and suddenly become aware that I didn't have enough alcohol in me to not care enough, I continued dancing and tried to ignore it.

After a few seconds of maintaining eye contact with him and trying not to be the first one to look away, I forced myself to look straight ahead and to put all of my attention into letting go and having fun. Even though I tried not to look back over at him, every time I moved my head and swayed to the music it felt like my eyes kept going back over to Joe who kept his eyes on me almost the entire time. The only time he looked away from me and my body was when someone next to him got his attention, forcing him to look away. I could tell that he didn't want to look away though by the way he clenched his jaw and spoke quickly before looking back over to me, almost as if I would disappear if he looked away for too long. He was enjoying watching the way I moved my body sensually to the music and the way I made accidental eye contact with him innocently.

Finally, after a few more songs and after I realized I needed to take a short break while Lily was having the time of her life dancing with a handsome stranger she just met, I headed off of the dance floor. My chest rose and fell quickly and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I reached up and wiped off the small beads of sweat that decorated my forehead. "Fuck." I swore under my breath while walking to the bar so I could get a water and then another alcoholic drink before going back onto the dance floor. I ran my fingers through my hair which was slowly starting to become curly from how hot and humid it was inside, my natural hair starting to make an appearance as the night went on.

Once I made it to the bar, I found an empty spot on the side and then sat down on the bar stool for a few seconds. One bartender stood near a group of people while filling a row of shot glasses with the alcohol of their choice and another was rushing to keep up with the various different orders they were receiving. I waited patiently while swinging my feet and looking at the bottles and bottles of alcohol that lined the wall behind the bartenders. A few seconds later one of the bartenders walked over to me after realizing he didn't take my order yet so I gave him a small smile. "Can I get a water and a sex on the beach please?" I asked with a smile. Immediately, he grabbed a cup and started to fill it up with water before sliding it over to me and then leaving to make my other drink.

While I waited, I sipped on my water and looked around the bar, looking at the various people that filled the place. I knew it was only a matter of time before my gaze was fixed back on Joe, but this time when I found him he was walking over to the bar with his head held low, not realizing I was also up here. My eyes followed him as he found a spot at the bar and then asked the bartender for a drink. Before I knew it, my drink was placed in front of me so I grabbed it and then stood up. I placed one foot in front of me and then I looked over at Joe who moved his head to the beat of the kid cudi song that was playing.

With a small shake of my head, I continued to walk towards our table, but then I could hear Joe say, "wow, you weren't even gonna say hi?" I took another step before letting out a small sigh and then turned around to look at him with a small glare, but was unable to stop myself from smiling as we made eye contact. "Hi. Better?" I asked him, biting the inside of my cheek slightly. "That's a start." He chuckled. After leaving my spot at the bar, it quickly was filled by someone who looked like they were desperate for a drink, so I took another step forwards but didn't walk away just yet. "I guess you gotta come and sit by me since your spot's taken now." He said with a small shrug, gesturing over to the spot next to him even though there were various other bar stools open that I could sit at.

"I don't know if I should be scared or intrigued by you." I said, and before I knew it, I was headed over to the bar stool next to him with my drinks in my hand. "Uh- well," he said and then started to laugh a little bit before the bartender brought him his drink which gave him some more time to think, "intrigued I hope." He finally said after taking a small sip of his drink. Once I finally reached him, I sat down on the bar stool next to him while setting my drinks down and then I looked up into his eyes which made me slightly nervous. "You come to bars and stare at women often?" I asked him with a small eyebrow raise. With an uncertain smile, he opened his mouth to say something but then shut it and shook his head slightly before saying, "only beautiful ones."

I put a hand over my mouth to try and stop myself from laughing, but once Joe started to laugh, I laughed right along with him. "Wow...real smooth." I laughed and then took a sip of my drink. From next to me, Joe pinched the bridge of his nose and then turned to face me more on his bar stool. "I never really have to try this uh- this hard with girls. Guess I'm not good with pick up lines." He chuckled before taking off his bucket hat. With his bucket hat off, he began to run his fingers through his dirty blonde hair which dangled onto his forehead without the hat on. "Why? All of em' suddenly become interested as soon as they realize who you are?" I asked, knowing that lily told me that it became much easier for her to get a guys attention when her name actually meant something. I watched as he let out a deep sigh and then put his bucket hat back on his head.

"Uh- yeah...pretty much," he chuckled nervously and then looked down at his hands for a few seconds before looking back up at me, "wow. That makes me sound like such a dick doesn't it? I promise you I'm not." I shrugged a little bit while nodding, agreeing with him on that one. "Uh- yeah...pretty much." I copied what he said with a laugh and then grabbed my water and took a few sips of it. While I drank my water out of the tiny black straw I was given, we both held eye contact. I could feel my cheeks quickly become flushed and I suddenly felt even more hot than I did when I was dancing. Once I was finished with my water, I set my water down on the bar top and then placed both of my hands on it so I could stand up.

"Don't tell me you're leaving again." He said, a hint of disappointment in his voice. "What? Don't you want to stare at me while I dance some more?" I asked him with a small glare before I let a small smile spread across my face. I then grabbed my sex on the beach. "It's much more enjoyable getting to see you up close and actually talk to you," he said and then furrowed his eyebrows, deep in thought for a few seconds, "oh c'mon do I have to spell it out for you?" With a sigh, I stood up from the bar stool and then faced him. I looked into those blue eyes which made me want to stay and talk to him some more, but I knew men like him. He didn't want to talk to get to know me. "You gonna take me out on a date if I stay and talk with you?" I asked him while tilting my head a little bit at him, already knowing the answer without him having to say it.

With a disappointing smile, he looked down at his drink in his hands before taking a deep breath and looking up at me. There was a different look in his eyes. One that I couldn't quite pick up on or read. I wasn't able to read him at all in this moment despite being able to pick him apart piece by piece earlier. There was something he was hiding that he kept hidden from people, and I wasn't going to stay and make him talk to me when all he wanted was a casual hookup with no strings attached. "I don't date." He said. With a small nod and a smile, I began to turn away from him while Saying, "Shame. Well, you know where to find me If you want to do something other than drinking and staring at me." Joe opened his mouth to say something but I instead spoke before him, "don't dance either?"

Without giving him a chance to tell me that he doesn't dance, I looked him up and down slowly and then turned around and headed for the dance floor once again. While walking, I sipped on my sex on the beach until all that was left in the glass was ice, and then I handed it to one of the ladies walking around with trays in their hands. I immediately started to look around for Lily when I reached the dance floor but I couldn't see her anywhere. She wasn't where I left her and she wasn't with the man she was dancing with previously. All of a sudden, I could feel a pair of hands grab onto my shoulders. I jumped at the sudden feeling and then turned around to see who had touched me, but then gave the person a small glare when I realized it was just Lily. "You bitch. You scared me." I told her and then pushed her hands off of me jokingly.

"I know," she laughed before walking onto the dance floor together and finding a spot where we could dance, "I was stalking you. Why'd you leave Mr. Quarterback?" She asked me. I rolled my eyes mostly at myself and the situation while starting to dance next to her. We both had to talk louder than usual due to the music blaring and people around us also talking louder in an attempt to be heard. "Like I told you, he just wants to fuck." I said with a small shrug. "Oh come on, is that so bad? When's the last time you casually hooked up with someone?" She asked me. Well...never, at least not in this setting. I must have had a knowing look on my face because Lily said, "exactly. You don't know how freeing it can be."

"So you're saying that I should sleep around?" I said with a small laugh, although I knew what she meant. Lily furrowed her eyebrows quickly before she stopped dancing and stepped closer to me. A few people around us gave us dirty looks for being in the middle of the dance floor and not dancing, but Lily didn't care. "I'm not saying that you should become some whore who fucks every guy she see's... just that, y'know, no strings attached is pretty fucking awesome." She said to me while raising her eyebrows up and down quickly at me before I shook my head and started dancing with her again, not wanting to upset the people around us who we were already annoyed.

For 30 minutes I continued to dance next to Lily who kept going back and forth between dancing with me and then another guy she met, and for 30 minutes I kept catching joe staring at me. The more I danced and the more alcoholic drinks I had which always made me more confident than when I was sober, I too found myself searching for him in the club. Every time we made eye contact, it felt like a competition: who was going to break eye contact first? It always ended up being me though, and not just because I had to dodge an elbow that was being thrown in my direction. His gaze was intense, and, in a way, almost inviting, like he was daring me to keep looking. Although I kept looking away, I felt like I couldn't stop myself from looking back at him because every time I did, I felt my heart jump in my chest and I couldn't get enough.

After waiting long enough and after we held each other's gaze for far too long without him moving an inch, I held out my hand to him and gestured with my finger for him to come to me. As soon as he realized that I wanted him to join me on the dance floor, he immediately began to shake his head slowly while a small smile spread across his face. With a sigh, I nodded enthusiastically and continued to dance while still gesturing for him to walk over to me. Once again, he shook his head. I furrowed my brows at him while squinting slightly before I stopped dancing and then began to leave the dance floor and head to the bar. On my way to the bar, I could practically feel his eyes on me the entire time, following my every move but not joining me up at the bar.

Once I made it to the bar, I ordered two shots of vodka and when the bartender handed them to me, I turned around and immediately found Joe's eyes which never looked away from me. A small smile spread across my face as I started to walk towards Joe who stood with his friends who were all talking with one another and, even though they were in a club, not dancing. Let's see if I can change that. "Wow, you actually came up to me this time. I'm surprised." He said and looked down at me with that smirk on his face. My heart beat sped up in my chest as I watched him look me up and down slowly, taking in my appearance before his blue eyes landed back on mine. "I'm bored and you keep watching me, so, drink." I said and held out the shot glass towards him that was inches away from his chest.

"You think I need liquid courage? With or without alcohol...I don't dance." He said and looked down at the alcohol in both of my hands before looking back up at me. With a small sigh, I stepped closer to him until my hand and the shot glass was pressed up against his chest, making a small breath get caught in my throat upon feeling how firm it was. "I never said it was liquid courage. All I said...was drink," I said and then looked him up and down, "I'm planning on leaving with someone tonight and it would be a shame if it weren't with you." Immediately after saying this, I realized just how blunt I was and how, if he wasn't feeling the same way about me, that I would die of embarrassment in the morning. I was never this straight forwards but I also never wanted to go home with a man this much before, so I'd be damned if I was going to miss my chance to hook up with him tonight. No strings attached sounded pretty fucking great.

I watched as Joe's eyes widened slightly. It wasn't a noticeable difference, but with being this close to him, I was able to pick up the small changes in his facial expression and demeanor. Like how he clenched his jaw and sniffled quickly while started to breathe a little faster, surely already thinking about how he wanted this night to end. The both of us continued to look into each others eyes, neither of us looking away for about 15 seconds, until Joe reached forwards and grabbed the shot glass that was in my hand. Joes fingers brushed up against mine as he took the glass in his hand which was significantly bigger than mine. While he brought it up to his lips, he muttered a small, "fuck it," and then downed the alcohol that was in the glass without even the slightest reaction. Following his lead, I shrugged while letting out a small, "fuck it," myself, and then downed the shot.

Immediately after, Joe grabbed my glass and set it down on a table nearest to him and then he started walking towards the dance floor, but not before sliding his arm around my waist and guiding me with him. I let out a small noise, not expecting the sudden feeling of his hand on my body as he pressed me against his side as we walked. Before I knew it, we were both on the dance floor, inches away from one another as we gazed into each other's eyes. With a small smile on my face, I walked even closer to him and wrapped an arm around his neck and started swaying to the music. After he looked me up and down, he put his hands on my hips and started to guide my hips to the music while also moving to the beat of the music.

I felt like I couldn't think straight with his hands on my body that dug into the skin on my hips while he moved them, exaggerating my movements. It was like all of the thoughts that were once running through my head were gone and the only ones that were in my head now were thoughts about how I wanted this night to end, and I could tell by the look on his face that he was thinking the same thing too. With a smile on my face, I ran my fingers through his hair with my hand wrapped around his neck and his hands started to explore my body, sliding them up the curvatures of my body that became more pronounced while I swayed. He then brought his hand down to my ass and began to squeeze it a few times while he switched between looking into my eyes and then down at my lips.

After dancing in this position for a little bit, I turned around so my back was practically pressed up against him, and started to sway and dip my hips, grinding on him. From above me, I could hear Joe let out a small groan while he wrapped an arm around the front of my body just above the waist band of my skirt, holding me to him. I let out a small sigh as I struggled to keep the dirty thoughts out of my head. I put one of my hands up while dancing before I dropped it slightly in order to wrap it around his neck, continuing to run my fingers through his dirty blonde hair. Both me and Joe continued to sway to the music as our hands explored each others body sensually, my hips grinding on him with each sway of my hips until I could feel his dick pressing up against my ass.

After only about 10 minutes of dancing, I could tell Joe couldn't take this any longer; the feeling of me pressing my ass up against his dick as if I was daring him to get hard. I knew he was done when he leaned down until I could feel his breath against my neck. I let out a small anticipatory sigh as goosebumps began to appear on my skin and I melted into his touch as his hands dug into my skin. Then, I could feel him get closer to my ear. "I need to be inside of you." He said in a low tone, almost sounding like a groan as I continued to move my hips. A small breath got caught in my throat at his words, not expecting that to come out of his mouth, and turned my head slightly towards him, feeling like I wasn't able to conjure up any words. "I need a yes or no baby. We only do this if you want to." He told me. I turned my head more to look at him and, even though I was nervous, I've never felt more sure about something. "I need you." I sighed out. Joe immediately took a step away from me but pulled me with him, not wasting any time, so I gave Lily a small glance and she immediately gave me a thumbs up with a big smile, knowing I wouldn't be returning to the hotel room tonight.

When we stopped in front of Joe's hotel room suite, he quickly reached into his pockets so he could grab out his room key. Once he grabbed it, he took it out and tried to open up the door with it but his hands were moving too quickly and he dropped the card. "Shit." Joe swore. I let out a small laugh while I walked in front of Joe who was trying to stay focused. To mess with him, I reached down and began to palm him in his pants. "Fuck." Joe swore before he reached down and grabbed ahold of my wrist so I couldn't touch him anymore, although I could see a small smirk on his face. Just as he grabbed ahold of my wrist, he pulled down on the door handle and then pushed the door open, so I turned around and walked inside of his hotel room. "Holy shit, lily's isn't this big." I said but then I felt Joe pull me towards him since he was still holding onto my wrist.

My body was pulled towards him as he slammed the door shut, and when I swung close enough to him, he smashed his lips against mine. I quickly reached up and ran my fingers through his hair while kissing him back. Hard. While we kissed, Joe began to walk through the hotel room, so I continued to back up while moaning softly into the kiss. Without faltering, Joe grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it over my head, our lips only separating so he could take the shirt completely off of my body. Just as he threw my shirt across the room, Joe signaled for me to turn right, so I obliged and backed into another room which I figured had to be the bedroom.

When we made it into the bedroom, Joe tore off his shirt quickly and then smashed his lips against mine once again as I struggled not to trip over my own feet. Finally, the back of my legs hit the edge of the bed, and when they did, Joe gently pushed my shoulders back so I sat down on it and then started to take off my skirt that I was wearing. While I worked on my skirt, Joe quickly opened up the nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom from inside of it. I let out a faint anticipatory moan as I watched him unbutton and then unzip his pants while I worked on sliding mine off. Before Joe opened the wrapper, he gently bit onto one of the corners and then stepped closer to me and grabbed ahold of my skirt and slid them all the way down my legs and then threw them to the side, not wanting to waste any time.

After, he grabbed the other corner of the condom and ripped the wrapped open but kept it in his mouth while he pulled down his pants. As soon as he stepped out of his pants, I swore under my breath as I struggled to take my eyes off of the tent in his boxers. The both of us breathed heavily and before I knew it, Joe pulled down his boxers and then grabbed the condom from the wrapper and threw the wrapper to the side. Joe let out a groan as he slid the condom onto his dick while I quickly wiggled out of my thong. Once the condom was on, Joe looked down at me and before stepping in between my separated legs, said, "tell me if you aren't comfortable with something, okay?" I nodded quickly while leaning back against the bed as he stepped in between my legs. He then grabbed my hips and moved me closer to the middle of the bed so my legs weren't dangling off of it.

My heart beat raced in my chest and I could feel my own arousal coating the insides of my thighs, which Joe noticed immediately. "You're so fucking wet." Joe said in a low voice before he began to make his way onto the bed until he was over top of me. I began to run my fingers through his hair before I felt the tip of his dick sliding through my folds, and, before I even had time to prepare myself, he thrusted deeply inside of me, making me yank hard at his hair. I let out a loud moan as Joe stretched me out and filled me up. Every time I thought he was in all the way, he sunk deeper and deeper into my walls with each snap of his hips against mine.

I angled my head up while letting out loud moans, the tip of his dick hitting my g-spot repeatedly which made my eyes roll into the back of my head. "Oh fuck!" I moaned out loudly while Joe continued to fuck me faster than I've ever been fucked before. The sounds of my slick walls around his dick mixed with the sounds of my moans and joes grunts filled the room, creating the perfect symphony. I arched my back as I dug my finger nails into his back, surely leaving red welts in their wake. One of Joes hands was placed on my hip which tug into my skin and pinned me against the mattress so he could thrust deeply inside of me without me moving a single inch.

At one point, Joe looked into my eyes as his hips snapped against mine at a pace that made my vision blurry. We held eye contact while the multi colored chain he was wearing dangled in front of my eyes. "Don't stop." I moaned out loudly while angling my head up, my lips parted as I let out open mouthed moans, unable to hold them back. Then, he pulled completely out of me and my walls clenched down around nothing. All of a sudden, he grabbed ahold of my hips and flipped me on bed so I was laying on my stomach. I let out a small gasp, not expecting the quick and sudden movement, but I couldn't stop thinking about how easily Joe was able to do that. "Get on your hands and knees." Joe said from behind me. I did as Joe asked and got on my hands and knees, and seconds later I could feel Joe place one of his hands on my hip.

"I need you." I sighed while wiggling my hips. Just as I was about to look back at him to see what he was waiting for, I felt the tip of his dick forcefully enter my walls before he placed both of his hands on my hips. I let out a questionably loud cry as Joe began to snap his hips against mine. Every time he pulled out some and then thrusted inside of me, he pulled my hips back until my ass forcefully smacked against his hips. "You're so fucking tight." Joe groaned from behind me while my walls clenched down around his dick. The tip of his dick repeatedly hit my g- spot and occasionally my cervix which caused a wave of nausea to wash over me. I began to move my hips instinctively forwards as a mixture of pain and pleasure coursed through my body. In response, Joe dug his fingers into the skin around my hips to hold me in place.

From behind me, Joe let out small grunts as he rutted into me, not afraid to be vocal himself. In no time, I could feel that knot form in my stomach, and I knew I was close. "Faster." I moaned out. With that, Joe began to thrust faster and harder into me, making loud cries fall from my parted lips as I struggled to control myself while he fucked me into oblivion. There was pain, but it was good pain. Pain that made me more aware. Aware of the way his dick felt inside of me as it stretched me out, his hands as they dug into my hips, and the way his hips snapped against my ass which surely was leaving red marks. Instead of moving my hips away from his as the pain mixed with pleasure coursed through my veins, I moved my hips back and braced myself, craving the feeling of his dick hitting my cervix.

In a matter of seconds, I could feel the knot in my stomach start to unravel and my eyes started to roll into the back of my head. "Cum for me. That's it." Joe grunted from behind me. It only took one more thrust for me to release the knot in my stomach, and when I did, I let out a loud moan and my body began to shake. My breaths came out in short and uneven gasps as my body tensed up. After a few more seconds, I could feel a small twitch inside of me followed by Joe sliding out of me. "Holy fuck." I cussed as I collapsed onto the bed.

My eyes fluttered open the next morning but I squinted hard as the bright rising sun lit up the entire room. Once I was able to open my eyes more, I began to look down at the blanket over top of me, not recognizing it. In the hotel I was staying at with Lily, the comforter was much thinner and rough, but this was one thicker and smooth. I let out a small groan and was about to look around more when I heard the faintest snoring coming from next to me in bed. My eyes widened and I froze while I slowly looked to the left. As soon as I looked to the left, I saw Joe sleeping next to me. He was lying on his stomach with one hand up by his head and the other was tucked underneath of the blanket.

When my brain started to wake up more, I was able to remember everything that happened the previous night and I immediately let out a small sigh, relieved that I remembered everything. Still, I was frozen other than letting myself move my head to look around. The last thing I wanted to do was wake him up and make it awkward for the both of us. After all, it was only a hookup. But what now? I wasn't used to this. The only time I hooked up with people was with men I already knew when we both needed to let loose and have sex. This though, was all new to me. Was I supposed to leave before he woke up? Was I supposed to stay in bed and wait until he woke up so he could tell me what to do. I had no idea.

As my nerves started to rise, I looked over at the bedside table and, extremely slowly and carefully, reached over and grabbed my phone so I could send a text to Lily and ask her what to do. Once I grabbed my phone, I sent her a quick text but kept my phone on silent next to me as I laid there. For ten minutes I waited in bed next to Joe, trying not to breathe too loud or move in the slightest in an effort to not wake him up. I was not ready for an awkward confrontation if I was supposed to leave but he found me still next to him. For all I knew, he would probably think I was a stalker and wouldn't want to leave him so I stayed. Or, maybe if he catches me still here when he wakes up he'll think I want more out of this than just a random hookup and look at me like I'm crazy. I wasn't crazy...just confused. Very confused.

After ten minutes passed and I realized that Lily was probably still asleep and wouldn't see my text until I woke her up when I got back to the hotel, I slowly slipped the covers off of me and carefully slid out of bed, trying to stay silent. As soon as I got up, Joe began to stir in bed, so I slowly turned around while holding my breath, only to realize that he was still asleep but was now lying on his back. With an exhale of relief, I started to frantically look around the room in search of my clothes. I knew his hotel room was a suite so it included a lot more than just this room, but he didn't start taking my clothes off until we got to the bedroom so I knew they were mixed in with Joe's clothes on the ground. First I found my top which was thrown a few feet away from the bed, and then my skirt and undies that weren't even remotely close to my shirt.

Once I got dressed and then grabbed my phone and slipped it into my purse, I slowly started to tiptoe out of the room in hopes that Joe would stay asleep. Most likely, he was probably expecting me to be gone when he woke up and would also be relieved. Plus I didn't want him to know that I wasn't experienced when it came to hooking up. The less he knew the better. Just as I was about to slip out of the room, though, I could hear the bed creak under Joe's body weight and knew he had woken up from the sound of it. "Wow, you're really trying to sneak out?" He chuckled from behind me, his voice low and raspy. I closed my eyes and immediately stopped walking, my back facing him as I froze in place. Well...this was embarrassing.

After a few seconds, I turned around to see him with his back up against the head board, the blanket coming up to his waist. His hair was messy from last night and from sleeping and his eyes were still glossed over from just waking up. I was so nervous and had no idea what I was supposed to do, so like I always do, I accidentally started to ramble on in an attempt to explain myself. "I uh- I don't do this. In the past i've only hooked up with people I knew so I knew I didn't have to leave- it wasn't a ton of hookups though, I'm not like a slut or anything. I like sex but I don't need it. But like it's good so I do it. Anyways I didn't know if I should've left or if I should've stayed. Or Like- I don't know, made breakfast or something...y'know? And now I'm rambling and I've told you far too much about my sex life so I should probably just go." I said and began to rub the back of my neck, feeling so incredibly embarrassed. This is why I don't do casual hookups.

The whole time, Joe was looking up at me with an amused look on his face as I frantically tried to explain myself. The last thing I wanted to do was come off as a douche bag who doesn't care about anything but sex, but now he probably thinks I'm some weird girl who over shares. We both held each other's gaze for a few seconds before I cleared my throat and pointed behind me. "I'm just gonna- it was nice meeting you and...y'know, everything." I said and was about to turn around when Joe sat up a little bit more. "Stay." He said. I furrowed my brows slightly and dropped my hand, feeling like I misheard him. "Huh?" I asked him. "Stay. My flights later today and I'm not planning on doing anything. I was planning on ordering room service." He said with a small shrug.

We both sat in silence for a few seconds, the both of us just staring at each other. "So?" Joe finally asked me. "What?" I asked him in an extremely confused tone, not knowing he even asked me a question. Joe just chuckled and ran his fingers through his messy hair. "Do you have plans today?" He asked me. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at my text to Lily that was still unread, so I knew Lily wouldn't mind. "No, no I don't think so." I told him. "Good, because usually I have to eat breakfast alone every day and it'll be nice to have some company." He said and then slid out of bed. When he stood up, he raised his hands above his head and began to stretch while letting out a groan. With the sun shining on his bare skin, I could see the stretch marks that decorated his back before I walked out of the bedroom and into the dining room.

When the room service finally came, we put the food on the dining room table buffet style and we sat down across from each other. The whole time, we talked non stop about anything that crossed our minds. We talked about football, my job, random things, how I met Lily, and everything in between. I figured it would be awkward between us after I spilled so much about my sex life considering the fact that this would be the only time we ever saw each other and the impression we made on each other wouldn't matter, but it was actually quite the opposite. The conversations were just flowing with him and I felt like I could say anything without him judging me for some reason.

"So when you told me that you don't usually hookup, did you mean it?" He asked me. With a small laugh, I set down the piece of bacon I was holding in between my fingers and wiped my hand on my napkin. "I always fucking overshare when I'm nervous," I said, gaining a small chuckle from Joe who took a bite of his food, "but yeah, it's the truth. I've never really been a girl who likes hookups because men- and I mean no offense to you when I say this- are fucking scary and most of the time gross. With some of my guy friends though, I already know them and I know they aren't creeps or some shit." I said and then grabbed my fork and took another bite of my food while Joe thought about my reason for not hooking up.

After a few seconds of joe contemplating what I said, he looked back at me. "Okay, but what about when you're out of town because of your job? Don't you ever get the urge to go to a bar and find someone to hook up with?" He asked me. "Well, yes and no. I have a vibrator so when the thought crosses my mind I usually just whip er' out." I said. The both of us began to laugh as he nodded in agreement and continued to talk about why I don't do hook ups very often. As we talked though, I couldn't help but become curious as to why he only hooks up with girls but doesn't date them. "Don't take this the wrong way, but why don't you date? Why do you only like hook ups? Doesn't it get kind of... lonely? And boring?" I asked him.

Joe immediately stopped eating his food and I could tell it was like a switch was flipped in his brain. For a few seconds he stared at me, not talking, just looking like he was contemplating something. I figured it was a sensitive topic, or at least one he doesn't like to share with many people, so I shook my head slowly with a small shrug, "forget about it, it doesn't matter anyways." I decided to just sweep it under the rug like nothing happened because I knew he didn't want to share with me, maybe because he didn't want me to think he was a bad guy or maybe because he didn't want me to get to know him because after today we'd never see each other again. But then, as we were looking into each other's eyes, he squinted and shook his head slowly. "I don't know why I'm going to tell you, because I don't tell a lot of people...but I just feel okay with telling you I guess." He said while looking extremely confused as to why he was opening up to me.

Joe looked down at his plate while letting go of his fork and putting both hands on the table in front of him. "My girlfriend...she uh- she passed away three years ago in a car accident. I guess in short I've forgotten about finding love again. It's pointless, y'know? So now I just sleep around because it's easier than letting someone new in." He said. My heart dropped in my chest and I froze slightly while looking into his eyes. I slowly put a hand over my mouth, at a loss for words. Suddenly, the reason he acted the way he did somehow made sense. The no dating. The no relationships with girls. Not allowing himself to let people in. Everything. Even though it was incredibly sad and sounded lonely...I understood.

"Joe...I am so, so sorry." I said. With a small unsure smile, Joe leaned back in his chair and looked down at his plate of food in front of him. "I don't really talk about it with anyone except my close friends. But I guess now, close friends and you." He said. I continued to shake my head while looking at him, not sure what I should say in this moment. "I don't know what to say. I-I'm sorry." I said. I've never been put into this position before, certainly not with someone I hooked up with, so I wasn't sure if I should talk with him about it or not. "I know it's a lot to drop on a person, so you don't have to say anything or offer your condolences because trust me I've had enough of those. But I don't know...I just felt like I could tell you." He said. The way he talked and tried to act like nothing was wrong or that it didn't bother him as much as he led on, made me realize that he was still broken inside, so I wasn't going to make him rehash old memories again.

After a few more minutes we started talking like we were before, but this time it looked like Joe wanted to say something but didn't know if he should. While we talked he furrowed his brows like he was deep in thought until he finally leaned forwards in his chair during our conversation, stopping it completely. I raised my fork to my mouth and just as I was about to put the food into my mouth, Joe said, "This is going to sound extremely blunt and straightforward, but I want to have sex with you again." I immediately froze while staring straight at him, my mouth still wide open and my fork still inches away from my mouth. I shut my mouth quickly and dropped my fork and, for a few seconds, waited for Joe to say something else, but all he did was lean back in his chair, waiting for an answer.

I set my fork down on my plate and let out a small sigh while I continued to make eye contact with him. I didn't know what to say. My brain was going back and forth between what would happen if I said yes and what would happen if I said no. Like always, I began to overthink everything. Typical. But, as I was going back and forth between the two options in my head over and over again and trying to decide, I couldn't stop thinking about last night. About how good Joe made me feel, and even better, how good no strings attached felt. There weren't any expectations because I figured that it would only happen once and that would be the end of it. But now, I had a chance to do that again, and it would be just as simple.

So, for once, I decided to stop overthinking and second guessing myself. "Okay." I finally told him with a steady voice, agreeing with him even though I couldn't stop that nervous flutter in my stomach, knowing that if I didn't answer within a few seconds, I would change my mind. Joe raised his eyebrows slightly at my confident response and leaned forwards again, looking somewhat shocked. "Yeah?" He asked. With a small scoff, I leaned forwards myself and leaned on the table slightly, never breaking eye contact. "Why do you sound so surprised?" I asked him, looking him up and down. A small smirk spread across his face and he shook his head before letting out a small chuckle. "Can you blame me? You were so sure that you weren't going to fuck me yesterday and now you take ten seconds to decide." He said. "For one, if we're going to continue to hook up, you gotta stop saying fuck, and for two, before you I didn't realize how amazing no strings attached was." I said.

"I can't say fuck? You say fuck. What's wrong with fuck?" He asked me, although he knew what context I didn't want him to use fuck in and was just messing with me. I squinted at him while taking another bite of my food and leaned back in my chair. "Fine, fine. I won't say fuck when referring to sex. But... you aren't one of those girls that call it making love though, right? Because if so you can forget about this." He said, trying to hold back a laugh in the process. Reaching forwards slightly, I grabbed ahold of a biscuit and threw it at him. Joe quickly ducked out of the way before we both started to laugh, and then Joe finally said, "okay, okay. So, when you're in Cincinnati or a layover somewhere close to where I am, I'll call you. Same goes for you, just call me." He said.

"Don't think I'm just going to drop everything whenever I'm in town. I like sex but I still have a life." I said, although I knew I wouldn't be able to resist dropping whatever I was doing if that meant I was able to feel the same way joe made me feel last night. "After we have sex a few more times you won't be able to say no or get me out of your head, trust me," he said with a wink but I continued to look at him seriously so he got serious too, "Okay, and you can expect the same from me. I'm a busy man." He said, although I could tell based on the way he struggled to keep that smile off his face as he thought about the first time we were able to hook up that he would also drop whatever he was doing. "Deal." I said. "Then we'll do this. No strings attached." He said. I began to nod in agreement while struggling to keep a smile off of my face. No complications. No expectations. No strings. Just fun. "No strings attached." I repeated.

So, that's just what we did. Whenever we were within driving distance of each other or whenever Joe had free time in the midst of his busy schedule and could hop in his private jet, we were at each other's beck and call. Horny? Phone call. Bored? Phone call. Date gone wrong? Phone call. Unsatisfactory random hookup? Phone call. It got to the point where it suddenly became second nature. Whenever one of us needed to talk to the other person or vent about something, we would pick up the phone because every time we had sex, we would talk for hours after. It wasn't just hookups and that was somehow refreshing. We wouldn't just sleep together and then leave. We would stay up for hours and talk or immediately go to bed and then talk for hours over breakfast in the morning. Sometimes even both. It even got to the point where we would just call each other to talk on the phone about whatever was on our minds or keeping us up at night even when we were miles apart and there was no way we could ever reach each other to have sex. No strings attached.

Phone calls:

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- "Hey, I know this is kind of going to be last minute but I really need sex...like right now."

-"Joe I have like an hour before I have to go to the airport, I'll be back in a week."

-"You really think I can wait a week?"

-"Fine, I'll send you the address."

-"you cave so damn easily."

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-"guess who just got to Cincinnati and had a horrible hookup last night?"

-"please don't tell me you're still trying to find sex through Those stupid dating apps. I keep telling you that they never work."

-"yeah, well, ever since we started this whole 'no string attached' shit, my vibrator isn't getting the job done."

-"I am going to take that as a compliment. I'll pick you up, I'll be there in 20 minutes."

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-"hey, you seemed off last night and I didn't know if I should bring it up or not last night. Everything okay?"

-"no. Not really. Shayla... she uh- she passed away three years ago on Monday. It just never gets easier, y'know?"

-"oh wow, Joe, I am so sorry. I had no idea. I wouldn't have called and asked to hook up if I knew."

-"please don't be sorry, I knew being with you would help so that's why I agreed."

-"okay...well I'm here if you need to talk about it. You can vent, yell, laugh, or cry for all I care."

-"you would really do that?"

-"of course, Joe. Just because our deal is no strings attached doesn't mean I'm heartless."

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-"I'm sorry to call so late, I just couldn't sleep and I was hoping you'd be awake."

-"don't worry about it, I'm literally just watching some black hole videos right now. I'm actually in Athens this weekend, though, I'm sorry, I thought I told you. Are you comfortable with doing it over the phone? Or I can send some pictures if that'll help."

-"No I know you are, I actually just had the worst day ever and I kind of need someone to talk to for a little bit. Lily is out with her costars tonight."

-"yeah, yeah of course. We can talk as long as you need to, I don't have anything to do in the morning."

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3 months in

After getting off of the plane for a one of the smallest layovers in Cincinnati, I immediately got a call on my phone from none other than Joe Burrow. Well that was quick. I began to laugh to myself as I grabbed my bag and threw it on my back. Before I answered the call, I sent a quick text to my parents saying I made it to Cincinnati and then I answered Joe's call. "I think that's a new record." I laughed while making my way through the busy airport, dodging people left and right who were frantically walking around from either one, missing a flight, or two, were about to miss a flight. After years of being in an airport I've learned that it's always one of those two when you see a person with a scowl on their face. That or they just don't like airports.

"Oh shut up. You told me you were supposed to land at 2 so I called at 2:20. I figured 20 minutes was enough time and guess what, I was right." He said with a small laugh. I rolled my eyes with another laugh and then said, "so what time do you want me to get to your house?" For a few seconds Joe was quiet on the other end of the phone. So quiet that I had to pull my phone away from my ear to check if one of us accidentally hung up on the other person. "Uhh- you there?" I asked him. "Oh yeah, yeah. Sorry. What the heck," Joe said, sounding like he was completely distracted and not paying attention to the call what so ever, "finally!" I pulled the phone away from my ear at the sudden loud noise and squinted my eyes a little bit. "I'll just go to my hotel now and you can call me when you're free. That okay?" I asked him.

Once again, there was a long pause, making me let out a small scoff. "Dude." I said. I knew there were no strings attached and no expectations that came with this, but the least he could do was tell me he was busy instead of making me walk around this busy airport while trying to get his attention. "Okay, okay. Look to the right." He said. As soon as he said this, my once fast pace became slow and I furrowed my brows. What did he mean look to the right? Very slowly, I began to turn my head in the direction he told me to look in and as soon as I did, I found him standing by the entrance. Although he wore a baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants with his hood up and a pair of black sun glasses in an attempt to hide his identity - which was working so far - I could tell it was him just by the way he was standing there with that dorky smile on his face.

My eyes then dropped down to the small sign in his hand and noticed the writing, 'Vivian Ward,' on it. After about a month of hooking up with Joe on a random night after meeting up, I made him watch my all time favorite movie with him, 'pretty women,' but this is the first time he actually acknowledged it other than telling me he disliked the movie because it didn't have enough action in it. I immediately put a hand over my mouth and pulled the phone away from my ear and began to laugh out loud before I suddenly became aware of all of the people around me who began to stare, thinking I was just some girl randomly laughing in an airport. I shut my mouth immediately and looked around at the people staring at me before I looked back over at Joe who was also laughing, mostly at the way I nervously looked around.

Ending the call, I slipped my phone into my pant pocket and started walking over to Joe while continuing to laugh and shake my head at him. Once I reached him, I grabbed ahold of the sign and folded it to hide the words on it and then nudged his arm slightly. "Hey Vivian ward." Joe laughed and backed away from me before grabbing the sign from me and opening it back up. "If you're going to refer to me as Vivian, you need to at least pay me every time I have sex with you like he did." I laughed as we began to walk out of the airport together and to his car. All of a sudden while we were walking, Joe reached into his pocket to grab his wallet and then pulled out a crisp 100 dollar bill from inside of it. My mouth dropped wide open as he dangled it right in front of me. "Put that away you dick. That makes me feel like a hooker. I'm not a hooker, I just hook up with you." I laughed. "Okay fine, no money then." He laughed and put the money and wallet back into his pocket.

With another laugh, I rolled my eyes up at him as we walked. I couldn't help but wonder why he picked me up though. He usually never did, and if he wanted me to his house faster, he just bought me an uber ride to his house. Never did he once step foot in the airport after I landed. "So why did you pick me up? I could have just gotten an uber to your house." I said. With a small shrug, Joe looked down at me. "Just because we hook up all the time doesn't mean we can't be friends, right?" He asked me while looking down at me with a small smile. I rolled my eyes and waited for him to elbow me in the arm to signal that he was joking, but that never came. For a few seconds I searched his face and tried to pick him apart in the hopes of reading him better; He wore that innocent smile with no hint of sarcasm what so ever, and I knew in this moment that he wasn't joking. I knew we were friends but I didn't know we would ever actually do 'friend' things together like pick each other up from the airport. The only things we usually did was talk for hours on the phone or talk for hours after hooking up. This got some reason felt extremely refreshing though.

"I guess, but don't think I'm going to want to go to your games this fall because we're friends. I draw the line at watching football." I joked with him as we reached his black Porsche, knowing he would never want to be seen with a girl he hooks up with behind the scenes. Before getting into the drivers seat, Joe walked over to the passenger side of the car and then opened the door for me and stepped aside so I could slide in. "You wouldn't be able to say no if I asked you." He said with a wink. With another playful eye roll, I shook my head and then ducked inside of the car and buckled up while Joe shut my door carefully and then walked around the front of his car where he reached for the drivers side door and then opened it up. Once he was inside of the car, he started it up and then looked over at me and when I met his gaze, I furrowed my brows slightly, recognizing a hint of uncertainty in his eyes that made me nervous. "Everything okay?" I asked quickly while leaning back slightly in a concerned manner. After spending months with Joe it became easier to pick up on his subtle mannerisms, especially because I was already extremely observant.

Quickly, Joe forced a smile on his face and nodded quickly before he swallowed hard and then looked away from me. After reaching for the shifter and putting the car in drive, Joe put his left hand on the steering wheel and the other he rested on my thigh where he brought it extremely close to my core that started throbbing immediately when I felt his fingers tapping gently on my thigh to the beat of the music. I couldn't help but let out a small anticipatory sigh while running my fingers through my hair and waiting for a response, but still I could tell something was wrong - or rather, off - with him. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" He asked me with a small wink and then focussed on the road in front of him.

Deciding that I didn't want to pry in an attempt to get him to tell me what was making him look so worked up and unfocused, I shook it off and put a small smile on my face when he looked over at me. If there was one thing I learned about Joe in our time spent hooking up and getting to know each other, is that he doesn't really keep anything in when he gets comfortable around people. So, I knew that if he wanted to keep this in and not tell me, it was probably something he truly wanted to just keep to himself and therefore it was none of my business. The only thing I had to worry about was walking into his house and getting under him as quickly as I could, and I knew Joe felt the same way, especially when I looked down and saw him palming himself in his pants.

While he drove, the both of us couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Joe's hand was glued to my thigh and my hand was placed on top of his hand that traced the many veins that decorated his hand and disappeared under the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Continuously, I kept fidgeting in my seat in an attempt to achieve any relief I could possibly find. The aching in my core intensified with each and every passing second during this car ride that felt forever long. From next to me, Joe took his hand off of the steering wheel occasionally to adjust himself in his pants, and every time he did he furrowed his brows and let out small sighs, and I could only guess that the feeling of his dick pressing up against his pants was making for an uncomfortable drive that I knew for almost 100% certain, felt like was passing in slow motion for him as well.

When Joe finally pulled into his driveway, he parked the car in his garage quickly and after turning off his car, we both opened the doors up and quickly slid out of the car. While Joe fumbled with his keys in an attempt to find the one for the garage door that led into the house, I stood behind him with my hands on his waist and started to press kisses along his back. With a low anticipatory groan, Joe swore under his breath before he found the key and then frantically stuck the key into the hole and twisted it before swinging open the door and turning around to face me.

Before I even had time to react, Joe placed both of his hands on my hips and lifted me onto him with ease. With a small giggle, I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, locking my ankles behind his back as he quickly turned around again and headed inside. While he shut the door and then headed for the stairs that led to the bedroom, Joe leaned forwards and captured my lips with his in a rushed and messy kiss, the both of us letting out groans into the kiss as I pulled at the hairs on the back of his head. "I need you." I moaned into the kiss while he squeezed my ass hard and then placed a hand on my back to ensure that I didn't fall while he carried me up the stairs, although I knew he would never drop me.

Joe walked up the stairs as the both of us kissed each other frantically while he tried his best to take quick steps while also making sure that I was secure in my position and wouldn't fall. In no time, Joe kicked open his already cracked open bedroom door and walked inside of it before pressing my back to the wall. With a small moan, I reached down and grabbed ahold of Joe's sweatshirt and pulled it over his head. With a small laugh, Joe lifted up his hands while I slid it off of his body and then when his was off, he reached for the buttons on my shirt and started to unbutton them.

The rushed movements of his fingers mixed with the size of his hands made it difficult for Joe to unbutton my uniform I had to wear on flights, so both of us started to laugh when I reached down and swatted his hands away and started to undo them myself. "Maybe one day you'll be able to unbutton my uniform." The both of us laughed since so far, Joe has struggled with these small buttons every time we hooked up after a flight. Once all of the buttons were undone, I threw off my shirt and immediately after, Joe began to shake his head while his eyes dropped down to look at the way my breasts laid in my bra. A small smile spread across his face when I reached behind me and unclipped my bra, letting the straps slide off of my shoulders. Joe stared at my breasts with wide eyes before leaning forwards and placing his mouth around my left nipple. I leaned my head back and began to let out soft moans as he began to suck and bite gently.

From inside of my panties I could feel my own arousal coating my thighs so after a few seconds I gently tugged at his hair, making him lean back from my breast until his eyes met mine. "I can't wait." I sighed out. Joe immediately turned around and headed for the bed while he placed a few kisses on my neck and chest, and, before I knew it, he was placing me gently down on his bed. After I was comfortable in his bed with him towering over me, still off of the bed, he placed his hands on the sides of my skirt and began to pull it down. I lifted my butt up slightly to help him take it off of me and after he took it all the way off, he threw it to the side and then looked down at me in only a thong.

Wasting no time, Joe hooked his fingers underneath of the straps of my thong and began to slowly and steadily slide them off of me while never breaking eye contact with me. I breathed heavily, the anticipation driving me absolutely insane as my walls clenched around nothing. While Joe slid off my thong, he lifted my leg in the air and began to run his fingers up and down my leg until I was left laying unclothed in his bed with his gaze on my bare body. Nervously, I closed my legs slightly while propping myself up on my elbows. "Don't hide from me." Joe said and then gently placed his hands on my knees and opened up my legs until I was on full display for him, "fuck." He groaned.

After a few seconds of staring at my body, he quickly took off pants while I paid no attention and scooted farther on the bed so I was in the middle of it. Once he was unclothed himself, he began to crawl in between my legs, the bed creaking slightly and dipping under his weight. When he was fully over top of me, I couldn't help but notice that same look in his eyes that he wore in the car, making me once again start to worry. Although he looked uncertain, he lowered his head and started to suck and kiss at the soft skin on my neck, making me let out a soft moans. But, after a few minutes passed and he still continued to kiss my neck while reaching down and letting out frustrated groans, I couldn't not get curious.

With a groan, I moved my head away from his lips and looked down to see what was going on. When I looked though, I couldn't stop my mouth from dropping open in shock. While Joe kissed my neck and acted like nothing was wrong, he was stroking his dick frantically in an attempt to get hard. Holy shit. He couldn't get it up. "Fuck." Joe groaned in a frustrated tone while he propped himself up above me and now looked down so he could concentrate better. "Let me try." I giggled and went to reach down but he moved away from my hand but still stayed over top of me. "This has never fucking happened before." He said angrily. I now propped myself up on my elbows as my eyes scanned over his face, taking in his angry and confused expression. "Joe it's fine. It happens." I said, although I was trying so incredibly hard not to take it personal.

"No. No it's not fine. I fucking pick you up from the airport and I can't even fucking get hard for you." He raised his voice. After a few more seconds of him still trying to get hard, I began to try and scoot out from under him but he leaned his weight on me some more in attempt to keep me under him. "Just wait." He said quickly. I let out a small groan as he put an uncomfortable amount of weight on me. "I promise you it's fine. We can just build some legos or something before I go to my hotel for the night." I said, but still, he continued to jerk off in the hopes that he would get hard. "I need this." He told me in a low tone that made me want to get out from under him, so I finally spoke up, knowing something was wrong. "Get off of me." I told him in a a serious tone which ended up coming out way more harsh than I anticipated it to be.

There was no way something else wasn't going on inside that head of his and I'd be damned if I was going to sit around and wait for him to make himself get turned on by me. I really had no idea what was going on but if there was even a sliver of a chance that he wasn't into this anymore then so be it, but I wasn't going to keep doing this with him if he couldn't at least fake it. I knew my worth. As soon as Joe could tell I was serious and that I didn't want this anymore, he immediately looked over at me and then started to get off of me, the bed creaking more from the movement until he was all the way off of me. With a small sigh of relief once Joe wasn't putting an uncomfortable amount of weight on me anymore, I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear while sitting up and grabbing ahold of a nearby throw blanket and wrapping it around myself so I wasn't exposed.

"I'm sorry. Shit. This is so fucking embarrassing." Joe said as he got off of the bed. My eyes scanned his face, taking in the noticeable angry and frustrated facial features that were on full display: clenched jaw, furrowed brows, squinted eyes, flared nostrils, head down, and lack of eye contact. "It's fine, really," I said and was about to try and offer some more words of affirmation to make him feel better about what just happened, but he spoke before me. "It's not fine! Fuck! Just stop!" He yelled at me, turning quickly to look at me as I sat in his bed in shock. The both of us just stared at each other for a few seconds, letting what he yelled at me sink in for a moment. "Okay I don't know what's going on with you and I know we only hook up, but you don't raise your fucking voice at me, okay? Shit happens, Joe, so stop acting like a fucking baby." I told him and began to slide off of the bed with the blanket still around me, suddenly becoming more insecure about standing in front of him on full display.

Joe, not expecting me to react the way I did, stared at me the entire time as I went to walk past him so I could get my suit case from downstairs since the clothes I took off after getting here was my uniform. "I'm going to go. Cool the fuck off before calling me again, yeah?" I told him. I grabbed my clothes off of the ground and then went to walk past him but he quickly put his hands on the top of his head and took a step away from me. "Please don't leave. Not now. Not today." He told me frantically, worry laced in his voice. With a small eye roll, I was about to ignore him and leave the room, but just as I was about to walk past him, Joe said hesitantly, "Shayla would've been 27 today," in a tone that made my heart ache for him. I immediately froze in place and waited there in the doorway while looking up at Joe. I quickly brought my hand up to my face and covered my mouth with my hand slightly, brushing my fingers over my lips.

I shook my head slowly as tears began to form in Joe's eyes, having no idea what to say to him in this moment. One thing we never really talked about was Shayla. She meant everything to him and then one day, she was just...gone. We've talked about how sudden and unexpected it was; car accident. He told me about how she could light up a room with just her presence alone. How he thought he would spend the rest of his life with her. But that was it. So the fact that he's standing in front of me right now and is willing to talk about her makes me scared because I have no idea what to say. I didn't have to ever go through this because I fortunately was never forced to mourn after someone I loved died. So how was I supposed to react or make him feel better? "Please?" Joe told me quietly. After a few seconds passed, Joe couldn't hold back his tears anymore and they began to roll down his rosy cheeks while he looked at the ground. "I don't- What can I do?" I asked him, tears streaming down my cheeks now as I continued to stand here in nothing but a blanket wrapped around me, in front of Joe who was also unclothed.

"Please stay. Just for tonight. I can drive you back to the airport tomorrow," Joe said and then trailed his eyes up to meet my gaze, "I don't want to be alone tonight." With a small sigh, I motioned towards the stairs with my hand, and as soon as I did, Joe perked up slightly, thinking I was still going to leave. With a small shake of my head, I looked back over at him and said, "i'm going to get my suitcase so I can change, okay? I'm not gonna leave." I could practically see the tension that he had been carrying with him since the airport physically leave his body and his facial features softened, realizing he didn't have to be alone tonight. "Okay." Joe said as he pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth and started to chew on the skin around his bottom lip as well as the insides of his cheeks, a nervous tick I also shared with him.

When Joe turned around and headed for his clothes that he discarded on the ground so he could get dressed himself, I headed downstairs to get my suit case. On the way down, I couldn't stop myself the tears from streaming down my cheeks while thinking about the facade Joe always tried to maintain. He wanted people to think he has moved on. That he is strong and resilient because even though his girlfriend died he didn't let himself morn for too long. What people don't realize about Joe is that he is still mourning. He is still so incredibly hurt because he lost the love of his life and what makes it even worse is him putting up that wall and pretending that he is moved on from it, which makes it hard for the people around him to make Joe let them in.

Once I grabbed my suitcase, I headed back upstairs with it and then got changed in the bathroom. I threw on a pink sweatsuit that I packed, thinking I was just going to lounge around in it after ordering room service once I got to the hotel. After I got dressed, I threw my wavy hair up into a messy bun on the top of my head, the pieces too short to fit into the bun falling out and becoming framing pieces around my face. I stood in front of the mirror that I frequently looked into while Joe gripped onto my hips and thrusted inside of me while letting out grunts near my ear and holding my hips still, and I wondered if he had ever used our no strings agreement as a way to clear his mind of Shayla other than just today.

When I was ready, I opened the door and looked into the bedroom to see Joe sitting on the edge of the bed with his hands resting on his thighs. While I made my way over to him, Joe continued to stare at the ground, obviously zoning off and oblivious to the fact that I was now walking towards him. After reaching the bed, I slowly sank into the bed next to Joe. The bed dipping under my weight tore Joe away from his thoughts as he looked over at me as I settled in next to him. When we made eye contact, I gave him a small smile and he returned it with an extremely weak one. I opened my mouth to say something. To offer him my condolences in an attempt to make him feel better, but nothing came to my mind. I was useless.

We both sat in silence for a few seconds before I noticed Joe staring straight ahead once again, but this time a small smile spread across his face. It wasn't too noticeable, but it was there. It looked like he was happy. That telling look flashed in his eyes and I knew he was thinking about Shayla. About all of the times they spent together that he would never let himself forget. "Tell me about her." I said quietly, tearing him away from his thoughts once again as he looked over at me. "Really?" He asked me, sounding somewhat shocked that I was willing to let him talk about her. "Yeah. What was she like?" I asked him. With a small chuckle, Joe looked straight ahead and started to shake his head while more memories of her flooded his head.

"Well, She was the most amazing person ever. We met in college when she asked me for the notes she missed and in that exact moment, I fell in love with her, I swear I did," he said and then continued on, "With her eyes. With her smile. With that laugh. I would do anything just to hear her laugh again. She- she had this little thing she would do subconsciously where she would stick her tongue out when she was concentrating really hard on something." Joe said, making the both of us laugh while we imagined her sticking out her tongue while concentrating. "She could always light up a room with her presence alone," he said and then turned to look at me with a smile on his face, but then he got a little serious, "she might've been small but she was intimidating. Damn was she intimidating. When she spoke people listened, and I don't mean half assed tuning in here and there, I mean people really shut the fuck up and listened. And man, she had a way with words, spoken and written. I always used to tell her to write a book and she would say, 'oh Joseph I don't even know what I would write about,' and I would joke and say, 'write about us.'"

The both of us laughed as he shared funny stories and memories from the years they spent together: when they first went on a date and she slipped on the ice and landed on her back, when he first met her parents and he was so nervous that he forgot to put the car in park and it rolled out into the street, when Joe won the national championship and had to search for her in a sea of people after the game, and how before his first NFL game when he was so nervous, he called her in the locker room and she knew exactly what to say to help him. We talked for so long that we eventually went downstairs and sat on the couch where we opened up a new Lego set and started to built it together. Still, we continued to talk about Shayla, because I knew Joe needed it. The way his face lit up when he rambled on and on about how amazing she was or how much he loved her caused my smile to never leave my face, and all I wanted was for everyone else to realize just how amazing Joe Burrow was.

After about an hour and a half of talking about her and letting Joe get every single thing off of his chest that he was holding in, we ended up ordering a pizza where we sat on the couch to eat it. After Joe said something funny and the both of us laughed about it for a few seconds, my smile faded as I tried to build up the courage to ask Joe something I've been wanting to get off of my chest. I knew it shouldn't make him upset, but I didn't know if he was going to take it the wrong way. Finally, I looked over at him as I swallowed the piece of pizza in my mouth. "I don't want this to come off the wrong way or anything, but why pick me up in the airport for sex if you knew what today was?" I asked him. Joe's eyes quickly looked up to meet mine and then looked down just as fast while he set his pizza down on his plate on the coffee table in front of him. "I didn't want sex. I just wanted to talk to you." He told me. "I get that, but i would've come even if I knew we weren't planning on having sex." I said.

Immediately after I said this, Joe perked up some and raised his eyebrows slightly. "Really?" He asked me. With a small eye roll, I turned to face him more on the couch while tucking my legs under my body. "Yes, Joe. Just like you said, just because we hook up doesn't mean we can't be friends. We talk for hours on the phone when one of us needs to vent, in person is no different. No strings attached also means we have...like- like a fucking therapist. We always have someone to talk to." I told him. A small smile spread across Joe's face as he turned to face me more now, the realization setting in that he could invite me over his house more often, even just to talk. "Good, because I don't know why, but lately, you're the only person I want to be around." He said. "Wow, alright...slow down buddy," I joked with him. "Shut the fuck up." Joe laughed and threw a pillow at me. I opened up my arms and caught the pillow against my chest, the both of us maintaining eye contact as we laughed together.

We held eye contact for a few seconds as our laughter faded, but that soft smile never left Joe's face and neither did mine. "But same. Lily's hard to reach since she's filming her new movie so you're pretty much the only person I have to talk to...or really want to talk to for that matter." I said with a small sigh. Joe raised both of his hands in the air and leaned back a little bit. "Woah...slow your roll. No strings attached remember." Joe joked with me. I watched as he struggled to keep a straight face while we both looked into each other's eyes. The corners of his mouth kept curling up into a small smile and each time he flared his nostrils and clenched his jaw in an attempt to keep a smile off of his face. "Shut the fuck up." I copied what he said and then threw the pillow at him.

With a small over exaggerated gasp, Joe caught the pillow and looked at me like I betrayed him by throwing the pillow at him. "Oh no you didn't." He said and then stood up off of the couch with a small grunt. With a laugh, I scooted away from him while still staying on the couch, but he continued to walk closer to me while trying to look angry. "Joe stop," I laughed but he still inched closer and closer to me, "Joseph." I repeated. Still, he continued to walk slowly over to me until he stopped in front of me, and I knew exactly what was about to happen. All of a sudden, he lunged at me. With a small scream, I flung myself off of the couch and started to flee in the opposite direction while giggles spewed from my mouth until I was on the other side of the coffee table where he couldn't get me.

I pointed at him as the both of us just stared at each other, each of us waiting for the other person to make the first move. "I am so not in the mood for this right now. It's too late." I said, although we both knew I loved when we messed around with each other, no matter the time or situation. "You threw a pillow at me." Joe stated with that toothy smile on his face. "You threw the pillow at me first." I said with a small, 'hmph.' As soon as I said this, Joe tilted his head while making small, 'tsk' sounds with his mouth. Before I knew it, Joe started to run around the coffee table so I booked it in the opposite direction. Our laughter mixed with the sound of our footsteps pattering on the ground filled the entire house, reminding me of being a little kid again and running around the house with my siblings.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't even realize Joe had stopped chasing me, instead waiting for me to run around the coffee table to get to him. So, when I finally realized that I was about to get caught, it was already too late. "Shit!" I swore as Joe wrapped his arms around me. I put both of my hands on his chest and pushed him back in an attempt to get away from him, but his arms were securely wrapped around me which held me closely and extremely tightly to him. "You suck at this game." Joe laughed. I grunted in defeat as I continued to push on his chest, and just when I was about to give up, Joe lost his balance and the both of us started to lean towards the ground. I sealed my eyes shut as Joe's arms remained wrapped around me while we headed for the ground, making sure to keep me closely to him so he was the one who landed on the ground and not me.

There was a loud thud as Joe landed on the floor, making both me and Joe laugh like crazy when we finally made eye contact, realizing how childish we were acting. Once on the ground, I got out of Joe's grasp and tried to stand up, but Joe put his hands on my shoulders and drug me back down until my head landed in his lap. I sealed my eyes shut as I continued to laugh, my body going limp since I knew I wouldn't be able to get out of this situation since Joe always had to be the winner of everything, even childish games like this one. "You win you win." I laughed and then opened my eyes back up. When I opened them back up, I found Joe's bright blue eyes which were staring straight into mine. We continued to laugh for a few seconds before Joe raised his hand up and brought it close to my eye. "You have super long eye lashes." Joe said and began to gently feel my eye lashes on my right eye with his finger. With a small giggle, I swatted his hand away until he leaned back and put both of his arms behind him, propping himself up while I kept my head in his lap.

"It's the power of mascara. Guess what kind I have." I asked him and blinked quickly, fluttering my eye lashes while looking into his eyes. "You think I know a single kind of mascara? I'm a man." He said with a chuckle. "You can take that toxic masculinity and get out," I said, although I knew it was his house and that the only person who would be leaving it was me, "it's called better than sex." With a small smirk, I raised my eyebrows up and down quickly while Joe ran his fingers through my hair. As soon as I said what kind of mascara I use, Joe furrowed his eyebrows down at me and let out a small scoff. "Not better than our sex. Maybe the last guy from one of your stupid dating apps, but certainly not any sex you've had with me." He winked down at me with that panty dropping smirk.

"Your ego is just so high isn't it? Sex with you is mediocre at best." I laughed and raised my hand up and shoved his shoulder a little bit, although we both knew that sex with each other was anything but mediocre. Before I could drop my hand back down, Joe let out a fake offended scoff and grabbed ahold of my hand and placed it on my stomach so I couldn't move it anymore. "I want you to look at me and tell me that sex with me isn't better than any sex you've had in the past." He said, keeping that small smirk on his face the entire time. With a smile on my face as well, I opened my mouth to tell him that I've had better sex, but as soon as I was about to tell him, I suddenly blanked out. I tried to think of other men i've had sex with in the past, but my thoughts kept circling back to Joe and how unbelievably amazing he makes me feel every time we have sex.

My thoughts were not only consumed with how he makes me feel while having sex with him, but also how good he can make me feel with his mouth or hands alone. No man before Joe ever made me scream out in pure ecstasy and before Joe, I never knew how amazing sex could be. So, as I laid here on the ground with my head in Joe's lap, looking up at him with my mouth hanging open and trying to lie to him, I felt unable to. I furrowed my brows in dismay and closed my mouth. "That's what I thought. If I hear you use mediocre and sex in the same sentence while referring to me, our little no strings attached deal is done, alright?" Joe joked around, "our sex is far from mediocre, and it isn't just because of me."

I raised an eyebrow up at him as soon as he said that I had something to do with our sex being far from mediocre, making Joe roll his eyes down at me. "I am never going to forget that you said that. Joe fucking Burrow, Joe Sheisty, Joe cool, saying I have a part in making our sex great? Fuck, I can die happy." The both of us began to laugh while Joe shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. While I laughed, I could feel my eyelids start to get heavy and I began to yawn. Sealing my eyes shut, I let out a small noise while yawning, making Joe chuckle down at me. "What time do you have to catch a flight tomorrow?" He asked me once I was done yawning. "I have to be at the airport at seven in the morning." I said nonchalantly, although as soon as I said it Joe's eyebrows shut up to his hairline. "Seven in the morning? Why aren't we asleep right now?" He asked me and looked at his phone to see the time, immediately showing me that it was already 12 in the morning.

"Joseph, not everyone needs to go to bed at 8 in order to get up early like you do. You're like a child." I joked with him. Joe looked away from me while setting his phone back down on the ground, feeling somewhat offended by my comment. "Yeah, yeah. Well, sleep is important to me, okay? And a lot of other people." He said, trying to defend himself and the fact that he goes to bed extremely early except for during the small off season he gets. "I know it is, but I can sleep when I die." I said with a small smile and started to roll off of his lap so I could stand up and go get ready for bed since I could tell Joe wanted to go to bed. Joe reluctantly let me stand up, but he stayed on the ground. Before I walked away, I looked down at him and noticed that his eyes were glued on me the entire time, even when I started to walk away. Finally, I turned around and muttered a small, "you coming?" Immediately, Joe stood up with a smile on his face and walked towards me while saying, "Don't have to tell me twice."

3 months later- During the season

"Faster." I moaned out while looking into the mirror at Joe as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth while slamming his hips against mine. Both of Joe's hands dug into the skin around my hips which forced my hips back every time his snapped against mine, wanting to go as deep as he could. I continuously let out open mouthed moans while making eye contact with him in the bathroom mirror as the tip of his dick hit my g spot repeatedly. Every time his hips met mine, small grunts left Joe's mouth, the droplets of sweat that decorated his forehead not going unnoticed by me. "Don't stop." I moaned loudly. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as soon as I felt the tip of his dick hit my cervix. A mix of nausea and pure ecstasy washed over me, making me grip ahold of the bathroom counter as hard as I could. I knew I wouldn't last much longer.

After a few more seconds of Joe thrusting hard and fast into my tight walls, I felt a knot in my stomach and in no time, Joe dropped one of his hands down to my swollen clit and began to rub small circles into it. My knees started to give out and I struggled to stay standing, so Joe wrapped his other arm around my waist securely to make sure I stayed standing upright and rutted into me. Now in this position, Joe bent down more so his chest was pressed up against my back. "Cum for me baby." Joe groaned into my ear. After a few seconds of being in this position with Joe rubbing gentle circles into my clit, I angled my head up and opened my mouth in pure ecstasy as my orgasm crashed over me. "O-oh fuck." I moaned out as my body began to shake, my legs especially.

Almost immediately after, I felt a small twitch inside of me before Joe pulled out. I let out a few soft moans while leaning on the counter some more, needing a few minutes to relax and let my orgasm wash over me before I tried to conquer walking. "Holy shit." Joe chuckled from behind me. My eyes quickly looked up into the mirror until I saw Joe who was breathing heavily and running his fingers through his hair. "Holy shit." I  repeated. The both of us began to laugh as Joe leaned down and started to gather up our clothes off of the ground. I closed my eyes gently and took a few deep breaths before I opened them back up and turned around to see joe holding my clothes in front of me. "Do you mind if I shower really quick before I leave?" I asked him while grabbing the clothes from him that he was holding out for me. "You aren't staying the night? Aren't you here for the weekend?" He asked me. "Yeah, but I left all of my things at the hotel before coming here." I told him, taking my hair out of the loose braid i wore on the plane ride over here.

"You can just wear my clothes," he told me, but when he knew I wasn't fully convinced he added in, "I'm watching what I eat because of the season but I can DoorDash you anything." I squinted up at him, not knowing if I should stay here or go home. Whenever I stayed like this I always felt like I was bothering him in some way; like he was taking pity on me and that if I stayed I would only be in the way. "C'mon, I want you to stay. You won't be a bother and you won't be in the way." Joe told me. After spending a half of a year with each other, Joe got really good at reading me. I was always good at reading him because I have always been observant. I would rather sit back and let the people around me have a conversation while I listened attentively and picked up on their small mannerisms.

With Joe, it took him a while to start to pick up on the small and subtle differences. But one day, he started to notice those small and subtle changes in my demeanor or attitude. For some reason he became the only person besides Lily who could truly read me, and when I say read me, I mean read me like an open book. It was like he could tell exactly what I was thinking in any given moment. "Fine, but I'm getting wingstop." I told him, a small smile making its way onto my face when Joe's face lit up, realizing that I was going to stay the night. "Okay, wingstop it is. I'll order it when you're in the shower so it'll be here by the time you get out." He told me and started to head for the door, that smile never leaving his face. "But you don't know what I want." I said and started to follow after him, wanting to make sure he got everything correct.

"5 bone in hickory smoked barbecue wings with a small fry. Add on 2 extra crispy hot honey rub tenders. Extra ranch. Large diet dr. Pepper." Joe said while he continued to walk out of the bathroom. As he got farther away, he spoke louder in order for me to hear him from inside of the bathroom. All I could do was stand there and shake my head in shock. Then as I stood there I remembered that Joe told me I could wear his clothes so I continued to walk out of the bathroom. "Wear anything you want." He said, almost yelling since he was already walking down the stairs so he could make his dinner. I threw my hands up in the air before letting them drop hard against the sides of my body, letting out a small laugh. "Oh boy." I said while shaking my head.

Once I heard Joe's footsteps disappear down the stairs, I headed out of the bathroom and walked into Joe's walk in closet. My eyes scanned the closet that was pretty much the size of the bathroom. There were rows and rows of clothes all organized in a specific way: rows for sweatshirts, rows for T shirts, going out shirts, and pre game outfits. Rows for his friends clothing brands, sweatpants, jeans, dress pants, and shorts. Everything. My eyes then landed on the part of the closet specifically designed for his shoes. My mouth practically dropped open as I looked at all of the different shoes he had; some from the same brand like all of his air Jordan's, and some that I've never even heard of before. Although I've been to Joe's house so many times over these past six months, I've never once stepped foot in his closet. I've imagined what it would look like every single time I got a little peak inside of it when he opened it, but I never imagined that it would be this immense with so much diversity.

After looking around and probably being a little too nosy, I picked out a pair of grey sweatpants and the LSU sweatshirt Joe gives me in the mornings after hooking up, and then I hopped into the shower where I took advantage of the fact that Joe probably doesn't stress over his water bill being too high...considering the fact that he makes more money in just one month than I make in a whole year.

After my shower, I got dressed and braided my hair since I didn't have any of my curly hair products with me since I wasn't planning on spending the night, and then I headed downstairs. Immediately after I stepped out of the bedroom, the smell of wingstop flooded my nose and instantly put a smile on my face. While slipping my phone into the large pocket of Joe's sweatpants, I started to walk downstairs. About halfway down, Joe came into view so I looked over to my right to see him standing by the stove making his dinner. On the island counter there was a big Wingstop bag and next to it was a big stack of napkins since he knew I tended to make a mess when I ate.

As I stepped onto the last stair which creaked slightly under my weight, Joe perked up some and then turned around to see where the noise came from. Right when he noticed that it was me, a small smile spread across his face and he began to shake his head. "Finally. You took so long. It's boring without you." Joe said. With a small, "oh yeah?" I headed for the kitchen and once I got there, I slid onto the island stool that the wingstop bag was in front of and thanked Joe for the food. "Don't let that get to your head, I just don't like being lonely." Joe said, covering up for him admitting that it was boring without me. I began to laugh while grabbing my things out of the bag in front of me. "Yet you live in a mansion. Maybe get an apartment instead." I joked with him.

Joe turned around and flipped over the chicken that was in the pan on the stove before turning back around and leaning on the counter behind him. "Do you think I would get as many bitches as I do if I had a small apartment? I don't think so." He said with a smirk on my face and then added in a little wink. We held eye contact for a few seconds while I scowled at him. "I swear if you give me an std I will kill you." As soon as I said this, Joe's mouth dropped wide open and he scoffed. "Why do you think I wear a condom when I have sex with you?" I raised my hand up and placed it over my mouth while furrowing my eyebrows. "Ew shut the fuck up." I said, although I couldn't help but laugh. Joe just chuckled while turning back around to make sure he didn't burn the chicken.

For a few minutes I ate the wings in front of me while scrolling through Instagram. In the background, Joe had on his music that was playing through his phone and we were both singing quietly to the songs. All of a sudden, Joe quickly turned around to look at me, making me freeze in place with the chicken wing between my teeth. My eyes quickly found his and I dropped my phone along with the chicken wing, feeling like I was about to be scolded over something. "I almost forgot. So, you know how the season started and every year the players like to host little get togethers?" Joe asked me. Before he could get any farther with his question, I grabbed a napkin and wiped my mouth off and muttered a small, "I'm not going to one of your games."

No matter how much I loved hanging out with Joe and doing things together that didn't involve just hooking up, I drew the line at going to football games. I would happily watch baseball, basketball, soccer, hockey, or even tennis, but I absolutely cannot stand football. After growing up with my mom who was a nurse and having to hear all of the horror stories about CTE and how many players sustain life long injuries, the sport quickly became one that I couldn't stand to watch. It felt like every time I watched a game someone was down on the field with a concussion, so I wouldn't allow myself to watch Joe play if that meant that there was a possibility of watching him get hurt.

"I wasn't going to ask you about coming to one of my games, I know you don't like football." He told me. By now, he knows that there is no way he is ever going to change my mind on the matter, so he's stopped trying to convince me to come to his games. "It's not that I don't like it. I like sports, it's CTE that I don't like." I told him, wanting him to know that I wasn't one of those girls who hated sports, only the consequences that came with this one in particular. Joe just rolled his eyes at me playfully before finishing what he was trying to tell me. "Anyways, there's a little get together next week on Monday after practice. It's over Sam's house and it's going to be lowkey. Friends and family type thing." He told me. I stared at him for a few seconds while nodding my head slowly, not knowing why he was telling me this or why it mattered.

Still, the both of us continued to stare at each other, both of us waiting for the other person to say something. Only...I didn't know what he was waiting for me to say. Finally, hating the way we were looking at each other in silence, I spoke up. "Sounds like fun?" I asked, the confusion in my voice extremely evident. Joe opened his mouth to say something but then furrowed his eyebrows and shut his mouth quickly. I sat there extremely confused as to why he was acting like this. I began to shake my head until he added in, "what I mean, is that there's a get together next week and I would love if you could go with me." I let out a small laugh as soon as he said this and shoved a fry in my mouth that was drenched in ranch. "Yeah, right." I continued to laugh, breaking eye contact with him so I could continue to eat.

Although we were friends and not just the person we called when we needed a hook up, we were discrete about it. Sure, a few of his friends knew about me because it would have been impossible for him to keep me a secret for six months, but everyone knew what we were doing together. It was the same thing that we knew was going on between us. We were just two people who started to hook up and became friends out of it. I would be lying if I said Joe hasn't become one of my best friends and I knew for almost 100% certain that he would say the same thing, but there was no way he would ever take me to any place that would make it seem like we were together. Joe wasn't a relationship type of person and I was more than okay with that.

"I'm not joking." He told me. Once again I froze before looking up at him. I grabbed my napkin and leaned back in the stool while wiping off my hands and face, knowing that I probably had ranch around my mouth. I squinted my eyes while trying to read his body language, and after a few seconds, I realized that he was telling the truth: he really wanted me to go with him. "No. No way." I laughed. Joe threw his hands up a little bit in confusion and let out a small scoff. "What? Why?" He asked me. My mouth practically dropped open at the question he just asked me. Was he serious? Did he really not know why I wouldn't want to be in a room full of his friends that knew the only reason we became friends was because we were hooking up? For all I knew, they would think I was a whore who was only sleeping with Joe because of his status.

"Oh c'mon. I promise you they won't think you're some slut who's only fucking me because of who I am." Joe said. While we talked, Joe turned around and turned off the stove before taking the pan and hovering it above his plate. "How do you know that? You don't know that." I told him as he tilted the pan and let the chicken slide off of the pan and onto the blue plate under it. "They know you aren't like that because of what I tell them. They know. Trust me." He told me and then turned around to look at me. I bit the inside of my cheek while shaking my head. Why should I go? Yes, I loved hanging out with Joe and spending hours upon hours venting to him and telling him what's weighing on me and vice versa, but I didn't know if I should believe him. There's no way that all of the people going to the party that know about me won't think I'm a slut, and even if it does look that way, which it does, I don't want people to look at me like that.

"Why do you even want me there? Can't you like- pay someone to go with you?" I asked him, although I knew that he would never in a million years pay someone to go with him to a party. "One, I wouldn't have to pay anyone to go with me," Joe said with a wink, "and two, Everyone's going to have their wife or girlfriend there and I'll feel better if you went with me," he began to say but I cut him off, "great, so you only want me there so you aren't the only one without a plus one? How thoughtful." I said with a small laugh. "Would you just let me finish?" He asked me and then left his food so he could walk closer to me. Joe stood on the other side of the island across from me and leaned on it. I could tell he was waiting until he knew he had my undivided attention and wasn't going to interrupt him, so I gave him a small nod.

"I want you there with me. You'll make it more bearable and fun and believe it or not, you don't keep the worse company." He told me. The both of us continued to look into each others eyes, Joe hoping that I would cave and say yes and me still trying to decide on what to do. "I don't know." I told him, genuinely not knowing what to do. I knew that if I was there with him that it would be fun, but I was scared that people would judge me for my choices. Joe, knowing I was still contemplating whether or not to go, added in, "If at any time you feel uncomfortable or just don't want to be there any more, we'll leave, no questions asked. Please." Why was he pushing this so hard? We have never done anything like this before. It was supposed to be a no strings attached thing which meant that we weren't supposed to do anything that involved us acting like we were together. I knew that if we did, I would start to catch feelings for him and I didn't want that. But...I already was, wasn't I? Plus, I was good at ignoring it, one day wouldn't hurt. "Why the fuck not." I told him.

The day of the party

"I can't believe you convinced me to go with you." I told him while digging into my pocket and grabbing out my lipgloss. We left Joe's house not five minutes ago and I'm already regretting my hair and outfit choice. I flipped down the visor since it had a mirror in it and started to mess with my hair. Tucked? Untucked? One side tucked? In a braid? It was way too humid out to just leave it, so I grabbed a bandana that I kept in my purse for times like these, and threw it in my hair so it was out of my face. Then as I was applying my lip gloss, I looked down at the shirt I was wearing. Was my outfit okay? Joe told me it was casual but what if it was too casual?

As I was internally freaking out while Joe was trying to pay attention to the road in front of him, I could see him repeatedly look over at me. Finally, after I couldn't ignore how many times he was looking at me, I turned to look at him and threw my hands up a little. "I look horrible don't I? I knew it." I told him and then looked back into the mirror. "I was actually going to say that you look really good. Look, we don't have to go if you don't want. The only way I'm doing this is if you come with me though." He told me. I knew he wasn't meaning to guilt trip me into going since he would be bailing on his friends if I didn't, but it still felt that way. "Well thanks, and no, I'm not letting you bail on your friends who are expecting you." I told him with a small scoff. "Okay fine, then calm the fuck down," Joe said with a small laugh, "you look great and you have nothing to worry about."

After Joe said this, he let out a sigh and reached up with the hand that wasn't holding onto the steering wheel and began to rub his forehead. I couldn't help but notice the confused look on his face as I opened my mouth so say something. But, before Joe could notice that I knew something was up, I closed my mouth and then shook it off. "I'm gonna trust you on this one." I told him and shut the visor. Leaning back in the seat now of Joe's black Porsche, I rested my head on the head rest and watched the road in front of me, trying to take my mind off of this party that had the possibility of leaving me feeling like I truly was Vivian Ward. "Good. I promise you, it's not going to be nearly as bad as you're making it out to be." He told me. "So it's still gonna be bad is what you're saying?" I said with a small laugh. "I'm a home body, anything that involves leaving my house is at least a little bad." Joe laughed while looking over at me.

When we arrived at Sam's house, I tried my best to push down my nerves and act nonchalant, but I couldn't. I was picking at my nails the entire way up the driveway leading to the front door and I couldn't stop chewing at the insides of my cheeks, both of the nervous ticks I picked up years go. When we walked in, there were so many people who walked up to Joe who were happy to see him. Some even looked surprised that he was here. So far nobody looked at me any differently than the next person, so I shortly became a little less nervous. Still, being surrounded by a bunch of defensive linemen proved to be a little intimidating. Although I feared the worse initially, nobody was looking at me like I was a slut, so that was something, wasn't it?

After Joe talked with some of his teammates for a little bit and they started to disperse throughout the house and outside where the huge pool was, Joe finally stepped away from them and instead stood next to me like before. "Let's get you some alcohol. Loosen you up a little bit." Joe chuckled while putting his hand on the small of my back to guide me through the house that I wasn't familiar with. With a small gasp that could only be heard by the both of us, I tensed up a little bit at the sudden contact. "For a man who doesn't want to give his friends the wrong idea about us, you sure are doing a horrible job." I laughed and then started to walk in front of him after spotting a cooler next to the back door. After years of not being in a relationship, it was clear to see that Joe didn't know how to act around a girl who was just his friend.

Once I grabbed a seltzer from the cooler, both me and Joe walked outside where most of the people were. Since it was hot out, a lot of them had their shoes off and were sitting by the edge of the pool with their legs dangling in the water. "Here," Joe said so I looked behind me to see him pulling out a chair for me to sit in, "unless you want to sit by the pool." I quickly shook my head while looking back at the pool and eying all of the people that were surrounding it. At least the spot Joe picked out was a little less crowded. Since I didn't watch that much football and I wasn't up to date on Joe's friends considering the hook up girl wasn't required to be introduced to them, I wasn't able to recognize most of the men sitting at the table Joe picked out. I could, however, recognize Ja'marr, who was sitting at the table.

Both me and Joe sat down in the chairs that Ja'marr had saved for us, and immediately after, I cracked open my drink and took a big sip out of it, needing my nerves to go away. "So, you must be the famous girl Joe can't stop talking about. I'm Ja'marr." Ja'marr said with a small wink in Joe's direction. With a small laugh, I gave him a nod and introduced myself, but I couldn't help but notice the way Joe's cheeks got all flushed and the way he elbowed Ja'marr. At least I knew that the sex we had was worthy of being shared with his friends. "So how exactly did you meet my boy? Joe over here likes to skip out on some details." Ja'marr asked me, although I could tell he already got all of the inside scoop on how we met and why we were still seeing each other. "Oh we go way back. All the way back to February." I joked with him. My gaze then shifted to Joe who was looking at me with a hint of relief in his expression since I wasn't as nervous as before.

Even though there were more people sitting at the table, the three of us were having conversations of our own. The more I talked with Ja'marr and got more comfortable around him, the more I was able to add into their conversations, and every time I did, I could tell Joe was becoming more and more relieved. "I have to admit. I thought you'd be...different." Ja'marr admitted to me. "Oh geez. How so?" I asked him, although I didn't know if I wanted the answer or not. "Let's just say I thought you'd have fake boobs and a fake ass, for starters." He told me. All three of us started to laugh, but I couldn't help but look down at my chest, realizing that there wasn't much going on. "Your boobs are perfect, don't worry." Joe told me while reaching up and pinching the bridge of his nose as he continued to laugh. "No, no, That wasn't an insult. I just thought you'd look like a slut to be honest with you." Ja'marr said, not wanting me to think he was trying to insult me in any way. "Well in that case, I am going to take that as a compliment." I laughed. "Good, good." He told me.

After a while of talking together, I took the last sip of my drink so I scooted my chair back. As soon as Joe noticed that I was going to get up, he turned his attention towards me and away from Ja'marr who he was talking to. "Where you going?" He asked me. I lifted up my drink and waved it in front of me so Joe could hear - or rather not hear - the sound of an empty can. "I can get you another one." He said and was about to stand up. "Don't worry about it," I told him and stood up, "I have to go pee too."  Once I stood up, I pushed in my chair and headed for the door that led inside.

Joe's pov

I turned my head towards the sliding door as it opened up and watched her walk back outside. My eyes scanned her entire body: her curly hair which was pushed out of her face by her bandana, her shirt which showed the perfect amount of cleavage, her long tan legs. My eyes then landed on that smile. That smile that always put a smile on my face no matter what. As she reached down into the cooler to grab another beer, she was oblivious to the fact that I was staring at her like this... taking in her appearance and the way she floated around. The way she was quiet and wouldn't start a conversation with anyone until they initiated one with her first, and after that she could talk their ear off.

"You are such a fucking liar." Ja'marr said from next to me, tearing my attention away from her as she got swept away into a conversation with someone's girlfriend. With a small scoff, I turned my head to look at him and shrugged in confusion. "What are you taking about." I asked him. Ja'marr's eyes quickly darted between mine and then to somewhere behind me. "I ain't never seen you look at a girl like that, not since Shayla, man." He told me. I began to shake my head while furrowing my eyebrows at him. "Shut the fuck up. I'm just looking at her." I told him, but I couldn't help but think about how happy she made me. I mean he wasn't lying. For the first time in a long time I felt truly happy, and it was because of her. But she was a friend, that's it. I couldn't let myself love someone again.

"Y'know what I think? I think you're falling in love." Ja'marr said while laughing a little bit. My eyes widened as I looked up at him. "No- no. And anyways, I didn't ask for your opinion." I told him, trying to shake it off and change the subject. Once again, I turned my head around to look at her and noticed that she was still having a conversation with someone else. As soon as I looked at her, I swear I could feel my heart beat speed up. I clenched my jaw and then looked away from her and towards Ja'marr. "See, we both know it." He told me. For a few seconds I looked down at my hands that were in my lap and picked at the skin around my nails. So many thoughts were running through my head and I couldn't sort through them. Was I catching feelings for her? I couldn't. I couldn't let myself let anyone get close to me...not again.

After a few seconds, I finally looked up at Ja'marr who was waiting for me to tell him that he was right. To let him know that I was falling in love again after Shayla. But, even if I was, I would never allow myself to love someone like that again. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than let someone in and risk losing them again. "I call her and boom, she shows up at my door at any hour of the day. I mean come on, wouldn't you keep someone around because of that reason? She doesn't keep good company but  she's an easy fuck, that's why I keep her around." I told him.

My pov

"She doesn't keep good company but she's an easy fuck, that's why I keep her around." I heard Joe tell Ja'marr as I got closer to them. My heart dropped in my chest and I could feel tears begin to form in my eyes as I stood there, frozen. My leg's wouldn't move, not even to walk to the back door so I could go inside and get away from Joe. Is that how he really felt about me? I was just an easy fuck? What about all of those late night calls when he wants to get something off of his chest? When we talk for hours and hours at night while trying our absolute hardest not to fall asleep. When we spend the entire day after a hook up together and ditch our plans. Or, or what about when Joe told me that I was the only person he wanted to be around.

This whole time, I never once expected Joe to fall in love with me. I knew he would never look at me that way because of what happened to Shayla...and I was more than okay with that. I knew that no string attached truly meant no strings attached. But, somewhere along the way we became friends, and good ones at that, or so I thought. When we started this whole no string attached agreement, I thought it would only last a few weeks before Joe would get bored or need something more consistent, if not, me wanting to try at a real relationship with someone else. At first I knew that the only reason we were hooking up was because, yes, I was an easy fuck, but never did I once think in these past few months that he looked at me like that. I felt disgusting and used. If I had known that he looked at me like that this whole time, I would have left a long time ago, because I knew I deserved better than that. I was more than just an easy fuck and I thought Joe knew that.

After standing behind Joe for a few seconds with all of these thoughts running through my head, I realized that they still had no clue I had heard them, so I decided to act like nothing was wrong. Why cause a scene and ruin this party for Joe when I could just fake it for a few more hours. One thing that I knew for absolute certain, though, was that after tonight, I was done. I wasn't going to be around a person who pretended to be my friend only because I was an easy fuck. I thought that Joe was different. That through the facade that he put on in an attempt to make it look like he was strong and was over the death of his girlfriend, that he had a good heart. But I was wrong.

"Sorry I took so long, I got caught up in a conversation about football which turned into a conversation about cte." I said while pulling out my chair. Joe immediately turned his head towards me, initially fearing that I had heard what he said, but when I mustered up the best fake smile I possibly could, I could practically see the tension leave his face. "Oh, hey, no worries." Joe told me, acting like he didn't just tell Ja'marr something that he knew would crush me. From the start he knew I always feared being seen as a slut and from the start he always made sure I didn't feel like one. With me here now, they included me in their conversation about the UFC, but I felt like I wasn't able to think about anything other than what Joe said. I have never felt more...disgusting in my entire life and I wanted nothing more than to leave and never see Joe again.

As the night went on, I continued to put a fake smile on my face the entire time. I added into the conversations when I was able to form thoughts that weren't about what I heard Joe say. When Joe wanted to walk around and asked me to go with him, I indulged him and went with him. When he pulled me aside and cupped the sides of my face, I closed my eyes and held back tears while kissing his lips. How was he so good at acting like I was someone he enjoyed being around? Like I wasn't 'just an easy fuck.' What I was really angry at right now, was myself. How could I be so stupid and oblivious to it all. I truly thought Joe had become one of my best friends but it was all a lie.

When Joe finally wanted to leave, I left without saying goodbye to anyone and I slid into the passenger seat of his car and buckled up before he even walked out of the house. I quickly went on my phone and sent Lily a text asking her if she was free to talk when I got back to the hotel. Since she knew I never asked her if we could talk unless it was about something serious, she immediately knew something was wrong. From the corner of my eye I could see someone walking towards the car so I quickly turned off my phone and turned it on silent before looking up to see Joe open the door. "You left so fucking fast, we could've left sooner if you weren't feeling it anymore." He told me with a small laugh while getting into the car and turning it on.

I mustered up the best fake laugh I could while shaking my head. "No, I promise I was having fun, I'm just exhausted now." I told him. "Ja'marr really likes you, I swear he thought you were going to be some stripper looking girl even though I told him you weren't like that though." Joe laughed as he backed up into the street. You fucking liar. "Yeah I liked him too, he's cool." I told Joe while picking at the skin around my nails, contemplating if I should tell Joe that I heard what he said about me or not. I could either go back to my hotel and send him a quick text the next day saying that I was done with whatever this was, or I could make him be honest with me right now. As much as I would love to see Joe's face when he found out that I knew what he told Ja'marr, I didn't have it in me tonight.

"Can you just take me back to the hotel I usually stay at? I'll just grab my clothes from your house tomorrow." I told him, not wanting to stay at his house tonight. Joe quickly looked at me before looking back at the road. "What? No. You can just stay the night like you always do. Plus I know you get horny when you drink alcohol." He told me with a small laugh and then gave me a small wink. "I'm really not in the mood to have sex and I'm going to catch a flight home tomorrow anyways and the hotel is closer to the airport." I told him. "Okay, then no sex, I'm fine with that. You know that you can spend the night without us having sex, we've done it before." He said, sounding extremely genuine. "I just want to get a hotel room tonight." I told him and looked away from him and instead looked out the window.

"Why? You never stay in a hotel when you're in Cincinnati. My house is your house." Joe said, sounding extremely confused. "Oh my gosh can you just take me to the hotel? Or at least drop me off so I can get an uber?" I raised my voice at him while turning my head quickly to look at him, hating how much he was pushing this. As soon as I looked at Joe, I noticed how hurt he looked and I had to force myself to not feel bad for him. It was all an act. It was all an act. "Okay, I'll take you to the hotel... is everything okay?" Joe asked me extremely hesitantly while looking between me and the road. "I'm just not feeling this anymore. I'm sick of being at your beck and call." I told him. "O-okay but we both are at each other's beck and call. I get that it's been hard with football but I don't just want to end this because of it. Plus it's gotten to the point where hanging out with you is more enjoyable than the sex sometimes." Joe told me, trying to pull anything out of his ass in an attempt to keep me around.

"No, I am done with this. We just aren't on the same page anymore." I said, trying to get him to stop pushing this so hard. If only he knew that I knew. At least then he would stop trying so hard to keep me around. "Please, enlighten me, because I am so fucking confused right now. What do you mean?" He asked me, now raising his voice some. I let out a small disappointed laugh while looking over at him. "You know exactly what I mean, Joe! I'm not going to spell it out for you." I yelled at him, unable to stop the emotions from bubbling over in this moment. "I don't, actually! Everything was fine until the party, did someone say something?" Joe yelled right back at me.

I scoffed and then turned my body towards him. "Did someone say something," I repeated what he said, "are you fucking serious? Yeah, yeah someone fucking said something!" I yelled. Joe was trying his best to hear me out while paying attention to the road in front of him, but his attention kept slipping away from driving and towards me. "Instead of fucking yelling at me, tell me who said something to you. I don't want to fight!" He told me, sounding hurt and confused all at once. "I just want this to be over! I don't want to talk to you ever again." I told him, a tear escaping my eye and rolling down my cheek.

Immediately after, Joe looked over at me and I looked up at him. He looked so incredibly sad and confused...but why? Why did he look so sad if he didn't care about me: his eyes were wide, his face was scrunched up, his eyes were glossed over slightly, the corners of his lips were downturned, the inner parts of his eyebrows were slanted upwards. "Please don't end it like this. Just tell me what's wrong so we can talk about it. Please." Joe pleaded. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a truck driving towards us way too fast even though they had a stop sign and we didn't. The light from the persons headlights flashed in my eyes and I screamed Joe's name who was slamming on his breaks after noticing the car wasn't stopping and was headed straight for us.

My head swung forwards at Joe's attempt to dodge the car and I felt Joe's arm being placed across my chest in an effort to shield me, but it was too late. The deafening crack of the impact on my side of the car followed by tires screeching filled my ears and I sealed my eyes shut as my head smashed against the window. My body jerked sideways as the door next to me bent inwards. The glass window next to me exploded and glass flew around in the car as it started to roll. The world began to spin in a dizzying blur of motion before everything stopped. We landed upright. For a moment, there was nothing but a loud ringing in my ears that made me unable to hear or focus on anything else. From next to me, there was another flurry of motion and in a matter of seconds, I was looking into Joe's blue eyes who looked terrified.

My eyelids became heavy and I struggled to keep them open. "Stay with me. Please stay with me. Please baby." Joe said through tears, but his voice was so muffled. I continued to try and blink the blurriness away but every time I did my eyes became harder and harder to open up. "No, no. Keep your eyes open. Please. You can't do this to me, not you to." A muffled voice said from next to me. "Oh my gosh I didn't see the stop sign. I-I'm so sorry." Another voice said from my side of the car. "You mother fucker! You fucking," Joe yelled at the man but then focussed on me again, "we need an ambulance, please!" He yelled. Then, when I shut my eyes to blink again...they stayed shut.

My eyelids began to flutter open until I could see a patch of sunlight shining in from the parted curtains. After I opened my eyes fully, I noticed that I was lying in a hospital bed. I furrowed my eyebrows and let out a small sigh as a massive headache made me close my eyes again. Then everything came back to me in an instant. The party, the fight, the car accident...the way Joe sounded terrified. I forced myself to open up my eyes once again and when I did I looked around the room and spotted Joe sitting down in a chair, bent over with his head in his hands. "Joe?" I asked. Immediately, Joe sat straight up as soon as he heard my voice and then, wasting no time, stood up quickly and walked over to me.

"I'm so glad you're okay. I thought I was going to lose you," Joe said when he reached me and immediately cupped the side of my cheek, "I'm so sorry. I should have been paying more attention to the road...I'm so sorry." He told me, and I knew he was thinking about what happened to Shayla and how I could have died just like her. My eyes scanned over his face but my eyesight was too blurry to tell if he was okay. "It's not your fault, Joe. He had the fucking stop sign, you tried to avoid it," I told him, "But what happened? Am I okay? Are you okay?" I asked. Joe let out a small sigh and began to nod while letting his hand slide off of my cheek. "Everything's okay. You hit your head so hard that you got a small brain bleed and a pretty bad concussion though. That's why you lost consciousness. You were in and out all night." He told me. "What? A fucking brain bleed? What the fuck." I told him and then looked around the room. "It's only a small one that will go away on its own. They're gonna keep monitoring it just to make sure it doesn't get worse in the next few hours and then you can go home." He told me.

After taking in what he said for a few seconds, I looked back up at him. "And you? Are you okay? What about football?" I asked him. For the first time in this entire conversation my eyesight  finally became clear and I was able to notice the small cuts on his face probably from the glass, along with a black eye. "Oh my gosh Joe!" I said loudly but I quickly reached up and grabbed the sides of my head, feeling like I was just hit in the head with a baseball bat. "I'm fine. I've got some organ bruising plus I lost a fight with the airbag, but other than that I'm okay." He reassured me with a small laugh. I took a few seconds to take a few deep breaths while taking in everything that was said and the events from last night.

As I sat in my thoughts though, the words Joe told Ja'marr replayed over and over again in my head, reminding me of why we got into our fight in the first place. I slowly looked up at Joe once again, trying not to make any sudden moves that would make my head hurt more than it already did. "Why did you stay?" I asked him. Joe let out a small scoff and reached for my hand, but I quickly pulled it away. "Why wouldn't I stay? I know we had a fight and you said you didn't want to do this anymore, but I would rather be your friend and never have sex than never see you again." He told me. As I looked into his eyes, I began to shake my head while tears filled my eyes. Why was he still lying to me? Didn't I deserve the truth?

"Joe I know...I heard you." I told him, not able to pretend that I didn't hear him. Joe furrowed his eyebrows while looking down at me as I raised up the bed so I was sitting up more. "What do you mean?" He asked me, sounding genuinely confused. "'She doesn't keep good company but she's an easy fuck, that's why I keep her around.'" I told Joe, repeating word for word what he told Ja'marr at the party. Immediately, Joe's whole demeanor changed and his expression was wiped clean from his face. "I-I can explain." He tried to say but I cut him off. "It's fine, Joe. It really is. It hurts...but I get it. I was just reading this whole thing wrong. I thought we were friends but we clearly weren't. We can just leave it at that." I told him, not wanting to fight or make him lie to me some more about enjoying my company when he really didn't.

"No, no, it's not like that. I didn't mean that. I-it's." Joe said and left the side of the bed. While he walked away, he put his hands on the top of his head and began to walk - no, pace - around the room, nervous and unsure about something. "Fuck- I didn't, I uh." He said, more nervous now before he stopped at the end of the hospital bed. "You don't have to lie and explain to me why you said it. It's fine." I told him. "Just give me a second, please." He told me while dropping his hands to the sides of his body. His gaze left mine and instead looked out of the window that was able to be seen through a crack in the curtains. Did I really want to hear him out? How would I know if he was lying or not? From what I could tell, he was really good at it, so what was stopping him from lying about this in order to keep me around.

"There is a big possibility that I'm starting to fall for you." Joe said and then made eye contact with me once again. I sucked in a small breath as the beeps from the monitor that were measuring my heart rate began to speed up. "Joe..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say. "I sleep around, okay? I sleep around and I definitely don't sleep with the same girl twice unless it's like...life changing sex. But you," Joe chuckled quietly to himself while shaking his head, "you're different. I realized that the morning after we first slept together." He told me. "What? What are you doing?" I asked him, at a loss for words and shocked at what he was confessing. Joe began to pace a little bit more around the room while he talked, but he made sure to stay close to the bed. As he walked, my eyes followed him the entire time since his never left mine.

"I can't get you out of my head. Trust me, I've tried. You're different. You're beautiful...inside and out. You make me laugh until my stomach hurts, even when you make those stupid jokes that aren't funny. A-and you're quite literally the only person other than my parents that makes me feel like I'm not just some stupid...heartless...and rich athlete." He told me. "Joe I don't know what to say." I said, not knowing if this was something I even wanted to jump into. "Then don't- let me do the talking," he said, "you humble me every day and you are the only person that makes lo....that makes love not seem so scary anymore...and that terrifies me." I looked away from him and down at my hands as I picked at the skin around my nails like crazy. "Wow...it terrifies you?" I asked, feeling like if he really loved me, it wouldn't terrify him.

Joe stopped at the end of my bed once again and put his hands on top of his head. "Terrifies me because I'm scared that if I let someone into my life and let myself love someone again...they'll end up leaving me...again. But w- but with you I don't care about that. I don't care about the what if's because I'm more scared of not letting myself love you," he said and gestured to me and then the hospital room that we were in, "and I'm sorry that it took so long, but I didn't realize that until I truly thought I was going to lose you." The tears that flooded my eyes and made my eyesight blurry began to stream down my cheeks and I could tell that Joe was also starting to cry to. "I thought that after Shayla, I would never find anyone who would make love not seem scary...but you....you make love not scary." Joe told me. His eyes were all red and glossed over, his cheeks were red along with the tip of his nose and ears, and he had that small smile on his face.

"I didn't want to fall in love or need someone. I really didn't want anything. But then, you appeared, and I started wanting everything." Joe admitted to me. We continued to gaze softly into each other's eyes. Joe's eyes and gaze were so incredibly soft as he looked into mine and I still felt like I couldn't form the right words. "How can I possibly follow that one up?" I joked. The both of us began to laugh while Joe wiped off the tears that streamed down his rosy cheeks. "I'm going to be honest with you, Joe...I really don't know what to say because truthfully, I don't know what I want." I told him. Joe listened, his attention focussed on nothing but me as he followed every word that fell from my mouth.

"Of course I started to feel things for you, how could I not? I've been trying so hard not to fall in love with you because I knew- or at least I thought I knew - that you would never fall in love with me. I mean I-uh... I'm a nobody." I told him. "I got so good at trying to get myself to not fall for you that I truly didn't think I did...but I did. I realized it the night you told me everything about Shayla when you picked me up from the airport because in that moment, I truly saw...you." I told him. Joe nodded quickly as he walked closer to me until he was next to me. "You're perfect. You go out of your way to make other people happy over yourself, you are such a fucking nerd at heart, and despite what I may have thought about you before...you are the best person I've ever known." I said but then looked down at my hands with a small sigh.

"You can tell me anything." Joe told me, knowing where this was about to go. I slowly looked from my hands up to Joe's blue eyes. "I want to give you everything and more Joe, I really do," I told him and then looked up into his eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed, "but I don't know how. I mean this was never supposed to happen, and I'm scared that it's happening. I wasn't prepared for this to happen. You have undoubtedly become one of my best friends and I don't know if I want to risk ruining that...and I realize that me saying this might ruin our friendship anyways." I told him truthfully as I looked down. With a small nod, Joe reached forwards slowly and grabbed my chin gently between his pointer finger and thumb and tilted my head up so I was looking into his eyes.

"It's okay...I get it." He spoke softly. Joe's expression was serious but as soon as we made eye contact, it began to soften. I loved how it softened slightly whenever he looked at me or when he talked to me. Like the way he looked at me was different from how he looked at everyone else. But I didn't know if that was enough to make me not scared to try things with him. We continued to look into each other's eyes for a few minutes. I was trying to sort out all of the thoughts that were running through my head: the good thoughts, the bad thoughts, all of the doubts, the what ifs, everything. I didn't know what to do in this moment. It felt like I was being forced to give Joe an answer without even thinking about it. I knew that if I gave him an answer now without thinking about it, that it may not be the right one.

"I think I need some time, Joe. Time to think about what this means and time to sort through my thoughts. Is that okay?" I asked him. "Of course that's okay. I shocked myself when I confessed to falling for you, so I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. Just know that I'll respect your choice...but I can't promise that we can be friends if you say no. I don't think I'll be able to do that to myself." He told me. "I can respect that." I told him with a small sigh before leaning my head against the pillow behind me. Now came the hard part.

A week later

I shut my car door probably a little too hard and began to speed walk up the driveway to get to the door. My heart was racing in my chest as I got closer and closer until finally, I stopped in front of the door with my hand raised, about to knock. Then, I froze. "Hey, Joe, I love you too," I said and then shook my head, "I'm willing to try this if you are." I said, trying to rehearse what I was going to say to him when he opened the door. "No, what are you even saying?" I told myself and shook my head some more.

After a week of sorting through my thoughts, I realized that I would rather risk our friendship being ruined over a break up than over me being too scared to let myself love Joe. If I've learned anything in these past six months of being in a little, no strings attached agreement, was that the strings were always there, and somewhere along the way, we started to become oblivious that they were becoming attached. The moment we started calling each other and coming over each other's houses without expecting sex in return, the strings started to become attached. But I mean how could we not start to get involved in each other's lives? Our world started to revolve around the other person because after a while, it became second nature to call each other at any minor inconvenience. We were stupid to think that we wouldn't become emotionally involved.

All of a sudden, the door swung open extremely quickly and I spotted Joe who was standing in front of me, looking extremely flustered. "Hey...how are you? How's your head?" Joe asked me, but I couldn't help but notice a hint of nervousness in his voice as he tried to make small talk because of the fear that I was going to tell him that I didn't want to try this with him. "It's good - actually no, it's not good it's just okay." I told him. "That's normal, it's only been a week." He said with a small and unsure chuckle. The both of us held eye contact for a few seconds, just standing there and waiting for me to rip off the bandaid. "Fuck it. Uhm- this week away from you, I realized that I hate being apart, even not texting you." I explained to him. Immediately, Joe sucked in a small breath as he hung on to every single word that came out of my mouth.

"I had a lot of time to think things over and I found out that I don't want to keep doing this with you anymore, because it sucks." I told him. Joe's brows immediately furrowed and he began to rub the back of his neck nervously, not knowing what I was trying to say. As soon as I realized what he was thinking I was about to do, I shook my head quickly and held up my hands slightly. "Fuck, i'm not good at this whole thing- talking about my feelings - so I guess what I'm trying to say, in short, is that just like you said, the what if's scare me more than the thought of what could happen if we don't at least try this out." I told him. With a small relieved smile, Joe let out a sigh of relief and nodded slowly. "Yeah?" He asked me, the small smile turning into a big one that he struggled to hide. "Yeah. It's you, Joe. It's so fucking you that it makes me scared, but I don't care anymore. I won't ever forgive myself if we don't give this a try." I explained to him. "Then we do this." He told me.

For the first time in a long time...I knew what I wanted. I knew exactly who I wanted. And he was standing right in front of me. For once I didn't have any doubts. Any second thoughts. There were no what if's running around my head. Somewhere between our late night calls, our conversations that lasted hours, our text messages, our jokes, and of course our hookups, I fell for Joe...and someone, he fell for me too. Suddenly, it became all about Joe because even though I may not have known that I was falling for him, my heart somehow knew I needed him. I needed that sweet smile and those blue eyes. I needed that goofy laugh and hard-headed gentle and kind soul. They always say the best love is the one you never saw coming, and they were right. They were really fucking right.

We both stood in front of each other for a few seconds before I asked jokingly, "what about no string attached?" As we made eye contact, Joe began to look down to my lips and then back up to my eyes. "Fuck the strings." Joe said quickly while furrowing his brows and shaking his head in disbelief that this was happening. Joe reached up and cupped the sides of my face in his big yet gentle hands and leaned down, smashing our lips together. I took a step back, losing my balance while arching my back at the quick movement, but then I grabbed onto Joe's shirt he was wearing and used that as leverage so I could regain my footing.

I shifted in bed as my eyes fluttered open. I couldn't help but smile while looking at the rising sun from outside that made the whole room a light orange color. Mornings like this are always perfect. I get to wake up right next to the love of my life and soak up the little time we had together before he had to leave for football, and in this case, minicamp. The birds outside were chirping and, even from the backside of the house, I could hear the faint sound of car engines as people drove to work. I began to stretch a little bit before I took a deep breath and turned over in bed, expecting Joe to be laying right next to me like he always is.

While I was turning in bed, I was suddenly aware of the quiet piano playing in the background, and when I didn't find joe laying next to me, I looked towards the piano he bought a few months ago. Joe is a man of many hobbies and quirks. Not only does he love watching cartoons like SpongeBob or loony toons, but he loves to build legos, expand his car collection, and try new things. As soon as he found out that he would have to sit out for the rest of the season due to his injury, he immediately started to search a new hobby he could pick up to make the time go by faster and make the waiting period between rehab and playing more enjoyable. Right after watching someone play a SpongeBob song on the piano on a tiktok video I showed him, Joe immediately bought himself a cheap little piano and started to watch tutorials on YouTube. After he started getting better and learning more he got a real piano and put it in our room; luckily our room was big enough to hold the piano.

Despite Joe messing up a little bit in the beginning which made it hard to make out, it soon clicked in my mind what song he was trying to play on the piano and my heart beat immediately sped up in my chest:  Someone Like You by Adele. Although the song may have been sad and it wasn't about finding true love, it was my favorite song of all time. Before I had met Joe, it felt like I had the worst luck with relationships. My first relationship my senior year of high school resulted in me getting my heart broken because I apparently wasn't as pretty as my best friend. My second relationship in college resulted in me getting my heart broken because I wouldn't give the man my virginity, and my third and fourth relationship ended after getting cheated on.

After my fourth break up, I decided that all men were bad. There was never any boy I talked to that didn't want me for sex or to make someone else jealous. There was never a boy that didn't either cheat on me or break up with me because there was someone better than me. It felt like I would be single forever and that nobody was going to love me for who I was. That was until I met Joe. I was at bar in downtown Cincinnati one day after work and of course I had a few drinks with some friends. One thing led to another and, although I promised to never do karaoke again after getting drunk and falling off of the karaoke stage one night, they talked me into it. Can you guess the song I sang? If you said Someone Like You by Adele, you are correct, and I sang it like my life depended on it. Granted, I wasn't a good singer, I just put everything into the song.

Unbeknownst to me, the quarterback for the Cincinnati bengals was in the same bar with a few friends who also played for the Bengals. They absolutely loved the little show I put on, especially when I bought shots for the whole entire bar, which wasn't one of my best moments since I really didn't have the money to spend. Although I completely sucked at singing and probably butchered the song, Joe described it as love at first sight. The moment he heard me singing and saw me, he apparently knew I was the girl for him.

After singing, he immediately came up to me and despite the fact that I was extremely cautious about men at the time because I didn't want to get me heartbroken, especially by an NFL player, I could tell he was different. He was refreshing. It was like a breath of fresh air to talk to him. Unlike the other men I sometimes talked to at bars that were all about themselves and how amazing they were, Joe wanted to know everything about me. He let me ramble on about how I loved being a psychiatrist and what my favorite things were about the job and I let him ramble on about his love for SpongeBob. Joe was the first ever man I met that wasn't the stereotypical man: entitled, stuck up, selfish, horny, and self centered.

Joe sat with his back facing me while playing the song. Since he had just woken up, his hair was going in every direction possible and some of the strands in the back were connected to make small curls. Joe was shirtless and the only piece of clothing on him was a pair of boxers, which was his usual bedtime attire that I loved oh so much. I couldn't help but smile at how he was concentrating on the song so incredibly much. It surprisingly sounded really good though, despite the small slip ups.

I sat up in bed some more, enjoying just watching and listening to Joe as he played my favorite song, but when Joe heard me shuffling on the bed, he stopped playing and quickly turned around to look at me. "I'm sorry, did I wake you up baby? I didn't mean to." He said, feeling bad for waking me up, although this was the usual time I woke up. "Honestly that's one of the best ways I've ever been woken up in my entire life." I said with a smile. After a few seconds, Joe gestured for me to come and sit down next to him on the bench in front of the piano, so I quickly swung my legs over the bed with an excited look on my face. Joe just chuckled while keeping his eyes on me the entire time as I made my way over to him. "Keep playing, please. I love that song." I said and began to raise my hands up and stretch while walking over to him. When I got to him, Joe patted on the bench next to him so I sat down right next to him. Once next to him, he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me in closer to him. "Trust me, I know you love that song. I can still imagine how you sang it while up on that karaoke stage in that bar the first time we met." Joe said and started to chuckle while imagining me singing the song.

"Hey, you described it as love at first sight, that includes my singing too. If I was never up on that stage, you probably wouldn't have ever noticed me." I said while resting my chin on his shoulder and placing a kiss on his jaw while looking up into his blue eyes. "I would've noticed you even if we were in the biggest bar in the entire world." Joe said and kissed my forehead. "Uh-huh, sure you would Joey," I giggled a little bit, "now keep playing, you were doing good." I said, urging him to continue with the song he was playing before he noticed that he woke me up. "Okay, okay, I have to get my rhythm again. One second." Joe said.

I took my head off of Joe's shoulder so he could concentrate and watched him as he put his fingers back on the keys to try and play the song again. At first, he tapped the keys very slowly and accidentally pressed the wrong ones sometimes, but when he found a good rhythm and groove, he fell right into the song and it started to all come together. I couldn't help but stare at his hands and the way his fingers danced over the keys effortlessly and in a mesmerizing way. I glanced up at his face and couldn't help but smile at the way he concentrated so hard on the song. His brows were furrowed, his nostrils flared occasionally, and his tongue was sticking out the side of his mouth while focusing. It was so incredibly hard not to admire everything about this man.

While he played, I began to silently sing the songs and sway a little bit to the music while sitting next to Joe and watching as he played the song. After looking at me from the corner of his eye and seeing my mouthing out the lyrics, Joe looked down at me and elbowed me slightly. "Why aren't you singing? I know you want to." Joe said, raising his eyebrows at me quickly. I looked up at him as he smirked down at me. I laughed before starting to sing the words just like I did when Joe and I first met and used my hand as a microphone, except I toned it down about ten notches so I wasn't loud and obnoxious, even though Joe said I wasn't when I sang it in the bar.

When there was a pause in the singing, I stopped and tapped my legs like Joe did with the keys, trying to follow how Joe touched the keys, wondering how he picked it up so fast. "Here, put your hands on mine. Play it with me." Joe said. With a smile, I placed my hands on Joes, but made sure not to put too much pressure so he could freely move his fingers and hands when he needed to. "You're playing this song like you've been doing this for years." I said, not taking my eyes off of our hands and how much bigger Joe's were than mine. Even the sight of it made butterflies fly around in my stomach.

"I've been practicing this song every single day so I could surprise you with it." Joe said. "Really? So that's why every other song you've tried to play has sucked." I joked with him. Joe jokingly gasped and looked down at me. "Ouch- it's the betrayal for me." Joe said and quickly sucked in his lips, knowing I absolutely hated when he said that. Ever since I watched Ginny and Georgia for the first time a while ago and Joe learned how cringy it was when one of the girls said, "it's the betrayal for me," he's been saying it constantly when we get into little fights or when I jokingly make fun of him. Granted, whenever he says it we instantly stop fighting or bickering which is a good thing since it makes the both of us instantly laugh and cringe.

"I swear on everything Joseph Lee Burrow, if you don't stop saying that I'm breaking up with you." I joked and elbowed him in the side. "You would never, you love me too much. There's nothing you hate about me." Joe said. I opened my mouth to say something I hated about him but it was so hard to come up with something. He literally was so amazing. "See?" Joe said. "I hate that you wear socks on the beach and don't like popcorn." I said with a triumphant "hmph," proud of myself that I could come up with things that I disliked about him since to me, Joe didn't have many flaws, only weird quirks and habits like wearing socks everywhere, even to the beach.

"For one, feet are gross, except yours, and for two, popcorn and veneers don't really go hand in hand, remember?" Joe asked me. I rolled my eyes up at him and shook my head. Still, my hands rested on his while he continued to play the song even when we talked. "You realize that you're calling your feet gross as well? Right? And you've never liked popcorn, even before getting those pearly whites." I said and kissed his shoulder. "Here, come over and sit down on the other side of me." Joe said, continuing to play the song. Raising an eyebrow in confusion, I got up and then moved to the left of Joe. "Let's play together now," Joe said and gently took ahold of my hand and brought it to the piano. "Do you see how I labeled these A, E, f sharp, and D?" Joe asked me, and when I nodded, he put my fingers on the keys. "All you need to do is press those keys one at a time in that order, A, E, F sharp, and D to the beat of the song. You have the slower part and it'll fall right in line with what I'm doing." Joe said. I placed my fingers over each of the keys I would have to press and then asked, "so how will I know when to press them?"

Joe began to think for a few seconds before saying, "I'll tap your leg when you need to press the key.  After a few seconds you'll get the hang of it, it's super easy." Joe said and began to play his part of the song. After a few seconds, he dropped his free hand down to my thigh and gave it a small squeeze. My face flushed red as his fingers danced across my tanned skin, making butterflies soar in my stomach. "Ready?" Joe asked me. "Ready." I said with a smile. After he said this, he tapped my thigh so I hit the A key, and after a few seconds, he tapped my thigh again so I hit the E key. Then came F sharp and D. By the time I tapped the D key, the song had come together and I knew exactly when to press the buttons.

While joe played the faster and more complicated part with his right hand, I played the slower and less complicated part with my left hand. It was hard to hide my huge smile that only got bigger with every passing second. Not only were we playing together which actually sounded good, but it was such a weird and unusual sight: Joe, a 200 pound pound quarterback who gets tackled by 300 pound men and throws a ball around for a living in front of millions of people, playing the piano with his wife. Next to me, he looked huge and intimidating, but on the inside, he was such a kind, funny, childish, and compassionate person.

I sat in the hospital bed waiting for the nurse to bring in Joe since I was awake. A week ago, I got into a car accident which not only totaled my brand new car, but broke my Tibia, which, if you're not aware, meant I needed surgery. Better yet, the surgery just had to be scheduled for the day before the 2nd annual Joe Burrow foundation golf invitational, which I had so much fun at last year. To say I wasn't in the best mood was a complete understatement, given that both Joe and his parents wanted me to just stay home and recovery from the surgery, especially since I would need to be on crutches for a while.

As I sat in my thoughts, just glaring down at my leg which was covered in a huge and ugly cast that Joe would definitely want to write on at some point, the door opened up. Expecting it to be another doctor since it was only a few minutes after the nurse left, I didn't look towards the door. Then, I heard Joes voice which practically brought me to tears. "Hey, how are you doing?" Joe asked me. I quickly looked over to him with a sigh, and as soon as I did, Joe gave me a small smile, knowing I was upset that I needed surgery. All I wanted to do was have him wrap me in his arms and hold me forever, and also take me to the golfing invitation tomorrow.

"Ooh, where to start? One, I have this ugly cast on my leg, and two, I can't even go to the invitational. I'm livin' the dream." I said with an exasperated sigh and leaned back against the hospital bed, staring straight up at the ceiling as Joe walked over to me. I could hear joe start to chuckle and then he grabbed onto my hand and gave it a small squeeze, trying to reassure me. "Maybe if you feel up to it you can come, but it you're in pain, I just want you at home. I don't need you falling down some steps or getting hurt again." Joe said.

Ever since this accident, he's been treating me like I'm super fragile. I know I broke my leg, but he didn't have to keep worrying about me like he has been. Every time I need to go to the bathroom, he's always sitting on the bathtub across from me and watching my every move so I don't fall, saying things like, 'I don't want you to get a concussion when you fall, or worse, have a brain bleed when you hit your head.'

"Joseph, I only broke my leg, I'm not going to try and go up or down some stairs without someone's help." I said and glared over at him. "Well who knows with you, I'm just trying to keep my baby safe." He said with that adorable smile. Once again, I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, counting down the minutes until l could go home and get out of this sad and depressing hospital.

Once we got home, Joe sat me down extremely carefully on the couch and placed my crutches next to it. As soon as I sat down, our dog Tucker ran over to me and started to sniff at my cast like crazy before jumping up onto the couch for some pets. "Did you miss me buddy? I missed you, yes I did." I said in a puppy dog voice while rubbing his belly when he rolled over onto his back. For the last week he's been at my best friend's house so l didn't have to deal with him, considering that I had a broken leg and Joe's been at OTA's.

"Okay, do you need anything? Pillows, Blankets, food, drinks, a computer, books...coloring books... legos?" Joe asked me, trying to think of every possible thing that I could need. I laughed a little bit at his concentrated face as he kept racking his brain. "Can you get me some Oreos and Maybe my Stanley?" I asked him with a smile. "3 big ice cubes?" Joe asked me. I nodded quickly with a smile and watched as he walked to the kitchen to grab what I asked for.

While he did that, I reached over and grabbed the remote and turned on the tv. Although I've watched it about a million times, I turned on the vampire diaries since it was my comfort show and then saw Joe walking back over to me with the Oreos and water bottle. "Hey, you should've asked me to do that, you need to rest." Joe said. I squinted up at him like he was stupid and scoffed a little bit. Joe set down the Oreos and water bottle next to me and then held up his hands as a surrender. "What?" He asked, confused at why I was looking at him like that. "How many times do I have to remind you that I only broke my leg? I didn't break my arms. Turning on the tv isn't going to wear me out." I said.

"Okay, well still. I've been hurt numerous times and every single time you've been there to help me. Therefore I am here now to help you. Y'know, it feels good to not be the helpless one for once." Joe said and plopped down next to me while taking a bite out of an Oreo. Reaching over next to me, I grabbed the bag and grabbed one out of the bag and let out a huge sigh as I bit into it. "Well aren't you just enjoying this. You have a never ending supply of Oreos thanks to your amazing husband and you even have your own butler." Joe said while laughing at how I was eating my Oreo. My eyes were shut and I kept shaking my head. Yeah, I was probably enjoying this way too much.

"y'know what could make this better?" I asked him with an excited smile. Joe pretended like he was thinking about what he could do to make this any better, but then his smile dropped and he looked over at me seriously. "Tomorrow's still a maybe." Joe said. I groaned and leaned back against the couch while crossing my arms over my chest in a kiddish way. "This is so not fair. You're the one that's going to regret making me stay home. I'm like your emotional support person." I said and kept glaring at the tv with my brows furrowed. "Just to clarify, You're not like, my emotional support person...You are my emotional support person." Joe said.

"Well then you should," I said and stopped halfway so I could yawn, "let me go with you." I said and then started to rub my tired eyes. "C'mere, you should take a nap." Joe said and patted on his lap. I couldn't help but smile as he patted his lap, wanting me to rest my head on it. "Yes sir." I giggled and started to shimmy my way over to Joe. While I tried to move over without hurting my leg, Joe reached over and grabbed a blanket out of the blanket basket and waited for me to lay down with my head in his lap.

I let out a few groans while grabbing my leg under my knee to move it on the couch, trying not to hurt it too much. Once both of my legs were on the couch, I rested my head in Joe's lap and he sprawled out the blanket so it was covering me and then he started to run his fingers through my hair, knowing it helped me fall asleep. "Hmm, that feels good." I hummed with a smile on my face as I shut my eyes. I could hear Joe chuckle a little bit at my tired state, but before I knew it, I was out.

I woke up with a deep inhale a little while later, my leg starting to ache, and I needed to pee so badly. Now awake, I noticed that instead of being on episode 5 of the vampire diaries, I was now on episode 7. Dang. Usually I could never take naps this long. Fidgeting a little bit, I looked up to see Joe who also fast asleep. I giggled a little bit at how he was sleeping. Since I was laying in his lap, he was forced to sleep upright with his head back on the couch and his mouth was hanging open because of the position.

With a sneaky smile, I reached up and put my finger in his mouth to wake him up. There was no way I was going to try and go to the bathroom on my own without him. Since it's my first time using crutches, I was still extremely nervous about trying to do anything that may potentially make me fall, because with my luck, I'd break my wrists and be bed bound.

As soon as I stuck my finger in his mouth, his eyes shot open and he quickly looked down to me and scanned my whole body, expecting something to be wrong. "I'm up, I'm up. Are you okay?" Joe asked me, not even wondering why I just stuck my finger in his mouth. "Yes you big dummy. But can I ask you a favor?" I asked him with my best puppy dog eyes. "Of course, what do you need?" Joe asked me before reaching over and grabbing his phone from next to him, completely ignoring the fact that I put my finger in his mouth. When his screen lit up, I smiled at the picture of us at our wedding before my eyes found the time and I shot up a little bit. "Shit. We slept a long time." I said. "I know right." Joe chuckled before putting his phone down.

"My leg really hurts and I have to pee so extremely bad right now. Can you help me? I'm kinda scared to fall." I asked Joe. "Yeah, baby, of course." Joe said and waited for me to sit up to get up himself. When he got off of the couch, he held out both hands towards me and I grabbed both of them after sliding my legs off of the couch. Once my hands were in his, he carefully lifted me off of the couch. I couldn't help but blush when I saw his huge bicep muscles as he pulled me off of the couch with ease. "Damn. That was hot Joey." I giggled slightly once I was up. Joe just chuckled and then grabbed my crutches. "Alright, you able to walk with your crutches? Or can I carry you?" Joe asked me with that adorable smile, wanting nothing more than to carry me.

Although I wanted him to carry me, I knew it was best for me to just use my crutches so I could get used to using them some more. "I probably should get used to getting around with them." I said. "Don't worry, It's easy. You'll be hopping around here like a speed demon soon enough." Joe said and handed them to me. I slipped them under my arms and lifted my leg off of the ground. "Yeah, sure." I said with a laugh and started to head towards the bathroom. Tucker just stared at me from on the other couch next to the one Joe and I were sleeping on. Luckily he was already used to seeing crutches since Joe had to use them when he tore his acl.

Very carefully, I went to the bathroom while Joe walked right next to me the entire time, making sure I didn't fall. If there was one thing to know about me, was that I'm extremely clumsy, meaning Joe was like a helicopter parent right now. When we reached the bathroom, Joe opened up the door and walked in first and when we got to the toilet, he grabbed both of my crutches and then leaned them on the bathroom counter before returning to me and helping me pull down my pants and sit down. "Thank you, Joey, you're the best." I said. "I'm just making up for the fact that you had to help me shower when I tore my acl, this is nothing." He smiled down at me. "The showers I actually enjoyed." I said with an exaggerated wink. Joe just rolled his eyes and said, "I'm going to grab your Advil, I'll be right back." I watched as he disappeared out of the bathroom and then I could hear the medicine cabinet opening up.

Once I was done going pee and Joe returned with the Advil, he once again helped me up and walked right next to me as we made our way back to the couch. "Oh my gosh, Joe. What about working out? I have to work out." I said, wondering how I was going to work out any time soon with this huge cast on my leg and with how much my leg's been bothering me. "You'll be able to work out, but give it a little bit for your leg to start feeling better. Don't rush into anything just yet." He said and helped me sit back down on the couch. "Do I just put my crutches down and hop around? I can't do legs anymore...oh my goodness." I said and leaned back on the couch and stared straight up at the ceiling, a small feeling of dread over taking me. Joe just chuckled at me before plopping himself down next to me. "I think you're forgetting that I went through this as well. I'll help you, don't worry about it, okay?" Joe told me and grabbed the blanket and threw it over the both of us.

With a groan, I rested my head on his shoulder and nodded. "Okay fine." I said. Before we got too comfy on the couch, Joe leaned forwards and grabbed the three Advil pills and handed them to me along with my green Stanley cup. "Thanks." I said and took them from him. Everyone always told me I had a high pain tolerance, but right now my leg was killing me. I quickly downed the pills in one big gulp and then handed my Stanley to Joe so he could set it back down. "Hey Joey?" I asked him. "Hey baby?" He said and smiled over at me. "I'm a little bored. Can we build legos or something? Get my brain working a little bit?" I asked him. Joe looked down at me like I was stupid before he scoffed, "uhh, of course. You already know the answer to that." I laughed as he got off of the couch quickly and headed to the place he keeps most of his legos.

When he returned, he drug the coffee table a little closer to us so I didn't have to move my leg too much and scattered the little Lego pieces all over it so we could start building. "After this, I'll make dinner. What sounds good?" Joe asked me. I raised an eyebrow and looked over to him. There are some occasions where Joe cooks because he actually enjoys it. He likes getting all kinds of ingredients and making new things. But usually during this point in the off season he is so extremely focused on his body and the food he eats that he always has the chefs come over to make our meals. "Really? You're going to make dinner tonight?" I asked him. "Yeah, I figured that we didn't need any more people over here, especially since I knew you would be a little tired after your surgery. So, what sounds good?" He asked me.

What sounds good? How about everything? It feels like I haven't eaten in forever. "Maybe some chicken Parmesan and a Cesar salad?" I asked him. "Mmm, that actually sounds so good right now. If we finish up with legos in 30 minutes I'll have dinner ready by 6:30, does that sound okay?" He asked me. "That sounds more than okay, you're amazing." I said as Joe dove right into the legos and started to connect some of the pieces. He was like a little kid sometimes, which was so much fun. He always kept our relationship so alive, funny, and wholesome, which was something I desperately needed after having only terrible relationships before him.

The next day, I woke up to the sound of Joe's alarm going off from his night stand and immediately sat up to access my leg and how it felt. From next to me, Joe sat up and turned off his alarm and started to rub his eyes and then he stretched. I looked over to him while he stretched with his eyes closed. His arms were up in the air, and I could see his perfect muscles. My eyes scanned over his pecs, his abs, and his huge biceps. Every single detail all the way to where the blanket stopped just above the waist band of his boxers. I gulped a little bit at the sight of him and tried not to get too worked up considering we had somewhere to be soon.

While my eyes were on Joe's faultless body, I didn't even realize that he had caught me staring until he cleared his throat and said with a chuckle, "excuse me, my eyes are up here." I quickly looked up into those bright blue eyes with a small laugh and began to stretch myself, although there was nothing for Joe to stare at since I was in one of Joe's oversized LSU tee's and a pair of shorts, which was my go to sleeping outfit. "How does your leg feel?" Joe asked me. It hurt. I quickly nodded with a smile. "It feels surprisingly good. Let's get ready." I said. Joe just looked at me sternly, making me cave right away. He could always tell when I was lying. "Fine, it hurts. But I still want to go. Please." I practically begged him.

With an eye roll, Joe swung his legs over the side of the bed so his back was facing me, giving me the perfect view of his extremely muscular back and shoulders. "Damn." I accidentally said out loud, making Joe crack up laughing at how shocked I looked when I realized I didn't say it in my head. "Of course you can come, I need you there. But if your leg starts to hurt or you don't feel up to it anymore, then tell me and I'll either drive you home or get someone else to. I don't want you to be miserable and in pain all day." Joe said.

I immediately sprung up a little bit and shuffled my way out of bed and then grabbed my crutches that were leaning on the nightstand. "Yes! Oh wow, I'm excited. Last years was so much fun." I said all excitedly and hobbled over to the bathroom to beat Joe so I could go pee. With the little time I had to actually move around last night considering how exhausted I was, Joe got me moving so I could test out my crutches and get the hang of them, so today was a little easier to maneuver around.

Right after Joe and I ate breakfast, it was already time for us to start getting ready for the event. Per Robins request, we had to get there before anyone else did and be extra early, so to make her happy, we made sure we would arrive right after she got there. Knowing her, she was probably already there, though. Currently, Joe was in a really good mood and feeling optimistic about the whole event since it was such a great turnout last year for the first ever invitational, but I knew that after a few hours and after numerous people requested pictures with him, he would totally be over it. Therefore, I was soaking in every second I could with a happy and currently people loving Joe.

When we were ready, Joe helped me get into the car and put my crutches in the back seat before walking around to the other side and getting in himself. Even though I ironed a pair of golf shorts and left them on the bed for Joe to wear this morning, he opted for a white tee shirt and shorts with a pair of Ugg slippers. I knew his mom would be on his ass eventually about his choice of outfit, but luckily he was bringing a change of clothes to better match the vibe of the event once speeches started and the food was brought out. Unlike Joe's lazy outfit, I wore a cute little pink and white sundress and since I didn't want to worry about having a hard time walking around, I wore my favorite white converse shoes-well, shoe if we're being technical since the cast covered my whole foot as well.

When we got to the event, it didn't take long for people to start piling in. Not only people who were invited to the event were pulling in, but also caterers and the people who were helping run everything for today. So much for being early and avoiding all of these people.

Once Joe parked in the very front of the parking lot closest to the building, he quickly got out and walked around to the front of the car to get to me. While he did that, I opened the door and slid my right leg out of the car and then picked up my left leg to try and maneuver it out of the car without bumping it or making the pain any worse than it already was. "Hey, hey, let me help you. Don't hurt yourself." Joe said as he grabbed my crutches from the back seat and then leaned them on the car. "I'm fine, I'm going to have to do this when you aren't here." I said. "Yeah, well, I'm here now, so let me help you." Joe said and grabbed my purse that was resting on my lap.

With a small eye roll, I faced Joe some more so he could help me out of the car. Even though I felt like a complete baby, it was nice not having to worry about bumping my leg or getting out of the car and falling down since Joe was here. Joe put both of his hands under my arms and then pulled me out of the car. The entire time, I watched his face as he lifted me up with ease, not even phased by it in the slightest. My face flushed red slightly when I was placed on the ground, so I quickly looked down at the ground while grabbing my crutches. "Are you okay, did that hurt at all?" Joe asked me, a slight hint of worry in his voice after shutting my door and looking at me. I could tell he was scanning my face to see if I was okay.

I looked up at him with a sigh and nodded. "Yes Joe, but if you keep treating me like I'm fragile, I'm going to lose my mind." I said with a small laugh. Joe sucked in his lips a little bit, realizing how much of a helicopter partner be was being right now and then he stood out of the way so we could start heading inside to greet Robin and Jimmy and maybe even my parents if they were here yet. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Sha'll we?" Joe asked me with a smile. "We sha'll." I giggled and started to walk after him, making sure not to place my crutches anywhere that would make the crutches slip out from under me. The last thing I wanted was to embarrass myself in front of all kinds of people and have people take pictures of me on the ground.

Joe stayed by my side the entire time, but I couldn't help but notice how much he struggled to walk slowly. With his long legs, his strides were always super long, fast, and spaced out. With my less long legs, I always had to take bigger strides to keep up with him. But now, with me being handicapped, I can tell he's struggling to take shorter strides and to stick with me since I usually have to stick with him. There were so many times where he would start walking fast before catching himself and having to focus on walking slower all over again.

Before Joe had to leave and go play some golf with various people, we first made our way over to Robin and Jimmy who were flying around and trying to make everything perfect. As soon as Robin spotted us, her face lit up and she started to speed walk towards us. "Oh my goodness how are you?" She asked me when she got to us, putting her hands on my shoulders and looking me up and down. "I'm okay. It's pretty sore and practically aches all the time, but we're getting by." I said. While I said this, Robin took a step towards Joe and gave him a tight hug. "I love you, Joe." She said once they separated. "I love you too mom." Joe smiled down at her, though I could tell he wanted to get the show on the road. "I just feel so bad. Joe kept us in the loop with everything after your surgery, but I haven't talked to him about the actual surgery. Did everything go good?" She asked me.

From behind Robin, I could see Jimmy finally spot us and make his way over to us. "The doctors said everything went well. Broken Tibia's are normal for car crashes so it was nothing new, y'know?" I said with a small shrug. "Well that's good. I'm just glad you could make it. I know at first I just thought it would be best if you stayed home, but Joe needs you here. You keep him...semi sane." Robin said and laughed at Joe when he shook his head down at his mom and started to walk over to his dad instead of listening to his mom talk about him. "Trust me, I know. Yesterday he told me I was his emotional support person." I laughed as she stuck out her bottom lip, finding it adorable.

If we had a number one supporter, it was Robin. Of course there was always Jimmy who supported us no matter what, but Robin was a lot more vocal about it and showed it a lot more.

Once Robin and I talked for a few minutes and then I greeted Jimmy, my parents arrived so we all talked together and caught up a little bit. Another thing about me is that I hate being the center of attention. But can you guess what happens when you get into a car crash and total your car, break your Tibia and get surgery on it, and then end up in crutches with a huge cast on your leg? Ding. Ding. Ding. You become the center of attention.

We only talked for a little bit though since we all had to part ways. Much to Joe's dismay, he had to finally leave me. Luckily he wasn't too annoyed about it since he was going to play golf instead of something he doesn't enjoy. Robin and Jimmy were greeting a bunch of people, and since I needed space from my parents who were- like Joe-helicopter parents, I escaped them.

For a little bit and as a bunch of people started piling in, I made small talk with numerous different people and introduced myself to a lot of people I didn't know. Eventually, I ended up away from a lot of the crowd so I wasn't worried about hitting anyone, putting my crutches on people's shoes, saying excuse me every 5 seconds, or falling. The alcoholic drinks were being passed around on little trays, so I leaned against a railing overlooking the golf course and snatched a drink from someone's tray.

By now, Joe and the rest of the people he was golfing with were already out of sight, so although I didn't get to watch Joe, I still watched other people and mentally critiqued their forms in my head; although I suck at golf and shouldn't be anywhere near a club.

All of a sudden, I saw someone walk up to me on my right out of the corner of my eye and jumped a little bit. I whipped my head over and started to laugh a little bit when I saw that it was only Sam Hubbard. "Damn-you scared me." I laughed. Sam started to laugh as he leaned on the railing next to me with a drink in his hand as well. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he laughed and then gestured down to my leg, "I'm actually surprised that you're here. How's the leg?" He asked me. I sighed and looked down at the huge cast covering my leg and foot. "A pain in my ass pretty much sums it all up." I said, the both of us laughing.

Not wanting to stay on my injury subject any longer, I quickly changed the subject before Sam could ask me something else about it. "So where's the fiancé? I was hoping she'd be here today, make me less bored." I said. Sam took a sip of his drink and shook his head while facing me more. "Her family is in town this weekend. She really didn't want to miss it, but her family really wanted to see her. Plus with the wedding coming up and all." He said. "Oh my gosh for sure. I get it. Plus weddings are stressful so the more they can help her plan some things and take some of that stress off of her shoulders the better." I said and took a sip of my drink.

Resting my hand and glass on the ledge, I began to swirl the liquid around in my drink and watch as the sun reflected off of the glass. "Exactly. It's not for a while, but she's still trying to plan everything out to make sure it's perfect." He said with a smile and stared off out into the golf course for a few seconds. "We're girls, it's what we do." I laughed a little bit. Sam raised his eyebrows quickly with a nod and looked back over to me. "Good to know."

Looking to my right, I could see Robin next to the microphone where speeches were going to be held after Joe returned from golfing. She was checking the microphone to see if it was working properly and was looking around to make sure all of the decorations were in the right places. Since I was looking over at Robin for a few seconds, Sam followed my lead and looked in the same direction, wondering what I was looking at. "Oh yeah...speeches. That should be fun for Mr shy Joey B." Sam said. We all knew how Joe burrow got during speeches, even when it was family and friends and people that were all there to support him. He was a shy person at heart when it came to standing in front of a crowd and talking, but not when it came to playing football for millions and millions of people.

"I might help him pregame before his speech so he's less nervous up there. I might even push him to take an edible." I said. "Or you could work some magic before the speech. Y'know, release some tension and all." Sam said with a quick raise of his eyebrows up and down a few times. I let my jaw hang open at his suggestion before hitting him in the arm slightly. "That is so not funny Hubbard." I said with a scoff. "It wasn't supposed to be funny because it wasn't a joke." Sam laughed and watched as my face flushed red, making me look away from him. "I can't with you sometimes." I shook my head and drank the last sip of my drink.

After a while, I left Sam and started to hobble around somewhere else, making some more small talk with some people. While I was making my way around though, I noticed that my leg was really starting to hurt, causing a slight wave of nausea to wash over me. There were far too many people around me right now talking and walking about, so I decided to go find Robin and ask her if there was anywhere that I could go to be alone for a little bit until my leg felt better.

Once I made my way to Robin, she looked me up and down with a slight worried look on her face, able to tell something was wrong. "Are you okay? Is it your leg?" She asked me and started to rub my arm. "Yeah, it hurts pretty bad. Is there any  where I can go to prop my leg up for a little bit and get away from everyone?" I asked. Robin scanned the whole area and then nodded. "Yes, of course. There's a room that's vacant right now with a couch so I'll just stick you in there until you feel better. Is that okay?" She asked me. "That sounds amazing." I said with a sigh and gave her a smile smile.

Robin guided me over to the room where I could get away from the commotion. The whole way there, she kept her hand on my back and made sure that I was okay while walking. "I'm sorry about this, I wouldn't have come if I knew how much my leg would hurt." I said, feeling bad that I had to leave so soon after the event started and make Robin stop what she was doing. "Don't be silly, this is nothing. We need you here," Robin said and opened up the door and holding it open as I hobbled inside, "take as long as you need, okay?" She told me. "Okay, thank you." I said. With a smile, Robin said, "of course, anything for my favorite daughter in law," and then shut the door, leaving me all alone.

Now that I was all alone, I let out a loud groan while walking to the couch and then plopped myself down on it, practically melting into it. I placed my crutches on the ground and then used the pillows to elevate my leg. Almost immediately, my leg felt better. Once I was situated on the couch, I grabbed some Advil out of my purse and then took a few pills to try and dissipate some of the pain so I could get back out there as soon as possible.

While I waited, I went on my phone and started to scroll through Instagram. After a few minutes, I refreshed the page and then saw of the some pictures that the foundations Instagram page posted on their story. There were various different pictures from the event, and then a few of Joe in his lazy outfit on the golf course with 5 other people including Cody Ford. Then there was another picture with Joe and two workers from Jeff Ruby's catering service and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. In the picture, Joe looked so incredibly tall and his hair looked amazing and so fluffy. Even though it was only a simple picture of Joe smiling, Butterflies fluttered around in my stomach.

Knowing that Joe would probably be wondering where I was since he was back from golfing, I went to my contacts and was just about to call him when I heard the door open. Expecting it to be a worker from the event that needed this room for something, I quickly tried to stand up and said, "I'm sorry, I was just leaving." As soon as I said this, I saw that it was only Joe, and when he saw me, he quickly shut the door, though I could see the worried expression on his face. Realizing it was only him and that I was in fact not being kicked out, I settled back into the couch and was about to tell Joe why I was in here when he spoke before me. "Hey, baby, what's wrong, my mom told me you were in here. Did something happen? Did you fall or did someone step on you? Do you need me to take you home real quick? I have about 20 more minutes until I need to change and make a speech." Joe said in a rushed manner, gesturing down to the black Nike shirt in his hands that he needed to change into before speeches.

"Joey I'm fine. My leg started to hurt so Robin took me in here so I could be alone and rest for a few minutes while you were golfing." I said as Joe started to walk over to me, still carrying a worried expression. When he reached me, Joe sat down next to me and started to read my face before he let out a sigh of relief and nodded. "Okay, okay. Are you sure you're okay though?" Joe asked me and started to rub my thigh. "I promise. I took some Advil so once it kicks in I'll be good to go." I said with a reassuring smile. Joe reached up and started to rub the back of his neck with a small chuckle. "Damn, this is weird, you being hurt and all. Usually it's me. When my mom told me you were in here I thought the worst possible thing happened to you." Joe said.

"Yeah, try watching you get tackled by 300 pound men and take a second to get up. Or try being out of state when I watched you tear your acl." I said, thinking back to all of the times where I would watch him get tackled and struggle to breathe sometimes. There was one specific time back at LSU where he was on his hands and knees for a few minutes and I could've sworn that he broke ribs or collapsed a lung. Two of the worst things, though, was being 8 hours away from him when he tore his acl and I had to drive all night long just to get to him, all while being terrified of the unknown. Or when he recently hurt his hand and I had to watch him try to throw a ball, but drop to the ground when he realized he couldn't and then watch him go to the locker room where I had no idea what was wrong with him or if his season or career was over with.

Joe shook his head and leaned back on the couch while reaching down and grabbing my hurt leg. Joe was super careful while he picked my leg up and placed it in his lap so it could be elevated for a little bit. I let out a sigh of relief when he placed it on his lap and then closed my eyes. "Oh wow, that feels better." I said while smiling. "I truly don't know how you do it. I couldn't imagine having to watch that and not know what happened or if I was okay." Joe said and looked straight ahead to think about what I have to go through pretty much every single game. "So this year, maybe try not to get hurt, how does that sound?" I asked him. Joe looked at me with a small laugh and said, "I will certainly try."

"How much longer do you have before your speech?" I asked him while leaning back some more on the couch, lifting up my other leg and setting it on Joe's lap as well. Joe grabbed his phone out of his pocket and then looked super bummed. "About 15 minutes. Great." Joe said with a not so pleased look on his face. I could hear the hint of worry and nervousness in his voice, so I reached forwards and grabbed his hand, giving it a little squeeze. "You're gonna do great, just like always. This ain't your first rodeo." I said with a smile. Joe looked down at me after slipping his phone back into his pocket and let out a big sigh. "I hate giving speeches. It's different when I have to talk about football in front of people because I know football like the back of my hand. But this, I feel like there's so much expected out of me for some reason." Joe said with a little shrug. "You know food insecurity and mental health like the back of your hand too, you grew up around it. Just talk from the heart like you always do." I said.

"How much would I have to pay you to give this speech for me?" Joe asked me with a pleading look on his face, wanting nothing more than for me to stand up there in his place and give the speech for him. "You don't have that kind of money. Plus, this is your foundation, I only help you with it." I said. Joe looked forwards and tried to think of a reason that he couldn't give this speech, and when he thought of something, he whipped his head over to me. "What if I make an excuse that my hand started to hurt and needed to ice it?" Joe asked me. "One, you can give a speech while icing your wrist, and two, every single bengals fan around the world would have a heart attack." I said and shook my head at his stupid idea.

Joe just groaned a little bit while resting his head on the back of the couch so he was looking up at the ceiling. I couldn't help but feel bad for him. Most people knew he hated public speaking, especially when it wasn't football related. When it was about football, the answers came naturally and he could milk some of the answers a little bit depending on what the people wanted to hear. But when it came to the foundation, although he's extremely passionate about it and the good it does, the speeches and the answers don't come as natural. During these kind of speeches he always felt vulnerable and uneasy. He wasn't worried about messing up while talking about football since he knew how to answer every question and give speeches about it. But with this, he knew there was a possibility of him messing up and that if he did, there would be hundreds of videos from hundreds of different angles all making fun of him.

"Hey, you're going to do great," I said, getting Joe to look over at me again, "if you get nervous or lost, just look at me. I'll be front and center and will try and help you in any way possible." Joe gave me a small smile and let out a small sigh, letting some of the tension out with it. "You promise?" Joe asked me. I held out my hand for a pinky promise and when Joe reached forwards and locked our pinkies together, I said, "I promise." With a nod, Joe put his hands on my legs and then glanced up at me. "How does your leg feel? Are you ready for me to put your legs down? I need to change my shirt." Joe said, making sure I was okay before we had to leave. "Yeah, she's feelin' better now." I said and leaned forwards slightly while he very carefully placed both of my feet on the ground, making sure not to hurt me. "She." Joe chuckled at how I called my leg a she. "Well my legs definitely not a boy." I laughed while sitting up straight on the couch.

With another chuckle and a roll of his eyes, Joe took off his shirt. I couldn't help but stare as he took his shirt off so quickly and easily, and I especially couldn't stop staring at him shirtless. My eyes scanned over his muscular shoulders, toned abs, and then his v-line which was showing ever so slightly. Right now, I was seriously contemplating whether or not to do what Sam said. I wanted nothing more than to kiss all the way down Joe's stomach while leaving small magenta marks on his abs and pecs, and then kiss up and down his v-line while Joe struggled with holding in his groans.

While I was staring at this perfect man in front of me and imagining what I wanted to do in here with him, I could tell Joe was amused with just watching me drool over him. While my eyes scanned every single inch of his infallible body, he looked down at me with that panty dropping smirk on his face, knowing I was enjoying this immensely.

I was quickly torn from my thoughts when he sadly slipped the black Nike shirt on, covering his perfect chest which was tan from being outside by the pool. "How was the show?" Joe asked me. My eyes shot up to look him in the eyes before I scoffed and stood up. "Oh as if, your body is so mediocre." I joked and rolled my eye. When I stood up, I grabbed my crutches and started to hobble over to him. "Oh yeah, then what's with the drool?" Joe asked me. I quickly reached up and wiped off the 'drool' from my mouth, but when I found none, I glared up at Joe, making him laugh. "So not cool." I laughed while nudging his shoulder.

We walked out of the little room together and then headed for the front of the event where Robin and Jimmy were waiting for Joe so they could start the speeches. When we got there, Joe was hesitant to leave my side, but eventually left and when to stand up in front of everyone with his parents. Robin started the speeches since only her and Joe were going to be giveng one, and when she was done, she said, "and with that, I'm going to pass if off to my very loved, beloved...son. Joe Burrow." I couldn't help but laugh a little bit as she passed the microphone down to him and then winked down at me with a smile.

When Joe got the microphone, the first thing he did was glance down at me. I could tell he was slightly nervous, but I knew he'd do amazing. When we made eye contact, I gave him a quick thumbs up with a big smile to try and help him the best that I could. "Thanks, mom." Joe said with a big smile on his face while looking over at her. Both Jimmy and Robin and a lot of the crowd started to laugh at what Joe said. When he started his speech, I could tell he was nervous, but he did amazing. Everyone listened the entire time to what he had to say and gave him their undivided attention.

After his speech was done, he handed the microphone back over to Robin who had a few words to say to end the short speeches, so I hobbled over to Joe who left both of his parents. "See, I told you that you would do great." I said. Since Joe wanted to wait for his parents, I walked by his side to wait with him and he put his hand on the small of my back extremely discretely. I knew he didn't like when pictures of us were taken because he valued privacy and I was completely fine with it, so when he found ways to put his hands on me without anyone knowing, I couldn't help but blush. "I fucking hate speeches." Joe said quietly down to me while bending down slightly so only I could hear and started to rub my back a little bit.

When the speeches were over and everyone started to either get some food or talk amongst themselves a little bit, I found a place to set my crutches on so I could have another drink, but midway through the drink, I started to get a little chilly since the wind was picking up a little bit. I had to look around the entire place 3 times before I finally spotted Joe talking to Sam and Cody Ford, so I headed over to them to ask Joe for the keys.

When I reached them, I kind of felt bad for interrupting, but they didn't seem to care. "Everything okay?" Joe asked me and started to rub my arm discretely. "Yeah, can I borrow your car keys though? I'm going to run to the car to get my sweater real quick." I said and greeted both Sam and Cody and excused myself for cutting in, to which they both said that it was no problem. "I can go and get it for you, it's no problem." Joe said and was about to turn to the boys to tell them he would be right back. "I can do it, it's okay. My leg feels a lot better anyways." I said. Joe looked me up and down and then said, "are you sure?" I gave him a small look before he reached into his pocket and grabbed out his car keys. After hesitating to hand me them, I finally glared at him long enough for him to hand them over. "Just be careful, please. And call me if you need me." Joe said. "I will." I said and slowly turned around and started to head to his car.

I walked out of the huge venue and to Joe's Porsche that was next to Robin and Jimmy's car. It only took me a few minutes to get to the car and put my sweater on, so I was heading back inside in no time. As I was hobbling in past people, I got a notification that someone texted me, so I moved over a little bit so I wasn't in the way and went on my phone to see a text from Joe telling me where he and the guys moved to and that he missed me. I couldn't help but laugh at him and how I was only gone for a few minutes but he missed me. I quickly replied back:

I was only gone for a few minutes, plus, I wasn't with you until I needed to grab the keys from you, you'll be fine Joey

I was still looking at you from across the venue. Just because you couldn't see me or find me doesn't mean that I couldn't see you 👀👀

You are something else Joseph Lee Burrow

And you love me for it. Now hurry up please 🙏🏻🥺

Stop it with the begging emoji, I swear

🥺

If you don’t stop I’m not going to bless you with my presence lmao

Ok fine 😂

I put my phone away with a laugh and started to work my way back inside, but not without getting stopped by a few people on the way. I couldn't help but laugh even more when I spotted Joe in the place he told me he was. Joe was currently sitting down on a couch next to Sam and Robin sat on the other side of Sam. Just like last year's event when Joe spotted a couch, he was slouched down on it and manspread which showed off his huge thighs.

Joe must've seen me out of the corner of his eye while looking in the opposite direction as me because his head whipped around to look at me and when we made eye contact, he gave me a huge smile and started to stretch a little bit. "Finally." Joe laughed. "I'm crippled, sorry that I took too long for you, you big baby." I joked while laughing at him and then looked over to Sam and Robin who were also laughing. "See, I should've went instead." Joe said while putting his hands on the couch so he could lift himself up off of it so I could sit down, but before he could, Sam quickly stood up. "You can sit down, Joe. You can have my seat." Sam told Joe and me as he stood up, letting me sit down. "Thank you Sam." I said and hobbled over to where he was. Joe reached forwards and grabbed my crutches and then gently grabbed ahold of my arm while I sat down, trying to help me.

When I sat down, Sam grabbed my crutches from Joe and leaned them against the railing closest to us. I let out a big sigh as I got myself situated in between Joe and Robin, finally taking pressure off of my leg that wasn't in the cast. It felt like every time I sat down, I had just ran a marathon. I looked over at Joe who was currently yawning. I could tell that he was pretty much all peopled out for the day, and the event still had a few more hours to go. For the most part, Joe was introverted and socially awkward. He loved to stay inside where he could interact with very few people as possible while watching SpongeBob and building legos. That's just the kind of person he was.

I walked inside Joe and I's house in Cincinnati that we bought after a year of being together and immediately dropped my bags on the ground with a big sigh and waited for Joe to come greet me. For the past week I've been in California for a business meeting that I turned into a little vacation so I was so excited to come home to Joe. Although we've face timed so we could see each other, we both were extremely busy; I was busy with work stuff and having fun with some friends in California, and he was busy here with games and practices since he was in the middle of the season, and it was an important one because he's back after his season ending injury.

Ever since we met each other at one of his nfl games four years ago and had a one night stand that turned into two, then three, then those one night stands turned into romantic dates, we've been together. It only took a year of realizing that we were in love to move in with each other. Some people said we rushed things and would never last. Everyone always said that since he was in the NFL, he was apparently a terrible guy who would eventually break my heart and move onto the next girl. We really proved them wrong. After waiting a few seconds for Joe to greet me with that amazing smile and shower me in kisses while telling me how happy he was that I was home, I decided to head upstairs. It was only 8pm, so he definitely wasn't asleep, but maybe he was showering or watching some game film and didn't even realize I was home.

Before I went to our room, I decided to go to his little office next to our room to see if he was still watching some game film for the upcoming game, but as soon as I passed the room, I heard some heavy breathing from inside. Raising my eyebrow, I walked closer to the closed door and pressed my ear against it to try and listen to what was happening. "Oh fuck. Right there....fuck." I heard Joe moan from inside of the room. My heart dropped in my chest as I took a step away from the door. My mouth hung open and I felt tears prick my eyes. "You mother fucking cheater." I whispered to myself, my hands beginning to shake. I felt so betrayed and hurt. My boyfriend of four years, who I thought would be the man I grew old with, was in our bedroom fucking some random girl and cheating on me. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe he really was a terrible guy. How could he do that to me after giving me a fucking promise ring two weeks ago. Hey, maybe I even knew the slut in there with him.

I didn't even know what to do. I was frozen in place as I continued to hear heavy breathing and the occasional moan or groan from Joe. Deciding to spare myself, I began to back away from the door so I didn't hear his noises which I loved to hear when I had sex with him. "Fuck you Joe!" I yelled before walking down the steps. I wanted him to know I had found him cheating on me before I left him to live all alone in this huge fucking house that he probably had girls over every time I was gone. I wanted dread and regret to fill his body when he realized I had caught him and that we were done for good. I was a good girlfriend...I was loyal. I never did anything wrong to make him want to do this to me. Yes, we had our fights and sometimes yelled, but I never thought he would do this. I never gave him a reason to. As I began to storm downstairs, I heard the door open quickly. "What the fuck do you mean? Whats going on?" He asked and followed after me quickly. I could hear his heavy and rushed footsteps as he tried to keep up. I turned my head a little bit to see his glossed over and tired eyes he always gets after his orgasm. I loved seeing those eyes after a long night of him fucking me which always ended in never ending cuddles. The thought that I would never be able to have that or see that again made me so incredibly sad. What did I seriously do to deserve this? I should've listened to my parents and friends when they told me he was a no good player and to leave before I got my heart broken.

Once I got to the bottom of the steps, I couldn't take it anymore. I quickly turned around while biting on the inside of my cheek, surely drawing blood, balled my hand into a fist, and punched Joe right in the nose without a second thought. Anger drove me instead of reason and I didn't even realize what I had done until my knuckles began to throb. Not expecting to be punched by his girlfriend so suddenly, he stumbled back a few steps and brought his hand to his nose which started to bleed a little bit. His eyes widened and he looked at me like I was the crazy one in this situation. "What the actual fuck!" He yelled while putting his whole body into the scream, confused by what was going on. "I know what you did you piece of shit! Where is she? Is she going to come down and introduce herself?" I yelled at him and pushed him in the chest, but this time, he didn't move a single inch, even when I pushed him a second time to try and make a point. I could feel his muscular chest before my hands fell down to my sides, giving up with using force since he was much stronger than me. "Don't hit me, what the hell? I'm so fucking confused right now!" He yelled and put his hands on the top of his head, running his fingers through his long brown hair in distress.

I laughed while looking him up and down. How could he seriously stand here in front of me and lie right to my face. I caught him and all he could do was deny it and play stupid. Typical. I should've known that it was too good to be true, even after four fucking years. I guess he lied when he said he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. It's truly my fault. Although he would never act like it, deep down he was an entitled piece of shit, of course he would cheat and then lie about it to try and save his own ass. What the fuck was I thinking. Joe's face turned red from yelling and that vein on his forehead that always stuck out during fights or sex made an appearance. Any other time I would find it extremely attractive, but right now, all I wanted to do was punch him again and again until all of the welts, cuts, and blood hid his perfect little face that had everyone falling head over heals. "You are such a fucking lier, Joseph! I leave for a week and boom, it's like we were never together." I said.

Joe began to breathe heavily as he looked down at me with those bright blue eyes and before I knew it, he yelled, "fuck!" I stepped back a little bit as he turned away from me, trying to compose himself a little bit so he didn't completely lose his shit. Every time we fought, he tried so hard not to lose his cool. He always raised his voice, cussed me out, walked away in frustration before coming back full force with his voice. When he made me cry he tried to make up for it then go to his office to release some anger or go to the basement where the bunching bag was. It was because of his horrible communication skills and not being able to express himself properly. I was the only person who could help with those flaws, but now he wouldn't have me anymore. Part of me felt bad for dragging this on, but I was so incredibly pissed off at him.

"I know you were upstairs fucking some girl! The jig is up, I found out! Tomorrow morning, I'm out of here." I said. Joe just looked down at me like I was missing something, but he was still seeing red and extremely angry at me for hitting him and yelling at him. Then I saw a small smile of disbelief spread across his face and he chuckled slightly, realizing why I was so mad at him. "Oh of course, lie some more!" I said and was about to walk away but and I stopped in my tracks, ready to go off on him for finding this funny. Before I could go off on him some more, that same smile fell from his face quickly and he took a step towards me. "I was fucking jerking off!" He yelled at me. Sucking in a breath, I looked him up and down before pushing past him and running upstairs. "My nose fucking hurts by the way, you gonna apologize!" He called up after me while following me up the stairs. While I ran, he instead walked up the stairs, finding no need to chase after me. I ran into the room, expecting to see some naked girl on the bed, but there was nothing. Only a bottle of lotion and one of my bikini magazines.

My heart once again dropped in my chest, but not for the same reasons as last time. Instead of being heartbroken that I supposedly caught my boyfriend cheating, I felt so incredibly rude, selfish, and I was so angry at myself. I just accused my boyfriend of cheating on me and I actually punched him. I fucking punched him. I've never laid my hands on another person before, let alone punch anyone. After looking at the bottle of lotion for a few seconds, I turned around to see Joe staring straight at me as I stood there. I felt so incredible stupid and embarrassed. "Holy shit. I am so, so sorry." I said quickly as he breathed heavily. I could tell he was so close to losing his shit and going absolutely crazy, especially after I punched him, but he kept his cool. All he did was stand there, jaw and fists clenched while glaring down at me. Before he talked, he tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down, but he was still too worked up. "I would never cheat on you. Ever. We've been together for four fucking years and if you think that I would ever fuck some random girl just because I miss you, you obviously haven't been paying attention to how much I fucking am in love with you!" He yelled, looking me up and down angrily.

I looked him up and down as well as he wiped off the remaining blood from his nose. He looked down at the red blood on his fingers which he smeared around slightly and then just like every fight to release some steam and not yell anymore, he turned around and stormed off angrily to his office where he could be alone and release his anger. Sometimes he would go to the basement where the punching bag was, but he instead headed to his office this time. Joe disappeared down the hallway before I heard his office door slam shut. I could hear him throw something on the ground and I was about to go see if he was okay, but just sat on the bed instead. I sat in my thoughts for a few seconds, knowing he didn't want to see my face tonight or even for a week. I felt like a terrible girlfriend. I can't believe that I actually punched him and got him all worked up over nothing. I've never accused him or even thought about the possibility of him cheating because I knew he would never, ever, cheat on me. So why would I accuse him? I know I heard him moaning in the room, but I should've known better. I should've known. I felt like such a psychopath. Joe would never even think about getting physical with me or laying a hand on me, so the fact that I got physical with him made me so incredibly disappointed in myself.

I looked down on the bed and picked up my magazine, but immediately dropped it when his load that he shot onto a picture of me in a revealing bikini dripped onto my thigh. "Fucking hell." I said, wiping it off my thigh quickly. But, as I looked down at the magazine and started to imagine him jerking off to a picture of me and imagine the sounds he would make, I started to realize just how horny I was. I was so busy with work and I was so tired at night that I didn't even get to finger myself or use my vibrator. It was the same vibrator Joe bought me when I started complaining about how much he was gone. As I imagined Joe jerking himself off and moaning my name, a throb started to build between my legs. I let out a sigh and crossed my legs quickly, trying to find any form of relief.

After a few minutes, I got up and slowly started to walk to his office where he was probably trying to take his mind off of the fight with some game film or by throwing a ball at the wall repeatedly, which always drives me crazy. As I got to the door, I knocked on it twice before I heard Joe say, "I'm really not in the mood to get yelled at again." I rolled my eyes at his annoying ass and then twisted the door handle, but it was locked. "Joe I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Please let me in." I said with a defeated sigh, resting my forehead on the door. I could hear him typing some things on his computer and the squeaking of his broken chair that should've been replaced four years ago. "Are you going to punch me again?" He asked me. I couldn't help but let out a small laugh at his sassy tone. "Probably not, but maybe." I joked with him, but stopped laughing when I realized that he wasn't laughing at all.

I could hear him get up from the chair, so I listened as his footsteps got closer. There was a small click of him turning the lock, and then I could hear him sit back in his chair. Slowly, I opened up the door and swung it open to see him facing me in his chair. His arms were crossed over his thick chest and he was slouched down in the chair. The throb started to build as I looked him up and down, admiring him as he sat there, manspread. I then looked down at his hands. Oh those hands. My eyes danced over every single vein that shot up his arm. He truly was like a work of art that deserved to be displayed in a museum.

My mind was so focused on the man sitting in front of me that I barely heard him clear his throat, but it pulled me from my thoughts. "How can I make it up to you?" I asked him. "You can't, not right now at least. I'm busy and frankly, not in the best mood. I wonder why that could be." He looked up at me with that cocky smirk on his face. I tilted my head and then walked closer to him. "I have an idea, it won't require you to ruin a perfectly good magazine though, is that okay?" I asked him. Joe just looked me up and down, and, even though I could see the tent that started to grow in his pants, he still wanted me to understand how angry he was at me. "I'm not in the mood." He said. "Let me make it up to you." I told him and was about to fall onto my knees in front of him when he stood up, towering over me. "I said, I'm not in the mood."

I looked up at him and made eye contact with him and put a hand on his chest. Occasionally, he loved it when I took charge, so I decided to go with it and make him let me make it up to him. "Sit down, Joe." I demanded, pushing him back slightly. As he sat back down in the chair, the smirk got even bigger and he looked up at me with those amazing blue eyes. Continuing what I wanted to do before he stood up, I dropped down to my knees in front of him and put both of my hands on his thighs. I tried to spread them open, but they wouldn't budge. Making eye contact with him again, I glared at him and then leaned back on my heels. After a few seconds, he sighed and spread his legs open for me.

With a smile, I reached forwards and pulled his cock out of his pants. I couldn't help but gulp at the sight of it right in front of me. Although it was extremely hard, the size and weight of it weighed it down and I could see the dots of pre-cum on his slightly red tip. Getting closer, I opened my mouth slightly and swirled my tongue around the tip of it while giving the base of his cock a few lazy pumps with my hand, knowing he was far too big to fit the whole thing inside of my mouth. "Fuck, don't tease." He groaned out at the feeling of me licking circles around the tip. I watched as he started to tense up and grip onto the arms of the chair. Deciding to listen to him, I slowly took him in my mouth and went all the way down until his tip hit the back of my throat, and started to bob my head in and down quickly, slurping and sucking him into oblivion.

Looking up, I could see his eyes roll into the back of his head, and when I licked up the long vein that started at the base and went to the tip, he let out a groan. Knowing he loved it when I did it, I started to rub the sweet spot on his cock, gaining another groan to fall from his parted lips before I took him in my mouth once more and started to bob my head up and down quickly. Although I was going at a pace that seemed efficient, Joe reached forwards and gathered up all of my hair into a makeshift ponytail and started to force my head down farther on his cock while exasperating my movements. I let out a moan and made eye contact with him, struggling to take it all. "Be a good girl and take it for me, you can do it. Keep breathing." He said, encouraging me to keep going.

As I continued to make eye contact with him, I opened my mouth farther as he pushed my head down onto his dick, his tip hitting the back of my throat with force each time, making me gag occasionally. Tears and mascara ran down my cheeks, but joe reached down to wipe them away. After a few more seconds, Joe started to thrust back up every time my head went down, meeting me with force each time until his hips started to buckle. "Just like that pretty girl." He groaned out as I felt him twitch inside of my mouth before I could feel his warm liquid being shot into my mouth. I pulled away from his mouth and was about to lean over to spit out his cum when he grabbed my chin gently and turned my head to look back at him. "No, no, no...swallow." He said. While making eye contact with him, I allowed the salty and warm liquid to flow down my throat.

Immediately after I swallowed, he stood up and then held out his hands to help me up. Reaching up, I placed my hands in his and he lifted me off of the ground with ease before he turned me around and put both of his hands on my hips, digging his fingers into my skin impatiently. "Pull your pants down and bend over the table." He ordered quickly. In a rush, I pulled my pants and undies down as fast as I could and bent over his table. He then pushed his computer and everything to the side. My thighs were coated with my own arousal and all I could think about was his dick inside of me. "Please." I sighed out while I began to squirm.

All of a sudden, I could feel his thick fingers slide through my slick folds, trying to see how wet and needy I was for him. "You're so fucking wet for me." He groaned as he continued to curl his fingers so they were going inside of me a tiny bit, teasing me just like I did with him. "I need you." I wined, fidgeting in front of him while I leaned on the table. Without warning, one of his hands found my hip and gripped tightly while forcing himself into me. "Oh fuck!" I moaned out loudly as he filled me up and stretched me out so incredibly much. He didn't even give me any time to acclimate to his size and started to thrust into me with force. Soon, both of his hands found my hips so he could drive my hips back towards him to meet his thrusts, gaining loud moans to fall from my lips every single time. Joe leaned his full weight onto me as his hips met my ass each time, wanting me to take every single inch of him. "You're so fucking tight." He groaned from above me as I clenched around his dick.

Every time he snapped his hips against mine, he hit my g-spot, making me weak at the knees. "F-fuck." I moaned out and moved my hips forwards instinctively as a mixture of pain and pleasure washed over me. "You can take it. Stay still." He groaned while he wrapped an arm under my waist, pulling my hips back and holding me still as he continued to rut into me. With every hard thrust, he let out groans freely, knowing the effect it has on me. Hearing him be vocal during sex always drove me absolutely insane. Joe grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, wanting me to look him in the eye as he fucked me. He loved looking at my fucked out face. The way I winced and moaned every time he hit my g-spot, making me nauseous sometimes.

As soon as we made eye contact and I saw how he was biting on his lower lip in concentration, I felt a knot form in my stomach. "Faster." I moaned out breathlessly, knowing I was close. Joe dropped my hair so he could fuck me faster and then he leaned down and rested his head on my shoulder and started to slam into me. "Oh fuck!" I cried out. With each thrust, a loud cry escaped my lips. I was unable to control myself as he fucked me into oblivion. Pure ecstasy coursed through my veins and my eyes rolled into the back of my head as I was pushed against the desk. There was pain, but it was good pain. Pain that drove me mad. "I-I'm so close." I moaned out. Knowing I loved when he did it and because it makes my orgasm even better, he reached down with one hand and started to rub slow and gentle circles into my clit. "Cum for me baby." He groaned into my ear while thrusting into me.

It only took one more thrust for me to release the knot in my stomach. I let out a loud moan as my whole body began to shake. "Oh Joey." I moaned. Before I could even fully come down from my high, Joe turned me around so I was facing him. Before continuing, he looked deeply into my eyes, looking for approval, and when I nodded, he picked me up forcefully and before we even got to the couch in his office, he forced his cock into my soaking wet walls while he carried me. "Oh my gosh!" I moaned out as I hid my face in his neck, continuously moaning inaudible things. While we walked, his hands that were gripping my hips tightly lifted me up and down on his cock and he said, "look at me, you know I love to look at you pretty girl." He said.

Once he got to the couch and I forced myself to look up at him, he sat down on the couch and pushed my hips down on him, making me sink down on his hard cock. I let out a loud moan since he wasn't letting me go at all and just looked up at me while I struggled to sit with his dick all the way in me with no movement. "Are you sorry for punching me and screaming at me?" Joe asked me. I lifted off of him slightly and, Looking into his eyes, I opened my mouth to talk but all that came out was a moan as Joe forced my hips back down onto him. "I'm sorry, Joe. I'm really, really sorry." I said, feeling terrible for what I did, but my face flushed red from finding this so incredibly hot. The way he held my hips onto him so incredibly tightly and forced me to take it while getting another apology out of me.

With a nod, Joe released my hips and rested them on the top of the couch, taking turns between looking me in the eyes, and looking down to where we were connected. "Ride me like a good girl then." He smirked. Taking a deep breath, I started to rock my hips forwards and backwards, starting slow and steadily getting faster. I bit my lip hard and put both of my hands on his chest as I started to bounce on his dick. Every time I went up, I braced myself to fall onto his dick because every single time he hit my cervix. I let out continuous moans of pleasure while he watched me ride him. "Mmm, you feel so good." I moaned loudly, throwing my head back as I went into sensation overload; Feeling him fill me up and stretch me out while rocking my hips.

As my legs started to feel weak, I instead put both of my hands on his thighs behind me so I could continue bouncing up and down. Joe, knowing I couldn't go on for much longer, took matters into his own hands and started to meet my hips. "Joey!" I cried out at the feeling of his dick ramming into my g-spot. Joe let out continuous groans while watching my fucked out face and thrusting up into me. Every time I went low on him, he thrusted his hips up towards me, filling me up and stretching me out each time. Within a few seconds, I felt the same knot come back. All I had to do was look into Joe's eyes and he knew I was close, so once again he dropped his hand to where we were connected and started to rub slow and gentle circles into my clit with his thumb. The added stimulation drove me over the edge and in a matter of seconds, I was crumbling onto his lap as my orgasm crashed over me.

My whole body shook once again and I screamed in pure ecstasy, seeing stars everywhere I looked. While I road out my high, Joe held my hips down on him so he was all the way in me, and I loved it at first, but it became too painful. Opening my eyes, I put both of my hands on his abdomen and tried to lift myself off of him, slightly over stimulated. "Take a little break, baby. You're doing amazing. You're doing so good." He encouraged me, giving me a small smile as I breathed heavily, starting to feel weak. I focused on my breathing when I lifted myself off of his dick and rested on his abdomen, needing a little bit before I could go another round. My chest rose and fell quickly and before I knew it, he had his hand dropped down to my heat and was rubbing slow circles into my clit and running his fingers through my folds, trying to make me more wet and worked up so it didn't hurt. I always envied people who could go more rounds because I knew Joe could go all night without a break. I wanted to give that to him, but I wasn't able to.

As he rubbed circles into my clit, I closed my eyes and began to let out continuous sighs. It was just the right amount of pressure too, because soon enough, I could feel how wet I was, and Joe could tell too since I was sitting on his abdomen. "I need you." I groaned out, still able to go another round. Joe, still extremely horny and hard, immediately grabbed me by the hips and set me down on the couch on my back and crawled on top of me. The chain he was wearing dangled in my face, tuning me on even more. "Are you ready?" He asked, checking with me first since he knew I didn't have the stamina he did, although I could tell he wanted nothing more than to fuck me. It was so hard to take my eyes off of him and his hair that dangled onto his forehead while his chain swung above my head, but I forced myself to nod and make eye contact with him.

After I nodded my head, he picked up my legs and threw them around him and I immediately braced myself, knowing he was going to fuck me hard. Just like I thought, he quickly thrusted into me, once again giving me no time to acclimate to his size as he picked up speed. "Don't stop." I moaned out as he continued to rut into me. I felt so full and stretched out as he fucked me. Part of me hoped he would cum soon, though, since I knew pain would replace the pleasure soon. "Take it for me, you can do it." He groaned into my ear before he thrusted into me harder than before, making me arch my back. I then put my hands on his back and started to dig my finger nails into his back, surely leaving scratch marks and blood in their wake. I sealed my eyes shut and furrowed my brows as the pleasure started to slowly get replaced with pain. After a week of not having sex, my body wasn't used to this.

"Holy fuck!" I cried out, digging my finger nails into his back more. I wasn't worried about leaving scratch marks all over him or drawing blood. Joe loved when I marked him up, maybe even more than when he marked me up. While he loved seeing hickies on my body, he was obsessed with looking into the mirror in the morning and seeing all kinds of scratches and welts on his back that I left.

Although I did love this feeling, It was getting harder to take, and Joe could tell. "Take it a little longer." He groaned into my ear while slamming into me, hitting my cervix with the tip of his cock with each snap of his hips. My eyes rolled into the back of my head while he fucked me and my body moved around like crazy, being manipulated by Joe as he moved my body up farther and farther on the couch as he fucked me so extremely hard and fast.

When I started moving too much, he grabbed my hips to stop himself from moving me too much and rutted into me just like before, except this time I didn't move up and he went even deeper inside of me. There were so many times where it felt like he couldn't get any deeper, but then he would find a way to go deeper and hit a new spot. "Joe." I moaned out in a serious way, the pain was slowly becoming too much and I needed some relief. When he looked into my eyes while breathing heavily and saw my expression, he quickly dropped his hand down to where we were connected and started to rub circles into my clit again. I let out a loud moan at the feeling, some of the pleasure returning, but it wasn't enough.

Tears streamed down my face as he fucked me harder than he ever has. This was a lot. It hurt a lot. But I loved it. I couldn't wait until he would cum, but I still loved it. I loved the way he made me feel. I loved how he fucked me until my whole body shook. I loved how he fucked me so hard that I couldn't walk the next morning. When I felt a knot in my stomach, I arched my back and lifted my hips up to meet his thrusts. I screamed in pure ecstasy and tried my best to hold my orgasm back a little bit. I knew I couldn't go another round, but I tried to prolonged this as much as I could. I forced my eyes open and made eye contact with Joe who slammed into me every time. I went back and forth between looking him in the eyes and watching his chain swing back and forth in front of my eyes. We held eye contact even when he leaned down and kissed me. We both breathed so incredibly heavily into the wet and sloppy kiss, but it was so hard to kiss him back. Angling my hips a different way, he thrusted into me and hit a spot he missed all along, immediately making my orgasm wash over me. "Oh Joey!" I moaned loudly. Our lips were together, but we didn't kiss each other. It was too hard to kiss him in this moment.

My whole body shook like crazy underneath of him, but I didn't feel him ease up at all as he fucked me through my high. "I-it's too much." I moaned out loudly. Joe quickly looked into my eyes and leaned back as he continued to thrust into me. I would say it was too much for different reasons. The main reasons were because I needed him to rub my clit or change positions, or in this case, stop. Once he read my expression and knew I couldn't go any longer and was tapping out, he gave me a few more thrusts, allowing himself to cum while still thrusting into me since It felt too good to stop right away. To make it easier on me, he dropped his hand down to my clit and continued to rub my sensitive bundle of nerves extremely slowly and eventually, I felt another knot in my stomach.

Within a few seconds, his thrusts slowed and got sloppy and before I knew it, I released the knot in my stomach and I felt a twitch inside of me. My whole body once again shook like crazy and I sealed my eyes shut, this orgasm was more powerful than the others. My whole body coursed with pure ecstasy as he pulled out of me, both of our liquids dripping down my legs and onto the couch that would definitely need to be cleaned. The both of us breathed so extremely heavily as we came down from our highs and I was exhausted, although I could tell that Joe could continue on for hours. "Are you okay? You did so good." Joe said, knowing he could be too rough sometimes. "I'm exhausted...but that felt amazing." I said breathlessly as he fell by my side on the couch and put an arm under my head so I could rest my head on it.

We just gazed into each other's eyes for a few seconds, needing to catch our breaths before we could talk. "Was that a good enough apology?" I asked him after a few minutes, still feeling bad for accusing him of cheating and punching him. "I can't believe you fucking punched me," he chuckled while holding his nose that was bruised from me, and there was still a little bit of dried blood, "but yes, that was a very good apology." He said. I could tell that his eyes were getting heavy. "I can't believe I fucking punched you too. I really am sorry. For that, and for accusing you of cheating." I said. All Joe did was nod and smile before leaning in to kiss me gently. When our lips separated, he wrapped his other arm around me and held me closely to him. "I hope you know I would never cheat on you. I love you more than life itself and I would be lost without you." He said.