to be or not to be

to get straight to the point, i no longer see myself writing for this community or being part of it any longer. for a time, i thought i just needed a break but it's officially been a year since i posted any writing, and i now know i have no desire to pick it back up especially for this fandom. my decision for this was based on all sorts of reasons but the two biggest ones were the current state of fandom and it's treatment towards fic writers along with the mistreatment, bullying and racism i had to put up with in the last two years in this fandom which has stolen every ounce of joy and love i had for tlou and the tlou community. my numerous attempts to return were to no avail and every time it felt like i was dragging my feet to participate in this fandom. i've known for quite some time that it was time to pack up and leave but at the time i had hope the community would change but that is not the case anymore. it's been hell attempting to stay here and engage & write for this fandom when it has proven vehemently that it is not a safe, positive space for someone like me. from the start, it felt like an uphill battle to be welcomed and not only am i tired of it but i no longer wish to associate or engage with certain folk and their appalling behavior in this space nor do i wish to write for those same miserable people who drove myself and all my friends away. it’s not a community i want to be part of anymore. i've got other things to do and have found other spaces that fill my cup and unfortunately this space along with fic writing aren't either of those things anymore.

i have managed to join another fandom off tumblr which has been lovely but in doing so it's become very clear that tumblr and the tumblr crowd was the common denominator in all the fandom bullshit. say what you want but in my experience being in fandom for 15 years, the tumblr community, no matter the fandom, has been more toxic than other platforms. this fandom though, takes the cake for one of the worst fandoms i’ve ever been in. along with that, all my friends have left tumblr this past year and the fandom i'm in currently is more alive on another platform so there's no reason for me to stay. in the time i've been away, i've pondered keeping this blog or deactivating, though i can't seem to come to a decision (shocker) but as of now i'll be leaving the light on until i decide what to do with it.

lastly, i've made the decision to private all my work on this blog. the conspicuous behavior of a select handful of writers in this fandom stealing or rewriting my work to pass off as their own in recent months is the reason for this decision. with that being said, for the time being, my fics will continue to live on ao3 because i've had many of you tell me that you enjoy revisiting my writing and honestly, i put too much heart and soul into them to erase them forever. i’m very proud of the work I've created so, they're over there if you ever wish to access them. however, if i do ever remove them from ao3, you do not have my permission to re-upload them here or anywhere else or share them amongst others through a file or link or what have you. if and when i decide to remove them permanently i expect you all to respect that.

thanks for sticking with me. i can't say that i'm sorry to leave you all because i've been much happier not being present here and i'm not going to apologize for that. sometimes you have to know when a good thing's over. it's time and i've made my peace with that.

maybe we'll meet again but for now ciao.