JOCELYN'S CLOSET

oh man, I love this so much. My little empath heart really marvels at actors sometimes, who can flawlessly portray these really dark, devastating, disturbed characters that are usually--hopefully--really far off from their baseline without actually starting to carry those horrible traits with them. I mean shit, I have a bad day at work and that stays with me for days and I can’t shake it. But to spend 14 hours a day fully enveloped in the psyche of someone so disturbed and to just be able to shake that off at the end of the day like it never even happened? Man that shit is a mental game I wish I had.

In an interview a little while ago, Bill mentioned that either right before he was done or immediately after he wrapped on IT, he had nightmares for a little while. And that really stuck with me, I don’t know why but it did (almost made up for his “I’ve had pets growing up but I don’t know I never got attached to any of them.” Bitch w h a t)

In any case, Bill being a little caught up in the head of the character he’s portraying and needing tiger to kind of help break him out of it is one of my favourite concepts. I run my mouth to hell and back about how much Bill supports her, how grounded he keeps her, how safe and loved he makes her feel--but she is every bit his anchor, too. She’s the only one who can get through to him when no one else can. She’s the only one who can pull him out if he’s in too deep. And she does--every single time, she does. She supports him. She comforts him if he’s just a little disturbed and a little down by it all. But she also fights him, she also lets him know when he’s going too far, when he’s sinking too deep, and she doesn’t back down no matter how angry he gets. Bill isn’t always good on being called on his bullshit, sometimes it makes him incredibly defensive, shuts him down, makes him isolate himself further or get into even worse habits. His past is never far from him and while it’s not a daily battle to escape it anymore, it always rears its ugly head and the fight gets harder when his head gets messed up.

Tiger doesn’t let him get away with it. She’s not scared of him, no matter how angry he gets.

And he loves her for it. He relies on her for it, depends on her. She is his salve, his anchor, his fucking reality check when he needs one.

I don’t know much about Clark Olofsson, but I like Papa Skars’ take on it that we should all be weary of romanticizing that level of evil--so clearly the dude had some shit going on. And it’s not everything that gets to Bill--over the years, his career has help him build a thick skin. Sometimes playing off the wall characters like Pennywise is the easier option, because those characters aren’t real. Nothing about them is real, everything is so exaggerated.

But playing a human being who is so tortured, who purposely inflicts so much pain on other people--that’s the kind of stuff that messes with his head. Whether or not the character is a real person that exists or not, playing someone deeply disturbed yet somehow relatable, somebody on the edges of sanity that we can all somehow still see ourselves in--that’s the kind of suff that fucks him up. That’s what gets him in too deep, until his own personality and his own demons come way too close to the surface.

Maybe he notices that he’s a little too down, a little too out of it, and he calls her. But I actually much prefer the concept that tiger notices. She notices on his phone calls, on his face times. She notices in the edge that his voice has taken on his uncharacteristic lack of patience. She notices that every time he calls her, he’s smoking--and Bill chain-smokes when something is wrong. She’s noticing a set in his jaw, a hardness in his eyes a nonchalance and coldness in his attitude that is just not gonna fly. So she books a ticket, and she heads out to him.

Maybe it’s a fight--maybe he resists, tells her she shouldn’t have, that he’s busy. Hell maybe he even gets a little mean and tells her that she’s just stressing him out more now--but tiger doesn’t budge. She doesn’t back down for a second. And it doesn’t take long before he kind of cracks--tiger, to her credit, also has a gentleness about her that will always get to Bill. it will knock down whatever fucked up wall that he didn’t even realize he put up--because just being in her presence balances him. It makes him realize how deep he actually got himself.

And I low key love what you mentioned here--Bill is always her caretaker, but when her Big Dude needs it? Tiger is the alpha. She’s the one who steps up and takes over. She gets him out of the hotel room where he’s been staying for two months, and into an apartment where he can feel a bit more at home. She stocks his fridge. She cooks for him. She drags him out to a restaurant, or even one of those seedy bars they’re both such fans of. She draws him a bubble bath, and manhandles him into it when he claims he’s too busy and then she plunks between his legs, makes him hold her. I kind of love that concept--that she makes him hold her. Because she knows her Big Dude, and he’s in there somewhere, and a little part of him, his protective side, will always flare up when she folds into his arms.

So that’s what she does, to bring him back. Every single chance she gets, she crowds his space, squeezes him, wraps his arms around her. Maybe she worries enough that she just sets up camp with him for the entire shoot--because hell she’s working remotely anyway, may as well be with him.

ohhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyy how wonderful. What a lovely image this painted in my little peanut brain.

I really love this concept that like, Bill is a real bastard sometimes. But he does a lot for her, so much for her, that whenever he gets in moods where he just needs to take a little, tiger is more than happy to give him everything and then some. She lets him have free reign.

And Bill is mean.

As much as he likes to give her what she wants, what she needs--sometimes, he needs to have the upper hand. Sometimes he needs to feel needed, he needs to feel in control, and he ABSOLUTELY does that through orgasm control and denial. Knowing she's going to bed, aching for him? Knowing she wants to be a good girl for him bad enough that she's going to sleep so pent up and needy? Knowing that she's probably in a bit of pain from needing it so bad, but being a good girl and holding out anyway? Oof, it's exactly what he needs.

So listen, he takes what he needs. He doesn't stop until he is spent--and poor tiger is still pent up, covered in his come, a shaking mess and she can't even speak. He strokes her hair for a bit while he tries to get his own heart to slow down, and when he's fairly certain he can stand without his legs giving out, he gathers her in his arms and brings her to the bathroom.

He dims the lights as much as he can, but she still winces at the light. She's far too sensitive for a bath, her skin always feels like it's on fire when she's hyper stimulated like that. Instead he spread out a towel sets her up on top of the washing machine. He grabs a rag and wets it with warm water, started running it gently over her face and her neck. She's still crying, and she will be for awhile just because it's a lot for her. He runs the cloth gently over her arms, across her chest. He gently pushes her knees further apart and presses the washcloth to her centre. She whimpers and flinches, but he shushes her softly. She's so pent up it hurts.

Once she's sufficiently clean he wraps her up in the shirt he was wearing, carries her to the kitchen for a snack. She sniffles and pushes his hand away when he offers her small bites, but a quick tap of her nose reminds her that she doesn't get to decide anything tonight. He crowds her space, huddles in close to her and just feeds her small bites of food, some sips of water. When her eyes start to close all by themselves he leans in and nuzzles her ear.

"Colour, kid?" he whispers.

"Green," she sniffles.

"Good girl."

It sends another shudder through her and he picks her up gently, carries her to bed. God, he's already giddy about the morning, being able to wake her up and have her coming for him, that long pent up release just exploding over and over again until she can't take it anymore.

He tucks her in and wraps the blankets around them, presses his thumb to her mouth which she takes greedily, and he waits until her breathing evens out and he knows she's asleep before he lets himself drift off.

And surely enough, the next morning, he wakes up first. His good girl still tucked in his arms, his thumb in her mouth as she suckles softly. He smiles, grumbles deep in his chest, and presses a soft kiss to her neck. He slides his hand down and cups her gently, and she starts to stir awake. He strokes through her folds--god she's soaked again--and she wakes fully to the sound of his deep groan in her ear.

But she tenses.

"No," she whimpers, and he stops immediately, "No no no...."

"No?" he asks.

"I...I can be good," she mumbles even as she trembles beneath his touch, "I'm good."

She sniffles pitifully, and it clicks. She still think she's not allowed to come. Bill's heart explodes, and he groans even deeper as he nips at her neck.

"Oh sweet girl," he says, and he drags his face to hers to kiss the hell out of her. She whines into it.

"You're so good for me," he tells, "So, so good for me. But now it's your turn, sweet girl. You can come. I want you to. Can you do that for me? Can you be my good girl and come for me?"

She sighs shakily, clutches onto him as his hand starts to drift down again. She nods, pressing her face into his chest.

"Use your words sweet girl," he reminds her.

"Yes," she moans, "Yes, god."

"Good girl," he praises. He touches her gently, oh so gently, but she still flinches--she's so sensitive for him, so pent up. She clenches as she gets used to the feeling, and then lets out a loud, deflating moan as his fingers gently stroke over her.

"That's a good girl," he praises, kissing her again. But then she shifts away from his hand.

"Billy," she whines, "You."

He knows what she wants. She wants to feel him, all of him--she wants to be filled up, after being so empty the whole night. He smiles, and hitches one of her legs gently over his waist.

"Good girl," he says, and then he eases into her slowly. She moans louder than he's ever heard and god he barely has time to bottom out before she's tensing around him, clutching at him as she digs her nails into his chest.

"Give it to me kid," he sighs in pleasure.

Once the first one is out of the way she can handle a bit of a rougher touch--which is good, because Bill's not sure how much he can hold back. She was so good for him and god, now he just wants to make her scream for him. He flips her onto her stomach, pushes her knees apart and balances on his hands over her. He shoves the corner of a pillow near her mouth.

"Bite down on something kid," he warns her, "Because I'm gonna make you sing for me."

Tiger is completely overstimulated in a whole other way now, and Bill can't get enough. It's not until she's a crying mess under him again, it's not until her body has barely anything left to give, but Bill is after one thing. And he can feel it coming after the last one, the way her whole body is quivering. he can feel it in how tight she got when he told her to cross her ankles for him, the way her whole body is shaking now. He braces one hand on the headboard for leverage, and slams into her.

"All over me kid," he demand, "Come on."

Tiger squirms, cries out in almost agony, her fists balled in the sheets.

"Messy," she whimpers, "I'm going to make a mess."

Bill just groans, and fists her hair in his hand to give it a pull.

"All. Over. Me." He punctuates every word with a hard thrust, and there's nothing tiger can do anymore. She lets out a loud, guttural cry and then Bill feels it--the warm, wet gush against his thighs. It triggers his own impending release and he explodes, his vision blurring and his jaw clenching tight enough to hurt his teeth. His leg cramps out, and he can't even stop the yell of pleasure and pain that rips through his throat.

Okay but baby what if this is kind of during one of the famous Skarsgard camping trips?

Because this has so many ~layers~ to it--no pun intended.

Bill is a seasoned woodsman, like any Swede worth his salt. In preparation for the annual Skarsgard camping trip, tiger marvels at the way Bill just like...morphs into a fucking Boy Scout. He has a fishing vest, like complete with tons of pockets and all are loaded with different lures and bait and all kinds of shit. He has a hunting knife (but tiger still argues that she can handle a knife better than him--and she's right), he has a fully equipped tent and sleeping bags with all the latest heat tech. Bill knows how to start a fire with two rocks, or even with wet sticks. The fucker has a compass and before their first camping trip, he gave tiger a whole lesson on which mushrooms were edible, which ones would get you high, which ones would get you dead. He plucks berries off of bushes and gives them a sniff test to determine if they're poisonous or not.

Bill has a third degree badge in bear safety.

And tiger just...like, tiger's a city girl and a country girl all rolled into one, but maybe there hasn't been a lot of opportunity in her life to go camping. Glamping? sure. Setting up in a chalet that has a fire and running water--she can do that. But spending days in the depths of wilderness where there is no bathroom because everywhere is your bathroom and it's so dark at night you can't see a foot in front of you, and even though the days are scorching hot the nights are really quite cool and tiger just didn't pack the way she should have. There wasn't a single sweater in her duffel bag and even if there was, her duffel bag was now strung up on a wire 100 feet in the air after Bill shrieked upon discovering a half eaten granola bar in it on the second day and went on a tangent about grizzly bears.

But anyway, maybe it happens the first night there because tiger is cozy around the campfire and even cozier thanks to the bottle of akvavit making the rounds. But the cold--the bone chilling, damp cold of a deep forest--that'll sneak up on you. And tiger doesn't even realize how cold she's getting, or the shiver that's setting in, because the campfire is dying off so slowly. But eventually it's completely gone, they all say their goodnights, and Bill walks her back to their tent. He zips it up, but he quirks a brow at an odd noise and turns slowly to her.

Tiger's teeth are literally chattering, smacking together, and a full tremor has taken over her body to the point where she can't even unzip the sleeping bag.

"Whoa kid, hey," he says concerned. He reaches for her and grabs her hands, and he gasps. "You're frozen!"

"Y-yeah," she stutters.

"Why didn't you say something?" he asks. But Bill is already in action mode. He shrugs out of his sweater, and tiger thinks he's going to give it to her but instead he throws it to the side and drops his pants.

"Clothes off," he juts his chin at her, "Now."

She looks at him like he's grown a second head.

"I'm f-freezing," she says, and her whole body gives another violent shake. She protests loudly when he grabs at her sweater.

"Shhh," he says sternly, then he motions to the other tents around.

"Body heat is the most effective, fastest way of warming up," he tells her in a hushed whisper, "Naked. Now."

And then before she can protest again, he just bends and yanks her pants down. She seizes just from the sheer cold, and he helps her out of her sweater.

"In," he motions to the sleeping bag. She climbs in and he follows, then he wraps himself around her.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he hisses through clenched teeth, "God you're a fucking icicle."

But like, he's very warm. So tiger huddles in more. And she wraps her freezing cold feet around the back of his thighs.

"Motherfucker," he cusses again, but she nuzzles her face into his chest.

But he's just so warm. And he smells so goddamn good. And tiger thaws out in no time, pressed in tight to his chest while his big hand rubs rhythmically up and down her back. And they both start to feel it, he buries his nose in her neck and sniffs her there, and tiger can feel him hardening against her thigh. She presses a little more into him and he groans lowly, rolls over so he's on top of her.

"Can you be quiet?" he asks against her mouth, and she cranes up to kiss his nose.

"Please Billy," she begs softly. And god, he's done for. Anytime she begs him like that, he'll give her whatever she goddamn wants. Every time.

"Not a sound sweet girl," he tells her.

Oh god, bullseyes babes.

Now, Tiger has of course mentioned this account to him but he was just like “I see you like every day, there couldn’t be anything on there that I haven’t seen before” so he kind of forgets about it, until he realised that the other friend is describing a very ✨spicy✨ and 💦suggestive💦 photo and immediately he downloads the app, makes a junk account and follows it to peruse when he’s far away, the time difference doesn’t allow for frequent interaction let alone virtual sexy time. and he just needs a little bit of her with him.

I love the idea that the other 10 people who follow her account are close friends that just comment shit like “🔥🔥🔥” or “GO GIRL GIVE US EVERYTHING” but Bill just quietly lurks, feeling very satisfied that he’s the only one who gets to experience her beyond the sensual photos that don’t really show anything off. Eventually she’d start posting photos specifically for him but not bring it up, and then one day he walks up to her, holds up his phone with the photo zoomed in and be like “good girls keep the good stuff reserved for me, tiger”.

Nani first of all I just want to thank you for taking the time to explain what a finsta is--you absolutely saved me a google search, because I had no idea.

I like this idea that like...maybe tiger is working out a little bit more these days, and is getting some nice muscles. Or hell maybe she's just taking a few photography courses in her spare time, and something about her own body and the way the light hits is really catching her eye and she's feelin' herself these days. She starts an anonymous instagram, one that is not at all connected to her actual account in anyway, and she starts posting some of her content.

Some of it is beautiful for its art--the soft curves of her body, the way her stretch marks look in a black and white photo (Bill calls them her tiger stripes). She never actually shows anything but the photographs are both artful and suggestive.

Bill is a little jealous but given how many people have legitimately seen his ass or all of his junk, he doesn't really have a leg to stand on in that argument.

The comments that she gets are wildly empowering. Some of them make Bill bristle a little bit, but tiger seems to really be enjoying it.

Listen, Bill being the one to collapse and call mercy? Oh baby, it’s my jam.

Because so often, he’s the one calling the shots right? He’s the one reducing tiger to an incomprehensible pile of absolute drool beneath him. He’s the one who can’t get enough, when she’s small and subby for him and he’s just on overdrive. He’s the one who usually has to say enough is enough, but only for her sake--because he knows she can’t take anymore, he knows that she’s done.

But like...we’ve all been there, haven’t we? Whether it’s cycles or just life or god knows what, we’ve all been through those glorious/terrifying periods of time where it’s Just. Not. Enough. We need more, we need it all the time, we need it hard and rough and then slow and soft and we just need all of it.

Tiger is already pretty full throttle in all things, so when it hits like this--oh god, after a little while I just get this mental image of Bill like, hiding somewhere. In a closet. Under the coffee table. He feigned needing water and then he got up, legs like jello, waddled out of the room--and then just hid. Because he can’t anymore.

I’ll bet it’s fun at first. Tiger is grabby and demanding and taking control and Bill is just in it for the ride. Enjoying her enthusiasm, her aggression, enjoying how much she’s getting out of it. And he manages to hold on long enough so that she comes first--a real feat, when she’s on top of him and all her soft bits are jiggling, his favourite, as she rides him ruthlessly--and then he finds his own release. But then tiger is ready to go again, almost immediately. She’s patient with him when he needs a few minutes of downtime before he’s ready to go--and he rises, so to speak, to the challenge again.

But then she’s just....she’s still not stopping.

It’s morning. It’s mid morning. It’s afternoon. It’s pre-dinner. It’s post-dinner. It’s evening. It’s the middle of the night. Tiger is supercharged on it, and she can’t get enough--and poor Bill is just so tired, so sore, and he’s not a teenager anymore. He needs time. But you’re right, he tries his best and he’d be a damn fool to deny her of anything she wants, so he uses everything while he tries to recuperate. His hands. His mouth. Tiger makes a wise crack at one point that she still has some of those little blue pills from Heartbreak Boy. Bill scoffs, but truth be told...he contemplates it. Because his biology is just not up to the task of satisfying his lady when she’s like this.

His back is jammed. His wrists ache. He has a tongue cramp, and his neck is killing him. So maybe at one point, he kind of mumbles that he needs water--all slack-jawed and nearly incoherent, and tiger tries to hide her disappointed look that he’s leaving the bed but she doesn’t do a great job at hiding it.

Hi lovely ~ First of all, thank you for supportin' my blog! & i hope you'll enjoy your ship! (sorry for my bad english 🙊.)

I ship you with: Outpost Michael.

• You meet in the Outpost 3!

• You end up there because Dina wants you by her side to produce her TV show if the nuclear winter will be over one day.

• The contrast between your porcelaine skin & green eyes drive him ✨crazy✨

• Always replacing a lock of your hair between your ears.

• Braiding each others hair tho 🤭

• He's a well educated man, so, arts conversations are keeping you both awake at night.

• Michael is like 😍🥰😲 in front of your knowledge.

• But you end up falling asleep on his laps.

• Him whispiring to you how much he desires to take you to travel wherever you want after you'll run the World.

• NO ONE.

• Not a single resident can suspect how sweet you are towards each other behind the closed doors 👀👀 (even with the tones of smirks he's giving you when your paths cross.)

• What's make him melt is when you take care of the kids in the Outpost 🥺.

Hey sweetie,

First of all thank you for choosing ‘Martina ShipsTM’!

Secondly... I do think that you’d be quite a match with Outpost! Michael, mostly because my brain literally went like ‘Michael would have fun having an interview with you’.

But seriously I do think that Michael, mostly in his oldest form would need somebod who has a strong opinion about themselves and is passionate about themes, mostly because he’d be truly interested into knowing your opinion, since he sees it is something that you personally know but also care very much about it.

I do think that is something that would also go with his own personal languag eof love since he’d need someone who isn’t half in or half out in things, instead he’d need somebody who is devoted to himself and passionate (he’d find it funny that you are fiesty with anybody except him).

But seriously I do think that he’d apprecciate your own language of love, although I don’t know how much quality time he would have because sadly... THE FREAKING APOCALYPSE, but he’d certainly try his best and apprecciate the devotion you show for him, which in turn he’d show right back.

He’d be very passionate about your appearance to the point that he’d be interested in your choices and suggestion and would absolutely dig the white hair (maybe even considering bleaching his, although... he’d back off once he realizes the bleach might ruin them).

Finally... I do think that he’d be very interested in all your various hobbies admiring you for the fact that you have various interests in different things and also because they all involve creativity and a certain amount of strength and fighting that he’d admire dearly.

He’d totally be in the back being like ‘KICK HIS ASS BABY’, holding your earrings if you wear them!

(I do hope I didn’t disappoint with this, since again... I am rusty with these things).

Hope you’ll like this!

Have a nice day!

-Heco Hansen.

---

I ship you with Xavier!!

The two of you met on set of one of Xavier’s first gigs! He had a very minor role which left plenty of time for him to hang around and talk with you. He thinks it’s cool that you’re into television writing and always begs you to write him an awesome role!

He’s OBSESSED with your accent! Always trying to get you to talk to hear it more and he likes for you to read aloud to him just to hear it a little more. Whenever you reading a book or mindlessly flipping through a fashion magazine, Xavier likes to drape your legs over his lap just being able to enjoy each other’s presence until he gets bored enough and pins you to the couch, starting to kiss down your neck wanting to heat things up a bit...

It was actually your impressive taste in fashion that got Xavier’s attention in the first place. He’ll admit he was a little intimated by you at first, but as the both of grew closer and more comfortable around each other, he realized just how sweet you were and often used that tactic to get under your skin a little. Teasing you on how detached you try to act from everyone else but as soon as you’re alone with Xavier, you can’t keep your hands to yourself and your mouth shut.

Thanks for the tag @wroteclassicaly!!

Thank you!! 💖💖 @fckinsupreme

Thank you for the tag: @fckinsupreme, @duncansshephard, @xavierplymptons

I think you’d go great with Fire and Reign Michael Langdon!

 -Because of your job at your production company, you are a member of the Cooperative. This is how you meet.

-At the meeting, you deliver some of your brutal honesty when you inform the members that a part of their plan to recreate the earth is not going to work.

-Most of the people there are scared for you, and of you…that you would dare challenge Michael.

-Michael is silent for a moment. He doesn’t know how to respond.

-He asks to see you after the meeting.

-When he notices you without your black outfit and mask, he is shaken.

-You look so intense with your blonde hair and green eyes.

-He notices how you even dress similar to him. He’s like, ‘Is this my twin flame?’

-You explain to him why you said his plan won’t work. He knows he has a lot of idiots working for him, but he can tell you aren’t one of them, so he decides to set aside his anger that you defied him, and chose to listen to you. (Plus, he’s intrigued.)

-The more time you spend together working on his plan, the closer you become.

-Black and red are Michael’s two favorite colors, as well. That’s obvious!

-You are the one who introduces Michael to the red eyeshadow that he goes on to wear at the Outpost. You tell him that red is a color of strength, vitality, passion, and blood, of course.

-Would you go on to become his right hand? 100%.

-Power couple of the millennium.

-When you two walk into the Outpost, people are scared and turned on. You both are so intense.

-Switch energy in your sexual relationship!

-Blood ritual sex? For sure.

Warnings: Wet Dreams, Smut, Cunnilingus, Oral Sex, Resolved Sexual Tension, Requited Feelings, Kissing, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Humping, Masturbation, Name-Calling, Voyeurism

Word Count: 1.6k

Prompt: Y/N is Mead’s daughter and develops a crush on Michael when he starts living with them. One day when Michael gets home early, he sees Y/N napping on the couch, surprised when he realizes that she’s having a wet dream. What’s even more shocking is when she moans his name….

It had been a long day to say the least.

Your mother had made you go to the butcher to get her goat’s head, after the one incident with Michael that seemed so long ago.

Everything went fine, but then she had made you go to get her fresh candles from the corner store.

And then a new hat.

Basically, the entire day consisted of you shopping for her.

You were absolutely exhausted, and dropped down onto the couch, sliding off your shoes, and curling up by one of the pillows.

As far as you knew, your mother and Michael were still in New Orleans on that witch business. You had no idea what that was about, but you knew it must be important because they weren’t supposed to get back until 2 days from now.

I am going to take a hiatus from this blog. I know that I haven’t been here long and haven’t gotten too deep, but I don’t think I’m in the headspace to commit to this blog in the way I originally envisioned. I realize that I have a lot of unfinished works and unfulfilled promises, but this is a very tough time for me personally and I have severe depression and anxiety that isn’t being treated regularly because of complications with COVID-19. 

I will post whatever I’ve got saved and prepared in my drafts, as a way of clearing my system, and if I have more time, energy, motivation, and a more consistent ambition in the future, I will return. I’d like to thank the people who have pledged over on patreon. Though there were only a few, it meant a lot to me. I’d also like to thank the wonderful individual who commissioned the work “Sacrilege”. That extra boost of both money and validation was more valuable than you know. 

Thank you to those who have interacted with me on this blog over the past few months. I’m sad that I didn’t do enough to become as integrated into the community and fandoms as I would have like, but it was fun nonetheless. 

Requests will remain open for the characters listed on my “menu” for if I get a burst of inspiration, but I’m not going to make any more promises because I can’t trust myself to get out of bed in the morning right now, let alone force myself to write. 

Much love,