You know that thing would eat you if you died, right? *pointing to the false image of you that others perceive*

from a young age i knew i wanted to give up when things got hard

Everybody in the club Yield to my will

I just had 3 crackers with chutney and sharp white cheddar . Then i had a ring of pineapple. I started to levitate, but i wasnt scared. Im not scared of anything

what if after job interview you catch a glimpse of the person’s notepad & see they wrote “things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl”

I'm going to start getting annoyed soon...

kitten I’ll be honest the finality of everything in this world haunts daddy like a second shadow

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

the plot chickens (becomes scared of its own premise)

you're just mad because you're hungry and tired and your legs hurt and you head hurts and you're too hot and you have depression

Give a man a leaf and he will eat it. Teach a man to leaf and he will go away

prophecy class cancelled due to foreseen circumstances

evil wizard voice: i too have a "doom scroll"

You dumb motherfucker life isn't about smelling flowers or feeling radiant sunshine on your skin or making meals with your loved ones. You idiot son of a bitch. It's about apps. It's about scrolling through apps.