J

i am sitting right now, sa pwesto kung saan, hindi lang puro pag-aaral ang ginawa ko, kundi pati reflections, decisions, pag-iyak, pang-iistalk (lol), and many more. the past two years of college were both memorable and tough for me. the first time i stepped my foot into that university, i felt home. i felt na doon talaga ako nabebelong. i am sitting in this corner where i spent sleepless nights studying gen chem, org chem, botany, zoology, biochem, anachem and even minor subjects. dito rin sa place na ‘to ako bumuo ng goals, and one of that goals is maging consistent dean’s lister until i graduate college. mababaw lang naman akong tao, hindi ako naghahangad mapasama sa Latin honors because I know, sobrang taas nun but I am praying na ibigay ni Lord yung magpapaproud sa parents ko. My first semester in college, was easy. Madali yung aral, simply because tutok talaga ako. As in sobrang gc ko, yung tipong nagaabang ng crush yung squad ko tapos ako nag-aaral na for next subject kahit walang quiz. dito sa place na ‘to din ako umiyak, because i got a grade of 2.0 in my gen chem, parang ang laking failure nun for me, kasi feeling ko ‘di na ako magDDL. Ang praning ko lang (lol). that time, halos ‘di na ‘ko matulog kakaaral and kulang nalang, halos irecord ko na discussion ng prof, though i know na natatake notes ko naman lahat. ganyan ako kaGC friends. and i did it, i aced the semester having a GWA of 1.371 kaya nagDL ako. That time, sabi ko sa sarili ko, “this is not yet enough, i have to be consistent, i have to improve this GWA”. 

so second semester, medyo mas mahirap because there were two lab subjects. may twice a week pa ‘kong 7 pm class. naalala ko pa yung time na 20/25 ako sa quiz sa botany, napraning nanaman ako. i was like “quiz lang sa cell ‘di ko pa naperfect, how pathetic” kaya ang ginawa ko, aral talaga, kahit lesson 3 palang kami, lesson 10 nagawan ko na ng reviewer and iniiscan ko na. even yung book namin sa org chem, hinighlightan ko na ‘di pa man dinidiscuss. so what happened, i aced the semester having a GWA of 1.317, but still not contented. i know that is bad because hindi na ako marunong makontento, but i want to make my parents proud of me, i want to make them happy.

Second year, first semester, I admit, this one is tougher compared to the past two semesters. Kasi nagsabay sabay ang zoology, com skills (oo major yan) at biochem. i mean, there was a time na i have to study 36 slides for zoology lec, 25 pages for zoo lab,10 set of ppts in biochem (pamatay) and my speech for com skills. yung tipong gising ako from 11 pm up to 5 am pero yung zoo lec at kakasimula ko pa lang sa zoo lab? that was the time na kahit nag-eexam umiiyak ako because of pagod, stress and everything. i took the exam in biochem only having stock knowledge. but, my hardwork was paid off because i got exempted with zoo lec and lab, but not com skills because i am not a good speaker naman. sa biochem naman our prof doesn’t give exemptions eh hehe. so, i aced the semester having 1.388 na GWA. Umiyak talaga ako niyan kahit DL ako, kasi yan yung mga panahong umiyak ako tapos ang baba compared to the past semesters? i asked myself, sabi ko, “paano pa ko makakakuha ng ganito eh next sem anachem and physics na” which they say, that second year second sem was the toughest sem you’ll take before proper.

and they were right. That sem was the most horrible, toughest and worst sem of my life. Na iisipin mo sana nananaginip ka nalang then paggising mo, tapos na. That was the time na iisipin mo 3.0 lang, okay na. That was also the time na nawalan ako ng pake mag-aral. I mean, I would set lots of alarms with different times and it would be my family members who would be bothered by that annoying sound. That sem, yun yung mga oras na nagcountdown ako. (literal na countdown), idagdad mo pa yung hanggang 7 pm class which is physics. believe me or not, i survived physics without studying anything. puros hula t’wing quiz. hindi sa hindi ako interesado, simply because tinatamad na ko. I lost my drive to continue what I’ve started. I am not happy. 

You know, I could have been a consistent dean’s lister but I lost my drive and motivation in doing everything. I just want that horrible semester to end. Gusto ko na magproper, that was the time I felt real depression. There was a time pa nga na pati Anachem lab class ko pati Rizal late ako or absent. Lalo naman sa Mandarin, ‘di na ko napasok minsan. Ganyan ako katamad noong sem na yan. People think na masipag si Jha, matalino si Jha. But no, once mawalan ako ng motivation, wala na. I know that I failed my parents, but wala eh. I hate that sem. Yun bang, kung maibabalik mo lang yung time, you’ll choose to *toot* HAHAHAHAHA. kaya the time na natapos yung sem, for others, they were sad, but for me, it was the happiest moment of my life. ang makalabas sa bangungot na yun. Minsan napapatanong ako, kung bakit binigay ni Lord na maging miserable ako. Even my family knows how much I hated that sem, and I always will. Thankful nalang talaga ako na natapos ‘tong sem na ‘to na wala akong bagsak. Yey! There are some good things parin pala afterall.

Kaya nung nag-enroll ako, I keep on praying that I would have a nice semester because according sa friends kong proper na at graduate na, the incoming semester is the most difficult to take. Yun bang, maeexperience mong umiyak talaga pumasa lang. But I know that like the other semesters, I know I can ace this one as well. Sipag, tiyaga at dasal lang.