i can't be doing this right

Foul beast ate that adventurer whole, RIP

Saw something magical today. Kid in front of us on our flight (prob 4-5 years old) playing a wordle type game and his two first guesses were MOMMY and DADDY

All of this could have been avoided. All of this could have been avoided. This son of seven generations of bastards has ten years of suffering and the blood of millions on his hands. This mendacious piece of shit should have it carved out of his flesh.

I love poetry. Like when Dick Cheney dies right as New York is about to elect a Muslim mayor.

I just had a physical exam today and I haven’t done the little knee hammer reflex test since I was like four years old so I was just like “yeah it’ll just make me flinch or whatever nbd” but when the doctor actually DID it my whole ass leg fucking launched into the air like I was David fucking Beckham. She didn’t even give me a second to recover either, I was gripping onto the exam table for dear life like “oh my god I’m so sorry” and WHAM she nails the other one. My entire body jolts as my foot flies three feet in the air and she twirls out of the trajectory of a five toe death kick to the groin like a capoeira master and just says “you have very brisk reflexes”. Like miss ma’am with the PHD didn’t just Ratitouille my whole shit. Like respectfully your honour you just played my skeleton like a piano, what the hell

Seems like this one struck a nerve

has anyone ever actually seen a shareholder or are we just supposed to believe they actually exist

I love this post so much I have done everything in my power to make sure I will never forget it via reblogging it every October 5th, in memory of discovering it for the first time

not to be a number nerd on main but 2025 (45^2) will be the only square year most of us ever experience. the last one was 1936 and the next one will be 2116

[Video ID: A woman supporting a small baby sitting on a counter. The woman begins to scrub grime off a stove top with a paper towel. The baby begins laughing with unrestrained delight. The woman attempts to keep cleaning, but the baby laughs every time she does. The woman begins to laugh too, and eventually both of them are laughing too hard to do anything else. /end ID]

My brother saved this document and everytime he gets angry at our neighbours for being loud he prints it to their wireless printer and you can hear the wife shout “Why the fuck would you print this AGAIN?!” to her son.

every time we serve chicken at work i think of this post

THIS IS GOLD

oh m god please watch the video it’s some of the most contagious laughter on the planet

When I saw this cross my dash tonight, I smiled and thought “yess, the chicken chicken chicken post, I get to reblog it again and inflict it on all of the people that have followed me since last time”, and then I scrolled down more and to my utter delight there was A VIDEO, needless to say my night has been made

I love that he was absolutely 100% prepared for a question in chickenese.

It’s been a while since we reblogged chicken content, so… chicken chicken.