Vampire Reference In a Minor Key

If you're at my funeral and you think it's a little boring, just spice it up. Drink a little too much. Flirt with a few people here and there. Start a fight. It's what I would've wanted

my best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in ur life and it can become a vice if you play your cards right

what doesn’t kill you makes your nervous system more sensitive for the rest of your life

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

pitch for my new tarot card “The Emoji”

really losing my patience for any 'feminist' statement to the tune of 'we need feminism because women fill a fundamentally different and necessary role than men and will be better at doing x y or z'. like actually i think we need feminism because it is an unbearable death of the spirit by inches to exist in a world where you are not seen as a fully realized human being because of a single cultural determination, and because a world that enshrines such things creates systems that are fundamentally sick to the core

fuckkkk my sacrificial lamb has started hanging out with the scapegoat

JKR could be like "I am reviving this pop culture classic saga, of which most original actors hate me and my appalling values, to direct every single penny of profit I make from it into killing every transgender person on earth." and still people would be like "well you know, you gotta separate the art from the artist"

As a kid, I was really upset that Bill Watterson wouldn't license Calvin & Hobbes so I could have plushies or so there would be a Saturday morning cartoon. Now, I realize his resistance is the reason we don't have a Calvin & Hobbes DreamWorks movie starring Chris Pratt.

Whenever they gave us one of those "read through ALL the instructions before you begin!" trick assignments in school where the steps lead you on an increasingly ridiculous goose chase until the final one tells you to just put your name on the paper and turn it in without doing anything else, I was always like, "Okay, but what's the point? Surely the REAL world won't be anything like this." And then I grew up and discovered that not only is the real world often exactly like that, some people won't even read the first line of the instructions even if they make perfect sense. And these people are called "co-workers"