Another Disco Party

I stood outside the barricades, photographing my Firecracker 50 co-ed duo teammate, Jackky, as he laughed between Laura and Rob. They were crammed in there, shoulder to shoulder, the biggest crowd of mountain bikers I’ve seen at the start of any race. Wave by wave, the racers pedaled off. I couldn’t bear the pressure of starting for the team and fighting for position up Boreas Pass onto the…

I held the mic in my hands and leaned toward it. “Hi. I’m Jessica from Littleton, Colorado. I’m feeling really hot and anxious. I’m here because I think I use biking to run away from my mental health issues—from any issue, really. I’m here because I’m forcing myself to slow down, sit with my feelings, and learn how to love myself. I give myself credit for signing up for this, knowing that I won’t…

I couldn’t have done this race without Jackky’s support. He did everything I didn’t have the energy to do and it helped tremendously. He’d hand me drinks and gels at the aid stations so I didn’t have to go through my bag. Jackky had my recovery shake ready when I crossed the finish line. He cleaned my bike and took it to the mechanics while I showered. Jackky made me meals while I soaked in the…

And just like that… I’m finally fucking done. 18 bottles of Flow Formulas. 453:30:40 hours of training. 1,339 Training Stress Score. 14,531 calories burned. 18 Flow Formulas gels. 18 home cooked meals. 35,734 feet of climbing. 6 Jackky massages. 6 epsom salt baths. 5 stage podiums. 1 bent handlebar. 1 broken spoke. 6 GC podiums. 6 bike washes. 3 new friends. 20+ bruises. 4…

I’m at a loss for words because I’m so angry with myself. Today fucking sucked on all levels. The altitude got to me. I’m incredibly tired. I tried pushing as much as I could, which resulted in eating shit again. I took a chunk out of my elbow and the fall knocked the wind out of me. I had to actually stay still and take a breather because it hurt so bad. Then I freaked myself out and lost all…

Today I had to channel my inner Tom Wambsgans (from Succession) and tell myself: “You will be okay, because you are a tough fucking bitch who will always survive because you do what you need. You will do whatever you need.” I slept like shit the night before because of all the coughing. You’re truly inhaling dirt the whole gd time during this race and my asthma wasn’t having it. I had the…

Mama always said, “karma’s a bitch.” I joked about first place getting a mechanical so I could catch up. Lo and behold, this bitch can’t get a break. I got nailed—and not the fun kind. I was setting a pretty good pace at the start, making sure I didn’t burn any matches. I was feeling pretty okay considering I woke up feeling like dogshit. We hit Little Frenchy and started descending. Then I…

Oh. My. Fucking. God. I’m as equally disappointed as I am proud of myself. Hold on a second — gotta hoist myself out of the bathtub because my quads and/or hamstrings will seize up at any moment. So, I was down from first by five minutes. I was hoping to catch and pass her somewhere along the course and cut into that time gap. I caught her at the aid station and pulled a Keegan (was it him?)…

Day one was a little soul-crushing.All my fears came true…and I guess it wasn’t that bad.I worried about how gnarly the start would be and yeah, it heated up real quick. Couple of dudes cut me off because of course, they would. And then others did later, hitting my front wheel. Always an asshole in the crowd.I worried about the downhills and having someone on my ass, which always makes me nervous…

“What’s underlying all of this is fear.“ I took a minute. Let what my therapist said to settle in. “Shit. You’re right,” I said. I had just finished recounting the Sarlacc attack race to Amanda, not quite grasping why I was so upset about the whole thing. I mean, I was pissed at my body, and ultimately, my performance, but I wasn’t catching onto what was behind all of that.  Okay, let me back…

Somehow I let Marc convince me to register for the Cactus Cup 3-day stage race in Fountain Hills, Arizona. I can’t remember the last time I did a stage race, definitely not a 3-day mountain bike stage. I’ve done plenty of back-to-back road racing days, but this was different. The Cactus Cup meant driving for 13 hours to get to our destination, racing for three days, then driving 13 hours back.…

When I first read this line, “hell is life drying up,“ it sounded odd, like I had to re-read it again to understand what it was saying. And I took it to mean that when you let your life dry up, you’re in hell. I’ve also read the line, “hell is other people,” which could relate to this too, but let’s stay on topic.  I wondered, What does life look like all dried up? What is a dried up life? Well,…

Biking the White Rim Trail in a Day

The White Rim Trail continued to elude me up to the morning of our big, one-day jaunt through the Canyonlands National Park. I set my alarm for 4:00 AM the morning of (what we were calling) “Rim Job 2022” and was both nervous and excited for the long day ahead. The hundreds of millions of stars and the Milky Way lit up the sky at the Island in the Sky Visitor Center where we all gathered to…

Rampart Range Road Adventure: A Photo Essay

I always get stuck between wanting to live in the moment and taking pictures and videos so I can remember what happened and then post it on social. I don’t do as much social media posting as I used to and that’s because social media is kind of lame. Lame in the sense that it’s always “keeping up with the joneses” and not what it used to be like, “here’s a sandwich I ate today.” Anyway, I decided…

Race Anecdotes: Winter Park Tipperary Classic

Let’s start at the end and work our way backward. It’s easier that way. Or, at least I think it will be. I crossed the finish line solo. Chris was on a hill taking pictures. Marc was cheering for me. Jackky was on the sidelines clapping. I was relieved to be done with 24 miles and 3000 feet of climbing but I was also despondent. And I don’t know why. My best guess is that I wasn’t just…

How to ruin your day in 15 steps

One. Preview the race a day before and freak out about the sections that are dusty; that will force you out of your comfort zone, and will inevitably be your downfall. Only practice these sections twice before calling it a day. Go home and replay those sections all night: the loose dirt on the descent; the turns that force you to disconnect from your bike, especially the corner that’s tight and…

Race Anecdotes: Winter Park Race Rendezvous

The Morning Of I woke up from an okay night’s sleep. I’ve reached the age where I have to have a special pillow, a special body pillow I grip between my legs, a temperature in my room (62º F, please), and a bed that hugs me as I fall asleep. Without all that, I usually sleep like shit. I was okay about it because I wasn’t in some dingy hotel, but instead, in Bill’s condo in Winter Park. Less…