Jess &

I went on 3 auditions recently with a 33% success rate. It really bites. 

1 for a scripted show at Second City. A friend got cast in it, and said it was a mostly diverse cast - so maybe that’s why. Whatever, I thought the audition went pretty well.

1 for Second Place Champions (SPC) which is a short form group that does barprov. I made it. I’m honestly not in love with it yet, but at least I’ll meet some new people and has something semi-regular to preform in.

1 for Under the Gun ensemble. I wanted this the most and therefore it was hard to hear the no. I thought the audition went pretty well too. It was quick 15 minutes tops. 3x 2 minute scenes and then you’re out. It was quick. I pulled out characters and voices and thought the scenes were solid for the most part. 

In other news, I’m loving CIF. Jonathan keeps saying I’m doing a good job so that’s exciting! I am not however loving the conservatory classes. That beings aid, I’m glad that I’m in it - as a resume builder and opener to more audition opportunities. 

I accepted a position as an assistant producer of the 19th annual chicago improv festival and couldn’t be more excited. 

When I found out that my conservatory 2 teacher, John Hildreth, was going to be the artistic director this year, I reached out to him telling him that I had fun being a venue manager last year and have been a producer of the Detroit Improv Festival for 5ish years. 

I received an email from Jonathan Pitts not long after asking me if I’d like the position. YEAH OF COURSE. XOXO

Last night, I met with Jonathan and had a formal interview for the position. I think I will pretty much be a swing person, taking care of some admin things after hours like organizing and mailing all wrist bands to performers. 

This comes on the heels of some not fun news regarding the Harold auditions at iO. I didn’t get a team. I’m a little surprised because I think my style of play would easily fit a description of a good Harold team ensemble member. But I am a little relieved because I don’t think I necessarily got along with the majority of the people in my classes. I mean I liked them all fine but there wasn’t ever a friendship love spark. I never became besties with anyone. I often felt excluded from the inner circle, some of which made the cast of the new team. 

Since finishing up iO’s training program, I’ve been told that we wouldn’t find out results of whether we are placed on teams until after the new year.

Then the Second City Training Program Level 3 auditions - And I found out the same thing.. ONLY... 

I always have said that I want to be the improviser that other improvisers want to play with. I remember hearing that want from Matt Naas in Detroit, and thinking “YES, me too! I want to not only be the one who can make anything work - but I want people to want to play with me.”

At CSz Detroit, Sean would always say he wanted to be the second best improviser, to make everyone else look good. I liked that too. I wanted the ensemble to shine. 

At the Annoyance, I learned to take care of myself, because my scene partners were taking care of themselves. 

At iO, I learned that real, grounded emotional scenes are fundamental as good improve basics. 

At Second City, I learned that the ensemble is greater than the individuals.

Tonight, I learned that Courtney from my iO class went to most of the girls in the class and asked about starting an all-girls troupe. When a friend asked about inviting me, Courtney said she didn’t like playing with me. 

I’m torn on my reaction. 

On one hand, I’m proud that I now have a style of play and that some people don’t feel up to the challenge/pleasure. If they aren’t having fun with me, they are the asshole.. in Susan Messing’s words. 

On the other hand, I want to be valued as an ensemble member. I want people to want to do scenes with me and I want them and me to look good doing them. 

Courtney and I haven’t known each other long. We both took 5B together and did our shows. We didn’t have many memorable scenes - except for our last show. The final scene. I “Jack Benny’ed” my blow line to get a bigger reaction from the crowd and they pulled lights. Is that why she dislikes playing with me? I don’t usually break. 

I don’t think this will bug me as I’m most definitely sure I’ll forget about this moment, but I can’t help thinking - am I who I set out to be? Has my goal changed? Should I work on being that person again - or has learning in Chicago for the last year and a half, changed that goal to push the ensemble to be the best it can?

Yesterday was the Second City Training Center level 3 audition. That right. You audition before they will accept you into level 1 and then again after level 2 to see if you can continue with levels 3-5 and write a revue in level 6. 

The 4 sections audition each by class, their level 2 class, and have 1 more section of second-chancers who weren’t successful in a previous attempt. We’re all competing for only 3 sections. 2/5 of the auditionees will be without a space. And although I did Wednesday night for level 1 and Saturdays for level 2, I went out with Saturdays class. 

We decided to meet up around 3 and warm up. After about 3 games that were all lead/taught/instructed by one of the girls in the class, I decided I needed more me time. So I left and went to the lobby. There I saw my old level 1, and various other improvisers in the second chance group. 

They opened the audition and called in Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Saturdays classes and had them audition in that order. Maybe it was because John Hildreth made us run the audition so many time, or maybe because we saw 2 other classes worth of scenes - we were ready. I have never seen this class preform the way it did. They actually seemed like they enjoyed it which isn’t always the case from the class. 

I don’t want to sound too jaded since we haven’t and won’t hear results until after the New Year - but I think I hit the mark on the head.

I joined the first called girl out there and initiated with a political reference (something that wasn’t already done though 60some people had scenes). We talked about not our relationship - not an object, the past/present, etc. - and we explored the world. I found out that I was afraid for my daughter because I loved her and I couldn’t prepare her for the world like a mother should, which lead me to drinking. It was honest, funny, got to the meat right away and a hella way to start the audition. 

My second scene I decided to bring it down. To keep it more real. To play closer to myself. Then it turned dark. My scene partner told me she murdered my cat. So I took it internal that I had nothing left to live for because my cat - a symbol of my childhood and who made me who i was - was gone. I put a knife to my wrist and Norm called scene. 

Norm Holly. He runs the training program. He’s kind, from Detroit, extraordinary talented and taught on the opposite classes that I told. On the way out of the room I said happy holidays and he said “Merry Christmas, Jessie” - that’s what I got back from him. An affirmation that he knows my name. 

Merry Christmas to me. 

Work asked if I would teach some improvisational techniques so that client success can “loosen up and be better with storytelling”.. That’s why I do it - to stay loose. 

At least I’m not alone here, but more on that in a minute...

Two years ago today, was the first show at ComedySportz Detroit. The doors opened and I was oddly calm inside. I remember standing backstage with my team during the ref’s intro thinking ‘well what do I have to lose? I didn’t hire me.’ My parents were in the second row along with my best friend, Stevie and at the time her finance Ryan. Ryan and Stevie tied the knot yesterday. 

Fast forward 10 months and I decided to move to Chicago. 

Fast forward 4 months from that to Sunday when I went out (for the third time) to a ComedySportz Chicago audition. I had a decent audition. Solid. Not over the top amazing, not underwhelming. I was solid. Which has how I’ve felt in a lot of my performances lately. I want that over the moon feeling again. That this was an 11, but lately I’ve been in the 7-8 range. This audition was a 8. I went out but not too many times. I was sharp and listened well. I gave context to the scenes and added specificity and relationship. I object worked a pie. I cut my arm backstage when I was “maze running”. I gave it a lot. 

Call back notices were sent out today. I did not receive one. 

I think back to my first CSz audition with Detroit. Open call where I was with a bunch of actors, not improvisers. They spat information on the scenes. I reacted. I didn’t need to do anything more then return the serve. 

At callbacks, I had an 11. I chased an object work chicken and had fun watching the rest of the scenes. I didn’t care what happened because at that point in my life, I wanted more then anything to prove that it was not a big deal. I didn’t take myself so seriously. I had a job that I liked and good standing relationships. 

because I started it and put it down at chapter 2 because life got in the way, and other books were ordered and read and this one was at the bottom of the stack. Or maybe I felt like I should have already finished it and I couldn’t read it anymore because I wasn’t done with it. Regardless, I’m picking it back up tonight because it’s an autobiographical story of one of the admired greats. One that didn’t let gender get in her way. One who started her own theatre, took on the haters, family-ed, grew, achieved.

Amy Poehler started her Chicago life at 22. She found improv and had a love affair with it right off the bat. She knew what she wanted. At 30 she was hired by SNL. 

I know I shouldn’t compare myself but in times like this I think about the what ifs. What if I would have figured out what I wanted way before I was 29? I started improv classes late in 2010. So I was 25 and waiting tables and wanting a job back in advertising. Over the next 4 years I would fall in love with improv, take everything and anything that was available in Detroit, travel elsewhere to feel satisfied, grow, live, love, hate, realize, suspect, judge, spite. Yes those are some negative words but most of that was internalized. Not sure if that makes it better, but what can you do after countless failed auditions but turn it inside. 

Today ComedySportz Chicago auditions were posted. I shared the news with two groups. For the first time I want all my friends to get it. I was lucky enough to learn about CSz Worldwide through Detroit and I want the rest of them to get that same feeling of love and support and community. 

That being said, I really want it too. I want don the next jersey and validate Detroit’s decision for hiring me. I want to preform weekly and do this thing. I want this to be a stepping stone and a launching pad and something I can always have. 

I want my 5Bs to be amazing. I want iO to put me on a Harold team and coach me to preform to the best of my ability within a structured form.

One day, maybe in like a year from now, I want Second City to hire me. I want to prove my worth on their stage. I want to write and preform and live out the dream that so many of us hopeless lovers want. 

Then in 3 years, Loren Michaels, can put me on tv. 

I’ve been neglected as a board member since the president stepped down at least 6 months ago. Although when Moody was in charge, he was fine with me living in Chicago, since his resignation, the new board was shyly not. They didn’t call/text/respond to emails/google hangout/skype me or wanted to unless I initiated it and they just happen to be there. 

There is a member on the board who I’m pretty sure doesn't know what improv is.

Although I resigned 4 hours ago the only people to acknowledge it was Jack Jack and my ex-boyfriend. Thankfully I posted it in the Facebook group too, so I can see that two other board members actually saw it. An email response must be too much for them at this point. 

There is something magical about twin cities. Maybe it was getting to really meet Jill Bernard and falling in love with her more as a person, and not just a performer and teacher. Maybe it is the amazing shows that come out of that where two nights later you are approached by two 13-year-old fan girls. Maybe it’s just knowing that everything is alright because as long as you are surrounded by that kind of love and support, nothing can go wrong. It’s like a warm blanket in a crowd. It’s like Mum rubbing your back when you feel sick and sad. It’s like a smile and a compliment from a stranger.

Minneapolis is one of those places that isn’t passively nice, or has the back handed compliment, although that is what they want to claim as “theirs”. It’s actually a place where good people live, and work, and do amazing things. It’s a dream town where people walk down the street and see shows and are OK with randos walking down the street with lanyards on. It’s totally fine.

That hard, clunky, annoyance when you pump a lotion into your hand. It’s sticky and doesn’t want to rub in with the other so you end up picking and flicking it away. That moment is now.

I got into the Conservatory program at Second City. I auditioned and made it enough for them to allow me to pay for classes. 

Between the auditions and the notices the iO schedule came out. This is my last one. 5b. It includes a run of show for auditions too. Only 3 class sections were offered- Friday, Saturday or Sunday, all from 3-6.

Well I get the email confirming my audition into Second City and am assigned a class Sunday 3-6. 

That’s the only class section that would work at iO. I’ve already reached out to Cesar about pre-enrolling for it. 

Second City offers 2 other sections that I could take no problem. It would be easy to switch right? wrong. Not easy at all. I’ve been bugging the admin lady and the program director every other day for the last week - with “solutions”. I am really hoping I wear them down and they are just like - come to Tuesdays class. Just do it.

I could wait and not finish the iO program, but I kinda want to finish up with the group I started with. 

I got into the Second City Conservatory program. I auditioned on Friday and was notified today, 6 grueling days later. They offered me a spot in Sunday class.. but here’s the crazy thing: for the next and last session of iO classes I was going to try to get into Sunday class. UGH. Why is it this way?! 

On advice from a friend, I’m going to call and see if I can somehow by an act of God, get switched into Tuesday’s Conservatory class. Come on planets, align and let this happen. Begging email sent!

Things on the Baby Teeth front are switching up too - Kaitlyn is leaving us so we’ll be down to 7. Chris, Kelsey, Eric, Tom, Kayla, Natalya and Me. We still have the wonderful Chris Kervick as a coach. And I’m excited to continue to play regularly with them.. Now to book some more shows after DIF!

Speaking of DIF, this will be my last year. The Detroit Improv Collective is not really collective. It’s turned way more into Go Comedy’s Improv Festival planning committee, which is fine - but lets call it what it is. It’s been a fun 5 years where I’ve had many a hats on my head. But not being physically there, and the aversion to technology makes its very difficult to be kept up to date on decisions. Also the  lack of shared responsibility it ridiculous. I get it why Moody was so “just done” with it. He never really had it. I see that now. I wish the festival best of luck in the future. Maybe I’ll return some day, I hope it grows and does become a collective effort to bring wonderfully talented and kind performers to the Detroit scene.

As for me, I shall continue with the schooling, grasp at any and all stage opportunities and play with the goal of having fun with my friends, old and new.

A couple days ago it was SayDay. Something that TJ and Charna (i love that I just use their first names like we’re buds) started after Jason Chin passed away. Say (7/29 on the phone dial pad) Day is supposed to be a time when you say the things you want to say to the people you love, because you don’t know when anyone’s day is their last. In the case of Jason Chin, he was found in his apartment after missing for a couple days. It was all really sudden and shocked the community. I never knew Jason but the outcome and support that has rippled through Chicago makes me believe that he was a living hero.

I didn’t participate in SayDay. I’m not exactly sure why. I read a lot of posts and felt that if I were to try, it would be pale in comparison. I suppose here is where I would have been:

When I saw live improv for the first time, I thought to myself that looks easy and fun and it’s definitely something I wanted to be a part of. Thank you Go Comedy for showing me a window and providing the path down the rabbit hole. Thank you to Suzie Jacokes (my first improv teacher) for encouraging me to take the second level after I felt like it just wasn’t clicking after 8 weeks. How silly of me to expect everything to be wonderful then. Thanks to Nancy Hayden who I had a serious talk about how me being a female in improv is special and to just try, because there is something special in me too. Thank you to Matt Naas for your genuine laugh and kind corrections. It was your class (level 3) that I think I actually became hooked. Thank you to PJ Jacokes who asked the “why are you taking this class” question. It was the one that I still think about today. I’m not sure I have a end point or a goal but I have defined an objective that I will try to honor through my life. 

Bob Wieck. You opened my eyes to idols you adore in Chicagoland. You lent me your copy of Guru by Jeff Griggs. You supported me on the bad improv days and when I knew you there seemed to be a lot of them.

Thank you to Chris Moody for introducing me to ImprovUtopia, opening a world to me outside of Detroit I might not have known. To Nick Armstrong especially. You let me see iO West and treated me like a VIP when I came into LA early. Your kind heart bleeds passions where ever it goes. You and Bill Binder for National Improv Network. 

Rachel and Rich Goteri for opening ComedySportz Detroit. 

Michael Carnow for offering me a job in Chicago. 

Mom & Ed for telling me to do what will make me happy. 

 When I don’t know something I usually just follow my intuition. I guess. 

One of my favorite college lessons was to believe in something. Be wrong but at least believe. Protest. Challenge others. I hold that idea high inside, because I also protest and challenge myself. 

Relating to improv/acting. Make strong, clear and bold moves. Guess a backstory and stick to it. Don’t get hung up on it, but I’ve found that playing characters more multidimensional can help push the scene. 

A bumblebee can’t fly. Against the laws of physics. It’s body is too big and it’s wings are just too small, it should be allowed to support itself in the air. But it does. Because it doesn’t know any better.

The only one holding me back is me. So me, get out of my way. Me is coming. 

I’ve been asked a lot lately what the end goal is. And I’ve finally put some time to it and was honest with myself and figured out that it is to have fun, making good things with my friends. That’s all I want in the end. I don’t want to be rich or famous. I would love to be me, with my friends, making silly things come to life in real, tangible outcomes. 

Showing the world who you really are is the bravest thing you can do. I want to be brave. Whether is shows or video shorts, brick-and-mortar theaters or Oscar-nominated movies, I think I will feel accomplished when the output is good and I had fun making it. 

BY: JILL BERNARD

June 4, 2015 at 4:55pm

Thinking of a “right” and “wrong” way to do improv is a mentally limiting construct.  We are making adjustments and trying out tools, not because what we do naturally is “wrong” but because we are curious about what else is out there.

You are not trying to mold these people in your image. They should come out the end of this process the best improvisor they can be, not little you-clones or acolytes.

Anyone can become a great improvisor given time and will. Each student has a collection of habits and fears around them that we will spend time peeling off. See if you can glimpse the improvisor they will be inside the cocoon of habits and fears.

“Tear them down to build them back up” is a theater school technique favored by bullies on power trips and is not of utility here.

Sometimes progress is not A to Z. Sometimes it is A to B. Sometimes it is A to A-½. Additionally, not all students start at the same starting line. Sometimes things have happened in their lives that may make them more beginner than other beginners, with more to chip away.

You’ve got to catch it in the air - both the good things and the problematic things that your students do. There is no point in talking about it after the moment is done except to give a broad overview. Let’s catch things in the moment they happen and give second chances whenever possible.