Dirty JerZ

Another shitty day missing my baby. The physical hurt is pretty prevalent today. Really have zero motivation to even move. I wanted to try to enjoy the day, but I just couldn't; my heart is aching. Missing someone so much it literally hurts is the worst feeling I can imagine. I would welcome another broken back, or torn rotator cuff, or concussions over this. I guess that's what true love means, being able to endure extreme emotional, mental and physical pain over your soul mate. I truly love you, thick and thin, sickness and health, I love you bubba...

Finally got to get out and chill with one of my best friends for a little bit tonight. We had planned to go out and chill at Space for a bit, but unfortunately his significant other didn't approve so we had to cut the night short. Feel like I'm to blame for the fight they had as a consequence of me even being there, which seemed to happen regularly while I was staying there for a couple weeks. Sucks not being able to hang out with my best friend, or anyone for that matter. Makes me miss my other half even more than I already do, especially when I see people who get to see each other and talk to each other every day that don't appreciate how special that is. So once again, I'm spending my night in the house alone, watching the same shows on repeat on Netflix. I'm hoping this isn't a sign from God that this is the way it is supposed to be, but I trust in God I am doing what I am supposed to be doing tonight. Maybe I'm supposed to do nothing than miss my Bub, and hurt for a while? I don't know, but God knows and I'm doing what He has planned for me. I'm going to take this time to myself and pray and continue to ask for His guidance and direction. I'm here, I'm listening, and my path is Your path.

Have to get out of the house, literally going insane. Haven't been outside for more than a few minutes in 4 days...