man alone measures time

*male writer voice* i don’t remember her name. it’s not important. i met her at a record store and she went home with me because i offered to buy her cigarettes. she had amazing perky breasts. we drank cheap whiskey and had sex three times that night and then she told me she wanted to be a dragonfly because they were free. i slept with her many times after that. but one day she stopped returning my calls and i don’t know why. that was seven years ago. on monday she got hit by a bus and died. i saw it in the newspaper so i went to her funeral and it made me sad. i don’t know why. i hate my mother even though she pays my rent while i write poetry about masturbating in the shower

they are ready to be picked

ripe

phil collins didn’t have to go so hard on the tarzan soundtrack but he did that…… he did that for all of us

Hahahahha

unclench your teeth

I need this texted to me every 15 minutes

the scene from spongebob where the guy says “I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs and every afternoon, I break my arms.” was the pinnacle of television literally how did the writers of spongebob come up with that did they win a peabody award

gillian anderson has made like three different generations of women gay ?? honestly imagine having that kind of power?? when is it going to end??? is anyone immune??? the answer is no.