The weight of family

         Unlike the majority of her team and the Vixens, Sydney isn’t drinking tonight. Wymack said to have fun and enjoy the evening, but that doesn’t mean that she has to listen. The party is chaotic enough that she’s still enjoying it, even if she’s not drinking. The Foxes might have won something tonight—it wasn’t the game. She’s focusing too much on the loss and not enough on the fact that they’re moving on. With how everyone else is acting, it’s almost like they’ve forgotten as well. Next time, they won’t have a choice. They’re going to have to win the next time they face the Blue Demons. It’s almost like most of the team’s forgotten that. Sydney knows that she should look on the positive side of things—and she is—she doesn’t want to forget the fact that they’ve still got more games to play.

         Still she’s not exactly going to pout tonight when they’re in Chicago and they’ve got a whole city to explore. At least some of her teammates seem to be having fun. Everyone’s dancing and having fun—and she’s trying to as well. Sydney’s been dancing with whoever else is around her. Not drinking is making her feel separate from everyone else though. There are a few Foxes that aren’t participating in the fun and she knows Sasha’s also somewhere else.

         “Soaking up alcohol would require actually drinking alcohol,” she points out, eyebrow raised at Jen as they come up to her, pizza slice in hand. Jen looks like a mess, though it looks like they’re clearly having fun tonight. Regardless, Sydney takes the slice of pizza. She’s not going to say no to food. “You look like you’re having a lot of fun.” Syd smiles. “Maybe you should slow down though.” It’s not as if she’s concerned for them; everyone else is just as drunk and she doesn’t have it in her to truly be concerned. It’s just what someone in this situation should say. “Or at least I hope you packed some painkillers for the flight back.”

“Then just enjoy the pizza just because,” Jen suggests happily in response with a careless shrug, grinning when she takes the slice from them. Sydney is just looking out for them, and maybe they should pace themself more, but they survived a summer in Vegas with Leo, this feels like a small party compared to that. Not that they’re aiming for Vegas levels during every post-game party, that would be exhausting. They’d probably miss those early morning flights.

“That’s what the pizza is for,” They raise their slice victoriously before taking a bite, “I’m okay though. We get to sleep in tomorrow.” Distantly, they know that doesn’t actually mean anything other than they have a little longer to try and cure the hangover, but it’s likely that they’ll still feel pretty rough on the plane. There’ll be plenty of time to nap though, and they’re still hoping to try and leave the hotel at some point. 

“Are you having fun?” Jen asks her, brows furrowed a little in concern. Despite the mood of the party, they don’t expect everyone to feel celebratory. They’re moving forward, but they still lost. 

They’ve talked about Exy before, but this is still new—Grayson’s never heard Jen seriously mention wanting to go back. They met as teammates, started their friendship when they shared the court, but Jen’s seemed so much more settled in their skin this year. Happier. He’d assumed that was related to their decision to join the Vixens.

Of course, if they choose to pick up a racquet again, Grayson would support them completely. For a while, he’d wondered if maybe their choice was the best one overall; if Grayson should leave Exy behind too, while he was at it. But he doesn’t feel that  way now. Exy has always seemed like something he shouldn’t want, shouldn’t let himself enjoy too much, especially when he was in the habit of saving every ugly feeling until he could take it out on an opponent. He’s rebuilding himself on the court though, changing the way he plays, and it is helping. Hell, maybe all that time on the bench helped too—gave him a break, so he could appreciate what it was like to actually play. Maybe that’s the case for Jen too, in a much bigger way.

“It doesn’t sound ridiculous,” Grayson reassures them. He doesn’t look over at their siblings yet, but he’s sure Jane and Jackson agree. “And if you do decide you want to be a Fox again, I’m sure Wymack would write out another contract immediately,” he says. Their comment about school doesn’t go unnoticed either, yet another thing they haven’t spoken about. Another thing Grayson hasn’t noticed.

God, is he that bad at this boyfriend thing? He knows the podcast has taken up most of his thoughts lately—and, after his conversation with Jen in Vegas, the anxieties and uncertainties about his own history, his own memories. It’s exhausting, even when they aren’t actively talking about it, and clearly that’s made him self-centered on top of it all. It’s not something he wants to bring up now, in front of their family who he’s only just won over, but Grayson privately resolves to do better. “You and I can always start practicing together regularly. You’d kick my ass into gear and you can see if you still enjoy playing when you have to do it all the time.”

Jen visibly sags in relief when Grayson is immediately supportive. They don’t know what they expected, maybe some anger that they kept it from him or that they just can’t seem to make up their mind. Now that some of that fear is gone, they can’t help but picture themself back on the court with him, living in the same building again, and while he shouldn’t be their deciding factor, it definitely helps sway them. “Thanks,” They murmur and give his hand a squeeze before hesitantly looking to the twins for their reaction, a little startled when they see nearly identical grins looking back at them. Jen usually lets themself get roped into to the whole “practically triplets” thing until moments like this that remind them they weren’t actual born with Jackson and Jane. 

“That’s great!” They say in unison, only reinforcing the twin thing. “You were always so good, it seemed like a waste to give up,” Jane explains with a shrug. “I mean, we get why you did it. You had to find something outside of dad, but I think we’re just glad you found out you still just genuinely like Exy. It’ll be fun to play against you again.” Jackson nods eagerly, offering a simple, “Hell yeah,” in response.

Jen’s chest fills with warmth and they can’t stop the dimply grin from forming. They’re so lucky to have this--a brother, sister, and boyfriend to have their back even when they’re all over the place. “Ya’ll are amazing,” They say shakily, feeling overwhelmed, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” It’s meant for all of them, but they turn their attention to Grayson, because they really should’ve said something after he opened up about the podcast. Relationships are a two-way street. “I’ve been in denial, I guess. I made such a big deal about leaving, that I felt so dumb for wanting to go back, but I miss y’all. I miss playing,” They admit.

“You’d be willing to do extra practice?” Jen asks him in surprise. If that isn’t love, Jen doesn’t know what is. “That’d be great.” 

Three years at Palmetto seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. Time was funny like that: those miserable years, the ones where she was alone, the ones where she had nothing, the ones where she was locked up, seemed to go on forever; then she got what she wanted, and worried about being able to keep it, worried about running out of time, and it seemed to slip through her fingers like sand. 

Once it had seemed like this year would go on forever. An endless series of humiliations, every time she saw her old friends on campus and knew that they were whispering about her behind their hands, every time she had to paste on a smile and cheer for a team she didn’t want anything to do with. 

But now it’s already March, more than halfway through the year. Her last year. She wonders how many more of these quiet afternoons she’ll have. How many of them with Jen, who’s never been bad company. She wonders what next year will hold. 

“I haven’t been before,” she says. “Not that we usually get to see much of the city, anyway. One Exy court pretty much looks like another. Maybe we’ll have to get some pizza, though. Go see the Bean?” The kettle switches off, and she busies herself with pouring water into the two mugs, pushing Jen’s in their direction when she’s done. “I don’t know what else there is to do in Chicago. You’ll have to tell me.”

Jen has been to a lot of places for being from a small town in Georgia, but they never get to see as much as they’d like. As Raleigh said, it’s usually just their home team’s Exy court and then whatever hotel they’re staying at. Sometimes, they have time to go to a restaurant, but not to explore. They’ve always wanted to travel for real, stay in a hostel and wander all around the city, but family vacations in the Brookhart household were rare. Their road trip with the twins was the best mini vacation they’ve ever been on. At some point, they hope they actually have enough money to go backpacking. 

“I don’t either,” Jen admits with a little shrug, “I’ve seen a lot of courts around America, but still haven’t been to most of the popular tourist attractions. I hear Chicago has a really amazing theatre scene though.” 

Jen takes their mug and blows on the steam to help cool down the hot tea faster. The smell wafting through the kitchen is nice and comforting. “Vegas though? I know a lot about Vegas, like which places will let a nineteen year old gamble,” They laugh into their mug before taking a tentative sip. Their summer in Vegas was tamer than The Hangover, but still kind of felt like a three month bachelor party, especially since Jen and Leo spent so much of it shirtless. 

         The blonde giggled as she grabbed the slice. This might be the best Fox party she’d been to all year. The entire team had to be excited they were moving on, even if they weren’t here to celebrate. She knew the Vixens were just as proud of them as well. Since all her responsibilities were taken care of, McKenna had no reason to go back to her room and go to sleep. She decided to join her friends and have a fun night with everyone. None of them knew what the rest of the season held, but the Foxes were moving on. They had done it and she wanted to celebrate with them.

         Lately a part of her felt like she was holding back from her friends. As if she was going back to her old self. Her fall semester had been a better balance between fun and responsibilities. This semester seemed to be off balance. She didn’t know what changed other than her mom’s current drama and the want to not be like anyone in her family. McKenna hoped that the rest of the semester she wouldn’t feel like this. That someone would help her balance things out again until the school year ended. That way she could come back to her squad next school year after a good summer break.

         She grinned as Jen complimented her, feeling happy that someone took notice. “Thanks! You’re always amazing as well.” She giggled and twirled. McKenna hadn’t been part of her cheer squad for long in high school. She hadn’t even taken dance as a little girl. She took a few classes when she was with her mom, they always ended up moving before she could learn that much though. Her grandparents had given her the choice of doing ballet, but she wanted to learn jazz and tap more than anything else. She’s improved a lot, put in tons of extra work just so she doesn’t make a fool of herself. “Oof, I’m getting dizzy from the spinning,” she muttered, stopping in the middle of the dance floor. 

“Thanks,” Jen breathes with a grin, their cheeks flushing from both the compliment and the alcohol. They’re expecting a lot of road blocks if they switch back to the Foxes, but one of the biggest is they’ll miss dancing. When they took that dance class in high school, they fell in love with it. While it still had structure, it didn’t feel as stifling as Exy did. It’s why they used to watch the Vixens perform with envy. But is dancing enough to make up for the lack of scholarship, missing their teammates, and failing their classes? Maybe, they can pick up a dance minor. 

Jen rests their hands on Mckenna’s shoulders to help steady her, silently praying they didn’t just make her sick. “Are you okay?” They ask with a laugh. “I can go get you some water or maybe we can go get some fresh air,” They offer.  They should probably slow down too if they want to last the rest of the night,

jenbrookhart·:

Jen nods along in understanding, grinning at the blush on Noah’s cheeks. They’re definitely not inexperienced, but that doesn’t mean they actually look good while kissing someone–which they never really considered before now. It’s not like they ever watched themself in front of a mirror or something. It could be a really disturbing sight. 

“If it makes you feel better, I’m not sure anyone looks good doing that,” Jen muses thoughtfully, “Other than movie stars, but they’re probably coached to make it looks nice.” They’re not sure how they ended up down this path, especially when the likelihood of this actually happening is extremely low, but now they feel the need to research kissing in movies. 

“Maybe, we should drop the idea. I’m not sure if it’s worth the free publicity,” Jen laughs quietly. 

He sinks in his chair a bit, hand slowly covering his face at Jen’s grin. That telltale heat is blazing and he’s sure his entire face is painted red. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine — he freely gave out the information, he shouldn’t be so EMBARRASSED. It’s completely natural not to have a relationship in high school; the world makes it seem like it should occur, and that maybe one is lesser if they never experienced it, but Noah knows the truth. And he’s absolutely willing to wait, for just the right time, and just the right person.

But that doesn’t abate much in the moment, and when he laughs, it’s a mix of nerves and genuine humor ( because, objectively speaking, this is quite hilarious ). “It’s a slight comfort. Though the idea of a kissing coach is tempting, if it wasn’t so odd to think about.”

Finally, he uncovers his face, and takes a deep breath. “You know, I think this is a fabulous end to the conversation, considering where it started.” He’s all bright smiles, leaning forward as if to say something more before his phone alarm begins chirping. “And good timing too; I’ll be late for economics if I don’t head out now. Maybe I can convince classmates that I’m red from rushing and not, uh, from any talk about kissing.”

With a quick two-fingered salute, he says, “Enjoy the rest of your day, Jen! I’ll see you at the next practice!”

Grant startles as Jen pushes pizza in his direction. It’s tradition when you’re a tourist in Chicago, Grant knows that well enough. When his team would travel here to play they’d all go out afterwards for pizza, always sponsored by someone else’s mom—never his own, because even when she could watch him play, they couldn’t afford to feed an entire team.

“Oh, uh. Thanks,” Grant says, without as much real enthusiasm as Jen’s likely looking for. He takes the slice and immediately searches for a napkin or plate to set it down on—and failing that, he’s stuck awkwardly holding it. If either of them needs pizza to soak up the alcohol it’s unequivocally Jen, with liquor on their breath and the obvious smears of makeup underneath their eyes. 

Then again, who is Grant to judge them for celebrating? After all, they’re all going on to the next game, Vixens included. It’s a big deal, big enough that it completely eclipses the actual loss tonight. He thought Illinois would leave a bitter taste in his mouth, and maybe the bad memories still do—but not the city itself somehow, not when they’ve got the points for the next death match. “You doing the full Chicago food tour or just pizza?” he says. “You know. Hot dogs. Italian Beef. The deep dish isn’t the only famous meal here.”

Jen looks down at their slice of pizza, brows furrowed in thought. They didn’t consider trying all the best foods Chicago has to offer, but now Grant put the idea in their head, and they value his expertise. “The night is young,” Jen answers seriously after they’re done contemplating. By the looks of the room, the party isn’t stopping any time soon, but it would be fun to actually leave the hotel once it breaks up. 

“I think I can fit in a food tour before we have to go to the airport. Any places you recommend or should I just see where I end up?” Jen asks before taking a bite of their slice of pizza. Wherever they go, they shouldn’t go alone or they might never find their way back, Google Maps or not. They’ve been to big cities for games, but never for long periods of time. They’re still a small town kid, and can see themself easily getting lost. 

“Jen,” Sterling gasps, elation in his expression as they appear, seemingly out of nowhere, with a massive piece of pizza. He’s quick to take the pizza and even quicker to bite into it with gusto, eyes closing briefly as he chews, clearly enjoying the experience tremendously. The fact that he’s high certainly enhances the experience - but even without that, they’re moving on. They’re in Chicago, they’re moving on in playoffs, there’s people and alcohol and music, and he’s chosen to not let the fact that they lost be a point of contention. He’ll pay his dues in the gym when they get back. 

“You’re an angel, by the way,” he says by way of thanks, then cranes his neck to look around the party to identify the source for a second piece before he’s even halfway done with the first. “Where the hell did you get that?” Something about the way Jen is moving, carefree and fluid, brings out his own urge to move - even if it’s more swaying side to side and nodding than dancing. “We should get more later. You’re gonna drink more, right? So we’ll need more pizza. I bet there’s places open 24-7.” 

“Sterling!” Jen answers with a mix of excitement and surprise. They’re not used to their old teammate looking so happy to see them, it’s probably just because they brought him food, but they aren’t going to question it. Not tonight when everything is so fun and carefree. They grin at the compliment before biting into their own slice, still dancing as they chew. “Somewhere over there,” They gesture vaguely in the direction they came from, “I think someone ordered it.” 

It doesn’t take much for them consider Sterling’s idea. The team is very aware that they get to sleep in tomorrow, a very rare occasion for an away game. Jen’s spent a few of their flights back hungover, and it’s never fun. “Right,” They confirm with an eager nod. “We can explore the city. See if we can find the best deep dish pizza place,” Jen suggests, grinning to themself when they notice Sterling dancing too. “It’s not like we need to get up early.” 

         McKenna didn’t need to be told twice to enjoy the night. Even if the Foxes hadn’t won, she was planning on celebrating their victory in the championships. She was proud of them—proud to call herself a Vixen. She loved cheering for the Foxes and every time she watched them, she was more amazed that at the way they played. Fox games were always something different. While McKenna was still learning all the other teams and players on other teams, for the most part she was starting to understand Exy and she loved it. There was something so fundamentally interesting about it—or maybe it was just the Foxes. Her team might have lost the game tonight, but it was still a chance to celebrate. The season wasn’t over. McKenna’s heart soared with pride.

         She doesn’t even know where she is. The break of nothing but practices was helpful for her to catch up on homework. So she was celebrating with her team tonight. Happy and thankful that they all weren’t sad about a loss and not moving on. The blonde barely remembers anything past her first couple shots. Dancing and drinking with the rest of her squad and the Foxes. Sometime soon, she’d have to call it a night—McKenna was exhausted and after a long day with delays and everything, she doesn’t know how much more partying she can handle.

         She’d giggling when Jen comes up to her, pizza in hand. For once she’s not thinking about what the team must look like to outsiders, what she looks like to outsiders. The blonde wants to have fun, to enjoy this night for what it is. She’s not thinking about her grandparents or her mom. She’s not even thinking about the freedom Palmetto’s given her or how she would have never gotten away with something like this back home. The Vixen’s mind is filled with love, with pride, with happiness, and that’s far more important than anything else. “Is that so?” she asks with a giggle, wiggling her eyebrows at Jen as she dances along with the music. “I guess I’m just legally required to take it.” She takes a bite of the pizza in their hands before taking it from them. “’S good. Dance with me!” 

“That’s right,” Jen yells over the music as they hand Mckenna the extra slice. The original idea was to keep making their rounds to make sure everyone got a slice in case they missed the delivery. It seemed like a brilliant idea at the time, but it took a lot of bobbing and weaving to get over here, and going back will be just as hard, so they nix the idea just as quickly as they came up with it. Also, Jen can’t just say no to dancing. 

“Yeah, of course,” They grin and take Mckenna’s hand in theirs to lead her to a good spot in the designated dance area. Once settled, they sway happily to the beat while finishing their slice. Everyone’s good moods are contagious, and it’s such a breath of fresh air after everyone just went home after the last game. It might not look great for the rest of the Championships, but the fact that they get to move forward and find out is huge. Akira saved them from being booted, and at some point Jen needs to make sure he also gets a slice of pizza.

For now, they turn their attention to Mckenna, wishing they had enough hands to also bring them drinks, but they take advantage of their free hands by offering to twirl her. “You were really great during half time!” They compliment her, raising their voice over the music. Even if they’re not a Vixen next year, they’ll always value their time on the squad and how much they learned from their more experienced teammates. Jen’s only real experience was that dance class they took, but they feel like they’ve improved a lot. 

Grayson hardly knows how to talk about family with Jen on a good day, and that’s so much worse when it’s Jen and their siblings in the room. Jen, who doesn’t have a home in Georgia anymore, and their siblings, who still do despite the cost. In some ways, he understands their decisions. Sometimes loyalty to your family isn’t a choice—it’s a requirement. 

But Grayson’s the only child of a man who’s never hurt him the way Jen’s dad did. He won’t pretend his family ties are simple anymore, especially not with this podcast and his own slowly creeping fears about it, but he can’t compare it to Jen’s family either. For Jane and Jackson it’s different. For Jen it’s different. And after what happened with Jen, why does Jacob deserve any kind of kindness at all?

Grayson still takes a slice of the pizza, but he can’t help wishing they’d brought their own food instead now. He understands things are complicated for the Brookharts, but as an outsider to the family, as someone who’s loyal to Jen and Jen alone, Grayson’s feelings on Jacob Brookhart aren’t complicated at all. He follows Jen’s lead as best he can though, pretends to be casual about it for the time being. He does take their free hand in his, squeezing Jen’s hand under the table in his best attempt at silent comfort under the circumstances.

There’s a lull in the conversation and Grayson picks at the pizza for a moment, uncomfortable. “Uh, Jen you were telling me you missed playing the other day, weren’t you?” he says, because it’s not his place to cuss out Jacob right now—as much as he wants to. Exy is a much safer topic. “Maybe we should get Grant and Vivian to do a powderpuff thing. Switch places for a day. I bet you’d still kick ass out there. Like riding a bike, right?”

Jen gives Grayson a small smile and squeezes his hand back, grateful that he’s trying to get off the subject of their dad. He loves his brother and sister, and they’re so lucky to have them even when Jacob tries to forbid them from seeing Jen, but there’s still moments like these that make them...uncomfortable. Jen talks it through with Betsy sometimes and tries so hard not be resentful over the fact that the twins still live with him. They’re not always successful. The same thing happened with Grayson when they got so frustrated over his loyalty towards his father, and they’re not even directly involved in that situation. 

“That’s a good idea,” Jane jumps in eagerly. “We did that with our cheer team a few months ago, and it was amazing. You should’ve seen Jackson try to do the splits,” She laughs.

“I was nearly there!” He protests, causing Jen to laugh with them before falling silent in thought. There’s no reason why they should hide their doubts from Grayson and their siblings other than embarrassment, but maybe they can talk them through it. Plus, they feel guilty, considering Grayson had the courage to tell them about the podcast, while they’re the bad grades and thoughts of switching from him. 

“Yeah, the few times I practiced for fun, I still had the hang of it,” They admit sheepishly before dropping their slice on the plate. “Uhm--actually, I’ve thought about maybe going back,” Jen winces when they finally hear it aloud. “I know that probably sounds ridiculous, I know it does, but...I miss it. And I guess I didn’t really think about what I’d lose by switching, like my scholarship and the lighter class load. Turns out I’m not so good at school,” Jen finishes with a weak laugh, averting their gaze to their hands. 

When Wmyack told them all to enjoy the night, Jen took it to heart. While the Foxes didn’t win, they’re acting like they did, and Jen is reveling in it. That’s part of being a Vixen, just kind of going with the mood of the team they cheer for. They’re grateful there’s a party tonight, because it’s always a little disappointing when they spend their away games in their hotel rooms, especially in a cool city like Chicago. 

The night is kind of a blur, but Jen knows they spent the majority of it dancing between celebratory shots. Now their skin is tacky with sweat, and their makeup is smeared underneath their eyes, but they’re the kind of drunk where everything is too fun to worry about little things like that. At some point, someone must’ve ordered a pizza, because now Jen has a slice of Chicago pizza in each hand, one for themself and one to pass on to anyone who may need it. 

They weave through the crowd, shaking their hips to the beat as they navigate their way around the room until they bump into someone. “Pizza delivery!” Jen exclaims as they hold up the slice they haven’t bitten into yet. “It’s important to soak up the alcohol, and I hear it’s against the law to go to Chicago without eating pizza so…” Jen ungracefully shoves the slice in their direction, a too big smile on their flushed face. 

The awkward conversation is worth it when both Jackson and Jen smile. Grayson can’t hide his relief at Jackson’s response either, and some of the tension in Grayson’s shoulders loosens as Jackson shakes his hand. Even better, it seems good enough for Jane too when she returns and catches the tail end of the conversation. 

Grayson returns Jen’s smile, hopefully reassuring them that he isn’t upset by this turn of events. Far from it. Grayson’s disappointed for the twins and their loss tonight like the rest of the room, but underneath it all, he can’t pretend he isn’t still selfishly thrilled at the idea that they approve of—or at least tolerate—his relationship with Jen. 

Besides: from their brief interactions and Jen’s numerous stories, he likes the twins. He wants them to like him too, as unpracticed as he is in the art of winning people over. Maybe he’s too used to being the cautionary tale, but even this simple approval leaves a warm glow in his chest.

But that isn’t the mood for tonight, not with Jane and Jackson’s sad expressions, so he doesn’t lean into it. “Sorry the Ravens won,” Grayson says to Jane, as they all move towards the small table in her dorm. It would’ve been nice to see the Terrapins victorious, even if it meant the Foxes had to play them again this year. “You two were good out there though,” he says. “Which is really what we came all this way to see. I’m scoping out the competition. Next time our teams play each other, I’m gonna be out on that court,” he jokes, before sitting down. “How much do I owe you for the pizza?”

Jen pauses as they reach for a slice, biting back the urge to blurt out that they might be on the court too. They still haven’t even officially made that decision, just considered it. They definitely haven’t told anyone they were thinking about returning to the Foxes. Still, it’s like they already made up their mind before fully realizing it. Jen should’ve told Grayson about everything, but they got distracted over the news of the podcast, and they don’t want to give him more reasons to worry. They take a bite as an excuse not to respond, nodding along to agree with Grayson.

Jackson visibly lifts in his seat, brimming with pride from Grayson’s praise. Their dad was always extra hard on Jackson as the striker of the their mini team. Exy didn’t come as easily to him as it did to Jen, and he’d still be practicing in the yard hours after their dad ended their practice for the night, trying to be good enough for him. Now, he cherishes the validation wherever he can get it. Meanwhile, Jane is the perfectionist of the three. She tries hard, but Exy isn’t her everything, even if she lets their dad believe that. Last Jen heard, she still plans to try and play professionally after she graduates, but she’s also enjoys her major and has a backup plan if no one takes her.

“Thanks. And the Foxes have been amazing this year,” She smiles, a little more genuinely this time, though still sad. “Y’all are always fun to play against. I missed you though,” Jane pats their head in a very big sister way. “Playing against you was weird, but kind of fun. You ever miss it?” She asks casually, though they can tell she’s really interested. She’s been trying to pry more information out of Jen over the phone, but they always find a way to change the subject.

Jen chews their pizza slower, using good manners as an excuse to give nothing more than a non-committal hum and shrug in response. Jackson waves Grayson off as he grabs his own slice, “Don’t worry about it, dude. Our dad gives us an allowance,” He explains before remembering his audience and freezing. “I mean...well, you know.” 

“It’s fine,” Jen answers after swallowing roughly, the pizza less appealing than it was a minute ago. “It’s kind of a secret “screw you” move, right? He bought me dinner.” 

She remembers moving into the Vixen Den. Remembers that first party, when she’d sat out on the porch because she almost couldn’t bear to be inside, rubbing elbows with the Foxes when she’d tried so hard for so many years to stay as far away from them as possible. 

The Foxes had started the year off with a loss, and then another one. And she’d been so angry—at her old squad, for not making her Captain, for kicking her out; at herself, for letting her pride ruin everything she’d built—but mostly at the Foxes, for living up to every nasty thing she had said about them for her first three years here. 

Now, the Foxes are in the Championships. The football team’s season is over, her old squad’s season is over, and now they just get to watch the Foxes with envy, swallow their words as the Foxes keep proving them wrong. Raleigh doesn’t know which side she’s on: she’s eating her own words now, for sure, but somehow she can’t be too angry about it.

In this case, it feels better to win than to be right. 

“I’ve got a ginger peach tea in here somewhere,” she says, rifling through the boxes until she finds it closer to the back of the cabinet, pulling it out with a small sound of triumph. She drops a teabag in each mug, leans back against the counter to wait for the kettle to finish boiling. “This one’s got caffeine in it, so I guess you have no choice but to stay awake and keep me company ‘til it’s time for practice. I’ve got reading, but—ugh, I’d rather procrastinate.”

“I can’t say I say I’m upset about that,” Jen laughs with a careless shrug. They have a history of jumping on the chance to procrastinate, and if they’ve learned anything about themself this year it’s that they’re pretty flaky. When it comes to their family, friends, and relationship their steadfast and loyal—unwavering, but somehow that just doesn’t ring true to the other aspects of their life. Joining the Foxes, quitting, and now considering joining again, telling themself they’re going to do better in school and not following through. Maybe, they need to talk to Betsy.

Packing can wait until after practice though. They’d rather hang out in the kitchen with Raleigh. Jen doesn’t know what will happen next year. Even if they do decide to just say with the Vixens, Raleigh still won’t be here next year, so it feels like they should take advantage of the time they have left with her. 

“Are you excited for Chicago?” Jen asks as they wait for the kettle to boil. They still have to go to Nashville before the even think about getting ready for that trip, but they’re still looking forward to it. That’s always been one of their favorite parts of Exy—all the traveling. “I’ve been a few times for games. We never stay long enough to see much, but I see why they love their pizza.” 

Dammit, he just hampered the mood. That’s never been the goal when here at Palmetto. He’s spent enough days facing his family and watching their faces fall at the news of what little progress he had made in physical therapy, to never want to be in the same position again. Attending Palmetto was meant to be a fresh start, a constant beam of light because he’s here and thriving.

And now — Jen’s smile is tight, forced, and Noah can’t help the shame that washes over him.

It’s a short-lived silence that follows, before Jen giggles, humor drifting back into the conversation. And Noah grasps it tight, promising himself to do better with the luck that he’s been granted.

“Me? Volunteer?” Red stains his cheeks again, for entirely different reasons than before. “Uh —- I mean, half of me is going ‘sure, why not?’ and the other half of me is very much thinking about the HUGE lack of experience I have, and how messy it will all look as a result, soooo….yeah.”

Jen nods along in understanding, grinning at the blush on Noah’s cheeks. They’re definitely not inexperienced, but that doesn’t mean they actually look good while kissing someone--which they never really considered before now. It’s not like they ever watched themself in front of a mirror or something. It could be a really disturbing sight. 

“If it makes you feel better, I’m not sure anyone looks good doing that,” Jen muses thoughtfully, “Other than movie stars, but they’re probably coached to make it looks nice.” They’re not sure how they ended up down this path, especially when the likelihood of this actually happening is extremely low, but now they feel the need to research kissing in movies. 

“Maybe, we should drop the idea. I’m not sure if it’s worth the free publicity,” Jen laughs quietly. 

Sweetie’s is busier than Caleb would like it to be, mildly frustrated by just the sheer noise of it all and unable to get a solid breath in. The ice cream in front of him helped mitigate the overwhelming feeling of his chest being crushed, not just by the game, but by the overload and the game combined. Too much stimulus, his brain running through everything that happened during the game while his ears tried to tune out the sound of the restaurant getting filled up with people eating their feelings. 

Another person, one talking directly to him, wouldn’t help the overload, it would actually make it worse, but Caleb enjoyed Jen’s company, more than most of the people currently on the team. Them not being a Fox anymore, but a Vixen, is probably what tipped the scales in their direction to begin with. He doesn’t press their choice not to partake in cracker dust, noticing the packet of crackers from the salad bar missing. 

“Suit yourself.” It’s almost dismissive, but not quite. Jen had to have been feeling the loss but probably not anywhere near as hard as the Foxes themselves were. Wymack didn’t care what his Foxes got up to so long as they didn’t end up in jail or unable to play, he could afford to drown his sorrows in cracker dust instead of alcohol or one of his more unsavory vices. This, at the very least, wouldn’t last long enough to do any real damage and he’d be good to be rise with the sun in the morning. 

After a second, pondering the question, Caleb shrugs. “Not really.” It’s the first time he admitted to anyone that he wasn’t okay, including Dr. Dobson, and it was only because it was understandable. They’d lost, but the Foxes would come back from it. It was okay that he wasn’t okay. “But it’s whatever. I’ll get over it.” 

The cracker dust is probably his method of getting over it, Jen notes as their gaze goes back to the pile of napkins. They’re not sure what they can say to reassure him, not when everything is uncertain, but they still try. “You’re not out yet,” They offer with a weak smile. They’ve finally stopped saying “we” when talking about the Foxes, a habit that took them a while to drop, and just when they’re consider the benefits of potentially going back. Everyone will think they’re a flake, which is fair, but it makes sense for them to flounder a little bit on where they belong when they came to Palmetto directly after getting disowned. 

“I bet y’all win the next one,” Jen adds in an attempt to be comforting. The Foxes have come a lot further than anyone thought, and they believe they can keep going. Jen’s not so sure on their chances of actually winning the whole thing, but they’re strong this year, and they can see them pushing forward until there’s only a few teams left. 

“Uh,” Grayson says, eloquently. Jackson’s speech is only fair, protective big brother act or not. Of course Grayson still remembers the banquet—hell, he remembers both of them, both equally disastrous. Grayson’s fault, both times. He also isn’t sure he fully believes Jackson’s a big softie right now, although he’s certainly less aggressive than Grayson used to be on the court. Grayson was on the bench when they played the Terrapins, and thankfully so, but he’s seen their performance from afar. Grayson doesn’t think Jen’s siblings would’ve been any more charitable towards him if he and Jackson had ever collided on the court. 

It’s nerve wracking to be here, even if he doesn’t for a moment regret coming. Grayson wants to make a good impression this time, to make up for the countless terrible ones he’s made so far. 

And family’s a complicated enough topic between Grayson and Jen already. It was the crux of so many fights in the beginning. Even after their conversation in Vegas, he wonders if Jen still feels like they’re dancing on ice when they talk about his dad. 

“No, that’s fair,” he says, even as Jen tries to smooth things over. “He’s gotta do the talk. Family, right?” Grayson jokes, as if he knows. As if anyone in his family has ever taken this kind of interest in looking out for him. He doesn’t know how the conversation would go, if he told his dad about Jen, but it certainly wouldn’t be like this. 

It’s nice to see though, even if Jackson’s cliche threats are directed at Grayson. Even after everything, Jen’s got their siblings. Maybe their father never protected them, but Jackson will.  

So. Grayson can level with him. He can understand wanting to make everything right for Jen. “It’s not gonna happen again,” Grayson promises. “Trust me, I know I was an idiot.” Of course, he has no idea what’s in their future, especially with Grayson’s own father still waiting in the wings—but Grayson won’t be the person he was at the banquet. He’s not going to walk away from Jen like that again, not when they still want him around. “Are we…good now though?” Grayson asks Jackson, carefully. 

As embarrassing as it is, it’s little moments like these that remind Jen that no matter what happens, they still have their brother and sister. Even if they’re sometimes disappointed that their siblings chose to stay with their dad after Jen was kicked out, they still have a family that has their back--to give the “talk” to their boyfriend, even if it’s unnecessary. 

Jen ducks their head, letting their curls fall in their face, so Grayson doesn’t catch the grateful smile that reaches their lips. They don’t want him to think they’re enjoying the awkward moment, even if they are a little. They don’t know how they expected Grayson to respond to Jackson’s pseudo-tough guy act, but it wasn’t for him to willingly go along with it and take it seriously. They’ll never have a meet the parents moment, and they’re surprisingly okay with that. This is close enough. 

Jackson’s stern face melts away with a big grin as he sets the popcorn on the edge of the bed before getting up to and reaching out to shake Grayson’s hand. “Yeah, dude. That’s all I needed to hear,” He says as he ruffles Jen’s hair, prompting them to bat his hand away. “Well, you stayed firm for a good two seconds there,” Jen laughs just as Jane comes in with in with the pizza, unable to hide the disappointed frown on her face like Jackson managed to. 

“What’d I miss?” She asks when she sees them all standing in the middle of the room. 

“Jackson was just trying to scare Grayson out of hurting me,” Jen snorts before giving Grayson apologetic smile.

Sometimes it surprises her, how homey the Vixen Den has become to her: her coat and scarf on a hook by the door, a pile of class notes on the coffee table, the shelf full of jumbled-up boxes of tea and mismatched mugs. 

It isn’t the house she thought she’d be living in, the one where she’d already mentally picked out her bedroom, the one to go with the title of Captain she’d already given herself. It’s not the squad she thought she’d have. Once, she thought she’d never stop being angry about that. About all the things she wanted but wouldn’t get to have. About the way that she let herself down, let herself slip, when before she thought she’d become so good at pushing all of her anger down—so good that she fooled herself, let herself pretend that maybe it was really gone.

She hums as she pulls down two mugs from the cabinet, the kettle slowly coming to life on the counter. “Just in a good mood, I guess. Besides, can’t drink this all by myself, can I?” She says with a shrug, like that’s ever stopped her before. 

And Jen’s not bad company. There’s a part of her that longs for that, that misses the easy camaraderie of her last squad, even after she spent the first half of this year, at least, holding herself back from achieving that with the Vixens. Now, it feels almost like it’s too late. 

“What’re you feeling?” She asks, holding the cabinet door open and looking over her collection. “Black tea, green tea, something herbal?”

“Well, thanks,” Jen says brightly. They’re not going to turn down such a nice offer, especially when they’ve found themself searching through the cabinets for a snack and eyeing Raleigh’s tea selection in envy. They’re not a big tea drinking, usually choosing sugary coffee concoctions instead, but they do love a good sweet tea. 

They watch from their spot on the counter as Raleigh looks over her tea collection, and it’s hard not to miss how comfortable she looks here now. It’s a noticeable difference from when she first joined the squad, and it makes Jen a little sad that it’s her last year. She’s leaving when she’s just started to find her place on the team, but at least it happened at all. Besides, they’re not so sure they’ll be here next year either--whether it’s because they failed out of school or they put aside their pride and rejoin their old team. 

“Do you have peach tea?” They ask. There’s a lot of bad memories attached to Georgia, but there’s a lot of good too--like the summer heat, the bushy green trees, and the peaches, which is how they ended up with the tattoo of a peach on their bicep. 

“Or whatever you’re having. I can’t decide if I need to be caffeinated or put to sleep,” They joke with a quiet laugh. Caffeine is required for them to be productive, but they’re also so excited to see the twins that they feel too keyed up to do anything.

They don’t recognize any of them and the realization is shocking enough to make them feel a little dizzy. They used to be so intertwined in each other’s lives that Jen pretty much knew the names of all Jane and Jackson’s friends, their birthdays, their parents names, etc. Jane and Jackson are still like that, while Jen is off in South Carolina, living a completely separate life from them. Tearing their gaze from the walls, they move to stand by Grayson’s side and give his hand a squeeze. “Thanks for coming with me. Sorry, it’s not going to much of a celebration tonight,” They sigh.

It’s not like Jen’s surprised, though they won’t tell the twins that, defeating the Ravens is a rare opportunity, one that the Foxes or Terrapins almost never get themselves. Still, they hoped the Terrapins might get lucky this time. Jane and Jackson are obviously crushed, but they’re still trying to stay cheerful for Jen and Grayson. Hopefully they don’t get the routine “I’m disappointed in you” phone call from their dad. 

Jackson comes back in the room with a bowl of popcorn and grin that looks obviously strained and sad. “Jane’s just heating up a frozen pizza,” He explains before plopping down on the edge of his twin’s bed and grabbing a handful of popcorn. 

“But while she’s gone, I need to have a talk with you, Grayson,” Jackson begins and puts on a stern face that makes Jen roll their eyes. “Last time I saw you my little sibling was crying at the banquet, and while I’m real glad that’s all fixed now, I thought I should let you know that if you ever hurt them again, I’ll kill you,” Jackson threatens lowly, but Jen knows him enough to see how forced it all is. They’re pretty sure their brother has never punched someone in his life, unless it was on the court.

“No, he won’t,” Jen tells Grayson with a breathy, nervous laugh. “He likes to pretend like he’s all tough when we all know you’re really a big softy,” Jen turns to Jackson with a pointed look.