all by my lonesome.

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒

Name: Jesse Dorian "JD" Culpepper

Age: 35

Occupation: Fish and Wildlife Agent

Affiliation: Top Hand for The Cowboy Mafia

Gender & Pronouns: Man (he/him)

Faceclaim: Aaron Taylor-Johnson

𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘

tw drug use/misuse, overdose, assault

If there was something that JD Culpepper knew how to do, it was to fight. Even at birth, JD was fighting. Born prematurely, he spent the first few weeks of his life in the hospital. Though he remembers nothing of this experience, JD can never forget the way it impacted him.

JD can’t remember a time when his family was truly happy, or whole for a matter. What he does remember is the slow way it fractured. Raising an infant can be stressful on any couple. Raising a baby who began his life in distress and continued along that path for much of his infancy, doing little more than crying during his waking hours, is even more stressful. Even as he grew, JD was a burden – slight, prone to injuries. His parents had different ideas about how to raise him. His father believed that his mother treated him too gently, coddled him he claimed. His mother believed that his father’s expectations for the child were too high, unrealistic she said. All they did was fight and JD had no one to blame but himself.

Then one day, his father simply didn’t come home. Maybe it was the stress of being a young parent, maybe he just wanted something different from life. Regardless, the man had run off to start a new life – one that didn’t include having JD as a son.

For some time, after his father left, JD's mom tried her hardest to be the mom she knew her son needed. She was doting and indulgent, but inevitably, the stress of being a single parent became too much. JD doesn't know how it happens -- he was too young to understand, too young to recognize the signs when it began -- but somehow, his mother began to use drugs. What began as an indulgence quickly spiraled into an addiction. JD was still a small child but suddenly it was as if he were the parent. He'd wake up, make sure that his mother had her morning cup of coffee before he left for school. He'd perform small tasks for neighbors to earn a few dollars here and there.

JD was in his sophomore year of high school when his world turned inside out. He came home to find mother passed out in his room. Only he couldn't feel her breaths. By the time paramedics arrived, it was too late. The addiction had won.

Unfortunately, JD didn't have anyone to rely on, a fact he'd always known, but one that was made clearer after his mother's death. This was how he came to live with the Blackburns. Chip Blackburn took pity on the pitiful boy and took him in.

Shortly after, his mother's dealer began to come around. She'd owed him money, he claimed, and that debt didn't just disappear because she'd died. For months, he continued to come around until one day, he simply stopped. JD couldn't say why, but he also knew better than to question the one time the universe had worked in his favor. He'd never forget, though. After graduating high school, JD decided that something needed to be done about the man who'd capitalized on his mother's sickness, and the Cowboy Mafia could help. It would have been an aggravated assault charge if he'd been caught, but the Cowboys had a way of making sure things went according to plan. Shortly after, JD received his mark.

Following the mark, JD began to pull away from Blackburns. Chip had always been clear about his feelings about the Cowboys and JD knew all too well just how fragile life could be. The last thing he wanted was to lose someone else he loved, an idea that was solidified by Faye's accident. So, he rationalized that it was better this way. He will always think of Chip as the father he needed, a hero among men, and he can only hope to one day pay forward the kindness that was shown to him.

JD has always felt like a stranger in his own head, but being out in nature quiets the noise that is often overwhelming. It’s there that he feels connected to something larger. So, shifting plans from being in law enforcement to working for the Fish & Wildlife department feels like a natural change. It may be a lonely life, but for the first time, JD feels as if he's in control of his own life.

𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐀𝐑𝐂

Matias was as collected as ever on the outside but on the inside, he was slowly panicking. He was happy JD was here, still a bit surprised, he just hoped he didn't say or do something that would accidentally frighten the other away. His brain scrambled to think about anything except how nice to felt to smell JD's hint of cologne mixing into his place and how he was sure he'd be drowning himself in it the moment the other left. "You're not a tomato expert? What?" He jokingly placed a hand over his heart, feigning disbelief, "I'm shocked, shocked." Shaking his head, he teases, "You think you know a guy." Matias shoots JD a playful wink before turning around to make his way towards the oven first, so as to get it preheated for their pizza. It felt weird to say this, as he knew JD knew where everything was but, "Dishes are still pretty much in the same spot. Only bummer? I've just got one cheese grater. One will have to slice the other toppings in the meantime." He pours them each a glass of wine, taking a generous sip of his, before he moves to take out pots they'll need.

"I'll work on the dough. I hope you know you'll be stuck here for at least three hours, possibly four." He reaches for another sip of wine, feeling like he would need something a bit stronger soon. In the meantime, he was going to focus on mixing the ingredients in the bowl he was holding to form the dough. "Before you start the cheese or veggies, could you sprinkle some flower on the counter here?" He nods to the spot next to him, smiling a bit.

As Matias continued to tease, JD snorted out a laugh. He didn't know how tomatoes had become a safe topic for them, but they were. Somehow, JD was more interested in the little fruits than he'd ever been any other topic in his life. If Mati was smile like that, and laugh like he had no cares in the world, then JD would talk about tomatoes until he was red in the face and resembled one of them. "Still working on the expert badge," he quipped. He didn't mention that he'd seriously considered getting a tattoo the other day when he'd had one too many beers to think clearly. JD had a few silly tattoos peppered across his skin -- they made the tattoo feel less significant -- but something about getting a tiny tomato marked on him had felt like the most meaningful decision he'd ever made. So, he'd walked away, but JD knew that if he continued to spend time with Mati, there would be nothing to stop him from making a very foolish decision when he found himself thinking too hard about brown eyes, and curls, and a dimpled smile.

And this was why he'd walked away in the first place. Matias so easily became the center of every thought he had. "I'll slice," he offered, shaking the thoughts he'd been having from his brain. Now was not the time to examine those. "Someone's gotten bossy," JD said with a mock groan even as he followed through on the request. After he'd sprinkled the flour, he glanced at Mati. "Pass me a knife, will you?"

at rafter b ranch (chip's ranch)

In the days after Faye found out what those truck diagnostics told her, she'd pulled back quite a bit from the people around her. It was a trade mark of her — she'd lick her wounds in private and then pull herself together, rally, and come out stronger. They were helping her father check calves, as it was calving season. Faye was mounted on her prize cutting stallion, Sig, the copper stallion with a wide blaze jogging with excitement. He was still in performance shape, and Faye believed in retirement being serious. This was the sort of work that this stud craved, just being a horse and pet. He was outside for eight hours a day, used lightly, and then was a breeding stud on occasion. His books were full as it pertained to the public, so he was back to just being a solid mount.

Faye kept it to herself that Noah was the one to get the stud with her at the last minute, as Sig wasn't supposed to be back until the end of this month.

Falling in next to JD, she said, "I never thanked you for the reference on the guy who took a look at the truck," Faye said, sucking in a breath. "He told me the truck reported a vehicle hitting my side and pushing me off the road with the horses," Faye said, her tone somewhat mechanical. Her face came back to herself and she looked at JD. "The Highway Patrol told me I fell asleep at the wheel, and never looked at the truck's information. The paranoid part of me that realizes someone tried to kill me on purpose, also wonders who paid them off." Her eyes searched JD's face. "I'm worried for you." JD, in his job, had to work with Highway Patrol. What if one was dirty enough to try to kill him or betray him?

"You're welcome. Always happy to help," he replied. JD would never have said those words to anyone else, but for all of her faults, Faye truly was like family to him. He'd go out of his way to assist her whenever she asked for it. The fact that she very rarely asked only seemed to motivate him more. "What reason would somehow have to kill you?" It wasn't that he didn't believe her, or even that he disagreed -- JD knew that conspiracies were often less far fetched stories and more often reality in their world -- but he didn't want Faye to become paranoid in her own home; she deserved to have a place that felt safe. "And you have nothing to worry about, promise. I'm safe. Nothing's gonna happen to me."

The sight of his ex the other side was not what he expected to see, though he was not upset by it. What he was suddenly very aware of was that he was wearing the hoodie that once belonged to JD so to say he internally wanted the earth to swallow him whole was just a bit of an understatement. He pushed that cringey feeling into the further parts of his mind as he focused in on why his ex was here, maybe JD would ignore it too. However, he was unable to stop himself from giving a crooked smile at the explanation of why the other was here. "You sure you got the right tomatoes?" Mat teased, stepping aside, allowing the other entrance into his place.

It was surreal to have JD back here again. Something in his stomach tightens but like the earlier embarrassment of being caught in his ex-boyfriend's hoodie, he pushed that down. "I do my best cooking over a glass of wine." Locking the door behind JD, Matias leads them down the familiar path to his kitchen, "Would you care for some?"

He was unraveling. And he was still standing in the doorway with the grocery bag outstretched. "I..." He stalled, his brain rushing to comprehend the other man's words. "Okay, I deserve that," he admitted. "Maybe I'm not really a tomato expert." He followed Matias into the apartment, trailing behind him as he led them to the kitchen. JD could have navigated this place with his eyes closed, but there was no reason to remind Matias of that now. "Yeah." He wasn't much of a wine drinker, but it would give him something to do with his hands. Something that wasn't completely idiotic like reaching up to brush the curls out of Mati's eyes. "Yeah, wine's good."

Where: Unincorporated Ranch

When: Present

The sun burned brightly in the afternoon. Julie's skin felt coated in a sheen of dust. 'Ripe,' was the word Joanne would use for how she probably looked in that moment. She would never stop doing hair and nails and makeup, but she had to go where the money was most days. Today, the money was in repairing some barbed wire fences.

Julie just took off her baseball cap, dousing it in ice water, when a truck rolled up. The logo on the side made Julie smile despite herself. "Don't tell me this old rancher did something for a ranger to come up," she greeted in an attempt to keep up appearances.

The rancher in question left for a trip to a neighboring town. Some of their ranch hands lingered, but for the most part they were out in the pastures with roaming cattle. It was prime time to potentially bite the hand that was feeding her that day. "It's behind the third barn," Julie said, voice lowered.

"Warden. The rangers were busy today," JD corrected gently. The smile plastered on his face was cordial enough, but remote, as if he was greeting a stranger rather than someone he'd known for the majority of his life. That was the game he was playing nowadays -- keeping those around him at arms length in public until he could ensure their safety. JD's gaze drifted over the ranch -- nothing too unexpected on the surface. "We had reports of coyote activity in the area recently," he announced, voice pitched just loud enough so that those around them would not be suspicious. "I'm going to just have a look around."

Noah nodded before sighing, "it's not okay. It's probably never going to be okay." He paused, "but I think you knew that." Noah didn't know that details of JD's past-- well he knew some of them but not the play by play sordid things that one could only know if they were told. He did know however, that JD could understand the sentiment. "But I have come to terms with things that will have to happen in the future so maybe one day it can be okay, and that is going to have to be enough for now." He didn't want to talk about those things, that just made them more real, and he was putting it off for as long as he could before he had to do something about it. "And one day I am sure I will have to hide out again, but honestly, it's nice to have no one know where you are for a change." He laughed a bit, "you know when I turned my phone back on when I got back into town-- 50 missed calls. Over a hundred texts?" He shook his head, "I don't know when everyone got so obsessed with me, but I am clearly the most famous person alive."

"People worry. It's what they do best." He laughed at that. "That, or they're just nosey." It was anyone's bet when it came to most of the people in town. "But yeah, cabin's yours whenever you need it." Everyone needed to escape every now and then. JD never that he wouldn't be able to survive this town and this life if he lost the ability to escape at will. "I'm actually thinking about doing some renovations on this place. Knock down a wall or two, make it more of an open concept kind of space, maybe. Or maybe I should just adopt a dog or something."

"As for the Sig of it all, there's a lot of options. You don't need to take off from work to get him." A thought circled around her mind. A little pinprick, something that wouldn't stop nagging her. "JD," Faye said, lifting her eyes. "Have you ever, or like any of your law buddies, brought a truck's black box to get it examined?" Faye questioned and then quickly retracted, "I just — I only wonder. I'm not sure what I would even get out of it."

"It's not about need," he replied with a shrug. He knew that Faye wouldn't ask him to do something she viewed as inconvenient, but the truth was, JD would do anything for her. For the Blackburns, in general. "Listen, I'm not blaming you for what happened and I'm not enough of a conspiracy theorist to come up with other ideas, but shit happens and that's fine and all..." He paused, twisting at the hem of his shirt. "...But I just don't want to get the call that you got yourself killed. Not when there's something I can do to help." At her question, JD frowned. "Nah, not personally at least. But I know some guys who might know about that kind of thing. Why?"

When he'd lost his mother, everyone had wanted to know how he was doing. At least, they'd asked, but JD had quickly learned that they didn't actually want to know. Most people would have felt uncomfortable if he'd really shared how he was doing. So, instead, he'd buried those feelings and nodded and insisted that yeah, he was doing okay, y'know? But he would never be okay. Not with what had happened. Not with how it had happened. Not with what he'd done in retaliation. "I just wanted to make sure you know that I'm here if you need anything. Even if it's to hide out again. Or to not talk about things." He shrugged. "I do care about what happens to you, even if I never say so."

It all went back to that one night years ago. Tim rarely held a rope since. Instead, he did his best to erase that memory from his thoughts but it always cropped up in his nightmares. He wondered if JD had his own, but thought better of asking.

Instead, he kicked at what looked like a rock but proved to be a clump of dirt as it burst apart. The Cowboy Mafia was a lot like that too. They appeared in legends as a pillar of the community, but deep down in the organization was hollowed by rot. At least, that was the conclusion he came to every few years.

“Not that you asked, but I think if what you want is peace, then it’s worth the risk,” Tim said after a moment. “That’s all anyone should want, right? A peaceful life?”

At least that was what he wanted for his family and friends, for those who never had it, it just seemed he’d never be among them. Maybe, one day, it’d be worth it. Maybe not.

JD wasn't sure if that was possible. Surely, anything had to be better than the life he currently had -- carrying guilt around like a weight around his neck. The decisions he'd made when he was young and impulsive were still impacting him, and while he hadn't regretted them then, and knew even now that he'd likely take the same path if offered a second chance, JD had to believe that there was another life out there that was better. "Sorry," he apologized as he forced out a chuckle. JD swallowed down any other concerns he'd thought to voice. "I didn't mean to ambush you on your walk just so I could turn you into my therapist."

It was the sight of a yellow bell pepper being extended his way that pulled him out of his thoughts and he reaches for it to place it in the basket. It was a very brief brush of fingertips against the other’s fingers as he took the pepper, but it began to unlock memories in Matias that he truly wanted to keep locked away. He ignores it and reaches for a red pepper to inspect it a bit. What’s new with you? “I have a new job, new routine, picked up cooking, and going back out to explore the nightlife of Paxton. It took me a while to bounce into a routine again after…..” he trails off, clearing his throat a bit, “…after I woke up one day and decided it was time to get a routine going again.” Mat plops the red pepper into his basket, “Besides that….” he shrugged, glancing to the zucchini, “…making bad decisions after one too many sips of whiskey, you know, the usual.” His gaze drifts over to a little basket of mushrooms, reaching for them, tossing those into his basket too. The darn zucchini was too far for him to reach, so he looks to JD, “Can you do me a favor? Can you get that zucchini? I think fried zucchini and maybe some on the pizza would be pretty good. You ever had that, Jess? You should give it a try if you haven’t.”

At the request, JD nodded and reached for the vegetable, hand freezing at the sound of his name. "No one," he coughed, voice cracking slightly. "No one calls me that anymore. It's just JD now." It felt strange having to say that, but what was one more strange thing to add to the mix? There had only been two people who'd ever referred to him by his given name -- his mother and this man -- but neither of them were available to him anymore. "Sorry." He placed the zucchini in the basket and slid his hands into his pockets. "Didn't mean to make this weirder. It's just that," JD's shoulders lifted slightly in a shrug, not quite meeting Matti's gaze again, "only you and my ma used to call me Jesse. So, yeah."

Can we start again? The question felt like an invisible punch to the stomach, knocking the wind right out of him. For a moment his head goes a little hazy, though he ends up quickly recovering as the other continues. The silence that followed JD's questions was not on purpose, it was just Matias did not know what to say at first. All he can do is simply look at the other, puzzled. But Matias could understand needing a redo and it would be nice to maybe lift this weight he had been carrying for the past two years. "Just a couple of conditions," Mat says, "I would like that you look at me when you speak to me, and I would like to know why you did it." He knew that the other knew what he meant by that. "We don't have to talk about that now, but it should be a topic of conversation for the future."

He turned to the tomatoes, picking one up, "For the record, I was trying to pick out the right tomatoes to make pizza sauce with. I like to cook these days, it's actually pretty relaxing." Mat sighed, "But pizza? I just can't get the damn sauce." He turned to look at the other, giving a a little side smile, "Would you like to help me out? I could use a bit of help picking some veggies for toppings too. Maybe you can catch me up on how you've been?"

JD coughed out a laugh at Matti's clarification of the tomatoes. "Can't really help you there," he replied with a shrug, "I still suck at it. I honestly don't know how I manage to keep myself alive." Looking Matti in the eyes as he'd requested was a strange thing. JD had meant the words to be honest, albeit self deprecating, but saying them while holding his ex's gaze brought up memories that JD wasn't ready or willing to explore right then. "I..." He paused, nodding his head sharply. "Yeah, I mean, haven't really been up to much. Still with fish and wildlife. Still living in the same little house. Still trying to avoid socializing at all costs." He glanced at the bell peppers, handing a yellow one over to Matti. "How have you... What's new with you?"