ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ?

Aries: when confronted with being somewhere he wasn't supposed to be in an alternate universe holding a homemade flamethrower, he said, "We're from the Fire Department."

Taurus: ramped his truck over government quarantine fences while his car's radio played Bad Moon Rising by Creedence

Gemini: when his best friend's girlfriend fed her dog convenience store burritos to help the dog shit out a homemade bomb shaped like a dog treat she had accidentally eaten, he picked up the uncontrollably shitting dog and aimed her asshole at the enemies the bomb had been intended for

Cancer: purposely made sure to time his smoking just right so he was lighting a new cigarette as he was approaching a crime scene in order to look as cool as possible

Leo: aided his best friend in burning down his best friend's house because they saw a spider in it

Virgo: got kicked out of art class for submitted very, very detailed charcoal nudes of himself with six inches added to his genitalia

Libra: shaved half of his best friend's girlfriend's dog, at the request of the dog.

Scorpio: when his best friend started talking about some random guy's attributes because he thought his girlfriend could do better, John started talking about the random guy having a great ass because he wanted to feel included

Saggitarius: claimed he faked a seizure when some people tried to get him to leave a scene and after pretending not to speak English didn't help (note: it's possible none of this actually happened and John was lying)

Capricorn: attempted to make a jetpack, then later claimed the burns were from messing around with homemade fireworks

Acquarius: when he needed to make a group of people form a recognizable shape to communicate to some pilots that there were still relatively healthy people in their town, had them all form the shape of a penis because spelling out a word would take too long

                                   ❝ we didn’t do it on purpose, we just                                           aren’t very good at doing things.

                     ❝ we didn’t do it on purpose, we just                           aren’t very good at doing things.

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