messed up forever

robert/aaron, 27.9k words, explicit

"Aaron, I feel like this is perhaps indicative of a much larger issue." Mackenzie says. Which is a stupid thing to say. Aaron hates him. "What the hell are you talking about?" "Well, I mean, people don't cheat unless there's something wrong in their relationship. Maybe John isn't satisfying you, or—" "Oh my god will you please shut up." "You're the one who asked me for advice." He's at the farm again. On Robert's day off. Mackenzie's in his overalls fixing some fence, had listened rather politely actually while Aaron ranted at him about what an idiot he's been. As much as he hates Mackenzie's input, he's glad to have someone he can talk to about everything. "Aaron, you've got to stop asking me what I think if you're just going to ignore everything I say anyway." Aaron gives him a look. "No I don't."

Robert Sugden!

Aaron can’t stop thinking about Robert Sugden.

It has been eight days since Aaron changed his sheets and carded his hand through his sweaty hair, his knuckles pressed to the wall as he was trying to calm Robert down. It has been eight days since Vic came back from Hotten, tired but glad that her new car wasn’t acting up and that they had managed to get some appointments sorted. Eight days since Aaron chose not to tell her about the state Robert was in.

It has been eight nights, and Aaron’s fingers seem to tingle at the memory of Robert’s skin under the thin cotton of his t-shirt. It has been eight nights during which he turned in his bed before somehow managing to force himself to sleep, haunted by the colour of Robert’s eyes, beautiful like clear forest lakes.

Aaron tries not to look into this too much, telling himself that maybe he has always been drawn to despair, just as much as he has always seemed to attract it. 

Diane pours him a second pint, gushing about Robert’s support group, and Aaron doesn’t even bother to pretend he isn’t interested or listening.

“Vic mentioned that he was in a bit better spirits after you stayed with him.” Diane says easily, and the skin on the back of Aaron’s neck prickles, “I’m heading there in twenty for some tea and biscuits, maybe you’ll come along?”

The itch becomes almost unbearable, and Aaron digs his nails into his nape before nodding. 

Chapter 1: Let's Play Doctors

In 1993 John Sugden is taken to live on Emmerdale Farm. In 2014 Aaron Dingle meets John Sugden and his sickly older brother who he takes care of and finds out there's more to them than meets the eye.