— Melissa Cox
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@jazreeeeel
— Melissa Cox

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I'm having a hard time on/to myself. My emotions, it's all over the place. I don't wanna be a burden to everyone, to anyone. This guilt inside me. I just want to be steady, happy... Within myself. Genuinely.
If Words Could Hold You // ma.c.a

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I started sharing my writings on tumblr when I was 21 years old, without even dreaming about publishing my own book. I started out as someone who only wanted to post whatever I personally feel at that moment. I never even knew that people can reblog and like my post. Some people even told me that my username is disgusting. *smiles*
I just thought it would be nice to spill everything out. I know that life hits us hard sometimes, and we feel lost inside. I never dreamed about anything, and I just continue what myself is telling me to do. I listened to what my heart has to say. I started to actually listen to my own self. Then my blog started reaching more people without me even knowing. I started submitting my writings to a lot of platforms hoping that I could reach more. And surprisingly, I did.
In 2019 I told myself that I would finally write that book. But due to a lot of personal reasons, I wasn't able to publish it on the same year. I was only able to do it finally, this year, 2021. I was able to finally have the courage to self-published a book at 27 years old. It took me 2 years from the moment I decided to do it, to finally have it in my own hands. I didn't like it at first, so I had to edit it, and had to order for author copies multiple times. (I am not rich, and for my Filipino readers, I do understand that amazon shipping costs more than the price of the book itself. I really do.) And I was so shy about it, I can't even tell everyone. I just thought that, what if they don't like it? What if it doesn't sell? What am I supposed to do if it doesn't turn out the way I always wanted to?
There are still a lot of things I need to learn. A lot of things I have to see and observe. A lot of perspectives I have to understand. My debut book isn't perfect and it will never be, but now I am proud of it. I thank myself for at least trying to get out of my comfort zone, for at least taking one step forward no matter how little it may have reach at first.
And I wanted to thank all of my "sweeties" here on tumblr because it all started here. Thank you so much for pushing me to do better. Thank you so much for all your kindness and support. I truly appreciate each one of you. And as what I always say, I hope you're all doing fine. Breathe, sweetie. I am glad that you are here. Thank you so much for existing.
I genuinely hope that someday you'll be able to have the courage you need to make your dream come true.
Sending loves and hugs,
vomitingwords//ma.c.a
P.S.
Let my writings reach you on instagram, too!
@iamvomitingwords
I envy you. You can write your thoughts, convert to words.
I just realized that I am not needed anymore. By anyone idk.. I just felt like it. I wsnt to right all my thoughts but I cant seem to put it in words. I want to disappear. I'm tired. I want to rest..
Questioning my existence again while thinking of my future self
I just want to be dependable. Please try to depend on me. Even just the slightest
when I'm about to sleep or dead tired I tend to overthink things like my existence in this world. What ifs. Maybes. I just want to sleep peacefully without having these thoughts. Sigh.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Lately, I regret talking to people. It turns out that everytime I talk to them I feel like they're just forcing themselves to listen to me like they have no choice... idk. They always left me hanging on a conversation. Like really everyone of them. Is it maybe because of my last messages that they dont know how to reply? Or maybe because I'm to talkative and having too much information? It feels like I'm not always having a closure lol just like how my past turns out. Idk.... maybe is it just me.... This should be ~hopefully~ the last that I would remind myself to not to talk anymore. Please endure it, self. Just keep it all in your mind. Divert so you can just forget.
Sometimes, all you want is just a simple appreciation.
Thanks to melatonin, I'm having an 8hours of sleep for 2days now. Wow just wow. Being able to sleep for that hours makes me happy literally lol after these years
Lately, I'm having nightmares... twice every week for this month only. Idk what happened but its terrifying and different kinds of nightmares. Running away, getting caught by someone, seeing things/supernatural creatures thats in my room like having a sleep paralysis (?) Idk, in a two hours of sleep I tend to have one... like today. Before going to sleep I read some manga and probably because of that, that I dreamt of my past lover. But the scenario was different in the one ive read. My ex keep saying that he will be back lol
[ENG SUB] Umibe no Étranger
Title: Umibe no Etranger Also known as: Stranger by the Beach, L'étranger de la Plage This is a animated movie adaptation of Umibe no Etranger by Kii Kanna ​ Manga plot: “There’s nothing wrong with liking another guy.” To be in the arms of the person I love… I thought that was an unattainable dream… On an island off the coast of Okinawa, two young men meet on a beach. Shun Hashimoto is gay and aspires to be a novelist. He is interested in Mio Chibana, a somber high school student, and starts to flirt with him. Day by day, the two of them grow closer, but then, suddenly, Mio decides to leave the island. Three years later, Mio returns and approaches Shun with the words, “I’ve thought about it for the past three years. I like you, Shun, even if you’re a guy.” However, when faced with the prospect of finally becoming lovers with Mio, Shun cannot take the first step towards commitment. This is a tantalizing love story about a gay novelist and a younger part-time worker. (From: MyAnimeList) In collaboration with aarinfantasy~ Thank you!
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Stream links:
aarinfantasy || Dailymotion || Vimeo || OK.RU
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Download links:
Mediafire || Google Drive || MEGA
//promo from rae: STAN SHINEE!!!!!!!!//
Yes thank you. I love this manga sm. And btw, matsuoka is here~ uwu

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
As I was scrolling down my feed, I just miss the old me who fantasize dating idols lol and now what? I'm just a plain dried lol girl that who didnt even know whats her dream
hey its me again.. its been awhile. I decided to use this account again just because... ahm you know, for trying to let myself express more. Since I have no one to vent o even rant it out 'properly'. I hav some friends tho, but I cant keep them listening to my non sense thoughts that i dont even know if they understand lol whatever