The Memery

im  a nice person but im about to start throwing rocks at people

ur mom defended you?

not to be epic but i am  going to kill you with a  rock

cain said this to abel

god said this to the dinosaurs

I said this to an anthill

HE’S A WHAT?????????????????????????????????

tbh id just kind of assumed Hozier has always existed? like hes some kind of fae

lol hozier is my age. 

I need to be the hottest person at the grocery store

This perfectly captures my ridiculous inner monologue that revolves around impressing other people in the most oblique ways

ever since things have died down in the aftermath of the nsfw ban, whenever a tiddy appears on my dash it’s less of a shock and more of a pleasant surprise. kinda like bumping into a friend you haven’t seen in a long time

Honestly the best feeling in the world is when you pick up someone’s cat, and they’re like “I can’t believe she’s letting you hold her !!!” Like yes. I am the cats friend. The cat whisperer. The forest nymph. The cat charmer. Th e

God i wish someone would sell me a haunted house. Ghosts aren’t real and I’d love to get a really nice house for like half the price that it should be. 

and if they are real you can fuck them.

This guy gets it!