j'adoremonchat

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

shane: am i also a worm

ilya: no

shane: i am a human man

ilya: you are still a slow hockey player yes

shane: fuck off. have you been a worm the whole time or did you just become a worm?

ilya: i have been turned into a worm. by a witch. but it’s permanent

shane: oh okay. um. well…i would be sad but i guess i would do a bunch of research about what kind of soil and food and light worms like best and build you a tank with what you need. or maybe two so you could be in the bedroom with me at night and in the living room to see anya and the tv during the day. and maybe let you lie on a wet sidewalk sometimes? i don’t know if worms actually like doing that or if they just like being outside in the rain and the sidewalks get in the way. and i would get you a phone or tablet so you can type to me, but that’s only if you still have your brain and can understand me. if you don’t have your brain and just have a worm brain then i’ll miss you but i’ll still take care of you. though i’d probably do more research to make sure it really is permanent and there’s not another witch who can turn you back. but i’ll take care of you either way