Didn't Even Know I Was Lost

I have nowhere to turn to, I don’t have a support system, I don’t have family that actually cares. I don’t have friends in this state. I don’t have a way to vent and therapy only goes so far. I know I should be hospitalized again but I can’t afford it for the actual treatment and to miss that much work. All I have is my dog and she’s good at being a therapy dog. But all I want to do right now is either self harm or die. Mainly I want to die but I’m here for my pup Luna, she may be the only one that needs me but she needs me. But these intrusive thoughts won’t stop. I can’t stop crying, my apartment is a wreck, I can’t even leave bed. I’m getting so bad again but I have no support system to turn to so I’m just stuck. I’ve been trying to get better for over a decade and I’m not. I’m just never going to get better at this point. Everyone I open up to leaves and I can’t handle it anymore. I just want to die.